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Bad Manners Bible

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Another brilliant and hilarious animated series concept written by Bob Camp and Joe Orrantia. …

Another brilliant and hilarious animated series concept written by Bob Camp and Joe Orrantia.

This would make for a great web series or a branded show on Adult Swim, Cartoon Network or Comedy Central.

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  • 1. FEATURE STORY introducing... The Family Guy meets Desperate Housewives Welcome to East Larb, home to the swamp, which West Larb the Manners family. It's a sleepy had previously sunk into. The little berg full of teenage twits, no- town is bordered on the west by account ne'er-do-wells, unfaithful a vast sea of garbage and on the spouses, white trash They've got more east by a monolithic ind- dirty laundry ustrial eyesore called Romeos trailer park trollops and power mad than the men's Tarlton Fats. It is the correction facility largest fat rendering plant millionaires. They've got more dirty laundry in Chino California. in the tri-state area and than the men's correction facility the chief employer in East Larb. in Chino California. Back in the Two powerful dynasties, the 70's, Old Man Slyde-Welle sold Slyde-Welles and the Tarltons T West Larb to the government. An rule the town. It's the classic interstate freeway was built that story of old families with no his weekly animated was going to put Larb on the map. money and new money with dramedy focuses on This freeway promptly sank into no taste. all the white trash back stabbing, incest, evil twins and multiple personalities in the smelly town of East Larb, and more specifically on the Manners family and their daughter, Blythe; a teenage girl whose perfect life is driving her insane.
  • 2. 2 Frank and Sunny are the proud parents of the perfect Blythe Manners. She hates her parents for under- standing her, and thinks, “If you really loved me you get a divorce!” She begs her mom to become alcoholic or her dad to have an affair to make her life seem more pitiful. She even wishes she was more intelligent so she could be complex. Frank is a world- renowned explorer, biologist, botanist, archeologist, ping-pong champion and photographer for rational Geographic magazine. He is true-blue, fearless and well, perfect. Sunny is everything Martha Stewart aspires to be. She makes Betty Crocker look like a Denny’s fry-cook. She’s a best-selling suspense novelist; the worlds champ at Pictionary, an internationally famous performer of interpretative dance and a pretty fair modern jazz lute player. She does everything with flair, taste, grace, and class. Carlton Tarlton owns all of the most valuable things in East Larb. He has perfect female breasts, which are revealed deep into season one that he straps down before going to the office.Carlton is a clean freak and an obsessive-compulsive. He is having an affair with Asia Wienbaum, his wife’s best friend . His wife, Charlene is the ice queen, a spoiled rich society bitch with no life of her own that feeds on the sordid lives of her fellow Larbians like a vampire. Carlton bought her a swanky little boutique called ‘Feminine Wiles’ that caters to divorcees and women preparing to commit adultery. This is the gossip hub of the female community.
  • 3. 3 The Slyde-Welle family lives in their ancestral manse, Slyde-Welle Hall. The hall sits on a promontory over-looking the sea of garbage, which laps up on the shores of East Larb. Old Man Slyde- Welle is so bitter, he can put a cucumber in his pocket and in one hour, viola! It’s a pickle! Slyde-Welle is probably the most feared and hated man in town. Almost all of his bodily systems have failed him save his bile ducts and diarrhea gland. Bannister is a spoiled, no-good, cowardly, snobby, rich, playboy, liar, who is always trying to find the best way to screw you over. He is the heir-apparent to the Slyde-Welle throne and the owner of a seedy local nightclub called the ‘Pink Needle’. Sienna is the young attractive, shrew daughter of the old man. When she and her brother aren’t trying to best each other or plotting their father’s murder, they plan the ruin of the rest of the town. Druthers is the butler for the Slyde-Welles. He does the old man’s dirty work, which includes getting rid of dead bodies. He also gets rid of bodies for the whole town on a free-lance basis. Caleb is in 2nd Grade and is 17 years old. He is the mean one and Ezekial is the cruel one. Ezekial’s 14. He’s also in the second grade. They are the Thomas Edison and Louis Pasture of mayhem, torture and vandalism. Their favorite movies are ‘Night of the Hunter’, ‘Taxi Driver’, and The Deer Hunter’. The only person they fear is their stepfather, Father Liebenvonhast. Their real fathers (as yet unknown to them) are Old Man Slyde-Welle and Carlton Tarlton. Minnie is mother to the Hoover boys who were both born out of wedlock. Minnie is enormous. In fact, she was voted Lard Queen at the county Fat Stock Show ten years running. Larb men love her.
