Deep questions to Ponder

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Deep questions to Ponder

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Deep questions to Ponder

  1. 1. Deep If a man says If a man says something in the something in the Questions woods & there are no woods & there are no women there, is he women there, is he To Ponder still wrong? still wrong? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Isn't is a bit unnerving Isn't is a bit unnerving When sign makers go on When sign makers go on that doctors call what that doctors call what strike, is anything strike, is anything they do "practice"? written on their signs? written on their signs? they do "practice"? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder When you open a bag When you open a bag Why isn't there mouse Why isn't there mouse of cotton balls, is the of cotton balls, is the flavored cat food? flavored cat food? top one meant to be top one meant to be thrown away? thrown away? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 1
  2. 2. Why do they report Why do they report What do you do when What do you do when power outages on TV? power outages on TV? you see an endangered you see an endangered animal that is eating an animal that is eating an endangered plant? endangered plant? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder What's another word What's another word If a parsley farmer If a parsley farmer for thesaurus? for thesaurus? is sued, can they is sued, can they garnish his wages? garnish his wages? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Would a fly without Would a fly without Why do people who Why do people who wings be called a walk? wings be called a walk? know the least know know the least know it the loudest? it the loudest? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 2
  3. 3. If the funeral If the funeral If a stealth bomber If a stealth bomber procession is at night, procession is at night, crashes in a forest, crashes in a forest, do folks drive with do folks drive with will it make a sound? will it make a sound? their headlights off? their headlights off? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder If a turtle doesn't If a turtle doesn't When it rains, why When it rains, why have a shell, is he have a shell, is he don't sheep shrink? don't sheep shrink? homeless or naked? homeless or naked? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Should vegetarians Should vegetarians If the cops arrest a If the cops arrest a eat animal crackers? eat animal crackers? mime, do they tell mime, do they tell him he has the right him he has the right to remain silent? to remain silent? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 3
  4. 4. Why is the word Why is the word When companies ship When companies ship abbreviation so long? abbreviation so long? styrofoam, what do styrofoam, what do they pack it in? they pack it in? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder If you're cross-eyed If you're cross-eyed If a mute swears, If a mute swears, and have dyslexia, can and have dyslexia, can does his mother wash does his mother wash you read all right? you read all right? his hands with soap? his hands with soap? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder If someone with multiple If someone with multiple Does a dyxlexic Does a dyxlexic personalities threatens personalities threatens Satan worshipper Satan worshipper to kill themself, is it to kill themself, is it end up committing end up committing considered a hostage considered a hostage his life to Santa? his life to Santa? situation? situation? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 4
  5. 5. When the chips When the chips Do you sometimes Do you sometimes are down, is the are down, is the feel like you’re feel like you’re buffalo is empty? buffalo is empty? diagonally parked diagonally parked in a parallel in a parallel universe? universe? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Do you ever wonder Do you ever wonder If you have everything, If you have everything, how much deeper how much deeper where would you put it? where would you put it? the ocean would be the ocean would be without sponges? without sponges? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Do dyslexics have Do dyslexics have If it's true that we If it's true that we more fnu? more fnu? are here to help others, are here to help others, then what exactly are then what exactly are the OTHERS here for? the OTHERS here for? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 5
  6. 6. What happens if If the Energizer you get scared half Bunny was arrested, to death twice? would he be charged with battery? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder How do you tell Why do psychics when you run out have to ask you of invisible ink? for your name? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Is there another Is there another Hard work never word for synonym? word for synonym? killed anyone but why chance it? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 6
  7. 7. Two wrongs to not Can you be a closet make a right, but claustrophobic? three lefts do. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Before they invented How do I set my laser drawing boards, what did printer to stun? they go back to? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder If one synchronized If you are born again, swimmer drowns, do the do you have two belly rest have to drown too? buttons? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 7
  8. 8. If you try to fail, and Why is the alphabet in succeed, which have you that order? Is it done? because of that song? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder What happens when none If most car accidents of your bees wax? occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder If a book about failures Is it possible to be doesn't sell, is it a totally partial? success? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 8
  9. 9. How do you know when Is it true that cannibals it's time to tune your don't eat clowns because bag pipes? they taste funny? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Do they have reserved If you shoot a mime, parking for non-handicapped should you use a people at the Special silencer? Olympics? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder What was the best thing What is the speed of before sliced bread? dark? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 9
