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  • 1. MEDSHOW 2010 – MEDS13 CLASS ACT – “THE INTERN”<br />Lights down.<br />Static noise, clips from various television stations chatter.<br />Lights flicker on and off.<br />Sound cuts, spot lights on 6 “interns.” Loud noise- cut to silence.<br />Interns stand in semi circle, heads to floor.<br />Spot follows MC 1 and MC 2 from backstage centre to front stage centre.<br />OLIVIA: Good evening ladies and gentlemen- and welcome to... The Intern.<br />SCOTT: A new reality TV show, pitting 6 Senior Medical Students against each other, and against the odds.<br />OLIVIA: The prize? 1 wild-card CaRMS position. A guaranteed Residency spot for any specialty of their choice.<br />SCOTT: So without further ado, let’s meet our Interns!<br />Loud noises, lights flash.<br />Centre spot fades- lights up on the Interns.<br />Rusty: I’m Rusty Bones, drillin’ hard for a spot in Ortho!<br />Mal: It’s Alatet, Mal Alatet- and I’ve got a complex for Psychiatry!<br />SVT:<br />I’m Steven V. Thomson, but my friends call me SVT. My heart is set on cardiology.<br />Graham:<br />I’m Graham Reaper, and I’m dying for a spot in pathology.<br />Des:<br />I’m Des Flurane, dreaming of Anaesthesiology. <br />Jane:<br />I’m Jane Comfort, and I’m planning for family. <br />OLIVIA & SCOTT: Welcome, to THE INTERN!!<br />CUT LIGHTS, LOUD NOISE,<br />PLAY OPENNING THEME SONG!!<br />MCs now at Podium<br />OLIVIA: Welcome back folks, we’ve got a great show lined up for you tonight, as our interns out-examine, out-diagnose, and out-prescribe one another for that wild-card seat.<br />SCOTT: And before we get too far in to the out-prescribing, we should take a moment to divulge any conflicts of interest.<br />Play wacky music that is high tempo<br />OLIVIA: 3M pharmaceuticals, 3S pharmaceuticals, Abott labs, Alcon, Alkaloid, Allergan, Alphapharm, Amico Labs, Amgen, Apotex, AstraZeneca, Axcan Pharma, Avax Technologies ... (BREATH) ... Barr, Bargn Pharmaceutico Ltd, Bayer, Beximco Pharm, Bioav-----<br />SCOTT: I think they get the idea- and the rest can be found on One45... eventually. I swear MedTech is working on it right now. Promise.<br />OLIVIA: All those pharmaceuticals made me think, SCOTT, are we sure this show will be safe for all viewers? There have been reports of... side effects. You know- hilarity, uncontrollable laughter, incontinence, (trailing off/coughing) sudden cardiac death...<br />SCOTT: Yah you’re right—we’re going to make sure we have the proper professional support just in case something goes wrong.<br />OLIVIA: Do you suppose there’s a general internist in the audience?<br />SCOTT: No way- they’re probably all on-call right now anyway...<br />OLIVIA: Hmmm.... What about a radiologist? Dermatologist?<br />SCOTT: No no- those won’t do- we don’t want anyone to get hurt. What about....<br />OLIVIA: Of course! That’s it!<br />OLIVIA & SCOTT: (To audience) Is there a veterinarian in the house!?<br />OLIVIA (points to somewhere in the crowd) Good good- that’s taken care of then. If anything goes wrong, you’re the expert.<br />SCOTT: Alright, perfect—then let’s get started! As you know we’ve got 6 interns- Rusty, Mal, SVT, Graham, Des, and Jane. <br />OLIVIA: The challenges? I’m glad you asked! Not only will the interns have to live together, completely cut off from the outside world, in the on-call room—they’ll each have to complete a number of challenges on the wards!<br />SCOTT: I’m feeling palpitations just thinking about it, OLIVIA!<br />OLIVIA: Should I call the vet up here?<br />SCOTT: No, no- I’m not hoarse enough yet... <br /><<play horse sound effect>><br />SCOTT: Alright then- let’s get our interns into their new home and see how the action unfolds.<br />Interns come on stage, all dressed in blues with lab uOttawa coats, stethoscopes donned.<br />Enter Rusty, Mal, and Graham stage right- Jane, Des, and SVT from stage left.