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  • 1. tc " " <br />tc " " <br /> <br /> Adventure Sports Guide<br />Hawaii tc " SURVIVING HAWAII" <br />By Jonathan Weston<br /> <br />©Jonathan Weston 2010<br />407 Ewell Ave.<br />Aptos, CA 95003<br /><br />(831)601-9924<br /> <br />tc " TABLE OF CONTENTS" <br />TABLE OF CONTENTStc " TABLE OF CONTENTS" <br />1. WEATHER & WARNINGS<br />SEASONS<br />BIG SURF<br />HI WINDS<br />RIP TIDES<br />DROWNINGS<br />TSUNAMIS<br />HURRICANES<br />SUN SCREEN<br />2. HAWAII ADVENTURES<br />SPORTS ON THE SEA<br />Surfing, Windsurfing, Kiteboarding, Boogieboarding, Bodysurfing, Skimboarding, Canoeing, Kayaking, Free diving, Scuba diving, Sailing, Sport Fishing<br />SPORTS ON LAND<br />BIKING: Road, Downhill, Mountain<br />TRAMPING: Hiking, Backpacking and Camping<br />ENDO: Marathon, Mtn. Triathlon, IronMan, Xterra<br />Rock Climbing<br />SPORTS IN THE SKY<br />Hangliding<br />Paragliding<br />3. ADVENTURE MAPS<br />OAHU, MAUI, KAUAI, BIG ISLAND, LANAI<br /> <br />4. THE ALOHA RULES<br />Thriving in paradise<br />Hawaiian Culture<br />Dawn of the Dude<br />The Dark Side<br />5. ADVENTURE SPORTS PHOTOGRAPHY<br />Shooting tips and equipment advice:<br />How to take great shots with your consumer digital<br />Right place, right time<br />Amateur and Pro outfitting<br />Water photography<br />Long lens photography<br />Underwater photography<br />Aerial photography<br />6. DA BUGGAS<br />Things that will come back and bite you:<br />LAND BUGGAStc " CHAPTER FIVE: SURVIVING DA BUGGAS" <br />Centipedes, Wild Boars, Mosquitoes, Ukus…<br />SEA BUGGAS<br />Sharks, Jellyfish, Urchins, Eels…<br />AIR BUGGAS<br />Mosquitoes<br />7. FIRST AID<br />Stings, zaps, bites, sprains, breaks, motion sickness, other tropic ills<br />Introductiontc " Introduction" <br /> You are an adventure traveler, seeking new experiences around every corner. In Hawaii, these corners come closer together, in the ultimate playground of the Pacific. Impossibly blue seas, epic surf, with tradewinds powering sails and kites across the water. Bikers and hikers choose between flying down the side of volcanoes all the way to sun drenched beaches, or meandering through the fragrant rain forest - ripe with fruits, waterfalls, and pick your jaw up off the jungle floor scenery. Paragliders get lifted above it all to eye the mind-boggling scenery; divers plunge into wonders below, in waters colorful and warm as banana pancakes.<br /> To a surfer, there’s nothing like waking at dawn with your game face on to the sound of surf rhythms strumming the shore. To the hiker, gazing out the window at sun kissed palms stretching from jungle to dawn painted sky. No matter what your adventure, your spirits rise with this sun and grow like those trees with unbounded possibility. Barely are you able to digest that papaya, so eager to be biking along volcanic trails, swimming amongst a rainbow of sea creatures, or sailing swiftly like a bird across a whitecapped sea. <br /> Yes, Hawaii is the adventure sport lover’s dreamscape. We are all here to enjoy an otherworldly tropical experience, and as long as you are prepared for all that path may cross, you may escape with only a few minor cuts and scrapes. But big things can and will go wrong in paradise. That’s right, 101 things a day. <br /> Some days, it is even the smallest thing, like a centipede or an urchin spine, which will undo your plans for the next few days. Other times, it’s taking on something bigger than you can swallow, or biting off more than you can chew, like a big wave, strong wind, or bye-bye rip tide. From jellyfish to mosquitoes, everything tropical loves to eat, sting and bite. Granted, unless you’re on your way from Guam and something is lurking under your seat besides gum, one of the few things you don’t have to worry about getting gobbled by is a snake - for now.<br /> Of course, it is seldom that you would ever experience life engulfing tsunamis, rivers of burning lava, torrential flash floods and howling hurricanes – and hold the soundtrack, the dreaded shark gobble. Yet in Hawaii, one can at least get cracked by a falling rock, sucked out to sea, and drown without too much trouble. Chances are slim that a major catastrophe or a flying coconut will hammer you on the head, yet give it time and it will. Call it act of nature or act of God, regardless of your faith or lack of it, whether your chances are good or your chances are bad, chances are. A little awareness goes a long way.<br /> And you were thinking, what in the name of Elvis could there be to downing a couple of coco milks, grabbing yourself a board, a bottle of sunscreen, and heading for the beach? Break out a flip flop? Step on a pop-top? We’ve all worn that t-shirt. A little local knowledge and a good dose of uncommonly good sense goes a long way. If you don’t have any, this book is your bible. <br /> So, should you go back to your hotel pool and enjoy the beach chair, before it’s too late? Alas, here one can even meet their demise from pure laziness alone, a blissful disease locally referred to as Tropo. A ship that never leaves the harbor is not a ship.<br /> Here in Hawaii, not only does one need to survive the surf and two million insects per visitor, we need to survive culturally as well. It wouldn’t hurt us to learn a low-key thing or two about something called Aloha, or better yet, Hawaiian Style. Perhaps we will assimilate qualities possessed by the best of easygoing island folk, such as: patience, courtesy, modesty, and a bit of respect. Here in Hawaii, you will reap what you sew.<br /> Nearly every island adventure sport, at least those that do not involve mufflers and carburetors, is covered in this book, along with tips for both the novice and advanced adventurer. Detailed descriptions, maps and illustrations, even a section on adventure photography, will guide you towards the right equipment you will need, surf spots for your ability, as well as hiking trails, dive and snorkel spots, and other valuable local knowledge.<br /> With a few pointers and heads up taken to heart, you might even turn into one akamai (smart) adventurer, find yourself more attentive and prepared to offset the unexpected that will ruin your day, and inherit some basic non-idiotic behavioral maneuvers in the process that will keep you in the lineup. <br /> There is also a handy section at the end comprised of local first aid knowledge; some of it obtained from actual doctors, most of it coming from trial by fire and a jury of jellyfish. Unfortunately, even if you do take advice from the first few chapters, you may have to refer to it often.<br /> As a Kama’aina (someone who has lived over half their life in the islands), a professional cinematographer, photographer and water cameraman, as well as an all around fish headed windsurfing, surfing, diving, biking and hiking enthusiast, I’ve been fortunate to enjoy many of the fruits Hawaii’s nature has to offer. Sure, I arrived as dumb as a coconut, been threatened and chewed on by everything tropical that flies, crawls or swims.<br /> Loads of research has gone into this book. So that you don’t have to, I wiped out aboard every craft that rides the surf, runs, bikes and flies down volcanoes, have been bitten by most everything that flies or crawls, even managed to swim out of a lucky plunge into the surf in a helicopter. Drowning, lying unconscious beneath the waves from a board spearing my skull, nearly bursting my gills in the grips of Neptune’s garden too many times to count, lying unconscious with my bike on the crater at midnight on the side of the road after hitting a cow, I am overly fortunate to be dubbed by the indigenous, Haole Still Kicking.<br /> I’m guessing by reading this book, you might be somewhat like me, with a streak of red dirt, salt and adventure running through your blood, so if you take a few lessons from my school of sailing onto hard rocks, you will Still Be Kicking Too.<br />Heads up, watch for flying coconuts, and enjoy your read. Hawaiiya Papaya!<br />CHAPTER ONE: WEATHER AND WARNINGS<br />SEASONS <br /> There are two sides to every story, and in Hawaii, two completely different surf scenarios. In the Wintertime, huge swells travel thousands of miles from Alaska, unheeded by more than a Humpback Whale, so that by the time they reach Hawaii’s North Shores, they pack a full head of steam. The less distance/time the waves power is eroded by traveling over shallow waters, add on some more wallop. The more shallow and directly hit a reef gets as it faces that open ocean, is where you get your Hawaiian punch. Oahu and Kauai have the best North Swell spots, with some fewer epic days on Maui.<br /> In the Summertime, swells come from smaller storms, farther away, and travel often over shallower water. It doesn’t take an oceanographer to figure out that the areas hit by these swells are on the South side of the islands. Generally, Oahu, Lanai, and Kauai have the best South Swell surf. Much of Maui gets blocked by Lanai and Molokai, except for on a true direct South. Mostly you get Southeast swells. We don’t talk about surfing on Molokai. There is none.<br /> The West and East sides of islands get some swells their way, but fewer and far between. Often a huge North swell will wrap around to West/East, but less often will a South wrap.<br /> The other reason that Winter is the most popular season for surfing in Hawaii is that the tradewinds die down or blow in an offshore direction. Strong Kona Winds, blowing in the Winter from the South, really make for some epic looking surf, but most surfers have trouble getting down the wave. Great for bodysurfing and boogieboarding though.<br /> So when does it rain? On the northeastern windward shores, you can expect showers at night lasting into the morning year round, while the leeward shores remain bone dry for all but the winter months. Kauai gets the most rainfall, leeward Lanai the least. <br /><br />BIG SURF<br /> Ever since Hawaii Five O aired, and perhaps long before that, people have congregated near shorelines to stare at epic surf. (It’s always been a mystery as to where this wave was actually filmed. Some say it is Ala Moana Bowl, others claim it to be Waimea). Wherever the big waves may be, their force is stronger than one might ever imagine. <br /> Drowning is one of the worst ways to go, top ten on most people’s list - just below getting chomped by a shark. Our planet is made up 3/4 of water. Your body is made up of 98% water. By poor design, humans were not by made to breathe it. Even so, the ocean calls upon every brave soul, ready or not. Here are a few precautions you can take:<br />• Get in surf shape, and if you’re not, know your limits. Everybody has them.<br />• Check for high surf advisories. Buoys hundreds of miles out to sea have sensors that alert the islands when big surf is on its way. A good practice is to check the local weather channel or surf report each day before you head to the beach.<br />• Watch for strong rip currents. Most surf rescues are made for those who have been sucked out to sea by a rip current, and tried to fight against it.<br />• Buddy up, and keep an eye on your buddy. <br />• Look before you leap. In other words, before you just jump right into the ocean, take some time to stretch and observe. How big are the sets? Ask around. Which way is the rip going? Where’s the channel? Is the channel closing out? Are there any sea monsters... <br />• Check your gear over to make sure it’s intact. <br /> Once you have taken these precautions, and the precautions have failed, then you have two options. A) You can relax and hold your breath. B) You can struggle and panic.<br />A is the proper choice.<br /> (for the latest high surf warnings)<br />HI WINDS<br /> Wind is a blessing to kiteboarders and windsurfers, a curse to surfers, divers, and kayakers. Kauai is the last windy island, Maui the most. On any given day on Maui’s Maui’s southwest shores, you might think you are in a hurricane. A sunny day on Maui has winds 10 to 30 miles an hour stronger than Kauai due to the Venturi Effect (increase in winds squeezing between a valley or channel – on Maui, it’s both).<br /> These mountains can not only cause winds to increase, but to cease altogether as well. The wind shadow can be limited to a five mile stretch of coast, more or less depending on how big the mountain is doing the blocking. These can be the areas divers and surfers head for in the afternoon, when the winds pick up.<br /> Hawaii’s spring, fall, and summer tradewinds are very consistent, and are caused by large high pressure areas to the north, combined with low pressure areas to the south, vacuuming the air right through the islands. This is why Hawaii, and Maui in particular, is a mecca for wind sports. In the Winter, these highs either sit over the islands or are replaced by a low pressure gradient, killing the wind for good surfing.<br />RIP CURRENTS<br /> Generally, you can see the rip current by it’s tell tale sign, which looks like ripples in a river, small little waves generated by mass movements of current. The larger the waves, the swifter will be the current. Toss a stick in and see how quickly it drifts out to sea. That could be you my hibiscus shorted friend.<br /> The trick here, as many people know but ignore in grips of terror, is to swim sideways to the shore. My trick to beating a rip is to relax. I just go with the flow. Sometimes, even with a board to paddle or fins on, I know I’m not going to beat it. Once the rip has its grip, let it suck you out through the channel to a point where you are behind the waves breaking furthest from shore. Swim to the rear of the waves until you get to the middle of the break called the peak; where the waves first begin to break. Here comes the fun part:<br /> As the wave approaches, swim under, relax, and let the brunt of the wave crest over you. Ascend between the spiraling boils of water just after the brunt of the wave passes. You will still be in the wave’s current, which will be pushing you directly back to shore. When between waves, keep swimming towards shore and calmly repeat this ducking action every time a wave crashes over you. Within a minutes time, you will be close to land, at which point you should be able to swim to shore without getting sucked back out again, which still may happen. If it does, remember, the more you struggle, the more you panic, that ocean’s going to win. And don’t be afraid to swallow your pride and ask a nearby surfer if there is one to give you a hand. It’s better than swallowing a sea of saltwater.<br /> In Hawaii, near shore, you will never see what is called a “rogue” wave – they are seen far out to sea, just before they perfect storm your boat in two. People often refer to a rogue wave meaning just two waves doubled up in size, but these types of waves occur on big surf days when there is already something big to double up on. Often, the weather service will warn of this type of rogue wave, and supersize the advisory. <br /> What one really has to be on their toes for is a “sneaker” wave, one that wraps around the island on a day that the waves are breaking at great heights on other shores. In other words, if you are on the West shore, things may seem very calm, even though on the North shore, waves are reaching 40 feet and higher. Once in a while though, a wave will sneak around the corner, and there you are walking along the beach with your sweetheart when, whamm! Once lover, now floatation device.<br />LIFEGUARD OFF DUTY<br /> Most beaches in Hawaii do not post a lifeguard. If you are in a situation where you encounter another person drowning, the best thing to do is get something that floats to them, something other than your body, like a boogie board. Even Aquadude or Aquabetty should not underestimate the strength of a panic-stricken person in the water. A careful approach can prevent injury and drowning to any rescuer. <br /> Take a lifesaving class to learn more, but know this; a drowning victim will not dip their head underwater and follow you deeper. When a drowning victim tries to grab you, swim down deep and away. <br /> Being a water photographer, I’ve been in many situations where I was the default lifeguard. I had the good fortune to rescue a lot of people who have gone down in the surf. Among these, a world champion windsurfing model who freaked when she got knocked off her board in ten foot surf, a drowning kid who was way over their head in Makena shore break, and a 300 pound Cornhusker who got sucked out into the Pailolo Channel on a boogie board. <br /> Having fins on sure helps, but whenever I can, I try to enlist another person to help with a boogie board, surfboard, or anything that floats. Once I have calmed the person and let them know that we were going too get through this if they follow my lead, I then basically repeat the steps necessary to get them back in through the surf, starting at the peak of the break. No sense in both of us struggling through the rip, however, talking someone who is completely freaked out that you are going to swim them over there towards the peak of the waves and dive under does not always go well. Worst comes to worse, you can drag them under and rescue them again after they have rolled inside to safety.<br /> So back to my Cornhusker. I’m out there bodysurfing at Flemings, I see a 300 pound Cornhusker float by heading out to sea, what’s a guy to do? It turns out he was of not the sharpest tool in the shed, and when I tried to talked to him, he just made funny gurgling noises and smiled a lot. I knew I couldn’t handle him alone, so I went back in, grabbed another boogieboarder, and we managed to swim him in. When we got him back to shore, his family looked sorely disappointed. Seems I foiled there plans to ship Uncle Louie out to sea.<br />DROWNINGS<br /> According to the Hawaii State Board of Health Statistics, there were 306 victims of drowning in the state over a 5-year period. Nearly half (139) occurred on the island of Oahu. That’s probably because nearly half of the people who live in Hawaii are on Oahu. More than 80% (250) of the victims were males. Most of the women drowned in their bathtubs or private swimming pools. This proves that women are smarter in the ocean, more relaxed in the tub, or men don’t bathe as much.<br /> Not surprisingly, other than soaping, swimming was the most common activity associated with drowning (18% of all incidents). Thirty six of the victims were fishing at the time of drowning, including at least 9 of whom were fishing from the shore and were swept out to sea, as were another 9 victims whom were gathering opihi from the rocks. Other common activities were scuba diving (23 victims), snorkeling (20) and surfing or boogie boarding (17). Only one was due to windsurfing. <br /> Forty-one percent of the drowning victims were not residents of Hawaii, aka, dumb Haoles. The majority (80%) of victims drowned while snorkeling. <br /> Some dumb tips for beachcombers: <br /> Don’t dive into unknown water or into shallow breaking waves. If you are walking into the water where there is a beach break and see a wave coming at you of ample proportions, do not turn your back and run! The best thing you can do is to face the music and dive under the wave. As the wave passes, pop back up to the surface and if you feel you are out of your league, wash on up to shore and fight your way to dry land. Always keep your eye on the next wave. In one day at Makena, eight backs were broken by people running from the wave with their backs to the wave.<br /> Children with ADP, attentive disorder parents, are the most susceptible to drowning. If you need to be told to supervise young children while they are in, on, or near the water, you should hire a personal lifeguard. Drownings and near-drownings of children occur during very short lapses in supervision. Don’t let older siblings or Barney watch your children while you go to the beach bar. Do not rely on water wings, man of flubber toys or other floatation devices to protect a child. Take a CPR course. Keep a cell phone charged and handy. When there’s an emergency - don’t stall, don’t call Baywatch, call a real lifeguard or 911! Children are not waterproof.<br />TSUNAMI tc " TSUNAMI " <br /> Of all the catastrophic elements in the tropics, the Tsunami ranks highest among Hawaii’s fear factors. This image of a massive wall of whitewater charging towards us as we stand with our toes plastered in sand, heart pounding, shorts filling - reminds us of how fragile our existence. With little warning, there is no place to run or hide. Within seconds, caught in the palm of God’s hand, we are crushed and flushed like a bug. <br />MYTH: Hawaii’s Tsunami’s come in the form of huge jaws- like, life engulfing waves. <br />FACT: Rarely would you witness such a Hollywood epic. <br /> <br /> Hawaii’s Tsunamis occur when an earthquake in Japan, or an undersea tectonic plate movement, send a huge body of water Island bound. If you were lucky enough to be close to the shores of civilization at this time, you would hear a siren that lasts for more than a minute. This, my funny gecko shirted friends is a Tsunami warning - not a call to break out the long board. Head your Hummer for higher ground.<br /> These Tsunamis generally consist of a series of waves, often referred<br /> Once in a blue moon, a huge wave will form, like those paintings you see, an abrupt front of whitewater, a high rise gobbling monster. Most often, the Tsunami comes in the form of a massive tidal movement. First, the tide goes way out, stranding fish in their tracks, luring clueless people into walking out onto the dry reefs with shopping carts to collect flopping fish. Then the tide rises quite rapidly and the water comes rolling inland like a flood heading uphill. As the Tsunami recedes, anything not planted twenty feet into the ground is going out to sea in a roiling boiling mass of panic and devastation. Turbulent backwash may form standing waves of destruction, as swirling currents make swimming even in a Hummer2 difficult at best. All hell breaks loose, and yes, the sushi collector, the Cosco shopping carts, rafts of toilet paper and all your luau plans go out to sea. <br /> The Tsunami wave train. The amount of time between successive waves, known as the wave period, is only a few minutes, though in some instances waves are over an hour apart. The distance between each successive wave crest is much larger than that of a normal wave, and may be hundreds of miles apart. Depending on the depth of the water in which the tsunami is traveling, it may attain speeds of up to 500 miles an hour in the deeps, yet you could be scuba diving, or in the ocean on a boat, and never even notice the Tsunami passing by. Of course, the Tsunami will slow significantly before it ever reaches shore, but unlike a hurricane, there is little time to pack your lunch, yet plenty of time to eat it. <br /> Fortunately, they now have sensors in the ocean to improve the chance you will not be caught dead by a fifty-foot wave while sipping on your Mai Tai beachside. Supposing the sensors are working, supposing you are not in a remote area, and supposing you are not deaf; when you hear an air raid siren, saddle up the Palomino and gallop Upcountry. <br /> The Pacific Tsunami Warning Center has issued more than 20 warnings since it was first established in 1948. 25% of these resulted in significant Pacific-wide tsunamis. Even though all significant Pacific-wide tsunami events have been detected since 1948, 61 people perished when they failed to heed the warning. Many people have lost their lives after returning home in between the waves of a tsunami, thinking that the waves had stopped coming. Remembering back a few paragraphs if you will or can, the distance and time between waves is huge. Once a warning has been issued you should evacuate immediately.<br /> So what is the worst island to be on during a tsunami? History has it, the Big Island. There have been several significant tsunamis resulting from the Big Islands close proximity to local earthquakes or submarine landslides. The most recent and devastating of these tsunamis occurred in the early morning hours on November 29, 1975. Within little over an hour, two earthquakes jolted the island. The first, located three miles inland of Kamoamoa village in Volcanoes National Park, registered 5.7. The second, centered two miles offshore of the Wahaula heiau (also in the park area) was much more violent having a Richter magnitude later to be determined as 7.2. The result of this earthquake was a 10-foot erosion of the shoreline and the second most destructive local tsunami ever to be recorded in Hawaii.<br /> Campers in the remote Volcanoes National Park coast at Halape were awakened by the violent shaking of the first quake, unknowing that a second and more severe quake would follow in just over an hour later. Some of them had barely gotten back to sleep when the second quake shook so violently that standing was nearly impossible. Within 30 seconds, the first of five tsunami waves struck Halape. Nineteen were injured. Two campers did not survive. <br /> Boats are safer from tsunami damage while in the deep ocean rather than moored in a harbor. Even scuba divers diving just off the coast of Phuket were unaware of the Tsunami that killed thousands just onshore. However, U.S. Coast Guard guidelines suggest watercraft deployment far out to sea where water depths are at least 1,200 feet (200 fathoms). However, don’t attempt to get underway if it is too close to the first wave arrival time. Anticipate slowdowns caused by traffic gridlock and hundreds of other boaters heading out to sea. <br /> Back in 1970, the entire town of Kahului, Maui, flooded, and took out huge points of land such as the picnic area at Hookipa (North Shore). The destruction was so paramount they had to rebuild much of Kahului. Now they’ve put in giant sea walls in the form of K Mart, Wall Mart and Costco to shore things up (which effectively became the superstore tsunami that wiped out a lot of small businesses in Hawaii).<br />MYTH: When you hear a conch shell blown three times, a Tsunami is coming.<br />FACT: Actually, that would mean the Luau is starting shortly, or hot doughnuts at Krispy Kreme.<br />For more on Tsunamis, go to:<br /><br /><br />HURRICANES<br /> Since 1950, when they started keeping records and calling these bouts of high wind, hurricanes, at least seven storms of hurricane force have caused serious damage to the Islands. This could keep you on your toes. Though these storms are tracked and you would think with modern technology at hand, there would be plenty of time to hop on a plane and dodge the bullet.<br /> Hurricane season runs parallel in Hawaii to the Caribbean’s. From August to late October, you can pretty much brace yourself for at least a good scare or two. When a hurricane is approaching, even the best weather folk can be steered wrong by a storm’s track. The whammies of life are just not meant to be so predictable. <br /> ”Alfredo is heading safely out to sea, and will lose strength within the next six hours, downgrading to a tropical storm by midnight...wait...Alfredo has redirected and strengthened to 120 mph and is heading straight for us!”<br /> Little Pig Little Pig! Houses fly when we least expect it, and are often worst prepared for it. The common thought, even after New Orleans, even after Iniki, tends to be,<br /> “That would never happen to me, not on my watch. It’ll be a little storm, blow some sand around maybe. I planned this trip all year, paid good money. Just think how good the surf’s going to be.” <br /> How quickly us’ns forgets. Here are a few of the more common catastrophes acquainted with our 50th State, along with a few tips on how to prepare to at least wiggle out of harm’s way.<br /> tc " HURRICANES" <br />• 1957 Hurricane Nina blew record winds in Honolulu on the day I was born. <br />• 1959 Hurricane Dot blew the doors off Kauai. <br />• 1982 Hurricane Iwa romped through Kauai and Oahu, leaving extensive damage. <br />• 1986 Hurricane Estelle produced shore-gouging surf on Hawaii and Maui with flooding on Oahu. <br />• 1993 Hurricane Fernanda produces high winds and happy surfing.<br />• 1994 Hurricane Emilia had the lowest central pressure of any storm ever in the Pacific.<br />• 2002 Hurricane Huko just misses the islands. <br />Perhaps since this book’s release, a few more have been unleashed.<br /> Certainly the Big Island gets more than their share of shoreline damage from the destructive surf generated by a major storm surges. Yet, one of the amazing things about Hawaii’s weather is that the same mountains that make one island windier than the others on normal tradewind days, actually act as a redirecting buffer against a hurricane’s path. The Big Island has the tallest volcanoes in Hawaii, and Mauna Loa is, from the ocean floor up, the tallest mountain on earth. <br /> Maui has 10,023 foot Haleakala standing guard. On the North Shore of Maui, during one of Hawaii’s most terrifying hurricanes, Iniki, not even a chicken feather flew. During most hurricanes, Mauians can be found surfing and windsurfing the South Shore having the time of their lives. (Mauians should be more concerned more concerned about Tsunami’s than hurricanes). <br /> Lanai, Oahu…now there are some nice low lying islands. To this date, modern Waikiki has escaped Huff and Puff’s wrath. Waikiki was built on a swamp, so if it ever does hit there, expect the face of Hawaii to change forever. <br /> Kauai homeowners, and hotel owners to a larger extent, shake in their sandals when they hear the Big Bad Wolf knocking. While Emilia was the strongest to pass through our part of the Pacific, the most direct hit came from the piercing winds of Hurricane Iniki. <br /> On September 11, 1992, Hurricane Iniki was the most devastating of all God’s 9/11 wake up calls for the people of Oahu, and much worse, to all who chose to weather the storm on Kauai. Billions of dollars in damage was done. Houses, hotels and tourism were devastated. By luck or miracle, only a handful of those who rode the storm out perished. (On the sunny side, it was a really good day for carpenters and the construction industry). <br /> But just in case you have defied the laws of stupidity, and decided to buy property on Maui or upcountry Hawaii, observe that this topographical theory does not always ring true - tall mountains and tradewinds do knock the breath out of, or at least redirect even the strongest hurricanes, but there is always exception to the rule. <br /> On a surf trip to Puerto Vallarta in Mexico, I asked my taxi cab driver if he had experienced any hurricanes. He said, “Yes, many in the North where I grew up in Chihuahua, because the land there was flat. My house, it was leveled many times, as were the Chihuahuas. But here in Puerto Vallarta, we have the mountains, so there is nothing to be worried about, no danger at all.” The very next week, Puerto Vallarta experienced the worst hurricane in their recorded history. <br />For more on all Hawaii storms and their history go to:<br /><br /><br /><br />SUNBURN AND SKIN CANCERtc " SUNBURN AND SKIN CANCER" <br /> Very simply, sunburn and UV light can and will damage your skin, and this damage can lead to skin cancer. There are of course other determining factors, including your heredity and the environment you live in. However, both the total amount of sun received over the years, and overexposure resulting in sunburn can cause skin cancer. <br />• Minimize your exposure to the sun at midday and between the hours of 10:00AM and 3:00PM. <br />• Apply sunscreen with at least a SPF-30 or higher, to all areas of the body which are exposed to the sun.<br />• Reapply sunscreen every two hours, even on cloudy days. Reapply after swimming or perspiring.<br />• Wear clothing that covers your body and shades your face. (Hats that provide shade for both the face and back of the neck.)<br />• Avoid exposure to UV radiation from sunlamps or tanning parlors.<br />• Protect your children. Keep them from excessive sun exposure when the sun is strongest, and apply sunscreen liberally and frequently to children 6 months of age and older. Do not use sunscreen on children under 6 months of age. Parents with children under 6 months of age should severely limit their children’s sun exposure. Baby beach is not good for babies.<br />Hereditytc " Heredity" <br /> If there is a history of skin cancer in your family, you are probably at a higher risk. People with fair skin, with a northern European heritage appear to be most susceptible. <br /> Most people receive 80% of their lifetime exposure to the sun by 18 years of age. The message to parents from this is, whether you have a history of skin cancer or not, protect your children by applying spf 30 or greater sunscreen before they go outside. <br />Environmenttc " Environment" <br /> The level of UV light today is higher than it was 50 or 100 years ago. This is due to a reduction of ozone in the earth’s atmosphere (the Ozone Hole). Ozone serves as a filter to screen out and reduce the amount of UV light that we are exposed to. With less atmospheric ozone, a higher level of UV light reaches the earth’s surface.<br /> Other influencing factors include elevation, latitude, and cloud cover. Ultra Violet light is stronger as elevation increases. The thinner atmosphere at higher altitudes cannot filter UV as effectively as it can at sea level. The rays of the sun are also strongest near the equator, as you might guess. But even in Antarctica, Chile, and New Zealand, the UV level is much higher than normal especially in the springtime due to the ozone hole in the southern hemisphere.<br /> Cloud cover can burn you more than a sunny day.<br />Who is at risk? tc " Who is at risk? " <br />Although anyone can get skin cancer, some people are at particular risk. Risk factors include:<br /> * Light skin color, hair color, eye color.<br /> * Family history of skin cancer.<br /> * Personal history of skin cancer.<br /> * Chronic exposure to the sun.<br /> * History of sunburns early in life.<br /> * Certain types and a large number of moles.<br /> * Freckles, which indicate sun sensitivity and sun damage.<br />SUN DAMAGEtc " TYPES OF SKIN CANCER" <br /> Everyone gets a little sunburned when they come to Hawaii. Rays reflecting off of water are a sure fire recipe for at least a good bacon fry. Depending on the fairness of your skin, once in awhile this can be harmless, but on a continued basis, deadly. Skin cancer is the most common form of cancer in the United States. More than 1 million new cases of skin cancer will be diagnosed this year. <br /> The three major types of skin cancer are basal cell carcinoma, squamous cell carcinoma, and melanoma. Although basal cell and squamous cell carcinomas can be cured if detected and treated early, these cancers can cause considerable damage and disfigurement. Melanoma is the deadliest form of skin cancer, causing more than 75% of all skin cancer deaths. <br /> The average age at which melanoma strikes has been dropping dramatically. Ten years ago it was considered unusual to find skin cancer in anyone under 40. Matt Schweitzer, son of windsurfing inventor Hoyle Schweitzer and ten time windsurfing national champion, suffered career ending skin cancer before the age of 30. This year, fully one-fourth of all melanomas will involve people in their 20s and 30s. <br /> Tragically, children are the most susceptible, but the problem may not show up for years. If caught early, malignant melanoma is virtually 100 percent curable. The sunburn they receive this week may take 20 years or more, but chances are it will sooner or later become some form of skin cancer.<br /> Sunscreens dramatically reduce the chance of skin problems. Although most experts agree screens with an SPF of 15 sufficiently protect most skin, recent studies show that higher SPF numbers offer additional protection, especially in the first few hours of exposure. Be sure your sunscreen guards against UVB and UVA radiation. Sunscreens are maximally effective if smeared on when skin is warm, and allowed to soak in for about a half-hour before extreme exposure, then reapply every hour. If you’re someone with a very susceptible skin-type, consider completely blocking UV radiation with an opaque substance such as zinc oxide, and wear protective clothing.<br /> Some medications, combined with sunshine, decrease the time it takes for UV light to damage skin: tetracyclines, antihistamines, sulfa drugs, diuretics, and some oral contraceptives. Consult your physician or pharmacist.<br /> UV light damages eyes as well as skin. The conjunctiva can swell from UV exposure, sun-induced cataracts can form from repeated exposure, and direct UV will burn the retina. Wear sunglasses that absorb or reflect UV light. My first year in Hawaii, I spent day after day surfing the North Shore. On one extremely reflective day, I thought I went blind. My vision clouded over so much I had to be driven home by a friend, and I could not see clearly for three days. Upon visiting an eye doctor, I found out I had a thing called Terridgeums. They look like tobacco stains on your eye. The doctor’s recommendation was to scrape them off my eyeballs, a risky operation where you have to keep your eyes open the whole time. And I thought going to the dentist was bad.<br />CHAPTER TWO: ADVENTURE SPORTS<br />SPORTS ON THE WATER<br /> There are a lot of adventure sports enjoyed in many spots of the world, but it is the epic conditions of Hawaii’s ocean playground that attracts most people to either visit or become a perma-vacationer. Before I get into details on each adventure; whether it be a surf sport, wind sport, paddle or dive sport - here are a few topics of interest to all water sports " THE CHAPTER: SURVIVAL AT PLAY" <br />tc " " <br />SURFINGtc " SURFING" <br /> Surfing in Hawaii is like college football in Idaho. Rather than a restricted playing field with all sorts of rules and regulations, surfing is a sport performed on a liquid landscape of warm colors and fluid motion. You don’t have to get tubed or ride the perfect wave to bust out of your skin with ecstasy. Simply standing up on your first wave is one of the purest forms of adrenalin rush on Earth’s greater portion. When landlubbers ask why we waste so much of our time on the water we reply, “Why else would God have made our planet 75% water, if we were not to spend 75% of our time on it?”<br /> Yes, surfing is the sport of Kings, not to be confused with the King of Beers (beer cans get dents - surfboards get dings). It’s only water, right? Though surf is a liquid, the beautiful molecules of water, when ganged up can deliver a solid Hawaiian punch. Maybe you’ve been playing rugby all your life, are some level of Kung foo fighter, even a champion of the Daytona surf club. To get through this coconut cowabunga experience with all pieces intact, you will need straw hats full of local surfing knowledge.<br /> Most surfers who come to Hawaii have a few healthy doses of respect in their head, if not fears. Fear of monster waves, fear of razor sharp reefs, fear of big sharks, going broke, and last but not least, mean locals. My what the Hollywood industry has done to our psyche. <br /> Virtually everyone who enters the surf is going to take a pounding and come out with at least a bad case of reef rash, but that’s all par for the course. There is nothing more jolly than a great session of sunburned, skin chafed, shin knotted, head whacking SURF! If you, rookie, get up on a wave before getting mowed over, avoid hitting the reef, do not get the snot knocked out of you, and make it back to shore in one piece, you’re not trying hard enough. Paddle back out there and get some more.<br /> The common types of surfing injuries are self-inflicted - usually cuts and gashes. Not by sharks (though you should keep an eye out for those as well), but those sharp skegs on the underside, and the reef further below. An errant kick of the fin will take a huge chunk out of your foot as well as your leisure time. Sand the edges down to round them off. A slight loss in performance is better than a month out of the water for injury. Just ask one of the most famous surfers in the world, Gerry Lopez, who engaged a fin in the okole region.<br /> During periods of low tide, the reef can poke right up out of the water while you are riding the wave. If this happens, you will want to stay high on the wall of the wave angling down the face. Diving head first into a coral head will at best give you a gnarly face rash that will hard to explain to your partner back home, at worst break your neck.<br /> Few people actually die from surfing, a lot fewer than one would expect with the dangers of drowning, hitting the reef, and getting run over by fellow padre. Everybody nearly drowns or gets a sharp nose to the noggin more than they would like to admit. The highest area of casualty is at Pipeline, where the gnarly wave spits out onto a shallow reef.<br /> The biggest danger is from other surfers. Some spots in Hawaii are more packed than The Black Hole at a Raiders game. If you are learning, search out some of the less popular breaks, and if you’re awesome Dude or Betty, at least exercise good surf etiquette.<br /> This is not saying that you have to fear the locals, but if you don’t respect them, it could spell trouble. Even if you’re the hottest surfer from Santa Cruz, don’t go for it on Bruddah’s wave. When you’re done, don’t yell out to your buds, “Dude, was I ripping or what!” You may get the what’s for. <br /> There is no better way to gain respect for your self in the islands than to be patient, modest and respectful. There is no quicker way to an early exit than to be an arrogant, barging (dropping in on someone else’s wave), disrespectful surfer. <br /> So head out there to a spot that is not above your ability, give the locals their waves, then when one lines up just right for you and nobody else is on it, give it your all. That would typically be the last wave of the set, when all the good surfers are inside smiling from their ride. <br /> Fear and timidity will get you nowhere. You have to have that “go for it” attitude or you will go nowhere at all. The best surfers are going to be the closest ones to the peak, but by sitting on the shoulder you will only get a nibble of a ride if any at all. Try somewhere in-between the two, or surf at a break where the point is shifting and less defined. Head for a less crowded break, and remember, the early bird gets the worm.<br /> Those new to the sport can take a lesson from a bevy of surf instructors. Asking the guys at the surf shop is your best bet, or just look for a beach shack or van loaded up with sponge planks. If you go for the trial by fire plan and rent/buy a board at any local surf shop, don’t go for one of the cool short boards you see all the groms carrying around; get a long board you can really learn the ropes on.<br /> To avoid confrontations and make your surfing experience a memorable one for the right reasons, pick a surf spot with lots of kindred spirits. There are breaks on every island that are notorious beginner grounds. For example, on Maui, there is a place called Thousand Peaks. Affably, it is also called Grandpas and Thousand Geeks, but don’t let that bother your ego, it’s a fun place to ride. If you’re gun shy, get a 10 footer and paddle with fellow Kooks to outer reefs and other places where the surf is not prized for its speed and barrels. On Oahu, Waikiki is a good place to learn. <br /> Besides having too small of a board, the most common technique mistake beginners to intermediates make is to be in the wrong spot at the wrong time; too far in front or more typically too far behind the peak and too far down the line – away from the power of the peak. If you’re not in the power pocket, you’re going to biff, and too far in front, bonk. As well, beginners tend to lie too far back on their boards and spend too much time in the prone position before they stand up. You have to go straight from prone to standing as you drop down the wave, no kneeboarding in-between. <br /> Here are a few basic rules to follow:<br />• Do not get between your board and the beach! If the board’s coming at your head, duck under! <br />• Wear a leash. Make sure it’s got a quick release in case you get the leash wrapped around the reef and it won’t let you surface.<br />• Hang onto your board. When caught inside, always swim out through the channel or away from the peak. If a surfer’s coming at you, angle your board a bit away from the direction he is traveling and keep paddling out. Don’t jump off your board and freak. The board could go over the falls and hit another surfer. Also the board can recoil from your leash and whack you as well.<br />• When you are paddling out, find a channel to get out through the waves so you are not getting in the path of those riding them.<br />• Stay out of Harm’s way. Harm could be the name of a scrapping Aussie. A good way to avoid confrontation is to know who has the right of way. <br />The wave belongs to the rider closest to the peak, regardless of who has it first. Of course, territorial rules do sometimes apply, and you’ll pretty much know you’re out of line when you hear the agro words, “Get lost, Kook!” It’s entirely up to you whether you pay any mind. <br />EQUIPMENT<br />Surf Shorts: Not too loud or girly, even if you’re a girl. Pull them up if you’re a boy.<br />Rash Guard or Wetsuit Vest: To protect from nipple rash and man boob chafe. <br />Sex Wax: Even if you can’t get any.<br />Wax Comb: For your board, not your bikini.<br />Leash: Make sure it has a quick release, like a DaKine, for when your leash gets wrapped around a coral head or someone else’s neck.<br />BOARDS<br />Shortboard: For the rippers. Comes in many designs:<br />Swallowtail, Squashtail, Roundtail, Rounded pin<br />Generally, the wider tails like the swallowtail and squashtail are for smaller waves. 6-7 feet long. Modern designs to handle larger waves have pulled in noses.<br />Gun: For big wave riders<br />Narrow pintail 7-10 feet long. Footstraps optional.<br />Mini-Tanker: For small to medium mushburger waves, or for novice surfers who find waves harder to catch but want a looser ride than a longboard.<br />Rounded pintail (or Spoon), wide in nose and tail. 7-8 feet long.<br />Performance Longboard: Small to medium waves.<br />8.5-10 feet long, wide but thin. Newer technology sandwich boards produced by SurfTech are much lighter, thinner, yet floatier. Come in many shaper models, Robert August and the Wingnut models being a favorite.<br />Tanker: Small to medium waves.<br />9-10 feet long. Often carved of wood or made with foam and heavy duty fiberglass. Most durable and glideworthy.<br />Tandem: Small to medium waves.<br />12-14 feet long. Two ride for the price of one. The next platform for a John Heder/Will Farrell movie?<br />Stand-Up Paddleboard: Small to medium waves.<br />10-12 feet long, extra thick and wide so you can stand up and float without motion.<br /> Stand up paddleboarding is a form of surfing in renaissance, with quite a following by even the best of surfers. Using the paddle to catch the wave and lean into the turn, it has become an art form that brings new life to the sport.<br /> Tow surfing utilizes Jet Ski’s to pull the surfer into larger waves than they could paddle into. A miff to surfing purists, it has tamed waves impossible to ride otherwise, using footstraps to keep the rider on board. Unless you own or have a friend with a Jet Ski, you will not be participating.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> (big island)<br /><br />WINDSURFINGtc " WINDSURFING" <br /> There is no better spot in the world that has more consistent conditions for windsurfing. Beaches with sideshore winds, warm waters and a wide choice of wave heights make Hawaii a hotbed for this sport. Windsurfing is a powerful adrenalin rush, mixed with an intense communion with colors and nature. You are already riding the wave long before it breaks, eliminating the most difficult part of surfing. Though in few places crowded, you do not sit in a lineup and hustle for waves.<br /> Outside of plowing into somebody at 30 nauts, one of the greatest dangers of windsurfing comes from hitting the reef. After a few times of soaring into the air on a mast high jump, then landing your feet in coral, you will perfect the “pancake landing’’, which essentially means you fall as horizontal to the water as possible. This can sometimes result in a backslap or belly flop, so be advised to wear at least a wetsuit vest, and wait for medium to high tide until you get it down.<br /> Unless you are an expert, stay away from Oahu’s North Shore, Diamond Head, Maui’s Hookipa or Jaws. There are plenty more places like Kailua (Oahu), Kanaha and Kihei (Maui), to have fun without wasting your board or body on the rocks. <br /> Absolute beginners should schedule a lesson. This sport is way too difficult to learn without at least a few pointers. Schools also have the right equipment for your learning experience.<br /> Launching your board into the water can be the most difficult part of your day, so go somewhere there is little shorebreak. This would not be Hookipa. The shorebreak there can slam you onto the sand, rip your sail and break your mast. You almost make it out through the channel, till this one wave pops up and you go flying into the air, knocked out of your footstraps. <br /> Any other dangers you should know about? A lot of people tweak their ankles from ill adjusted footstraps. Then there’s that occasional collision (know the right of way, the same as in sailing), the jousting of the mast tumbling in the surf, boom in the teeth as the lip pitches, upside down head on board after doing a perfect double (don’t ask Francisco Goya about that one, he won’t remember), shark bite, broken appendages, swallowing water by force, burst eardrum.... all in all, still safer than most land sports, and a lot more fun.<br /> For the amount of pleasure derived from this sport, the equipment is well worth the price. Certainly, it can break your wallet if you go out in dangerous conditions and break a 300-dollar mast every week and rip your 600-dollar sail. A new board, which always goes on the rocks first day out, will run you 1200-2000. Add in a boom, universal, harness, etc., and you find yourself swinging a light purse. But you can also find a lot of bargains at the second wind shops, as well as rental gear. <br /> If you are a windsurfer new to the islands, there are just a few things you need to remember. <br />• Starboard tack, heading out, still has right of way. <br />• Stay away from any peak with five or more surfers on it. <br />• Look before you jibe.<br />•The person to catch a wave closest to the peak has right of way.<br />• Watch for spear fishermen and stay out of no windsurfing zones.<br /> When you fall, hang onto your mast about 3/4 ways up and sink it before the wave hits you. Hand on and ride it out to the inside of the break or a break in the waves if you’re a quick study at waterstarting. To become a quick study at waterstarting, tilt the mast forward, sheet in and hope for the best.