To my Husband, Bob and all my girls
who inspired and encouraged this book.
Special Thanks To:
Sally Berryman, my Friend and Marketing Mgr.
The delicate old lady with snow white hair
sitting next to Pamela counting her prayer beads never
missed a beat as the Jumbo Jet broke ground and darted
upward. “Oh my,” she gasped. Her wrinkled face grimaced
with fear. Pamela reached across the seat and patted the
old woman’s shaking hand. “First flight?” she asked, trying
to show a great deal of calm herself. The old lady nodded,
never skipping a count on her beads!
“Everything will be just fine, try to relax a little.” Pame-
la’s friendly smile captivated everyone she came into contact
with and the shaking little old woman was no exception.
She returned her smile a little reluctantly as she asked in
her broken English, “Are you Catholic Mon Ami?”
Pamela smiled realizing the old lady was very much a
Frenchman. “Baptist,” she answered shaking her head, and
smiling again as she said, “Same God.” With that the old
lady nodded in agreement and continued her prayers.
Pamela sat quietly looking out the window deep in
8 __________________Gloria Graham
thought, as New York passed under her and quickly only
blue sky was visible.
“Are you visiting someone in my Parie?” the old lady
spoke. Pamela turned in her seat to answer her question.
“Not exactly,” she said. “I’m traveling on business. I
am a dress designer and I am going to Paris for the new
fashion showings.” Pamela shivered as she uttered those
words, it was a dream come true.
The Captain’s reassuring voice came over the intercom.
They were at altitude and could unbuckle the seatbelts and
move about the cabin. Pamela thought how wonderful it
was to hear him.
Pamela adjusted her seat back and gave a sigh of relief.
The magazine in the pocket in front of her had a beauti-
ful colored picture of the Eiffel Tower on its cover. She
smiled as she gently touched the cover. “I’m really on my
way and I will see you soon,” she said to herself staring at
As she closed her eyes she remembered the note her
daughter Jill had tucked into her pocket with instructions
not to read until she was airborne. She wasted no time in
Inside the note read, “I love you Mom, have a wonder
time. Watch those fabulous Frenchmen!” She added, “Ha
Ha. You deserve this trip! Love, Jill”
Leaving Jill was definitely the hard part of the trip. But
she was a grown woman now and Pamela hated to admit
that. She still liked to think of her as her “little girl.” Jill
often had to remind her that she had her own job, her
own apartment and doing quite well at college. It hadn’t
been long that Jill left for College and the apron strings
A Memory Unchained___________ 9
had to be broken.
Pamela thought of her daughter and the wonderful
friendship they had developed since that time. Jill was a
young lady with a definite mind of her own. She recalled
their conversation just two days before. “Who will keep you
in line in Paris Mom if I’m not with you? I think I should
go as your chaperone,” she teased. It was a natural thing
for Jill to worry about her Mother. She hated her living
alone and never doing anything. She knew her Mother
was never going to get over the death of her Dad until she
began socializing and meeting people again. That’s why
this trip to Paris was so important to Jill. This was going
to be her Mom’s “coming out again” trip!
“I can’t believe you are actually going to Paris. Maybe
you’ll meet some handsome, exciting Frenchman who will
sweep you off your feet!” Jill was only half teasing. It was
really her dream for her Mom.
“Is that all you ever think about young lady?” Pamela
scolded her. She too was only half teasing. Jill was not afraid
to tell her Mother her feelings. Pamela had taught her to
always be truthful. Jill smiled at her Mother sweetly and
replied, “You need to start living again Mom!”
Pamela closed her eyes as the quiet hum of the jet en-
gines filled the air. It was hard to swallow the lump that
had developed in her throat as she thought about leaving
“It’s only a month, thirty days, get a hold of yourself,”
Pamela thought to herself. It was her “reality” check on
herself. She learned that lesson a long time ago from a very
famous pastor who reminded her that Jesus suffers when
we suffer. He feels our hurts; he knows our thoughts – so
10 __________________Gloria Graham
talk to him. That was how she had survived this past year
without her beloved husband. God came alongside and
filled her heart when it was in such pain. Pamela breathed
deep and thought, “God is good.” She glanced at the little
old lady next to her who seemed to be a little more relaxed.