<br />The room has 4 gurneys angled towards back-stage.<br />The 6 interns pause, and then start “un-packing” or whatever.<br />SVT and rusty head to stage-front left.<br />Graham and Mal to back-centre.<br />Jane and Des to stage-front right.<br />SVT: Well, looks like this is the best competition they could come up with. I’m not worried- I’ll see all of you after the match.<br />Rusty: Don’t be so sure, “Steve”<br />SVT: It’s SVT, Bones.<br />Rusty: Sure- whatever, just remember that if your heart is set on winning, you’d better be ready for some serious competition.<br />SVT laughs this off, and goes back to unpacking.<br />Des (to Jane): Look at that- it seems Rusty already had a bone to pick to SVT.<br />Jane: Somehow I’m not surprised the wannabe cardiologist and surgeon are already standing off. I can’t see their hot heads getting them anywhere- when it comes to this game, it’s about keeping a level head about you.<br />Des: You think I disagree?<br />Jane: Just keep the nitrous flow on your side of the room, ok?<br />Des is insulted, and turns away.<br />Graham (to Mal): Get a load of this, Mal- everyone is already tearing into one another.<br />Mal: And, (analysing voice) how do you feel about that?<br />Graham: Don’t go Freudian on me, Jung Mal- I’m just saying that when the dust settles, we’ll be free to pick through the fallout and be guaranteed the final two.<br />Mal: Picking through remains, eh Graham. Somehow I’m not surprised- if the other contestants are as predictable as you are, I can’t see this being a challenge at all.<br />OLIVIA and SCOTT Enter from Stage front right, at the podium.<br />OLIVIA: Well, our contestants have barely unpacked and donned their scrubs, and the claws are already out! I’d say it’s nigh time to start the competition, isn’t it SCOTT.<br />SCOTT: That’s right. (to the interns) Alright interns- your first challenge will be easy- a full cardiopulmonary physical exam- don’t forget those peripheral vascular exams either- we’ll be watching.<br />OLIVIA: And who better to start than our budding cardiologist- SVT.<br />SVT walks to centre stage, as other characters slowly walk away, off stage.<br />Patient (JOEY D-P) is sitting on gurney—SVT approaches slowly, nervously.<br />SVT: Alright SVT, you can do this—you’ve done this a million times before... Just think... inspect, palpate, percuss... but- what’s that last one? Pull? Tug? ... (Pauses to think) ... I know there’s one other thing I *have* to do...<br />Lights up on singer/performer, front stage left.<br />Opening riff plays.<br />SVT: Of course—drag the heart around!<br />JOEY D-P/ALEX and FATIMA/JADE “Stop Draggin my Heart Around”<br />Lights down.<br />Lights up, with Rusty and Jane walking down a hallway.<br />Mal is stage-front-right. Looking at charts.<br />There are gurneys and IV poles for props.<br />Rusty: That last challenge was a doozy, didn’t you think Jane?<br />Jane: I suppose so- I’ve never heard of a DRE relay race before... sure caught me off guard.<br />Rusty: Me too- but I can only imagine how the patients felt.<br />Jane (motioning to Mal): Speaking of being caught off guard- who’d have thought our competition would, you know, be so cute.<br />Rusty: Please don’t tell me you’re planning on turning this into Grey’s Anatomy. <br />(Thinking for a moment, pausing to look at a chart- SVT joins Mal) <br />Rusty: Mal’s a head case, through and through. That SVT though- he’s got something to him.<br />Jane: SVT? He’s a headstrong, self-righteous jerk!<br />Rusty: It’s rare I find such competition.<br />Jane: (sigh) Specialists... all the same.<br />Rusty: Say what you want, Jane- but it’s tough to find a relationship when you’re in medical school. It’s always so busy—I wonder how people ever meet anyone!?<br />DATING TIPS / ANDRE’S VIDEO SKIT<br />MCs re-enter the stage<br />OLIVIA: Alright interns, time to step up or step out.<br />SCOTT: That’s right- for our next challenge, we’re getting you folks to make some diagnoses with electro-cardiograms.