<br /> (The following quill is by Fred Haywood, first human to break 30 nauts on a windsurfer, big wave rider and Maui real estate magnate)<br /> “ I remember that Monday morning well. Arnaud de Rosnay stopped me in the middle of the highway at9 am to tell me that the biggest waves of the year were coming in today and that he had a helicopter scheduled for12: 30that afternoon. He asked that I be present and I mentioned that I would be there at3: 30 pm.“<br /> “I explained that since I had sailed the previous 5 days at Hookipa the biggest wave would come in on the tide change which would happen at4: 30 pm. He rolled his eyes and told me I would miss the photo session. I told him that I did not care but that I intended to ride only one wave and it would be near4:30pm.” (Arnaud was not only a very prominent photographer, but a great adventurer himself. After having made many successful long distance windsurfing voyages, Arnaud was lost in heavy seas attempting to cross from China to Taiwan).<br /> “I arrived at the beach at 3 pm and rigged a 5.9 sail on a 16 foot mast as I watched Mike Eskimo, Craig Masonville, and Malta Simmer on the waves. The wind diminished by the time I attempted to sail out, which took about 40 minutes. My heart pounded as I scaled the huge white waters coming at me. I finally connected with an opening between set waves and inched my way out while free falling several stories off the back of huge set waves approaching.” <br /> “ I sailed back and forth for nearly 45 minutes waiting for the horizon to blacken. Finally, I could see a huge set feathering with one wave in the background standing up like a skyscraper over the others. The light wind had now turned more offshore so I had to reach across the wave to get down the face. I tried to outrun it by sailing into the flat in front of the wave and noticed that the back of the wave in front of me was now blocking my wind. I was out of wind so I feathered my sail looking for wind while I backed back up the wave behind me. I was really scared now, as I didn’t know whether this wave was going to crush me. The wave landed on my tail block and exploded like a bomb causing me to release my booms to my fingertips while all the whitewater hid me for several seconds. Surprisingly, I collected myself, squeezed my booms, and reconnected with the wind and sailed back out of the whitewater and straight to the beach. One wave and one big smile.”<br /> Fred Haywood (Love Life. Live Maui)<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />BOOGIE BOARDINGtc " BOOGIE BOARDING" <br /> Almost everyone who comes to Hawaii and gets their feet wet gets a boogie board, which qualifies you to wear a Surf T-Shirt. It’s a great way to hop into the waves and have a little fun, while learning the dynamics of how and how not to ride them. <br /> Boogie boarding has its advantages over surfing in that you don’t have to be super coordinated to stand up, you have less distance to fall, get tubed easier, and you pay less for mistakes. In boogie boarding, there are usually no skegs or sharp noses to deal with, and as long as you hang onto your board, there is also a sponge between you and the reef. It’s a great way to initiate your way into the surf, and even grown adults have been known to ride them, so don’t take offense to being called a SpongeBob, or SpongeBetty.<br /> Going over the falls can still be an awakening experience. Losing your board, plowing into the sand and/or slamming the reef head on, a sleeper. The best way to avoid getting a sponge injury is again, to head for a beach that is a bit tamer than most, with a sandy bottom and no surfers. Look for waves that are not breaking head over heels. The worst places for a beginner boogie boarder or bodysurfer is a place like Makena Beach on Maui, Sandy Beach on Oahu, or Brenecke’s on Kauai. These are also the best places to boogie board, but when the surf is high, typically in the summertime for these south swell beaches, the waves are for experts only. To boogie board, you will also need to be a good swimmer.<br /> So the trick to boogie boarding is to turn slightly toward the wave as it is approaching to determine where the peak of the wave is going to break, then paddle and kick like mad towards that peak. Next, determine by the angle of the wave to the beach, which way the wave is going to break. Figuring out whether you are too far in or too far out will come with experience. Too far out, you won’t catch the wave. Too far in, and you’re toast. <br /> Position yourself forward on the board if you want to have a chance at sliding down the wave. Once you catch the wave by paddling your brains out, rather than ride the wave straight towards the beach, you want to angle in a direction that the wave is breaking, scooch back a hair, and pull up hard enough on the down-wave rail to stay on the wave<br /> Typically, you will need surf fins, the short rubber fellows required to catch a wave in deeper water, but in shallow water less than chest high, you can get away without them and just jump into the wave. Some of the best waves are micro barrels breaking right up onto the beach, and fins will only impede your ability to ride the wave. <br /> Get a good board, not a cheapo. Wax it and have your dog scratch it up so you will stick to it better. Boards with stiffer bottoms for performance on larger waves cost about two hundred bucks. The place where you don’t want to scrimp is with the fins. You don’t want to use scuba fins. Get a good pair of short, soft rubber Churchills, Duck or Tech fins.<br /> You really need to slow yourself in order to get tubed. As the wave curls over your head, spread your legs or a hand for drag, and pull the rail up hard into the wave. As the wave closes out, pull even harder on the rail and duck right into the wall of the wave so you don’t go over the falls. It takes a while to figure this out, going over the falls and slamming your shoulders into the sand time and again, but once you get it down, you can handle larger more critical waves.<br /><br />BODYSURFINGtc " BODYSURFING" <br /> Few sports immerse you more into the elements than bodysurfing. Using your own body as a surfing projectile, you swim hard down the face of the wave, stretch your arm out and glide like a pelican. If done right, it’s delphinic. If done wrong, it will end with a primitive plow into the sand and a wishboned collarbone.<br /> Wave positioning in bodysurfing is as crucial as the other surfing venues, the only difference being that you need to be in towards the shore a bit more than surfers, waiting till the wave is in pitching mode. You also need to claw straight towards the bottom to initiate the ride before angling in the right direction (or the left). Reach the arm closest to the wave out and angle your torso as if you were going to almost do the sidestroke, guiding your way with the arch of your back. To end the ride, you can simply curl your body back into the wave and become as hydro dynamically dysfunctional as possible.<br /> Bodysurfing is almost the cheapest sport for the most amount of thrill there is. A good pair of fins costs about 60 bucks, and if you want to take the sport to the next level, a handboard can run from 50 bucks for a plastic model or 200 plus for a crafted one.<br />Barney Trubble<br /> Of the countless waves I’ve bodysurfed, my favorite day bodysurfing was on Christmas Day at Hookipa in eight foot barrels on an offshore Kona wind with “Tube” Johnson and Fred Haywood. These guys have bodysurfed Pipeline, Waimea, big Makena and everywhere in-between. On this epic day, we rode giant winter barrels too windy for surfers to stand up on for what seemed like an endless summer. But the day that unfortunately sticks out in my mind the most was on a three-foot day at Little Beach with this English chap named Niles. <br /> Niles used to come over to my place every night telling me he was the best windsurfer from the UK and if I just took his photo in the water he’d make me famous and rich beyond my dreams. I kept telling him if anyone was going to make me famous, it was the likes of Robby Naish and Mark Angulo, not a kook like him, so why would I want to waste the film? The English are neither easily insulted nor give up.<br /> Good old Niles, for the next few months, he hung close to me like lepo on caca. On a day the wind died, he followed me over to Makena, the Big Beach side, but the waves were deadly, which means over on Little Beach they’re perfect. <br /> I guess the word was out, for it was a very crowded day. Some had suits on, some did not. It must have been national hot dog derby day. I’m standing there, with a knee length suit on by the way, Niles in his Speedo, and did I mention that Little Dong Beach was also a great place to go snorkeling? Makena has the bluest water anywhere outside of Fiji or Tahiti or some other make believe island. You can see Turtles, moorish idols, angelfish, morey eels, dolphins, and all kinds of colorful critters, and if you look close enough, many underwater snorkels as well. <br /> So here’s this bald guy snorkeling in the surf, one snorkel above and one below. It’s sand soup, you can’t see the surf, but there he is anyway. Face down, as snorkelers will, with his legs spread open just wide enough so that when Niles catches his wave, puts his head down, closes his eyes and surges forward, well, you get the picture. Now there was one shot of Niles brown nosing that I regretted not having taken. <br />KITEBOARDING tc " KITEBOARDING " <br /> When people first started windsurfing, passer-bys would look to the sky and say, “What is that, a bird, plane, Superman?” Now, when someone sees a kiteboarder , it’s more like seeing Batman. What was once considered a sky high jump in windsurfing is a mundane altitude for this sport. The boards are smaller, lighter, similar to wakeboards, and those that know how to use them can really carve and fly. It’s truly the next level.<br /> Kiteboarding does resemble fly-fishing for sharks though. Human flies up, human dips in the water. Flies up, dips in the water. Sort of like a tea bag full of meat. Here Buddy, here Chum. But that’s the least of your worries.<br /> More people have been hurt or killed in kiteboarding’s infancy than the advent of flight. At first it was like base jumping with termite wings. Of course, you’re going to do it anyway, because it’s really cool. And it is. It’s also really dangerous to learn on your own. You absolutely have to take a lesson, and pay your tea bagging dues. Not that kind of tea bagging.<br /> It’s pointless giving any tips, because you absolutely have to go through a series of lessons to learn this sport. The curve is as steep as the heights attained. Recommended is a progression of first learning how to sail, then how to windsurf, so that you completely understand the wind before you attempt this sport. Learn how to fly a stunt kite before you get in the water with one as well.<br /> <br />• Don’t get in the way of other kites or kiteboarders. <br />• Watch out for windsurfers and especially spear fishermen.<br />• Always wear a safety leash on your kite.<br />• Check the wind report. <br /> Kiteboarding is a good sport for medium winds. Typical tradewind days on Maui are too windy for all but experts. Get out early in the morning before they pick up, or utilize the winter months. <br /> Many areas are off limits to kiters due to a few runaway kites that ended up on the runway. Kailua on Oahu is an excellent place to kiteboard due to its moderate winds and long sandy beaches. <br /> The board will run you around 500 bucks, but you will need to buy several kites. They range from 600 to 1000+ bucks. Some people own six or seven. Comparatively, the lines are cheap. Most importantly and most expensive, you need full coverage health insurance.<br /> Of the many gruesome kiter stories: George the Jungling into Kiawe trees, landing on jetties, breaking limbs and losing fingers. Greg Putnam, nice fellow he is, took it upon himself to catch another guys loose kite. The kite wrapped around his ankle, and picked him upside down 20 feet in the air. He had the survival skills to grab the line with his hands and unwrap. The line took all the skin off his hands, cut through his ankle to the bone, and made a nice tattoo. <br /><br /><br />tc " " <br />KAYAKINGtc " KAYAKING" <br /> One of the best ways to see Hawaii is by Kayak. You can pull up along a reef for the morning and go snorkeling, up onto a beach and camp privately for a night, or head off on week long journeys along places like the Napali Coast. <br /> Most kayaks you rent in Hawaii are for tourists, and you just kind of fall off and get back on them. If you are using a sea kayak or hollow river type kayak, you will need to know the Eskimo roll. Hawaii is a great place to learn this as opposed to Alaska. <br /> The main dangers in kayaking are not knowing your ability and being oblivious to the ocean’s conditions. If you are a beginning kayaker, planning a trip without a guide around cliff regions, high surf, heavy currents, or high winds can end up being a trip to Tahiti. Here are some bad conditions:<br />• High Cliff Areas: Some of the most spectacular scenery to go kayaking for is also the most dangerous due to heavy currents. Make sure where you are going has plenty of beach exits with little or no beach break. If you get tired, you can just pull up on the beach.<br />• High Surf: Stay inside of reefs and don’t venture out to any place you see waves or people surfing unless you are in a surf kayak and know what the heck you’re doing. If you don’t, you will endanger not only yourself but also the surfers in the water. You can also get separated from your kayak and then have a long swim. If you do get separated from your kayak, follow the rules for getting swept in with the waves and not taken out by the rip current. If you get to your kayak quick enough, it should be waiting for you just inside of the waves. If you are slow, and you get to the inside (in front of the waves) and can’t see it, it may have been taken out by the rip and be sailing through the channel towards deep water. In this case, ask a surfer to spot it for you, and only if you are a very strong swimmer, make your way with the rip to follow it back out, where it should be waiting for you just outside of the surf, behind the waves.<br />• Heavy Currents: The strongest currents are not only associated with high surf, but with channel areas as well. Channels are the bodies of water that run between the islands. Most notorious is the Pailolo Channel, between Maui and Molokai. Some of the channel currents run in excess of five nauts so if you get caught up in one and don’t notice, you will quickly lose sight of your origination point. If you can’t paddle faster than the current for a long period of time, and are not sure what a current looks like, go on a guided tour with a professional who will take you to slacker waters.<br /> One can rightly wonder if instruction is necessary for something that seems so simple. After all, all you do is dip the paddle in the water and pull, right? Well, sort of. But remember that you will perform this motion once every second, 60 times in a minute, 3,600 times in an hour and up to 36,000 times in a long day. There are advantages to doing it in the most effective and efficient way. A whole chapter could be written about the stroke. It’s important to not only move your arms, but to rotate your torso at the shoulders and at the base of your spine and hips where your power is located. This involves more of the muscles of the abdomen, hips and legs. You also want to keep from moving so much that your kayak bobs or yaws as these extra motions reduce the efficiency of the hull. The touring stroke requires a different technique than the power stroke, and before you head off on some long and perilous journey, you should have really solid technique. If you are afraid of being on the ocean alone, you can rent a tandem kayak, and if you are really into paddling, find a ride on an outrigger canoe.<br /> A good Kayak costs between 700 and 3 grand. Paddles don’t always come with them. You will need a PFD, flares, and all the accessories that go with, like a Life is Good hat.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SAILINGtc " SAILING" <br /> From exciting to romantic, sailing in Hawaiian waters can be the stuff dreams are made of. Whether it’s zipping along while hanging from the trapeze of a catamaran, or sipping mai-tais on a cattle cruiser at sunset, this is the life.<br /> Sailing in Hawaiian waters can be the stuff nightmares are made of as well. It amazes me that you see so few sailboats on Hawaiian waters. Of the 50 States, Hawaii ranks 51st in boating activity. Why? The wind in Hawaii can come up in very short notice. Heavy winds, whitecaps, and the thought of breaking down and drifting to oblivion keeps most people off the water. <br /> During the summer months, the wind is fairly predictable. SE light winds in the morning increase to NE 20-30 nauts in the afternoon - more than most sailors can handle. Some islands are more prone to Venturi effects that can add to this wind speed. Maui and its channels are the windiest of all the islands. Kauai is the least windy.<br /> During the Winter, the wind is typically lighter, sometimes completely calm. However if a Southerly “Kona” wind kicks up or a front approaches from the North, the wind can reach upwards of 60 mph. Following the weather and checking in with the surf and wind report is a must for sailing between October and May. Weatherman Glenn James, is a valuable resource.<br /> A popular bumper sticker reads, “Eddie Would Go,” referring to the big wave Waimea Bay surfing legend Eddie Aikau. Eddie died leaving an ancient Hawaiian voyaging ship in a valiant effort to save the others, trying to make it to shore on his surfboard. That was one time Eddie might not have gone. Those that stayed with the boat lived to sail another day, but hey, it could have worked out differently and Eddie is hands down the icon of bravado in the islands.<br /> If your boat breaks down, stay with the ship and carry flares so that when you see a ship, you can make your mayday known. If you don’t know how to right a Hobie Cat, or get one out of irons, rent a catamaran with an instructor. Don’t be surprised if a sailing test is mandatory to rent a boat, as a lot of people talk crap about their sailing knowledge. Loose lips sink ships. Just because you can sail a dinghy in Cape Cod doesn’t mean you can sail a catamaran in Hawaii. <br /> The technique needed for sailing a Hobie Cat or other catamaran is how to get out of irons. You can spend your entire afternoon or rental time stuck “in irons”. You will head into the wind, and stop, and at best swing back the same direction you don’t want to be heading, which may be into lava rocks. <br /> The trick in light winds is to back the sail by pushing it with your hands against the wind. If there is a good sea running, you won’t need to even do this, as the boat will be going backwards automatically. The next trick is to reverse the rudder. Remember, you are going backwards, so this should make sense. Wait until the boat swings all the way over to a beam reach, and then quickly pull the rudder towards you and sheet in the sail, jib first. You should be on your way again. Jibing is simpler but more dangerous. Boom. Flip.<br /> The trick to righting a catamaran is to first stand on the hull and pull on the righting line so the boat does not turn turtle (upside down). It is doubtful you will have a righting pole. Next, have your crew get the mast perpendicular to the wind, so that the wind will scoop under the sails and empty the water out of them, helping you to right it. Make sure none of the lines are cleated, or you will spill back over the other way. Now, get two people on the line and hang out till it rights, and hang onto the rail to pull yourself up and get control of the boat. You will now be in irons.<br /> Owning a boat is really expensive these days, a hole unto which one pours money. Renting one is not cheap either, but considering all the activities one sends their money up in smoke on in Hawaii, it’s well worth a go.<br /> I owned a Hobie 16 and kept it on the beach at Kiawekapu. Being a very experienced sailor, I used to take it out in some pretty horrendous winds. One day, the wind was scorching, so I took a third person on board and we headed out past Molokini. We were flying along when I heard a loud crack. The entire downwind hull had snapped in half! Instinctively, I jibed the boat, thinking that if I could quickly get the bad hull flying in the air and the good hull in the water, we’d make it back to shore. Unfortunately, the bad hull had snapped behind the shroud plate, the shroud being the wire that holds the mast up, the mast henceforth crashing down onto the deck. Hmm...a dilemma. <br /> My crew had a look of frightened concern written on their faces. Fortunately, I had taped a set of flares to the hull, and as soon as I sighted a fishing boat, fired one off. Within minutes, we were rescued and towed back in. I dug an old hull out of the sand dune and was back on the water the next day.<br /><br />OUTRIGGER CANOE tc " JET SKIING " <br /> Perhaps even outdating the sport of surfing, and certainly high on the cultural sport list is paddling. If you don’t paddle, you aren’t Hawaiian. If you’re not Hawaiian and you are paddling, at least you’re in the same boat. <br /> Some of the cultural centers and hotels offer the tourist paddling experience. To really get involved in the sport, you will need to get involved with a local club, or paddling hui. They offer levels of paddling from novice harbor paddles to advanced racing from Molokai to Oahu.<br /> The more exciting craft to board are the outrigger sailing canoes. From the smaller craft to the ocean voyaging Polynesian boats, these craft require a sharp set of seafaring skills.<br />FREE DIVING tc " FREE DIVING " <br /> Other than swallowing your snorkel, the numero uno rule for scuba diving and snorkeling in Hawaii is don’t dive alone. Whether it’s tank diving or free diving, bring a buddy along. That way you can at least narrow your chances 50/50 right away of meeting Gipeto. More importantly, if anything goes wrong, your friend may be able to get timely help should a disaster occur.<br /> One of the greatest big wave riders to ever hail from California was Jay Moriarty. He rode waves like “Mavericks” and mastered behemoths of water. But one day in the tropics he decided to take a dive alone, and other than the fact that he drowned, nobody knows what happened. Had someone been around, at least there would have been a chance of resuscitation.<br />Great ways to avoid lying in Neptune’s Garden:<br />• Use a dive flag. It’s a floating flag that alerts boaters that a diver may be surfacing in the area.<br />• Watch for currents carrying you away from the beach or your dive boat.<br />• Wear a liberal coating of waterproof sunscreen, with zinc, on your back and the backs of your legs. The thin film of water over you acts as a magnifier and because the water keeps your skin cool, you may not realize your skin is burning until it is too late. People who are especially sun-sensitive should wear a thin wetsuit or lycra covering. With a wetsuit or nylon rash guard, you will be warm and stay in the water longer, as well as float with ease. You may also avoid some reef scrapes and even a jelly fish sting or two.<br /> Clear your snorkel by saying the word “two” two times. Keep the hair out of your mask and your mask clean and fog free by spitting in it or using a small drop of liquid soap or pay five bucks for the same thing in a bottle at the dive shop. Don’t strap your mask on too tight or too loose, just right. <br /> Free diving and scuba diving both require you to equalize your eardrums. Equalize before the pressure from diving down gets intense. Don’t attempt to go any deeper once you feel pressure on your eardrums before equalizing. The best way to do this is to shut your mouth, pinch your nose and blow internally until you feel a release of pressure in your ears. If you can’t do it, you may have waited too long, so ascend a few feet and try again. Those with colds and sinus problems may be relegated to the surface view. Not to worry, you won’t be alone. At Molokini, not even ten percent of snorkadorkelers attempt to dive below the surface, much less get their hair wet.<br />• Dive in the early morning before the wind comes up. <br />• Look for red flags on the beach, which mean high surf and dangerous currents. <br />• Check the surf report and head for the spots on opposite side of the side of the island from where the surf is hitting. <br />• Remove your bling bling, and your hearing aids if wearing them. Take the cell phone out of your pocket. <br />• Don’t step on the reef. It kills the organisms that make up the reefs, mucks up the water for everyone else, and could result in an urchin poke or morey eel bite. • Do not even touch the coral. The tiny jelly-like polyps that live inside the hard calcium casing are fragile. One swipe of the hand can kill hundreds of them. <br />• Swim gently and avoid kicking up a lot of sand when near a reef. Many popular shallow reefs have been decimated by treading humans. The sediment can eventually smother the coral and block vital sunlight. <br />• Do not feed or touch the animals. Even a gentle caress can disturb the mucous coating that helps protects fish from diseases. If fed by humans, after a while they become dependent on handouts and lose the ability to forage. Also, they lose their natural wariness, which makes them easy prey for poachers. <br /> The equipment you buy will be pretty much correlate with your comfort and experience in the water. Get a silicone mask with a dry purge snorkel from a dive shop, not at a discount store. If your mask fits well and has a good coat of spit or defog solution, you will spend more time looking through it than adjusting it. Your snorkel needs to fit in your mouth perfectly, or you will be slurping water and dealing with gum sores. No more sipping on pineapple drinks for the rest of the week. <br /> If your fins fit, facilitated by the wearing of neoprene booties, you will spend the rest of your vacation or upcoming workweek blister free. You can rent all this stuff from most any dive shop or Snorkel Bob’s. The only other expense you will have if you don’t shore dive is a ride out to an offshore reef on a boat. This could run you 40-80 bucks.<br /> Though you may see many Sea Turtles in spots, they are an endangered species. Don’t ride the sea turtles. It’s a 500 dollar fine, and the turtle’s don’t get the money. If you see someone riding a turtle, plant your finger in the top of their snorkel and tell them you are a Sea Sheriff and if they want to live to see another day they ought not do that. Also, do not dive naked amongst sea turtles. At famed nudie central, Little Beach Makena, a guy had his dangling participle mistaken for turtle food. <br /><br /><br /><br />SCUBA DIVINGtc " SCUBA DIVING" <br /> Placing a scuba tank on your back gives you a ticket to living in a weightless wonder world, where you become one with the fish. In such clear water, it’s easy to forget that you are a human.<br /> Many of the same common human sense applications of amphibious thought processes that apply to snorkeling apply to scuba diving. The dangers of scuba diving reach deeper. Most divers who meet the Titanic dive alone or get separated from their partners in search of giant octopi, the little mermaid, sunken treasure, or perhaps just a chance to relive an episode of Sea Hunt. Think of your dive partner as a second chance at life, a reserve supply of air, and never separate under any condition. If your partner ends his supply of air before you, and you want to stay down, find another partner and make sure they are aware that you are depending on them for air supply should yours expire.<br />Tiny Bubbles<br /> “Blow bubbles!” you must always remind yourself before and during every dive. If you can just remember this, you can probably wiggle your way safely out of most messes. In advanced dive training, we would have to hand our tanks over to the dive instructor and float 80 feet to the surface as slowly as possible, all the while blowing bubbles. Should you take your regulator out of your mouth, ascend from that depth and not blow bubbles, you will blow your lungs out, chum.<br />Da Bends<br /> Very few people die from diving in Hawaii’s open ocean. Those that do are caught in currents and are diving by themselves. Others have died from heart attacks. Only a few have died from what is commonly known in the dive world as “the bends.”<br /> One gets the bends by staying under too deep for too long and then ascending too quickly. Few vacation divers ever go below thirty feet, which is where most of the light and fish are. A telltale sign of the bends, or DCS (Decompression Syndrome), is aching joints and headache. Of utmost importance, never fly in a plane within 24 hours of a dive, another way to get the bends. <br /> A headache while diving could be a sign of the bends, but only if you have been deep diving for a long period of time and exceeded the dive tables (a formulated table that states how deep, how long, etc.). There is a good chance you are going to get a headache anyway from the pressures of diving, especially if you drank too much the night before. Diving is kind of like driving, so go for the virgin drinks the night before a dive.<br />Narc In The House<br /> One of the most common causes of diver mishap is Nitrogen Narcosis, also known as “Rapture of the Deep”. Yet, this old-fashioned name for nitrogen narcosis is misleading. Narcosis doesn’t always feel rapturous. As well, you don’t have to dive very deep to get it as most people think. You can get “the rap” at 33 feet, though it is more prevalent at depths greater than 100 feet. <br /> Nitrogen narcosis is an impairment of your mental processes that occurs when diving, a form of being underwater stinkin’ drunk so to speak. It can take the form of elation and nirvana, but it can also manifest itself as extreme anxiety and depression. Frequently, your emotional state - whatever it is - will be heightened. If you’re diving in warm clear water and happy about it, you’re likely to become euphoric. But if it’s cold and dark down there and you’re not happy about it, you’re more likely to become paranoid. It’s pretty much just like any narcotic, or Narcosis.<br /> What’s important to remember is that Nitrogen Narcosis impairs your mental judgment, your ability to recognize danger and avoid it. Under its influence you can become so lost in the beauty of the dive that you forget to check your instruments and lose track of time, winding up too deep with too little air. Stories are also told of narc’d out divers who have abandoned their regulators, thinking they could breathe like a fish. Your partner, though a guy with a beard and beer belly, may take on the form of Daryl Hannah. On the other hand, in cold, dark water and say, a small reef shark swims by; you may think it is something out of Jaws III .<br />Baradontaglia<br /> Baradontaglia during diving may be due to tiny pockets of air within your dental work. During descent, the air pocket becomes a “relative vacuum,” creating pain. Pain during ascent means that air has filtered into the space, and pressure is building up. Sometimes this pressure can actually make a crown break or fall off.<br /> The pain can occur under crowns, caps, veneers, fillings, or root canals. Active infection at the roots of a tooth can also be affected by pressure changes. If you get tooth pain while diving (or flying), tap on your teeth with a finger until you identify the “problem tooth.” Then see your dentist.<br /> The best way to improve your diving is to just relax. Take longer, deeper, slower breaths to maximize your down time. The inflation and deflation of your buoyancy compensation vest is another key to energy efficiency. The more you have to struggle to stay down or get down, the more air you are going to burn. You will also avoid a lot of underwater goggle stink eye by staying off the reef and not kick up sand, which makes the visibility poor for others. <br />Snuba Doo<br /> On the other end of the scale for shallow dives is a fairly recent development, especially first time divers. Snuba offers a tank free yet airline connected to raft, non-certified way to breathe underwater. It seems fairly safe and you are guided by an instructor.<br />Nitrox Diving<br /> There is a new mixture of air that goes in the tank that many divers are switching to. It’s called Nitrox. Why would you want to use Nitrox? The main benefit derived from using Nitrox is you double the available bottom time on most dives compared to that of a normal air dive. So your previous twenty-minute dive to 100ft. now jumps to forty minutes, and for the diver who doesn’t get to dive but once or twice a year the benefit is more than worthwhile.<br /> Nitrox most certainly is the wave of the future, and with its acceptance by the worlds largest recreational dive association, PADI, its continued growth is assured. You have to take a course to become a Nitrox diver and become Nitrox certified, if you are just a recreational diver who gets enough with a normal dive time, you don’t need it, but if you are a true grit diver, you must have it.<br />Here are the benefits of Nitrox:<br />1. Longer dive times.<br />2. Reduced nitrogen narcosis due to the lower percentage of nitrogen in your breathing mix.<br />3. Reduced decompression penalty due to the lower level of nitrogen absorbed during the dive. <br />4. Shorter surface intervals and longer subsequent dives due to the lower residual nitrogen level following a dive. <br />The following claims are also made touting Nitrox but have been disputed:<br />6. The reduced level of nitrogen in your system has also been claimed to reduce the feeling of lethargy or tiredness following a dive. Personally, I haven’t noticed any difference, however, on a recent dive trip a friend insisted that he felt much more alert after dives on Nitrox - just before he dropped off to sleep on the way home.<br />7. A lower gas consumption due to the higher percentage of oxygen in the mix. <br />8. The effects of a barotrauma may be reduced. This is supposition based on improved circulation due to high blood oxygenation and lower nitrogen level implying fewer nitrogen bubbles. This sounds plausible but I don’t know of any research evidence to support this claim.<br />A final note: Pushing the oxygen toxicity limits of Nitrox is as risky as pushing the oxygen toxicity limits of air - you will probably croak.<br /> Diving equipment can run from 2 up to 5 grand to completely outfit yourself. Dive boats are about 80 bucks a ride. The air is not free. Instruction however, is much cheaper than it used to be. When I learned how to dive at age 12, the course took eight weeks to complete with several dive tests. In Hawaii, you can get certified in a day for a fraction of what it cost, okay, my parents.<br /> One of the most surreal dives you can make in Hawaii is off the coast of Lanai at a large underwater cave called Cathedrals. Cave diving, however, can be and is the most dangerous form of diving. Currents can pose the worst problems for divers in the ocean. For one, the current coming through the holes in the caves can push so strongly you can get jammed into a hole. You can also get lost, and this is one jungle with no escape.<br /><br /><br /><br />CANOE<br />TRADITIONAL SAILING CANOES, HILO<br />Step aboard a traditional Hawaiian double-hulled sailing canoe. Kiko Johnson-Kitazawa and his father build canoes according to the ways of their ancestors. Head out to sea on a full-moon night and listen to Kiko’s stories as you glide across Hilo Bay, or if you prefer, sail by day up the lazy Wailoa River. On the Kohala Coast, paddle a traditional Hawaiian canoe off the Orchid Resort.<br />FISHINGtc " FISHING" <br /> Sport Fishing and/or Shore Fishing are to some the greatest things on the planet. It appeals to their caveman or woman instincts somehow, and in the end, there is fish for dinner.<br /> Short of getting seasick, catching a hook in your eye, or your beer spilling, chances are that not a lot can go wrong on your deep sea fishing trip in search of the big one. Then again, you could be in for that Perfect Storm or Three hour Tour. Odd things happen on fishing trips. Guys, make sure Ginger’s aboard. Girls, kick her over the side. Here are a few of the disasters that have occurred in Hawaiian waters, oh, and one lonely vote for Mary Anne: <br /> • A Japanese Sportfisher was skewered through the temple by a breaching billfish. <br /> • A submarine surfaced like a breeching whale and broke a boat in half, killing all aboard. <br /> • Breeching whales have also broken boats in half, even when they were not fishing.<br /> Practice getting up really early in the morning, and popping beer caps. Don’t forget to bring along something for motion sickness. Look before casting, and try not to cross your line up with another. Sort of like in the movie, one Captain<br />was trying to help one of his rum loving customers uncross a line, when the boat backed over the line, the hook sunk in his finger, and overboard he went right into the propeller, slicing and dicing his hand. <br /> A fishing trip costs typically about 650 a day for up to six people. From the shore, the cost of a rod and reel, and bait, unless you are a local, there is free Haole for bait.<br />QUILLS: I was fortunate to have filmed a PBS special titled “Ancient Hawaiian Fishing”. We traveled to a forbidden part of the Big Island where you have to be majority Hawaiian to cast your hook into the sea. You can see worn holes in the rock from centuries of crushing eel for bait. <br /> After pummeling the poor eel, they hang the bait from a wooden pole over a barely submerged rock, where the Ulua who likes things the hard way is supposed to leap out of the water and chomp the eel and carefully insert the hook in his or her own mouth. <br /> When we arrived, they had just landed a big one. My suggestion was to dip it back in and get a Hollywood shot just in case another did not bite. “We catch plenty,” were the Hawaiians famous last words.<br /> To my surprise, there were lots of rules to this game. You could not lie down for the fish would think you were lazy. You could not speak about the fish, or even look at the bait, which was a hard chore for someone trying to focus on it with a camera. The day went by without another fish.<br /> That night, I witnessed real “ohana,” which basically means family. They caught Eel together, taught me to throw net, and as a solid line of bodies, chased the small fish into a bigger net. I tried to eat all the ono grinds they served on my plate, which was everything under the poi moon, while the family watched eagerly the reaction wrought on my face. Some foods of course, like the taro leaf used for wrapping, nobody ever ate, but they had fun watching me try. <br /> Days went by and still no fish. They switched to the rodeo style of lassoing the bait on a rope towards the fish; nothing worked. Not even a cowfish was wrangled. We hiked seven miles to a new spot. Go fish.<br /> A return trip yielded the same results. We had captured the lifestyle, the interviews, and the essence of ancient Hawaiian fishing. Everything but the fish. Of course, each time we boarded the plane back to Maui, the fish struck with a fury. Rule number one: Don’t bring Haole’s to sacred Hawaiian fishing grounds.<br /><br />PARAGLIDINGtc " PARAGLIDING" <br /> The magnificence of the islands attracts the most phenomenal hangliding and paragliding pilots, taking advantage of the cliffs and lifts that the steep mountain ranges and big volcanoes provide. Paragliding, being far safer than hangliding, has taken over the skies.<br /> The best pilots know the weather and terrain like few others, which is the number one factor for safe flying. “Top guns” offer taking people tandem off Haleakala Crater, the highest descent in the world. A certified Ultralight Instructor, can also take you paragliding in a motorized paraglider over the calm skies of Hana. <br /> Hangliding, outside of a late night in Waikiki, is the most dangerous sport in Hawaii. This is due to the quick changes in weather, extreme winds, and dire need of local knowledge. Perhaps it is my personal fear factor due to the fact that I lost a very good friend in the pursuit of this sport. Paragliding, though far safer than hangliding, still has its inherent risks, the ground being harder than the water. The most common downfall in Hawaiian skies is a spiraling down currents that plummets pilots into the turf.<br /> Always fly with someone who knows the weather, knows where he or she are going, and know CPR. Some of the best pilots are also the best instructors; so even if you know how to fly, get with one to clue yourself into local knowledge.<br /> For those who really want to fly while they are in Hawaii, I would suggest contacting a local flight training school like Proflyght Hawaii. Scott is national paragliding champion, or Steve, I can’t remember which (they’re twins) and both are superb with their knowledge and safety of the sport. I flew tandem with Scott and felt like I was in really good hands. His demonstration of flying skills is phenomenal.<br /><br /><br /> <br />FLASH FLOODS<br /> What is a “flash” flood? A flash flood is any flood where you have less than a six hour warning. It may be as sunny as a Golden Retriever where you are, but up on top of the mountain, a downpour can cause a flash flood quicker than hell in a hand basket. Granted, it is usually raining everywhere when the most treacherous floods occur, but keep your ears and eyes open at all times when crossing a stream, particularly in the Winter and Spring.<br /> Every year, deaths or injuries occur as a result of people getting swept away, with the most frequent victims being the keikis (children). Kauai and Maui are both notorious for flash floods, with their tropical rainforests and heavy downpours on the windward slopes of these islands. At times of heavy rain on steep slopes, warnings could be as short as, “Hey Pharaoh, look behind you.”<br /> Perhaps the biggest cause of flood-related deaths and injuries is a common lack of understanding as to the severity and danger involved in flash floods. You would not believe how many people are killed while trying to drive or walk on roads and bridges that are covered by water. Even though the water might look only inches deep, it could be much deeper with very strong currents. It only takes a foot of swiftly moving water to sweep a soul off their feet.<br /> Trucks, four-wheel drives, and sports utility vehicles are also susceptible to being swept away by high water. Such vehicles often give motorists a false sense of security, believing the vehicles are safe under any conditions. (Large tires add to the vehicle’s buoyancy, causing it to lose traction that much sooner.) Unless you have a Hummer, even though vehicles in front of you have passed through the high water, you may not be as lucky. If your car stalls mid-stream, roll down your windows and abandon ship only if you can safely reach shore. Many deaths have resulted from attempts to move stalled vehicles.<br /> The two most dangerous hiking trails for flash flooding are the hike up to the waterfalls at the Oheo Gulch (Seven Sacred Pools) on Maui, and the Napali Coast Trail on Kauai. People are often swept right off the trail by a deluge of water, or down streams and over massive falls while trying to cross flooded rivers. <br /> High winds and heavy rain daily occur in some parts of the islands. Trees fall right in front of you, in not on top, pulling down entire power lines, sparks flying everywhere. If a power line lands on your car, you should stay in the car and wait for help.<br /><br /><br />ROCK AND A HARD PLACEtc " ROCK AND A HARD PLACE" <br /> I’m not sure how many people on average get taken out by falling rocks a year. The most devastating rockslide of the century occurred at Sacred Falls on May 9, 1999, killing eight people and injuring 50 others. To date, the park has been closed and is under a litany of State lawsuits. It seems the signs posted at the beginning of the trail were not enough to warn people. Perhaps the rocks should have been painted orange.<br /> The volcanic rocks in Hawaii are so loose in their foundations, it’s a wonder that any parks are left open at all. Just look at the road going from Kahului to Lahaina, and you will see the major expense the county had to go through to protect cars from falling rocks. They had to fence off the entire cliff from Maalaaea to Olowalu, a stretch of about five miles.<br /> Waterfalls, steep valley wedges, and cliff sides present the most dangerous areas for falling rocks, waterfalls being the worst areas to linger under. If you don’t want to wind up a split spritzer, don’t stand under tumultuous falls. About 100 feet away from a cliff is a fairly safe distance for a direct hit. 300 feet is even safer. Back on the beach, even safer yet. <br /><br />BIKINGtc " BIKING" <br /> <br />THRILLS: Whether mountain biking, road biking, or downhill biking, Hawaii offers a grand landscape upon which to churn ones wheels. The IRON MAN on the Big Island and BIKE TO THE SUN on Maui’s Haleakala host many of the best road warriors around. It’s inspiring to see someone out on the roads with a bike that costs more than your car.<br />CHILLS: Enter the word, car. This is the most dangerous hazard to a road warrior. People just don’t pay that much attention to the road or little things on it. A lot of people get hit by cars on bikes, and don’t live to tell about it.<br /> Both dirt and pavement are harder than water.<br />DRILLS: My main suggestion from experience is to leave those horn extensions off the handlebars. They can really do a number on you when you fly over them! Also, get a light bike with as much shock absorption as possible. Wear gloves, especially when biking lava. Make sure the lava has hardened to a crisp.<br /> You can rent a bike for 35 or buy one for about 350-6000 bucks. The lighter they are, the more sophisticated the shock systems, the better the brakes, the more you will pay. <br /> Of all the waves I have been smashed and pummeled by, my worst accident occurred on land, via a road bike. I was heading up the slopes of Haleakala from Makawao to Kula at sunset with a friend, Craig Maisonville, the founder of Hi-Tech Surf. His chain broke, and I kept going. The further I went, the more confident I was I could make it to the very top (10,023 ft.). The moon was full, so why not.<br /> I made it to the Summit, standing on my pedals most of the way. I checked my watch; it was 9:30 pm. It was cold, and I was dressed in bike shorts and t-shirt, nothing more, so I headed back down as fast as I could. Something very strange happened along the way.<br /> I wiped the sweat off my forehead, and felt a big lump on my noggin. I wondered, had I hemorrhaged from the effort, or just auditioned for Star Trek? I then felt a cool chill running down my spine, reached back to my shoulder, and came up with a handful of blood. What? Had the Klingons zapped back? I checked my watch; it was 4am. How the? Did I go through hyper-warp? The one thing I was cognizant of was the fact that I was pedaling downhill. Come again? What I was not aware of were two flat tires, bent up rims hitting the brake, and where I lived. In shock, I suppose. A touch of amnesia as well. Aruuu?<br /> Somehow, I made it down the mountain, and when I passed my car parked on the side of the road, I remembered, “Hey, I know that car!” I got off my bike and noticed my leg was broken. Somehow, I made it home, where my next-door neighbor took one look at me and it was off to the hospital. I remained there for about a month, my eyes swelling shut with blood, and my knee a balloon. <br /> It wasn’t until I went to recover my bike when I got out of the hospital that I flashed back on what happened, or what might have. I had this vision of a cow. Startled by my quick arrival, darting out from the shadows of a cliff into my path, he perfectly timed my demise. One thing I do know - whatever happened, one leg came out of the pedal binding and the other did not. Break by rotation. <br /> Surfer dude Omar’s theory: I was dropped back to Earth too hard from an alien abduction. Beam me back up, Scotty.<br />Downhill Biking<br /> Downhill Biking is a popular Maui activity enjoyed by thousands each year. A downhill bike trip runs about 80, which includes bad jokes, coffee, lunch and muffins.<br /> Researching the dangers of the downhill biking industry did not come easy. I would have to go undercover, and seek employment. Okay, so I needed a few extra bucks - it’s the high price of paradise. I got an early morning job, pummeled by the daunting task of getting up at 2 am to drive to Kaanapali, picking up a pack of tourists and heading up to the office to take a silly bike riding test around some cones that has nothing to do with flying around a cliffs edge at 30 mph in the fog and clouds. <br /> Haleakala by 5am. We would get there, it would be pitch dark. Everybody would pile out of the van, feel the cold wind, and pile right back in. “Why so early,” everybody wondered? I was particularly wondering that myself. As the parking lot filled, I could see it was just to reserve a space.<br /> I found the trip to be very safe if you can ride a bike and are in half decent shape. I’m supposing you did not drink all night, but as with any day on Maui, your mind tends to wander. The bikes have heavy-duty brakes, but they won’t help you if you don’t press on them.<br /> I only witnessed one bad accident in my two weeks of undercover downhill biking. I was following the riders down through the road surrounded by cane fields, and we had almost made it to our destination, Paia. This very fine lady, a lawyer unfortunately for the owners, just kept going straight when the road curved. Whoop, over the handlebars into the cane field - out cold, broken collarbone. Somehow, it was the bike companies fault.<br /> Only a few people have died, usually doing the same maneuver, only off a cliff. It’s amazing the bike companies stay in business, with what must be an incredible price tab on insurance. Overall, it’s a very safe trip though, as the bikes are solid with heavy-duty brakes. You might choke on a muffin though, they’re pretty thick and your body is not supposed to function that early. <br /> The alternative to this muffin choking slow going adventure is to get some friends together and head to the top with your own bikes, of any volcano for that matter. Just watch out for the cows on the way down. There are some outfits that will take you to the park boundary and let you journey down on your own, but you miss out on the top part of the trip.