  • 4. NODE'S NEWS 4 Episode 1 other hand Blythe wants more graphed the barf exchange stories. than anything to be like her, with Huffhinds. It is Carlton to follow her, to go through Tarlton, heinous billionaire. A In a confessional Goldie Written by Bob Camp and Joe her garbage. woman’s hand with an shares her wisdom on Orrantia enormous diamond ring gives boyfriends of girlfriends, the The Hoover Brothers sit with him a dossier on Dink, its boyfriends of girlfriends. Open on a panorama of the their Uncle Grandpa, Tarlton’s wife Charlene, town cruddy little industrial town exchanging sucker punches gossip and demolisher of Little do the girls know that, known as East Larb. It lies and tit twisters. They are lives. the Hoover Bros. are hiding along the shores of an wild-eyed, practically feral under the bed stealing money enormous lake of garbage, boys with a God-given gift for Later at Blythe’s house a from the girl’s purses while Rising from this sea of refuse vandalism. bunch of the girls are over for Teddy Huffhinds, town on a promontory rock looms a slumber party complete with pervert, takes photos from the the aging Victorian mansion, Sitting all by himself at a pillow fights and cute sleep- closet. Slyde-Welle Hall. East Larb is booth playing army with a wear. Blythe’s mother, Sunny home to Tarlton Fats, the battalion of dead flies is Manners makes an appear- Suddenly Angel Le Flyee largest fat rendering plant in Pubert Hosepipe, known to all ance. She is everything makes an uninvited entrance. the tri-state area. as a Corndog. Martha Stewart aspires to be. She is a long legged black She is stunning in her floral chick wearing the hottest little Cut to the Exterior of the Eat Meanwhile Boyd Cavanaugh, print dress, hair done up in a kitty kat nighty ever worn. me Burger. favorite after who can’t stand seeing French twist, frilly apron, high Angel and Goldie lock eyes. school hangout for the someone enjoy a good meal, heels and pearls. She has Suddenly the whole world students of G. Gordon Liddy tells Blythe, who sits with her brought treats for the girls. On comes to a stop. Angel says, High School. Inside Boyd boyfriend Dink, that her a cart she reveals Fois Gras “Oh Blythe, I thought this was Cavanaugh, the proprietor burger is really made of fallen pizza, flaming Cherries spikes his milkshake with a a slumber party but I guess cows. After dropping dead, for Jubilee and a keg of Tab. pint of ol’ Hiney Pine liquor. (looking at Goldie) it’s turned whatever reason, the burger Blythe is mortified by the into a …Ho-down.” joint buys, at a discount, and display of domestic perfec- Blythe Manners, our heroine Goldie spews, “Blythe is my we pass the savings on to tion. walks up to the counter. She friend so you can just turn you, the customer. Horrified is an attractive teenage girl your big ass around and hit Blythe yaks into Dink’s paper She tells us about how who obviously comes of good cup. Dink is inspired by the horrible it is to have her breading and money. She the road.” This is Titwillow turf sheer economic genius of parents. “Why can’t they be orders a Double Donkey bitch.” turning waste into profit. alcoholics and have affairs Burger and a jumbo cheese like normal parents.” smoothie. A horrible catfight breaks out A couple of other girls sigh In a confessional, Blythe sending the other girls flying deeply at the creep hunk. Blythe’s dad, “Handsome” shows her lack of brainpower down the stairs. Outside Teddy Huffhinds is Frank Manners enters the by telling us her stupid selling a pair of panties he room. He is hard-bodied, theories on Shakespeare and swears were recently worn by tanned outdoorsy type with Ancient Rome. Teddy Huffhinds (pockets the lovely Miss Titwillow to a rugged good looks and a overflowing with panties) and runty kid with braces. snazzy khaki safari outfit. We pan around the restaurant the Hoover boys dive for he One girl asks Frank to tell and meet the other kids window just as Sheriff Dink, filled with entrepreneur- them a story. All the girls including Goldie Titwillow who Browntrout arrives. ial zeal, runs outside and, plead, “ Oh pleeeeeaaaze?” holds court with her band of being a bully, forces Huffhinds Blythe is totally humiliated. sycophant friends. She’s a to buy the cup of barf for five Frank kisses all the girls fluffy pink kitten with claws Huddled in a corner covered bucks. goodnight. They all sing, that’ll tear your eyes out! in Cherry Jubilee, Blythe “Goodniiight Mr. Maaan- seems to be crying. She Dink explains to the viewers neeerrs.” In another confessional raises her head and we see that in a confessional his Blythe tells us all about her that she is shedding tears of Calvinist theories about The girls decide to tell scary friend Goldie. On one hand bullying for fun and profit. stories. Goldie Titwillow, joy. Yes. Now things are she despises her, calling her wearing her nastiest little a slut and questions the getting good. Nearby, a mysterious figure in baby-doll jimmies, begins realness of her boobs. On the a black limousine has photo- telling one of her girl’s prison