  10. 10. What is a "free" gift? How come you never Aren't all gifts free? hear about gruntled employees? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder When blondes What happens if have more fun, you get scared half do they know it? to death twice? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder 24 hours in a day ... Is a laughing stock 24 beers in a case… cattle with a sense coincidence? of humor? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 10
  11. 11. Should women put Who is General Failure and why is he pictures of missing reading my hard disk? husbands on beer cans? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Where do forest rangers Why do they put Braille go to "get away from it on the drive-through all?" bank machines? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder How do they get the What was the best thing deer to cross at that before sliced bread? yellow road sign? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 11
  12. 12. Before they invented Do infants enjoy infancy drawing boards, what as much as adults enjoy did they go back to? adultery? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder If all the world is a If one synchronized stage, where is the swimmer drowns, do the audience sitting? rest have to drown too? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it Deep still #2? Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 12
  13. 13. Never underestimate the The older you get, the power of stupid people in better you realize you large groups were Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Age is a very high price Procrastination is the to pay for maturity art of keeping up with yesterday Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Women like silent men, Men are from Earth, they think they're women are from Earth. listening Deal with it. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 13
  14. 14. The journey of a thousand It's always darkest before miles begins with a broken dawn. So if you're going fan belt and a leaky tire to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Sex is like air. It's not Don't be irreplaceable. If important unless you aren't you can't be replaced, you getting any can't be promoted Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder No one is listening until you Never test the depth of have gas the water with both feet Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 14
  15. 15. It may be that your sole It is far more impressive purpose in life is simply to when others discover your serve as a warning to good qualities without your others help Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder If you think nobody cares Before you criticize if you're alive, try missing someone, you should walk a a couple of car payments mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder If at first you don't Give a man a fish and he succeed, skydiving is not will eat for a day. Teach for you him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 15
  16. 16. If you lend someone $20, Don't squat with your and never see that person spurs on again, it was probably worth it Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder If you tell the truth, you If you drink, don't park; don't have to remember accidents cause people. anything Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Some days you’re the bug, Don't worry, it only seems some days you’re the kinky the first time windshield Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 16
  17. 17. Good judgment comes from The quickest way to double bad experience, and a lot your money is to fold it in of that comes from bad half and put it back in your judgment pocket Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Timing has an awful lot to A closed mouth gathers no do with the outcome of a foot rain dance Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Duct tape is like the Force. There are two theories to It has a light side & a dark arguing with women. side, and it holds the Neither one works. universe together Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 17
  18. 18. Generally speaking, you Experience is something you aren't learning much when don't get until just after your mouth is moving you need it Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Never miss a good chance Eagles may soar, to shut up but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder I almost had a I drive way too psychic girlfriend fast to worry but she left me about cholesterol before we met Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 18
  19. 19. I love defenseless If Barbie is so animals, especially popular, why do in a good gravy you have to buy her friends? Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder I have a mind Support bacteria - like a steel trap - they're the only it’s rusty & illegal culture some in 37 states people have Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Televangelists: The only substitute for good manners The Pro Wrestlers is fast reflexes of religion Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 19
  20. 20. When everything's Ambition is a poor coming your way, excuse for not you're probably having enough in the wrong lane sense to be lazy Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder If everything seems Everyone has a to be going well, photographic you’ve obviously memory. Some just overlooked something don't have film Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder He’s a veterinarian I poured Spot & a taxidermist - remover on my dog. either way, you Now he's gone. get your dog back Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 20
  21. 21. I used to have an I couldn't repair your open mind but my brakes, so I made brains kept falling your horn louder out. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Wear short sleeves! All those who believe Support your right in psychokinesis raise to bare arms! my hand Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder He tried sniffing I’m not a complete Coke once, but idiot, some parts the ice cubes got are missing. stuck in his nose Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 21
  22. 22. A flashlight is a Lottery: a tax on case for holding people with poor dead batteries. math skills. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Artificial Hard work has a Intelligence beats future payoff. real stupidity. Laziness pays off right now. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder I used to have a I don’t suffer from handle on life, insanity. I enjoy then it broke. every minute of it. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 22
