Better save that. We'll
                                                          Better save that. We'll
 Things You     ...
Wait a minute, if this is
Wait a minute, if this is                                 Hand me that...uh...that
             ...
Everybody stand back! II
Everybody stand back!                                     Could you stop that thing
             ...
Well folks, this will be an
Well folks, this will be an                               What do mean he wasn't
             ...
Nurse, did this patient
Nurse, did this patient                                   Don't worry. I’m pretty
                ...
Act naturally
Oxymorons
for the Ages

                                        Oxymorons for the Ages
                     ...
Safe sex                    Airline food



   Oxymorons for the Ages
   Oxymorons for the Ages            Oxymorons for t...
Sanitary                        Alone
   landfill                      together


     Oxymorons for the Ages
     Oxymoro...
Small crowd                    Business
                                ethics


    Oxymorons for the Ages
    Oxymorons ...
California                   New classic
  culture


     Oxymorons for the Ages
     Oxymorons for the Ages             O...
Twelve-ounce                  Rap music
 pound cake


     Oxymorons for the Ages
     Oxymorons for the Ages            O...
Cleveland life                 Temporary
                              tax increase


     Oxymorons for the Ages
     Oxy...
Tight slacks                     Definite
                                 maybe


    Oxymorons for the Ages
    Oxymoron...
Since my last report,
 Actual Job                            he has reached rock
 Evaluations                           bo...
When she opens her                     He would be out of
mouth, it seems that                   his depth in a parking
th...
Actual                       Change is inevitable,
                               except from a
 Bumper                   ...
I didn't fight my               Your kid may be an
way to the top of               honor student but
the food chain just  ...
Give me ambiguity              Make it idiot proof
or give me                     and someone will
something else         ...
There are 3 kinds of            Diplomacy is the art
people: those who               of saying 'Nice
can count & those    ...
Time is what keeps             The more people I
everything from                meet, the more I
happening at once        ...
Make it idiot proof            We are Microsoft.
and someone will               Resistance is futile.
make a better idiot....
It is as BAD as you            Friends don't let
think, and they ARE            friends drive naked.
out to get us.


    ...
Sorry, I don't date            I don't suffer from
outside my species.            insanity, I enjoy
                      ...
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Things you definitely don't want to hear during surgery

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Things you definitely don't want to hear during surgery

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Things you definitely don't want to hear during surgery

