This incident might happened to you. YouThis incident might happened to you. You
expressed your happiness to someone but didexpressed your happiness to someone but did
not receive the kind of reaction you expected, ornot receive the kind of reaction you expected, or
you display your anger to someone and theyou display your anger to someone and the
incident ended in hostility. Showing negativeincident ended in hostility. Showing negative
emotions such as anger or boredom can someemotions such as anger or boredom can some
times get us into trouble. Even positive emotionstimes get us into trouble. Even positive emotions
such as affection or happiness should be sharedsuch as affection or happiness should be shared
wisely as the other party may not be comfortablewisely as the other party may not be comfortable
in sharing our feelings. Since not everyonein sharing our feelings. Since not everyone
understands our feelings or would want to shareunderstands our feelings or would want to share
our emotions, we must be tactful in expressingour emotions, we must be tactful in expressing
and dealing with our emotions. In this topic, weand dealing with our emotions. In this topic, we
will look at the ways to deal emotions, whetherwill look at the ways to deal emotions, whether
positive or negative.positive or negative.
SIX GUIDELINES TOSIX GUIDELINES TO
EXPRESS OUR EMOTIONSEXPRESS OUR EMOTIONS
RECOGNIZE THE EMOTIONSRECOGNIZE THE EMOTIONS
DESCRIBE THE EMOTIONS APPROPRIATELYDESCRIBE THE EMOTIONS APPROPRIATELY
SHARE MULTIPLE EMOTIONSSHARE MULTIPLE EMOTIONS
RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEENRECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
EMOTIONS, TALKING AND ACTINGEMOTIONS, TALKING AND ACTING
ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE
CONSIDER WHEN AND WHERE TO EXPRESSCONSIDER WHEN AND WHERE TO EXPRESS
THE EMOTIONSTHE EMOTIONS
RECOGNIZE THERECOGNIZE THE
We should recognize our emotions.We should recognize our emotions.
Our emotions can be recognized whenOur emotions can be recognized when
physiological changes such as sweating orphysiological changes such as sweating or
Monitoring our thoughts and verbal messagesMonitoring our thoughts and verbal messages
will help us to manage our emotions.will help us to manage our emotions.
For example, we should be more careful withFor example, we should be more careful with
our words and nonverbal cues that may landour words and nonverbal cues that may land
us in trouble in the process of dealing with ourus in trouble in the process of dealing with our
In other words, we should control our feelingsIn other words, we should control our feelings
and emotions.and emotions.
DESCRIBE THE EMOTIONS
• There are various ways of describing
emotions but we should describe them in a
way that reflect the true feelings accurately.
• For example, instead of merely saying, “I am
angry at you”, we can say, “I am annoyed by
• This kind of more precise statement would
enable the other person to know exactly what
and how you are feeling and why you are
feeling that way.
SHARE MULTIPLE EMOTIONS
We should share the different kinds of emotions
we go through at that particular time.
For instance, we may be angry with a person but
at the same time we really care for him or her too.
Verbally expressing our multiple emotions is
meaningful because it increases the accuracy and
value of our messages.
For example, saying “I am disheartened over what
you did to me but I’m sure that you didn’t really
mean what you said” would be better than just
saying “don’t talk to me right now because I’m
really mad at you”.
This kind of sharing enables the other person to
understand us better.
RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCERECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN EMOTIONS, TALKING ANDBETWEEN EMOTIONS, TALKING AND
• When we disagree with someone, we becomeWhen we disagree with someone, we become
furious and talk or act irrationally.furious and talk or act irrationally.
• We may have the right to feel angry but thatWe may have the right to feel angry but that
doesn’t mean we should express the anger bydoesn’t mean we should express the anger by
saying or behaving in such a way that will onlysaying or behaving in such a way that will only
fade a good relationship with the other person.fade a good relationship with the other person.
• So, when we have negative emotions, we shouldSo, when we have negative emotions, we should
tactful in expressing the emotions either verballytactful in expressing the emotions either verbally
or through our actions.or through our actions.
ACCEPT RESPONSIBILTY FORACCEPT RESPONSIBILTY FOR
THE EMOTIONSTHE EMOTIONS
►In other words, we should never blameIn other words, we should never blame
anyone else for our uneasy feeling.anyone else for our uneasy feeling.
►For example, instead of saying “you areFor example, instead of saying “you are
annoying me with your attitude” it is wiser toannoying me with your attitude” it is wiser to
say “I feel annoyed when you behave likesay “I feel annoyed when you behave like
►This shows that we are taking responsibilityThis shows that we are taking responsibility
for the way we feel and not blaming thefor the way we feel and not blaming the
other person.other person.
CONSIDER WHEN AND WHERECONSIDER WHEN AND WHERE
TO EXPRESS THE EMOTIONSTO EXPRESS THE EMOTIONS
When someone annoys us and our emotion boils up,When someone annoys us and our emotion boils up,
it is only sensible to hold back our emotion until weit is only sensible to hold back our emotion until we
are sure that it is the rite time and place to express it.are sure that it is the rite time and place to express it.
In dealing with emotions, we must ensure that theIn dealing with emotions, we must ensure that the
outcome of the emotions improve conditions oroutcome of the emotions improve conditions or
allayed negative effects.allayed negative effects.
This is because emotions can be both constructiveThis is because emotions can be both constructive
and destructive.and destructive.
Constructive or facilitative emotions are emotionsConstructive or facilitative emotions are emotions
that help us improvise things that we feel are verythat help us improvise things that we feel are very
For example, the fear that weFor example, the fear that we
may be late for class tomorrowmay be late for class tomorrow
will oblige us to cancel watchingwill oblige us to cancel watching
the late night movie.the late night movie.
In construct, destructive orIn construct, destructive or
debilitative emotions are thedebilitative emotions are the
kind of emotions that will makekind of emotions that will make
a situation gets worst.a situation gets worst.
For example, an expressedFor example, an expressed
anger of a manager cananger of a manager can
demoralize subordinates, whichdemoralize subordinates, which
may cause them to quit the job.may cause them to quit the job.
• According to Adler and Rosenfeld
(1999), the difference between a
constructive and destructive
emotions is their intensity.
• For example, an extreme state of
negative emotions can ruin our
rational thinking and lead to
extreme frustration of sadness
while an extreme state of positive
emotions does not have much
effect in a person as a person in a
happy mood is normally in a
• We can see here the strength
of negative emotions is
greater as its impact on a
person makes a difference
compared to the positive
• Adler and Rosenfeld add that
there are four ways to
minimize our destructive
emotions. They are by :
1. Identifying and monitoring our reactions
2. Identifying and diagnosing the factor that
3. Self-talk or monologue
4. Replace irritation beliefs with rational ones.