<br /><br /><br /> (downhill maui)<br />ENDURANCE SPORTS<br /> Hawaii is the proving grounds for many facets of Endurance sport racing. While it may not be an adventure sport, it certainly qualifies as being an ultimate test of at least drinking a lot of Gu or Gatorade. There are many levels and types of endurance events you can participate in, starting with ocean swims, 10k runs, Bike to the Sun, Half Ironman, Mtn. Marathons, all the way up to the Xterra and Iron Man World Championships. If you are training for these events, you don’t have time to read this book.<br /><br />TRAMPING<br />HIKING<br /> Hiking in Hawaii to some people is getting from one end of a resort to the other. “Honey, I’m going to hike over to that beach chair. Why don’t you order up some pina coladas?” Okay, pina coladas sound pretty good right now, but a hike is going to raise your spirits even more, and your ass. That is, if you’re riding one down the Kalaupapa Trail on Molokai.<br /> There are some great places to hike in Hawaii. One could fill another book just on hiking trails alone, but I’ll try to cover a few of my favorites, island by island. <br />CAMPING<br /> It’s a shame that in one of the most beautiful places to camp in the world, it is also one of the most dangerous. Camping on the beach is most often not allowed.<br /> One of the problems stems from the so-called “squatter” syndrome. People come to Hawaii who can’t afford the hotel rooms and end up camping on the beach for long periods of time. Generally, the locals in one fashion or another run them out. Hippie bashing has become quite a popular sport in some circles. <br /> So when it comes to camping, I prefer to backpack as it gets me far away from someone who mistakes me for a hippy. <br /> Hiking with a pack requires a lot of preparation. Supplies, maps, permits, the proper gear, and especially, footwear. Even a blister can ruin your day. Getting lost, spraining your ankle, throwing out your knee, or back can ruin a trip. Slipping off a waterfall headfirst into a rock tops my do not repeat that action list. Once I managed to trip and bounce off a ledge (breaking my collarbone), found myself upside down, facing head first towards the bottom of a 2,000 foot cliff, gripping a few blades of grass. How do I manage? Have a nice trip, see you next fall.<br /> Always prepare for cold, wet weather. Your pack should be waterproof. Your tent should be well built and low profiled to withstand high winds. Don’t rely on wood. Bring a camp stove. Bring lots of water as well, and never drink stream water. If you do, double up on the TP. Pack light, but bring food and gorp. Shoes should be modern trail shoes. Don’t forget to bring a first aid kit with moleskin for blisters.<br /> Cheaper than any hotel around, unless you have to buy a quality pack, tent, bag, stove, etc. However, if you are going just to have a cheap place to stay, in the end you might as well have stayed at the Grand.<br /> Haleakala Crater. It’s ok that not everybody’s cup of tea (you’ll need three) is hiking down inside the crater. Even when the sun is out, you’ll be hard pressed to find someone hoofing it. But those who do break the itinerary mold are well rewarded by a soul stirring awakening of the spirit. New age clichés aside, you’ll at least work out those coach class cramps and shed some Luau pounds<br /> Most hikers head halfway down the Sliding Sands Trail and then come right back up when they’re halfway pooped. That’s ok. Just hold onto your garbage and stay on the trail. Climb up a cinder cone? Step on the roots or pick the leaves off a silversword? Jail time.<br />A great day’s hike (11 miles) will take you clear across the crater through black lava sands, lava structures, and stark landscapes - through the Silversword Loop where you can see the largest population of this plant, past Holua Cabin and it’s campground, and finally up the spectacular Halemauu Trail (“Switchbacks”). This trail winds back and forth up the crater wall, giving you great looks back at the crater and the East Maui coastline. On a clear day you can even see Hana. <br />The truly adventurous might consider hiking out through the Kaupo Gap Trail. As the trail winds it’s way down past vistas of the sea and glorious waterfalls, you will see beautiful old Koa trees and lots of Hawaii’s native birds. A few things to consider: your knees have to be prepared for a long, steep downhill trek (I.E. Ibuprofen) and you’ll end up in remote Kaupo, more than 50 miles from the car you left atop Haleakala. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />GOLFtc " GOLF" <br />THRILLS: If you are a golfer, you don’t need a book to tell you how good the courses are here.<br />CHILLS: You do not golf, and are the wife or husband of a golfer whom you actually love to spend time with.<br />DRILLS: Bring your own clubs. And if you’re going to stay a while, get a Hawaii drivers license so you can play at “Kamaina” rates.<br />BILLS: <br /> Maui: Wailea Gold, Kapalua are most expensive. Waiehu Public Golf Course is the cheapest, followed by Pukalani Country Club, Silversword and the Dunes at Maui Lani (soft cleats only). Poipu, Kiahuna and Wailua are the cheapest on Kauai. Olomana and Alii Wai go easy on the pocket on Oahu. It’s harder to reserve a tee time for tourists at Alii Wai, however. The Big Island’s Kona and the Kohala courses are very pricey, with a discount for resort guests. Cheapest golf can be found by driving way over to the Hilo side to Sea Mountain, Volcano Course, or over to Aimee Country Club.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SKATEBOARDING & ROLLERBLADINGtc " SKATEBOARDING & ROLLERBLADING" <br /> Skate parks have been located on Oahu at: Mililiani, Kapahulu, Wainae, and on Maui: Kahului and Kihei. Whether they are still there today depends on politics and blood on the pavement. Bring a helmet and don’t forget your attitude. Kihei has a rink for rollerbladers and rollerhockey players where you can rent skates as well. Call the parks and recreation for times and fees.<br /><br />TENNIStc " TENNIS" <br /> About the only thing to survive is the wait for a court in the morning or at sunset. You could die of heat or sunstroke by playing mid-day. Then there’s always your elbow. Most resorts charge by the hour for courts, or you can head for one of the many free county courts. Some of the condos have the best courts you can sneak onto. The penalty for getting caught is life in tight white shorts. If you want to become a Hawaiian Tennis Pro, check this site out..<br /><br />or not,<br />ROCK CLIMBINGtc " ROCK CLIMBING" <br /> If you are a real daredevil, Hawaii offers some spectacular climbing, particularly on the cliff faces of Oahu and Lanai. Ohana Pali and Mokuleia cliffs on Oahu provide the safest climbing due to the fact that Oahu is oldest in the chain; therefore the rock is more stable. <br /> Greatest dangers in rock climbing come from falling rocks and high winds. The most essential piece of equipment next to a good rope, which can be cut by a falling rock, would be a helmet. The person on belay of course is at most risk. A good life insurance policy is also recommended. <br /> Top rope and bouldering is popular at Waimea Beach. Makapu’u Point is also a windy but easy climb due to the eroded grips in the rock. Mokuleia is the most popular climb site, with lots of permanent anchor points. The area is fairly remote, so don’t leave valuables in your car, as break-ins can and do occur.<br /> Located mauka (on the mountain side) of Haleakala Highway (not the crater road) just up the hill from Pukalani in East Maui, this small amphitheater-style flow is mostly dead vertical, has some nice bouldering and an excellent traverse. The face has one bolted sport route with an anchor with chains at the top. Dead vertical has double innuendos. <br /> <br />TRAINING FOR YOUR VACATION<br /> Hawaii and all of its wild activities can place extreme demands on your body. Any sport or activity you attempt to undertake, whether it be just for the day or to become world champion, places your body under stress it is entirely unaccustomed to. No matter how much you stretch, work out at the gym, or run through the woods, you are still going to feel like you got run over by a truck at day’s end. How big that truck is depends on how much preparation you have gone through before your activity begins. That could include stretching, working out, and running through the woods. It can also include your diet; how many Krispy Kremes a day you eat, how many trips to Tony Roma’s - even the amount of water vs. coffee you drink can make a big diff.<br /> Many of the professional athletes are very strict in their regimens of training. The most successful, injury free extreme sports folk rely mostly on one thing; a limber body. More than a few ocean athletes have been beached by frequent tweaks to their ankles, backs, necks, and so on. It was only a matter of time until they became religious about stretching practices such as Yoga.<br /> It is really a common thing to get to the beach, see the surf, grab the board and charge for the water. One of the benefits to stretching before you leave the abode is this very reason; anxiety to enter an activity wins out over stretching every time. Even if you do stretch at home, you’ll also want to stretch when you get there, especially if you had a long drive, and keep your muscles as warm as possible. <br /> <br />DIETtc " DIET" <br /> If you are on vacation, you are not going to listen to a word written here. I don’t blame you. Skip to the next section. It never hurts to indulge once in a while. All things in moderation they say, especially those who dive into excess. It is the continuous pattern of indulgence that does one in. Oh sure, you are fine sitting on the couch punching the remote, but when it comes to even a simple thing such as snorkeling with the fish, you will come to sour realizations. “Gee, Francis. Did I look that fat back in Minnesota?” More important than the magnified appearance a bathing suit lends you, you will experience a shortness of breath, cramping of the muscles, and a general feeling of hell revisited. The rest of your vacation will be spent in a beach chair with an abundance of beer and chips, continuing the fine tradition. Maybe you’re not like that, and if it is, hey; somebody forced you to read this book.<br /><br /><br />tc " " <br /> <br />HOT LAVA NIGHTStc " HOT LAVA NIGHTS" <br /> The only thing I can think of that would be worse than drowning in water would be in hot lava. You don’t have to be “Joe vs. The Volcano” to make yourself into a perfectly charred skeleton. Bodysurfing a lava tube is a sure fire way to cook your goose, especially when you aren’t planning it. .Yes, it’s true. Lolo Man has actually designed a submarine to explore the lava tubes. Last I heard the ride was shut down due to technical difficulties.<br /> If you were wondering if you are going to be showered with lava on your vacation, the chances are pretty slim, though never press your luck when it comes to geologically catastrophic events. Oahu is the most dormant island, and neither Kauai, Maui nor Molokai actively vent their steam. Maui and Hawaii have shield volcanoes, which means the lava flows out through the side of the mountain rather than blowing the top off. Maui has visible craters but has not erupted for over 200 years, with a past eruption cycle of every 200 years. In case you were born yesterday or have a serious math deficiency, 200 years is not a large amount of geologically time.<br /> The Big Island is still very active with vents, lava lakes and lava flows. Lava runs slowly, and the Park Rangers do their best to keep you far away from any fountain of fire, so the thing in most danger is property. Somehow, common sense has not ruled out the building of houses (Kalapana Gardens) near lava flows. I suppose the land is cheap. At one time, it was a very hot real estate market.<br /> The most common way people fry is by venturing too close to lava flows, attempting to capture a hot digital moment. Whether the lava is flowing in a land stream slowly across the surface or cascading into the sea, the danger can be the same. People get a sense that the lava can be approached like sitting on the bank of a river, but before you fry your huckleberry, know that the lava can crust to a thin deceptive layer, where one false step can spell disaster. Close to the ocean, entire unstable land shelves can plunge into the ocean, sending fireballs of lava into the air. <br /> The Park Rangers do their best to protect you from this mishap, which means you will most likely come away with a photo of a wee plume of smoke and a bit of a glow, yet return to your hotel once s’mores. From experience I can tell you that if you try to sneak into the park from other boundaries, there’s a good chance you will be arrested and spend a few nights in the pokey.<br /> <br /> (Hawaii Volcanoes National Park Site)<br />COCONUTS: HEAD HUNTING FRUITtc " COCONUTS: HEAD HUNTING FRUIT" <br /> Have you ever been told at a Luau that the number one cause of accidental death in Hawaii is from falling coconuts? True or not, it’s a no brainer...heads up under or downwind of a coconut palm. <br />This blog was spotted on the internet. There was a whole text sting of debates about it, but here is the jist... changed the names of course to protect the innocent.<br />Dear Barry:<br />During a recent ABC television report about how infrequent shark attacks really are, we were told, “Each year falling coconuts kill 150 people.” That sounds absurd to me. Could it be true? If not, what is the most common cause of death in Hawaii? - Lola Fallona<br />Dear Lola:<br />This has gone on long enough. It’s about time somebody spoke up for the coconuts. For 20 years, scientists have been saying you have a 15 times better chance to get conked by a falling coconut than bitten by a shark. As an expert in rocket fruit projectory, I would say the chances are more like twenty... <br /> Now, Lola, Coconut trees grow continuously for as long as 100 years, and can reach 35 metres skyward. The coconuts are right at the top of the tree, and are actually giant seeds. They’ll usually stay in the tree until they dry out, and then they’ll drop to the ground - thanks to heavy wind and rain. A coconut can weigh up to four kilograms. If it falls 25 metres, it will hit you doing 80 kilometers and hour. I’m not good at conversion tables, but in mph, that would still hurt.<br /> Furthermore, it’s long been known, at least as long as people have been counting calories, that coconut on the plate is even more deadly. High in sugar, higher still in fat, it’s a Weight Watcher’s no-no. Smother a donut in butter cream frosting and sprinkle some dried, flaked coconut on top and you may as well book your open-heart surgery at the same time. And as for those delicious coconut rum drinks in the fancy glasses with a tiny umbrella at the top? One too many of those - add a throbbing headache to your caloric overload. But it is coconut in the raw we are talking about. Mother nature au naturale.<br /> Did you know that the coconut is the world’s largest seed? Coconut trees grow for as long as 100 years and can reach 35 meters high. This is a pretty innocuous description for a killer fruit, but herein lies the problem. The coconut has this Bali Ha’i, warm night, soft breeze, “Some Enchanted Evening’’ sort of charm. Just like Dennis Rodman, the coconut is not what it seems.<br />- Barry Cuda man Lo III.<br />“Coconuts kill around 150 people worldwide each year, which makes them about 10 times more dangerous than sharks.’’ I should know, being director of Odd Events Travel Insurance, which is now offering protection from coconuts in its insurance plan, as advertised in the Wall Street Journal. People may worry about being bitten by sharks when visiting Hawaii, but would be better advised not to sit, walk or dance naked under coconut trees.<br />-Sam Hammerhead<br /> Barracuda, who is obviously passionate about coconuts, should really think about taking a math course even more so than Lola. If sharks killed 10 people in 2000, which he says they did, and coconuts killed 150, doesn’t this make coconuts 15 times more dangerous than sharks?<br />_Barry Cuda Man Lo III<br /> Coconut injury expert professor Harry Husk and head of Bong Manong University in the Phillipines sounds his own alert. <br />Question: How exactly does one become a “coconut injury expert?” Answer: Write a paper titled “Injuries Due to Falling Coconuts.” Fill it with numbers: Coconuts weigh up to 8.8 lbs., and “can easily fall 80 feet” from the top of a tree, with an impact speed of about 50 mph “walloping humans with a force greater than a ton,” which is a metric ton, a bit larger than our ordinary ton, and then get Harvard University students to present you with a Nobel prize, which honors and lampoons people whose achievements cannot or should not be reproduced.<br />So is this coconut thing a joke? Stand under a coconut tree and you decide.<br />ON HALLOWED GROUND<br />Here is an excerpt from “Golf Magazine” that demonstrates not only the danger of falling coconuts, but that of paying little heed to the hallowed grounds of Hawaii...<br /> “I had a strange altercation with a spectator last week at Poipu Bay, where some of the little lava rock walls are considered hallowed ground by the native Hawaiians. Despite, “Sacred Ground, Keep Out” signs they were regularly clambered over by fans, who were eager to cop a view of their hero. This had me irked, to think that people would show so little respect for local custom, so I decided to pick on one violator, and put the wind up him.<br /> As he was climbing over the wall next to the 17th green, I moved in for the hit. “Excuse me sir,” I said, “have you any idea of the risk you’re taking?”<br /> “What do you mean?” he asked, his eyes darting nervously towards the vantage point he coveted. <br /> I looked at him seriously. “Listen pal, two years ago a friend of mine climbed over this very wall, and three weeks later he was killed by a falling coconut.”<br /> The guy looked at the warning sign and then back at me. “So I’ll stay out from under the coconut trees,” he smiled back sarcastically.<br /> “Good luck,” I said. “The thing is, it happened in the produce section of his local grocery store in Milwaukee.”<br />Hey, it could happen.<br />David Feherty Golf Magazine<br /><br />,,71-221807,00.html<br />JONAH & THE BLOWHOLE tc " JONAH & THE BLOWHOLE " <br /> There is a locked gate at an old stairway from the Kalaniana’ole Highway lookout down to the Blowhole, with a diamond-shaped yellow city Parks Department sign warning, “Hazardous Conditions, Do Not Go Beyond This Point.” Below the warning, someone has pasted a circular sticker bearing a picture of a skull and the words, “Boneyard Reef.”<br /> Still, some people venture down to feel the force of mother nature. They look over the edge. Is it coming? Where is this big blow? I see nothing. Ah, oh! Whoop! Too late. A blast to the chest sends you flying up into the air, down into the chute and through the lava tube all the way out to sea, where what’s left of your body is devoured by sharks.<br /><br />THE HEAT IS ONtc " THE HEAT IS ON" <br /> Drink lots of water. If the heat doesn’t kill you.... <br /> As you would expect, the highest state-wide records are from Southwest desert locations in California, Arizona and Nevada. The coolest three state-wide high records, shown here, aren’t as obvious. Alaska in the far north are no surprises. But tropical Hawaii, with the same high record as Alaska, isn’t as obvious. The hottest day in Hawaii on record to date is only 100 degrees.<br /> Credit the ocean. Even in the tropics, ocean waters stay cooler than land. All of Hawaii is cooled to some extent by ocean breezes. The complete list of state records below shows that the Plains states, far away from the ocean, can be hotter than the humid Southeast. So it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity that kills you. Being hot is relative. <br /> Unless you are reaching your personal turn of the century mark, chances of your dying from sweating like a pig are minimal. They are further decreased by carrying ample amounts of water, ventilated hats, sunscreen, and protective clothing (I prefer dri-fit); especially when hiking over lava rocks.<br /> The hottest areas in the Hawaiian Islands are always found on the leeward side of the islands with the tallest mountains; those areas completely blocked from the wind. Lahaina, which means “cruel sun”, rarely strikes up a breeze. Kona on the Big Island can also be hot as Hades, and combined with black lava, is a great place to roast more than your coffee. Hottest places in Hawaii? Waianae, Lahaina and Kona.<br /><br />SMOKED OUTtc " SMOKED OUT" <br /> One would think that the air quality in Hawaii is much better than that of LA. On most days this is true, but when the conditions are ripe, it’s downright voggy. Two things in particular muddy the air: volcano and cane smoke. Vog is most heavily concentrated downwind of Mauna Kea, which includes Kona, and on some Kona wind (Southerly) days, the entire island of Maui. Respiratory illnesses are blamed on the vog, but what can you do but up and move to Kauai? Well, you could occasionally walk around with a Michael Jackson face filter, or a scuba tank.<br /> Cane smoke activists are always on the rise in Hawaii. “Stop the sugar cane burning!” the protesters shout. Do you think the already troubled sugar industry is going to spend billions converting to biodegradable clean air processes, or blame the air on what the activists are smoking? So you would think it would be wise to just move next to a pineapple field, but there you have highly toxic pesticide spray and pineapple bugs coating the inside of your home. You could get a beach house on the North Shore, but the airport noise and the threat of a runway extension could ruin your day, or at least a good nights sleep. Perhaps, you’d be better off in sme-LA.<br /> There are many other natural ways you can buy the farm. Asteroids, brush fires, falling trees, earthquakes, even a rare lightning bolt or earthquake might strike while you are there. Pay attention to your surroundings. Phone in for weather reports, keep checking the tv and radio, listen for sirens, use your head, and look before you leap.<br />THE CHAPTER: SURVIVING CULTURALLY<br />IT’S A SMALL SMALL WORLD (with some very large people)<br /> Hawaii has often been called the “melting pot of the Pacific.” Nowhere outside of a yogurt factory will you find such a varied blend of cultures, with over 200 races in the mix; a swimming, snorkeling, paddling, surfing, sailing, fishing fruit salad. Within the natural beauty of this land surrounded by sea, Hawaii is a gorgeously quilted society woven from ethnic fabric. It is not only the Hawaiian culture, but this unique blend of Polynesian, Asian, Haole’s, all of the rest, and all of the above, that makes Hawaii such an interesting place to visit, or call home. <br /> In case you just got off the boat, Haole’s are folk of the pasty white variety, people of partial vanilla, descendants of Captain Cook. Haole has been interpreted by many to mean: one without breath, or spirit. Perhaps they were just being mean, or thought we were so pasty white, we were a ship of the walking dead. That is, until one of the big fellows sunk an adze (something like an axe) into Captain Cook’s torso, and he became further dead, thus disproving that theory. Still, the name stuck, and the dumber things we did, like wear shoes and wigs, did not further our reputation, figuring in - how did an individual surf in such a getup? So, affectionately, or not, we are often referred to as “Dumb Haoles.” <br /> The word Haole does not always have the same nice connotations as words such as Aloha and Mahalo. Today, “Haole” can be used in light reference; “Eh, Haole. How da surfs?” It can often be used in a derogatory way, preceded by the extreme pronoun, effin and action verb, huckin: “Eh, _____ Haole! Get the _____ offa my wave.”<br /> Now, the author, being Haole as well, would not be so self demeaning as to say all white wonder breaded folk are dumb, or that if you’re not honky whitey you should not read nor will gain nothing from this book. It could be that many of us, having never been to the tropics, are confoundedly lost when it comes to being thrown towhead first into any kind of ocean or jungle experience. Or, that we walk around in horribly hibuscused pairs asking all kinds of idiotic questions like which way is Wahkickee, we’re trying to get to Lehayna. Maybe it’s the way we do the Horrible Hula, as they pull us up on the luau stage to wiggle our ashen tushies to, that makes us seem so silly.<br /> Now, some Haole’s are dumber than others. On the smart end, you have your Euro Haole. And then on the other end of that rainbow, lies the 43rd President of the good ole USA. Before that, we were represented in Hawaii by Private Gomer Pyle (he lives near Diamond Head). Surprise surprise.<br /> Dummy Haole or Genius Haole, the one thing all cultures can learn from Hawaiians is this thing simply called Aloha (practicing random acts of), not to be confused with Mahalo, or crossed up to be Maloha. Aloha can mean a lot of things, but foremost is a profound respect for the land and the ocean, adhering to Hawaiian values (respecting one another), and maintaining a modest low-key presence. Here are a few good Hawaiian words to learn and live by:<br />Ha‘aha‘a . . . To be humble<br />Kuleana... Responsibility<br />Hö‘ihi... Respect<br />Ho’okipa… Hospitality<br />Lokomaika‘i . . . To share<br />Mälama . . . To care for each other<br />‘Imi ‘ike . . . To seek knowledge<br />tc " THE CHAPTER: SURVIVING CULTURALLY" <br />TOURIST HAOLE, LOCAL HAOLE, EURO HAOLE, HIPPY HAOLE<br />…what kind of Haole are you?<br />Type “A” Haole never leaves their resort. They do not experience the true blue Hawaii. <br />“A ship is not a ship until it leaves the harbor”<br />Now, let’s just say that you are type “B” Haole, whom:<br />did not fly first class to Hawaii<br />did not check into a fancy hotel where you were waited on hand in foot<br />did rent a car and broke free of the confines of your pampered resort experience<br />Or, you are type “C”:<br />d) flew in sitting next to the toilets and a crying baby with a two year old kicking the seat behind you who projected that recycled cardboard airline food dinner over the seat and onto your shoulder<br />e)slept in the banana slug inn and did in fact chase fleas, cockroaches and rats out of your bed, swatted mossies all night, got stung in the armpit or worse by a heat seeking centipede<br />f) rented a Rent-a-Wreck island cruiser in which neither the a/c, windshield wipers, gas guage, nor radiator works.<br />Type C, you are one step ahead of the game. Those Dudes and Betty’s sippin mai tai’s in their cabanas never knew what they were missing.<br /> It’s a shame that 90% of Hawaii’s visitors never see much more than Oahu’s crowded beaches of Waikiki and Kalakaua Avenue. Waikiki is not really a true measuring stick of Hawaii; though, where else can you find such a grand display of penis ashtrays, 3-dollar tee shirts and time-share bonanzas, along with that low tide procession of Tranny prostitutes at night? If you are visiting for the first time, it’s great to take in Waikiki for the experience, but get out and explore some of the outer islands. Don’t worry; English is the first language on every island except for Ni’ihau (fat chance you will be going there, unless you are at least 50% Hawaiian).<br /> Certainly, there is a major difference between your Hawaiian experience as a tourist Haole and as a resident - or Kama’aina Haole (one whom has spent at least half their life in the islands). If you are a tourist hanging out at the resort, you will most likely be surrounded at the pool by a bunch of folks getting sunburned like yourself, (if not, they are from Japan or elsewhere in Asia). The locals you will meet will most likely be in the hospitality industry, therefore extremely hospitable, or Ho’okipa. A tourist will exhibit profile one that they are a hotel Haole, not only by their gaudy aloha shirt socks and sandals getup but by honking their rent-a-car, and snapping photos at every sign and palm tree. <br /> Resident Haoles are a bit of a different breed. They blend in a bit more, have somewhat of a tan, and typically wear surf attire. Still, as a resident Haole in Hawaii, you are at a distinct disadvantage to the locals of mixed Polynesian descent. Here, almost anyone can be a “Cuzzin” to anyone else, except for the Haole. Not everyone on your block, unless you live in Kailua, welcomed you into their home to eat lomi lomi poke poke, but for they just wanted to see the expression on your face when you bit into something that was really intended for decoration, like a palm leaf.<br /> Patience? Not Type A’s virtue. As a Haole eating in a restaurant or roadside kau kau joint, expect your food to come slowly. Very slowly. To crawl to the table in fact. If you are a high-strung Haole (stricken with Haole-it is, chicken with your feet tied), you may have difficulty adjusting your appetite. In the end, you’ll have lower blood pressure and less indigestion if you just chill a bit. <br /> Regardless of how long you wait for it, your order will almost always come out a little upside down of what you desired, unless it was pineapple cake. It’s as if what you told the server had been funneled through some sort of hyperbaric dyslexic vacuum tube. Or at other times, you may wonder as you stand tapping your toes to the floor if in fact you are one of those legendary Menehune, the invisibles.<br /> Customer: “I’d like a veggie burger with chips, hold the pickle, double lettuce.” <br /> Order Taker: “So, dat’s two burgers, one scoop rice, everyting on it.” <br /> Customer: “No no, I’ll make it simple for you. One veggie burger and one bag chips, that’s all.”<br /> Order Taker: “K den. Get one fish burger, mash potatoes. You like relish widdat?”<br /> Customer: Sure, whatever. Make it to go.<br /> Order Taker: “Oh, we all kine back order on dat one. You like one veggie burgah?”tc " A TOURIST’S PERSPECTIVE" <br /> <br />HAWAIIAN LANGUAGEtc " HAWAIIAN CUSTOMS AND LANGUAGE" <br /> Very rarely does anyone speak Hawaiian in its fluent form; a word here, a word there. Only in a few schools is the language preserved. It’s wise to learn to pronounce popular Hawaiian words however - especially town, beach and street names. People might understand what you are saying when you ask for directions. “Where’s that golf course in Kanamonopoly?” does not often get you proper directions, other than, “Take one right at da church, follow da cane road.” Here are some clues to getting it right. <br /> Correct pronunciation of Hawaiian words requires English vowel sounds to be adjusted from the standard A, E, I, O, U, to the corresponding:<br /> A= Ah, like the A in “Another”<br /> E= long A, like the A in “Ace”<br /> I= long E, like the E in “Eagle”<br /> O= standard O, like the O in “Ocean”<br /> U= a short oo, like the U in “Tune”<br />The Hawaiian alphabet contains only 12 letters: 5 vowels plus 7 consonants (h, k, l, m, n, p, and w). If you see a glottal stop mark ( ‘ ), it indicates that the letter k has been omitted; there is a definite break in sound between the letters it separates. Pronouncing Hawaiian is easy. Pronounce every single letter in every single word. The accent is on the next to last syllable, usually. Like a surfboard, the longer you stay with it, the more you get the hang. And then there’s the slang…<br />SPRECKEN ZE PIDGIN?tc " SPRECKEN ZE PIDGIN?" <br /> Fitting in does not mean that you have to speak the nefarious language brewed in the islands known as Pidgin (a slang derived originally from the Spanish cowboys, or Paniolos). It’s rare that a Haole actually blends in with the locals completely anyway. You would be something like what we call a little white tongan to be sitting around the Pavilion downing beers with the bruddahs, like one in the ohana, the Hawaiian family. It is however, of great value to understand Pidgin, just don’t pretend to speak it if you are Haole. Have you ever heard a white guy trying to talk ghetto to a brother? Unless you are Steve Martin, it simply sounds like you have lost your mind. “Chee, Ass why, Brah, Malahini no can speak Pidgin!” It even sounds dumb li’ dat when a Haole tries to write it!<br />U Know U Local Eeftc " U Know U Local Eef" <br />You know 101 ways to fix your zori’s (rubber slippers)...50 using tape, 50 using glue and one using a stick to poke the strap back in. You wear two different color slippahs together and you no mind. Your only suit is a bathing suit. Nice clothes means a T-shirt without pukas. You say, “I going for lawnmower da grass” when you mean “I’m going to mow the lawn.” You can understand every word Bu La’ai says and you know what his name means, too. You have a sister, cousin, aunty or mom named “Honey Girl” or someone in the family named “Boy,” “Tita,” “Bruddah,” “Sonny,” “Bachan,” “Taitai,” “Popo” and/or “Vovo.” You say “Da Kine,” and the other person says “Da kine” and you both know what is “Da kine.” You call everyone older than you “Auntie,” “Uncle,” and “Cuzzin” and some probably are. You’d rather drag out the compressor and fill that leaking tire every single morning than have it fixed at the local gas station. The only time you honk your horn is once a year during the safety check. Your philosophy is “Bumbai.” (By and by, or one day, I’ll get around to it).<br />TIME STANDS STILL FOR EVERYONE<br />tc " LITTLE DEUCE COUP" <br /> One popular bumper sticker reads: “Slow down... this ain’t the Mainland.” It’s a well-known fact that in the islands, for every tick there are two tocks. Even the main clock tower in Waikiki has struck the hour 11 minutes late for the last 35 years.<br /> My friends gave me a t-shirt with an orange triangle on the back. It reads: “Warning: Slow moving vehicle”. So you see the species evolvement, the adaptation. Subscribe to it and you will live long in the islands.<br />ROAD TIME KILL<br /> Take driving. Nobody here is in a hurry to do anything, especially the road crews, who fill potholes. So if you are stuck on a one-road island and that one road is down to one lane, try not to blare your horn at the wind. Press on your temples or something. Look up at the palm trees, feel how warm it is outside - you’re in Hawaii! Just how you pictured it, right?<br /> Everybody is looking at the scenery. Nobody’s looking where they’re going. The sun is in your eyes. Whales are breeching. The roads are full of potholes. Some drivers are occupied smoking it. So naturally, they are all going very slowly. <br /> On the other hand, there are the newly paved 4 lane highways that run through the wide-open straights of Maui. You will be sure to note that the speed limit in this middle of nowhere is 45 mph. Enjoy the ticket if you don’t.<br /> The best offense here is defense. Be prepared for erratic movements of cars at all times, but most importantly, on one lane highways where there is no separation between your vehicle and oncoming traffic.<br /> If you are driving on a windy road (as in whine dy), and coming around a blind turn, honk before you round the corner. If you are a slow driver, use turnouts regularly or face the wrath of drive by machete wielding. Worst place and time for travel accidents, in any “foreign” country? Rural roads at night.<br />GETTING DIRECTIONStc " GETTING DIRECTIONS" <br /> If you ask a local for directions, prepare yourself for a cultural experience. The first trick is, you have to know where things were. It goes something like this…<br /> “Go mauka till get plenty tired, see one Oleolekanakaole Hwy., turn makai one maybe ten miles till stay where one palm tree was, make one lef, den see one church li’ dat, go mauka till find where Aunty Kealoha was waving, stay left go stay going to where one shave ice stand was, da bugga be on your rights, guarens.” <br />Here is a behind the wheel, island by island comparison:<br /> Oahu, in particular the Pearl Harbor to Waikiki stretch, has the most crowded and confusing freeways of most any paradise. There are few entrances back onto the freeway where there are exits. You may have to drive a few miles before you can get back on the same highway again, and it will be at a much different place. Just keep your eye on Diamond Head. Also, most Highways have more than one name, but only have one Highway number. Gilligan may find his way home before you do. Get the free maps in one of the free guides you can find at many locations starting with the airport, and use them to wipe your forehead.<br /> Maui has no true freeways but has expanded the highways where nature allows. Where it doesn’t, there are some very dangerous two-lane highways. Head on collisions are a daily occurrence on the Pali. Traffic backs up for hours while they clear the wreckage. <br /> Kauai has one road running mostly two lanes that almost circles the island but not quite, cut off by the Napali Coast. People drive so slowly here that you can forego the airbags. One slow truck and you are coasting on Kauai time. If you are stressed about this, stop off at the nearest beach. There is sure to be a view that will help you forget where you were heading. <br /> The Big Island is well, big, and the roads run like mirages beyond eternity. Traffic is not much of a concern here, except for in Kona. Watch for triathletes in training.<br /> Lanai has very winding, rugged roads with little traffic. Jeeps are the vehicles of choice.<br /> Molokai has very little traffic, and fewer roads. Mules are the vehicles of choice.<br />Hawaiian Foodtc " Native Hawaiians" <br /> Food here is just like the people, a blend of cultural palettes. Don’t be afraid to eat Hawaiian food. Ono grinds! Broke da mouth! Happy Opu! Polynesians (Hawaiians, Tongans, Samoans, Fijians) love their Pork, their Lomi Lomi Salmon, Portuguese sausage, and just about everything that comes on a local Plate Lunch. You got food, they gonna eat.<br /> Yes, the difference between the biggest Cornhusker you know and a healthy Hawaiian dude is about 400 pounds, but you can’t blame such mass on two finger Poi. Not only did we bring disease with us, we brought fast food joints. The true Hawaiian diet is healthy in many aspects and tasty in others. <br /> Fish, both cooked and raw is what most people come here to feast upon, though the Hawaiians have turned even pork into a delicacy with the added Polynesian spices. Many of these spices were borrowed from ocean neighbors, a favorite being Teriyaki.<br /> Poi, derived from Taro root, is the food of heritage - but more Spam is consumed in the State of Hawaii than the rest of the world combined. It is more likely that the largest Hawaiians grew in size from eating fast food and Spam (Spam Lite not a big seller here), than Poi. Nothing like a Spam Jam to keep fit and trim.<br /> It’s no secret that the best fish in the world can be found in Hawaii. Because the waters are fresh, deep and wild, you will find such a variety of fish that if you don’t like one, you will certainly like another. Generally, the pricier fish are the ones fished from the deepest seas, like Opakapaka. Mahi Mahi has a bit fishier taste, and is actually of the dolphin family, though looks nothing like Flipper. Grilling and sushi perpetrators, most commonly seek after Ahi, or Albacore.<br /> Of course, the luscious dripping fruits are most desired. Happy faces gobble up pineapples, mangoes, star fruit, and bananas by the bunch. And then there are the Mac Nuts, Maui Onions, Maui Potato chips, and the Kona Coffee. <br /> By night, some Polynesians may share a bowl of Kava or two. It’s a ground up root that either makes you laugh or just numb. The local Hawaiian beer is called Primo, though in Hawaii, Bud is the king of beers. In the hotels, it is the Mai’Tai’s the Pina Colada’s, the Volcano, both virgin and not. <br />Japanese Food<br /> Most Haole’s are familiar with Japanese food, but you will never have fresher sushi than in Hawaii. For a true sushi bar, ask if the crab is real or not, and if the Ahi is sashimi grade.<br />Chinese Food<br /> Mu shu seafood. Hawaii, where you can get authentic Chinese food not cooked by Mexicans.<br />Mexican Food<br /> Where you can get real Mexican food cooked by Chinese! Lots of chain restaurants have popped up all over Hawaii, like Maui Tacos and Jalapenos. They are okay, but if you want the best, check out Buenuelos near Sea Life Park on Oahu, or Polli’s in Makawao on Maui.<br />Korean Food<br /> The mouth waters at the thought of short ribs marinated in Teriyaki. Check out your local grocer if you want to thrown some ribs on the barb-b and cook’em yourself.<br />Thai Food<br /> Check out Wailuku for the best of Thai. Ono coconut soup with thai spice. Masman Curry. Spring rolls. Cornish game hen.<br />Filipino Food<br /> Comprised mostly of dried fish with vinegar, rice and coconut - has got to be the hardest to figure out. The name of a dish often suggests how it’s prepared. Prito means fried; gisa, ginisa or gisado means sautéed. Ihaw or inihaw means grilled or broiled. Adobo is to sauté in vinegar and garlic. Paksiw means to stew in sour fruit or vinegar, ginataan is anything cooked in coconut milk (gata). Sinigang is like bouillabaisse, but thinner in consistency, and use either fish, prawns or meat with vegetable. It is usually made sour by adding some acidic fruit like tamarind or small green kamias. Just say, “Give me some Filipino food, not too spicy, please” unless you’d like to add color to your sunburn.<br />HAWAIIAN MUSIC<br /> When people think of Hawaiian music, the tunes that come to mind belong to the likes of Don Ho (“Tiny Bubbles”) and…that’s about as far as most foreigners can go naming that tune. Elvis (“Blue Hawaii”), Loggins and Messina (“Lahaina”), and The Beach Boys (“Gone To Hawaii”) don’t really count for Hawaiian Music. It’s music about Hawaii but that’s about all the mangoes she wrote, unless you count in Cecilio and Kapono, and to anyone with their ears open, Israel “Iz” Kamakawiwo’ole. Name one Slack Key artist and most people can’t. <br /> Slack Key music is not originally Hawaiian either, they just put their twist on it. The first slack key musicians were the Paniolos, the Spanish cowboys who brought the craft and their cactus seed turd dropping cattle with them.<br /> The best slack key artists you will find, if you’re lucky, are at some local gathering, if not sitting on a stone somewhere strumming the six string, the first and last being slacked. Some of the listeners have been slacked an octave or two as well. <br /> The most commercially successful slack key artists include the Pahunui Family, Kapono Beamer, the Makaha Sons, the Brothers Cazimero, and oddly enough, one of Hawaii’s most popular groups called Hapa (“Olinda Road”), which includes Nathan Aweau, Charles Ka’upu and what many consider the most talented slack key player ever born, Barry Flanigan. That’s right, a Haole boy!<br /> On the contemporary end, there is a lot out there locally, led by the likes of Keali’I Reichel, the Ka’au Crater Boys (“Surf”, “Brown Eyed Girl”), Willie K, Marty Dread, and my favorite, “Fish and Poi, I’m a big boy” by Sean Na’auao.<br /> Of course, one would never want to leave out the Ukulele, and the Legendary Iz. Many of the Waikiki beachboys were excellent musicians and composers, including Melvin Paoa, Squeeze Kamana, Pua Kealoha, Chick Daniels and Splash and Freckles Lyons. Legendary beachboy parties were held in the 1920s at the Moana Hotel Pier, where when the surf was down, the beachboys would strum their ukuleles and sing Hawaiian songs, along with famous celebrities like Bing Crosby.<br /> Israel “Iz” Kamakawiwo’ole is the embodiment of Hawaiian Music and the ukulele. He was called the “Bob Marley of Hawaii” and “the Gentle Giant.” As legend has it, he called his producer and said there was a song he had to record. He showed up at the studio at midnight with his ukulele -- and, in 5 minutes, created " Over The Rainbow/Wonderful World." Just as quickly, he was gone, at the young age of 38.<br />HAWAIIAN STYLEtc " HAWAIIAN STYLE" <br /> “Hawaiian Style” is a hard thing for a Haole to put a pen to. It begins with a knowledge of the ocean, but difficult to define otherwise. Sure, there are obvious things like style of dress and the car you drive, but it’s the little things that count.<br /> The one character that epitomizes ‘Hawaiian style’ to me is a chap that goes by the name of Bula’ia. His speech, dress, moves, they are all Hawaiian style. At one time, he was almost elected Governor, which would be equivalent to Pat Paulsen being elected for President. Another time though, behind bars.<br /> Having Hawaiian style does not necessarily demand that you are Hawaiian. I once knew a good Haole lad named Richard. He was just 17, a hard knocks case - well, for a Kailua kid anyway. Since he had grown up in the islands, he fit in better than any Haole I ever knew. <br /> One thing I could always count on with Richard, he was always borrowing my stuff. Well, at least he wasn’t like my other local friend, always stealing my stuff. He just had this uncanny way of playing the nice guy that never wins, or the poor kid that can’t afford the windsurfer. So, I always lent him mine. <br /> Like that fabled camel, Richard noticed that on my trip to the mainland for Christmas, that my car would be just sitting there. I had traded in my old bomb for a Toyota Tercel, the economy car of the islands. It was in pretty good shape when I left, but when I got back, it looked like it had just lost one demolition derby. He had spray painted it for me, to cover up the rust. I didn’t remember any rust. The locks were smashed in, on account of, “lost the keys and had to get in to hotwire it.” His good buddy, SunStar, had removed the Catalytic Converter, and it sounded much better now that it had some holes in the muffler. There would be no charge for the cracks in the dashboard or the burn holes in the roof. “Your wheels needed breaking in, you know. Island Style.”<br /> Everything, to Richard was Island Style. We could be talking a plain hamburger, but the way it was decorated and adorned with two scoops of rice made it Island Style. Kind of like wearing your cap backwards in New York made you New York. <br /> When I left Kailua, I lost contact with Richard. It wasn’t till years later that I ran into him again on my way to go boogie boarding. He looked exactly the same, except for his thingy was swingin in the wind. Of course, it was at Little Beach next to Makena, Maui, a great place on a Northwest swell to go bodysurfing, but known mostly for it’s reputation as a nudie hangout. We call it Dong beach, because the Dongs here outnumber the Wahinian species about 20-1. So there was Richard, with his all around body tan, his Dong hangin out.<br /> I wondered. Was this Hawaiian Style? Maybe 300 years ago.<br />CELEBRATIONStc " CELEBRATIONS" <br /> The biggest celebration in Hawaii besides May Day, New Year’s Eve and King Kamehameha Day, is the Baby Luau. The significance of a child making it to one year dates back about 100 years, when it was a miracle if a child lived to its first birthday. Most people point their finger at the diseases the Haoles brought, others say it was crib death syndrome, though I don’t think they had any cribs. Maybe cribs placed under coconut trees were to blame.<br /> With all the mixed cultures in Hawaii, fireworks make a big bang. I would rather go face to face with a huge wave or shark than run through the streets of Oahu on New Year’s Eve. Some locals spend an entire month’s salary on ropes of firecrackers they tie together and hang from high-rise balconies. Cherry bombs get thrown at you when you walk on the streets. You can’t breathe all night, and you can’t hear for weeks. It only took me one of these celebrations to know to head for the countryside forever after.<br /> The other big celebration is Halloween in Lahaina. Kinda cool, kinda spooky. Everybody has to do it once. My suggestion is to travel in groups, don’t stay out too late, and don’t let your date dress as a dog or in Saran Wrap.<br />CHICKEN SKINtc " CHICKEN SKIN" <br /> Believe it or nadas. Hawaii, with its old mansions, bloody sacrifices, and skull edifices is a breeding ground for ghost stories. It seems everyone whom has lived here has one. You wouldn’t know it, walking down the streets of Waikiki, that Hawaii has a plethora of not just prostitutes, but phantom figures. There are spooks upon spooks; kind and not so kind, maybe even some old hooker spooks. The less you believe in them, the more they make their presence known. <br /> The town I lived in, Haiku, was built upon a graveyard. My house in particular was haunted as hell’s bells. For instance, a wooden puppet flew off the shelf and landed in the middle of the room, its head broken off - stuff like that. But the funniest one, at least if you’d been there, was when my Japanese friend and pro windsurfer, Tetsu Hoshino, came rushing down the stairs at midnight screaming, “Ghorst! Ghorst! Pulling my hair! Ghorst!” We tried to calm him down, as the next night we were headed to Kauai on a surf trip and he would be manning the house alone. When I got back, there was just a note, saying something about the “Ghorst,” a “dead mynah bird in the toilet”, and “staying in a hotel on the other side of the island.” Tetsu, now a strong believer in ghorsts.<br /> The most often talked about ghosts in Hawaii are the Nightwalkers. They are seen strutting their way across ancient bloodied battlefields in gruesome groups, and at times on Hawaiian Holiday buses, where the leader is telling jokes... “Eh spooks. You see that dead kine sugar cane over there, the small stuffs? That’s where they make Sweet Low & Chariot!”<br /> Some ghosts do mean serious business however. The Bishop Museum on Oahu is as haunting an edifice as one needs to conjure up visions of tomb. Ghosts have been seen often in this spiritual mortuary, where the bones of ancients and war relics - as sure as a redneck eats grits - holds traces of the supernatural.<br /> Of all the incidents at the Bishop, the most ill fated involved the stones of Waha’ula heiau, brought back from the Big Island of Hawai’i in the 1930s for display. The Waha’ula heiau was built in AD 1250, and was in use for sacrificial rites up till the early 19th Century. <br /> This bloody heiau was home to many ghosts, including one made famous in the 1915 edition of William D. Westervelt’s “Hawaiian Legends of Ghosts and Ghost Gods.” The book recants the story of the son of the high chief of Ka’u, who was killed by the Mu, or body-catchers, and sacrificed on the altar. His ghost managed to return, recover his bones, and flee to the spirit world.<br /> Fast forward to the Bishop, 1930’s. A young Hawaiian man who worked on the roof of the Bishop was warned by his mother to quit work at once. His mother had a dream that something bad would happen to him, and others who were working up there on the roof had seen something, they don’t know what.<br /> He fell through the skylight to his death on the heiau made from the stones for Waha’ula.<br /> Pause for spine chill. For those unfamiliar with the Waha’ula Heiau, it is the very same that was spared by the red-hot molten lava from Kilauea volcano. The intrinsic power of the stones was further demonstrated in 1989 when the lava flow destroyed the $1.2 million National Park Visitor Center, ran up the very edge of the heiau’s sacred stones and stopped dead in it’s tracks.