MANAGING ANGERCaring for Myself By: Dr. Bijaya Bhusan Nanda, Deputy Director, Gopabandhu Academy of Administration
Managing AngerManage anger that lead to stronger relationships andfewer problems.ObjectivesTo Understand, what is anger and what happenswhen we are AngryTo become aware of different anger managementstyles.To learn positive techniques for managing anger.
SHARING OF EXPERIENCE Why and When Anger occurs? Is it wrong to have feelings of anger? When can feelings of anger result in something good happening? When can feelings of anger result in something bad?
General Belief System of Anger• Anger is a normal and necessary emotion.• It is not wrong to experience feelings of anger.• Everyone experiences feelings of anger; some people experience it more intensely and often than other people.• Anger is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong. It is your body’s response to an unmet need, expectation or belief.
• Anger can feel wrong to some people because they have been taught that feeling/expressing anger is not good.• Anger can appear wrong when people express it in inappropriate ways, such as using violence.• When expressed appropriately, anger can lead to having your needs met, without hindering the needs of others.• Appropriate expressions of anger can lead to stronger relationships and more satisfying situations. Anyone can become angry – that is so easy. But to become angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not so easy.
How Anger feelings are expressed? Enraged, Boiling, Irritated, Heated up, Ticked off, Incensed, Perturbed, Displeased, Steaming, Fuming, Frustrated, Offended, Furious, Mad. Annoyed, Upset, Up in Arms”, Feelings of anger can be a common, everyday occurrence for people.
What happens to you, when you feel Angry?• Body goes into a fight or flight response. Chemicals are released into your bloodstream to prime you up for the fight or help you flee the situation.• These powerful chemicals cause your body to undergo extreme changes.• Breathing begins to increases and blood is detoured away from the internal organs and shunts it to your muscles for strength.• Pupils dilate, vision sharpen and awareness intensifies.• Rational mind is disengaged and thoughts become distorted.• You are in your anger attack mode and ready to fight.
• The fight or flight reaction gears you up for battle, however most times there really is no battle to fight.• When you face real dangers in the world, this fight or flight response is invaluable to your survival, but when you are in a constant state of fight or flight day after day your health can begin to suffer.• The powerful chemicals accumulate and make your body pay a price for being in a constant high energy state.• People with chronic anger are more likely to have: – suppressed immune systems, – gastrointestinal problems: irritable bowel syndrome and ulcers. – heart attacks and strokes, – blood pressure.
• Science Daily (June 1, 2010) — When we get angry, the heart rate, arterial tension and testosterone production increases, cortisol (the stress hormone) decreases, and the left hemisphere of the brain becomes more stimulated. This is indicated by a new investigation lead by scientists from the University of Valencia (UV) that analyses the changes in the brains cardiovascular, hormonal and asymmetric activation response when we get angry.
My Anger Management StyleYour Place a 0, 1, or 2 in the column labeled “Your Score.”Score 0 means that the item is never or rarely true for you 1 means that the item is sometimes true 2 means that the item is almost always true for you. 1. I am blunt and forceful when things don’t go my way. 2. I avoid or withdraw from people when I am angry with them. 3. I complain about people behind their back, but not to their face. 4. I disagree with others without attacking them or becoming defensive. 5. I don’t keep grudges or seek revenge when problems cannot be solved. 6. I don’t like to let other people know when I am angry. 7. I feel like hitting someone who makes me very angry. 8. I don’t like to express my anger. 9. I am depressed or moody. 10. I look for solutions that make everyone happy.
11. I politely, but firmly, tell others when I am angry.12. I repent and feel sorry for myself when I am angry.13. I cover my anger by drinking, taking drugs, or overeating.14. I swear loudly to blow off steam.15. I take some time to calm down before talking with others.16. I try not to let my anger show17. I use sarcasm and “little jokes or names” to make people look bad or feel bad.18. If I’m very upset, I’ll hit something.19. If things are bad enough, I’ll throw something.20. When I am angry, I become silent to make it obvious that I am unhappy. See Scoring on next page
SCORINGPut “your score” for each item in the matching box. Add the scores for eachRow and put the total in the last box, e.g., Style A total is #1 + #7 + #14 + #18+ #19 = A: ____ Totals#1 #7 # 14 # 18 # 19 A:#6 #8 #9 # 13 # 16 B:#2 #3 # 12 # 17 # 20 C:#4 #5 # 10 # 11 # 15 D:
Anger Management StylesStyle A-Open Aggression:This style uses physical or verbal force to get rid of the threatsto the person as a natural reactions to severe stress. There arevery few situations where open aggression is an appropriateresponse. Open aggression often leads to increased anger andmore problems. Research has found that people who vent angerin aggressive ways tend to become more angry rather than less.Style B-Suppressed Anger: Pretend not to be angryThey ignore their angry feelings. They feel uncomfortableexpressing anger and don’t want other people to know whenthey are angry. Anger that is ignored does not go away. Thismay lead to headaches, ulcers, stomachaches, or other physicalillnesses because their anger is simmering below the surface. Italso does not get rid of the problem that is causing the anger.
