Parenting seminar for couples for christ 03.04Presentation Transcript
FOUR MAJOR PARENTING STYLES
If you are the permissive-indulgent type, this will mean that your child can manipulate you because you always follow the desires and whims of your child.
You are easily carried away when your child cries, you feel angry and depressed if he/she rebels.
Your child usually becomes impulsive and aggressive, low in self-reliance and in achievement orientation, quick to anger and domineering.
If you are the authoritative type, this will mean that you are domineering.
All your words and rules must be followed without complain by your children.
You don’t listen to their words and feelings.
Obedience is of prime importance to you.
Your child usually becomes fearful, moody, unhappy, passive, hostile, withdrawn and irritable.
If you are the authoritative/democratic type, this means that you practice open communication with your children.
You don’t easily mad at their misbehavior.
You try to find meaning and reasons in the acts and ways of your child,
You listen to their opinions and feelings.
You discuss rules and conduct that should be observed inside the house.
Your child usually becomes friendly, self-reliant, self-controlled, cooperative and achievement-oriented.
If you are the neglectful child, you perceive yosur children to be of secondary importance in your life.
You don’t give so much care and concern to the children.
You usually entrust the needs and problems of the children to themselves or to other members of the house.
You don’t give so much time and attention.
You have trained your children to give time and attention to material things or prize, career, friends, hobbies, vices and other interest.
Your child tends to have poor social and cognitive skills. They are emotionally immature, easily influenced by others and have very low achievement orientation.
Your experiences in your own family, your values and beliefs, basic relationship patterns which were acquired from your own parents, education, ability to cope with stress, and the quality of marital relationship affect your parenting competence.
MICRO-CONCEPT PARADIGM of FEELINGS of INFERIORITY in EARLY CHILDHOOD
Give them time to be one.
Don’t forget to pat them on the back.
Keep the lines of communication open.
Stand by them, not over them.
GOOD IDEAS TO FOSTER STRONGER PARENT/TEEN RELATIONSHIPS
REASONS FOR CHILD’S MISBEHAVIOR
POWER - Power-seeking children and most often feel they are only significant if they are boss.
REVENGE – They feel that they are not lovable so they resort to hurting others to find their meaning. If revenge continues and children come to feel defeated, they may give up and show feeling of inadequacy.
ATTENTION – Children desire for attention. If they are not able to do it, they seek attention in useless ways.
DISPLAY OF INADEQUACY – Extremely discouraged children are signs of feelings on inadequacy. They give up hope of succeeding.
BEHAVIORAL MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES FOR YOUNG CHILDREN
Is used to present inappropriate behavior to a quiet area where he does nothing until allowed to return. Generally, time-out lasts 1-2 minutes for less serious behavior, 3-7 minutes for more serious behavior. This is effective for pre-school and school aged children .
Loss of Privilege
Taking away privileges like watching television for one night, or playing outside one afternoon. This may be used when a child breaks a rule, refuses to obey parents, or misuse toys and furniture.
Involves “making up”for an inappropriate behavior, e.g. give extra chores, use own savings or allowance, etc.
E ncourages appropriate behavior, e.g. extra time with parents, giving surprise gifts or “pasalubong”, additional allowance, etc.
Used to reduce or eliminate imitating behavior like, transfer tantrums, nagging and interrupting. It means paying no attention until the irritating behavior stops.
It may be a word, gesture, facial expression, or phrase that encourages children to feel pride and joy. It is a way of giving positive feed back to increase a child’s sense of worth, confidence and competence.
PREVENTION OF MISBEHAVIOR AMONG YOUNG CHILDREN
Providing proper training for the young child to act in appropriate ways. Children are like vacuum. They need to be taught properly and patiently the appropriate ways of behavior.
Communicating with them. Talk to your children with respect and treat them like a very young adult. Listen to their thoughts and feelings intently. Never force your views. Never belittle them.
Giving proper attention to their needs. Always be there for your children. You cannot be able to know or learn about their needs if you do not spend time with them. Be attentive and listen to them when they approach you. If you are always too busy to give them time, they will stop going to you and look for others.