<br /> It is suggested not to move the stones of Waha’ula or any heiau. Furthermore, avoid the temptation to take home any lava. Thousands of rocks have been mailed back to the National Park Service with notes about new-found bad luck. <br /> Waimea Falls Park is considered Oahu’s biggest burial ground. This valley is rife with history of human sacrifice. Many locals avoid the area after dark because it’s so creepy. The Waihe’e Falls and pond, in particular, is the location of one of Hawaii’s strangest ongoing mysteries.<br /> In 1792 a prominent chief sacrificed four men here, one of them a British soldier. Since then, the pond at the falls has seen several unexplained drownings, where the body disappears and then resurfaces after three days. In each case, the victim was a white male, 18 to 21 years old, and a member of the military — the exact demographics of the British soldier.<br /> In 1952, a young Merchant Marine from Seattle jumped from the falls at night, broke his neck and died. His friends searched in vain for his body, but it vanished, and so they vowed to camp out overnight, in case the corpse floated up. The soldiers later told police early the next morning they heard horrible noises, freaked out, and ran down the trail and out of the valley. A police rescue team reached the falls to discover the waterfall was nearly dried out. They located the body and as they prepared to pull it up, the pond unexpectedly erupted into a boiling, swirling mass. The team headed down the valley, and suddenly the pond completely emptied itself, creating an eight-foot tidal wave of water that roared down the hill, destroying everything and carrying the police and the body all the way down to the beach. Nobody knew why. There were no earthquakes, no rain, no reports of flash floods. A wise Hawaiian elder later told police that they had removed the body too soon, before it could be used for a ritual, and the resident spirit was forced to empty the pond, rinse off his altar, so to speak.<br /> <br />BEWARE OF MENEHUNEStc " BEWARE OF MENEHUNES" <br /> Millions and millions of years ago...okay, here’s the danger of Menehunes. What is a Menehune, you ask? Supposedly, they are little people much like leprechuans, said to have been the first inhabitants of Hawaii. When anything unexplained happens, the Menehunes tend to get the credit, or take the fall. <br /> I asked one lady in researching this book, “What would you say is the most dangerous thing about living in Hawaii?” It took her a while. She couldn’t think of anything. Then, her face lit up. “I know! Getting sprinkled with magic dust by... (was she referring to a trip through Paia, new age hipster capital of the Pacific? Of course not, it was...)”those, those Menehunes!”<br />ARMY, AIR FORCE, NAVY, MARINES<br /> Along with the surf culture, one can’t leave out the military culture of the islands. The biggest attraction in Hawaii is Pearl Harbor, where visiting veterans flock to pay their respect to fallen heroes. The US military machine is still alive and well here, very much a part of the fabric and boost to the economy of the islands, especially that of Oahu. Even with the closing of Barber’s Point Naval Station, and the ceasing of the practice bombing of Kohoolawe, Schofield Barracks presence is enough to maintain and keep us free from evil perpetrators. By now they have figured out that bombing the islands isn’t necessary, they just print up some money and purchased them, one property at a time. Here is some info on where to go to see what is left of our Naval fleet.<br />Arizona Memorial Museum Association<br />No. 1 Arizona Memorial Place<br />Honolulu, HI 96818<br /><br />A non-profit association cooperating with the National Park Service, the Association operates a bookstore at the USS Arizona Memorial that provides visitors with educational material about the attack on Pearl Harbor and World War II in the Pacific.<br />Battleship Missouri Memorial Ticket Office<br />63 Cowpens St.<br />Honolulu, HI 96818<br /><br />Reservations Toll Free: (877) 891-1234<br />Reservations: (808) 973-2494<br />This is where WWII Ended with the Surrender of the Japanese Forces. With over six decades of life at sea and 60,000 tons to explore, the Battleship Missouri Memorial is an interactive educational and inspirational monument.<br />USS Bowfin Submarine Museum & Park<br />11 Arizona Memorial Drive<br />Honolulu, HI 96818-3145<br /><br />Reservations: (808) 423-1341<br />Tours of the historic World War II submarine USS Bowfin. Submarine museum and waterfront memorial. <br />CULTURAL IMMERSION<br /> Hawaiian culture is very much about dance and music. The rest is really Hawaiian history. So you might think, then what has Hawaii borrowed from North American culture, besides video games, MTV, Beavis and Butthead? The answer might lie in the waves…surf culture. Even in Europe, you see the younger generations eschewing Gucci and Prada for Gotcha, Quicksilver, Maui Built, Hawaiian Island Creations and the like.<br /> There are certain aspects of the Hawaiian culture that people of all ages try to hang onto. First and foremost is dance, followed by music, the art of surfing, canoe sailing and paddling, then crafts such as quilts and carvings - perhaps some ancient fishing techniques. Lastly, there is language, and the arts. Fortunately, “Kill Haole Day” for the children and the annual headhunt for the grownups have been lost in the mix.<br /> Some parts of Hawaiian culture, due to such a mix of cultures, may be best soon forgotten. In particular, the practices of backyard slaughter of animals including dogs (completely legal in Hawaii at this writing), as well as cockfighting (illegal yet widely practiced). On the other side of the fence, claims are made that this was a part of their culture - be it Filipino, Asian or Polynesian culture - but so was headhunting.<br /> Listed below are some of the centers of Hawaiian culture. Many people enjoy delving into the history of Hawaii, others just want to be entertained. The latter would enjoy getting their dose of Polynesian culture through a good old fashioned Luau. Nearly every major hotel hosts a great luau, beginning with a crafts exhibition, then pig on the spit, dances of the islands, pulling the dumb Haoles up on stage to make utter fools out of us, and wrapping it up with one or two amazing firedancers. <br />Top Cultural Attractions<br />OAHU<br /> One of the reasons that Oahu is so popular among visitors is that it is at the forefront of Hawaiian culture. Standing atop the Pali, looking out at the breathtaking scenery, one feels compelled to imagine what it was like to live amongst the warring Hawaiian tribes, and not to be pushed over one of those cliffs. <br />The Bishop Museum<br />1525 Bernice Street<br />Honolulu, HI 96817<br /><br />Reservations: (808) 847-3511<br />Hawaii’s museum of natural and cultural history, Bishop Museum hosts an extensive collection of Hawaiian artifacts and royal family heirlooms of Princess Bernice Pauahi Bishop. The Museum has millions of artifacts, documents and photos. Planetarium shows showcase Polynesian skies and how voyagers navigated using the stars to sail the Pacific. In the new Science Adventure Center, visitors can experience Hawaii’s volcanic eruptions, pilot a deep sea rover, see lava melting demos, or walk-through the vivid environment of the Hawaiian Origins Tunnel. <br />Polynesian Cultural Center, 55-370 Kamehameha Highway in Laie, 96762, Oahu’s north shore<br /><br />Over 32 million people have visited the world-famous cultural theme park and enjoyed a unique introduction to the people and cultures of Polynesia. <br />Queen Emma Summer Palace<br />2913 Pali Hwy<br />Honolulu, HI 96817<br /><br />Reservations: (808) 595-3167<br />Former residence of Queen Emma and King Kamehameha IV. The museum is listed on the National Historic Registry and smoothly operated by the Daughters of Hawai‘i. <br />BIG ISLAND<br /> Birthplace of King Kamehameha I and home to the annual Merrie Monarch Festival, Hawaii’s Big Island has a strong connection to its Hawaiian heritage. Land of the Kings, it was conquered over and over again.<br />PUUKOHOLA HEIAU<br />62-3601 Kawaihae Road <br />Kawaihae, HI 96743<br />Visitor Information (808) 882-7218 ext. 2 <br /><br />The largest heiau, sacred place of worship, in Hawaii. Kohala born Kamehameha the Great was dedicated Puukohola heiau to the war god Kukailimoku in an effort to stop civil unrest and unite the Hawaiian Islands. The heiau was constructed overlooking the Kohala coast between 1790 and 1791. King Kamehameha ultimately fulfilled the kahuna’s wishes when he united the Hawaiian Islands in 1810.<br />PUUHONUA O HONAUNAU NATIONAL HISTORICAL PARK,<br /><br />From Kailua-Kona, travel south towards Volcano on Highway 11.  Turn right towards the ocean on Route 160 at the Honaunau Post Office. Watch for the park sign on the left as you drive towards the ocean. A left at the church, a right at the old lady walking by…okay, ignore that last sentence. <br /> Located on Honaunau Bay in south Kona, Puuhonua o Honaunau immerses you in ancient Hawaiian culture. This 180-acre national historic park was once a place of refuge for ancient Hawaiian criminals. Kapu, or sacred laws, were of utmost importance to Hawaiian culture and the breaking of kapu could mean death. A kapu-breaker’s only chance for survival was to evade his pursuers and make it to a puuhonua, or a sacred place of refuge. Once there, a ceremony of absolution would take place and the law-breaker would be able to return to society. Mike Tyson and OJ have made it to that wall often.<br />EAST HAWAII CULTURAL CENTER <br />141 Kalakaua St.     Hilo, HI     96720     (808) 961-5711<br /><br />EHCC sponsors events that attract many thousands of visitors annually,tc “” dedicated to preserving cultural, creative and traditional arts in Hawai’i, to foster community involvement with culture and the arts; and to coordinate activities and resources among East Hawai’i arts and cultural community. East Hawai’i Cultural Center is home to an alliance of arts and cultural organizations among them the Big Island Dance Council, Hawaii Concert Society, Bunka No Izumi, Kin Ryosho Dance Academy, and the Phillippine Women’s Circle. No Square dancing allowed.<br /> <br />VOLCANO ART CENTER<br />Hawaii Volcanoes National Park<br />Volcano, HI<br /><br />Reservations: (808) 967-8222<br />The Volcano Art Center is known hula performances, exhibitions, concerts, classes and workshops. Its gallery, in the historic 1877 Volcano House in Hawaii Volcanoes National Park, showcases Hawaii’s best art and artists. Educational programs in the visual, literary, performing arts, Hawaiian cultural, and natural sciences, are open to children and adults year-round. VAC’s new campus, nestled in a majestic ohia and tree fern forest in Volcano Village, provides an inspirational setting for the study of glass, ceramics, woodworking, and other art forms. For recent homeowners in the park, this can mean dancing mortgage on hot lava.<br />THE PACIFIC TSUNAMI MUSEUM, HILO<br />Learn about the cataclysmic natural events that struck Hilo, here in the historic First Hawaiian Bank Building on Kamehameha Avenue. Hilo twice survived tsunamis and as a result, the town was built further inland with a park as a buffer.
See photographs of the 1946 and 1960 disasters. Listen to recordings of eye-witness accounts. Some of the volunteer docents remember the speeding wave of 1960, and share their stories of bravery. This is a fascinating stop on your visit to Hilo.<br />PARKER RANCH CENTER<br />67-1185 Mamalahoa Hwy, Suite h148-149<br />Kamuela, HI 96743<br /><br />Reservations: (808) 885-7655<br />The Parker Ranch Museum, located in the Parker Ranch Visitor Center in Waimea, provides a self-guided tour that takes you from the days of grass houses and native Hawaiian villages, through the evolution of the Hawaiian Cowboy – the paniolo. It details the development of Parker Ranch, from its founding by John Parker, a New Englander who jumped ship on the Big Island, to its place at one time as the largest private ranch under single ownership in the United States. Now it is the Ponderosa.<br />MAUI<br />Lahaina was the first capital of Hawaii, but the real battles of ancient Hawaii ran the rivers red in Iao Valley. Much of the culture here is preserved in the dancing of the hula, yet the new cultural center brings cultural and modern events to life.<br />MAUI ARTS AND CULTURAL CENTER<br /><br />One Cameron Way, Kahului, Maui (Off Wailuku Beach Rd.)<br />The MACC’s commitment to cultural programs help increase <br />knowledge of traditional Hawaiian culture. In 2005, K ̄a ‘Aha Hula ‘o H ̄alauaola, the World Conference on Hula, was hosted at The MACC with over 2000 hula practitioners from around the world. The MACC hosts all kinds of cultural events and exhibits, as well as many major concert and theatre venues. The outdoor theatre is a favorite, and the Castle Theatre is a two balcony modern affair for when it rains, with the McCoy Studio featuring many other cultural venues.<br />HANA CULTURAL MUSEUM<br />974 Uakea Road, overlooking Hana Bay<br /><br />The Hana Cultural Center is a non-profit organization dedicated to the preservation of the history of Hana through artifact, documents, photographs, etc. This Kauhale O Hana consists of four authentic Hawaiian hale; a living hale, a meeting hale, a cooking hale, and a canoe building/storage hale. The surrounding walls and terraces are built in a fashion echoing the highly refined agrarian techniques of Hana‘s earliest settlers, with appropriate food and medicinal plans selected for their historic relevance. Features a phallic stone. Hard Rock Café joke goes here. <br />OLD LAHAINA LUAU<br />West End of Lahaina<br /><br />For the most authentic Luau, make sure you reserve well in advance a night at the Old Lahaina Luau. Don’t expect any firedancing, but do prepare yourself for an epic night of storytelling through the hips of Hawaii’s best dancers.<br />MAUI MYTH & MAGIC THEATRE<br />878 Front Street<br />Lahaina, HI 96761<br /><br />Reservations: (808) 661-9913<br />A theatrical journey through time that weaves together the powerful images of Hawaiian mythology and history. Through song and dance, live music, special effects and imagery, ‘Ulalena evokes wonder in a spellbinding experience. Broadway meets hula in ancient Hawaiian remodeled shopping center.<br />HAWAII NATURE CENTER<br />875 Iao Valley Rd<br />Wailuku, HI 96793<br /><br />Reservations: (808) 244-6500<br />The Hawaii Nature Center’s Rainforest Walk is woven through ancient footsteps of the Ali’i, and Iao Valley. After crossing Iao Stream and entering the private 35 acres, visitors will pass by an old village site where evidence of ‘terraces’ can be found. To better convey life as it may have been lived by Native Hawaiians, a live Taro patch or Lo’i is presented along with discussions on the significance of Taro in the Hawaiian diet and culture. Site of the Battle of Kepaniwai, the damming of the river, and some of the most astounding scenery for those still standing.<br />KAUAI<br />Koke’e Natural History Museum is a little museum with heart open 365 days a year. Koke’e Museum provides programs about Kaua’i’ s ecology, geology and climatology. Kokee’s Museum also provides basic information on trail conditions in Waimea Canyon and Koke’e State Parks.<br />The dramatic natural splendor of Kaua’i’s mountain landscapes nourishes and refreshes all of us who live here. The splendid upland Waimea Canyon and Koke’e parks attract nearly every visitor who ventures to our Island shores. Waimea Canyon, the “Grand Canyon of the Pacific” as Mark Twain once described it, is an impressive canyon over 2700 feet deep cut in the heart of the small Kaua’i island. A little culture, a lot of eye candy.<br />RELIGION<br /> Last but not least of our cultural subjects is religion, which plays a big part in every society. In Hawaii, there is the deeply rooted missionary culture. Did you know that the missionaries planted Kiawe trees with their giant thorns so that the Hawaiians would not walk around barefooted anymore? That actually worked out well for the sandal industry.<br /> There is still a strong Christianity stronghold in Hawaii. Other than those thorns, you really have to respect the first missionary Haole’s to come to the islands. Travel was quite difficult, and living conditions extreme for someone frocked in missionary wear. Not everyone welcomed your convictions. There was no Home Depot for church construction, either.<br /> The Mormons have a stronghold on Oa-hu-ta as well. The Polynesian Cultural Center has a spiritual purpose: In addition to helping preserve and showcase South Pacific island cultures, the Polynesian Cultural Center is a Mormon Institution, benefiting scholarship programs for Brigham Young Hawaii students.<br /> With so many cultures, there are half as many religious factions drifting around, some mild, none extreme; Buddhists, Muslims, even a few Jews. You have your hip new agers, your born agains, and your born against. Most people just pray for surf, and on big days, they pray they come back in from it.<br />DARK SIDE OF PARADISE<br />BOOK ‘EM, DANOtc " BOOK ‘EM, DANO" <br /> Our 50th State is the 42nd most populated, yet 2nd highest in property crime. I often wonder why this is, but after thinking it through, I came up with a few answers:<br />• Not much for the police to go on. The description of the whodunnit is a medium height guy with dark hair, tattoos, dark complexion, looks like the guy on the cover of “Pidgin To Da Max.” <br />• As soon as they step off the plane, tourists let their guard down.<br />• Getaway car is a stolen rent-a-car. Could be yours..<br />• The term “Dumb Haole” did not come out of the blue.<br />SMASHING PINEAPPLES<br />tc " SMASHING PINEAPPLES" <br /> Walk blindly through the streets of paradise and you will lose your aloha shirt. <br /> If you are an adventurous Haole, there is a good chance you will encounter some animosity. Whether it is just in the form of verbal terror, or physical assault, there is nothing you can do to change the history of the islands. You don’t own the hotel blocking the view of the surf - the Japanese probably do. Yet, you are a Haole, and some ancestor you don’t know took over the land.<br /> But don’t get this wrong. Not every Haole that steps foot into the state of Hawaii gets their ass handed to them by the Bruddah’s and his Cuzzins, only the ones that ask for it. Certainly, you will endure your fair share of mosquito and centipede bites, near drowning, maybe a tassel with a cane rat and a cockroach or two. But if you don’t ask for trouble, draw too much attention to yourself, and respect the Hawaiians and their ‘aina’ (land), you may just get through your visit to the islands, or an extended twenty year vacation - without experiencing unwanted tattoos, twisted limbs and a broke nose. You also might want to try wrapping a Ti leaf around a rock every now and again for good luck.<br />OH TO BE KING (of beers)<br /> The truth is, we did sort of take over the islands when they were sleeping off the Luau. Our forefathers stole the property right out from under their uncle’s cuzzin’s noses. Forget the fact that we brought with us refrigerators, TV and Budweiser. We also brought fences, land deeds in our name, and diseases that nearly wiped out the native population. <br /> It is not so hard to understand the attitudes of the disgruntled. There are three types of people in the world - the haves, the have nots, and the “I don’t care just hand me a Budweiser” crowd. Hawaii is no different from anywhere else, except for that in Hawaii, the have nots outnumber the haves 100 to one, and the Budweisers, well, they are still king.<br /> In Hawaii, for the most part, the people who “have” are the Haoles (and for a period, the Japanese), and the majority of locals are the “have nots”. It was easy for the haves (having canons, guns and money), to just march in and take over the have nots (have nots much more than spears and coconuts). But what the Hawaiians and their counterparts (local seasoned Haoles included) have is a unique relationship with nature, something that can’t be bought or sold. <br />TOP TEN WAYS TO FIND TROUBLE IN PARADISEtc " TOP TEN WAYS TO FIND TROUBLE IN PARADISE" <br />• Honk your horn plenty at da Bruddah talking story to da Bruddahs in da udda truck blocking traffic.<br />• Dye your hair blonde, pink, green, purple, or all of the above. <br />• Talk very loudly with an annoying accent. Yell things, like: “Oh my gaaad! How slow can youse be? Where in east jeezus is my food? What, are your boys out catching my fish sandwich?!<br />• Ride a neon surfboard with animal prints. Wear TEAM stickers and surf like a DORK.<br />• Drive a red Mustang or Corvette with the top down. Aooooga at the local babes.<br />• Wear matching Aloha shirts with plastic buttons. Don tye dies, sandals with socks , speedos, hot pink shorts with white sunglasses (works against guys only). <br />• Yell, “Duuuude! Did you see my awesome moooove! I rawk!” Try to emulate the move. Fall down and blow out a knee trying.<br />• Don Ho the plastic multi-colored carnation lei or hang it on your rear view mirror if not brave enough. <br />• Walk inside a convenience store, and yell, “Okay, which one of you blokes owns the grey primer rusted Pick Up? You’re blocking me in! I’m missing my cardboard raft race !”<br />• Last of the most common pitfalls, is failing to use your blinker... <br />If you stay in the protected confines of a luxury resort, you may never experience one drop of local animosity. Any Haole who has lived in Hawaii for an extended length of time has run smack into some form of territorial behavior. It’s an anomaly why so many tourists have no clue as to the coconuts falling around them. It’s some sort of strange phenomenon like crop signs, Stonehenge, or the equatorial spinning of toilet water. omeone who has been resuscitated needs to be watched for weeks.<br /> WHAT’S FOR DINNERtc " WHAT’S FOR DINNER" <br />Beef: 1) A slab of meat for carnivorous dining 2) a base for Teriyaki to be poured 3) an argument where no side wins, resulting in 4) slab o’ grilled whoop ass.<br />Some locals just have it in for you because they don’t like your type. This one guy in Paia had hair like Peter Frampton and wore leopard skin pants. On Christmas Eve, a fine local representative of the pavilion drinking establishment walked right up to him and said, “Merry Christmas!” He then gave Frampton the white elephant gift, in the form of a raccoon eye.<br />Other Haoles just have bad timing. This rather large Haole dude was in a local market and looked at a girl with sly eyes. Just as wolf man was in mid howl, the girls boyfriend, a supersized fellow, emerged behind the shelves and picked him up by his throat, choking him until he passed out, dropping Wolf Man to the floor like a 240-pound bag of dog food. Woof.<br />PUNK PINEAPPLEStc " PUNK PINEAPPLES" <br /> The characters that will give you the most trouble may be half your size, with twice the attitude - backed up by a row of even badder pineapples, just like back home –it’s the teenagers sewing their oats, their angst, their frustrations. If you slow down, stare, and play their little game, inevitably you will feel the burning glare of ‘stink eye’ and will hear, “What Haole, eye problem?” This means, “Are you staring at me? Would you like a black eye?” This kind paraphrasing may be followed by something simple, such as “You like Beef?” The answer would not be, “No Punk, I’m more in the mood for some fried chicken. Do you have any fried chicken? WELL, DO YA PUNK?” <br /> So what do you say when verbally accosted by one or a group of bad pineapples? Not much. Try to mumble like you just escaped from the mental ward, orjust keep walking. Chances are they won’t follow. If they do, just say, “Oh. Sorry, Brah. Not looking for no trouble.” What don’t you say? Anything that would place an apple in your mouth, preparing you for the luau. “My hands are registered weapons, etc.” Trying to be cute can be devastating. Laughing, flipping and flexing as you walk away of course would be equivalent to Joe jumping in a volcano.<br /> The reason; you do not want to strike up a beef with any local of any age, sex, race or size, is because there will be no end to their lineage coming after you. In Hawaii, the extended family could include several hundred. Let’s say you are real fit and won your boxing championship in high school. Perhaps you even are here for the Pro Bowl, and twice the size of the antagonizer. The logic here is, “the bigger you are, the harder you fall.” Perhaps visions of your body spread out at a Luau with an apple in your mouth might not be too far fetched.<br /> I have had some friends who were just too macho to take it. They proudly puffed out their chests and went at it. Sometimes they won the scuffle, even if it meant going to the beach the next day and getting pummeled by their friends. There was no end to it, and their pride landed them back on the mainland. Were they sissies? No. Are they getting tubed at Honolua today? No.<br /> When you are at the hotel the locals will treat you with as many niceties as the ride; “It’s a Small World”. After all, their livelihood depends on their ho’okipa, their hospitality. However, take a ride to their town, in their territory, places like Waimanalo and Wainae, the bad pines will be waiting for you to draw attention, to make one bad move. <br />Bruddah 1: “Eh, Haole. You like fish? (Hey, white dude. Would you like to go fishing)? <br />Haole: Heck yeah.<br />Bruddah 2: “Good . (we) Need bait.”tc " LET IT SLIDE" <br /> <br /> Organized sports are a great way to befriend locals. Pick-up games are sometimes not. Once we were in Haiku playing hoops and some local teens challenged us to a game. Things got out of hand when one of the bigger local guys sent some verbal abuse to my friend that rattled his kahones. A stand-off ensued, and within seconds we were surrounded by locals like Indians around a wagon train. I was voted to break the circle and make a run for it to get the police. <br /> When I called 911, they responded, “So, what’s the problem.”<br /> “Well, my friends are being attacked by a bunch of local guys on the basketball court.”<br /> “So, what’s the problem? Your friends, they Haole?”<br /> “Yeah.”<br /> (To someone in the background) “Hey Bruddah, go get me some donuts. <br />BUDWEISER THIRTYtc " BUDWEISER THIRTY" <br /> The worst time to confront bad pineapples is when they are bloated with Budweiser. Typically, this would be a Sunday afternoon at the beach, Budweiser :30. <br />LI’L RASCALStc " LI’L RASCALS" <br /> It may be fable or may not that there used to be an official “Kill Haole Day”. (You can kill a Haole any day of the week now). As it were, every Friday the Haole kids were let out of school early, so they could make it home without getting the snot knocked out of them. The only problem was, they would take advantage of this by going surfing. The local boys would drop in on them later.<br /> On the serious side, there is a much more organized structure to Hawaii’s lackademic society. It comes in the form of gangs in school. We’re not talking Spanky and the Gang. Schools are too often disrupted by gang violence. Hawaii’s classrooms have some serious problems with warfare between Filipino, Tongan, Hawaiian, even surfer Haole gangs, the latter who mostly stick together wagon train fashion to increase their odds of survival. Yes, the water is warmer in Hawaii, true the palm trees grow taller, and aye, it is a fabulous place to go on vacation. But if you want to live in Hawaii and you have lily white Keikis in tow, and you can afford it, you may consider the private schools, especially at the middle and high school level.<br />And what’s this I hear about local thugs and the highest property crime scene in the nation? Can there really be a dark side to paradise, or is someone here just trying a bunch of hula-bula Hawaii 5-oh bull meant to steer a few tourists away? <br /> Property crime being a major concern, don’t leave your valuables in your car when at all possible. I’ve lost three nice cameras in parking lots, by the beach, and in the city. A very expensive bike out of the garage. Wallets, money. Surfboards, windsurfers. 200 pairs of flip flops. <br /> I was at the movies in Kahului watching Batman when somebody stole a camera out of my car. Where were the caped crusaders then?<br /> I finally came up with a trick to keep my cameras from getting stolen. Rather than a camera bag, I kept them in a cooler, in a second lower layer, with bad beer on top.<br /> It’s better to leave your car UN-locked, as it will save your door lock damage from the atypical screwdriver ream job. Even with the windows cracked (if it’s not going to rain), it signifies you are not far from the car and don’t care about its contents. Trunks are easy to pop, so don’t put anything in them. Take your valuables with you. If you’re in a hotel, put them in a safe.<br /> Parking along a rural roadside with your car locked is a surefire way to get your windows bashed in. In all probability, you may come back to your car with all four wheels stolen. It’s better to park in a county or state park parking lot and hike back to the trail entrance or whatever it is you are trying to get to.<br /> The resort areas do have fair security, and are all pretty much safe zones for crimes such as assault. Keep an eye on your beach bag. At some resorts, you can even feel pretty safe walking the beach at night, though I’m not sure that translates to being pretty safe. Ask the hotel employees first. It makes common sense to stay in well lit areas in any case. Take advantage of full moons. <br /> (Hawaii Crime Statistics)<br /><br />tc " " <br />ASSAULT AND BATTERIEStc " ASSAULT AND BATTERIES" <br /> Do not honk your horn at locals! A friend of mine shared a similar experience I had in Makawao. Two trucks blocking the lane for minutes. I suppose I should have exercised more patience, cooled my jets, but we had places to go. Both of us just tried to go around them, and upon doing so, were chased down the road. As the pick-up passed us, a bunch of pineapple punks started throwing Duracells to try and get us to pull over. There’s really not much difference between a Duracell, and an Eveready battery when they are pelting you through your window. <br />GANGStc " GANGS" <br /> There are all kinds of gangs in Hawaii. You may never know they exist, unless you frequent the dark side. You’ve got your Filipino gangs, which will even fight rival Filipino gangs. Got your Chinatown gangs, which would be typically Asian gangs. Then you have your Polynesian gangs; Hawaii Boys, Judas, and Sons of Samoa. These gangs operate sometimes from jail cells: Aryan Brotherhood, Black Gangster Disciples, Black Guerrilla Family, Bloods, Crips, Ku Klux Klan, La Nuestra Familia, Mexican Mafia, Skinheads, Vice Lords. They’re all in Hawaii, well organized and perched to pounce on your belongings.<br /> Last but not least, you have your surf gangs; notoriously the Black Shorts gang that rules the North Shore of Oahu. If you’re a Haole dude going to shop for shorts, pick out a pair other than black. So far, I’ve not heard of any black bikini gangs, but I’ll be on the lookout. <br />ROTTEN HAOLEStc " ROTTEN HAOLES" <br /> There are, of course, several cases of friendly fire. You’ve got your Haole surf rats, who will pound you for surfing in their spot. You’ve got your raging idiot Haole, who has been drinking and stinking bad pidgin for so long that he actually thinks like a bad pineapple. Usually, the first sign is just that - his manner of speech - unshaven beard, tan and oft wrinkled skin, as well as a combo fish smell Budweiser Jaegermeister breath.<br /> While coming off the water from a nice day of sailing, I was greeted in the parking lot by a very large Haole. I could feel the bad vibes as I walked past his pick up.<br /> “Eh, Brah, come ovah heyah. I juan aks you juan question.” <br /> Like an idiot, I walked over to his battered pick up. I could see obviously he was of a dockside persuasion, perhaps been at sea too long, that smell of combo breath.<br /> “Eh, Brah, you Juhr-man?” the big guy inquired.<br /> “Uh, Noohoho!” I blurted with too much emphasis, as if German were the last thing I would want to be, because I thought for sure this monster of a Haole was going to kick my ass and use it for fresh bait next day if I said I was German.<br /> “(Why) You! I’m German!” he sprayed into my face.<br /> I wondered if I had said, “Yavool!” he would have said, “(Why) You! I’m Jewish!”???<br /> He wanted to fight but lost sight of me after a distance of about ten feet came between us. I called McGarrett on his plates for a DUI. The number was busy.<br />HOOKERStc " HOOKERS" <br /> Hookers are another parasite that arrived with the mosquito. I could be wrong by now, but it’s really only been a problem on Oahu. Just head down to Hotel Street and you would see a plethora of prostitutes amongst the row of strip bars and dimly lit alleys of Honolulu. Of course, I’ve only heard of such places, but know a coupla dumb sticks who fly to Oahu for that one purpose. They think STD is an airline.<br /> Nowadays, if you walk down the streets of Waikiki - any street - you will witness a parade of these fine and not so fine ladies of the night. I thought prostitution was illegal, but so is marijuana. It’s your dumb stick guys. Use it wisely and cover that banana with a double pancho. Girls, you’ve got other things to worry about.<br />G STRING CHRONICLEStc " G STRING CHRONICLES" <br /> Topping the worry list of a Haole Wahine is being attacked by land sharks. Some of the indigenous land sharks will not view your new 100 dollar bikini as a piece of fashion art. The moment you step away from the resort and head for that secluded beach, you are a bright glittering piece of carnivorous delight.<br /> Rape is on the rise in Hawaii. To avoid this, it’s just like decreasing your chance of getting attacked by any type of shark; safety is in the numbers. <br /> There are a number of foolish things you can do to get in trouble, but number one on the list is, wander off or go jogging in remote areas. I can remember vividly, my friend showing up back at the windsurfing enclave with nothing on but a furious face and a borrowed towel. On her jog down Baldwin Beach, a local guy tackled her, wrestled her to the sand and ripped her bikini bottoms off. She was a strong Kiwi from down under whom had managed to get away, but then the guy tried to entice her into the bushes to get her bikini back. Though it was Italian made, she was smart enough not to follow him, and her strength saved her that day. Other women have not been so lucky.<br /> One Haole girl I know who was also attacked jogs on the beach with a machete. Sharpens it up every night. So the point is, while a Haole woman may not be harassed as much or have to “beef” to get by, she may endure worse hardships by doing one thing, enjoying her freedom in nature. Plain and simple. The message here is, if you are one Haole Wahine of desirable proportions, cover up. Walk around with an oversized T-shirt or something, and try not to wander off anywhere alone, at least without the sharpest tool in the shed. And, as always, walk with a purpose, you know, like you’re going to the mall.<br /><br />BEFRIENDING LOCALStc " BEFRIENDING LOCALS" <br /> Some people who are visiting the islands don’t even want to be around their own kind. They want to experience Hawaii’s unique cultures, the exotic tastes, the melting pot of true island lifestyle. There’s nothing wrong with this, just recognize the difference between friend and foe. The best way to make local friends is through your work or organized sports. If someone just walks up to you and wants to be your friend, call for a time out.<br /> When I first got off the boat, I felt like being one with the tribe. I really wanted to fit in, and not become a typical tourista. To do this, I figured I needed to buddy up with a local dude. Now, over time, I’ve earned some nice local friends. But if a local is rushing to your side to be your friend with exhuberance, double up on the red flags.<br /> I was befriended by this character named Keone at my friend’s real cousin Tennessee’s house. It was way back in Waipahu; armpit of the islands. Keone was a surfer and a real nice guy, ready and willing to help me out in any way. First he helped me out of my camera, then my surfboard, then my wallet. Wow, and I thought Molokai was the friendly isle (Molokai is the antithesis actually).<br /> But Keone wasn’t all bad. They say Hitler wasn’t all bad. In Keone’s mind, the Haoles were welcome to stay. He would prefer not to steal from his own people, though he would in a pinch. Keone, upon seeing me, thought, “Hey, here’s a guy from Georgia. Easy fodder. Moooo. Hee-haw. I really had no idea this dude wasn’t the genuine deal. <br /> One time, I came out of my bedroom and there he was, sleeping on my couch. After he assured me he was doing me a favor by holding down the cushions, he announced that the surf was up, and did I have an extra board lying around. If not, he knew where he could “borrow” one. <br /> Keone’s cuzzin’s lived next door, some local kids who started smoking dope at the age of eight, or was it four. They were too happy to be mad at anyone, and they liked watching me try to windsurf Avalanche, and come back a bloody pulp. I went next door to ask them if they knew who took a shot at me, stole my money, etc. The one kid must have just taken a bong hit, because he walked out with forty wallets. Any of these yours? Yep. The empty one.<br /> My first thought was that they had stolen them, but they told me it was their Cousin. Which Cuz, I asked? The very same guy who has been sleeping on your couch. I did the natural thing. I called the police. Just as the police arrived, Keone drives up in a stolen car. He didn’t even have a driver’s license. I told the police, that’s our guy. The policeman told me he had no proof, just the word of a couple of stoned kids. “But what about the car? Obviously stolen!” <br /> “The car is on private property; no plates, no vin #,” the Cop said. There was nothing he could do. He had no license, so he had no address, so he could not book him. Wait a minute here. I’ve watched every episode of Hawaii 5 0 ten times, and I never heard of a plot like this!<br /> In the policeman’s very words, “I suggest you rush him.” <br /> “Do what?” <br /> “Rush him. When I leave, you rush him.” <br /> “But what about the guy who shot at me! Aren’t you going to even look into that?”<br /> “Look around you,” he said. “Do you see any other Haoles in this neighborhood? I’ll stand here and you go pack your bags, get the hell out while you can. Take your stuffs and go to Kailua with the other Haoles.”<br /> I took his advice. The kids told me not to worry. Their Uncle would take care of Keone. Keone, it seems, had stolen from his own Uncle’s pakalolo patch. The next day when I went to crash at my friend Tennessee’s in Waipahu, I saw Keone, or what looked like Keone, hobbling along the side of the road. He had gifts of fruit from his Uncle Cuzzin, what the Hawaiians call “cherries” all over his face and bruises on his body. It didn’t get me my stuff back though, and I doubt Keone learned his lesson. My lesson? Watch out for overly zealous “friends”, local or Haole.<br />PAKALOLO TRAPStc " PAKALOLO TRAPS" <br /> I once had my Hana Tour Cassettes and CD’s “Hidden Treasures Of Hana” pulled from a major store in Lahaina for warning tourists about Pakalolo field booby traps. I suppose the mere mention of the word Pakalolo might scare off innocent customers, or feed fodder to the teenagers in their parking lot smoking it, but here goes again, at the expense of having my book yanked from that store as well. You deserve ample warning... <br /> I have hiked all over the islands and tend to go off trail in search of scenery untouched. Often, I will follow what looks to be the thin trail of a wild boar, just to have something to lead me back to civilization. Many of my friends have done the same, and while no danger has ever come of it for myself, I have heard stories likewise.<br /> One dude I knew was doing some bushwhacking through the jungles of Kauai, when he came upon a giant patch of the evil bud. Curious to see if it really was what he thought, he inspected a plant, smelling it’s pungent waft. Within seconds, he had a shotgun barrel shoved halfway down his throat, which was not really his first thought of a last meal. Given the choice of a shell dinner or leaving the island pronto hot potato, he chose the latter.<br /> Many of the fields perched on terraces, lining meadows or otherwise are booby trapped. Devices such as a fishing line strung to light explosives at foot trip level make the areas unsafe to approach. Ever seen the movie, “The Beach?” Moral was, if you wander off the beaten path in search of peace and privacy, and you come upon a pakalolo patch, silently back away and walk clear around it.<br />PAKALOLO DEALERStc " PAKALOLO DEALERS" <br /> One does not need a sign alerting tourists at the airport that “Reefer is smoked here” to alert anyone’s to their senses. The second most utilized hand signal in Hawaii next to the chaka, is a thumb pressed together with the index finger perched against the lips, usually accompanied by wide eyes and puffy chest. Anyone under the age of 60 who walks the streets of Waikiki, Lahaina, Kona or likewise are familiar with the call of “Ssst Sssst. Buds?” The only place you can’t get Pakalolo is Longs Drugs. One in a million arrests are ever made here for pakalolo possession; the smoking, the growing or the selling of it.<br /> However, if you’re a tourist and you are in search of a “Taste O’ Lahaina,” you’re only asking for trouble from Mr. Sst Sst.. First, he will try to pursuade you to follow him to some secluded place. Chances are, instead of coming away with some Kona Gold (not the coffee), Molokai Madness (not the disease), or Puna Butter (not for toast), you will come away with nothing more than a packayoyo, something to spice your taco with, and possibly your ass kicked for pointing out that oregano is not cryptic. If you are going to try to buy pakalolo, even for medicinal purposes, never buy from strangers, period. Try your hotel concierge (just kidding). Until they inevitably legalize it for taxing purposes, go have a Mai-Tai instead.<br />STONED TO DEATHtc " STONED TO DEATH" <br /> One more reason to Just Say Nadas. While it may have its benefits for cancer patients and stomach disorders, Pakalolo has been issued a new alert. Besides a content of five times the cancer causing agents found in cigarettes, Hawaii’s brand is chock full of Mercury poisoning. The soil in Hawaii being volcanic, is ultra high in its content. If you thought eating the fish was bad for you, put that in your pipe and smoke it. Ever wonder why you keep losing everything? It may not be the pot to blame, but the kettle of Mercury that cooked it. Not only does it affect your ability to function, you could be up dere “jammin” wit Bob Marley soonah den you ‘tink’!<br />FALLING OFF THE HORSEtc " FALLING OFF THE HORSE" <br /> Heroin, Crack and Ice. Deadly drugs, they are kept mostly within inner darker circles, and you will probably never see it come to surface unless you really travel in deep spirals. There was that hostage incident in Kihei that involved a local guy on crack, but I used to think it was not a problem for Haoles, until a 17 year old kid Eric Diaz, one of Maui’s top surfers and whose Mom I rented a room from, died from an overdose of heroin after moving to Oahu to become a pro surfer. <br />GOOD APPLES TOOtc " GOOD APPLES TOO" <br /> A good thing happened to me down in the worst neck of the woods. I was filming a documentary of surfing legend, Woody Brown in Pakakalo. Pakakalo, not to be confused with pakalolo, is the most unwelcoming Haole mat place on Maui. Regardless, the waves are good there at times, and Woody, a surfing legend, who was pushing 90 years of age, had respect everywhere. <br /> I set up my camera and tripod on the rocky shoreline. A big set came, and Woody was sitting too far inside. I could see that he was getting pounded and in trouble. I ran and grabbed the board off my car and paddled out to make sure he was ok. Woody was pretty shaken up, and by the time I got him back on dry land, I looked over and my camera was gone.<br /> My first attempt at detective work was taken the wrong way. “Say, have you seen a Sony digital video camera with an O’Conner tripod floating around? I seem to have misplaced it.”<br /> “What, Brah. You tink I rip your camera?” <br /> “Well er, no. I um, oh never mind. Ho! Check out that wave!” I got smarter with my next approach,<br /> “Do you know who it was, the someone who rescued my camera? Do you perhaps know who it might be so I can reward them with a few hundred dollars?” Still no luck.<br /> I plastered a description of the camera offering a hefty reward everywhere fine people loiter.<br /> Two days later, I got a call. It was from some guy named White Moon Bird or something, a modern day Kahuna. He was some spiritual healer, and he said to give him a couple of days and he would have my camera back. <br /> Sure enough, he called and I got my camera back, probably the only stolen goods in Pakakalo to ever be recovered. I tried to give the Kahuna a big reward, but he said he would be rewarded in other ways. Now that’s a good apple. That’s aloha.<br />For the best websites on current news stories revealing the true grit of Hawaii, go to:<br /> (oahu, state)<br /> (um, maui)<br /> (kawaiiii)<br /> (kona side big island)<br /> (hilo side big island)<br />tc " " <br />tc " " <br />tc " " <br />tc " " <br />tc " " <br />tc " " <br />ADVENTURE SPORTS PHOTOGRAPHY<br /> Capturing fast moving sports in the grips of elemental nature is a sport unto itself, especially in the realm of the ocean. Since modern times, Hawaii has been center stage for many adventure sports, and will continue to be as long as the ocean is blue.<br />AMATEUR DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPHY<br /> You don’t have to be a professional to take great images of nature scenics and adventure sports in Hawaii. Of course, shooting fast moving sports can be challenging on a budget, but if you are just trying to share some photos or video with your friends and family, or throw a few pictures up on your wall, there’s a lot you can do with even the smallest of consumer digital cameras. I’ll tell you budding pro’s a few of my tips later in this chapter, but first something for the common camera warrior. <br /> If I’m traveling somewhere for a purpose other than to shoot stills for a publication,<br />I tend to leave my big tools at home. Not many people like to be tortured by home videos, so I don’t even own a small video camera. What I do have is a nice little Canon Elf. By the time this gets published, who knows what Elf number they will be on: the 400, 500, 600, 700…? I still like the 400, because while the larger ones sport more megapixels and larger screens, the 400 I can put unobtrusively in my pocket, like a little Elf. For me, 5 megapixels is enough.<br /> Now, I’m not getting any endorsements from Canon here, it’s just that they lock in and take the picture quicker and processes the image faster than any other brand I’ve tried. That’s important for sports photography, or even shooting your dog running around like crazy with the kids. <br /> With these small digitals, as automatic as they can be, there is still a lot left up to the nut behind the camera. Composition and lighting aside, if you can put the crux of a photo aside, there are still some tricks you need up your short sleeve to get the focus and exposure correct.<br /> In lower light situations with flash, throwing everything on automatic can actually work sometimes better than the manual settings. I’m not sure why; I guess the little Elf takes over. In other situations, manual or some other specific setting might be better. It’s not film, so if one doesn’t work, just erase and try the other. <br /> The first trick of course is to hold the button halfway down, either on your subject, or at times, on a median area of exposure if it’s a scenic. That’s the problem with these cameras, they kind of average it all out, and sometimes that leaves your subject in the dark, or too bright. I just kind of fish around until the scene looks correctly exposed. You can always dig into other settings and adjust the +/- exposure if focus is lost by the fishing method, but 90% of the time, fly fishing works, and that’s what these cameras are all about.<br /> The main reason I switch to manual is for flash filling my subject. Keep in mind, you have to be the right distance from your subject for the little flash to do any good. Other times I want the subject really close, in which case I will turn the flash off so I don’t blow it out.<br /> My favorite little setting is the macro. This is an amazing feature these little cameras have, the ability to blow up little bugs to gargantuan size, without even a change of the lens. Of course, turn the flash off.<br /> Now we get back to the hardest thing there is to shoot, action. Here’s where the halfway button is in the house. The trick here is to lock into your subject before they get to the point where you want to fire the trigger, and turn your flash off. Sure, the flash my make it a better lit shot, but the action will have already passed. When I really need the flash, I just anticipate by a second and hope for the best. My kids don’t mind jumping off the boat one more time.<br /> There are some options for water housings for these little cameras. I would go for the hard plastic ones rather than the bag variety. Don’t get the weight Canon tries to sell you; you won’t need it.<br /> The last thing I should tell you about these cameras, or any camera, is never to leave them in the car. Thief, Baggins! If you do, hide them well.<br /> <br />CONSUMER/PROSUMER VIDEO<br /> <br /> There are so many consumer video cameras on this everchanging market, it would be equally hard to recommend what brand or model you should get. If it’s just something for the family and friends, get the cheapest smallest camera out there, period. Things evolve quickly in the video world. First it was VHS, the Mini-DV, DV-Cam, internal hard drive recording and direct to DVD. Certainly, now everyone wants HD for their HDTV. You can now get a camera that does not use tape. Instead it comes with its own built-in hard drive, available in 30+ GB sizes. Sure, that means you can record for hours on end, but how do you store all this footage? Hard drives fail, and by transferring to or directly recording in camera to DVD, we are putting our memories on a shaky medium at best. DVD’s have not been around long enough for us to know their true lifeline. Sometimes, technology fails us, and sticking with mini-tapes or better yet, DVCam tapes, and transferring them every ten years at most to another tape will save those memories from becoming error-7176.