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T21c

by Anthony Johnson on May 15, 2011

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Hey guys, I’m Francis Adams (wave).Man it’s been a long day, it’s been a great day, have you guys been enjoying it?You guys seem a bit tired. Is anyone a little worn out? Raise your hand if you’re feeling a bit drained.Alright,Aleah and Nick, can you guys pass out some RockStars to the guys with their hands up?Francis Adams’ speech is sponsored by RockStar energy… nah I’m just kidding, that would be kinda cool though.Well first off, I want to start by thanking Anthony, ever year you pull off an amazing event and provide so much value to these guys, and it’s great to be a part of. Can everyone give Anthony a big ol’ round of applause? Give it up for Dream guys.Second off, I want to extend my gratitude to you guys for being here. You know, just because I’m on stage doesn’t mean that me and you are all that different. I’m a pretty introverted guy, yet I somehow run shit at my college.The cool thing about learning this stuff, is that it’s not something that you are going to be restricted in being good at. It’s something that if you put the effort in, you’re going to be good. Unlike past generations, you guys have amazing resources for improving socially and with women. And by being here at this conference, in this moment, you are clearly taking advantage of those resources.So with that in mind, I want you guys to give yourselves a big, hearty round of applause. (Milk it if you can)
Tell a story about my early coaching career. Early in my coaching career I was a bit, shall we say, arrogant. I thought I knew far more than I did, and was willing to promise the world to any student who would have me. And while I’m proud of the fact that I have never received a refund request for a bootcamp, I gotta tell ya I attracted some pretty peculiar students.For instance, I had one student who was only capable of referring to women as “bitches”. I mean, I’ve used the word before, no judgement… but I kid you not, the word “women” or “girl” were simply not in his vocabulary. It would be to the point where he’d be talking to a chick, and in the middle of their conversation I’d ask, “what happened man?” and he’d say, “I don’t know man, I think I didn’t qualify her enough and my tonality was a little bit off…” And I’d be like, “Dude… did you call her as bitch again?”… He’d say, “Well yeah! But I was trying to neg her!” No, come on dude. And, how many of you have seen Hitch? Well for those of you are not familiar it’s a Will Smith movie about a dating coach, and he actually rejects a potential student because he doesn’t like the fact that he’s trying to sleep with a bunch of girls or something. And I remember watching the movie, and being like NO WILL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOUR LEAVING MONEY ON THE TABLE?!? And while I would never reject a dude for wanting to sleep around, I found out recently that I do have my standards. About half a year back I was on the phone with a student of game who wanted to learn from me, and while I was getting to know him he said that his high school girlfriend, who he had never slept with of course, left him recently and now he wanted to get better with other chicks. Fair enough, I think, we can make this work. Then he kept telling me about how he had all this pent up anger towards his ex, and he just wanted to take it out on all the sluts of the world’s vaginas, his words not mine. Warnnnning sign number one! But fuck that shit, I’m Francis Adams, I’m the best coach in the industry, I can get any guy to any goal he wants, and I SURE as hell am not leaving money on the table like Will Smith did. So we move forward, and later in the conversation, I asked him if he was willing to, you know, put in the work that it takes to be better with chicks. Something I ask everyone who wants to work with me, and 99% of the time the answer is “yes”. This guy, he said “no”. I’m like “what?” He said, “Well that’s why I’m hiring you, to fix me”. I was already a little bit annoyed with the guy, but I tried to shrug it off and was like “no dude, I don’t think you understand I can teach you the right steps to take, but your going to have to be the one to climb the stairwell.” He told me, “If I wanted to work, I’d go to my job… it’s your job to fix me, I don’t see why that requires any effort on my part.”- At that point in the conversation, I did something I had NEVER done before… I turned him down, told him, “have a nice day, but I think you should look for another coach.” And while I was kind of pissed off about the money I left on the table at that point, that shit felt EMPOWERING. Ever since that day I have demanded two things, and two things only from my clients. Commitment and follow-thru. Without those two things, no success is possible. By being at this conference you guys have impressed me, by showing an immense commitment to getting better as men, and that is really inspiring to me. Now what is going to separate those of you who achieve their goals from the ones who don’t is follow through.