<br />OLIVIA: Rusty- you seem to be showing interest in cardiology—so you get to start.<br />Rusty walks to centre stage, as others drift off stage (right).<br />A patient on a gurney with an ECG monitor nearby is present.<br />Rusty: (while rolling up sleeves) Alright Rusty- you can do this. You don’t need a hammer and an iPhone to fix everything—you- can- do this. ... (Pauses for a moment... stares at the beeping machine) ... If only I could remember all those arrhythmias...<br />Sound of a “dream sequence” is heard, Julia shows up, carried on to stage (cloud or person).<br />Rusty: Who are you!?<br />Julia: Probably a figment of your imagination- but just call me Dr. A. Rhythmic.<br />Rusty: I knew those long hours were getting to me... Can you help me out?<br />Julia: But of course! Let’s start with the basics- ok?<br />Rusty: Lead on!<br />Julia: When you start, you first must know, Is it fast, or is it slow?<br />Tap slowly, bradycardic.<br />Rusty: That sounds like a real slow beat-<br />Julia: Brady hearts do sound so sweet!<br />Rusty: Learning sounds is sure a blast—<br />Julia: Just wait until we start up fast!<br />Increase to “tachy cardia.”<br />Rusty: This makes sense- but what’s up next?<br />Julia: For extra sounds, it’s more complex... <br />Start S3 sound.<br />Julia: What heart sound could this beat be?<br />Rusty: Oh my stars, that’s an ess-three! (S3)<br />Julia: And surely now there’s still some more-<br />Tap out an S4<br />Rusty: Yes of course- that’s an S4! <br />So what if my mitral valve’s a bust?<br />Julia:Then this murmur is surely a must!<br />Systolic murmur tap<br />Julia: Your lessons are done- there’s nothing we’ve missed,<br />So prepare yourself, and diagnose THIS.<br />Go nuts. End as “dead.”<br /><<flat line sound effect>><br />Light back to Rusty’s Patient.<br />Rusty: Uhh... Dr. Uhhh... Rhythmic?....<br />Lights down.<br />Lights up.<br />OLIVIA: Though our Interns are confined to the on-call room when not participating in challenges, they- like all medical students worldwide- always find time to socialize. As stated in the CanMeds guidelines for Roles of a Physician, our Interns have taken on the roles of person, collaborator, and communicator through the important medical education technology, known as Facebook.<br />SCOTT: Truly, a recent study found that during any given medical school lecture, almost 62% of medical students are utilizing the Facebook tool at any given time—with runners up being e-bay at 20%, and the lecture notes themselves at 7%.<br />OLIVIA: As part of our first elimination round- however- let’s check in on our Interns now- and see just how professional they are!<br />VIDEO OF FACEBOOK PROFILE<br />OLIVIA: See, Des and Rusty are clearly demonstrating the role of health advocate...<br />“don’t get 2 drunk 2nite!!! lol”<br />“kk. C u @ the bar! <3”<br />(Show “one of those dumbass quizzes”)<br />SCOTT: Mal seems to be using his facebook to learn more about psychiatry!<br />Show: JANE HAS DONATED 3 COWS TO GRAHAM’S FARM!<br />OLIVIA: Jane and Graham are showing their collaboration.<br />Show: SVT’s profile, which is remarkably appropriate.<br />SCOTT: But wait—what’s SVT got on his profile!?!? Outrageous!! Someone this poorly well-rounded doesn’t seem a good candidate to win “The Intern!” But we’ll have to have our first elimination to find out!! Interns, front-and-centre!!<br />Interns run onstage and assemble in a line.<br />OLIVIA: Alright, interns- for our first elimination, we’ll be bringing in a special guest- our chief of professionalism, Dr. Jalali. Dr. Jalali? <br />Dr. Jalali enters in an intimidating fashion<br /><<Play music theme from “The Apprentice.”