<br /> But let’s say you are on the prosumer level, meaning you want to make some DVD’s of your friends Kiteboarding, maybe get something so rad you might air it up there on something like Rush HD. Should you get Tape, P2 or SxS Pro Flash Memory cards? <br /> In my world, Sony has always ruled. Canon has some nice lenses but body wise, has always been right behind. Panasonic always comes up with something cool, like cameras sporting the P2 cards. Then Sony blows them away with the SxS Pro Flash cards, cards that cost significantly less. And no, I’m not getting paid by Sony, either. I figured you bought this book to get the low down, not the runaround.<br /> I could go into lots of details that might get outdated by technology, but it would be somewhat of a safe guideline to say, before the pages of this book curl to dust, that chip size will always determine the price and performance of the camera. The bigger the chip, the better the camera handles low light situations. Then there is the medium it is recorded to. DVC Pro will grab your dough and be a bit higher than the prosumer needs, DVCam will be more solid than mini-dv, and the P2 and SxS Pro flash cards are going to be at the high end, but within reach for someone getting serious about quality. Then there is color space (4:2:2 beats 4:2:0 anyday) and variable speed features (slo-mo, fast-m, gotta have it for sports) that are a must have for adventure sports taping. <br /> Let’s just say that the production values expected for that documentary on your buds hurtling down the mountain may never make it to Bravo, because most networks will not take DVCam anymore or any footage from HDV that has color space of 4:2:0 because it doesn’t match the production values of the big ticket cameras (35,000-100,000 range), and only take 25% of footage from the Panasonic P2, or the Sony PMW-EX1 XDCAM. But if you’re just making low market DVD’s or uploading to youtube, you can get away with just about anything. <br /> There are some drawbacks to having these cool features. The big one is price. By the time you add it all up, you are in the pro video market. Then there is the editing. You will need new decks, monitors, storage devices… okay, sell your car and walk the camera to the beach.<br />RIGHT PLACE, RIGHT TIME<br /> Why is adventure sports photography the most challenging of all photographic pursuits? Timing. First off, the weather elements have to be in place. Whether it be natural lighting, surf, wind, water clarity, or all of the above, they even have to come together at the perfect angle for even a shot at success. Of course, you, the human element toting the camera, has to be in the right place at the right time as well, unless you are operating the camera remotely.<br /> The worst part about being a photographer, or the best to some, is that the early bird gets the worm. Rise and shine my Dad always said, for you are long gone and perhaps swimming in some hard to get to location way before the normals get up and out of bed. They’ll be done with dinner and wiping desert off their face as well, as you drag your raggedy tail home. In other words, they’ll have missed the most fascinating light of day; the sunrise, the sunset - the well-defined light.<br /> My favorite time to shoot the ocean is usually in the morning, as the frontal morning light brings the bluest water. That was always a problem for my windsurfing imagery, as the wind comes up in the afternoon, when North Shore subjects are backlit. Then it dies before that killer sunset light. Surf photographers are at a huge advantage on this one. <br /> But lets talk about what we can control, and that is the positioning of our camera to the best advantage, with the right gear of course. <br />Long Lens Land Photography<br /> The easiest way to pick off a bit of sports action is to get a really long lens, perhaps a 600 with a doubler attached if there is enough light. The advantage is that you get large volumes of really sharp shots with the background in soft focus, for the least amount of effort. The disadvantage to this is that there will most likely be elbow to elbow with a host of other photographers, taking the same shot, same angle as you are. <br />Wide Angles<br /> Wide angle lenses make for some unique shots, but you really have to be in tight with your subject. Climbing photos, mountain biking, and other land sports attract wide angle lens artistry, with the emphasis being on utilizing angles, and getting in really tight with your subject. This can mean your participation in the sport, which brings us to our next topic…<br />POV<br /> Point Of View photography is chosen more and more by editors of magazines these days as the imagery is so captivating and unique. POV cameras utilize wide angle lenses on mast mounts, board mounts, helmet mounts, boom mounts, it all amounts to a lot of work and a lot of destroyed equipment, all in the of a few incredible images.<br />Flash Fill<br /> One way to shoot effectively in backlit situations is to use a flash. Unless your final results aim to be silhouetted, a good flash can be the most important piece of equipment you own. This can be quite the challenge in surf photography. <br /> To get a flashy surf shot, you will most likely need a custom housing, or make your own. It can be cumbersome to swim something like this around. I’ve seen some shots taken by long lens shore photographers where they employ someone swimming in the surf at dusk with a “slaved” remote flash. That’s what friends are for.<br />Fish eyes<br /> Fish eye lenses make for some unique imagery, but the amount of body distortion involved can be freaky, and you wouldn’t’ want to use it for your entire portfolio.<br />Surf Photography<br /> With surf photography, be it surfing, Kiteboarding or windsurfing, you really do have to be in the right place at the right time, or should I say in the wrong place. <br /> Drew Kampion, past editor of both Surfer and Windsurfer Magazines, summed up my work best by saying that I placed myself squarely between the hammer and the anvil of the Impact Zone. If the wave wasn’t about to squarely knock the snot out of me, I wasn’t going to get a crux shot. I always remember my best shots by what happened right after them.<br /> So obviously, to be a surf photographer, you have to be an above average swimmer. Sure, you have fins on, but that is offset by the fact that you are lugging around a camera instead of using your arms. You have to be quick to focus amidst spray and water bombs, and, you need to be able to hold your breath. <br /> You also need to keep the water off of your lens, which is the hardest part. Some guys use a special red wax, but for me, a little wax behind the ears, or just to the side of my nose works best. Just rub it on the water housing port and watch the water roll right off. If there is a lot of spray, I will do the opposite and spit on the lens to keep it wet at all time, with as . I have some nice video footage lying around somewhere of me licking the lens. 968,000 hits on youtube.<br /> I always found it better to have a fixed 85 (fixed lenses are sharper but not as action worthy) or a zoom lens, say or 35-135, than a wide angle. I’ve taken some fantastic shots with the wide angle, but I would have to wait all day for the subject to get close enough to me. Which brings me to another subject…<br />Working With Talent<br /> Firing off photos from shore is one thing, but lining up that perfect moment of rider, photographer and elements, all clashing together with dynamic perspective is where the sport in water photography shines. It requires excellent and often blind coordination between talent and photographer to get even make a decent stab at a good shot. Mother nature and a bit of luck determine greatness.<br /> Some of my best shots were not with the greatest riders. For instance, take Mike Eskimo, who was the subject in my “Sports Photo Of The Year”. Mike is a fine windsurfer, but never really made his mark on the pro circuit. Yet, while the other pro guys are riding for the best ride they can get, Mike is working the part of the wave closest to a photographer, sporting some outfit or gimmick (he even did a loop dunk with a basketball in hand right over me one time). That’s why he was always getting prime exposure on the cover and spreads of magazines, even Sports Illustrated. He worked it.<br /> One time this rookie windsurfer came up to me on the beach and asked if I had taken his picture. Back in the days of film, I really only had enough film in my camera for pros like Robby Naish, and would suggest to the many windsurfing pro wannabes to work with one of the other budding photographers. He never came close enough for me to even see who he was anyway, so how could I have taken his picture? Well, the kid practiced like a maniac, and within a couple of years won the Aloha Classic. His name is Dave Kalama. I did get him a couple of cover shots later on. He probably should have told me he only poses in mid air for pro cameramen like Erik Aeder.<br />UNDERWATER PHOTOGRAPHY<br /> Like surf photography, before you put a camera in your hand, you have to be comfortable underwater. You don’t want the reef to knock the regulator out of your mouth while adjusting your f stop. Before you get focused with your camera, make certain you are focused with your gear and surroundings. Most importantly, buddy up.<br /> I shoot a lot more people underwater than fish on corporate dive gigs, and am more guilty than most anyone of diving alone. I can also take off my tank 30meters down and float to the surface without kicking the bucket. That doesn’t mean it’s right, but that’s my job sometimes. <br /> Nikon makes the best gear for underwater shooting, flippers down. For years the Nikonos line of cameras have ruled, yet now it is typical to take a digital camera, like the Nikon D3 or newer model, in a housing. Most importantly, that housing does not leak. For video, a Sony in water housing rules. Make sure you have an underwater filter engaged when underwater, and not when shooting on top.<br /> Of course, you don’t have to worry about water spots underwater, unless you are getting some shots of divers jumping off the boat. The biggest thing you have to watch out for is smudge on the inside of your lens port, or bubbles forming from your regulator on the outside of the port. Serious underwater guys use special regulators that blow bubbles out the back.<br /> A flash for stills underwater below 3m is paramount to getting a good shot, as well as the aiming, focus and intensity of that flash.<br />Aerial Photography<br /> One of the most awe inspiring angles in photography comes from the birds eye. With the right pilot, you can get some award winning shots. My personal award winning shot was a bit of a fluke. I was actually shooting some movie footage when my camera jammed. Luckily, I brought my still camera along with a 200 telephoto, whipped it out of the bag and took one shot before telling the pilot to head back to the heliport. Mike Eskimo, there he was again, was right below the helicopter. People always ask me how I took the shot. I was hanging out of the helicopter by two toes.<br /> I no longer take part in aerial photography. After one failed engine resulting in a lucky autorotation to a safe skid landing, to another experience in a helicopter being clipped by a wave and spun out of control, to doing a doughnut in the sky and slamming into the ocean reef and nearly drowning, I’ve given up the angle before I joined the likes of the many great photogs who have gone down in flight. <br /> Aerial photography is still the easiest way to situate oneself at the perfect angle with the vast expanse of earth beneath you. Most important is the pilot you choose, as he or she is the key to putting you in the right position for that sizzling shot. Look for the most experience pilot you can get.<br /> With video, you will need a gyro zoom to get a really smooth shot. There are some budget workarounds, but there is nothing better than a big budget. You will need one to just get in the bird. Best of luck to you.<br />Land Photography<br /> For the other adventure sports such as biking, triathlon, hiking, even scenic shots, angles, weather and light still play an important role in your photography. A little bit of atmosphere never hurts, either. The Japanese magazines and agencies often told me that they would much rather see some clouds in the photo than a bright, blue sky. The ultimate background for them, and I’m sure photo buyers worldwide, prefer as well to see little puffy happy white clouds.<br /> <br /> In summary, it is my belief that you have to master any sport before you can be a great photographer of that sport. The more you involve yourself in the action, the more incredible your imagery will become. <br />tc " " <br />THE CHAPTER: SURVIVING DA BUGGAStc " THE CHAPTER: SURVIVING DA BUGGAS" <br />DAMN THE MOSQUITOEStc " DAMN THE MOSQUITOES" <br /> Even the greatest beast of the islands, the pacific tiger shark, has not instilled so much panic in Hawaii as the smallest insect, Aedes albopictus, the asian tiger mosquito. Why god put this insect on the planet in the first place is a theological study in itself, but how it got to Hawaii, is a whole ‘nother kettle o’ fish.<br /> As legend has it, the mosquito was first introduced to Hawaii in 1826 by the whaling ship, Wellington. These mosquitoes were dumped ashore as the sailors rinsed out fish barrels. Back in the day, some of these insects carried avian malaria and pox, diseases Hawaii’s native birds were not genetically equipped to cope with. An epidemic began amongst the nonresistant native birds, nearly killing off the entire Hawaiian native bird population. (Similarly, the European settlers’ arrival also brought human diseases - pneumonia, smallpox, syphilis, and others - that knocked the Polynesian population from millions down to below 195,000 by the early 1800s).<br /> Certainly a nuisance for time eternal, it wasn’t until 2001 that these mosquitoes really caused a panic. Dengue Fever came to Maui in 2002, and caused a stranglehold on the island’s rainforest tourism economy. Still, the 119 cases on Maui and Oahu were nothing compared to the 40,000 cases in Tahiti. <br /> Generally, those contacting the disease are sick for approximately seven days and the classic symptoms are:<br />* Sudden onset of high fever<br />* Rash<br />* Fatigue<br />* Pain behind the eyes and severe headaches<br />* Joint muscle aches<br /> Because of the many serious insect-borne infectious diseases for which there is no medicine or vaccine, like the West Nile Virus (which would ruin Hawaii for good if it ever makes it there), and the mere fact that itching is no fun, it is essential for those who travel to infected areas to protect themselves. Signs on the famous “Road to Hana” in Eastern Maui, where dengue broke out most heavily, urge travelers to use repellant before entering the area.<br /> Repellants that contain Deet are the most effective. There is also a chemical called Permethrin, which repels mosquitoes. You soak it in your clothes and it lasts for months through multiple washings. The combination of Deet and Permethrin is the most effective prevention against insect bites.<br /> But it doesn’t always work. Nor do those mosquito “radar” gadgets they sell on the internet. Here’s what residents can do to keep safe:<br />• Find sources of standing water and empty or remove them. Examples of where mosquitoes breed include roof gutters, plastic containers, buckets, used tires, flower pots and cans.<br />• Empty and clean pet watering containers at least once a week.<br />• Remove discarded bulky items that may collect water, including abandoned cars, boats and sheds.<br />• Empty and scour flower vases at least once a week.<br />• Check screen doors and windows, and repair them if there are holes or tears.<br />• Plants that collect water should be sprayed weekly with a garden insecticide.<br />• Wear long-sleeved shirts and long pants to limit exposure to mosquitoes.<br />• Use indoor insecticides and repellents if mosquitoes are in the home.<br />• Apply effective repellents on exposed skin and clothing when mosquito exposure is unavoidable.<br />• If a home has a water catchment tank, be sure it is “mosquito proof.”<br />• If appropriate, use air conditioners when indoors.<br />DENGUE FEVERtc " DENGUE FEVER" <br />• Virus transferred by mosquitoes<br />• Also called breakbone fever<br />• Symptoms: Sudden onset of fever, severe headache, eye pain, chills, body and joint pains, nausea/vomiting, transient rashes<br />• Occasionally produces shock and hemorrhage, leading to death<br />• Fatality rate: 5 percent<br /> A few adults and some children have bad reactions to DEET. Children are more prone to be allergic. If it causes a reaction, just wash it off. The American Academy of Pediatrics currently recommends* that children use DEET in concentrations not exceeding 30%. Do not apply repellent to the hands or faces of young children. After the child is no longer exposed to mosquitoes, treated skin should be washed with soap and water.<br />For aerosol and pump spray products: Do not spray in enclosed areas. To apply to face, spray on hands first and then rub on face. Do not spray directly onto face.<br /> The best way to avoid mosquitoes is to protect yourself with lots of impenetrable clothing. The best investment you can make for sleeping is a fine mosquito net, but bear in mind that once one gets in it will not be able to get out. For this, there is the bait and trap method.<br /> The bait and trap method involves a quick slight of hand. You can never whack a fully awake mosquito. They are fully awake at night, whereas in the morning, if you’re quick, you can zero in. But at night, it takes more cunning. Take a sheet or large shirt, put it above your head with arms stretched outward. When the mosquito lands on your face, smother it with one fell swoop. Works one time out of twenty.<br /> Mosquitoes tend to live near stagnant or slow running bodies of water. Therefore, it makes sense that if you live in the rainforest, typically the windward side of any island in Hawaii, you are chomping at the bit to get munched. Some of the most beautiful family of flowers in Hawaii is the heliconia, red ginger, the sexy pink, and just about any brackish flower that holds water. Herein, mosquitoes breed. If you want to avoid mosquitoes, cut down any plants like this around your house and they will soon go to your neighbors. Call it a house swarming gift.<br /> You may also see what looks like a giant mosquito. This is not a mosquito, and though slow as molasses and easy to swat, it should be spared, as this is a sacred mosquito eater. <br />COCKROACHEStc " COCKROACHES" <br /> Did you know that there are 500 species of cockroaches, and Hawaii is home to most of them? If people were cockroaches, Hawaii would be equivalent to China. Just open your drawer and there’s Shanghai. <br /> The peskiest of all these breeds is the flying cockroach. If you tend to drink a lot of beer like one of my roommates often did (Budweiser - the Prozac of paradise), you may find yourself with beer in hand and mouth agape. This, unfortunately, looks precisely like home to a flying cockroach. It’s really quite funny to watch until you laugh so hard that yep, here comes lunch for you. <br /> The best way to attract cockroaches is to put off doing the dishes. Leave breadcrumbs on the counter. Drop crap on the floor. They really like cardboard boxes as well, the damper the better. Your clothes make a nice home for them, especially if stacked, so you might want to hang them up, where the moths can eat them. You can try a plastic bag, but make it a thick one, as they will gladly eat through that as well. Not too thick, or the mold will set in.<br /> Cockroaches have destroyed more stuff of mine than any other natural disaster. Had I been forewarned, or exercised some common sense, I would have put my precious portfolio of published photos in, sealed inside of airtight plastic containers. I photographed a pictorial for Playboy once, and when the cockroaches got done with the girls of windsurfing naked university, there was not much excitement to the essay left.<br /> The second biggest cockroach disaster was my prized speaker cones. I had dragged these huge speakers around with me from place to place that I used to use when I showed my films at parties. It wasn’t long before they blared out distortions that made my Zztop sound like low rider rap music. The little buddies had entered the ‘breathing’ space between the covers and eaten away the foam circle that supports the cones. They absolutely love the stuff, so make sure your speakers are well covered. <br /> Do not leave anything in a cardboard box. When you move, which unless you own a house you will do repeatedly in Hawaii, get your stuff in and out of the boxes as quickly as possible. The boxes will also attract mold and other pleasantries to ruin their contents. I used to move so much, I would just leave stuff in boxes, and eventually, I had quite a collection of cockroaches and their droppings, and occasionally our next friend, the rat. <br /> Worst possible cockroach scenario? Besides the Indiana Jones scene, I’ve heard of cockroaches crawling into people’s ears as they sleep, crawling into their brains and rendering them insane. <br />THE RATtc " THE RAT" <br />“There’s a rat in the kitchen, what am I gonna do? I’m gonna get that rat, that’s what I’m gonna do!” UB40<br /> I’m not sure how rats got to Hawaii, but you’ve got to guess they were stowaways on ships. By leaps and bounds, they made their way into every attic, under beds, in boxes, and even kitchen drawers. One time, a rat even managed to crawl into our freezer, and what I thought was a mutant frozen banana turned out to be Tom, or was it Jerry.<br /> A rat’s favorite place is the oven. It must be something about the warmth, which makes them want to pee. So if you’re visiting someone for Thanksgiving dinner, and the Turkey has an odd flavor to it, guaranteed the oven has not been cleaned for a while. Those little black booger-looking things are not cheese droppings, nor stuffing. I shat thee not.<br /> One morning, I woke up, opened my eyes, and there sitting on my chest was a rat the size of a Chihuahua. It just sat there and looked at me, as if it were waiting for a crumb stuck between my teeth. Perhaps it was casting for a commercial (Yo Quiero!), or even a movie, which it later won an Oscar for. <br /> My house in Haiku had a special construction of slats in the bottom floor’s ceiling. I could watch the rats play soccer, chase each other in and out of slats, hanging occasionally and pulling themselves back up in quite an acrobatic way. They never bit me, nor fought for my food, but they sure made hell of my Thanksgiving Dinner. <br /> My guests would say, “Gee, what’s that spice? Rat-her unusual. I absolutely must get your recipe!” <br /> “Um, oh, that’s just baked in rat piss. I heard that what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. Yams anyone?” A wonder nobody drops by for dinner anymore.<br /> It’s obvious how to get rid of rats. Rat poison. Rat traps. But they just keep on coming. You might kill your pets off with the poison, and lose a fingernail in the trap, but in the end, the rats rule. There’s just no stopping progress. Or is there?<br /> The one certain way to prevent rats from coming into your house is to search for openings, holes in the walls, under sinks where the plumbing goes outside, etc. You will still have rats. The only sure-fire way I know of in rat prevention world is to get a couple of cats, albeit not the nice Persian kind at the pet store. Those kind just get their ass kicked. Go to the pound and get some real ratters. Get at least two so they can corner the rats. We got 50, just to make sure. Then our problem became cats, instead of rats.<br />GECCO’Stc " GECCO’S" <br /> <br /> The most storied among critters of the islands, and commercially achieved, is the moonlight Gecco. It’s that strange lizard looking critter making all that clicking noise in the middle of our best dreams. Just as Bo comes running down the beach, (or Brad Pitt if you’re a girl, sorry), “CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK!” goes the Gecco. <br /> Gecco’s are such cute little creatures, you don’t dare harm one, or even put them out, until they ruin your clothes with chalky stink bombs and completely poop your house to smithereens. Perhaps the next children’s book on Geccos should start out with: “There once was a sweet little gecco, who sang a sweet song above my bed. I wanted to reach up, pet him and kiss him, but he pooped on my head instead.”<br /> You may wear a Gecco on you shrit, or you may wear Gecco on your shirt. Wake up and smell the Caca.<br />CENTIPEDEStc " CENTIPEDES" <br />“Hey, Mr. Centipede, why you always lookin’ up at me?” <br />Kenny Loggins “In Lahaina”<br /> Centipedes top my list of evil perpetrators in Hawaii. I’d rather swim with jellyfish than sleep with centipedes. At least I’m pretty certain a jellyfish will not bite me on the ass. You see, centipedes are heat seeking little missiles. If they could fly, they’d likely take the red eye.<br /> Centipedes can attain sizes of over one foot in length! Their bite leaves two tiny red marks and causes redness and swelling. Severe pain, swelling, and inflammation may follow, and there may be headache, dizziness, vomiting, irregular pulse, muscle spasm, and swollen lymph nodes. No long-term effects are usually seen. Treat discomfort with acetaminophen, cool packs, and elevation of the affected limb to heart level.<br /> Mr. Centipede also likes the armpit. One night I was sleeping on a bed, which my mistake, was set upon the floor. I was dreaming that I had a boat was attached to a dock with a rope, and no matter how hard I pulled at it, it wouldn’t come off the cleat. Slowly I started to wake, realizing that the rope had little legs, about a hundred of them, and the cleat was my armpit. As soon as I had broken the conscious plane, I yanked as hard as I could and flew the creature across the dark room. Quickly, I turned on the light and searched for the culprit, but to no avail. After a long search, I went back to sleep. Same dream, other armpit, but at least I had achieved some balance to my pain.<br /> What does a centipede bite feel like? Nothing much at first. Then the stinging sensation sets in, like Novocain, until you are fully drenched in pain. You get used to it after awhile, and then you think, hey, that wasn’t so bad. A day later it starts to itch, then blister, then itch, and welt then itch some more. With a sting on both armpits, I couldn’t help but look like Marcello the monkey.<br /> My friend, Joe Cool, the unofficial Mayor of Paia, gave me his sure-fire way of keeping centipedes out of his bed. Place your bedposts in buckets of water, and the centipedes won’t swim across. Imagine; a hundred legs and they can’t even synchronize their swim. There is nothing to stop them from climbing the rafters and dropping down on your head though. <br /> Some Hawaiians say that it is bad karma to kill a centipede (or a shark, because they are ‘Amakua’, or Cuzzins). I think they will bite you back, regardless.<br />SPIDERStc " SPIDERS" <br /> Straight from Ripley’s chronicles... One day, Hawaii’s Ag heads got together and figured out a way to solve the crop insect problem. They dropped thousands of spiders from helicopters on the towns, and soon there was a web stretching from Honolulu to Hanalei. The spiders did not eat many insects, but they feasted on a good amount of flesh.<br /> Cane spiders are the big ugly ones that look pretty treacherous, but in the end, they really do nothing more than get the ladies up on top of the ceiling. It’s the little jumping spiders, round and spikey looking things that bite. They leave a round mark like a vaccination, and it too itches like hell. More than anything, spiders just make a mess out of everything. The only way to keep spiders out is again, to seal your house tight. Any holes in the screens, or gaps where they fit on, are open house to a spider.<br />TERMITEStc " TERMITES" <br /> Speaking of open house, if you ever have enough money to actually buy one, the first thing you want to do before you sign the papers is to have it inspected for termites. I’ve seen houses gnawed to the ground in a matter of three years. The first sign you will have, especially if you are in an old plantation house, is their droppings. It looks like little wood shaving dust, tiny balls of brown crap mixed with the actual wood they are gnawing on. Second sign is the little brown transparent wings lying around. <br /> There are several ways to treat termites. One is to heat treat or electrify the specific area they have inhabited. Second is to chemically spot treat them. Third, tent the whole house. When driving around Hawaii, you will see several houses tented. There is not a circus going on inside, at least not for people. Don’t poke your head in or claim it as your camping spot for the night.<br /> I had a friend named um, Bob. Bob was a nice guy; he just had a real hard time getting women. Perhaps it was the skull tattoo or the grim reaper. But Bob cleaned up his act and wore long sleeves. Anyway, Bob found a girlfriend at church, someone who would accept him for who he was - a really nice guy with great intentions. Regardless, he went to church everyday and won this girl over. Well, the girl had termites, and cockroaches, and spiders (and no wonder she liked Bob) so Bob tried to smoke them out with a chemical bomb. He shut the window tight, set a chemical insecticide bomb in every room, and dashed out of the house. Boy was he going to win this woman over. Only Bob forgot one thing, and that was to put the cat out. So much for Bob’s intentions, and his girlfriend.<br />UKU’Stc " UKU’S" <br /> If the high cost of living in paradise doesn’t get under your skin, the Uku’s will.<br /> Hawaii has a lot of special songs written and inspired by the islands. From “Tiny Bubbles” to “Huki Huki Hukilau”. But one of my favorites has always been a rather obscure one called “Russell’s Got the Uku’s!” It’s a witty ditty about a boy in school who has Uku’s, the little barely discernible creatures known commonly as Head Lice. They feel like they are crawling inside of your skin, like some bad science fiction movie, only it’s not fiction, it’s your skin.<br /> Ukus are transferable only from human to human or human stuff like couches, sheets, clothing, etc. They don’t jump like Fleas, but somehow make it from kid to kid and then grown-up to grown-up. You may think you have dandruff or psoriasis, but the head and shoulders won’t work here either.<br /> I hear that there are strains of Uku’s that are RID resistant, just like government sprayed DDT created DDT resistant mosquitoes, and if the government didn’t shift the blame to the folks over on the West Nile, people might be suing our government for the real cause of the West Nile Virus, but this is not a book about conspiracy. Knock Knock. “Who’s there?” “FBI, open up! Hand over the Mosquito Microfiche!” <br /> To get rid of Uku’s you need to douse your scalp with a product like RID and wash every fabric in your house. I’m not endorsing one product over another; it’s just the only one I’ve used. Heck, something’s crawling on my skin right now, and I can’t see what it is. An apparent case of Psychosonomo’uku’itis.<br />BEES, WASPS & FIRE ANTStc " BEES, WASPS & FIRE ANTS" <br /> Bees are the hardest working organism in Hawaii. It may be true that in it’s short life of four to six weeks, a bee puts in more work hours than most surfers do in a couple of years. Wasps work less, but sting more. Fire ants have nothing to do with fire or relatives of fire dancers, except for when setting fire to your skin. “Auntie, Auwe!”<br /> Nearly everyone has been stung by an insect at one time or another. It is an unpleasant experience that people hope not to repeat, but for the most part the damage inflicted is only temporary pain. Only a very limited portion of the population (one to two people out of 1,000) is allergic or hypersensitive to bee or wasp stings. <br /> Bees fly all over Hawaii, foraging on the plethora of petunias, hibiscus and forget me nots. Often they are found dead in multitudes on the beach along windward shores, and when people step on them, their sting is still very much alive. Wasps are found mainly around dwellings, and pay little rent. They are usually mild mannered until disturbed. While regular household ants can be a nuisance, the fire ant can turn your pineapple picnic upside down.<br /> The stinger of a bee is a modified egg-laying apparatus, so only wahines can sting. Most hymenopterans, or stinger bees, live solitary lives and their behavior is more likely to be flight than fight. Social hymenopterans, including yellowjackets, bumble bees, honey bees, and fire ants, have individuals in the colony whose task it is to defend the nest. If the nest is disturbed, these individuals will defend it vigorously. In addition, foraging members of the colony will also sting if they are disturbed or injured as they go about their activities. Some, such as the yellowjacket, are much more liable to attack than others.<br />Avoiding Stings<br /> Bees and wasps can be attracted to, or may react to, odors in the environment. It is best not to use perfume, cologne, or scented soaps if you are going into an area of bee and/or wasp activity. Unless someone accidentally collides quite hard with or swats at a bee or wasp, it is not likely to sting. Avoid going barefoot in vegetation, especially clover and blooming ground covers. Also avoid wearing brightly colored or patterned clothing. If you remain calm when a bee or wasp lands on your skin to inspect a smell or to get water if you are sweating heavily, the insect will eventually leave of its own accord. If you don’t want to wait for it to leave, gently and slowly brush it away with a piece of paper. When swimming in pools, watch out for bees or wasps trapped on the surface of the water. If you find bees or wasps in the water, it is best to remove them to avoid being stung.<br />Multiple Stings<br /> Occasionally, a person becomes involved in a situation where he or she is stung many times before being able to flee from the nesting site. Depending on the number of stings, the person may just hurt a lot, feel a little sick, or feel very sick. Humans can be killed if stung enough times in a single incident. With honey bees the toxic dose (LD50) of the venom is estimated to be 8.6 stings per pound of body weight. Obviously, children are at a greater risk than adults. In fact, an otherwise healthy adult would have to be stung over 1,000 times to be in risk of death. Most deaths caused by multiple stings have occurred in men in their 70s or 80s who were known to have poor cardiopulmonary functioning.<br />Allergies<br /> A small percentage of the population is allergic to wasp or bee stings. If you suspect that you or a family member might be allergic or is developing an allergy, go to a physician or allergist for testing. Allergic reactions to bee and wasp stings can develop anywhere on the body and may include non-life-threatening reactions such as hives, swelling, nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramps, and headaches. Life-threatening reactions such as shock, dizziness, unconsciousness, difficulty in breathing, and laryngeal blockage resulting from swelling in the throat require immediate medical care. Symptoms can begin immediately following the sting or up to 30 minutes later and may last for hours.<br /> In allergic persons, venom circulating in the body combines with antibodies that are associated with mast cells resting on vital organs. The mast cells release histamine and other biologically active substances. This results in a leakage of fluid out of the blood and into the body tissues. Blood pressure drops dangerously low and fluid builds up in the lungs. If this response is not reversed within a short time, the patient may die of anaphylactic shock. The number? 911.<br /> <br />THE CHAPTER: SURVIVING SEA CREATURES.<br />SHARK ATTACKtc " SHARK ATTACK" <br /> Some citizen’s of the sea, usually scientist’s who never get out of the boat, think that Sharks, the denizens of the deep, get a bum rap for the few people that they have wrangled. They say that of the hundreds of shark species swimming beneath your feet, only about 20 species are known to attack. That, by George, is enough for me. <br /> The most dangerous shark in the world is the Great White shark, which rarely ever visits Hawaii as it favors the tougher Aussie meat. The most feared shark in the islands is the Tiger shark, and rightfully so. Tigers account for 90% of shark attacks in Hawaii, and one in Las Vegas. Other sharks known to have attacked man include the Hammerhead, the Mako, Gray, Blue, Lemon, Sand, Nurse, Bull, and Oceanic White Tip sharks. Of the least dangerous are the sharks most common to Hawaii, the common white tip reef shark. Still, consider any shark longer than 1 meter dangerous.<br /> Being a surfer, windsurfer and surf photographer, I don’t doubt the theory that a lot more sharks than I’ve seen have had their eyes on me. For every shark you spy, thousands have been checking you out. Their hyper-sensory alerts we are within a mile of striking distance, yet for the most part, they are more afraid of us. For all the fear some people factor in sheer terror of sharks, it would be better spent in the trepidation, the horror... the freaky attack of Coconuts.<br /> Yes, it’s back to this who-ha scrimshaw about coconuts killing ten times as many people as sharks. Do coconuts kill ten times as many people as sharks, or fifteen? When I’m sitting in the lineup, and a fin heads straight my way, beady eyes locked onto my soul, I would really rather take my chances dodging a coconut. <br />Dear Dr. Conkenstein:<br /> During a recent ABC television report about how infrequent shark attacks really are, we were told, “Each year coconuts falling from trees kill 150 people.” That sounded absurd to me. Could it be true? If so, what is the cause of death? -Johnny Dangerous <br />Dear Johnny:<br /> Professor Dungeness, winner of the Pulitzer prize for his research on coconuts vs. shark attacks, explains that “incidences of shark attacks last summer and in recent years have exactly mirrored the number of people, particularly surfers, who were in the water. His data showed that more attacks occur between the hours of 11 a.m. and 7 p.m. even though sharks are more likely to frequent shallow waters from dusk to dawn when their main prey - small fish - are more abundant.”<br /> Added Dungeness, “Other data showed that shark attacks in general dropped between the hours of 12 and 2 p.m.” Does this mean that sharks suddenly stop feeding between 12 and 2? Is there some sort of Kapu put on people during these sacred hours?” I had to ask.<br /> “No - it’s really a result of human feeding behavior. This is when people return to their condos to get lunch,” Dungeness said, explaining there are generally less people in the water at these times.” For this, Dungeness gets a Pulitzer Prize. - Doc Conk<br /> I’ve been windsurfing since I was fifteen, one of the first to climb aboard. Windsurfing as a surf sport was in its infancy when I came to Hawaii, and the board I had fashioned out of foam looked more like a spaceship than anything that could ride waves. Still, it was far more advanced than the big hunks of plastic most were still riding in this prehistoric dinoboard era. A shark would eat anything, my new friend Kimo reminded me. Now what was the chance that my first time in Hawaiian waters, I would encounter the biggest shark to ever do the hula? A million to one. So there’s a chance.<br /> There was a nice breeze going, so I grabbed my board off the car and carried it down to the water. Along the way, I learned a new Hawaiian word; Kiawe. Kiawe trees bear thorns that drop from spindly trees and lurk just beneath the surface of the sand, waiting for some dumb haole to walk by. “Hawaiiya Papaya!” they mock as they inject your feet with poison. As I walked underneath one of these trees, board over head, I took several in both feet, fell down and took two in the knees. I was now slightly bleeding, but nothing was going to stop me from my first day of Hawaiian windsurfing.<br /> The local fishermen saw me rigging up my windsurfer, blood staining the sand, and came by to inform me of “Big Blue Makua” the meanest Tiger shark to ever inhabit these waters. “Grinds two beeg boats, and nine fishaman, jus li’ dat! And Bruddah, you know why? It’s feedin’ time!” I took a piece of a word here and a piece of a word there, and assumed they were just trying to keep me from scaring the fish away.<br /> So away I went with my ruddy stubs, off into the wild blue yonder. The wind was blowing hard yet straight offshore. The mountains made for shifty conditions that I’d never experienced. The first gust of offshore wind sent my board and I sailing across the sparkling water faster than I had ever imagined. Unfortunately, this was followed by an abrupt calm spot, sinking my ship to the knees. Another gust hit twice as strong as the first, and I was launched like a ragdoll over the boom, slamming down on the water hard. Kimo looked on. A thought crossed his mind - Haole make good bait.<br /> After about an hour of being tossed around like Caesar salad at The Chart House, the wind cut off completely. Enter on cue, a fish emerging like a nuclear sub with dynamite dentures. Big Blue I assumed, his periscope eyes fixed on my soul, sending chills through every twitching nerve in my body. Yes, Big Blue was the coldest critter I’d ever seen. Sure, I’d wrestled bears in the North and alligators in the South, but this was T-Rex with fins. Okay, and attitude.<br /> Ever so slowly, the Tiger maneuvered his way closer. I tried to remain calm, but there was nothing that could prepare me for the steely glint in his eyes. So here I am, shakin and bakin. I can barely stay up on the board, its tail sinking from my weight. The music is ringing loudly in my ears...dun dun....dun dun....dun dun dun dun dun dun!! <br /> While he pondered which tender morsel he was going to disect first, another gust of wind hit. My paralyzed grip barely clung to the boom. The board jumped up onto a plane and I broke all speed records, of all sports, and bee lined it for shore. Big Blue parted the sea as it made a swooping turn my way, but that was the last I saw of him. I never sailed on the West side of this island again. <br /> <br /> All sharks are basically eating machines. Their normal diet is live animals of any type, and they will strike at injured or helpless animals. Sight, smell, or sound may guide them to their prey. Sharks have an acute sense of smell, and the smell of blood in the water excites them to no end, or the bitter. They are also very sensitive to any abnormal vibrations in the water. Sharks, sensitive? The struggles of a wounded animal or swimmer, underwater explosions (no beans before diving), or even a fish struggling on a fishline or spear will attract a shark. So tell the fish, “Don’t struggle! You don’t want to get eaten by a Shark, now do you?”<br /> Sharks feed at all hours of the day and night. Most reported shark contacts and attacks were during daylight, and many of these have been in the late afternoon. Some of the measures that you can take to protect yourself against sharks when you are in the water are:<br />Be Fearless. Fear attracts sharks. Think about something else to keep your cool, like old James Dean movies. If you are walking past a dog, say a Pit Bull, and he senses your fear, he’s going to reach right out and lock his jaws on your neck. But if you just walk by and don’t pay mind to him, he won’t even budge. Sharks are much like dogs. For this, I should get a Pulitzer prize.<br />Stay out of the water during or just after a rainstorm. Sharks congregate nearer to shore to feed on the runoff like a bunch of kids around a busted pinata. <br />Murky waters of any kind will increase your chances of getting chomped. Most sharks will not attack a non-bleeding human if they see a person clearly (adhering to shark etiquette). But if they happen to bump into you, what’s fair is fair. So murky water - any kind of - get the heck out. Go play some goofy golf (the reason for so many shark attacks, even though they are few, and one is certainly more than enough, is that there is a dire need for more goofy golf courses throughout the islands, though it really hasn’t done much for Florida. Scratch that.) Go shop for a new hat. <br />Don’t Splash and thrash around in the water like a wounded bird. It’s as close to chumming as you can get. (See: Tea Bag Kiteboarding). If you sight a shark, try your best to remain calm (as possible). Pretend you’re the Croc Guy.<br />If you are bleeding, even slightly, you will attract the best intentions of a shark. It’s like a dinner bell ringing. If you are (a woman) on your menstrual cycle, take your credit card and go shopping. An autopsy performed on a lady who was chomped while swimming in the sea at Oluwalu during her period reveals an increased chance of attack.<br />Never enter the water where people are fishing, either from the beach or from inshore boats.<br />There is always safety in numbers. <br />Avoid swimming near deep channels, or where shallow water suddenly becomes deeper. <br />Do not swim alone, or at dusk or after dark, when sharks are feeding actively and are likely to be closer to shore. <br />If large numbers of fish are seen, or if fish seem to be acting strangely, it’s a good idea to pull your legs out of the water and paddle softly to shore. Be alert for unusual movements in the water. A fin sticking straight up carving a path your way is usually a good sign that you have bad timing.<br />Do not wear a watch or other jewelry that goes bling bling in the light. Lose the mini disco ball necklace . <br />If attacked, kick and strike the shark. Hit the shark on the nose or poke it in the eyes if possible. <br />A few guys I know have been bitten by sharks. None are as famous as the cute girl who got her arm chomped off, but they still get the shark tooth medal of honor in my book. The Hamilton girl I’m sure will get her own (medal and book).<br /> One excellent windsurfer, Scott Shumacher, used to go in the water every day. There was little that would keep him out of the sea. Something happened on his way to winning a world championship. One day at Hookipa, Maui, Scott fell off his board right onto a shark. The shark bit Scott on the leg. Scott punched the shark on the nose. The shark let go and Scott made it back to shore alive, however his life direction had changed for good.<br /> Roddy Lewis, a past USA windsurfing speed champion, was surfing in murky water in the rain next to a river in Wailua, Maui, which is pretty much an open invitation for disaster. Chumming is the practice of throwing red meat into the water to lure sharks. Shark bit his leg, he poked the shark in the eye. An eye for an eye, or I should say, a piece of his leg for an eye.<br /> On March 25, 2002, 17 year-old track star, Prom King and Fire Dancer Hokuanu Aki was hanging loose on his surfboard at Brennecke Beach, Kauai, when a Tiger shark bit his left foot and pulled him under. Caught completely by surprise and breathless, Hokuanu lived up to his name (“Hoku=star, anu=cool/cold”), by first tearing at the shark’s gills, but to no effect. Hokuanu then tried pounding his fist against the shark’s nose but, again, to no effect. In a last ditch effort, Hokuanu stuck four fingers in the shark’s eye and gouged it out; then the shark let go. Hokuanu made it to shore where good fortune awaited him in the form of Nancy Roberts, a visiting nurse from Littleton, Colorado, who provided first aid until an ambulance arrived.<br /> For several years the Natal Sharks Board has been experimenting with alternative ways of protecting people from shark attack. One of these avenues of research has been the use of electrical fields to repel sharks. Sharks have specialized organs (ampullae of Lorenzini) which can sense the minute electrical fields generated by all marine animals and which assist in the detection of prey. This sensitivity to electrical fields is believed to have been the key to the development of a successful electrical repellent called the SharkPOD (Protective Oceanic Device). They should be on the market by now.<br />SHARK ATTACK VICTIM RESCUE<br /> If you should be the one in a million unfortunate to be in the line of fire, or near someone who is bitten by a shark, at least educate yourself on what to do in this situation, besides crap your pants. Shark attack victims usually die from a combination of shock and blood loss. Therefore, the following things should be done as soon as possible: <br />• Remove the victim from the water as soon as possible and place his or her head downward on the beach slope to combat shock by increasing blood flow to the head.<br />• Control bleeding by pressing on pressure points, or by applying tourniquets. Efforts to stop bleeding should start while the victim is still in the water.<br />• Need I say, call 911? Until help arrives, take the victim’s pulse rate if possible for future reference by a doctor or hospital. Say nice things to them, like (to a girl) “I really like what you’ve done with your hair. Are you a natural redhead?” Or (to a guy) “Cool tattoo. Hana’s your girl’s name? Oh, it read “Hanalei Boy!” They can fix that.”<br />• Though they will ask for it, do not give the victim Jack Daniels or Jaegermeister, only sips of fresh water. <br />• Protect the victim from cold by wrapping him or her in a blanket to minimize heat loss.<br />• Bring aid to he victim rather than bring the victim to an aid. Any movement can increase shock. The victim should not be moved unless he or she recovers from shock and a doctor is present. <br />• Untrained people should not try to help the victim in any way, other than by carrying out the steps outlined above- more harm than good can result from well-meant but incorrect attempts to render aid. Experts think that this is one of the most important factors in determining whether a victim survives or not.<br />REPORT LARGE SHARKS!<br />On O‘ahu, if you see a large (i.e., over eight feet), aggressive shark, call 58-SHARK (that’s 587-4275)<br />Neighbor islands call toll free 1-800-468-4644, then dial SHARK (that’s 74275) when instructed.<br /><br />JELLYFISHtc " JELLYFISH" <br /> Jellyfish are an inescapable part of the beach experience. They normally show up on Hawaii’s beaches in the Winter, after a large storm, but they can be anywhere. The tricky part is spotting them. No scary background music alerts you. At least a shark’s fin circling through the water gives you fair warning. Jellyfish quietly lurk in translucence, waiting for unwary surfers and swimmers, ready to latch onto a leg, arm or chest and inject you with venom. Some emit only an uncomfortable sting. Jellyfish tentacles are hard to see, like watery ghosts. They can have thousands of nematocysts, a microscopic stinging device triggered by touch. Sea lice, the larval form of the jellyfish, can also sting, especially if trapped between a bathing suit and the skin.