  • 5. NODE'S NEWS Episode 2 Caleb tells Corndog that the That tears it! Clearly her to avoid hitting a fallen tree. doll is made of chocolate. parents are insane. Blythe Bright lights burst in from all They force hi to bite sown on informs them that she is directions. Instantly, all four Written by Bob Camp and Joe Rowdy Ron’s head. The running away from home with teens are rendered uncon- Orrantia horror is almost too much for her boyfriend, Dink the bully, scious. Corndog’s tiny brain. and be poor and live on love Dink wakes and probably get pregnant Across town, there is a big and they had better not try to It’s a rainy afternoon at the up in a commotion at the Manners stop her. Sunny says that Eat Me Burger restaurant. house. Blythe is throwing a fit they thought she would feel Fernando serves Corndog a strange room because of the way her that way and hands over Happity Meal with a free parents, Frank and Sunny, Blythe’s backpack, sleeping Rowdy Ron Danger ranger surrounded have treated her since the bag, a box of condoms, keys action figure inside. He slumber party debacle. They to the Mercedes and the gold tosses away the Donkey Jr. by high tech had embarrassed her in front card. “Just call and let us burger (which hits Caleb of her friends by under know where to send your Hoover in the head). From otherworldly reacting to the situation. homework, dear.” his deranged POV the doll is “Oh no”, she screams “I’m not a living 6-foot super hero. It looking Blythe confesses, talking falling for that one.” “I’m is a magical moment. candidly about her horrible staying!!” Frank says that Fernando kicks at Boyd who gadgets. relationship with her Mom they thought she might say is passes out on the floor. and dad. that too and announces that they are running away Caleb Hoover glares murder- instead to give her some ously at Corndog while eating “If they loved room. They hop in the car Everything is warped and the burger from atop his and drive off. Blythe screams goes in and out of focus. He head. me then and flops around like a carp is strapped to some kind of in the front yard. operating table. Boyd rises up peering over they’d get the counter. “That’s what I A pick-up truck pulls up. It’s A figure in strange coveralls like about the Eat Me Burger”. divorced like Dink! She’s saved! Blythe with gloves and a mask Fernando replies, “Yep, you stands up, turns around stands over Dink. Hoses get dinner AND a show”. normal toward the house and hurls come from under Dink’s the keys to the Mercedes at a wraps. The figure turns on a Corndog giggles lovingly at parents.” window. At the last second loud pumping machine, which his wonderful costumed the window blows open sends Dink into convulsions. friend. allowing the keys to fly safely The hooded figure leans in, through. The keys land on lifting the hood slightly Rowdy Ron tells us in a the hook marked “Mom’s revealing full, red lips. The confessional all about Corn- Blythe starts whipping Mercedes”. Defeated, Blythe figure slams Dink with a dog whom he pities. “Maybe around, losing control. Her climbs into the pick-up. She passionate, grinding kiss. I could help Pubert, if I was parents have thoughtfully now sits, squeezed in- Dink’s eyes roll back into his only real”. cleared a space for her between Dink and the Hoover head and he passes out tantrum so she won’t get hurt. boys. They are on their way smiling. The Hoover Brother rudely Blythe goes ballistic and back from the local Bully’s interrupts Corndog’s bliss. starts slapping her own face, Union meeting. They are Rowdy Ron escapes in a puff “You’re not listening to me!” having a grand time talking of fear turning back into a Frank hands her an irreplace- about winning the Wedgies plastic doll. able heirloom, the urn pull and getting the gold containing the ashes of his medal in the Indian Burn In a duel confessional the great grandmother, Brysk competition. Dink advises Hoovers tell us that they are Manners. “Here honey, that the boys look beyond the entitled to beat up Corndog you’re gonna want to break obvious pleasures of bullying for allowing him to hang something, you know, to blow and discover the rich cultural around with them. off steam.” heritage of the bullying arts. Suddenly Dink hits the brakes
