The 7 steps to conflict Resolution1. Develop an attitude of resolution.- Take a deep breath and count to ten.- Think about the conflict and what gave rise to it.- Instead of seeing yourself as a victim, think about your own behavior.
2. Set the stage, plan your approach- If you are still angry, find a safe place and person with whom you can vent your anger and get some honest, objective feedback.- Think through what you want to accomplish and create a vision of a desired outcome.- Mentally “see” this outcome as benefiting both parties and an image of both walking away satisfied.
3. Arrange a place and time to talk- The ability to focus is important.- Sometimes it is useful to find an environment different from the setting where the conflict arose.4. Tell your stories, gain an understanding of the issues.- Ask the person to relate her side of the conflict- Then, tell your story.
5. Listen actively and with empathy- Look directly at the person- Make eye-to-eye contact- Nod occassionaly- Sit quietly- Speak only for clarification- Summarize key pointsAs a person tells his story and perceives he is being heard, tension tends to decrease and real dialogue begins.
6. Generate solutions and a shared, win-win vision of resolution.- Explore and be creative in searching alternatives.7. Test for satisfaction- Ask each party if the solution works for them.
Key Principles in ResolvingConflict Take shared responsibility for the conflict Recognize and appreciate differences among people. Preserve individual dignity Listen carefully and with empathy, listen to understand, communicate, don’t debate. Be calm Vulnerability is a key to successful resolution, therefore open up and share your feelings.
Don’t assume people are being difficult intentionally Choose a safe place or person with whom you can vent and clarify the issues for yourself. Generate solutions…find agreement Follow-up to assure resolution and modify as necessary.
Diagram: The 7 steps to conflictresolutionTo resolve a Conflict What to Say or Do? Why?1. Calm yourself Take a deep breath Clears thinking, models control2. Restore order Take a time out Stops the fight3. Hear their stories “Help me understand Gathers information, your concern” stops tension4. Listen carefully Eye contact, don’t Honors the need to be interrupt heard5. Generate solutions “How could we resolve Moves from this?” accusations to solutions6. Agree on a solution “Would this work for Moves to resolution, you?” brings closure7. Test for satisfaction “Are you sure this will Assures clear work for you?” communication
Key Points to Remember Be a model of calm and control Don’t give in to emotional outbursts Don’t assume people are intentionally difficult Find a quiet and private place to resolve conflicts No raising of voices Speak only for yourself… “I” phrases Confront the issues not the people
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