<br /> The most dangerous, and always patrolling Hawaii’s waters for your territorial encroachment, can zap you with enough venom to cause a heart attack. In Russia, they are called Medusa, as in “Medusa Rears Her Ugly Head.” Here, they are Pwortagee, er, Portuguese “Man O’ War”. These blue water mines are the most potent and dangerous jellyfish in the sea. They have long purple tentacles that lash around your ankles as you windsurf by. If this happens, body-drag your foot in the water to remove the tentacles and head for the beach.<br /> The key is to remove the tentacles gently so they won’t sting again, but when a Hawaiian style jellyfish is zapping you, you just want to rub it with sand and shred the tentacles to pieces. This is adding fuel to the fire. If chopped to bit, they simply turn into thousands of tiny microscopic monsters, like a bad B movie.<br /> It’s better to “gently” rinse off the area with some vinegar. Don’t use fresh water because it will trigger the stingers. Pour on the vinegar, or soak a cloth and let it sit on the area. The mild acid fixes the nematocysts so they can’t release any more venom than they already have. So remember, in your beach basket goes: suntan oil, surf wax, hair gel, beer, and vinegar. Additionally, throw in some talcum powder or shave cream - the nematocysts will stick to it so you can scrape them off with a razor blade or credit card. Visa, even where you didn’t want to be.<br /> After doing this, some people use meat tenderizer, and claim the stinging goes away within 15 minutes. (The active ingredient in tenderizer is Papain, an enzyme from papaya or pineapple that breaks down proteins, including the toxin from the jellyfish.) The stinging sensation will typically go away by itself in about an hour.<br /> One know it all lady who has never even been to Hawaii, told me that, “you are supposed to have a Hawaiian squat and pee on it.” Actually, the person does not have to be Hawaiian, as we all bleed, and pee the same. Nor does the person have to squat. They can stand a few feet back, aim and fire. Supposedly, the acid in your pee can neutralize the toxin as well.<br /> We were out surfing after a hurricane had just passed by, and there were jellyfish everywhere. One of my surf buddies picked one up with his hands, rubbed it on his palm, and proudly announced, “Look everybody, these things don’t sting!” He then threw the jellyfish at me. <br /> As the jellyfish came towards my face, it reached out with it’s tentacles in slow motion, latched around my head like a frightened three year old, and spit it’s venom right into my eye. Thanks, Buddy. Now I gotta go find some Hawaiian willing to wiz on my face.<br /> So you see, the skin on your hand is much thicker than any other part of your body. So when you rub a jelly fish on your hand, you won’t feel a thing. Also, if you throw a jellyfish at a friend, be long gone from the beach for the next few weeks. If you don’t get the San Francisco thing, good for you and your sheltered upbringing.<br />Man-O-War stings cause the most severe reactions. Most other types of jellyfish stings are just a painful experience. But for some, they can produce a fatal allergic response called anaphylactic shock, and quick treatment is needed.<br />Prevention: The best treatment is prevention. Wear a protective wetsuit or lycra. North swells and North winds push more jellyfish to shore. Before venturing into the water, check with other swimmers or lifeguards to find out if jellyfish are on the loose<br />Symptoms: A normal sting is localized. But an allergic reaction produces symptoms elsewhere, such as widespread itching or shortness of breath. Anaphylaxis can produce swelling in the throat that causes wheezing, or restricted blood flow that causes fainting. Some people go into anaphylactic shock from fire ant bites or bee stings, but may not be sensitive to jellyfish. CPR may be necessary. Victim may go into shock.<br />Normal symptoms for the non-allergic:<br />• Intense, stinging pain, rash, and wheals (raised welts).<br />• Benadryl cream may provide some relief from the itching and swelling, as will hydrocortisone. Aloe gel and witch hazel may help soothe the pain.<br />• May progress to cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, lymph node swelling, abdominal and back pain, fever, chills, and sweating.<br />• Persistent redness and irritation after 2-3 days may signal bacterial infection of the wound.<br />Treatment: for anaphylactic shock is an injection of epinephrine, which is synthetic adrenaline. For people who have received multiple stings but are not in anaphylactic shock, taking the over-the-counter antihistamine Benadryl may help.<br />• Do not spread the nematocysts by rubbing with hands, wet sand, seaweed, paper, etc. No water - especially fresh should be poured on the skin.<br />• Deactivate remaining nematocysts with a 5 percent vinegar solution until the stinging stops. Use isopropyl alcohol or pee on it if you don’t have vinegar. Meat tenderizer also neutralizes venom—add to the solution if you have it. Papaya fruit is a second choice.<br />• Apply shaving cream and scrape skin with a razor or credit card to remove nematocysts. The same paste used to remove jellyfish nematocysts will work here as well.<br />• Dry the skin and apply hydrocortisone ointment and take diphenhydramine for mild allergic reactions.<br />• Keep still to prevent venom from spreading, with the injured part elevated above the heart.<br />• Serious stings that result in life-threatening reactions like spasms, breathing difficulty and shock require emergency medical attention.<br />LIONFISH & STONEFISH tc " LIONFISH & STONEFISH " <br /> Lionfish are usually found in depths of at least 80 feet and in warm waters. An extraordinary and decorative fish, the lionfish is immediately identified not by its roar, but its long, fanlike pectoral fins, branched dorsal fin and brightly striped body. This eye-catching coloration warns potential enemies and divers that a scuffle with it can have serious repercussions. Their most distinctive feature is a fan of prickly spines that secrete a poison that can cause severe pain, numbness, paralysis, and even death.<br /> Stonefish (Synanceja), not to be confused with rockfish, are also found in the Pacific. They can inject a painful venom from their dorsal spines when stepped on or handled carelessly. They are almost impossible to see because of their lumpy shape and drab colors. They kind of hang out on the bottom and wait for your demise. Don’t dive barefoot or try to touch one and you should be okay.<br />Prevention: Lionfish are lazy, like cats, and won’t come to you. Don’t yell underwater, “Here, Kitty!” Lives in holes and caves, nocturnal.<br />Symptoms: The sting can vary in intensity from something like a bee sting to an excruciating pain and sometimes (as in the case of the stonefish), even death.<br />Treatment: If you are stung by a lion fish run hot water over the sting (as hot as you can stand) and consider getting medical attention.<br />SEA URCHINStc " SEA URCHINS" <br /> Urchin spines are the round black porcupine like looking things resting all over the reef. Their hypodermic needles break off into your skin, and once deep inside you, slowly release their venom. They can cause excruciating pain, redness, swelling and bleeding. <br /> Hoyle Schweitzer, the inventor of windsurfing, had an urchin spine lodged so deeply in his foot he could do nothing about it but hope the body absorbed it. The spine eventually worked it’s way all the way through to the other side of his foot where he was finally able to extract it.<br /> My worst spine tingling adventure came from bailing out of my windsurfer, the same one Hoyle invented, and landing feet first into an urchin garden from thirty feet high. I pretty much landed flat as possible whenever possible after that. <br />Prevention: Wear Booties with hard plastic inserts.<br />Symptoms: It hurts.<br />Treatment: Elevate the affected area and apply a pressure bandage to slow the absorption of venom. Do not apply a tourniquet.<br />Immerse the wound in 45C/115F water, or as hot as you can tolerate, for 30 to 90 minutes. The heat will break down the toxins and can dramatically reduce the pain. The excruciating pain from marine stings can lead to shock. Use local anesthetics to reduce the sensation. Cleanse the wound with an antiseptic solution. Washing out remaining venom and pieces of spine will help minimize damage, speed healing and prevent infection. Leave an inaccessible spine alone only if it hasn’t penetrated a joint, nerve or blood vessel. Seek appropriate medical care. Some wounds will require surgical cleansing and repair, antibiotics for infection control, as well as antivenins and life support for severe stings.<br />FIRE CORAL tc " FIRE CORAL " <br /> Surfers in Fiji more commonly run into fire coral, but it is still found in scuba deep waters in Hawaii. Fire Coral (not a true coral) also have nematocysts; barb-shaped stinging cells filled with venom. Fire Coral produces an immediate burning sensation followed within 30 minutes by an itchy rash that takes several days to heal. They have a bright yellow-green and brown skeletal covering and are widely distributed in tropical and subtropical waters. Divers often mistake fire coral for seaweed, and accidental contact is very common. Their very small nematocysts contain tentacles that protrude from numerous surface pores (see Jellyfish Stings). In addition, they have a sharp, calcified external skeleton that can scrape the skin.<br />Prevention: Wear a lycra or wetsuit. Watch where you’re going. <br />Symptoms: Immediate burning or stinging pain develops over 5-30 minutes. Then a red rash with raised wheals or vesicles appears, and itching develops. Lymph gland swelling may occur over time.<br />Treatment: <br />• Rinse with seawater. Avoid fresh water because it will increase pain.<br />• Apply topical acetic acid (vinegar) or isopropyl alcohol.<br />• Remove tentacles with tweezers.<br />• Immobilize the extremity because movement may cause the venom to spread.<br />• Hydrocortisone cream may be applied 2-3 times daily for itching. Discontinue immediately if any signs of infection appear.<br />• If the victim develops shortness of breath; swelling in the tongue, face, or throat; or other signs of an allergic reaction, treat for an allergic reaction.<br />• If there are no signs of allergic reaction, pain may be relieved with 1-2 acetaminophen (Tylenol) every 4 hours and/or 1-2 ibuprofen (Motrin, Advil) every 6-8 hours.<br />SCORPION FISH tc " SCORPION FISH " <br /> Scorpion fish live mainly around the reefs of the Pacific and Indian oceans. They vary from 30 to 90 centimeters long, are usually reddish in coloration, and have long wavy fins and spines. They inflict an intensely painful sting. They hang out in rocky areas, along ledges and shallow areas. Their spines can really wollop an owie.<br />Prevention: Wear thick gloves and keep hands out of dark places.<br />Symptoms: Piercing, throbbing, unbearable pain. <br />Treatment: Clean wound. Soak wound in hot water. If reactions stay severe, see one doctah.<br />SEA ANEMONE <br /> It was said in the early days the Hawaiians used to smear the blades of their spears with anemones to make the wounds fatal. The Sea Anemone looks much the same as Medussa’s Head, only on a bad hair day. Their tentacles, which they use for catching other sea creatures, have stinging cells which immobilize their prey. They are found in tidal pools, on the reef and deeper in the ocean.<br /> These flower-like coelenterates have thousands of tiny stinging cells on their numerous tentacles that can be quite dangerous, causing pain and incapacity. Fortunately, most of them have nematocysts that are too weak to penetrate human skin. <br />Prevention: Wear a lycra or wetsuit. Keep watching where you’re going. <br />Symptoms: The initial symptoms vary from a prickly sensation to severe pain. The area can become red and swollen and blisters can appear. The more dangerous anemones can cause shock and respiratory distress.<br />Treatment: Same as Jellyfish.<br />HYDROIDS<br /> Fern like colonies occurring in clumps, two of the more common are the Cypress Sea Fern, and the White-Stinging Sea Fern. They generally have delicate fronds with rows of tiny polyps along each ´limb´. The slightest brush against a hydroid causes instantaneous pain and quite often the diver is not aware what produced the painful stinging feeling. The affected area may take up to a month to heal.<br />Prevention: Wear a lycra or wetsuit. Put some distance between you and the reef, especially in currents and wave action. <br />Symptoms: The sting starts out as a patchy area of red skin and can develop into welts within 30 minutes.<br />Treatment: Same as Jellyfish.<br />STARFISH<br /> One very dangerous starfish is the Crown of Thorns. This creature is easily recognized by its large size, sometimes over 16" in diameter. Its color is reddish or greenish, has more than a dozen arms, which are covered in short, shark spines which will penetrate gloves, boots and wetsuits. The spines are covered with toxic slime. Injury by the spines causes severe pain and nausea. <br />Prevention: Don’t step on it or pick it up. <br />Symptoms: Severe pain and nausea. <br />Treatment: Soak in hot water.<br />HOLOTHURIANStc " HOLOTHURIANS" <br />(Sea Cucumbers; Beche-de-Mer; Trepang or Sea Slug.) These sausage-shaped Sea Slug scavengers are quite common on most reefs and in tidal pools. Some exude white sticky threads. These threads can cause skin and eye irritation and reportedly blindness if contact is made between these materials and the victim. Some also ingest other stinging animals and may excrete these later in their own defense. There is also the toxic material called holothurin in the excreta, which can cause localized swelling. Dermatitis can occur if the sea cumber is handled a great deal, and if you put one on your salad, no telling what will happen.<br /> The Sea Cuke’s toxin may act on the nervous and muscular systems. Still collected in quantities, mainly for the Eastern markets, the toxins are removed by boiling the sea cumbers.<br />Prevention: Don’t pick one up. Tell your kids not to play with them. Pregnant ladies, it is not a pickle someone dropped in the water. <br />Symptoms: Skin swelling, skin and eye irritation. <br />Treatment: Wash skin or rinse eyes and see doctor.<br />THE MOLLUSCStc " THE MOLLUSCS" <br /> The Molluscs comprise of the seashells, octopus and squid. The edible molluscs (oysters and other shellfish) can cause allergies, and other possibilities such as the hepatitis virus. In some cases, injuries to humans may occur from toxins produced by the molluscs themselves.<br />Prevention: Don’t eat oysters in any months that do not contain the letter R. Watch for mollusk and mussel alerts. Squid is usually okay as long as it does not suck out your eyeballs.<br />Symptoms: Allergic reaction, hepatitis. <br />Treatment: See doctor.<br />CONE SNAILtc " CONE SNAIL" <br /> These beautiful shells are bad for the picking. They shoot a harpoon-like poisonous dart from the tip of the shell into your skin that can wreak havoc on your nervous system. Do not handle them under any circumstance, even with a good pair of gloves. Some cone shells are lethal. All are cone-shaped and have a fine netlike pattern on the shell. A membrane may possibly obscure this coloration. Avoid any shell shaped like an ice cream cone.<br />Prevention: Don’t pick one up.<br />Symptoms: Burning pain, numbness, possible coma or heart attack.<br />Treatment: Mild cases, clean the wound. Severe reactions, seek emergency medical attention.<br />CONE SHELL<br /> Little cone shells sometimes suck themselves to slippery rocks. One fine day I slipped on such a rock holding my windsurfer overhead. A tiny cone shell jousted into my palm, The skin closed up before I could find it, and there it festered until I could grab the boom no more. It took an hour operation to get it out.<br />MOREY EELtc " MOREY EEL" <br /> This critter is normally harmless. What I mean by that is, it’s not going to swim up and bite you on the nose. I’ve even given a few a good pet on the head. However, stick your hand or foot in the wrong hole and surprise - you may come up one digit short! This can cause a lot of bleeding, muscle and tendon damage, which will attract much larger beasts. <br />Prevention: Don’t stick hand or feet in dark holes. You may pull out more than a rabbit.<br />Symptoms: You have a missing digit, a torn tendon or two; at least a nice tear.<br />Treatment: Apply pressure to wound and clean thoroughly with peroxide. Seek medical help, maybe a sports doctor if tendon is involved.<br />NEEDLE FISH<br />Needle fish like to hang out in shallow waters, right at the surface. They have a long pointed jaw, and are more likely to java you when night fishing.<br />Prevention: Turn off your light while night fishing.<br />Symptoms: Puncture wound.<br />Treatment: If the point breaks off in your skin, do not try to remove it yourself. Go directly to doctor. Do not pass Go Fish. Otherwise, clean with peroxide.<br />TENTACLES<br /> Not to be confused with testacles, octopus; often called squid, calamari and more popular in the islands, tako (cuz, he poked one tako li’ dat), the octopus can actually bite you with it’s beak like jaws. It may bleed and be accompanied by a mild sting. Hopefully you will not become some eight-legged comic book freak.<br />Prevention: Don’t grab with your hands. <br />Symptoms: Bleeding. <br />Treatment: Wash wound and apply neosporin.<br />TUBE CORAL<br /> Not to be confused with “getting tubed” by a wave breaking over coral, tube coral looks like little hollow poodle turds, often called a tubeworm. You will know you have stepped on one when you feel a circular cut, which may contain coral fragments. <br />Prevention: Wear heeled booties.<br />Symptoms: Little cookie cutter holes in your feet.<br />Treatment: See a doctor to remove worm pieces. De-wormer medicine will not work. If you use needles or tweezers to remove it yourself, clean wound with betadine or peroxide.<br />TANGtc " TANG" <br /> Not to be confused with the drink, the Surgeon Fish, or Tang, is that brightly colored yellow fish seen most often around shallow reefs. The spines and knife’s edge razors will cut you quite surgically in fine fashion.<br />Prevention: Wear gloves, never grab one.<br />Symptoms: Scalpel-like spines in your flesh. Throbbing, numbing, itchy. Can bring on infection.<br />Treatment: Gently wash with soap and warm water. If bleeding profusely, apply pressure to wound.<br />STINGRAY<br /> Though not as prevelant as in Florida, the stingray is sometimes found in shallow, sandy waters. Steer clear of this Barb. She doesn’t like to be stepped upon, and is most dangerous when disturbed especially from a nap. Once swimming, they can poke you in the chest and cause a heart attack.<br />Prevention: Shuffle feet walking in shallow sandy water. Try not to stub your toe on a rock.<br />Symptoms: Whole lotta pain.<br />Treatment: Clean wound. Soak wound in hot water. If reactions stay severe, see physician.<br />BARRACUDAtc " BARRACUDA" <br /> Also not as abundant as in the Atlantic, the Barracuda still poses a threat. They lurk in the shadows of the reef and under boats, and when they attack, they rip shards of flesh. Barracuda’s are attracted to shiny objects. <br />Prevention: Stay out of shaded areas, or lit ones with jewelry on. <br />Symptoms: Skin and meat shredded to the bone. <br />Treatment: Apply pressure to wound. If serious, head for emergency room or call 911.<br />POISONOUS FISH NOT TO EATtc " POISONOUS FISH NOT TO EAT" <br />Many tropical fish living in reefs near shore, or in lagoons and estuaries, are poisonous to eat, though some are only seasonally dangerous. The most poisonous types appear to have parrot-like beaks and hard shell-like skins with spines and often can inflate their bodies like balloons. However, at certain times of the year, indigenous populations consider the puffer a delicacy.<br />Blowfishtc " Blowfish" <br /> These fish vary in color and size, growing up to 75 centimeters in length. Stout-bodied and round, many of these fish have short spines and can inflate themselves into a ball when alarmed or agitated. Their blood, liver, and gonads are so toxic that as little as 28 milligrams (1 ounce) can be fatal. Don’t eat the rocky mountain blowfish.<br />Triggerfishtc " Triggerfish" <br /> The triggerfish (Balistidae species) occur in great variety, mostly in tropical seas. They are deep-bodied and compressed, resembling a seagoing pancake up to 60 centimeters in length, with large and sharp dorsal spines. Avoid them all, as many have poisonous flesh.<br />CIGUATERA FISH POISONING:<br /> Ciguatera poisoning is the most common disease caused by eating tainted fish. The flesh of the fish contains a colorless, odorless, tasteless poison. This poison is created by a type of plankton around coral reefs. Small animals eat the plankton, then larger fish eat the small animals. Toxin builds up in the fish’s tissues. You, being at the top of the food chain, suffer.<br /> Fish containing ciguatera toxin are usually from the tropics, south Florida, or Hawaii. Common species include red snapper, grouper, amberjack, and barracuda. Cooking does NOT eliminate the toxin. Neither does drying, smoking, marinating, or rolling it into sushi.<br />Prevention: Don’t eat barracuda, skipjack, rusty old dented cans of tuna, fish found dead on the beach or covered with green stuff in your fridge. Have someone you don’t really like try the fish for breakfast before you have it for dinner.<br />Symptoms: Usually begin a few hours after eating the toxic fish meat, but can occur as late as two days. Most often, the illness begins with vomiting, diarrhea, and abdominal cramps. The toxin causes tingling sensations, abnormal hot and cold sensations, weakness, and muscle pain in the legs. Hot feels cold, and cold feels hot. Heart and lungs may be affected. The symptoms usually last about a week, but sometimes go on much longer — months or years. Some victims have a return of symptoms after drinking alcohol or eating a large amount of meat.<br />Treatment: There’s no antidote for the ciguatera toxin. Patients with severe poisoning may need to be in the hospital to control severe vomiting and pain.<br />THE CHAPTER: LAND CRITTERStc " THE CHAPTER: LAND CRITTERS" <br /> Lions and Tigers and Bears, Auwe! Not in Hawaii. There is little to be feared in the archipelago. Regardless, here is a sampling of the spattering of creatures remaining.<br />WILD BOARS<br /> Marty Stouffer says wild boars are “the smartest dumbest animal.” This I suppose makes them fun to hunt by the world’s second smartest dumbest animal, the most famous being Ted Nugent. He used to be a pretty good axe slinger (that would be a guitar for you classical buffs) but now spends his play time hunting boars with bow and arrow, or on Jack Daniels days, straight up with a knife.<br /> Wild boars can be found throughout the islands. They forage through the wet regions of the rainforest and weigh between 180 to 300 pounds, sprouting spikes from their goring noses. The hog shield, the burly brunt of the hog, is actually scar tissue resulting from fights with other hogs during this time. It takes a precision strike to kill the beast, so if you are on one of Ted’s wild adventures, make sure you strike first, fast and not frivolously. Supposing you come across one, hopefully it will not “go nads” and strike a swift blow to your own shield of honor, though what comes around goes around! This founded by the hornish fact that wild boars are most aggressive during mating season, and if you are a male, which I presume you are if you are out hunting for boar, this ominous strike is nothing personal, just an effort to eliminate the competition. <br />FERAL CATStc " FERAL CATS" <br /> The most prevalent wild animal in the islands is believe it or not, the Feral Cat. On Maui alone, there are over half a million roaming, starving felines, but who’s counting. Posing no threat to the humans who’ve caused the problem, the Hawaii State Government does nothing to combat the problem. Crystal Smith began the Ninth Life Hawaii program, a catch, fix and release effort setting up survival colonies, plus housing and treating the sick cats, most with upper respiratory disease. I just carried all the food and changed the cat boxes. Also made a tape, “Hidden Treasures Of Hana” to guide you through the land of Hana with all proceeds going to Ninth Life Hawaii. What a guy.<br />MONGOOSE<br /> Mongoose were introduced in the 1880s to quell the rat invasion, Unfortunately, mongoose are daytime animals and rats nocturnal. Therefore, lots of mongoose with nothing to eat but bird’s eggs.<br />BATStc " BATS" <br /> Did you know that the Hoary Bat is the only mammal alive indigenous to Hawaii? These beautiful and most handsome bats of all are harmless. They can be found in certain caves via Spelunking, the art of exploring caves, which can be treacherous in Hawaii without knowledge or a proper guide. Batmobile not included.<br />PET SURVIVALtc " PET SURVIVAL" <br />FLEAStc " FLEAS" <br />Put FRONTLINE or ADVANTAGE on your pets.<br /> Fleas and pets go together like bread and butter. First they make friends with your pet, then they take a liking to you. One house I moved into in Kailua was fine upon first inspection. About a week after I moved in, the fleas were coating my legs black. Someone had bombed the place with insecticide that got rid of the fleas but did not kill the eggs.<br /> The best way to get rid of fleas is to sprinkle the carpets and your pets with pyrythrine powder. It’s non-toxic. You can buy a bunch of it and sprinkle it yourself, working it into the carpet with a brush broom, let it sit for a week or so, then vacuum it up. Have your pets come in to the fleas will drop off and die. Or you can pay a Pest Control place to do it for about 200 bucks per room.<br />TICKStc " TICKS" <br /> When walking in the woods, wear a hat and put some clothes on. Avoid wearing shorts; tuck your trouser legs into your socks. Check your bod (and your partners) for ticks like an overzealous monkey. <br /> To remove an attached tick, grasp it with tweezers as close as possible to the skin surface, then pull up and out with a gentle, steady pressure. If tweezers are not available, use fingers wrapped in tissue paper or gloves; do not handle the tick with the bare hands. Be careful not to squeeze, crush, or puncture the body of the tick as it may contain the spirochete in its body fluids. After removing the tick, thoroughly cleanse the area of the bite. Contact a doctor if all of the body parts of the tick were not removed. It is important that ticks be removed promptly when discovered. Do not attempt to remove ticks by using Vaseline, lit cigarettes, alcohol, or other home remedies. They’ll just dig they’re head in deeper and ooze toxic goo in exchange for the torture job.<br />RANCHERS AND NEIGHBORStc " RANCHERS AND NEIGHBORS" <br /> One of the wonderful things about island living is that there are some very backward people. If you let your pets run, there is a good chance they will get poisoned by a rancher. If you let them bark, they may get a poisoned piece of meat tossed in the yard. The horror stories that have happened to pets I will not repeat here. The message I want to get across is, keep an eye on your pets, and call your humane society to find out if you live in a neighborhood that does not have a history of animal abuse.<br />• It sucks, but most beaches require leashes.<br />• Do not get a black dog. If you do, keep 24 hour watch on it. (Some cultures still eat dogs, and it is legal in Hawaii to slaughter in your yard.<br />BUFO FROGS<br />Your dog may go after a poisonous bufo frog which will make him sick or worse. Before rushing him to the vet, rinse his or her mouth out with a hose of water.<br /> <br />HEARTWORM<br />Your dog will get heartworm from a mosquito bite transferring the disease from another dog, no matter how remotely an area you live. To prevent this, put them on monthly filaribits, but have them checked out before doing so as it can be deadly if you don’t.<br />RABIES<br />There is no rabies in Hawaii, which is why the strict quarantine laws are in effect. If you plan to bring your pet to the islands, research the current quarantine laws as they are often changing. It used to be a four month quarantine, but in 2004, pre checks can reduce it to 30 days with a probation period. Many animals have contracted diseases while in quarantine and have not made it out.<br />THE CHAPTER: INSIDE SCOOPStc " THE CHAPTER: INSIDE SCOOPS" <br />SPECIAL TIPS FOR TOURISTStc " SPECIAL TIPS FOR TOURISTS" <br />SURVIVING RENTING A CARtc " SURVIVING RENTING A CAR" <br /> Don’t even think of going to any of the Hawaiian Islands without renting a car. Many of the fun places you will want to visit are not served by public transportation, and those that are often do not have convenient pick-up and drop-off times and places<br /> Many people will spend their time in Hawaii only on at the hotel beach (with occasional trips to the hotel bar) and have no need for a car. Unless you are a world-class lounge chair pineapple, you will want to go out and explore the islands not in a tour bus, but a rent-a-car.<br /> Renting a car is not without some hassles, so I’ve accumulated these tips over the years that you might find useful:<br />1. Reserve early. Some of the Hawaiian Islands, especially the smaller ones, have very limited rental fleets, so you need to reserve early to be sure you will have transportation. You also usually get a better deal if you reserve early. One easy way to do that is to make your reservations online.<br />2. Check for damage. Look the car over carefully before you take it off the rental lot and make sure the staff marks down any damage on the vehicle. If you don’t do this, you may be held responsible for damage done before you had the car.<br />3. Check for off-limits roads. Ask the rental staff if there are any roads on which you may not drive the car. This is very important since some of the rental companies have begun declaring certain popular roads off limits. Some companies will not even allow you to drive to the top of Haleakala, which is one of the most popular attractions on Maui. Most all will not let you drive past Sacred Falls, around to the backside of Hana’s Coast. Granted, rules were made to be broken, but if you break these rules, whatever rental car auto insurance you may think you have will be null and void if you have an accident on one of these roads.<br />4. Refuel the car yourself. Do not return the car with less fuel than it had at pick-up time because the rental company will charge you ridiculous rates per gallon for the missing fuel. Prices at Hawaii’s gas stations are bad enough but the prices the rental people charge are even worse.<br />5. Don’t top off the tank. This is second nature to some of us, so we often put every possible drop in the tank before we return it. Why bother? So long as the fuel gauge needle is somewhere near the full mark, the rental agency is unlikely to charge you for fuel.<br />6. Consider declining the insurance. The insurance premiums the rental companies will charge you are another rip-off. Many credit card companies include this insurance as part of your benefits if you rent with their cards. Check on this before you leave for Hawaii — be sure to check on both the liability and collision coverage.<br />7. Beware of drop off charges. If you rent your car at one airport, and then fly out of a different airport on the same island (which is not uncommon), you may be hit with a charge of as much as $70.<br />WATERtc " WATER" <br /> Unless on Oahu, water on most islands is questionable, so use a filter or drink bottled. Oahu is safe to drink. Tap water on Oahu has been proven as pure as any of the filtered bottled water sold in the stores (unless the pipes are old and rusty). This is due to the filtering of artesian water through miles of volcanic rock.<br />WHERE TO DEFINITELY GOtc " WHERE TO DEFINITELY GO" <br />HALEAKALAtc " HALEAKALA" <br /> Haleakala is a strange place, one of the most unique geologically on Earth. New agers claim it to be the center of the universe. Bikers claim it to be the longest downhill run on the planet. Geologists claim it to be a mass eroded hole of volcanic cinders. <br />70% of Maui visitors drive to the top of Haleakala Crater to experience the sunrise. Certainly, sunrise is an awakening experience. Like I said, it’s beautiful. It’s colorful. It’s also nose-numbing cold. 10% of those heading for sunrise come back down via bicycle. For them it’s ass numbing cold.<br /> .1% of those who make the drive to the top of the crater head down into it for one of the most spectacular hikes on the planet. Again, most just step out of the car, get slapped in the face by “Gee, it really is cold at elevation 10,023 feet...” and get right back in it. 21 years ago, I was as guilty as they were. My friends woke me up in the middle of the night and said, “We’re going to Haleakala.” I thought it was a surf spot. Dressed in surf shorts and T-shirt, I at least found some socks under the seat. My socks froze to the ground. I couldn’t move without taking off my socks. That didn’t help.<br />NAPALI COASTtc " NAPALI COAST" <br /> On a clear day, this is paradise. Whether you hike the trail, take a raft or sailboat, or fly in a helicopter , there is little on Earth as spectacular. To see it from below, follow the road, the only real road, till it begins raining and ends. To see it from a poor man’s bird’s eye view, take the road, the only real road, till the sun beats your skin to leather, then follow it up to Koloa.<br />HANAtc " HANA" <br /> Take this trip if you like curvy roads, tropical vegetation, a bit of rain, a lot of waterfalls, and mosquitoes. The reward at the end, the Seven Sacred Pools and some of the best hiking trails on Maui, are well worth the hair pins.<br />VOLCANOES NATIONAL PARK<br /> A lotta lava. A lotta driving. But pretty cool for being so hot. Check to see if the lava is flowing before you go, or take the Desolation Trail.<br />WHALE WATCHING/SNORKEL CRUISES<br /> Get a combo in season. November to April.<br />IAO VALLEY<br /> A hike along the river will refresh your spirits. Lots of greenery and it’s free.<br />NORTH SHORE OAHU<br /> Watch the surfers at Sunset and Pipeline, Have some Shave Ice in Haleiwa. Watch huge waves crash at Waimea in the winter. See cliffdivers jump at Waimea. <br />EAST SHORE OAHUtc " EAST SHORE OAHU" <br /> Take the road all the way around to Chinaman’s Hat, Kaneohe, and the great beaches of Kailua. Keep going past Waimanalu to Sea Life Park. Great dolphin show.<br />LOOSE TIPS FOR TOURISTStc " LOOSE TIPS FOR TOURISTS" <br />Flaps, Flip flops. Zori’s. Whatever you call them, get used to the fact that you don’t have shoes on. <br />Bring a flashlight. One of those penlights is better than nothing.<br />AAA auto club card. Bring it because many hotels and sights (such as the Bishop Museum) offer discounts to AAA members.<br />Binoculars. For whale watching, uh-huh.<br />Cellular phone. Bring it. Just in case your car breaks down or you get in one accident.<br /> Jacket and tie? Forget it.<br />Hiking boots or hiking shoes and day pack. Bring ‘em. Hawaii has some of the worlds best hiking trails. I prefer hiking shoes cause it’s too hot for boots. Boots are good for sharp lava beds.<br />ATM machines are everywhere in Hawaii. Traveler’s Checks are a waste. Few will take out of state personal checks.<br />Warm clothes, Foul Weather Gear. Most travel books say leave them at home. I suppose the writers have never been up to the craters at sunrise or tromping through the rainforests.<br />Tourism Info Websites:<br />Island Guides:<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />KAMAAINAS ONLY<br />SPECIAL TIPS FOR NEW OR WANNA BE RESIDENTStc " SPECIAL TIPS FOR NEW OR WANNA BE RESIDENTS" <br />• Taboo! Never wear shoes into anyone’s house. Leave them outside the front door.<br />• When making a “Shaka”, the back of your hand is facing out.<br />• Mail in your DMV (car registration) or camp in line all day.<br />• Do not rent houses for sale. You will be moving again soon.<br />• Look for little black dots or tiny poops on the floor. Termites and rats.<br />• Do not eat in empty restaurants. There’s a reason it’s empty.<br />• Leave a tip. The poor buggah surfed all day.<br />FINDING A NICE NEIGHBORHOOD.<br /> When you are invited to a picnic in Kailua, beef really is a menu item. If you are looking for a place to live, you might want to do as the Romans do and live in Rome, or should I say find a nice neighborhood where the roosters don’t outnumber the Haoles 100 to 1 - a place where the houses are built more like Beaver Cleavers than of corrugated tin and recycled plywood. Though they lack character, suburban neighborhoods make up for it in conveniences such as indoor toilets. <br />Here’s how to recognize a Haole enclave: <br />• Generally, the stores will be named Starbuck’s rather than Ching’s Market or Hasegawa’s. <br />• The lawn is Bermuda grass and it’s mowed, rather than a recycling center for junk cars, old broken up swing sets, boat nets, lobster traps, glass balls, and rusty tire rims with a goat tied for slaughter. <br />• The dog on that lawn is a golden retriever or spaniel, as opposed to a chained pit bull or yapping poi dog <br />ISLAND BY ISLAND BREAKDOWNtc " ISLAND BY ISLAND BREAKDOWN" <br />OAHU<br />Plusses: Oahu is the most popular island. There is a lot to see and do here. World Class Surfing. Great Kiteboarding. There are more beaches than any other island (it’s the oldest). Nightlife. For typical Haole lifestyle, Kailua is your kind of place. Sunset Beach for surfers, Diamond Head or Hawaii Kai and parts of Manoa for the rich and famous. Punahou School. University Of Hawaii.<br />Drawbacks: It’s a bit too touristy and overpopulated for my tastes. The surf is definitely crowded with an overabundance of “surf rage”. <br />Crime is highest on Oahu. Some very dark sides of paradise. Prostitution is rampant.<br />MAUI<br />Plusses: Haleakala, Iao Valley, Hana and other impressive scenery. Some nightlife in Lahaina, Wailea. Upcountry and the North Shore for me. Sure, it rains too much, the mosquitoes and every other critter in the bug chapter thrive there, but it’s cool and comfortable, and the beaches and waves are aplenty. Sideshore wind best in the world for windsurfing. By far my favorite island.<br />Drawbacks: When I first moved to Kihei, I enjoyed the daily coating of black dust from the cane ash, but it soon got too commercial and crowded. Wailea would be nice, but I didn’t have a spare million for the down payment. The West side is just too hot, and Napili too far. Getting aplenty crowded. Traffic. Seaweed. Canesmoke.<br />KAUAItc " KAUAI" <br />Plusses: The Scenery. The most beautiful of all the islands when the sun pops out. <br />Spectacular kayaking and snorkeling. Surfing is tops. The Haole enclave here is definitely Hanalei. Even “Puff The Magic Dragon” is from “the land of Hanalee.”<br />Drawbacks: The Sleeping Giant. I once tried living on Kauai, but my blood started to clot. The North Shore can rain so much you need a boat just to get down to the store for groceries, and the South Shore is pretty desolate and Haole free outside of the resort areas. If you’re going to move there, good luck during the hurricanes. <br />BIG ISLAND<br />Plusses: Wild dolphins. Great diving. A good place to be rich. A good place to be poor. The rich live in Kohala or Kona, and the poor in Puna. Few but gorgeous beaches. Nice hotels spread out well. You can drive and drive, or bike and bike, and swim and run (Iron Man World Championships are here). Volcanoes National Park. Only island with active volcanoes. Land and more land.<br />Drawbacks: Personally, I can’t stand Kona. It’s nothing but door-to-door activities and time-share Kiosks. The air is so Vogged out some days I can’t breathe. I do love to visit the Big Island’s Kohala Coast, just could never consider living there. Beaches and surf are limited, as is the wind and windsurfing, unless you want to drive to South Point and feel lucky. Everything is god-awful far away.<br />MOLOKAItc " MOLOKAI" <br />Plusses: Wide open, wild, unpopulated. Great back country.<br />Drawbacks: Molokai is the antithesis of the “friendly isle”. Very few Haoles live there, and the Molokains like it that way. It’s a pretty place, just not a lot going on. Limited roads and beach territory.<br />LANAItc " LANAI" <br /> <br />Plusses: Lanai consists of a couple of very nice hotels. Nice jeep roads. Great diving and snorkeling. Good summer surf. Horseback.<br />Drawbacks: Unless you work for the hotel, you are an out of work pineapple picker.<br />NI’IHAU<br />You have to be at least 50% Hawaiian to live there. Check your family tree. See any Uncle Kealoha’s there?<br />THE CHAPTER: CATASTROPHIC EVENTS<br />PLANE CRASHtc " PLANE CRASH" <br /> “Suddenly, there was a flash and a very loud bang! The plane lost power and began to plummet towards the inky waters below. Snapping his fingers and trying to pace within the confines of his seat belt, Steve exclaimed, “Danno! I think we are going to crash!” <br /> “Right, Steve,” is Danno’s snappy comeback. “I’ll check with the pilot.”<br /> What are the chances your plane is going to go down, perhaps while reading this book? Actually, your chances of aviation disaster are one in seven million. On this basis, you could take a random flight every day for 17,000 years without meeting your maker. But still, there’s a chance. Each year, about 400,000 of Hawaii’s 6.7 million tourists take an air tour either by light plane or helicopter. Since 1975, there have been 10 fatal tour plane or helicopter crashes, killing 73.<br /> The worst disaster in Hawaii flight history was from a cargo door that blew off a Hawaii-bound United Airlines Boeing 747 and swept nine passengers out through the gaping doorway. Excuse the bad taste, but this gave one more new meaning to the word Aloha. The Navy’s deep-sea submarine Sea Cliff found the door in 14,100 feet of water in 1990. <br />HELICOPTER CRASHtc " HELICOPTER CRASH" <br /> There is not much you can do when your helicopter crashes into the land. The Earth is a solid. Kirk Darrow. A windsurfing comrade, crashed in a two seater helicopter only days before completing his training, exploding on impact I was both lucky and unlucky to have been in a helicopter crashing into the sea. I went down with a very expensive camera on my shoulder, with both doors of the craft off. <br /> We were on our way back from filming at Hookipa, and I just wanted a fly-by of the winsurfing off the coast of Sprecklesville. While the pilot concentrated on clearance from the tower to go into the area, I looked back at a horrendous gust of wind ripping across the water. <br /> The wind caught our tail and sent us spinning donuts in the sky, and we headed towards the water angled towards my side. Expecting to explode on impact, I first tried to jump but I had two seatbelts on, and slammed into the side of the cockpit. We then careened into the water, the blades cracked, and I bashed against the dash. <br /> I was shocked. Could this have really happened to me? I was thinking at least how lucky I was that the bubble would float, keeping me and especially my camera above water. The doors being off, my float theory had some glitches to it. We then sank like a rock to the reef, where we were struck by waves, later smashing the front windshield in. <br /> I tried to find the two seatbelt releases and but wasn’t having much success being underwater and all. Be happy, don’t worry, were my first thoughts, then...find the panic, I mean the damn release button! So much for the 50,000 dollar camera! <br /> My ex-roommate, Dave Shevling, was a Navy Seal, right there to assist in the rescue. He took the sail off his board and I climbed aboard with my soaking wet camera. I suppose it was time to forgive him for burying the turtle guts under my room. (I was wondering for weeks what was that smell)? <br /> Later an observer told me that we almost decapitated Miki Eskimo and his wife who were windsurfing below, We went through a lot of trouble to wring the videotape out to see if I had pressed the on button and rolled tape, but alas, I had not recorded my five minutes of fame. Redo! Redo!<br /> After couple of months recovery time, I went back up in an A Star, one of the big mother airships that’s similar to riding in a limo. I thought that such a beast could withstand any kind of wind sheer. We headed up to Hookipa where the waves and the wind were monsterous. As one gust swept up a wave face, it sent the helicopter into a hyperwobble. I looked over at Herb Squires and Bud The Birdman who were just along for the ride. They were making good use of the bird’s barfy bags. The pilot as well was turning pale. He then looked at me and with a ghastly sort of face, informed me that he had no control over the craft anymore. He kept pushing the foot petals back and forth. “See, no response! What can I do?” <br /> You’re a..a..asking me? <br /> The chopper nipped a wave and I thought for sure we were going down again. This couldn’t be! No redo! No redo! What happened to the “one in seven million” chance theory? Was it flying out the window with the barf (they had run out of bags)? <br /> Fortune had it’s day, and a gust blew us off the wave. The pilot cancelled the film session and headed straight for the heliport. Shucks, we were just starting to have some fun.<br />FAA SAYS TOURISTS MUST STAY HIGHtc " FAA SAYS TOURISTS MUST STAY HIGH" <br /> Pilots operating in Hawaii’s air tour industry must comply with strict regulations adopted over industry opposition in 1994. Those regulations established a 1,500-foot altitude and standoff restrictions, although operators can apply for exceptions for 1,000 feet at particular sites if FAA investigators determine it is safe. If you are wondering, low level commercial photography and filming of windsurfing and surfing with special permission is still permitted. It is not normally permitted to film whales, however.<br /> The regulations primarily are for safety, although much of the ruckus involved reducing noise for people on the ground, including residents near certain attractions. At the same time, some hotshot pilots were taking chances, putting their blades right into the waterfalls. Nobody ever got more than wet during any of these incidences however. One Hawaii Island helicopter tour operator, who requested anonymity, said the altitude requirements sometimes force pilots to fly up into cloud cover, increasing the risk of a mountainside crash. <br /> If you are in an aircraft that goes down at sea, take the following actions once you clear the aircraft. <br />Whether you are in the water or in a raft :<br />• Get clear and upwind of the aircraft as soon as possible, but stay in the vicinity until the aircraft sinks.<br />• Get clear of fuel-covered water in case the fuel ignites.<br />• Try to find other survivors.<br /> People may be unconscious and floating low in the water. A rescuer should not underestimate the strength of a panic-stricken person in the water. A careful approach can prevent injury and drowning to the rescuer.<br /> The best technique for rescuing a person from the water is to throw them a life preserver attached to a line. Second best is to send a swimmer from the raft with a line attached to a flotation device that will support their weight. The least acceptable technique is to send an attached swimmer without flotation devices to retrieve a survivor, and worst of all, just try to rescue someone without a float or attachment in the middle of the ocean<br />SINKING SHIPStc " SINKING SHIPS" <br /> Your tour boat could sink in a storm. Your rented sailboat could drift to Tahiti. Your windsurfer could break apart. A submarine could emerge on your boat (hey, it’s happened). Your spouse could plant a bomb on your fishing boat (hey, that’s happened too!). Big Blue Makua could bite your boat in half (it’s all happened)...<br />Your survival at sea depends upon—<br />• Your knowledge of and ability to use the available survival equipment.<br />• Your special skills and ability to apply them to cope with the hazards you face.<br />• Your will to live. Your will to live. Your will to live.<br />SWIMANALOGYtc " SWIMANALOGY" <br /> A lot of things rely on your survival. It really helps if you are in shape and a strong swimmer. I used to swim competitively as a teen and have kept at it ever since. All the medals in the world, even winning the Olympics, will not help you in a survival situation if you don’t use your head. Anyway, here’s one of my favorite swim analogies I’ve soaked up like a sponge.<br /> You have five fingers, and they are holding a marble, technically four and a thumb. The hand has something like 13 muscles, five of them controlled by the little finger. Go ahead, try to move your little finger down and see if the others don’t follow. The pinky represents endurance, longevity. It’s why a sprinter swims long distances in training. It increases the blood pumping from the heart (anaerobic), increases the central circulatory system and the respiratory system. <br /> The ring finger represents dedication. Your marriage gets bumpy, you stick with it. Same thing with swimming. <br /> The middle finger represents power. You would never show your middle finger to anyone if you did not have the power to do so. So if you swim sprints, you increase your power.<br /> The index finger represents stroke dynamics, how you float your boat, roll your hips and shoulders, catch and release, all those things. <br /> Your thumb represents your will. Without your will, the marble rolls off, the goals are not achieved. So what does this have to do with survival at sea? Everything!<br /> The pinky; preparation. Of your body conditioning at all times, and of preparatory things like rafts, life jackets, supplies, food, water, medicine. The ring finger; dedication, to seeing your loved ones again. The middle finger; power reserves necessary to survive, to raise your finger at the death angel. The index; methods and strategies of survival. The thumb; Your will to live. Your will to live. Your will to live!<br />SHOULD YOU BREAK DOWN ON YOUR WINDSURFER<br /> Okay, this is not in the Army, Navy or Marine manual, but this has occurred to countless poor souls. The only thing you can do is stay with the board and stroke. If you are far from land, get rid of your rig. It will hinder your progress. Rather than swim straight for an island, measure the current and try to predict your path based on its strength and direction. Kind of like putting a golf ball, in order to hit your target straight you must take a curved route. If you are on the South Point of the Big Island, I hate to say it, but your next stop is Tahiti. I hope you packed lunch.