“That’s good,” she smiled.
Pamela jumped as the “fasten your seatbelt” sign went
on and the announcement came over the speaker. She felt
a few bumps and looked out the window to see a very
cloudy sky. Staring out the window Pamela began think-
ing of how it all happened that she was even on the plane,
heading for Paris.
It had only been a few weeks since her boss, J.P. Orland
had surprised her with the news of the Paris trip.There had
been some very catty remarks going around the office as to
why she had been chosen to take this trip. She overheard
one of the girls at the copy machine saying, “She’s sleeping
with J.P., that’s how she got the trip.” That remark hurt
her deeply. She thought she had always tried to present
herself in a better light than that!
J.P. was so caught up in his business he wouldn’t give
her a second look. She had almost decided to ignore the
remark but decided to face it head on. She prayed as she
decided just how to approach Sally in a Christian way.
This took a lot of prayer on Pamela’s part, she had to get
over how she really felt, mad.
The office was the open style with at least 50 desks
placed around the room. There was an obvious silence
that fell over the room as Pamela walked around Sally’s
desk and placed her hand on her shoulder. Sally winced
as if she were expecting to be hit.
A Memory Unchained___________ 11
“Can we go somewhere and talk?” Pamela said in a
quiet tone. “I need to clarify something for you and I don’t
want to do it out here in front of everyone.” She smiled
Sally looked pale but agreed to go with Pamela to the
ladies lounge. Pamela could see the pain Sally was going
through. She knew what it was all about, that was obvious.
It would be so easy to really light in on her, put her in her
place, show her who’s boss, but Pamela knew in her heart
that would not be right, not the Christian way, not a way
she could show she was a Christian.
“Sally,” she said calmly, “I’m so happy to be going to
Paris to represent Mr. Orland in this years fashion designs,
I know you’re happy for me.” Sally swallowed hard.
Pamela continued, “I don’t know if you know it or not
but this was a joyous surprise for me since I hardly know
Mr. Orland personally. But I know you know all that. I
know how hard it is to keep a secret around here,” she
Sally laughed a little shyly, dropping her head.
“I would love to bring you something back from Paris,
do you like perfume?” she asked.
Sally sputtered as she said, “That would be real nice of
you, Miss Pamela.”
“It would be my pleasure, perfume it is. I do hope you
will have a wonderful day today, there’s lots to do before I
am ready to go. I really appreciate all you do for Orlands
and for me especially!”
Pamela leaned close to Sally and whispered in her ear,
“The tongue can be a very wicked thing, if not used prop-
erly. I really try to remember that.” She smiled at Sally.
12 __________________Gloria Graham
“Yes Ma’am, I will remember that too.” She answered
Pamela patted her gently on the shoulder and said, “I
will see you when I return.”
Sally was obviously impressed with the way Pamela
had taken care of the situation. Tears filled her eyes as she
thanked Pamela for understanding.
As Pamela turned and walked away she couldn’t help
wonder why J.P. had picked her for this trip. She did have
seniority and she was the head of the Fashion Department
at Orlands, but J.P. definitely had his favorites and she
never saw herself as one of those girls.
Pamela had looked at the ticket she held in her hand
that made her trip a reality. She didn’t know why but she
was going to the fashion capital of the world, Paris!
Pamela had a few second thoughts as she listened to
J.P.’s blistering voice. “Get over there – get the scoop on
the fashions for next season! Get us some new ideas! New
ideas, that’s what we need,” he spit out the orders never
looking around to face her.
Pamela thought to herself, “He wouldn’t recognize me
if I ran right into him in the hallway.” She wanted to ask
him to turn around but she thought better of it! After all,
he was the boss.