Style C-Passive Aggressive: They choose to show their angerin indirect ways, instead of confronting the problem head on. Theyoften hope the other person will notice that they are angry bypouting, refusing to talk, or giving nonverbal clues, such asslamming a door or stomping their feet. This anger managementstyle also tries to get back at the person by talking about thembehind their back, “belittling” them, or using sarcasm. Similar toopen aggression, this style of anger management often leads toincreased anger and problems.Style D-Assertive Problem Solving: They choose topay attention to their anger signs and deal with problems in anassertive manner and express their anger in polite and honestways. They are able to confront other people without attackingthem personally and don’t become defensive when talkingabout differences. They seek to resolve problems in mutuallyacceptable ways. People with this anger management style areable to release their angry emotions and forgive other people,even when problems are not able to be resolved. They do notcarry grudges or bitterness. This style promotes good personalhealth and strong relationships.
Anger Management Style - Assertive Problem Solving The Assertive Problem Solving style of anger management can be summed up using the ACTS technique. ACTS A = AWARE of your anger signals C = CONTOL your response T = TALK about the situation in a calm, polite, and assertive manner S = SOLVE the problem through a mutually agreeable plan of action
A stands for becoming AWARE of the signs of angry feelings.• The first step to appropriate anger management is to become aware of your angry feelings as soon as possible. DON’T let angry feelings build and simmer.• What are signs that you are feelings angry? Rising voice, Hand shaking, Jaw tightening, Shorter breaths, Tense muscles, Flushed, Red face, etc.
C stands for CONTROLLING your response.• THINK before you act. Think about the best way to handle this situation. What choices do you have? What are the “pros” and “cons” of each choice? This is a good time to practice the technique of counting to ten before responding. The trick is to get yourself under control so that you can respond in an appropriate and logical manner. Keep the end result in mind … to resolve this situation in a way that meets your needs without hindering the needs of others
T Stands for TALKING about the situation• Talk about the situation in a calm, polite, and assertive manner. Assertive techniques include talking about differences without becoming defensive or attacking the other person. Talking about the situation may involve using a technique called the W.I.N. method of confrontation. This method helps you focus on the real issue, express how it is affecting you, and describe what you would like from the situation.W stands for WHEN to say to the person. I stands for I (Your Feelings). (I am upset... (irritated, furious, etc. )3) N stands for NEED. I need/want . . . (specify what you want to change.)
S stands for SOLVING the problem• The final step to the ACTS technique of assertive problem-solving is to negotiate a mutually agreeable solution to the situation, create an action plan, and follow through with it. The solution should be “win-win” for everyone involved.
What To Do When A Solution Is Not Possible:1. Change your perception about the event and choose to drop your anger, remind yourself that “it is over” and refuse to get angry again.2. Get professional help and counseling Get a third party to negotiate a resolution. This is a good option when: a. the issue is very important, b. both sides want to resolve the problem, but they are STUCK, and/or the anger has been intense and frequent. 3. Withdraw or leave the situation This is an important option if you feel that the anger is putting you or someone else at risk.
TEN TIPS FOR ANGER MANAGEMENT• No. 1: Take a timeout: Before reacting to a tense situation, take a few moments to breathe deeply and count to 10.• No. 2: Once youre calm, express your anger: As soon as youre thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way.• No. 3: Get some exercise: If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other favorite physical activities.• No. 4 Think before you speak:In the heat of the moment, its easy to say something youll later regret.• No. 5: Identify possible solutions: Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand.• No. 6: Stick with I statements: To avoid criticizing or blaming — which might increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. , say, "Im upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes," instead of, "You never do any housework."
• No. 7: Dont hold a grudge: Forgiveness is a powerful tool. Its unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.• No. 8: Use humor to release tension: Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Dont use sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.• No. 9: Practice relaxation skills: When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, "Take it easy.”• No. 10: Know when to seek help: Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you. You might explore local anger management classes or anger management counseling.
A moment of Anger; May repent you for ever. Anger – one letter short of Danger. Tame Your Anger, That will make you happier.Thank You Dear!Thank You Dear!