<br /> <br /> My worst experience was on a surfboard I had glassed some footstraps to. It was under 7 feet, and nothing much to it. I needed about 25 nauts of wind to ride it, which was actually the reason I moved to Maui in the first place. <br /> It was a glorious sunset and I was flying along. I kept going, and going, and going. I’d already done two passes from Wailea past Molokini out to Kahoolawe, and thought I just might go for a third. Whoosh, seconds after the sun set, the wind died. Dumb Haole lesson number three hundred and one: the wind dies at sunset.<br /> After trying to waterstart and gagging on wave slop for a while, I decided it was time to paddle back. I tied my sail to the back strap and made little progress. As it grew pitch black, the value of the sail versus the value of my life diminished entirely, so I tossed it.<br /> I paddled and paddled, and paddled, heading towards Wailea. Eventually, I made shore several miles down the coast at Makena. The whole way back I kept kicking myself. Why didn’t I tell someone where I was going, when to expect me back? Maybe that should have been lesson number one.<br />SHOULD YOU BREAK DOWN ON A BOATtc " SHOULD YOU BREAK DOWN ON A BOAT" <br /> Put on your PFD. Signal for help and stay with the boat. If you have a raft, inflate it immediately incase the boat sinks. Put all provisions, emergency supplies, first aid kit, sunscreen, food and water in the raft. Leave the beer. If the boat catches on fire, look for an extinguisher. If you can’t find one, get in the raft. Fire the first flare when you board the raft. Fire another one when you see a boat or plane overhead.<br /> Should nobody see you, stay with the boat. Eddie Aikau, whom they named the Waimea contest after, learned this lesson the hard way, and paid the ultimate price. Their voyaging canoe broke in half. He tried to swim back to shore on a surfboard, and although he was as strong as anyone in the islands, nobody ever saw him again.<br /> I owned a Hobie Cat, an old piece of crap. I put it together out of old hulls buried in the sand by wind that people had forgotten or left behind. One day I took an extra person on board, and the pressure snapped the hull in half. I tried to be smart and jibe quickly so that all the pressure was on the good hull, not realizing the shroud that supports the mast was part of the broken hull, and the mast fell down. This was also around Molokini. Fortunately, I packed an emergency flare kit, and was able to signal a fishing boat for a fast rescue.<br />NO BOATtc " NO BOAT" <br /> Relax; a person who knows how to relax in open ocean water is in very little danger of drowning. So what if sharks are circling in, the more you focus on them, the more they will focus on you. If there are others panicking, they will find them first.<br /> If you have a PFD, floating on your back takes the least amount of energy. Lie on your back in the water, spread your arms and legs, and arch your back. You may even sleep in this position for short periods. Your head will be partially submerged, but your face will be above water. Make a few water angels, you’ll need them.<br /> If you have no PFD but have your pants on, kick off your shoes and take them off. Hopefully you were not going commando that day (hey guys, cover up that turtle food!). Now take your pants and tie knots in the bottom. Grab the pants at the waste, swoop them into the wind, and then grasp the waistline forcing the pants underwater upside down. This will float you for a while, depending on how porous the material is. This would have been a good day to have worn a latex outfit. Some long sleeve shirts will work as buoyancy as well.<br /> If you do not have pants on, place your face down and float vertically in the water in a position known as drownproofing, or what I call the Gilligan stroke. When you need to breathe, bring your legs together in a scissors kick fashion to propel your face out of the water for a breath. One can maintain their energy doing this for hours until help hopefully arrives. Kick off your shoes, they won’t do you much good unless you can walk on water.<br />OIL ON WATER FIREStc " OIL ON WATER FIRES" <br /> If you are caught in this situation after a crash, take off your foam life preserver. If you have an un-inflated air inflated life preserver, keep it un-inflated. Cover your nose, mouth, and eyes and quickly go underwater. Swim underwater as far away as possible before surfacing to breathe. Before surfacing to breathe, and while still underwater, use your hands to push burning fluid away from the area where you wish to surface. Once an area is clear of burning liquid, you can surface and take a few breaths. Try to face downwind before inhaling. <br />MAROONED AT SEA <br /> I’ve never had the good fortune to test my survival skills in a raft. The following tips are given out by the US Army, though I’m not sure why not the US Navy. <br /> Rafts do not have keels, therefore, you can’t sail them into the wind. However, anyone can sail a raft downwind. You can successfully sail rafts 10 degrees off from the direction of the wind. Do not try to sail the raft unless land is near. If you decide to sail and the wind is blowing toward a desired destination, fully inflate the raft, sit high, take in the sea anchor, rig a sail, and use an oar as a rudder. Try not to race the other rafts,or talk to Wilson.<br /> Erect a square sail in the bow using the oars and their extensions as the mast and crossbar. Use anything you can for a sail. If the raft has no regular mast socket and step, erect the mast by tying it securely to the front cross seat using braces. Pad the bottom of the mast to prevent it from chafing or punching a hole through the floor, whether or not there is a socket. The heel of a shoe, with the toe wedged under the seat, makes a good improvised mast step. Do not secure the comers of the lower edge of the sail. Hold the lines attached to the comers with your hands so that a gust of wind will not rip the sail, break the mast, or capsize the raft.<br /> The greatest problem you face when submerged in water is death by hypothermia. When you are immersed in water, hypothermia occurs rapidly due to the decreased insulating quality of wet clothing and the result of water displacing the layer of still air that normally surrounds the body. The rate of heat exchange in water is about 25 times greater than it is in air of the same temperature. So even though the water may be warmer than back home in Michigan, it can still wring the heat right out of your whistle.<br /> If you are marooned in a raft, like famous water filmmaker Don King was for weeks on end (he survived, another did not):<br />• Check the physical condition of all on board. Give first aid if necessary. Take seasickness pills if you see a pack floating around - vomiting, whether from seasickness or other causes, increases the danger of dehydration. Regardless, keep your eyes on the horizon. Water will be at a premium.<br />• Try to salvage all floating equipment—rations; canteens, thermos jugs, and other containers; clothing; seat cushions; and anything else that will be useful to you. Secure the salvaged items in or to your raft. Make sure the items have no sharp edges that can puncture the raft.<br />• If there are other rafts, lash the rafts together so they are about 7.5 meters apart. Be ready to draw them closer together if you see or hear an aircraft. It is easier for an aircrew to spot rafts that are close together rather than scattered.<br />• Remember, rescue at sea is a cooperative effort. Use all available visual signaling devices to make contact with rescuers. For example, raise a flag or reflecting material on an oar as high as possible to attract attention. Then, try your cell phone.<br />• Check the raft for inflation, leaks, and points of possible chafing. Make sure the main buoyancy chambers are firm (well rounded) but not overly tight. Check inflation regularly. Air expands with heat; therefore, on hot days, release some air and add air when the weather cools. Don’t lose the plug.<br />• Decontaminate the raft of all fuel. Petroleum will weaken its surfaces and break down its glued joints. It may seem desperate, but refrain from lighting up.<br />• Throw out the sea anchor, or improvise a drag from the raft’s case, bailing bucket, or a roll of clothing. A sea anchor helps you stay close to your ditching site, making it easier for searchers to find you if you have relayed your location. Without a sea anchor, your raft may drift over 160 kilometers in a day, making it much harder to find you. <br />• Calmly consider all aspects of your situation and determine what you and your companions must do to survive. Inventory all equipment, food, and water. Waterproof items that salt water may affect. These include compasses, watches, sextant, matches, and lighters. Ration food and water. <br />• Lookout duty should not exceed 2 hours. Keep in mind and remind others that cooperation is one of the keys to survival.<br />• Decide whether to stay in position or to travel. Ask yourself, “How much information was signaled before the accident? Is your position known to rescuers? Do you know it yourself (GPS)? Is the weather favorable for a search? Are other ships or aircraft likely to pass your present position? How many days supply of food and water do you have? Or is a drift towards land a better idea.” <br />• During the heat of the day, rig a sunshade or canopy. Leave enough space for ventilation.<br />Cover your skin, where possible, to protect it from sunburn. Use sunburn cream, if available, on all exposed skin. Your eyelids, the back of your ears, and the skin under your chin sunburn easily.<br />• Water is your most important need. With it alone, you can live for ten days or longer, depending on your will to live. When drinking water, moisten your lips, tongue, and throat before swallowing. If you don’t have water, don’t eat. If your water ration is two liters or more per day, eat any part of your ration or any additional food that you may catch, such as birds, fish, shrimp - before the well runs dry. <br />• Watch the clouds and be ready for any chance of showers. Keep the any large sheets of plastic handy for catching water. Normally, a small amount of seawater mixed with rain will hardly be noticeable and will not cause any physical reaction. If you don’t have plastic, cut Wilson in half and use him (the volleyball from “Castaway”) to catch rain.<br />• Sleep and rest are the best ways of enduring periods of reduced water and food intake. However, make sure that you have enough shade when napping during the day. If the sea is rough, tie yourself to the raft, close any cover, and ride out the storm as best you can. Relax is the key word—at least try to relax.<br />• Drink the aqueous fluid found along the spine and in the eyes of large fish. Carefully cut the fish in half to get the fluid along the spine and suck the eye. If you are so short of water that you need to do this, then do not drink any of the other body fluids. These other fluids are rich in protein and fat and will use up more of your reserve water in digestion than they supply. Actions like these will make the cast of “Survivor” look like a bunch of wusses.<br />REMEMBER!<br />• Do not drink seawater.<br />• Do not drink urine.<br />• Do not drink alcohol.<br />• Do not smoke.<br />• Do not eat unless water is available.<br />Food Procurementtc " Food Procurement" <br /> In the open sea, fish will be the main food source. There are some poisonous and dangerous ocean fish, but, in general, when out of sight of land, fish are safe to eat. Nearer the shore there are fish that are both dangerous and poisonous to eat. There are some fish, such as the red snapper and barracuda, that are normally edible but poisonous when taken from the waters of atolls and reefs. Flying fish will often jump over your raft, so try to bat them down with an oar. <br /> Gut and bleed fish immediately after catching them. Cut fish that you do not eat immediately into thin, narrow strips and hang them to dry. A well-dried fish stays edible for several days. Fish not cleaned and dried may spoil in half a day. Fish with dark meat are very prone to decomposition. If you do not eat them all immediately, do not eat any of the leftovers. Use them for bait.<br /> Shark meat is a good source of food whether raw, dried, or cooked. However, shark meat spoils very rapidly due to the high concentration of urea in the blood, therefore, bleed it immediately and soak it in several changes of water. Make sure the shark is dead first.<br />Fishing Aidstc " Fishing Aids" <br />You can use different materials to make fishing aids as described in the following paragraphs:<br />• Fishing line. Use pieces of tarpaulin or canvas. Unravel the threads, braid and tie them together in short lengths in groups of three or more threads. Shoelaces also work on really stupid fish.<br />• Fish hooks. No survivor at sea should be without fishing equipment but if you are, improvise. Safety pins, wire, jewelry...<br />• Fish lures. You can fashion lures by attaching a double hook to any shiny piece of metal.<br />• Grapple. Use grapples to hook seaweed. You may shake crabs, shrimp, or small fish out of the seaweed. These you may eat or use for bait. You may eat seaweed itself, but only when you have plenty of drinking water. Improvise grapples from wood. Use a heavy piece of wood as the main shaft, and lash three smaller pieces to the shaft as grapples. Grapple with the idea that you may be at sea longer than you think.<br />• Bait. You can use small fish as bait for larger ones. Scoop the small fish up with a net. If you don’t have a net, make one from cloth of some type. Use all the guts from birds and fish for bait. When using bait, try to keep it moving in the water to give it the appearance of being alive.<br />Your fishing should be successful if you remember the following important hints:<br />• Be extremely careful with fish that have teeth and spines.<br />• Cut a large fish loose rather than risk capsizing the raft. Try to catch small rather than large fish.<br />• Do not puncture your raft with hooks or other sharp instruments.<br />• Do not fish when large sharks are in the area.<br />• Watch for schools of fish; try to move close to these schools.<br />• Fish at night using a light if you have one. The light attracts fish and squid.<br />• In the daytime, shade attracts some fish. You may find them under your raft. Beware of Barracuda.<br />• Improvise a spear by tying a knife to an oar blade. This spear can help you catch larger fish, but you must get them into the raft quickly or they will slip off the blade. Also, tie the knife very securely or you may lose it. Don’t piss the guy off whose holding it.<br />Bird Foodtc " Bird Food" <br /> All birds are edible. Eat any birds you can catch. Sometimes birds may land on your raft, but usually they are cautious. <br /> If a bird lands within your reach, you may be able to catch it. If the birds do not land close enough or land on the other end of the raft, you may be able to catch them with a bird noose. Bait the center of the noose and wait for the bird to land. When the bird’s feet are in the center of the noose, pull it tight.<br /> Like an Indian,Native American or otherwise, use all parts of the bird. Use the feathers for insulation, the entrails and feet for bait, and so on. Use your imagination. It’s all you’ve got.<br />MEDICAL PROBLEMStc " MEDICAL PROBLEMS" <br /> At sea, you may become seasick, get saltwater sores, or face some of the same medical problems that occur on land, such as dehydration or sunburn. These problems can become critical if left untreated, and attract sharks.<br /> Saltwater Sores result from a break in skin exposed to saltwater for an extended period. The sores may form scabs and pus. Do not open or drain. Flush the sores with fresh water, if available, and allow to dry. Apply an antiseptic, if available.<br />Sharkstc " Sharks" <br /> When you are in a raft and a shark attack is imminent, hit the shark with anything you have, except your hands. You will do more damage to your hands than the shark. If you strike with an oar, be careful not to lose or break it.<br /> When you are in a raft and see sharks—<br /> * Do not fish. If you have hooked a fish, let it go. Do not clean fish in the water.<br /> * Do not throw garbage overboard.<br /> * Do not let your arms, legs, or equipment dangle in the water.<br /> * Keep quiet and do not move around. No break dancing.<br />Detecting Landtc " Detecting Land" <br /> Keep a round the clock lookout for any signs of land (or ships). There are many indicators that land is near: A fixed cumulus cloud in a clear sky or in a sky where all other clouds are moving often hovers over or slightly downwind from an island. In the tropics, the reflection of sunlight from shallow lagoons or shelves of coral reefs often causes a greenish tint in the sky. Floating garbage could mean you are closing in on New Jersey.<br /> Deep water is dark green or dark blue. Lighter color indicates shallow water, which may mean land is near. At night, or in fog, mist, or rain, you may detect land by odors and sounds. The musty odor of swamps and mud flats carry a long way. You hear the roar of surf long before you see the surf. The continued cries of seabirds coming from one direction indicate their roosting place on nearby land.<br /> There usually are more birds near land than over the open sea. The direction from which flocks fly at dawn and to which they fly at dusk may indicate the direction of land. During the day, birds are searching for food and the direction of flight has no significance.<br /> Mirages occur at any latitude, but they are more likely in the tropics, especially during the middle of the day. Be careful not to mistake a mirage for nearby land. A mirage disappears or its appearance and elevation change when viewed from slightly different heights. You can be certain it is a mirage if there are camels walking on it.<br />Pickup or Rescuetc " Pickup or Rescue" <br /> On sighting rescue craft approaching for pickup (boat, ship, conventional aircraft, or helicopter), quickly clear any lines (fishing lines, desalting kit lines) or other gear that could cause entanglement during rescue. Secure all loose items in the raft. Take down canopies and sails to ensure a safer pickup. Fully inflate your life preserver. Remain in the raft, unless otherwise instructed, and remove all equipment except the preservers. Hopefully you will receive help from rescue personnel lowered into the water. Don’t forget Wilson.<br /> If you are in a boat and it is being rescued, watch out for the rescuing ship. One skipper I know was in a nice 50 foot sailboat which was rescued by a ship and the ship came down on the deck and destroyed the boat, sinking it.<br />APPENDIX A: FIRST AIDtc " APPENDIX A: FIRST AID" <br />BEFORE YOU GO<br /> If you happen to have discovered this book before you ventured off to the islands, whether for a vacation or permanent residence, here are a few tips on preparing yourself to do battle.<br />• You may want to inoculate yourself against tetanus, flu, and hepetitus. (no rabies shot necessary, few cases of malaria).<br />• Go to the dentist and take care of any cavities or especially root canals.<br />• Take “Airborne” tablets before getting on the plane. Airborn the verb is easy to get in Hawaii but “Airborne” the noun is hard to obtain in Hawaii, so take it with you. Drink as much water as you can during the flight. Sit in an aisle seat to facilitate this purpose.<br />• Stock up on mosquito repellant with DEET.<br />• Make sure your medical insurance is current.<br />• Know your blood type. Other than red...<br />Make up a kit before you go and include this host of first aid items:<br />• Sterile adhesive bandages in assorted sizes <br />• Sterile gauze pads <br />• Hypoallergenic adhesive tape <br />• Assorted Band-aids <br />• 2 and 4 inch sterile roller bandages<br />• Butterfly bandages<br />• an ace bandage<br />• sterile cotton balls and q tips• Scissors <br />• Tweezers <br />• Needle <br />• Moistened towelettes <br />• Thermometer <br />• Assorted sizes of safety pins <br />• Cleansing agent/soap <br />• Latex gloves (2 pair) <br />• Aloe for sunburn<br />• Aspirin or non - aspirin pain reliever , ibupropen, motrin<br />• Anti - diarrhea medication imodium , pepto Biz, Cipro<br />• Antacid (for stomach upset) <br />• Syrup of Ipecac (use to induce vomiting if advised by the Poison Control Center) <br />• Laxative <br />• Activated Charcoal (use if advised by the Poison Control Center or for die ah ree ahhh)<br />• Topical Antibiotic cream<br />• Topical Antibiotic powder<br />• Antibiotics to combat staph infections (full cycle from doctor or Acapulco)<br />• antifungal cream - guys Lamasil, chics Monistat<br />• antihistamine - Benadryl<br />• motion sickness pills – Transderm-Scop patches (see side effects before placing), Bonamin, Gravol.<br />• Eye drops (clear eyes or Murine, not Visine)<br />• Bee sting kit - if you are allergic<br />• Antiseptic - Betadine, Hydrogen Peroxide<br />• Moleskin<br />• Mosquito repellent with Deet<br />• toothbrush to scrub out coral, medium<br />• shaving cream and razor to remove nemocysts<br />• Adolph’s meat tenderizer<br />• Vinegar<br />• a good water filter such as a Katadyne<br />• Duct tape and white socks to protect cuts from sand.<br />• Condoms or Chastity Belt<br />MOTION SICKNESS<br /> Sea sickness is caused by the eyes seeing one thing (the inside of the boat) and the organ of balance detecting another (you’re moving up and down). The “argument” between the two senses triggers nausea. Sea sickness tends to diminish with time. The more time you spend on a boat, the less severe the motion sickness becomes.<br /> Car sickness comes from your body doing hair pin turns while your eyes are also elsewhere, like reading maps. Riding in the back of a car on the way to Hana is a sure way to get car sick.<br /> When the inner ears, eyes and various other sensors give conflicting messages to the brain—if the ears say right while the eyes say left—the brain revolts and the result is revolting. Other factors that can contribute to that queasy feeling are anxiety, fatigue, being overheated or any coexisting ailment.<br />Prevention:<br />• Position yourself smartly. The lower down and closer to the middle of a boat you get, the less you will pitch and rock.<br />• Avoid fumes. Nothing will tip you over the edge faster than the stench of diesel. If you’re feeling ill, it’s usually better to be on deck with the fresh air (it’s also a shorter trip to the rail).<br />• Face up. Look forward and fix your eyes on a stationary object close to the horizon line—a cloud, oil rig, palm tree, ship, etc. This way you help ensure that your eyes will see the same motion that your body is feeling.<br />• Get wet. Most people feel much better as soon as they get in the water and below the surface.<br />• Eat right. If you are prone to motion sickness, eat light and allow at least one hour between breakfast and boarding the boat or plane. Avoid heavy, greasy foods like bacon, hash browns and eggs. Opt for simple foods like toast, fruit and juice.<br />SEA SICKNESS<br />Prevention: Stare at the horizon. Stay on deck in fresh air away from diesel fumes.<br />Symptoms: An urge to feed the fish.<br />Treatment: There are several remedies for sea sickness. The most effective over-the-counter medication is meclizine (sample brands Bonine, Dramamine II). The 25 mg pill usually prevents motion sickness when taken once a day, but can safely be taken up to every 8 hours. Meclizine can cause drowsiness. It’s best to take it at bedtime, starting a day or two before your boat trip, so you are alert for your dive or a whale breach. <br /> Some people get relief from Coke syrup, ginger, or pressure-point bracelets. These aren’t terribly effective. Frequent small snacks help. <br /> The scopolamine patch (sample brand Transderm-Scop) can last up to three days, and is very effective for motion sickness. Usually, there’s not as much drowsiness as with meclizine. The patch requires a prescription.<br />REEF RASHtc " REEF RASH" <br /> If you are going to surf in Hawaiian waters, you are bound to get reef rash. Even a bad job of snorkeling will serve you up a dish. Although the nematocysts of the soft coral polyps can’t do much damage to humans, cuts and abrasions from the sharp points and razor edges of their stony skeleton can create burning pain and itchy welts. This “reef rash” (a form of coral poisoning) can take up to six weeks to heal completely.<br />Prevention: Minimize run-ins with the reef, or stay out of the ocean altogether.<br />Symptoms: Mild case; skin looks inflamed. Serious run-ins to the reef; skin looks like raw hamburger.<br />Treatment: Scrub area with soap and water. Use tweezers or I’ve seen a lot of guys use a toothbrush to get all coral out of the gash. Throw it away when you are done so you don’t confuse it with your teethbrush in the morning. The best method of wound cleaning is mechanical irrigation and the best irrigation fluid is clean fresh water or a solution of diluted povidone-iodine or I just use Hydrogen Peroxide. You can carry povidone-iodine solution in your first aid kit or prepare it by adding an ounce of povidone-iodine to a liter of bottled or distilled water. Shake it up and wait at least five minutes to allow the iodine time to disinfect the water completely. A teaspoon of salt dissolved in this solution increases its effectiveness. Draw the solution up into an irrigation syringe. Hold the syringe two to four inches above the wound and perpendicular to the wound, and push down on the plunger forcefully. The wound should be tipped allowing the solution to run out. Repeat until at least half a liter of solution has been forced through the wound. If visible contaminants are left embedded in the wound, they should be carefully removed with disinfected tweezers. Then continue irrigation with the second half of the liter of solution. Without an irrigation syringe, you can put the solution is plastic bag, punch a pinhole in the bag, and squeeze the solution out forcefully. Or you can melt a pinhole in the center of the lid of a water bottle with a hot needle, and squeeze the water out forcefully. Irrigation has proven a better method of wound cleaning than scrubbing or soaking unless you’re dealing with a scrape and not a cut in which case a good scrub still works best. Scrubbing of abrasions should be vigorous and often requires three to four people . . . one to scrub and several to hold the patient down. Scrubbing can be accomplished with clean fresh water and a gauze pad, but detergents are better, helping to lift out germs and debris. Good agents for scrubbing include Ivory Soap, Betadine Scrub, or Hydrogen Peroxide, If soap is used, follow scrubbing with a thorough flushing with clean fresh water. Apply Triple Antibiotic Ointment for a couple of days, then switch to the same in powder form. Keep the wound aired out and elevated in a clean environment. If the wound is on your foot, wear a sock especially on the beach, where the coral sand would make matters much worse. If it’s on your hand, wear a cotton glove. Have someone wait on you hand and foot.<br />STAPH INFECTIONS<br />Prevention: Once you get an open cut or bad case of reef rash, follow the same procedures for reef rash; clean it well, any sign of infection stay out of the water, especially dirty harbor or runoff water, and keep the wound covered with breathable gauze and cotton over garment when on the beach or dusty area.<br /> Cleanliness is of utmost importance, because once it establishes itself, antibiotics must be used to cure it. Staph infection in the tropics can make you very sick. Best prevention is to clean all cuts with antibiotic (or vinegar) immediately, then paint them with Gentian Violet (Note: Gentian Violet is difficult to obtain. If you can get your hands on Gentian Violet Crystals, they are excellent because they are rehydrated with water, not alcohol). <br />Symptoms:<br /> * Pain and swelling around a cut or scraped area of skin.<br /> * Boils or small, white-headed pimples (li’l Dudes) around hair follicles and armpits.<br /> * In infants and young children, blistering and peeling skin.<br /> * Swollen lymph nodes in the neck, armpits or groin.<br />Treatment: Once an infection has taken hold, WATERMELON has been very successful treating staph infections with “co-trimoxazole (sulfamethoxazole with trimethoprim” - familiar brand names Bactrim, Septra. Usually recommended to be taken for 10 to 14 days, but some doctors suggest, for staph and urinary infections taking for no more than 7 days to avoid common side effects - usually fungal infections, Antibacterial soap will slow down staph if you are not able to get to antibiotics.<br />GASHES, CUTS AND SCRAPES<br />Prevention: Watch where you’re going and what you’re doing. Stop being so human.<br />Symptoms: Little to lots of bleeding.<br />Treatment: Put steady pressure on the wound with a clean towel or t shirt, some kind of fabric you don’t want to see again. Elevate the wounded extremity. If you have a gash on your forehead, prop yourself up against a coconut tree. Wait, bad idea. Open wounds should be properly cleaned just as you would a reef wound in order to prevent infection and promote healing. If it’s a gash, from a surfboard fin or whatnot, and it gapes open, it may need to be closed with sutures, but in the interim or on a jungle cruise can be closed with butterfly band-aids or closure strips. If hair gets in the way, it can be carefully clipped short, but it should not be shaved off. Put some Neosporin in the cut and bandage. Large dirty wounds, wounds caused by animal bites and wounds that open a joint space are best left open. They are difficult to clean well enough to prevent infection. Exceptionally dirty wounds should be packed open with sterile gauze to allow them to drain until a physician can be seen. In Hawaii, this can be a matter of hours or days. Open wounds heal better and faster if they are kept slightly moist in the beginning. Use a triple antibiotic ointment for the first couple of days. Dress the wound with a non-adherent sterile dressing, making sure it completely covers the wound. Dressings that stick to the wound will slow the healing process. Finish with a protective gauze pad which you tape in place or wrap in place with a roll of stretch gauze. Small wounds can be covered with Spenco 2nd Skin which protects and moisturizes as well. Relatively recent additions to open wound management include micro-thin film dressings such as Tegaderm and Bioclusive. They have special value if you’re going to stay in the outdoors. They allow air to pass through, so they speed healing, and they are waterproof, but not wave proof. They’re also see through so you can check the healing for signs of infection. Red means head for bed. After a couple of days, sprinkle a good dose of Triple Antibiotic Powder over the wound. When you’re just kicking back watching the tube in a presumably clean environment, leave the wound open with a sprinkling of powder. Scabbing will get you back into fun world faster. Check all wounds regularly for signs of infection. Signs of infection include 1) increasing pain, redness, and swelling, 2) draining of pus from the wound, 3) appearance of red streaks just under the skin near the wound, and 4) fever. If you see signs of infection, open the wound back up and let it drain. You may need to encourage opening and draining by soaking the wound in disinfected hot water with Epsom Salts. Pack the wound with sterile gauze to keep it open, and re-clean and re-pack the wound at least twice a day. Consult a physician as soon as possible. Alanis Morissette may disagree, but long-term care of infection is aided by the appropriate use of antibiotics. They’re expensive, but see a doctor for a prescription. If you borrow your friends, you won’t have enough to see the infection all the way dead, and it will come back to haunt you.. <br />HIKING BLISTERS<br />Prevention: A nice fitting broken in pair of hiking shoes or boots. “Moleskin” or multiple bandaids on friction points will prevent blisters from bubbling.<br />Symptoms: Initially a hot spot will form, and then the blister. I think everybody knows what a blister is.<br />Treatment: Don’t pop the blister as the skin acts as a barrier against infectious dirt and toe jam. Cover with a bandaid or sterile dressing. If it pops, wash it and apply antibiotic ointment. Leave the dead skin where it lies, or feed it to the wolves.<br />BACK PAINtc " BACK PAIN" <br />Prevention: as always, is the best treatment for back pain. Taking on too much too soon, a new sport or activity, without regular exercise and stretching regimen will do it every time. Exercise often and moderately: brisk walking, swimming, jogging, biking, paddling. And shed extra body weight. There will be enough of a strain on your back without that spare tire.<br />Here five daily exercises you can do to buy insurance against back injury:<br />1. Start flat on your back and use your hands to pull one knee to your chest. Hold the knee-to-chest position for about 10 seconds. Repeat for the other knee. Do 10 repetitions for each leg.<br />2. While still lying down, bend your knees and do abdominal crunches. A crunch raises your head, shoulders and arms off the floor toward your bent knees. Crunches should not raise your lower back off the floor, which would put too much pressure on your back and decrease the benefit to your abs. Hold each crunch for several seconds. How many? Till your abdominal muscles burn. Your goal: To eventually be able to do 3 or 4 sets of 25-30 crunches.<br />3. Roll onto your stomach and get into a pre-pushup position, hands on the floor just above your shoulders. Now arch backward, but keep your pelvis on the floor. Hold for about 10 seconds. Repeat 10 times.<br />4. In the same face-down position, extend your arms overhead along the floor. Raise one arm and the opposite about six inches off the floor and hold for about 10 seconds. Alternate sides. Keep repeating until you feel a little burning fatigue in the muscles being used.<br />5. Roll over and sit up with your legs straight out in front of you. Stretch your hamstrings by keeping your legs on the floor, knees slightly flexed, and reaching gently for your toes. Do not bounce. Hold maximum stretch for 10-15 seconds and repeat several times.<br />These exercises can be performed, slowly and gently, after a back injury to help get your muscles working again, if doing them does not increase your pain.<br />DURING-TRIP PREVENTION<br />1. Loosen up before lifting anything heavy such as that big ol’ fat pack, especially in the morning.<br />2. Keep your back straight and use your legs, not just back and arms alone, to lift the load.<br />3. Get the load well balanced before stepping out.<br />4. Option: Have someone help you lift the load and get it balanced.<br />5. Take frequent rest breaks with the load off your back.<br />6. Reverse the lifting procedure when you drop the load.<br />Symptoms: Oh my aching back.<br />Treatment:<br />1. Rest. Very important. Rest on your side, or on your back with thick padding underneath your knees.<br />2. For the first day, ice it. After that, apply heat: a warm compress, a hot jacuzzi. I find fastest healing by alternating hot and cold for a couple of days.<br />3. Get someone to massage your lower back muscles after the first day.<br />4. Take drugs from a physician or drink some alcohol which relaxes muscles. <br /> Alcohol blunts pain, increases circulation, and is less addictive that some prescription muscle relaxants (e.g. Valium). “Honey, I hurt my back. Can you grab me the Jack Daniels? Straight up, that’s good.” If the pain doesn’t go away, or if pain, tingling, numbness or paralysis begins to creep down your legs, it’s time to forget the outdoors for a while and find a physician.<br />HEAT AND FIRE BURNStc " HEAT AND FIRE BURNS" <br /> At my Mother’s age of two, my Grandmother was lost to burns as the result of being too near to someone pouring fuel on a barbecue. The treatment thought wise at the time, covering her with butter, suffocated her skin and she died. You butter toast, not burn victims. Knowing how to treat burns can be of use anywhere.<br />Symptoms: First degree burns just ruddy the skin and often don’t cause pain until you put on your party clothes. Second Degree burns are partial thickness burns of the dermis (the true skin), forming blisters in addition to redness and pain. Don’t pop the blisters! Third Degree injuries penetrate the full thickness of the dermis, produce no blisters, and look pale (scald burns) or charred (burns from other high-heat sources such as open flames). Third degree burns may not cause pain themselves, but they will be surrounded by areas of intense pain. The funny thing is, burns are sterile from the mere fact that intense heat kills infection. But infection almost invariably results eventually without professional care to deep burns.<br />Treatment: After cooling, first degree burns should be assessed in three ways:<br />First degree: Rinse the affected area in cold water. Wash it with soap and water. I like to take a damp washcloth and freeze it, then stick it on my sunburned shoulders about five times. Cover burn with Aloe from an Aloe plant (not the crap they put in bottles with alcohol preservative that burns just as bad). You can find Aloe plants all over Hawaii in gardens. Split the plant open and squeeze with the fingers that are not burned. <br />Second degree: To protect burns and ease the pain, leave the blisters of second degree burns intact. If the blisters pop while a physician is still far away, or if you’re dealing with third degree burns, you can do one or more of several things: (1) Cover the burn with a thin layer of antibiotic ointment. (2) Cover the burn with dressings such as 2nd Skin(r) or Burnfree(tm). (3) Cover the burn with dry gauze or clean dry clothing. Covering burns reduces pain and evaporative fluid losses.<br />Do not use a dressing that prevents air venting. Ice is good for first degree burns, but not large areas of 2nd and especially third degree. Serious burns will swell and, when possible, such as burns to arms and legs, the extremities should be elevated to minimize swelling. Burned patients should gently and regularly exercise burned body areas as much as they can tolerate.<br />Ibuprofen is probably the best over-the-counter analgesic for burn pain (including sunburn). Drink as much water as you can. The greater the degree of damage, naturally, the greater the need for professional medical attention.<br />Third degree: Third degree burns, especially to the hands, feet or genitals require professional attention as soon as possible to prevent loss of respiratory function.<br />SALMONELLA POISONINGtc " SALMONELLA POISONING" <br />Salmonella is the most common type of food poisoning - poorly refrigerated or stored cooked foods the most common culprit. Chicken and fish the most common meats that cause a problem. Headache, abdominal pain, nausea, diarrhea, and sometimes vomiting. Fever almost always present. If food poisoning is suspected, take two charcoal tablets (available in health food stores) and a lotta gatorade. <br />SCOMBROID POISONINGtc " SCOMBROID POISONING" <br /> (Tuna and mackerel-like fishes) - (NOTE: This is from information provided to me by a doctor, so terminology is a bit esoteric in places - sorry. I include this because a friend of ours suffered from this on a five-day passage in the Pacific, and it was diagnosed and prescribed for over the SSB radio, while she had a few very frightening hours.) Scombroid poisoning is an allergy-like intoxication caused by the bacterial action of improperly stored tuna, skipjack, bonito, and other mackerel-like fishes which are highly esteemed as food fishes throughout the Pacific as well as in other areas. These fishes become dangerous to eat when certain strains of the bacterium, Proteus morganii act on a naturally-occurring substance in scombroid fish flesh called histidine. This action causes the production of histamine and a histamine-like substance called saurine without producing the usual signs of putrefaction. This bacterial action may be extremely rapid in warm climates if the fish is not properly refrigerated.<br />The histamine and saurine produced may cause a severe allergy-like reaction in man upon the ingestion of scombroid fish flesh containing these products. The presence of these toxic substances is sometimes detected upon initial ingestion by a “sharp” or “peppery” taste. Symptoms develop within a few minutes to 3 hours and are often sudden in onset. These include erythema of the face and upper part of the body, severe headache in the back of the skull, giant hives, conjunctivitis, and periorbital edema, edema of the lips, tongue and throat, respiratory distress, tachycardia, abdominal pain, malaise, generalized weakness and giddiness. Fever and mild diarrhea occur in a few cases as does nausea, but victims rarely vomit. A few cases have been reported in which the patient has gone into shock followed by death: however, the acute symptoms usually persists for from 8 to 12 hours after which the patient experiences a rapid recovery.<br />The treatment recommended is immediate evacuation of the stomach contents followed by the administration of antihistiminic drugs. <br />EAR BAROTRAUMA:<br /> Ear barotrauma is damage to the ear due to rapid pressure changes. This happens when the ears aren’t equalized properly while scuba diving or snorkeling. The eardrum is stretched by the pressure change. Sometimes it ruptures. Hemorrhage can occur within the middle ear, or even in the tissue of the eardrum itself. Symptoms can include pain, loss of hearing, nausea, or vertigo (whirling dizziness).<br /> A slap on the ear area (such as a water-skiing fall) adds other risks: the bones of the middle ear may come apart, or the organ of hearing and balance in the inner ear can be bruised.<br /> A middle ear infection can develop when water enters through a torn eardrum. This requires antibiotic treatment.<br /> You should have your ear examined. Usually the eardrum will heal well, but sometimes the bones of the middle ear are disturbed, or the inner ear is damaged.<br />EAR INFECTION, MIDDLE:<br /> Middle ear infection (otitis media) is common in divers. The middle ear cavity becomes filled with infection. Pressure and stretching of the ear drum cause pain.While usually a complication of a cold or sore throat, otitis media occurs in divers when germ-filled fluid is sucked up the eustacian tube by unequalized ears.<br /> Symptoms include earache, decreased hearing, and a sense of “water in the ear.” However, these symptoms can be the same as outer ear infection, earwax impaction, and ear barotrauma. A physician exam is required.<br /> Antibiotics are required. A 10 day course is usually prescribed. A decongestant may be recommended. You may need anesthetic drops or other pain medication. A follow-up exam may be recommended to make sure the infection has completely cleared.<br /> If the ear begins to drain, it means the ear drum has ruptured. This will usually heal spontaneously. However, it means you should keep the ear dry until re-examined by a doctor.<br />EAR INFECTION, OUTER:<br /> Otitis externa is an infection of the outer ear canal. This can be very painful. It’s sometimes called “swimmer’s ear,” because it often occurs after prolonged water exposure. Earwax makes otitis externa more likely, because it holds water and germs in the ear canal.<br /> The usual treatment is antibiotic/antiinflammatory ear drops. Occasionally, a wick will be placed in the ear to draw in the medicine. If the infection is severe, an oral antibiotic may be prescribed. Pain medication is often needed. Avoid getting water in the ear.<br /> Outer ear infections often take longer to heal than you might expect. Some tenderness and ache in the ear may persist for about two weeks.<br /> Your dive store has ear drops that help prevent otitis externa.<br />EARDRUM PERFORMATION:<br /> Ruptured eardrums can occur when the ears don’t equalize, yet the diver continues to descend. It’s also common with a “head slap” on the water, such as when you are heading out on your windsurfer at high speed and the approaching wave nails you.<br /> The ruptured eardrum alone is usually not serious. It will probably heal completely within a week or two. If the perforation is too large to heal, further treatment may be necessary. You need to see a doctor.<br /> Antibiotics are given if the perforation resulted from infection, or if the middle ear cavity may have been contaminated at the time of perforation.<br /> Do not allow any water to get into your ear until the doctor has told you the eardrum is healed. Use an earplug or Vaseline-covered cotton ball for showers. Stay out of the water. Follow-up examination to assure complete healing and complete return of hearing will be necessary, and is usually done in one week.<br /> More severe cures: One operation I did submit to, was having my eardrums scraped. Having been in the water so much, and having suffered repeated ear infection, I decided to have the doc look in my ear. “I’ve seen less barnacles on a pier,” he gasped. Wait here while I get my barnacle scraper. All I can remember of the operation was the sound of the scraping, like a bulldozer on rough concrete, and digging my nails into the hard plastic armchair rests.<br />EAR WAX IMPACTION:<br /> A severe buildup of earwax in your ear canal is called a cerumen impaction. Symptoms often begin after diving because (1) the water pressure shoves the wax further into the ear canal, and (2) water soaks into the plug, enlarging it.<br /> A large plug of wax can cause earache, decreased hearing, or itching. It can even lead to infection of the outer ear. The symptoms can be identical to middle ear infection, so a medical exam is recommended.<br /> An impaction of earwax can be removed by the physician using special instruments, or can be irrigated out using a stream of water (often a little of both is required). Some less severe impactions are removed using eardrops that dissolve wax.<br />EAR INFECTIONStc " EAR INFECTIONS" <br />Prevention: After getting out of the water, rinse your ears with fresh water. Always keep a big bottle in your car. Then you can rinse with alcohol or white vinegar (kills bacteria) to dry them completely. <br />Symptoms: Um, pain in ear.<br />Treatment: If you do suffer an ear infection, stay out of the water. <br />HEAT EXHAUSTION AND HEAT CRAMPS<br />Prevention: Drink lots of fluids, like Gatorade (lemon lime or orange only as the others have msg!), Powerade, or better yet, Gu. Wear protective dri-fit light clothing. Eat bananas for Potassium content.<br />Symptoms: Although you are unique in the animal world in your ability to shed excess heat, if body heat production gets a jump on body heat loss, you are heading toward heat illness. On the minor end of the problem are heat cramps, a painful spasm of major muscles that are being exercised. Those most often cramped are people not acclimated to the heat, sweating profusely. Heat cramps are poorly understood, but probably result not only from the water lost in sweat, but also the salt lost in sweat. Prolonged sweating may move you along the spectrum to heat exhaustion, characterized by headache, dizziness, nausea, rapid breathing, and, of course, exhaustion. Sufferers are so sweaty they often feel cool, grow goose bumps and complain of chills.<br />Treatment: Drink lots of fluids. Sit in a cool bath or in mild cases on the steps of a shady pool. Go to the hospital in extreme cases.<br />Heat Crampstc " Heat Cramps" <br /> Gentle massage and stretching of the affected muscles usually provides relief. Drinking water, preferably with a pinch of salt per liter added, is advisable. Heat cramps do not often occur in someone who is adequately hydrated. Once the pain is gone, exercise may be continued if necessary, but a day of rest is better.<br />Heat Exhaustiontc " Heat Exhaustion" <br /> Treatment should include moving the exhausted person to a shady spot and oral rehydration with cool, very slightly salty water. Some experts prefer using an electrolyte-balanced drink such as Gatorade, but the drink should be watered-down three or four times for more rapid absorption in a resting person. Maximum absorption ranges from 150 to 250 ml per 15 minutes, so it takes about an hour to get a liter back into circulation. Heat exhaustion is not physiologically damaging, but it should be treated aggressively before it progresses to a more serious condition.<br />DEHYDRATIONtc " DEHYDRATION" <br />Since you probably will leave your dog at home, water is the traveler’s best friend. Without enough of it, you’ll become dehydrated, a condition that puts divers at higher risk of DCS and causes fatigue to landlubbers. Perspiration, breathing dry air (such as in airplanes, air-conditioned hotel rooms and scuba tanks), urination, diuretic beverages (those that contain caffeine or alcohol) and medications, menstruation and traveler’s diarrhea all cause fluid loss.<br />Your body will tell you if you need more fluid. Common early-warning signs of dehydration include constant thirst, headache, fatigue, nausea and dark urine. If you experience these signs, get out of the sun and drink plenty of rehydrating fluids. Coke, Beer and cocktails are not on the list<br />SPRAINStc " SPRAINS" <br /> Most sports enthusiasts and particularly windsurfers experience a lot of ankle sprains and knee tweaks. <br />Prevention: Run on slanted beaches to strengthen ankles. Do ankle and achilles heel stretches. For windsurfers and strap surfers, make sure your straps are set properly so you can twist out at any time.<br />Symptoms: Immediate swelling. Loss of mobility.<br />Treatment:<br />• Rest it. The best thing you can do is stay off your feet and watch a lot of TV, read my book, catch up on some sleep. If you are going to exercise, do something non foot related such as swimming with a float between your knees, arm action only. <br />• Ice it. No more than twenty minutes, in twenty minute cycles. A thin cloth between the ice bag and your skin will keep from adding insult to injury. Gel ice bags work best for me, but a bag of frozen corn will do in a pinch. Ice religiously for the first day or two, depending on severity, and then switch to a revolving cycle of heat packs and ice packs. This will get the blood flowing to the area and decrease healing time.<br />• Ace it. Wrap an Ace bandage around the area, not so tightly it turns your skin blue, but enough to contain the swelling. There are mixed opinions about this, but if you are sure it is a sprain it is a good idea to immobilize the injury in the beginning stages.<br />• Elevate it. Lots of pillows supporting the entire leg, Elevation higher than your heart. Listen to more U2.