Loving them. The most basic and the most important is to love your children with all your heart, word and deed. You cannot say you love them and be out of sight. You have to feel it, say it and show it. This is the best prevention when children know they are loved and important to their parents and family.
PREVENTION OF MISBEHAVIOR AMONG ADOLESCENTS
1. Improve Communication
Talk to your adolescents with respect and treat them like adults. Listen to their thoughts and feelings intently. Never force your views. Never belittle them.
2. Improve Conflict Resolution Skills.
Relate well with you adolescents through dialogue. Dialogue or negotiation can best be achieved by knowing each other’s feelings and desires. As much as possible, decide together how to meet each other’s expectations in meeting each other’s choice.
3. Establish discipline and Limits
Agree with your teenager the guidance for appropriate behavior. They need to know clearly what is expected, permissible and appropriate act/behavior at their age.
Provide guidance in meeting friends, dating, issues on sexuality, money, school, career and leisure activities to help them clarify and reflect on their choices, behavior and attitudes.
4. Allow Increased Autonomy
This allows them to have the capacity to decide on their needs and concerns. Avoid criticism, sarcasm, and verbal confrontations when act of misbehavior is committed. Instead, focus on how such behavior or act affects their relationships with one another.
5. Emphasize Use of Natural and Logical Consequences
This encourages adolescents to become more responsible in their behaviors and enhances their skills in deciding which is best for them.
6. Affirmation and Praise
Never deny affirming words and praise for any good behavior done. This helps build their self-esteem and provide feedback on what they are doing correctly and appropriately. It also helps them learn what is expected of them.
GUIDELINES IN ACHIEVING CONSTRUCTIVE DISCIPLINE
Catch the child being good. - Respond to positive efforts and reinforce good behavior.
Encourage children to see their own strength . - Help them build a positive image .
Manipulate the surroundings. - Keep him from frequently having to confront problem he is incapable of solving.
Express interest in the child’s activities .- Children naturally try to involve adults in their activities, but adults are often annoyed at being bothere d .
Use physical restraint . In case of losing control, the child must be removed from the scene to keep him from hurting himself or others.
Tell the child that you accept his or her angry feelings .- The child needs to be taught that angry feelings cannot be expressed in a destructive way to another person .
Use punishment cautiously . –
Good discipline includes creating an atmosphere of quite firmness clarity, and conscientiousness, while using reasoning . Bad discipline involves punishment which is unduly harsh and appropriate.
Use closeness and touching and be ready to show affection. – Young children are often calmed by having an adult nearby.
Teach children to express themselves verbally in a proper way. – The child has to learn that, “ a soft answer turns away wrath”, and those who use strong aggressive language against other people will receive the same treatment.
Provide physical outlets and other alternatives. – A child should be given opportunities for physical exercise and movement so that his energy doesn’t build up and explode destructively in moments of anger.
Expose your child to many kinds of experiences. - Expose your child to activities that can plant ideas for future careers and hobbies.
Be consistent. - Don’t undermine the rules set by your spouse
Constructive discipline Is effective only IF combined with equal amounts of love and understanding.
1. What do I usually do when my child misbehave? 2. How do I express my anger every time they misbehave? 3. How do I teach discipline when they misbehave?
The parents are spiritual leaders in the family. The family is like a small church and is governed by an Almighty. The father and mother are the head figures in the family. Their main goal is to inspire every member of the family life as a whole, to be able to raise spiritual children.
Family spirituality is the synergistic by product of all the interpersonal dynamics between parents and child, child and siblings, spouse and spouse. This can be characterized by strong bond among family members, healthy relationships with love, support, guidance and a sense of shared identity.
It generates and energizes spiritual power making the family become more trustful and hopeful to pursue things despite occurrence of obstacles and problems.
It gives us clear vision of life and its meaning. It gives sympathetic understanding to a nagging wife, domineering husband, troublesome children and meddling neighbors.
Family life is your spiritual life —seeking together, ritualizing together, learning and teaching in peace, love and concern.
“ We need to think of the HOME as the cradle into which the future is born, and the FAMILY as the nursery in which the new social order is being reared. The FAMILY is a covenant to posterity.” --- Sidney Goldstein---
THANK YOU AND GOOD DAY ! Corazon S. Bernardo March 5, 2011