See, I could have labeled my speech “How to Master Qualification and Comfort and Double Your Results” and maybe some guys would have perked up a little bit more. But I wanted it all to be content that is going to allow you to have fairly normal, but extremely effective conversations with chicks.Stuff you can put into action immediatelyNot going to get heavy into theory, I don’t have much time to speak so I want to concentrate on things you can go out and use tonightSome of the most important concepts that are never talked aboutThe good advice that falls through the cracksFor whatever reason, students don’t want to learn it, and instructors don’t want to teach itSimple concepts and techniques that are deadly effectiveResist the urge to balk at any concepts because of their simplicityIf you can commit to being open minded about this stuff, the stuff that is not emphasized but is immensely important, I promise you that you will see resultsInformation OverloadYou’re getting completely overloaded with info, so what I want you to do is take some notesThere’s tons of awesome content from so many awesome speakers, so you are not going to have time to process it all this weekendIt’s not Algebra class, this shit is supposed to befun
Before I get into some specific techniques, I want to encourage you to keep something in mind as your learning this stuff.Story about Spring BreakOccam’s razorOriginated by 14th century English theologian William of OckhamAll other things being equal, the simplest explanation is the bestIt is widely used as a rule of thumb to guide scientists in development of theoriesBut it is also applicable in pick-up, where you have all these theories, with all these ins and outs and contingencies, and in reality most of you would benefit from doing away most of that bullshit and finding a simpler way of looking at male-to-female interactionI don’t claim to have that theory down pat, but it’s something to keep in mind throughout this whole process of learningLess is moreThe guys who are instinctively good at this stuff without any instruction are not thinking of concepts and theories. And these are the guys who you should be modeling your game after, not some dude who writes complicated theories that seem to make sense on a website that he markets the hell out of. You need to strive for less junk in your game at all times. Eliminate anything that isn’t useful as soon as possible.Most of the “verbal” game you think you need is not necessary It’s really not… Most of the words and garbage that is coming out of your mouth is junk, and is probably hurting your game more than helping it. And even though you have been taught that 80% of the game is nonverbal, you are still probably concentrating far too much on what’s coming out of your mouthTraining wheelsThat’s what these verbal tactics are, just training wheels, to help guys who have trouble maintaining conversations. But after a few months it’s time to take the training wheels off and just ride that two wheeler… you guys are big kids now. Sure you might fall off a few times and scrape your knee before you are able to master talking like a normal, confident guy, but before you know it you’ll have that shit DOWN and imagine how good that will feel.
Story:Early on, I thought that all I needed to do to get girls was be an asshole. Complimenting girls was something that was not even in my reality, because that shit is for pussies and nice guys right? Wrong.Did I ever tell you guys about the first time I got slapped in the face? “Oh your hair looks horrible!” Pshhhh, slap in the face. No hesitation.Wanna hear about the first time I got a drink poured on me? “Hey Francis, do these pants look good on me or no?” “Nah…. (pause)… they make your ass look fat.” Pshhh drink all over my expensive shirt. No good.You see it’s fun to playfully tease girls if you know how, but that shit has to be balanced out. And there is no better way to do that than with a good, old fashioned compliment.Qualification?A3, Mystery Method, male-to-female interest… what? You know, we’re all badass pick-up artists, so a girl has to PROVE to us that she is qualified before she gets the honor of basking in the glory of our high status attention.NO fuck that shit, a compliment is a compliment, no need to overcomplicate it. If I like something about someone I’m going to tell them, whether they are a cute girl, a cool guy, or a fat waitress.Sure, if you are out and about learning this stuff, a good rule of thumb might be to wait til she has expressed some interest, but then again, not always…Seduction’s oldest toolCasanova, all the old Don Juans used compliments all the time, and you can bet they didn’t make sure they completed A2 before