  • 6. NODE'S NEWS 6 Episode 3 cab of the pick up truck. He announcing to Old Man that bumping her head. He looks down at the sleeping he is leaving to take the apologizes embarrassed at Written by Bob Camp and Joe girl in his arms. She is so madam for her drive now. Old his unforgivable blunder, Orrantia beautiful. In her sleep, Blythe Man Slyde-Welle burps “Pardon madam”. Druthers mumbles, “I’ll join a convent approvingly. then disappear into the It is dusk in East Larb. and stop plucking my behemoth factory. Inside eyebrows and, I’ll smoke Outside the Slyde-Welle limo Druthers walks along a Dink wakes up behind the non-filter cigarettes, and then Snakes it’s way along the catwalk high above a giant wheel of his truck with Blythe you’ll be sorry”. Dink tosses drive leading down through vat of boiling fat and dumps and the Hoover boys passed her over his shoulder then the endless plane of garbage. the tightly wrapped figure into out on the seat next to him. scrambles up a tree like an the hot frothy tallow. He suddenly feels something ape onto the roof of the A light burns in the window of strange between his legs. He Manners house. Feminine Wiles. Inside At the Manners house, Dink pulls a tiny zip lock baggie Charlene Tarlton opens he is tucking in Blythe, who is containing a business card Just offshore in the sea of fridge. She smiles as she still passed out in the bed. He out of his zipper. It is Carlton garbage surrounding E. Larb, places a test tube filled with a lovingly kisses her on the Tarlton’s card with the words Slyde-Welle Hall looms over milky substance on a rack forehead, takes the cash out “See Me!” scrawled across it. perched atop Slyde-Welle with many others just like it; of her purse, and then climbs On the back he sees where a Crag. A murder of crows the tube says DINK on the out of the window onto the woman has blotted her circles the Victorian spires. label. The other ones have roof just in time to see the lipstick. He rubs his mouth the names of most of the Hoover Boys drive away in then gives the card a sniff, Inside the Slyde-Welles sit at other men in E. Larb written his truck. He sighs, sitting “White Diamonds!” the dinner table. Old Man on them. There is even one down on the roof and takes Slyde-Welle sits hunched reading OMSW, which looks out the business card he Charlene Tarlton, wife of over his meal of mother’s rather yellowed and crusty. found in his zipper. Carlton Tarlton, enters her milk and raw liver, which he We truck in filling the screen boutique, Feminine Wiles. tears at with his gums. with the icky yellow hue. Pull Back at Slyde-Welle hall, Old Daughter Sienna and Brother back to see we are now Man Slyde-Welle looks out Charlene says in confes- Bannister play footsie under looking at the icky yellow hue through a tower window as sional, “Oh it’s just a quaint the dining room table while of a revolting wrinkled eye. the as the limo snakes its little shop full of smart little giggling and eating their Slyde-Welle’s eye. way back through the sea of outfits. We cater strictly to veggies in a suggestive garbage. His grim expression divorcees and women about manner. Old Man opens the It’s night, The Slyde-Welle turns slowly into a hideous to commit adultery” front page of the local gossip limo pulls up to the gates of smile ad he begins to laugh. rag, The Inquisitor. He makes Tarlton Fats, the huge factory He turns his eyes to the Like a scene from the Man a sour face as he reads the owned by Carlton Tarlton. murder of crows circling the from Uncle, Charlene slips headline. “Tarlton Fats Stock The dark industrial fortress tower. into the bathroom, sits on the Soars after Announcement of looms gigantically in the night toilet and with a flush of the New Line Including ‘Sugar sky. Druthers proceeds to cut He hates those damn crows. secret chain pull she is raised Free and Diet Fat’ a photo the chain on the gate with a The crows begin to throw up through the ceiling into her shows Carlton Tarlton posing large bolt cutter. He then themselves at the window in secret war room. Here, with the product. Just as opens the back door as if to an attempt to kill him. Slyde- surrounded by monitors and Bannister lets out a silly loud let Madam Slyde-Welle out. Welle throws himself back- listening devices, she spies cackle, he takes a hit in the Inside we see the figure of a wards on his heels and on her fellow Larbians. side of the face with a slab of woman covered head to toe elbows like a fleeing crab. liver. with newspaper and tape. In front of the Manners home, Druthers carefully lowers the Dink is lifting Blythe from the Druthers the Butler appears package into a wheelbarrow