She wondered as she began gathering up the things
she needed to take with her on the plane how she would
ever change J.P.’s conservative ways. She had tried before
during this past year as head Fashion Coordinator for Or-
lands Department Store Chain but it hadn’t worked. He
just couldn’t get “modern” and that was really hurting his
business. He always laid her ideas aside and took the least
A Memory Unchained___________ 13
line of resistance, staying with designs he was absolutely
sure would sell. Now he wanted her to go to Paris and get
the “scoop” as he called it. Would he be open to the new
ideas she would bring home? She wondered.
The clouds had disappeared and beautiful blue sky was
all you could see out the window of the plane. She glanced
again at the in-flight magazine and the picture of the Eiffel
Tower on the front.
“Are you alright Mon Ami?”The little French lady had
been watching Pamela deep in thought. She added quickly,
“You are so elegant, your clothes, so lovely. Paris should
be honored to have such a guest as you.”
Pamela smiled as the old lady added, “I have never met
a celebrity before.”
“Just a very lucky lady,” Pamela answered. She reached
over to squeeze the woman’s wrinkled hand that still
clutched the prayer beads tightly in them. Pamela had
a special feeling for the old lady. It struck her as strange
since she just met her. The old lady had a way of making
Pamela feel special and a bit important. She had not had
that feeling in a long time. Jill always tried, but no one
took the place of her late husband.
Tom had a way of doing just that, making her feel
special all those twenty-two years. Now, without him so
much was missing. She paused and memories began to
flood her mind. She felt emptiness, loneliness. She missed
having him to depend on.Tears streamed down her cheeks
as she sank into her thoughts even more.
She remembered the feel of his warm body close to
hers. She loved the salty taste on his lips and shoulders.
She felt a knot in her stomach. She hadn’t let her thoughts
14 __________________Gloria Graham
go back in a long time. Now she quickly wiped away the
tears and realized again how much she missed his warm,
She began working with her notebook, shuffling all
the papers she had to go over but it seemed to be for no
purpose. “Will this terrible feeling ever go away?” She re-
membered the bible verse Pastor Smith had given her to
hang onto, Proverbs 5:3, “Trust in the Lord with all your
heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your
ways acknowledge Him and He will make your pathway
straight.” She sighed, feeling much better. “I have almost
worn that verse out. I wonder if God ever gets tired of my
repetition?” She knew the answer to that before she said
it. He doesn’t.
“Where did that itinerary go anyway?” she muttered to
herself trying to get her mind off her memories.
She began to read:
Monday: 9:00 AM – Rex Dupar’s office.
2:00 PM – Lunch at Care Deux-Magets – Left Bank.
“Hum,” she whispered, “Rex Dupar, the most eligible
bachelor and most sought after designer in all of Paris and
I get to have lunch with him.” Pamela’s pulse raced with
excitement. “He has to be very tall, thin and just a touch of
gray hair around his temples.” At least that was the picture
she had of him in her mind.
As she shuffled her papers, an envelope caught her eye.
“Another good-luck message from Jill?” she wondered as
she ripped it open. If she hadn’t been in such a hurry she
might have realized from the return address that the en-
velope was from Jeff Desmond!
She began to read: “Good Luck! I’ll be waiting for you.
A Memory Unchained___________ 15
Sorry about everything. Lets start over. I love you, signed
Pamela paused. She read the message over and over.
Then she accidentally repeated the message out loud. She
shook her head in disbelief.
“Start Over? Not a chance! Who does he think he is
Pamela was embarrassed when she noticed everyone
turning around to see what the commotion was all about.
Her face flushed. She glanced at the little old lady and was
glad she had fallen asleep. She quickly pulled the magazine
over her face and scrunched lower in the seat, hoping no
one would notice her.
“He is so full of himself it’s down right disgusting!” she
mumbled quietly to herself. “Count to ten, count to ten,”
she reminded herself. “Why am I always counting to ten
when it comes to Jeff?” she sighed again, pretending to
read the magazine.