>><br />Dr. Jalali: Ok- I have reviewed your behaviour so far—and I have found that each of you has engaged in behaviour that warrants dismissal from this program. But some, of course, have transgressed more than others. Steven Thompson- you leave me no choice. Your lack of networking and dry devotion to your career is simply not tolerable on The Intern. We have no more patience for you. I don’t know why you did this- you simply leave me know choice. SVT.... You’re fired.<br />Light down<br />Lights up on podium<br />OLIVIA: We’ve moved past our first set of challenges here on “The Intern.”<br />SCOTT: But heart sounds aren’t everything, OLIVIA.<br />OLIVIA: I couldn’t agree more. When looking at any type of medicine- one must always consider the ABCs.<br />SCOTT: Alcohol, BBQs and Clubbing?<br />OLIVIA: No, no, no—Airway, breathing and circulation!<br />SCOTT: Riiiiight. And that introduces our next challenge- intubation—maintaining a vital airway!<br />OLIVIA: And the Intern to go first- our very own wannabe anaesthesiologist Des Flurane!<br />Des: I’m ready! Now- before I intubate, it’s always important to make sure the patient is relaxed and comfortable. In the OR, I use fentalnyl and propofol—or was that propane? - but for an audience, I’ll use beautiful music!<br />EVELYN ACT<br />Post-act, Des looks agitated, and upset.(holding a dripping bucket or a horsewhip)<br />Des: Oh my goodness! I can’t wake up the patient!! I have tried everything!<br />Jane runs on stage<br />Jane: Don’t worry Des, I’ve got just the thing- a little bit of raw emotion should have that patient up in a jiffy!<br />JANE (MARIA) OPERA ACT<br />Patient remains asleep, Maria checks pulse, and thinks for a moment.<br />Jane: Well- if that wasn’t enough- how about something a little more lively-- Hit it Boys! Let’s show this young man there’s no need to feel down- this next act will pick him off the ground! <br />JERSEY BOYS ACT Followed by “YMCA” on Friday & Saturday<br />In would be beneficial if the second act began their music DIRECTLY when the first group ends.<br />Patient snaps awake!<br />Lights down<br />Lights up<br />OLIVIA: That last challenge got a little hairy—and now our contestants face the second elimination of the evening.<br />CUE SURVIVOR MUSIC<br />SCOTT: On the wards, your stethoscope means life. Without it, you have no authority, and no clout with the staff.<br />OLIVIA: As contestants, you each carry the power to dismiss one of your own from this service. It’s time to vote.<br />VOTING QUICKLY<br />OLIVIA: I’ll tally the votes- once the votes have read the decision is final, and the voted contestant will have to leave the on-call room immediately.<br />Reading votes<br />OLIVIA: Rusty ... Des ... One vote Rusty, one vote Des ... Des ... Two votes Des, one vote Rusty. (long pause) And the 2nd person voted out of The Intern is... Des Flurane. Bring me your stethoscope. The specialists have spoken.<br />Play music<br />Lights down<br />Lights up<br />OLIVIA: We’re back- after the loss of our 2nd Intern, with another challenge. <br />SCOTT: If this challenge doesn’t go to your head- none will.<br />OLIVIA: That’s right—for this next challenge we’re getting our Interns to really use their brains—to conduct a neurological exam!<br />SCOTT: Mal, our up and coming psychiatrist- we’d like you to examine the patient backstage, and give us your professional assessment.<br />Mal runs backstage—<br />OLIVIA: Now- as neurological exams can be complex, this might take a few minu—<br />Mal runs back on to stage<br />Mal: Their condition was obvious. Those are the illest patients I’ve ever seen- cuz they got them moves that be sick!<br />SCOTT: Fo’ sho?<br />Mal: No doubt. Please believe-<br />OLIVIA: Aight- let’s bring ‘em out!<br />HIP HOP followed directly by BELLY DANCE ROUTINE<br />SCOTT: That neuro exam certainly got my extremities tingling!<br />OLIVIA: But not all our interns felt the same way? Where did Graham get off to?<br />SCOTT: Knowing Graham, he’s probably run downstairs to do another unwarranted autopsy.<br />OLIVIA: He really should start checking with the families first....