putting it to use.But girls became attuned to itIt’s like “opinion openers” are now, girls are attuned to them, they know what you’re trying to do.Girls have the amazing ability and intuition to sniff out when you have an ulterior motive and if what you say is not coming from a genuine placeIf you say it, mean itBe genuine, if your not, she’s going to knowKnow what you wantSo how do we make sure we are genuine when we praise someone? Know what you want in a girl.Make a list of the specific qualities you are looking for in a girl, and look for those qualities in girls you interact with. When she shows a quality you like, compliment her on it.Specific techniquesI told you I was going to give you specific techniques that you can use tonight, so here are two extremely effective methods of complimenting a girl that I like to use
“You know what I…”“You know what I like about you? You are so darn considerate. I feel like if I was ever feeling down or low, I could just call you up and you would say the sweetest, most considerate thing to me, and I would feel better right away.”Optional: Add…If you want a good way to ensure that the conversation continues and avoid that awkward silence silence that can happen after you compliment someone, just add a question at the end. It will take attention away from the fact that you just complimented her, make it more matter of fact, and help the flow of the convo.“You know what I like about you? You’re so independent. I hate it when people always agree with everything that comes out of my mouth. I feel like we could have a full-on debate and it would be no big deal because we both would know that we’d be cool after the fact. Does it drive your friends crazy when you disagree with them or are they just used to it?”
Peeks her interestcreates curiosity and intrigue with the initial question”. Anytime someone hears“you know what I like about you?” they will instantly be interested.Validates her with a compliment about a positive quality she has that you valueAnd you now what? That feels good to her. Especially when she can feel that it’s genuine.Provides a justification for your compliment in a fun and playful way.Providing a “reason” for your compliment is key because it shows that you wanting to get in her pants is not the only reason you’re praising her. You just genuinely appreciate a characteristic about her.“I feel like” is also a nice little touch, because we know how girls love “feelings”, and this just opens up her emotional side.
This one I love. You can get away with almost any compliment if you add a barrier to it. When a barrier is imposed, psychological reactance occurs, and she wants to restore things to a state of equilibrium: You being interested in her. So she will try to rip that barrier down.Most of these examples don’t even make sense on a logical level. She’ll start being like “whyyy, that doesn’t even make sense.” If used at the right points in the interaction, this kind of compliment is liable to get a girl VERY attracted to you.
So why is this dirty little technique work so well? Here is the psychological principle behind it, and a lot of other principles that you’ve learned.Romeo and Juliet EffectAlso called the Romeo and Juliet effect, because the whole novel was based on this principle at workThe powerful…When someone puts up a barrier to our freedoms, we want to strike that barrier down. It’s been proven time and time again by psychologists.Why people drank…This is why people were getting wasted at all-time highs during the time period in which the government forbid them to drink anythingIf your parents…Same concept applies to the daughter in high school whose parents HATE her boyfriend. Her feelings for him are only intensifiedWhat it does not meanIt does NOT mean, that girls always want what they can’t have. Common misconception. She has to feel you are actually attainable before she can have any feeling of loss when you put up a barrier.Some guys are of the belief that girls will just mindlessly chase what they can’t have. Not true at all. Attainability is key.Who is the girl that guys get obsessed with? The cute girl next door, or Megan Fox? Sure, Megan Fox is BANGIN’ but unless you are someone like Nick, whose going to be speaking next, you’re not going to get obsessed with her. If Megan Fox started dating Brad Pitt you wouldn’t be that jealous. But if you’re friend Johnny starts dating cute little Susie who lives next door then you’re liable go off on him. Why? Because Little Susie was attainable. You could have actually ended up dating her.So you’ve learned two highly effective ways to compliment, but a prerequisite to complimenting genuinely and effectively is being a good listener.