It wasn’t long before her thoughts drifted back to their
first kiss. Her hands began to perspire as she remembered
how powerful, yet sweet and loving that kiss was. Jeff
was about the biggest catch of the season. He had looks,
money, and was single. Every woman had her eye on the
single heartthrob of the year! The gossip columnists had
a field day with him.
Pamela closed her eyes and reminded herself that was
not what she was looking for. She wanted more, a deep,
caring relationship built on faith and trust, a relationship
like she had with her late husband. “I don’t think that
would ever be possible with this ‘man of the world’,” she
16 __________________Gloria Graham
She tried to push the thought of Jeff Desmond out of
her mind. “It’s over, finished!” she whispered. The hand-
some department store manager was a closed subject.
Pamela began tearing the note in tiny shreds. By this
time the little French lady moved her wrinkled hand across
the seat and patted her hand. “It will be alright,” she smiled.
Pamela realized she had probably heard the sighs and the
paper tearing but really needed someone to give her a little
comfort at that moment.
Pamela reached across the arm of the seat and gave the
old woman a kiss on the cheek. The thought crossed her
mind, “A kiss is the same in any language!”
The “Fasten Your Seatbelt” sign came on. People began
buckling their belts as the steward announced, “We will be
arriving in Paris in a few minutes.” Pamela glanced out the
window to see the land appear below. Her heart began to
flutter as she anticipated what would be happening next.
She watched as the bags began to circle the ramp. It
was a good feeling to see her bags come around. “One,
two, three,” she counted. They were all there! “Yes,” she
As she looked around, nothing looked familiar. The
signs, all in French, made her realize more than ever that
she was the foreigner in this country. She opened her book
to try and translate! This was not a simple task. It seemed
to take hours to find out how to say, “where is the…”
Just as she began to feel very frustrated, a very French
voice startled her. “Ms. Thornton?” he asked.
“Yes.” She whirled around to see a very tall, handsome
Frenchman stood smiling at her.
“Oh,” she said, sounding a bit like a schoolgirl lost on
A Memory Unchained___________ 17
her first day at high school. “Did Mr. Dupar send you?”
“Oui,” he answered. His French accent was very evi-
dent. She knew that it meant, “Yes.”
“Thank heavens! I was beginning to feel very lost! I
really didn’t know what to do next!” She smiled and he
smiled back. She was sure he didn’t understand one word
She pointed to the beautiful aqua bags that were on
the ground beside her. “These are mine.”
“This way mademoiselle,” he said as he led the way
through the crowded lobby to the exit doors. A maroon
limousine pulled alongside the entrance. The chauffeur
jumped out quickly and opened the door for her. He
turned to look at the handsome Frenchman, “Your car
Mr. Dupar,” he said. Bowing a bit.
Pamela looked shocked! “Dupar?” she quizzed.
“Rex Dupar, at your service Chéri.” He bowed slightly
too and laughed.
“I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.” Her face
turned a bright pink which made her blue eyes sparkle
“How wonderful, a woman who can still blush!” he
“I feel so foolish, I never expected a busy man like you
to meet me,” she had a perplexed look on her face. Pamela
had wanted his first impression of her to be one of elegance
and refinement. She knew she had just blown that away.
“Please, do not be embarrassed, it is I who should apolo-
gize. It was a little joke, but perhaps not a very good one?”
He raised his eyebrows a bit waiting for a response.
“It’s really okay, it was really a good joke on me.” She
18 __________________Gloria Graham
“Mon Ami, you are so very kind. Do forgive my little
joke and let me repay it. If you will allow me, tomorrow
I shall show you my Paris!” He bowed again.
“That would be wonderful, I can’t wait.” Her excite-
ment was evident in her voice.
“You have not seen Paris until you see it with a French
man!” he laughed.
