A.A.A.D.D. (老年過動健忘症 ) [幽默小品](中文由老編西歪翻譯)A.A.A.D.D. KNOW THE SYMPTOMS......PLEASE READ!瞭解 A.A.A.D.D.症狀 ......敬請閱讀！Thank goodness theres a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel bettereven though I have it!!謝天謝地，這種疾病有了一個名字。不知怎的我覺得蠻好，即使我得了這病！Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. Age Activated Attention Deficit
Disorder.最近，我被診斷患有 A.A.A.D.D. 老年過動健忘症。This is how it manifests:實際狀況是這樣的：I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I lookover at my car and decide it needs washing.我決定要到後院灑水澆花，去車道打開水管時，看到我的汽車，它是該洗了。As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that Ibrought up from the mail box earlier.當我開始走向車庫時，看到門廊桌上稍早從信箱拿出來的信件。I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.覺得洗車前，該閱覽一下信件。I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can underthe table, and notice that the can is full.將車鑰匙放在桌上，把垃圾信件扔到桌下的垃圾桶，卻發現垃圾桶已經滿了。So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbagefirst.所以決定把賬單信件放回桌上，先去倒垃圾。But then I think, since Im going to be near the mailbox, when I take outthe garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
但是我想，既然要去信箱附近倒垃圾，何不妨 (順便填寫好支票丟到信箱)先支付些賬單 (美國信箱可寄信)。I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one checkleft.. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the houseto my desk where I find the can of Pepsi Id been drinking.我從桌上拿下支票本，發現只剩一張空白支票，其他支票本放在書房，進入屋內書房，書桌上有一罐我喝剩的百事可樂。Im going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi asideso that I dont accidentally knock it over.找支票本必須把百事可樂拿開，才不致碰翻。The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator tokeep it cold.而這罐可樂已經變溫了，我決定放回冰箱冷卻。As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on thecounter catches my eye--they need water.當我帶著可樂走向廚房，櫃台上一隻裝有鮮花的花瓶吸引了我的目光，是該換水了。I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that Ivebeen searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on mydesk, but first Im going to water the flowers.將可樂放在櫃台，在那兒發現我尋找了一個早上的老花眼鏡。覺得最好將它放回到我的書桌上，但是首要任務我是要去澆花的。
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with waterand suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.把眼鏡放回櫃台，澆水器中加了水，突然發現了電視的遙控器，不知誰把它放在廚房的桌上。I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, Ill be looking for theremote, but I wont remember that its on the kitchen table, so I decideto put it back in the den where it belongs, but first Ill water the flowers.我知道，今晚我們看電視一定會尋找遙控器，但我那會記得它是在廚房的桌上，所以我決定把它放回到原本的地方。但是首要任務我還是要去澆花呀。I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor..我灑了些水在花叢中，有些水濺到了地板上...So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up thespill.只好把遙控器放回桌上，拿些毛巾來擦濺出來的水。Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning todo.然後，真該死，我試圖去記住我計劃要做的事情。At the end of the day:the car isnt washedthe bills arent paidthere is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counterthe flowers dont have enough water,there is still only 1 check in my check book,I cant find the remote,
I cant find my glasses,and I dont remember what I did with the car keys.這一天結束了：車子沒洗賬單沒支付一罐溫可樂仍然在廚房櫃台上澆花的水沒澆夠支票本仍然只剩一張支票我找不到遙控器找不到眼鏡也不記得車鑰匙放哪兒了Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, Im reallybaffled because I know I was busy all damn day,然後，我試圖弄清楚為什麼今天什麼事都沒做，我真的很困惑，因為我知道我忙碌了他媽的一整天，真的累了。I realize this is a serious problem, and Ill try to get some help for it, butfirst Ill check my e-mail.....意識到這是一個嚴重的問題，我會試圖找人幫忙，但首先會去檢查我的電子郵件 .....Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because Idont remember who the hell Ive sent it to.
幫個忙吧。將這個信息轉發給你認識的每一個人，因為我也不記得該死的我寄給了誰。Dont laugh -- if this isnt you yet, your day is coming!!不要笑 - 如果這些尚未發生在你身上，總有一天會輪到你！