<br />SCOTT: Let’s check out closed circuit camera system, and see what he’s been up to...<br />BODY IS A WONDERLAND VIDEO<br />OLIVIA: Oh my stars! That was the creepiest serenade I’ve ever been turned on by.<br />SCOTT: Agreed- this type of behaviour must face repercussions! Interns- it’s time for an elimination round!<br />Interns run on stage- Graham is also there.<br />Interns stand on stage- and Dr. Moineau walks on with a very serious look, and a number of charts (3) in hand. She stops opposite the Interns, and addresses them.<br />MOINEAU: I have 3 patient charts in my hand. Three of you intelligent Interns will still be in the running towards becoming Ottawa’s next top Intern ... (Flip first chart) ... Jane ...<br />Jane walks forward, accepts the chart<br />MOINEAU flips second chart<br />MOINEAU: Rusty...<br />Rusty walks forward, accepts the chart.<br />MOINEAU: Would Graham and Mal please step forward.<br />They step forward.<br />MOINEAU: Two brilliant young medical students stand before me. Only one will advance to the next round. I only have one chart left ... Mal, you started this competition with an energy we could all feel. But the judges want more from you- you need to step it up. Right now, you’re riding your initial enthusiasm. We need more. Graham, you’ve grown a lot so far in this competition- but the judges feel you’re slipping away from the group- and frankly, that last number was disturbing. The one of you whose name I don’t call, will have to go to the on-call room, pack up your scrubs, and go home.<br />... ...<br />Mal, congratulations, you’re still in the running towards becoming Ottawa’s next top Intern.<br />Music<br />Lights down<br />Light up<br />Lights up at podium. Graham walks into light, saddened by his loss.<br />Graham: I’ve learned my lesson, and I’ve had enough with pathology—I’m going to dedicate the rest of my life to the living!! To begin this truly noble endeavour, I’m happy to introduce the official spokesperson for the Ottawa School Breakfast program... Mr or Mrs Spokesperson!<br />Make official message here. Discuss with director panel.<br />CHARITY SPOKESPERSON MESSAGE<br />-=-=-=-=-=-<br />!!! INTERMISSION !!!<br />-=-=-=-=-=-<br />OLIVIA: Welcome back folks- hope you all managed to get some goodies at the bake sale, and made some bids on the silent auction. <br />SCOTT: And before we get back to the competitions and eliminations, we’d like to welcome the Meds2013 Choir!<br />CHOIR NUMBER<br />OLIVIA: Thanks so much for that beautiful music.<br />SCOTT: And lets keep the music flowing with a piano-vocal duet by Caroline and Steph.<br />CAROLINE AND STEPH PIANO DUET<br />Mal, Jane and Rusty enter the stage, each with a Tim Horton’s coffee.<br />Rusty drags her heels.<br />Jane: Well guys- we made it to the final stretch—hopefully we’ll all do well. If we stick together as a team, we’ll make it through this.<br />Rusty: But only ONE of us can WIN.<br />Mal: She’s right- it IS a competition after all, Jane.<br />Jane: Be that as it may- we have to work together, if only for the well-being of our patients. <br />Mal: Your mind games won’t work on me! Betrayal may hurt, but it’s damn effective.<br />Rusty: Darn right- it’s game time!<br />Enter the MCs<br />OLIVIA: Hey guys.<br />SCOTT: Here we are- the final leg of this amazing race!<br />OLIVIA: And since you guys have been discussing teamwork in medicine- we’re making your first service rotation in Palliative care and the ICU—a critical environment for interdisciplinary teamwork.<br />SCOTT: Rusty, you’ll be heading to ICU to work with respirology. Jane and Mal, you’re on pain service with Palliative care.<br />Rusty to stage left, Mal and Rusty to stage right, Dr. Del Paggio is stage right with Dr. Fatima.<br />Rusty is stage left with Dr. Mario.<br />Rusty: Alright, doc- I’m ready for the challenge!<br />Dr. Mario: Hiiii everybody! It’s a me! Dr. Mario!<br />Rusty: You can’t be serious.