Actual Job Evaluations

1. Since my last report, this
Since my last report, this His men would follow him
His men would follow him
employee has reached
employee has reached anywhere, but only out of
anywhere, but only out of
rock bottom and has
rock bottom and has morbid curiosity
morbid curiosity
started to dig
started to dig
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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I would not allow this
I would not allow this This employee is not
This employee is not
employee to breed
employee to breed really much of a has-been
really much of a has-been
but more of a definite
but more of a definite
won't be.
won't be.
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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Works well when under
Works well when under When she opens her
When she opens her
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constant supervision and
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mouth, it seems that it is
constant supervision and mouth, it seems that it is
cornered like a rat in a trap
cornered like a rat in a trap only to change feet
only to change feet
Actual Job Evaluations
Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
Actual Job Evaluations

2. He would be out of his
He would be out of his This lady has delusions of
This lady has delusions of
depth in a parking lot
depth in a parking lot adequacy
adequacy
puddle
puddle
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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He sets low personal
He sets low personal This employee is depriving
This employee is depriving
standards & then consistently
standards & then consistently a village somewhere of an
a village somewhere of an
fails to achieve them
fails to achieve them idiot
idiot
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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This employee should go
This employee should go This employee has a full
This employee has a full
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far, and the sooner he
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6-pack, but lacks the
far, and the sooner he 6-pack, but lacks the
starts, the better
starts, the better plastic thing to hold it all
plastic thing to hold it all
together
together
Actual Job Evaluations
Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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3. The employee is several
The employee is several Her elevator does not go
Her elevator does not go
sandwiches short of a
sandwiches short of a to the top floor
to the top floor
picnic
picnic
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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She took an IQ test but
She took an IQ test but A gross ignoramus - 144
A gross ignoramus - 144
failed it
failed it times worse than an
times worse than an
ordinary ignoramus
ordinary ignoramus
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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He certainly takes a long
He certainly takes a long He doesn't have ulcers,
He doesn't have ulcers,
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time to make his pointless
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but he is a carrier
time to make his pointless but he is a carrier
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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4. I would like to go hunting
I would like to go hunting He's spent far too long
He's spent far too long
with him sometime
with him sometime working with glue
working with glue
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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He would argue with a
He would argue with a He has a knack for making
He has a knack for making
signpost
signpost strangers immediately
strangers immediately
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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He brings a lot of joy
He brings a lot of joy When his IQ reaches 50,
When his IQ reaches 50,
wheneverPage 4
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whenever he leaves the
he leaves the he should sell
he should sell
room
room
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
Actual Job Evaluations

5. If you see two people
If you see two people He has a photographic
He has a photographic
talking and one looks
talking and one looks memory but unfortunately
memory but unfortunately
bored, he's the other one
bored, he's the other one the lens-cap is on
the lens-cap is on
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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A prime candidate for
A prime candidate for Donated his brain to
Donated his brain to
natural de-selection
natural de-selection science before he was
science before he was
done using it
done using it
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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The gates are down, the
The gates are down, the Has two brain cells: one is
Has two brain cells: one is
lights arePage 5
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lights are flashing, but
flashing, but lost and the other is out
lost and the other is out
the train isn't coming
the train isn't coming looking for it
looking for it
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
Actual Job Evaluations

6. If he were any more
If he were any more If you give him a penny
If you give him a penny
stupid, he'd have to be
stupid, he'd have to be for his thoughts, you'd
for his thoughts, you'd
watered twice a week
watered twice a week want change.
want change.
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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If you stand close enough to
If you stand close enough to It’s hard to believe that
It’s hard to believe that
him, you'll hear the oceans
him, you'll hear the oceans he beat out 1,000,000
he beat out 1,000,000
other sperms
other sperms
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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She’s one neuron short of
She’s one neuron short of Some drank from the
Some drank from the
a synapsePage 6
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a synapse fountain of knowledge, he
fountain of knowledge, he
only gargled
only gargled
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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7. Takes him 2 hours to
Takes him 2 hours to The wheel is turning, but
The wheel is turning, but
watch 60 minutes
watch 60 minutes the hamster is dead
the hamster is dead
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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The only way for him to She has a mind
double his money would like a steel trap -
be to fold it in half and
put it back in his pocket
it’s rusty & illegal
in 37 states
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Support bacteria -
Page 7 She has an open mind
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they're the only but her brains keep
falling out
culture this man has
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8. He tried sniffing She’s not a
Coke once, but complete idiot, some
the ice cubes got parts are missing.
stuck in his nose
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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He used to have a She never has a solution
handle on life, then it but always spends a lot of
time admiring the problem
broke.
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The buck Page 8 even
doesn’t Actual The Evaluations
Job flashlight
is on
slow down here but the batteries are
dead
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Actual Job Evaluations Actual Job Evaluations
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9. His wild oats She regularly gets lost in
thought - it’s unfamiliar
have turned into territory
Shreaded Wheat.
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She consistently
demonstrates that
nothing is foolproof to a
sufficiently talented
fools
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