<br />• Take two aspirin and call me in the morning.<br />MONTEZUMA GOES TO MAUI<br />“Everyone can master a grief,” wrote Shakespeare, “but he that has it.”<br /> Diarrhea, the modern word, resembles the old Greek expression for “a flowing through.” Ancient Egyptian doctors left descriptions of the suffering of Pharaohs scratched on papyrus even before Hippocrates, the old Greek, gave it a name few people can spell correctly. An equal opportunity affliction, diarrhea has laid low kings and common men, women, and children for at least as long as historians have recorded such fascinating trivia. It wiped out, almost, more soldiers in America’s Civil War than guns and swords. In the developing world today, acute diarrhea strikes more than one billion humans every year, and leaves more than five million dead, usually the very young. Diarrhea remains one of the two most common medical complaints of humanity.<br /> “Crikey, every man and his dog gets it,” says Crocky Steve Irwin. “The best thing you can eat and drink is coconut, because it is completely sterile.”<br /> Just don’t let it fall on your head.<br /> “Traveler’s diarrhea,” to note in passing, is not a specific disease but a syndrome. Although E. coli gets the nod as the cause of the largest number of traveler’s diarrheas, many of the water-borne or food-borne germs may be the source for any of these types of vacation spoilers:<br /> Giardia lamblia, a protozoa, heads the list of water-borne germs that cause “the runs.” It’s also a popular disease to have among hippies and new agers in Paia. “Oh, you are not feeling up to snuff? You must have Giardia! Far out! Let’s do a sweat lodge and cleanse, then maybe go for a colonic, followed by some heavy spiritual dusting!” After ingesting the little bugs, it takes one to three weeks, an average of nine days, before symptoms show up. Symptoms are among the most unpleasant of non-invasive diarrheas: loose and foul-smelling stools, cramps, rotten-egg burps, loss of energy, loss of appetite, loss of weight, and loss of people who once enjoyed your company. <br /> Escherichia coli, bacteria of which there are hundreds of strains, most of them living normal lives in the human gut, has a few rogue types that can cause E Hershey Squirtitus. E. coli, as a source of non-invasive diarrhea, typically gets swallowed in water, fresh or salt, and produces headache and nausea along with stinky, watery stools in as little as a few hours after ingestion. In one to three days, the sorrow ends. Invasive strains, ingested from water or food, can cause severe dysentery.<br /> Campylobacter, another bacterium, lives in the intestines of many wild hogs and goats and ends up in the waterfall pools and streams. Campylobacter can also thrive in spoiled food, and gets credit for infecting as much as one percent of the U. S. population every year. After an incubation period of four to seven days, infection brings on general discomfort, fever, cramps, and bloody diarrhea that lasts two to seven days, most often sending the sufferer in search of a doctor or a crate of TP.<br />You can get Shigella the same way, by drinking or even swimming in infested wilderness water. One to seven days later dysentery descends upon you. Fortunately, most sick people get better after a mild case of cramps and watery stools. But Shigella can cause severe dysentery, and sometimes sends one to the cemetery. Here lies Shiggy, who drank from water piggy.<br /> Norwalk virus, non-invasive, causes more food-related diarrhea than any other viral source. It spreads easily from one person to another. Though it may last a week, the vomiting and diarrhea the Norwalk virus brings rarely require a physician’s care.<br /> Cryptosporidium, another protozoa, infects a large number of animals who then leave reminders of their passing in wilderness water.<br />Treatment: Initially, the field management of all diarrheal illnesses looks the same: replace the lost water. Clear liquids are the best choice, liquids such as plain water, broths, herbal teas, fruit juices you can see through. I like Gatorade myself. If the illness continues and dehydration threatens, the diarheeant will grow weaker with bouts of lightheadedness and dizziness, and he or she will require additional electrolytes. You can pack Oral Rehydration Salts in your first aid kit, or whip up a mixture in your water bottle. To one liter of water add one teaspoon of salt and eight teaspoons of sugar. If you’ve got baking soda, through in a pinch, but you can get by without it. Mix well. Approximately one-third of the solution should be taken every hour along with all the plain water one can manage to get down, in sips. When you wizzerate, look for clear urine, the most reliable sign of a well hydrated person.<br /> Pepto-Bismol not only relieves some of the torture of diarrhea, but also, according to controlled studies (probably by Pepto Bismol), it provides reasonable protection against traveler’s diarrhea. Imodium, another and stronger over-the-counter drug, reduces the cramps of diarrhea and the frequency and volume of stools. With a prescription, Lomotil probably ranks as most seen at the scene of diarrhea. Beware: anti-diarrheal drugs should not be used if you think you have dysentery. Severe diarrhea, bloody stools, high fever, and tenacious vomiting are indications of something inside you that your body eagerly wants to get out. In case of dysentery, you should not be stopping the flow, and you should be looking for a physician.<br /> Antibiotic treatment is often prescribed for Ecoli dysentery, for example, metronidazole (Flagyl).<br /> If and when the problem subsides, eat bland foods such as bread, crackers, cereals, rice, potatoes, lentils, pasta, and bananas. Avoid alcohol, caffeine, spices, fruits, hard cheeses and other fat-laden foods.<br />RICE-A-RUNItc " RICE-A-RUNI" <br />A substance known as RF factor in boiled rice has been shown to block a diarrhea-related chloride channel thereby reducing the morbidity associated with diarrhea. A study conducted by Canadian scientists has demonstrated an inhibitory effect of RF factor on intestinal cells, reducing chloride secretion. The International Centre for Diarrheal Disease Research in Bangladesh, has been using boiled rice in rehydration packets, and the volume of stools have been shown to be reduce significantly. The molecular basis of the RF factor is not known, but the study strongly supports a concept which could have practical value in the future.<br />MOSQUITO BITES / DENGUE FEVERtc " MOSQUITO BITES / DENGUE FEVER" <br />Prevention: Travelers to tropical areas are advised to use DEET mosquito repellents on skin and clothing, to bring aerosol insecticides to use indoors, and use bednets.<br />Symptoms: Dengue fever is characterized by sudden onset, high fever, severe headaches, joint and muscle pain, nausea/vomiting, and rash. The rash may appear 3-4 days after the onset of fever. Infection is diagnosed by a blood test that detects the presence of the virus or antibodies. The illness may last up to 10 days, but complete recovery can take 2-4 weeks. Dengue is commonly confused with other infectious illnesses such as influenza, measles, malaria, typhoid, leptospirosis, and scarlet fever.. Travelers should alert their physician of any fever illnesses occurring within 3 weeks after leaving an endemic area. There is no vaccine for dengue fever; therefore, the traveler should avoid mosquito bites by remaining in well screened or air-conditioned areas. <br />Cure: The symptoms of dengue can be treated with bed rest, fluids, and medications to reduce fever, such as acetaminophen. Aspirin should be avoided See a physician.<br />BEE STINGStc " BEE STINGS" <br />Treatment: Oral and topical antihistamines should help prevent or reduce the itching and swelling. Try not to rub or scratch the sting site, because microbes from the surface of the skin could be introduced into the wound and result in an infection.<br /> When the sting is caused by a honey bee, the stinger usually remains in the skin when the insect leaves because the stinger is barbed. Remove the stinger as quickly as possible because venom continues to enter the skin from the stinger for 45 to 60 seconds following a sting. Much has been written about the proper way to remove a bee stinger, but new information indicates that it doesn’t matter how you get it out as long as it is removed as soon as possible. If removed within 15 seconds of the sting, the severity of the sting is reduced.<br /> After the stinger is removed, wash the wound and treat it. Several over-the-counter products or simply a cold compress can be used to alleviate the pain of a sting. Aerosol or cream antihistamine preparations that contain a skin coolant can also help. If the sting is followed by severe symptoms, or if it occurs on the neck or mouth, seek medical attention immediately because swelling in these areas of the body can cause suffocation.<br />Ice may help relieve pain, but meat tenderizer does not.<br />FIBRIO VERNIFICUStc " FIBRIO VERNIFICUS" <br />Prevention: Stay out of ponds and stagnant water. Avoid mud wrestling at all costs. <br />Symptoms: You feel sick, then you die.<br />Treatment: It’s such a rare disease, you can’t even find it on an internet search, but I know two people who have died from it., so it’s worth mentioning.<br />FOR DIVER’S ONLYtc " FOR DIVER’S ONLY" <br />HYPERACTIVE GAG:<br /> A hyperactive gag reflex can be a problem for some divers. If your regulator mouthpiece makes you gag, this can be hazardous.<br /> The first step is to simply experiment with different mouthpieces. A slightly different fit may cure your problem. If you identify a specific part of the mouthpiece that makes you gag, you can experiment by trimming a small portion away.<br /> “Desensitization” is a useful technique. After all, your tongue and teeth don’t make you gag, do they? If your mouth becomes used to having something in it, you won’t gag. Take the mouthpiece off your regulator. Now put it in your mouth while you read a book, watch TV, or putter around the house. Work up to an hour of time with the regulator in your mouth.<br /> Next, attach a light weight (a couple of ounces) by a six-inch string to the outside of the mouthpiece. Clean your house while the weight swings back and forth, tugging and pulling on the mouthpiece. When you can go an hour without gagging, you’re ready to dive gag-free.<br /> For more urgent relief of gagging, you can try a topical anesthetic, such as infant teething gel. This may decrease the sensitivity of the membranes in your mouth.<br />MASK SQUEEZE:<br /> “Mask squeeze” occurs when you don’t puff air into your mask. As you go down, the mask “sucks” on your face. This bursts small blood vessels around the eyes. It can cause bruising, subconjunctival hemorrhage (blood spots over the white of the eye), and swelling. It rarely causes injury inside the eyeball.<br /> The small hemorrhages in the skin fade in a few days. It can take a couple of weeks for subconjunctival hemorrhage to clear up. The blood may spread for a few days. This type of hemorrhage isn’t dangerous.<br /> See the doctor immediately if there is loss of vision, twinkling lights or shadows in your vision, or increasing pain.<br />SINUS SQUEEZEtc " SINUS SQUEEZE" <br /> Your sinuses are air-filled cavities that join onto the nasal passages. When you ascend or descend, the pressure in each sinus must adjust to match the air pressure in the nose. For those with healthy normal sinuses, this occurs automatically. But if the sinus openings are plugged by polyps, mucous, or congestion, “sinus squeeze” occurs.<br /> Mild cases can be treated by simply slowing your ascent and descent, and blowing gently into your nose — just as you do to equalize your ears. A mild salt-water spray (example Ocean) can decrease congestion around the sinus openings and clear mucous from your nose.<br /> More severe cases may require use of decongestants in pill form (example pseudoephedrine) or topical spray (example Afrin). Be aware that nasal decongestant sprays have a “rebound” effect — the congestion increases dramatically when the medicine wears off.<br /> If sinus problems are chronic, your doctor can prescribe a steroid nasal spray to decrease swelling and sensitivity in the nose. To be effective, this medicine must be started a week or two before the dive trip.<br />TEMPOROMANDIBULAR JOINT (TMJ) SYNDROMEtc " TEMPOROMANDIBULAR JOINT (TMJ) SYNDROME" <br /> TMJ syndrome is pain in the temporomandibular joint, where the jaw joins the skull. It’s common in scuba divers, and is caused by pressure on the joint as you bite the regulator mouthpiece.<br /> Symptoms can include pain in the temple or in front of the ear, headaches, clicking with jaw motion, locking of the jaw, and trouble fitting the teeth together.<br /> Most cases of “scuba TMJ syndrome” go away with antiinflammatory medicine like ibuprofen (800 mg three times a day). The joint should be rested. Stay on a diet that requires no chewing — such as milkshakes, applesauce, and puddings. Avoid any motion of the jaw that provokes pain. Periodic ice packs help decrease swelling and pain.<br /> If the symptoms resolve quickly, you may not need further care. Consider buying a regulator mouthpiece that extends back into the molar area, so you can hold the regulator with less clenching of the jaw.<br />DIVER’S HEADACHEtc " DIVER’S HEADACHE" <br />Diving can trigger headaches in several different ways: neck and back strain from improperly adjusted or too-heavy gear, dehydration, sun glare, masks that are too tight, aspiration of salt water, and the mental strain of calculating repetitive dive tables. However, the four most serious dive-related headaches are:<br />Carbon Dioxide Headaches<br />Symptom: Dull, throbbing headache after diving that does not respond to analgesics or migraine medications.<br />Cause: Carbon dioxide buildup in the body, usually due to improper breathing, which triggers increased blood flow to the brain.<br />Prevention:<br /> * Take deeper breaths. Check the fit of gear. A too-tight wetsuit or jacket-style BC can prevent your lungs from fully expanding.<br /> * Take more breaths. An abnormal time between breaths allows carbon dioxide buildup in the lungs and blood. Don’t skip breathe.<br />Anxiety/Tension Headaches<br />Symptoms: Pain in the back of neck and head.<br />Cause: Muscular tension in the neck and jaw caused by stress or anxiety over unfamiliar diving conditions.<br />Prevention:<br /> * Dive within your capabilities. Divers generally stop getting these headaches as they become more comfortable in their diving environment and learn to relax.<br />Sinus Headaches<br />Symptoms: Forehead or face pain on ascent or descent.<br />Cause: Inability to equalize pressure in the sinuses. Contributing factors include inflammation in the nose and sinuses, often caused by allergies or a cold.<br />Prevention:<br /> * Make slow descents and ascents, equalizing often.<br />Decompression Sickness Headaches<br />Symptom: Headache with neurological deficit.<br />Cause: Type II decompression sickness or arterial gas embolism.<br />Prevention:<br /> * Don’t take deep dives for long periods of time if you are not an experienced diver that adheres to dive tables.<br />NOSEBLEEDtc " NOSEBLEED" <br /> Nosebleeds are common in divers. Nosebleeds during descent are due to mask squeeze. Failure to equalize the pressure in the mask to match the water pressure creates a relative “vacuum” in the mask and nasal passages. This can make fragile blood vessels in the nasal membranes break. These nosebleeds can usually be prevented by slow descent and frequent equalization of the mask. If nosebleeds still occur on descent, they are due to “sinus squeeze” — unequal pressure between the sinuses and the nasal passages. Decongestants such as pseudoephedrine (sample brand, Sudafed) can help.<br /> Nosebleeds during ascent are usually due to congested sinus openings, causing “reverse” sinus squeeze. Higher pressure in a plugged sinus pushes the membranes around the sinus opening outward, causing a tear. Ascent nosebleeds can usually be prevented by slowing the ascent, and using decongestants prior to diving.<br /> If nosebleeds consistently occur on one side (despite use of oral decongestants and proper ascent/descent speeds and mask equalization) you can try a decongestant nasal spray (sample brand, Afrin) about an hour prior to diving, used only in the nostril that bleeds. Expect some rebound congestion in that nostril about 18 hours later.<br /> If a nosebleed doesn’t stop promptly as you exit the water, pinch the entire soft part of the nose shut for 15 minutes. If blood runs down the back of your throat, or if bleeding resumes when you release the pinch, blow all blood and clots out of the nose, then spray the bleeding nostril several times with a decongestant spray. Then pinch the nose again for 15 minutes.<br />REGULATOR MOUTHtc " REGULATOR MOUTH" <br /> “Regulator mouth,” the dryness from breathing dehumidified air, is increased by meclizine and scopolamine. A simple expectorant (guaifenesin) will keep your mouth more comfortable.<br />CPRtc " CPR" <br />CPR IN THREE SIMPLE STEPStc " CPR IN THREE SIMPLE STEPS" <br />(Please read this until you try to attend a CPR training course)<br />1. CALL<br />Check the victim for unresponsiveness. If there is no response, Call 911 and return to the victim. In most locations the emergency dispatcher can assist you with CPR instructions. <br />During cardiac arrest, the heart stops pumping blood, the blood pressure falls to zero and the pulse disappears. Within 10 seconds of cardiac arrest the person loses consciousness and becomes unresponsive. If you shake or shout at the victim, there will be no response. Sometimes a person in cardiac arrest may make grunting, gasping or snoring type breathing sounds for a couple of minutes. Do not be confused by this abnormal type of breathing. If a person is unresponsive (doesn’t respond to shouts or shakes) and not breathing (or breathing abnormally) then call 911 and begin CPR.<br />2. BLOW<br />Tilt the head back and listen for breathing. If not breathing normally, pinch nose and cover the mouth with yours and blow until you see the chest rise. Give 2 breaths. Each breath should take 2 seconds. <br />Remember, a person in cardiac arrest may have abnormal breathing for a couple of minutes. This abnormal breathing is called “agonal respiration” and is the result of the brain’s breathing center sending out signals even though circulation has ceased. The key point is that the abnormal breathing may sound like grunting, gasping or snoring. It disappears in 2-3 minutes. If you see this type of breathing DO NOT delay CPR. The person desperately needs air and only you can provide it.<br />3. PUMP<br />If the victim is still not breathing normally, coughing or moving, begin chest compressions. Push down on the chest 11/2 to 2 inches 15 times right between the nipples. Pump at the rate of 100/minute, faster than once per second. <br />In general the chest should be pushed down 11/2-2 inches. Sometimes you may hear a cracking sound. Do not be alarmed. The sound is caused by cartilage or ribs cracking. Even if this occurs the damage is not serious. The risk of delaying CPR or not doing CPR is far greater than the risk of a broken rib.<br />Complications of CPRtc " Complications of CPR" <br />Vomiting is the most frequently encountered complication of CPR. If the victim starts to vomit, turn the head to the side and try to sweep out or wipe off the vomit. Continue with CPR.<br />The spread of infection from the victim to the rescuer is exceedingly rare. Most cardiac arrests occur in people’s homes - relatives or friends will be the ones needing to do CPR. Even CPR performed on strangers has an exceedingly rare risk of infection. There is NO documentation of HIV or AIDS ever being transmitted via CPR.<br />The pulse check is no longer taught or expected of laypersons. Instead, if you see no signs of life (defined as breathing normally, coughing or moving) you should begin to pump on the chest. Please note that the pulse check is still expected of health case providers.<br />CPR for Children (Ages 1-8)<br />CPR for children is similar to performing Quick CPR for adults. There are, however, 4 differences.<br />1) If you are alone with the child give one minute of CPR before calling 911<br />2) Use the heel of one hand for chest compressions<br />3) Press the sternum down 1 to 1.5 inches<br />4) Give 1 full breath followed by 5 chest compressions<br />• Shout and gently tap the child on the shoulder. If there is no response, position the infant on his or her back<br />• Open the airway using a head tilt lifting of chin. Do not tilt the head too far back.<br />• If the baby is NOT breathing give 2 small gentle breaths. Cover the baby’s mouth and nose with your mouth. Each breath should be 1.5 to 2 seconds long. You should see the baby’s chest rise with each breath.<br />• Give five gentle chest compressions at the rate of 100 per minute. Position your 3rd and 4th fingers in the center of the chest half an inch below the nipples. Press down only 1/2 to 1 inches.<br />• Repeat with 1 breath and 5 compressions. After one minute of repeated cycles call 911 and continue giving breaths and compressions.<br />CPR What Ifstc " CPR What Ifs" <br /> During the CPR, what is the percentage of heart efficiency as a pump? The best estimate of the heart efficiency during CPR is 10-30% of normal. It is true that sometimes a person may be unconscious and their heart is still beating and they may still be breathing. Such a situation, for example, may occur in someone who has just had a grand mal seizure. If you tried to do CPR on such a person he or she would probably groan and even try to push you away. This would be your clue that they did not need CPR. CPR is intended only for someone whose heart and breathing has stopped. If the victim moves or pushes you away, you should stop CPR. The ratio of chest compressions to mouth-to-mouth is the same for 2 person CPR as for 1 person CPR, namely 15:2. When performing CPR, how do I know if its working? The only way to tell is to see if the chest rises with ventilation and if the chest compression results in a pulse. Someone has to feel the femoral artery while the other compresses the chest in order to see if the chest compression results in a pulse. If you are unsure whether you are doing CPR correctly during an emergency situation don’t stop. Its better to perform CPR imperfectly than not at all. If a person has had bypass surgery, and a situation occurs that they require CPR, are there any special considerations that need to be made? No, CPR should be done in the regular fashion. What if the victim has a pulse, but is not breathing? Then continue with mouth to mouth respiration and continue to check the pulse every minute or so. Can I kill someone if I do CPR incorrectly? No. Remember the person in cardiac arrest is already clinically dead. CPR can only help. Even if it’s not done “letter perfect” it will probably provide some benefit to the victim. What if I crack a rib when I do CPR? Frequently ribs are broken with the pressure CPR places on the sternum. Some studies quote up to 30% of cardiac arrest victims have broken ribs as a result of CPR. This happens more frequently the older the victim since the cartilage is less compliant and the bones more easily crackable. But remember, it’s better to have a cracked rib then be dead. Will CPR always save a life? No, in fact, most instances of CPR for cardiac arrest are unsuccessful.What is the recovery position? Assuming the person has a pulse and is breathing, the recovery position means placing the person on his or her side. This allows for the person not to choke on saliva and helps keep the airway open. What should you do for a person who has been accidentally shocked by electricity? A person with electric shock (assuming the shock doesn’t severely damage the body) often dies from the heart going into ventricular fibrillation. Such a person needs CPR and it should be performed in the regular fashion. If CPR begins quickly and if a defibrillator arrives quickly this person has an excellent chance of survival. I want to know what the current teachings are on helping a choking victim. I have heard conflicting information on back blows for an adult. Is it still recommended, or discouraged? The first action to take is the Heimlich maneuver. This should be done in adults instead of back blows since back blows may lodge the foreign body further down the windpipe. Back blows are the first thing to do only in infants who are conscious. In doing the back blows the infant should be in a face down position, ie the head is lower than the body. What if the victim vomits? Vomit is obviously unpleasant. If it happens (and it may in one out of 20 cardiac arrests) merely turn the head to the side and wipe out the vomit as best you can with your finger. If someone has an asthma attack and collapses, what should a person do? Will CPR help? If someone collapses from an asthma attack, it is because he or she is not getting enough oxygen. This is because all the lung’s small airways have narrowed and are not allowing enough air to reach the air sacs. Mouth to mouth respiration may help a little. The real need is to get this person to an emergency department so that the patient can receive medications and emergency endotracheal intubation (a tube in the main airway). What are some of the causes of CPR being used for in infants and children? Usually CPR in infants and children is performed for respiratory arrest such as severe asthma. Ventricular fibrillation is rare in children but very common in older adults. In regards to administering the Heimlich Maneuver to a victim while they are lying down. Should the head be facing up, as when administering CPR (in order to clear the airway), or to the side? The victims head should be facing up with the victim on his/her back. Since the airway is blocked you shouldn’t spend much time positioning the head. The Heimlich maneuver is the most important thing to do and should unblock the airway. What if the victim is wearing dentures? Keep them in place if possible as they will allow for a better seal of your mouth on his/hers. Can I get AIDS from doing CPR? No. There has never been a documented case of AIDS transmitted by CPR. What are agonal respirations? When the heart stops beating in cardiac arrest the breathing center in the brain is still alive for a couple of minutes and will cause the victim to take a few abnormal breaths. These abnormal breaths associated in dying are called agonal respirations. They may appear like snoring, gasping, or snorting and will disappear in a couple of minutes. Don’t let abnormal breathing stop you from starting CPR. What if I’m not sure whether I feel a pulse in the neck of the victim? Go on to the next step of CPR and give chest compressions. If a person moves when I do CPR should I stop? Yes, if a person moves his arms or legs they probably don’t need CPR. When should I stop CPR? When help arrives to take over, or the victim starts to move. What chance does the person (on whom I perform CPR) have of surviving? If you do CPR on a person whose heart has stopped beating there is a 30% chance the person will live if a defibrillator can arrive within several minutes to shock the heart. What should I do if I’m alone and I do not know CPR? If you are alone and don’t know how to do CPR call 911 and ask the emergency dispatcher to give you instructions over the phone. What is the reason calling 911 occurs after 1 minute of CPR for infants and children whereas for adults, the call is made immediately? It is because airway problems are the main cause of cardiac arrest in infants and trying to correct that problem takes precedent over calling 911. In a trekking guidebook I own it states that if there has been a trauma fall and the victim has no pulse, then CPR is futile, is this true? Doing CPR in the wilderness is futile. I would, however, make an attempt to open the airway and perhaps give several ventilations. You may be dealing with respiratory arrest and a little mouth to mouth could be lifesaving.<br />CHOKINGtc " CHOKING" <br />Conscious Adult and children (1-8 years old)<br />How to help clear an obstructed airway in a conscious adult or child:<br />Step 1: Determine if the person can speak or cough. If not, proceed to the next step. <br />Step 2: Perform an abdominal thrust (Heimlich Maneuver) repeatedly until the foreign body is expelled. <br />Step 3: A chest thrust may be used for markedly obese persons or in late stages of pregnancy. <br />Step 4: If the adult or child becomes unresponsive perform CPR- if you see an object in the throat or mouth, remove it. <br />First Aid for a Choking Conscious Infant (<1 years old)<br /> Step 1: Determine if the infant can cry or cough. If not, proceed to next step.<br />Step 2: Give 5 back blows. <br />Step 3: Give 5 chest thrusts. <br />Step 4: Repeat steps 2 & 3 above until effective or the infant becomes unconscious. If the infant becomes unresponsive, perform CPR- if you see an object in the throat or mouth, remove it.<br />CONTINUE WITH 2 BREATHS AND 5 PUMPS UNTIL HELP ARRIVES<br />NOTE: This ratio is the same for one-person & two-person CPR. In two-person CPR the person pumping the chest stops while the other gives mouth-to-mouth breathing.<br />INJURY FROM FALL (AS IN OFF A CLIFF)<br />Initial Surveytc " Initial Survey" <br /> An Initial Survey is used to identify and treat any immediate threats to life. Immediate loss of life will be from 1) loss of AIRWAY, 2) inadequate BREATHING, 3) loss of adequate CIRCULATION because the heart has stopped or too much of the patient’s blood is in the wrong place (e.g., on the ground), or 4) extensive DISABILITY from damage to the cervical spine (the neck). The letters ABCDE are reminders of what to do in an Initial Survey. The E stands for EXPOSURE and ENVIRONMENT. Read on.<br />Airwaytc " Airway" <br /> An airway starts at the nose and mouth and ends deep in the chest where oxygen is exchanged for carbon dioxide. If it’s not open all the way, it won’t work. In an unconscious victim, the most common airway obstructions are the back of the tongue and the epiglottis. By tilting the head back and lifting the chin—the head tilt-chin lift maneuver— most airways can be opened. With concern for cervical spine damage, which could result from a fall, the head tilt-chin lift is not used since it may cause further injury. You would opt for the jaw thrust: securing the patient’s head and pushing the jaw straight up by lifting the corners of the jawbone. Movement of no more than one-half inch should open the airway.<br /> If you find a victim that appears unconscious, check immediately for responsiveness by placing your hand gently but firmly on his forehead and asking in a loud voice: “Are you OK?” If he does not respond, open his airway with the jaw thrust and place your ear near his mouth to LOOK, LISTEN and FEEL for air movement. LOOK in the mouth for blood or vomit and, if it’s there, sweep it out as best you can.<br />Breathingtc " Breathing" <br />If he’s breathing, move on to circulation. If no breathing can be detected, you should attempt to breath for him with mouth-to-mouth ventilations. If your first two ventilations go in, and the chest rises as you breath in showing that air is getting into the lungs, that means the patient has an adequate airway but is not using it. You must keep breathing for this person, but you should check for a pulse before continuing.<br />tc " " <br />Circulationtc " Circulation" <br />Place two or three of your fingers over the carotid artery, in the valley between the windpipe and the large neck muscle, just below the angle of the jaw. If you find a pulse, continue rescue breathing, if necessary, by giving one ventilation at least every five seconds. (If the victim is a child, give breaths faster—at least once every 4 seconds.)<br />Rescue breathing is useless if the victim does not have a beating heart to push around the blood you’re oxygenating with your breath. Cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) is a necessary skill for a rescuer, a skill that involves airway management as well as artificial ventilations and chest compressions that simulate the patient’s basic life processes. CPR needs to be seen live and practiced to be learned well. Courses are offered regularly by either the American Heart Association or the American Red Cross in most communities.<br />tc " " <br />Bleedingtc " Bleeding" <br />Life-threatening arterial bleeding pulses or spurts from a wound each time the patient’s heart beats. Venous bleeding, which can also be serious, flows smoothly and rapidly.<br />NOTE: Putting your hands on someone else’s blood these days is not recommended without protective gloves. Your call.<br /> Down through the cervical vertebrae runs the all-important spinal cord. If its nerve messages are impeded by damage, the result is often permanent paralysis or death. In the primary phase of treatment any patient who might have a cervical spine injury should be kept still with calm words and hands on the head until secondary treatment can be applied.<br />Highly suspect injuries include:<br />1) those that leave the victim unconscious.<br />2) those that are produced by potentially neck-breaking mechanisms such as sudden forceful stops from any high speed movement, falls from a height, and diving from a height accidents.<br />3) those that cause the patient to complain of neck pain.<br />4) those that produce tenderness in the neck (it hurts when you touch there).<br />5) those that produce altered sensations in the extremities (tingling, numbness, the inability to move hands or feet).<br />Vital Signs are measurements of the physiological processes necessary for normal functioning. They do not tell you what is wrong, but they do tell you how the patient is doing. They include:<br />1. Level of Consciousness: A prime indicator, a check on how well the brain is communicating with the outside world. Use the AVPU scale for quick reference. (A) Is he Alert, able to tell you who he is, where he is, when it is, and what happened? (V) Does he respond to Verbal stimuli but inappropriately? Does he grunt or moan in response to questions? (P) Does he respond only to Painful stimuli, such as a pinch to the back of the upper arm? (U) Is he Unresponsive? As his level of consciousness decreases, his condition worsens.<br />2. Skin: Normal skin is pink (in non-pigmented areas such as the inner surface of the eyelids and the fingernail beds), warm, and very slightly moist. As skin color, temperature, and moisture changes, the patient’s condition changes.<br />3. Heart Rate: Count the number of heartbeats per minute. For speed, count for 15 seconds and multiply by four. Note the quality of the pulse. Is it weak or strong, regular or irregular? Normal heart rates are strong and regular, and approximately 60-80 beats per minute.<br />4. Breathing Rate: Count the number of breaths per minute. Normal lungs work about 12-20 times per minute at any easy, regular pace. If no one has a watch, check anyway. At least you can get a rough idea of how well the patient is doing.<br />Physical Examtc " Physical Exam" <br />Check the person from head to toe in order to find any damaged parts. LOOK for wounds, swelling or other deformities. ASK where it hurts, if the patient can respond. FEEL gently but firmly, a massage-like action with your hands spread wide to elicit a pain response but without causing further damage. Even unconscious patients will typically flinch in response to a painful stimulus.<br />Patient Interviewtc " Patient Interview" <br />More information is usually gathered by subjective questioning that by objective checking. Hopefully, the patient will be able provide the answers. Sometimes witnesses are sources of important information. Sometimes you’re up a medical creek without an interviewing paddle.<br />The SAMPLE Questions:<br />S for Signs and Symptoms: pain, nausea, lightheadedness, etc.<br />A for Allergies: any known allergic reactions?<br />M for Medications: anything legal or illegal?<br />P for Past History: anything like this ever happened before?<br />L for Last Oral Intake: when was food or drink last consumed?<br />E for Events: what lead up to the accident or illness?<br />S.O.A.P.<br />S for Subjective information: who, what, where, when, how, SAMPLE.<br />O for Objective information: vital signs, results of victim’s examination.<br />A for Assessment: what you think is wrong.<br />P for Plan: what you’re going to do.<br />LEPROSYtc " LEPROSY" <br /> Haoles were not to blame for all the diseases that came to the islands. In the mid 1800s leprosy, or Ma’i Pake (today called Hansen’s Disease) was brought to Hawaii by the Chinese, who came to labor in the sugar cane fields. Many Hawaiians were stricken. <br /> Of all the skin diseases, Leprosy has been the most notorious to strike the islands. Molokai in particular is steeped in leper legacy. Since there was no cure for the disease, strict isolation was the only means available to keep the disease from spreading. In 1866 the first sufferers were abandoned on Kalaupapa, a small peninsula on the north side of Molokai. Surrounded on three sides by the Pacific Ocean and with sea cliffs 2000 feet high on the fourth, Kalaupapa was a prison from which escape was impossible.<br /> Father Damien, a Belgian priest, came to Molokai in 1873 to minister to the needs of the dying. Through his ministry and labors, order was created where there had been only suffering and chaos. He succumbed to the disease in 1889.<br /> Sulfone drugs were developed in the early 1940s, which put the disease in remission and the carriers were no longer contagious. Today less than 100 residents call Kalaupapa home. The peninsula is now a National Historic Site administered by the US Park Service.<br /> While Kalaupapa is a National Historic Site, it is also the home of the few former patients who have chosen to remain there. Access by law is strictly regulated. Unless you are invited by one of the residents, you must take the tour offered by Damien Tours of Kalaupapa (about $40). The peninsula can be reached by air or by way of the trail that snakes down the sheer cliffs 1600 feet from upper Molokai. Visitors can hike in and out or ride one of the famous Molokai mules. Either way, Molokai Mule Ride can make the necessary arrangements. Visitors must be at least 16 years old.<br />APPENDIX B <br />Hurricane, Flood or Tsunami Checklist<br /> <br />FAMILY PREPAREDNESStc " FAMILY PREPAREDNESS" <br /> Preparing for natural disaster... whether it’s a hurricane, tsunami, flood, or some other event...could mean the difference in survival. Taking the time to assemble a Disaster Supplies Kit to meet the basic needs of your household will help bridge the temporary loss of everyday conveniences. What would you do without food, water, and electricity? Your supply kit should be built around basic items which help cope with these and other personal hardships.<br /> The time to prepare a disaster supplies kit is now. During an emergency, supplies will be in big demand and stores will run out of inventory quickly. And once disaster hits, there won’t be time to search for supplies. The American Red Cross recommends six basics to stock at home: water, food, first aid supplies, clothing, bedding, tools and emergency supplies, and special items. Keep items you would most likely need during an evacuation in an easy to carry container.<br />For more information, contact your county civil defense agency or local chapter of the American Red Cross.<br />Below are guidelines to consider for basic disaster supplies. <br />WATERtc " WATER" <br />Store 1 gallon of water per person per day (2 quarts for drinking, 2 quarts for food preparation and sanitation). Keep at least a 3 - day supply of water for each person in your household. To purify water for safe drinking supply: Boil vigorously 1 - 3 minutes.<br />Use purification tablets available at most drug stores. Follow package directions. In worst case scenario, use household bleach. <br />tc " " <br />FOODtc " FOOD" <br />Store at least a 3 - day supply of nonperishable food. Select items which don’t require refrigeration, preparation or cooking, and little or no water. * Include a selection from food listing below in your Disaster Supplies Kit.<br />Suggestions:<br />• Ready - to - eat canned meats, fruits and vegetables. <br />• Canned juices, milk, soup. (If powdered, store extra water) <br />• Staples - sugar, salt, pepper, etc. <br />• High energy foods - peanut butter, jelly, crackers, granola bars, trail mix <br />• Vitamins <br />• Foods for infants, elderly or persons on special diets. (Do not use left - over baby food if not refrigerated) <br />• Comfort/stress foods - cookies, hard candy, sweetened cereals, instant coffee, tea bags, etc. <br />• Extra pet food <br />• Use perishable foods in refrigerator and freezer first. <br />• Make extra ice <br />• Freeze extra freeze - pack inserts and keep them frozen for emergencies <br />• Buy a cooler <br />• Freeze water in plastic containers (do not fill to top before freezing - allow for expansion) <br />• Know where to buy dry ice. 25 lbs. of dry ice should hold a 10 - cubic foot full freezer cold for 3 - 4 days. (Note: dry ice may be limited on some islands.) <br />• At least 7 gallons per person of water<br />• Battery-operated television or radio<br />• Battery-operated clock<br />• Spare batteries<br />• Manual can opener<br />• Flashlights<br />• Waterproof matches<br />• Toilet paper<br />• Baby supplies (if necessary)<br />• Cash (automatic teller machines may not work after the storm)<br />• Sunscreen<br />• Bleach or water purification tablets<br />• Soap and detergent<br />• Rain gear<br />• Charcoal and lighter fluid<br />• Disposable plates, glasses and utensils<br />• Ice chest and ice<br />• Valuable papers in a waterproof bag or container<br />• Extra supply of necessary medicine<br />• Nonperishable food: canned meats (Spam, chicken, ham), fish (tuna, sardines); canned soups, dried fruits, cereal, crackers, coffee and iced tea, peanut butter and jelly, pudding, powdered or evaporated milk, and canned spaghetti, soup, stew and chili.<br />• Pet food.<br />• Mess kits, or paper cups, plates & plastic utensils <br />• Emergency preparedness manual <br />• Battery operated radio and extra batteries<br />• Flashlight and extra batteries <br />• Cash or traveler´s checks, change <br />• Non - electric can opener; utility knife <br />• Fire extinguisher, small canister, ABC type <br />• Tube tent <br />• Pliers <br />• Tape <br />• Compass <br />• Matches in waterproof container <br />• Aluminum foil <br />• Plastic storage containers <br />• Signal flare <br />• Paper, pencil <br />• Needles, thread <br />• Medicine dropper <br />• Shut - off wrench to turn off household gas and water <br />• Whistle <br />• Plastic sheeting <br />• Area map ( if needed for locating shelters) <br />• Soap, liquid detergent <br />• Feminine supplies <br />• Plastic garbage bags, ties <br />• Plastic bucket with tight lid <br />• Disinfectant <br />• Household chlorine bleach <br />CLOTHING AND BEDDING<br />• Include at least one complete change of clothing and footwear per person.<br />• Sturdy shoes or work boots <br />• Rain gear <br />• Blankets or sleeping bags <br />• Sunglasses <br />SPECIAL ITEMStc " SPECIAL ITEMS" <br />Remember family members with special needs, such as infants, elderly or disabled persons.<br />Important Family Documents - Keep these records in a waterproof, portable container. (Important documents and valuables are best kept in a bank safety deposit box.)<br />• Will, insurance policies, contracts, deeds, stocks and bonds <br />• Passports, social security cards, immunization records <br />• Bank account and credit card numbers, companies <br />• Inventory of valuable household goods, important telephone numbers <br />• Family records - birth, marriage, death certificates <br />SUGGESTIONS AND REMINDERStc " SUGGESTIONS AND REMINDERS" <br />• Store your kit in a convenient place known to all family members. Keep a smaller version of the Disaster Supplies Kit in the trunk of your car. <br />• Keep items in air tight plastic bags. <br />• Change stored water supply every six months so it stays fresh. <br />• Rotate stored food every six months. <br />• Re - think supply kit and family needs at least once a year. Replace batteries, update clothing, etc. <br />• Ask your physician or pharmacist about storing prescription medications. <br />YOUR FAMILY EMERGENCY PLANtc " YOUR FAMILY EMERGENCY PLAN" <br />NOTE. Most shelters in Hawaii are not equipped to provide meals, beds, or emergency care. You must bring food, clothing, bedding, and special items with you. Pets are not allowed in shelters. Contact your local humane society or vet for information on how to care for pets and livestock in a disaster.<br />• Contact your local civil defense office or American Red Cross chapter for information on preparedness. See the Emergency Information section in the white pages of telephone directories for information and instructions. <br />• Meet with family members to discuss what to do in an emergency. <br />• Plan how your family will stay in contact if separated by disaster. <br />• Pick two meeting places: <br />• a location a safe distance from your home in case of fire; <br />• a place outside your neighborhood in case you can’t return home. <br />• Choose an off - island or out - of - state friend or relative as a “check - in contact” for everyone to call. <br />• Post emergency telephone numbers by every phone. <br />• Show responsible family members how and when to shut off water, gas and electricity at main switches. <br />• Install a smoke detector on each level of your home, especially near bedrooms. Test monthly and change batteries at least twice • Contact your local fire department to learn more about fire hazards. <br />• Learn first aid and CPR. Contact your local chapter of the American Red Cross for information and training. <br />• Meet with neighbors to plan how the neighborhood could work together after a disaster. <br />• Practice and maintain your family emergency plan. <br />RESOURCES<br />“Your Family Disaster Supplies Kit”, American Red Cross, FEMA L - 189, ARC 4463, rev 1992.<br />“Disaster Food Planning”, Hawaii Department of Health Nutrition Branch, 1995.<br />“Handbook for Emergency Preparedness”, Hawaiian Electric Company, 1996.<br />“Emergency Checklist”, Hawaii State Civil Defense, 1987<br />APPENDIX Ctc " APPENDIX C" <br />COMMON HAWAIIAN WORDStc " COMMON HAWAIIAN WORDS" <br />Moon mahina<br />Morning kakahiaka<br />Night po<br />Beach kahakai<br />Noon awakea<br />Beautiful nani<br />Big, large nui<br />Birth hanau<br />Ocean kai, moana<br />Ocean-side ma kai<br />Owl pueo<br />Candlenut tree kukui<br />Chant, song mele, oli<br />Chief ali’I<br />Child keiki<br />Cliff pali<br />Porch, patio lanai<br />Come hele mai<br />Pregnant hapai<br />Problems pilikia<br />Cowboy paniolo<br />Quick, fast wiki wiki<br />Dead make<br />Delicious ‘ono<br />Earth papa<br />Sky wakea<br />Royalty ali’i<br />Shark mano<br />Excellence pono<br />Family ‘ohana<br />Sleep moe moe<br />Smart akamai<br />Finished pau<br />Flower pua<br />Food kaukau<br />Sugar kane<br />Teacher kumu<br />Thank you mahalo<br />Turtle honu<br />Heaven lani<br />Visitor malihini<br />Hello aloha<br />Your kou<br />Help kokua <br />Warrior kekoa<br />Hospitality ho’okipa<br />House hale <br />Wind makani<br />Inland, mountainside mau ka<br />Island moku<br />Windward ko ‘olau<br />Leeward kona<br />Woman wahine<br />Man Kane<br />Work hana<br />Happy ha’ole<br />Maka new<br />Year makahiki (Ha’ole Maka Hiki Ho)<br />Mele merry<br />Christmas kalikimaka (Mele Kalikimaka)<br />Lover ipo<br />PIDGIN (slang)<br />Haole: Hello. I’ve been meaning to ask you exactly how old you actually are.<br />Local: Howzit. Ancients, eh grampa?<br />Haole: Pardon me. Your actions make me seriously doubt your manhood.<br />Local: Wot. Panty?<br />Haole: Let’s go with it.<br />Local: Shoots!<br />Haole: Excuse me, you seem to be blocking my path of travel. Would you mind stepping to the side please?<br />ocal: Try move, anh?<br />Haole: Please officer, I give you my word that I will no longer travel in excess of the speed limit. I beg you not to write that ticket.<br />Local: Eh, you know my uncle?<br />How’s it? ‘owzit!<br />See you later. Laters<br />Go for it. Chance em<br />the best Moah bettah<br />It’s true, brother Eh, fo’ real, brah<br />a dirty look stink eye<br />Don’t get mad No huhu<br />Tastes really good Broke da mouth<br />Get plenty Choke<br />Spank, Whoopin Dirty Lick’ns<br />Everything eryding<br />Amazing Hoooo<br />Okay Shoots<br />For a lot more and to hear it, go to<br />PERSONAL TOP FIVE FAVORITES<br />Favorite Fish: I prefer deep water fish. They have a better taste, are firmer and smell less fishy. 1. Opakapaka 2. Onaga 3. Ahi 4. Swordfish 5. Ulua<br />Favorite Beaches: 1. Makena 2. Tunnels 3. Keawekapu 4. Haupuna 5. Baldwin<br />Favorite Surf Spots: 1. Spartan Reef 2. Sunset Beach 3. Canons 4. Thousand Peaks 5. Diamond Head <br />Favorite Body/BoogieBoard Spots: 1. Makena 2 .Honolua Bay 3. Sandy’s 4. Brennecke’s 5. Keawekapu <br />Favorite Windsurfing Spots: 1. Spartan Reef 2. Big Kanaha 3. Hookipa 4. Happy Opu 5. Kauai<br />Favorite Dive Spots: 1.Turtle Reef 2. Cathedrals 3. Backside Molokini 4. Frontside Molokini 5. Big Island<br />Favorite Snorkel Spots 1.Kealekekua Bay 2. Tunnels 3. Ahihi Bay 4. Backside Lanai 5. Afternoon Molokini <br />Favorite Restaurants: 1. Mama’s Fish House 2. Haiilimaile General Store 3. Humuhumunukunuku Grand Wailea 4. Kimo’s 5. Lahaina Provision Company (Hyatt Maui)<br />Favorite Hotels: 1. Grand Wailea 2. Outriggers (I’m cheap) 3. Orchid 4. Hanalei 5. Turtle Bay Sheraton <br />Favorite Road Bike Ride: 1. Up Haleakala 2. Down Haleakala 3. Haiku-Hana 4. Iron Man 5. Ulupalakua<br />Favorite Mtn. Bike Ride: 1. PoliPoli 2. Nahiku 3. Big Island 4. Lanai 5. Mauna Kea<br />Favorite Sail: 1. Keawekapu Beach-Makena-Molokini 2. Pailolo Channel 3. Napali Coast 4. Lahaina-Around Lanai 5. Diamond Head<br />Favorite Hike: 1. Napali Coast 2. Haleakala Crater Sliding Sands-Switchbacks 3. Volcanoes Restricted Haole Area 4. Garden Of The Gods (Lanai) 5. Oheo Gulch Waterfalls<br />Favorite Camp: 1. Haleakala 2. Seven Sacred Pools 3. Napali Coast 4. Wainapanapa 5. Napali Trail Head <br />Favorite Fruit: 1. Mango 2. Papaya 3. Lilikoi 4. Pineapple 5. Starfruit<br />Favorite Nut: 1. Macadamia 2. Coconut 3. Myself<br />Favorite Drink: 1. Pina-Colada (Jamba Juice) 2. Protein Papaya (make it myself)<br />Favorite Surf Shop: 1. Hi-Tech 2. Honolua Surf Co. 3. Town&Country 4. HIC 5. Blue Hawaii<br />Favorite Windsurf Shop: 1. Hi-Tech 2. Maui Sails 3. Hawaiian Surf&Sport 4. Naish Hawaii 5. Maui Windsurf Company<br />Favorite Luau: 1. Drums of the Pacific (firedancers) 2. Old Lahaina Luau (dancing, grounds) 3. Maui Marriott (comical) 4. Polynesian Cultural Center (grand) 5. Coconut Beach Luau (cuz it’s Kauai)<br />