Pamela didn’t feel like going to bed, even though the
clock on the wall said it was time. She glanced at her watch
and was reminded of the time difference. “Jet lag, that’s
what I have, jet lag.” She smiled as she began changing the
time on her watch. She was completely mixed up and the
excitement she felt finally got the best of her. She whirled
around in a circle repeating over and over, “Can this re-
ally be happening to me? Paris?” When she finally settled
back to the job of unpacking, she thoughtfully thanked
God for making all of this possible. “God is so good,” she
whispered and then followed it with the saying she had
grown up with in church, “all of the time.”
Pamela had just finished hanging the last of her clothes
in the closet when there was a knock at the door.
Puzzled, she opened the door. A short, pale-faced man
stood holding a huge bouquet of yellow roses.
“Oh, for me?” She said in surprise.
“Oui Mademoiselle.” He handed the bouquet to Pa-
mela waiting for her response.
“Oh yes, the tip,” she sputtered as she tried to find
her purse in the mess she had still laying on the bed. She
opened her purse and grabbed a handful of coins. She had
no idea how much each coin represented.The deliveryman
A Memory Unchained___________ 19
smiled and acted very grateful. As Pamela closed the door
she wondered how much she had given him. “I must learn
this money,” she muttered. Pamela smelled the roses and
pulled the card from the holder.
The enclosure read:
MISS YOU ALREADY!
I WAS FOOLISH.
FORGIVE ME FOR BACK BAY.
“I can’t believe him. He knows how I feel about Back
Bay Harbor.” Her jaw flexed as she read the note over and
over. She couldn’t imagine how he could stoop so low,
to refer to her hideaway overlooking Back Bay Harbor,
Maine. Jeff was bringing out feelings of anger, rejection,
and disappointment. She had just gotten over all of that
but at that moment they came flooding back!
Jeff had shaken her, unsettled her emotions. Emotions
that she thought she would never have again. “How can I
ever be free to love again?” She sobbed as thoughts of Jeff
came flooding back in front of her eyes. She remembered
how Jeff held her close in his arms so firm and loving. She
remembered the touch of his lips on hers and the warm
glow she felt.
Pamela regained her composure and muttered to her-
self. “Never again! He’s no good for me, I know it!” she
began a conversation with herself. “How could I have
been so taken in? Didn’t Tom’s memory deserve better?”
Pamela felt pangs of guilt sweep over her. She tossed the
card into the wastebasket but couldn’t bring herself to
discard the roses. Pamela softly touched one of the petals
as she thought about Jeff Desmond, a man she needed to
20 __________________Gloria Graham
forget! She quietly prayed, “Help me God, I’m so weak
and he is so handsome!”
The next morning bright and early Rex was at the
door. Paris was everything she had dreamed of and with
Rex as her guide it was especially wonderful. She had a
hard time taking in all the sights as Rex pointed out the
different sights. She loved the tree lined streets and all the
artists painting along the banks of the Seine. She had seen
movies of these places all her life but to be there in person
“Over there,” he pointed to the Eiffel Tower jetting up
into the sky. “Would you like to go up inside?” he asked.
Pamela hesitated, “Well if it’s all the same to you I would
rather not. I am not too good with heights and I am still
trying to get my feet on the ground from that long flight,”
“I understand completely,” he smiled back. Rex mo-
tioned for his chauffer to stop the car so they could get
“Let’s walk a while, you can do some window shop-
ping!” Rex knew what every woman wanted, Shopping!
Pamela was in 7th heaven.They walked down the tree-
lined street to the end, not missing a store. She had piled
presents up on Rex’s arms so high he couldn’t hold one
more. They began to laugh as he bent down to retrieve
one of the gifts off the top of the pile.
“I think I’d better quit,” she laughed. “I don’t think
there is an empty spot in your car!”
Rex motioned for his limousine to pick them up. The
chauffeur had been driving slowly following them as they
walked. “One more thing you must do Chéri, toss a coin
A Memory Unchained___________ 21
into the river,” he handed her a coin. “We shall drive to a
spot you can do that!” he said, giving the driver instruc-
“I guess you want me to make a wish, right?” She held
the coin tightly in her hand thinking of what she should
“One thing for sure, Chéri, once you do that the mag-
netic love of Paris will bring you back again!” Rex sounded
very sure of that fact.