Tell Dan’s “I can relate to that story”Girls want a guy who listens to them and appreciates what they have to say.All these routines and gimmicks create guys who know how to talk, but have no idea how to listen.Springboard for other techniquesYou can’t do any other “techniques” if you are not able to listen and relate to a girlThe listening/talking ratio You want to have a two sided interaction. Think back to a time when you were in a conversation with a girl that was completely one-sided. You were doing the vast majority of the talking, while she wasn’t responding much. Did it feel like you were expending a little too much effort, maybe coming across a bit try-hard? Probably. That’s because this ratio was out of wack. Ideally it should be around 50/50, and sometimes she should be the one doing most of the talking as you let her open up the deeper aspects of her personality to you.Some girls will literally talk their own pants offI won’t get tooo into this because I want you guys to find it out for yourselves after you become great listeners. But there are some girls that LOVE talking. And when you find a sexual one, she’s liable to talk herself into the bedroom with you as long as you know how to lead the conversation in that directionNo worries about what to say nextYou ever notice that when a girl is talking you’ll think of some line or something really clever to say, and you’ll be set on saying it, but as she keeps talking and keeps talking your clever comment soon becomes out of context and suddenly seems less clever. When she does stop talking you may find yourself in a rut because instead of focusing on what she was saying, you were thinking about what you were going to say next. Because you got in your own head before you could listen to everything she said, you severely limited your options in terms of what you can say next to relate to her.Requires asking good questionsNext slide
Ask open ended questionsAsk questions without yes or no answers in order to encourage longer responses where girls are actually opening up to youWhat if she is unresponsive?If you get an I don’t know or a short response, turn it around and answer the question yourself in a detailed way that demonstrates how you want her to answer your questions. This will provide a blueprint for her as to what kind of response you are looking for in questions. From there, you can rephrase the question and ask it again, or take the conversation in a new direction.Write down go-to questionsAnother tip I have for guys is to write down 4-5 go-to questions that they can pull out whenever an interaction is draining. An example of this is, “so, if you could wake up anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would you wake up?” These questions will be different for every guy
Now I’m going to talk about something completely different, being a social leader. It’s important because so many guys know that they have to lead an interaction, yet so few guys do it.I remember one time I was talking to a chick at a local bar, the Blue Velvet, and we had been sitting in the same place for about an hour talking…. Really sexual, raunchy stuff we were talking about, not anything that I’d be willing to say right now. It got to the point that we were talking about our favorite posish, talking about how awesome casual sex was, all that good stuff. But when the bar was about to close, and it was time for me to make a move, and invite her back, I froze up. “Uhhhh, yeahh so it’s late”. She was like, “yeahhhh”. Eventually I built up the courage to say, “Sooooummm, do you want to come back to my place and hang out?” She paused for a second, and said, “No…. No… I don’t think that would be a good idea.” I did not persist, I was just like, “OK, bye then”. I was not a strong leader.In fact, I had not demonstrated any ability to lead her throughout our whole interaction. We sat in the same place the whole time, instead of moving her around the bar, with a simple, “Hey let’s go upstairs… the chairs up there are way comfier”. I was weak. When it came crunch time, I asked her if she wanted to come back to my place. Never ask a girl to come back with you. When it’s game time, be strong, just tell her, boom, “time to head back to the crib, we got some sweet DVDs”“Ummm I don’t know…”“Hah, that’s funny, let’s go, it’s DVD time”“Haha what is DVD time?”“It is the period of time in which we watch DVDs. And that time is now, hurry, we don’t want to miss it, let’s go”“Haha ok!”Boom, and off you go, simple as that. Strong leadership, no hesitation.We are born to followSociety can only have a small percentage of leaders, so everyone is born a follower. Leadership is an acquired skill. People have the natural inclination to want to follow a strong person. So don’t be the follower, be that strong person.People’s natural inability to make decisionsWe don’t like to make decisions, we would rather have people make decisions for us.I’m horrible at making decisions. Every time I’m at Subway… I agonize over whether to get a chicken breast sub or a philly cheese steak sub, which is really not a big decision. The chicken breast is a $5 footlong, but god is that cheesesteak is sub, but then again the chicken breast is healthier… man, that will never be an easy decision.So when someone can’t make a decision, you have to make the decision for them.