  1. 1. Better save that. We'll Better save that. We'll Things You need it for the autopsy. need it for the autopsy. Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Steril, shcmeril. The Steril, shcmeril. The Someone call the janitor - Someone call the janitor - floor's clean, right? floor's clean, right? we're going to need a we're going to need a mop & a bucket. mop & a bucket. Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery "Accept this sacrifice, Oh "Accept this sacrifice, Oh Bo! Bo! Come back with Bo! Bo! Come back with Great Lord of Darkness" Great Lord of Darkness" that! Bad Dog! that! Bad Dog! Page 1 Cumulative Funnies #1 Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery
  2. 2. Wait a minute, if this is Wait a minute, if this is Hand me that...uh...that Hand me that...uh...that his spleen, then what's his spleen, then what's uh.....thingie uh.....thingie that? that? Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Oh no! Has anyone seen Oh no! Has anyone seen Oops! Hey, has anyone Oops! Hey, has anyone my Rolex? my Rolex? ever survived 500ml of ever survived 500ml of this stuff before? this stuff before? Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Damn, there go the lights Damn, there go the lights "Ya know, there's big "Ya know, there's big again... again... money in kidneys. Hell, money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em. the guy's got two of 'em. Page 2 Cumulative Funnies #1 Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery
  3. 3. Everybody stand back! II Everybody stand back! Could you stop that thing Could you stop that thing lost my contact lens! lost my contact lens! from beating; it's throwing from beating; it's throwing off my concentration off my concentration Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery What the heck is this What the heck is this II hate it when they're hate it when they're doing here? doing here? missing stuff in here. missing stuff in here. Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery That's cool! Now can That's cool! Now can II wish II hadn't forgotten wish hadn't forgotten you make his other leg you make his other leg my glasses. my glasses. twitch?! twitch?! Page 3 Cumulative Funnies #1 Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery
  4. 4. Well folks, this will be an Well folks, this will be an What do mean he wasn't What do mean he wasn't experiment for all of us. experiment for all of us. in for a sex change??!! in for a sex change??!! Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Anyone see where II left Anyone see where left And now we remove the And now we remove the that scalpel? that scalpel? subject's brain and place subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape. it in the body of the ape. Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery OK, now take a picture OK, now take a picture This patient has already This patient has already from this angle. This is from this angle. This is had some kids, am II had some kids, am truly a freak of nature. truly a freak of nature. correct? correct? Page 4 Cumulative Funnies #1 Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery
  5. 5. Nurse, did this patient Nurse, did this patient Don't worry. I’m pretty Don't worry. I’m pretty sign the organ donation sign the organ donation sure it’s sharp enough. sure it’s sharp enough. card? card? Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery What do you mean you What do you mean you She's gonna blow! She's gonna blow! want a divorce? want a divorce? Everyone take cover!!! Everyone take cover!!! Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get Damn! Page 47 of the Damn! Page 47 of the out! out! manual is missing! manual is missing! Page 5 Cumulative Funnies #1 Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery Things You Definitely Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery
  6. 6. Act naturally Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Found Resident alien missing Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Advanced Genuine BASIC imitation Page 6 Cumulative Funnies #1 Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages
  7. 7. Safe sex Airline food Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Good grief Same difference Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Almost Government exactly organization Page 7 Cumulative Funnies #1 Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages
  8. 8. Sanitary Alone landfill together Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Legally drunk Silent scream Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages British Living dead fashion Page 8 Cumulative Funnies #1 Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages
  9. 9. Small crowd Business ethics Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Soft rock Butt head Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Military Software intelligence documentation Page 9 Cumulative Funnies #1 Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages
  10. 10. California New classic culture Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Sweet sorrow Childproof Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Passive Clearly aggression misunderstood Page 10 Cumulative Funnies #1 Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages
  11. 11. Twelve-ounce Rap music pound cake Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Synthetic Taped live natural gas Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Clearly Peace force misunderstood Page 11 Cumulative Funnies #1 Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages
  12. 12. Cleveland life Temporary tax increase Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Computer Plastic jock glasses Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Terribly Computer pleased security Page 12 Cumulative Funnies #1 Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages
  13. 13. Tight slacks Definite maybe Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Pretty ugly Diet ice-cream Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Working Exact vacation estimate Page 13 Cumulative Funnies #1 Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages Oxymorons for the Ages
  14. 14. Since my last report, Actual Job he has reached rock Evaluations bottom and has started to dig. Actual Performance Evaluations His men would follow I would not allow this him anywhere, but employee to breed. only out of morbid curiosity. Actual Performance Evaluations Actual Performance Evaluations This employee is not Works well when so much of a has- under constant been, but more of a supervision and definitely won'tPage 14 be. cornered like a rat in Cumulative Funnies #1 a trap. Actual Performance Evaluations Actual Performance Evaluations
  15. 15. When she opens her He would be out of mouth, it seems that his depth in a parking this is only to change lot puddle. whichever foot was previously in there. Actual Performance Evaluations Actual Performance Evaluations This young lady has She sets low personal delusions of standards and then adequacy. consistently fails to achieve them. Actual Performance Evaluations Actual Performance Evaluations This employee should This employee is go far ...and the depriving a village sooner he starts, the somewhere of an better. Page 15 idiot. Cumulative Funnies #1 Actual Performance Evaluations Actual Performance Evaluations
  16. 16. Actual Change is inevitable, except from a Bumper vending machine Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers I’m out of my mind. Laugh alone and the Back in five minutes. world thinks you're an idiot Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers Texas - At least our The gene pool could cows are sane! use a little chlorine Page 16 Cumulative Funnies #1 Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers
  17. 17. I didn't fight my Your kid may be an way to the top of honor student but the food chain just you're still an IDIOT! to be a vegetarian Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers I took an IQ test If we aren't and the results supposed to be were negative eating animals, then why are they made of meat? Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers Forget about world Warning: Dates on peace... the calendar are ...visualize using 17 Page closer than they Cumulative Funnies #1 your turn signal appear Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers
  18. 18. Give me ambiguity Make it idiot proof or give me and someone will something else make a better idiot Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers He who laughs last Always remember thinks slowest you're unique...just like everyone else Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers Puritanism: I souport publik The haunting fear edukasion that someone, Page 18 somewhere may be Cumulative Funnies #1 happy Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers
  19. 19. There are 3 kinds of Diplomacy is the art people: those who of saying 'Nice can count & those doggie!'... till you who can't can find a big rock Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers I like you, but I All generalizations wouldn't want to are false see you working with subatomic particles Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers Learn from your I'm not as think as parents' mistakes - you drunk I am use birth control 19 Page Cumulative Funnies #1 Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers
  20. 20. Time is what keeps The more people I everything from meet, the more I happening at once like my dog Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers Women who seek Few women admit to be equal to men their age...fewer lack ambition men act it. Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers How can I miss you Beauty is in the eye if you won't go of the beer holder... away? Page 20 Cumulative Funnies #1 Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers
  21. 21. Make it idiot proof We are Microsoft. and someone will Resistance is futile. make a better idiot. You will be assimilated. Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers Horn broken. Watch I love cats...they for finger. taste just like chicken. Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers As long as there are Happiness is a belt- tests, there will be fed weapon. prayer in public 21 Page Cumulative Funnies #1 schools. Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers
  22. 22. It is as BAD as you Friends don't let think, and they ARE friends drive naked. out to get us. Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers Where there's a will, It's lonely at the I want to be in it! top, but you eat better. Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers We’re born naked, Be nice to your wet and hungry. kids. They'll choose Then things get 22 Page your nursing home. Cumulative Funnies #1 worse. Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers
  23. 23. Sorry, I don't date I don't suffer from outside my species. insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. Actual Bumper Stickers Actual Bumper Stickers Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW. Actual Bumper Stickers Page 23 Cumulative Funnies #1

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