  23. 23. All generalizations One good thing are false, including about Alzheimer’s this one. is you get to meet new people every day. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Schizophrenia beats If at first you being alone. don’t succeed, redefine success. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder A thing not worth Heck is where doing isn’t worth people go who don’t doing well. believe in gosh. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 23
  24. 24. I don’t have a Strip mining prevents solution but I do forest fires. admire the problem. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder I think sex is better A picture is worth than logic, but I can’t a thousand words, prove it. but it uses up a thousand times the memory. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder The meek shall If a thing is worth inherit the earth, doing, it would have after we’re through already been done. with it. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 24
  25. 25. Two can live as Ham & Eggs cheaply as one, A day’s work for a for half as long. chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Lord, if I can’t be Good health is skinny, please at merely the slowest least let all my possible rate at friends be fat. which one can die. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder The buck doesn’t Confession is good even slow down here for the soul but bad so keep going. for your career. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 25
  26. 26. It’s hard to make a Welcome to Utah, comeback when you set your clock to haven’t been local time, 1955. anywhere. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Money isn’t Two wrongs to not everything, but make a right, but it sure keeps the three lefts do. kids in touch. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder My wild oats have Seen it all. Done turned into it all. Can’t Shreaded Wheat. remember most of it. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 26
  27. 27. Five out of of four If quitters never people have trouble win, and winners with fractions. never quit, what fool came up with “Quit while you’re Deep Thoughts to Ponder ahead.” Thoughts to Ponder Deep Stressed spelled Clones are people two. Clones are people two. backwards is desserts. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Go ahead & take risks. Go ahead & take risks. If you can't be kind, at If you can't be kind, at Just be sure that Just be sure that least have the decency least have the decency everything will turn everything will turn to be vague. to be vague. out okay. out okay. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 27
  28. 28. I’m not a complete A flashlight is a case idiot, some parts are for holding dead missing. batteries. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Lottery: a tax on Artificial people with poor Intelligence beats math skills. real stupidity. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Hard work has a I used to have a future payoff. handle on life, then Laziness pays off it broke. right now. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 28
  29. 29. I don’t suffer from All generalizations insanity. I enjoy are false, including every minute of it. this one. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder One good thing Schizophrenia beats about Alzheimer’s is being alone. you get to meet new people every day. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder If at first you A thing not worth don’t succeed, doing isn’t worth redefine success. doing well. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 29
  30. 30. Heck is where I don’t have a people go who solution but I do don’t believe in admire the problem. gosh. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Strip mining I think sex is better prevents forest than logic, but I can’t fires. prove it. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder A picture is worth The meek shall a thousand words, inherit the earth, but it uses up a after we’re through thousand times the with it. memory. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 30
  31. 31. If a thing is worth Two can live as doing, it would have cheaply as one, for already been done. half as long. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Ham & Eggs Lord, if I can’t be A day’s work for a skinny, please at chicken; a lifetime least let all my commitment for a friends be fat. pig. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Good health is The buck doesn’t merely the slowest even slow down here possible rate at so keep going. which one can die. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 31
  32. 32. Confession is good It’s hard to make a for the soul but bad comeback when you for your career. haven’t been anywhere. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Money isn’t My wild oats have everything, but turned into it sure keeps the Shreaded Wheat. kids in touch. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Seen it all. Five out of of four Done it all. people have trouble Can’t remember with fractions. most of it. Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 32
  33. 33. If quitters never win, and winners never Stressed spelled quit, what fool came backwards is up with “Quit while desserts. you’re ahead.” Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Clones are people On the other hand, two. you have different fingers Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder I just got lost in Those who live by thought – it was the sword get shot unfamiliar territory by those who don’t Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 33
  34. 34. You have the right to Honk if you love remain silent – peace and quiet anything you say will be misquoted and then used against you Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Nothing is foolproof Just remember, any to a sufficiently time you have a 50-50 talented fool chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder If you lined up all the The things that come cars in the world end to those who wait to end, someone would may be the things try to pass them left behind by those who got there first Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Page 34
  35. 35. A fine is a tax for I started out with doing wrong. A tax is nothing and still a fine for doing well. have most of it Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Light travels faster Computers let you make than sound, which is more mistakes faster why some people than any other invention in human history, with appear bright until the possible exception you hear them speak of handguns and tequila Deep Thoughts to Ponder Deep Thoughts to Ponder Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. Practice Deep Thoughts to Ponder safe eating - always use condiments. Page 35

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