T21c — Presentation Transcript

THE LITTLE THINGSTHAT MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE
Francis Adams
A Special Thanks For Attending T21C 2010
Anthony And His Team Rock, Right?
You Rock Too
A Special Gift From Us To You:
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socialmanfirstnameemail@domain.com
Francis Adams:A Short Autobiography
College Student
Coaching since I was 19
Hired by The Social Man
My “Hitch” moment
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socialmanfirstnameemail@domain.com
What You’ll Learn Today
Stuff you can put into action immediately
Some of the most important concepts that are never talked about
Simple concepts and techniques, that are deadly effective
Information Overload
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socialmanfirstnameemail@domain.com
CuttingOut The BS
Occam’s Razor
Less is more
Most verbal “game” you think you need is not necessary
Training wheels
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socialmanfirstnameemail@domain.com
The Art of the Compliment
Qualification?
Seduction’s oldest and most forgotten technique
Girls have caught on to it
If you say it, mean it
Know what you want
Specific techniques
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socialmanfirstnameemail@domain.com
Technique #1: Compliment, Then Add Depth
“You know what I like about you?”
“You are so darn (characteristic you like about her)_.”
“I feel like (explain what is awesome about this quality in her).”
Optional: Add a question at the end
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socialmanfirstnameemail@domain.com
Examples:
You know what I like about you? You are so darn considerate. I feel like if I was ever feeling down or low, I could just call you up and you would say the sweetest, most considerate thing to me, and I would feel better right away.”
You know what I like about you? You’re so independent. I hate it when people always pretend to agree with me. I feel like we could have a full-on debate and it would be no big deal because we both would know that we’d be cool after the fact. Does it drive your friends crazy when you disagree with them or are they just used to it by now?”
Why Structure It This Way?
This does 3 things:
1) Piques her interest
2) Validates her with a compliment about a positive quality she has that you value
3) Provides a justification for your compliment in a fun and playful way.
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socialmanfirstnameemail@domain.com
Technique #2: Compliment + Barriers
“(Compliment) + If it weren’t for X, we would be so perfect for each other”
Can be done at any intensity level depending on where you’re at in the interaction:
“Wow, you are such an intellectual, I love that about you, too bad I only fall for ditsy blondes, otherwise we would be so perfect for each other.”
“You are completely adorable, if you weren’t so into heavy metal, I would marry you on the spot.”
“You are the sexiest thing that I’ve seen in my entire life, if it weren’t for all the people at this bar, I would so just bend you over this table and…”
Psychological Reaction
“The Romeo and Juliet Effect”
The powerful urge to react against restrictions placed on our freedoms
Why people drank more during prohibition
If your parents hate your date, generally they become more attractive to you
What it does not mean
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socialmanfirstnameemail@domain.com
Being an Awesome Listener
Springboard for other techniques
The listening/talking ratio
Some girls will literally talk their own pants off
No worries about what to say next
Requires asking good questions
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socialmanfirstnameemail@domain.com
Ask The Right Questions
Ask open ended questions
What if she is unresponsive?
Write down go-to questions
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socialmanfirstnameemail@domain.com
Being a Social Leader – With Friends
We are born to follow
People’s natural inability to make decisions
Ways that you can lead your friends when you’re out
Plan an awesome event
Choose which bar or club to go to
Be in charge of calling the cab
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socialmanfirstnameemail@domain.com
Being A Social Leader – With Women
Ways you can lead girls
Move her to a new section of the bar
Take her to another club
Tell her to give you her phone, then put your number in it
Make the decision when it is time to go home
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HaveSome FUN!
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NICK SPARKS
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T21c

by Anthony Johnson on May 15, 2011

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T21c — Presentation Transcript