<br />Dr. Mario: For this challenge, you must do a bronchoscopy on this’a’patient!<br />Rusty: I’ve never done one of those before- are you sure?<br />Dr. Mario: Don’t a worry- it’s just like a video game!<br />MARIO PIANO MEDLEY<br />When this is complete- lights shift to stage right- where Mal, Jane and the doctors are in mid conversation...<br />Mal: ...so there is nothing else we can do?<br />Jane: There has to be SOMETHING!<br />Del Paggio: You’re right, you’re both right.<br />Fatima: It’s true- even when medication isn’t enough- there is always a therapeutic option.<br />Jane: Well, what is it?<br />Del Paggio: (stated dead pan, seriousness) Neil Young.<br />Joey’s stare remains fixed- and a nurse/resident person walks out quickly, delivering a guitar to his outstretched hand.<br />JOEY’S NEIL YOUNG SONG<br />Del Paggio: And if you need to up the dose— combination therapy has proven effective in several clinical trials. Like my gramma used to say—a little Neil Young with a healthy dose of Sarah McLaughlin works wonders. <br />FATIMA’S NUMBER<br />Rusty: So- how did that go?<br />Jane and Mal: Great! <br />Rusty: Really? I felt a little Rusty<br />Slide whistle sound<br />Jane: Oh- I’m sure you did fine—it was just a bronchoscopy right?<br />Rusty: Yeah... well... a broncoscopy and then a chest tube placement.... and then getting in a central line.... It was a disaster.... By the time I left, they were suggesting Neil Young.<br />Mal and Jane look dismayed<br />OLIVIA and SCOTT enter on at the Podium<br />OLIVIA: I hope you Interns are still ready to go, ‘cause these challenges are only going to get more intense!<br />SCOTT: That’s right, OLIVIA- we’re sending you to the emergency room for some real life trauma.<br />OLIVIA: You’ll need more than Neil Young to make it through THIS rotation.<br />Enter two extras with a gurney with a body on it.<br />Extra1: We got a trauma coming in!<br />Extra2: We’ve got a bleeder here!!!<br />Interns run over- and GLEE CHOIR enters opposite.<br />JUST, STOP- THE BLEEDING<br />Interns sit down or look exhausted<br />Rusty: Man- this is just getting too intense....<br />Jane: We can make it, Rust- just keep it together.<br />Rusty: All these ups and downs- I can’t seem to stay afloat.<br />Jane: Sometimes, when the ocean of life seems too tumultuous, you just need to take those ups and downs, and turn them into something beautiful.<br />ALEX PLAYS OCEAN<br />OLIVIA and SCOTT enter at Podium. Mal joins Rusty and Jane.<br /> <br />OLIVIA: Well Interns, we’ve reached our second last elimination round.<br />SCOTT: We’ve been watching you throughout these challenges- and come to a conclusion.<br />OLIVIA: A team of medical professionals is only as strong as its weakest link.<br />SCOTT: Rusty Bones... you ARE the Weakest Link. GOOD BYE.<br />Rusty looks sad, and immediately runs of stage, cradling her construction helmet.<br />Mal and Jane look at one another- and then stand closer together.<br />OLIVIA: This brings us to our final two. Congratulations to you both. <br />SCOTT: A hard road still lies ahead... with the most intense competition EVER still remaining.<br />OLIVIA: But first- a message from our sponsors- Labatt 50.<br />All exit stage, as “50 boys” enter.<br />“50” NUMBER<br />Mal walks on stage with chart in hand<br />Mal: “My last rotation- my final chance to prove myself... and it’s... Paeds? ... (Looks around, hesitantly) ... Oh man... I’m no good with kids!<br />Enter Adam<br />Adam: (With excitement!) Hey! You must be the stupendous new intern that’s been assigned to work with me here- in the best place in the world ever ever ever! CHEO!<br />Mal: Uh... yes?<br />Adam: Great- cause there’s a whole lot we need to do!<br />Mal: Oh-<br />Adam starts juggling balls<br />Adam: You see- Paeds is more than just medicine with kids. It’s entertainment, professionalism, patient care, family care, parent care—it’s a juggling act of sorts.