About At one point, I was cool. I’m sure that idea is hard to swallow. Do you know what else is hard to swallow? The skin of a kiwi fruit. But I’ve done it, and in some sadistic way, I enjoy eating kiwi fruit with peel intact. Just bite into it like an apple. I can see your face now, cringing at the idea of eating a furry fruit. That feeling that you have now: a feeling of disgust, wondering what kind of person would do that, and why they would do it. That is the feeling you will get if you meet me.
Also, I enjoy pop culture references, pointing out people’s flaws in front of them, being incredibly sarcastic and incredibly friendly simultaneously, and long walks on the beach.