“It’s all so wonderful, like I am having a beautiful
dream. I don’t want to wake up!” She sighed.
“We have seen so much today, I can hardly keep it all
straight!” She smiled.
“I am afraid I have tired you,” he said as he took off his
jacket and placed it around her shoulders. “You are having
a chill. It gets very cold as the sun begins to set.”
Pamela couldn’t help remember her daughter’s words,
“Maybe you will meet a handsome Frenchman!” A tiny
smile crossed her lips.
“You are thinking something funny?” he asked.
“Well,” she stammered, wondering if she should really
be telling him how she felt.
“You sound a bit uppity,” she paused watching for
some kind of expression on Rex’s face. “You know, stuck
on yourself.” Rex looked puzzled.
“Oh, as you American’s say, a Jerk!” he smiled.
“Well, yes, I guess that’s what I was trying to say,” she
Rex broke out in a loud uncontrolled laughter. Pamela
stared at him waiting for his next remark.
“Perhaps, a few years ago, Chéri, Oui, - but not any-
22 __________________Gloria Graham
more. My success has been sweet and rewarding but also
very humbling. I learned the hard way that no man is an
island and certainly no man becomes a designer without a
lot of friends to help him along the way!” He smiled and
continued, “I am so fortunate to have many good friends
and I feel I have again met another good friend today!”
He bowed gently and kissed her hand.
“I feel that way too,” she placed her hand on top of
“Tomorrow I have someone I want you to meet. He is
a very special friend of mine. Someone who can help you
here in Paris!” he said.
“I would consider that an honor,” she replied gra-
“He’s young, handsome and a very ambitious man. He
is also an American in Paris!” He smiled.
“That’s wonderful. When do I get to meet this fellow
American?” she asked.
“I shall plan a small dinner party for you, then you
shall meet Grant Mondane. He has control of one of the
largest chains of department stores in Europe. He is only
thirty and is one of the youngest entrepreneurs in all of
“Sounds very impressive. Actually, just about right for
my daughter!” She laughed. “She just turned 21.”
“I know you mentioned your daughter but there is no
way you have a daughter 21!” He looked shocked.
“My you do know all the right things to say Mr. Du-
par!” she teased, making a polite nod.
“All I can say, Chéri, if she is as beautiful as her mother
well—ooh lala!” He smiled.
A Memory Unchained___________ 23
“You are so good for my ego, and I do thank you for
the compliment. Jill is truly beautiful inside and out and
the love of my life,” Pamela added quickly.
“And your husband, Chéri, is he also the love of your
life?” Rex watched her face. Pamela paused and looked
down for a long moment not speaking.
“Forgive me, Chéri, I am intruding,” his voice cracked
“No need to feel that way,” she smiled softly, “My hus-
band passed away last year very suddenly. I was completely
devastated. I thought my life was over.This is the first time
I have been away since then.”
“I am so sorry, Chéri,” he said softly.
“Jill loved her father as much as I did.The loss was hard
for both of us. But, she was young and had an exciting
life in college so she has been able to go on. For me it was
not so easy. One very good thing came out of this tragedy.
My daughter and I have become closer than ever. We are
very good friends.”
“How very lucky you are to have her,” he smiled and
added, “Will Jill be joining you in Parie?”
“I wish she could but she is very busy with her school-
ing. She makes sure she comes home on vacations and
summer but not often enough for me,” Pamela sighed.
Pamela couldn’t believe she had opened up so quickly
to Rex. It was not like her to share her feelings so openly
with anyone, especially regarding her late husband. She
took a deep breath and waited for Rex to speak.