<br />Mal: I’m not sure what you mean? How does juggling relate to this at all?<br />Adam: Take for example neonate care...<br />Mal tosses Adam a stuffed animal- Adam drops a ball in the exchange.<br />Adam: In this situation, caring for the baby is your first priority.<br />Mal: Ok?<br />Adam: But there’s more to it- you need to keep the parents updated 24/7!<br />Start juggling a cell phone in place of ball #2<br />Mal: I see- I see... anything else?<br />Adam: All this, while trying to maintain energy-<br />Toss ball, and grab the juggle-roll-up-rim-cup.<br />Adam: And it’s even MORE fun when you’ve got a killer paediatrics team! Dr. McGee, can you help me out!?<br />Enter Heather, Elvin, and Team<br />JUGGLING SKIT<br />Mal: You know- I think I’ve actually got the hang of it!! <br />Light down<br />Light up<br />Jane rushes on stage, looking past the audience, saying:<br />Jane: OR3, OR5 ... aha- OR7. <br />She then walks into the “OR”<br />Dr. Gaga and the surgical team are around a gurney<br />Jane: Hello there Dr. Gaga, I’m Jane Comfort- the medical student assigned to your service today.<br />Dr. Gaga looks up.<br />A pager goes off.<br />Jane: Uh—do, do you want me to get that for you?<br />Dr. Gaga: I don’t think so. <br />Pager continues to go off<br />Dr. Gaga: I can’t believe they won’t give me a break—they’ve been paging all day long!<br />Jane: Maybe I should just take the page—maybe they’ll stop?<br />Dr. Gaga: They never stop— sometimes you just need to put your foot down- right Dr. Knolls?<br />Dr. Knolls: Yeah, damn right!<br />STOP PAGING NUMBER<br />Lights down<br />Lights up on Podium- OLIVIA/SCOTT<br />OLIVIA: Ladies and gentlemen, it all comes down to this.<br />SCOTT: After all the long hours, all the scut work... one final elimination will reveal our new Intern.<br />OLIVIA: Bring out the Medical Council Jury.<br />Ominous music ((From Survivor))- Rusty, SVT, Graham and Des show up, and sit down<br />SCOTT: Our Jury must now vote on which of you, Jane and Mal, deserves to be our final Intern. <br />OLIVIA: But first- you are given a moment to plead your case. Mal, we’ll start with you.<br />Mal: I feel that during this experience, I’ve really grown a lot. Together, my patients and I have experienced so much, and I survived. I’ve managed to get in touch with my feelings, and I have been sure to stay true to myself, and play this game fairly from the start. For these reasons, I feel I deserve your vote. Thank you.<br />SCOTT: And Jane- your case?<br />Jane:<br />Hey...<br />I am not a perfectionist, or a workaholic <br />I don’t live in the on-call room<br />Or eat caf food, or own a pager<br />And I don’t know Drs. Wong, Evans, or Thompson from radiology<br />Although I am certain that they really do exist.<br />I have a hospital administrator, not a PM<br />I speak English and French, not jargon<br />I pronounce it “Aescup ... aecuslplian society”, argh I can’t pronounce it actually<br />I can proudly sew my family name on my white coat<br />I believe in healing, not only treating<br />Prevention, not palliation<br />And that the orthopod is a truly proud and noble animal.<br />The headlamp is a hat,<br />The examination table is a couch,<br />And it is pronounced “Aescu;ap” ... nope, never mind, still can’t pronounce it<br />Physicians are the proudest professionals,<br />The first to follow CanMEDS, and<br />THE BEST PEOPLE IN THE UNIVERSE<br />My name is Jane, and<br />“I AM AN INTERN!!!”<br />OLIVIA: Well Jury, you’ve got a tough decision to make. <br />Rusty, SVT, Graham and Des begin voting<br />SCOTT: I’ll tally the votes. The player with the most votes is our winner.<br />First vote- Mal.<br />One vote Mal.<br />Second vote- Jane.<br />One vote Jane, one vote Mal.<br />Third vote- Jane.<br />Two votes Jane, one vote Mal.<br />... ... ... ...<br />And our first Final Intern is... Jane Comfort for family medicine!<br />SHAYDA’S FINALE<br />