Complimenting Appropriately GBUS 495, Fall 2012 Ms. Quinones
Overview What are compliments? Why give compliments? How are compliments constructed? When are compliments used? Do’s and Don’ts of complimenting. Responding to compliments.
What are Compliments?Compliment (Source: Wiktionary) n. An expression of praise, congratulation or encouragement. n. Good wishes. v. To pay a compliment; to express a favorable opinion.
Why Give Compliments? You can make someone’s day (make them smile) It increases your positive outlook and that of others around you It comes back to you in different forms – builds positive relationships It makes you more attractive to others (in a variety of ways) It is enjoyable to do
How are Compliments Constructed?Compliment FormulasTop three compliment formulas (Manes and Wolfson 1981, pp.120-121) and examples: 1. Noun Phrase + is/look + (really) + Adjective Your blouse is really beautiful. Your hair looks great! 2. I + (really) + like/love + Noun Phrase I really like your dress. I love your new apartment. 3. Pronoun + is + (really) + Adjective + Noun Phrase Thats a really nice rug. Thats a great looking car.
How are Compliments Constructed?Additional six formula examples: 4. You have such beautiful hair. 5. What a lovely baby you have! 6. Isnt your ring beautiful! 7. You (really) did a good job! 8. You (really) handled that situation well! 9. Nice game!
How are Compliments Constructed?Ingredients for a Good Compliment: Sincerity Specificity Acknowledgement of character Acknowledgement of Affect/Effect Follow-up Question Appropriate Timing
Ingredient 1: SincerityTo be believable, compliments must be sincere. Your tone, facial expression, and body language go a long way in conveying how sincere you are. If you don’t truly mean it, don’t say it. No compliment at all is better than false or insincere compliments.
Ingredient 2: SpecificityThe best compliments are specific. Instead of just a vague “you look nice today”, say something that shows you’re actually noticing the person. Rather than you look ‘nice‘ try a sincere “that’s a lovely scarf” Instead of “you’re a good cook” try “that was a great lasagna.”
Ingredient 3:Acknowledgement of CharacterWhen complimenting an accomplishment, don’t just focus onwhat the person did. Acknowledge who they had to be in order to accomplish it. Point to character traits, such as perseverance, kindness, thoughtfulness, loyalty, humor, creativity or courage. For example: “It took a lot of courage for you to speak up like that” “You are so creative. I love the way you put together your outfit.” http://dscottangle.com/9-steps-perfect-compliment/
Ingredient 4:Acknowledgement of Affect/Effect “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” – Mark Twain Go beyond the action/change/result and talk about how it makes you feel or the effect produced: It meant a lot to me that you took the time to… That necklace really highlights the color of your eyes. Your getting that work done means we have time to go out and… http://dscottangle.com/9-steps-perfect-compliment/
Ingredient 5: Follow-Up QuestionDon’t just give the compliment and leave it there, showinterest by asking a follow-up question. When you show actual interest by following the compliment with a question, you show interest in a person and it drives the conversation – is it new? “The color of that scarf is perfect for you. Where did you find it?“http://dscottangle.com/9-steps-perfect-compliment/
Ingredient 6: Appropriate Timing Consider the setting. Compliments should be appropriate. It’s wonderful to tell a bride that she’s beautiful, but congratulate her on losing 100 pounds some other time. It is sometimes best to compliment a person when you notice something, provided it is convenient. Sometimes if you wait too long the moment can be lost. Always think first, then compliment.
When are Compliments Used?Essentially compliments can be used anytime but here area few suggestions. Compliments make great openers for any type of conversation. They also are helpful in the workplace or when breaking the ice with someone. You can use them in passing just to make someone smile. You can use them to make a graceful exit. They are helpful when making indirect requests.
Do’s and Don’ts Safe Things to Compliment People on: Style Smile and Laugh Sense of Humor Intelligence Pets Objects/Possessions Homes/Decorations Character traits Skills
Do’s and Don’ts Unsafe Things to Compliment People on: weight hygiene body shape/fitness (unless it is good) money related things Something that would normally be unspoken *Beware of backhanded compliments http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw-rS0nnG2s http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOzuWBWYGgI
Practice Evaluate these videos to see how appropriate each compliment is. (Complimenting Strangers) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFJuw9qAU28 (Compliment Guys) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I4bixh_MPg (Big Bang Theory) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1Sglky042g
Responding to Compliments 4 Possible Responses Downgrading Questioning Shifting Credit Returning
Responding Downgrading: minimizing the validity of what was said A: “That’s a nice shirt” B: “Well, I just got it. It was pretty cheap.” Questioning: shows doubt or a need for more praise (depends on tone) A: You did an excellent job on your presntation yesterday! B: Do you really think so? A: Oh yes! It was fabulous!
Responding Shifting Credit: gives someone else credit A: I love your clock! It looks great in your living room! B: Thanks. A friend of mine brought it to me from Oregon. Returning: reply with a compliment A: You’re looking well! B: Thanks. So are you!