“You miss your husband very much don’t you
“More than I can ever say. His memory is with me
24 __________________Gloria Graham
constantly. We were married twenty-three years,” Pamela’s
eyes showed the sadness she felt inside. “We were constant
companions. It was a very special relationship.” She paused
a moment and then continued, “It was an unselfish love.
He always wanted the best for me and I wanted the same
for him. I do miss him so,” her voice trailed off.
Rex touched her hand softly. His understanding was
electric. Pamela felt that electricity and knew she had a
new friend in Rex.
That evening Pamela was still remembering the conver-
sation with Rex and how the memories were flooding back
even as she had tried to put it all behind her. Just talking
with Rex about it made it all seem as if it were yesterday.
She felt alone and sad as she sat in the hotel room. Her life
had changed so much this past year. She hated it without
Where had the years gone? There were so many things
left undone, so many things they planned to do together.
Pamela slipped into deep thought.
Pamela thought back to the day she married herTom. It
seemed so long ago and yet as only yesterday. Her thoughts
reeled as she remembered the day she spotted Tom across
the hallway from her design class in High school. She re-
called how she always made a special detour so Tom could
get a good look and give a wolf whistle so she would look
Pam had a special little twist of her hips and a toss of
her long black hair that caused the guys to turn around.
Tom was no exception. With Tom she always managed to
give him an enticing smile.
Tom was on the varsity football team as an end and
A Memory Unchained___________ 25
Pamela was a majorette so when the season started they
found themselves together. Tom had been just an average
player but Pamela thought he was the only one on the
team.Tom spent time watching her as she pranced around,
twirling her baton to the music of the school band.
Pamela recalled how she almost gave up on Tom. He
was so shy she wondered if he would ever get up the cour-
age to ask her for a date. When he finally asked her out,
she about fainted.
Pamela smiled as she remembered that first date. She
loved the way Tom always teased about that first date and
their courting days. His favorite remarks were, “I was a real
nerd I think. Never dated before, a real backward kid.”
Pamela remembered too what a change came overTom
when she got him to go to youth group at the church with
her. It wasn’t long until Tom was the favorite of everyone.
They shared the same faith and God smiled on them as a
couple from the very beginning.
Pamela wanted to stop remembering but the memories
just kept coming back. She could seeTom pulling into her
driveway for their first date. His cute customized Chev-
rolet, the one he worked on constantly, made her heart
skip a beat.
Her parents liked him right away. “Home by twelve,”
her dad reminded them as they went out the door.
“Sure thing Sir,”Tom answered firmly.They were home
by twelve she recalled. Pamela realized she was in love
before Tom did. It took him a while to realize he couldn’t
live without her. Tom didn’t know it but Pamela had her
mind made up from the moment she laid eyes on him.
He was doomed! Tom and Pamela dated for a year before
26 __________________Gloria Graham
he asked her to marry him.
Pamela’s eyes were filled with tears of joy when Rex’s
voice made her jump. “You have been away in your
thoughts, Chéri,” Rex sat quietly in the chair next to
“Forgive me,” she smiled.
“What shall we do tomorrow Chéri?” he asked, realizing
it was time to change the mood of the moment.
“I would love to see your salon and some of your de-
signs. Is that possible, or do you worry that I’m a spy?” she
flashed him a questioning look.
“For you Chéri, anything is possible. We shall have our
very own showing of my most beloved designs.Tomorrow
it is!” He bent over and kissed her hand softly.
Pamela waved as Rex’s limousine pulled away from
the curb. “How lucky I am to have this new friend!” she
sighed as she walked toward the hotel steps. A gust of wind
caught her skirt and in that very moment she felt a sudden
loneliness overwhelm her.
The alarm woke Pamela just in time to hear
a loud knock on the door. She grumbled as she headed for
the door. She peeked through the small hole to see Rex
Dupar standing there, impatiently shifting from one foot
to the other.
Opening the door, she began to apologize. “I’m so
sorry, I must have overslept,” she yawned, as Rex entered
“Jet lag, it’s called,” he laughed. “No need for apolo-
gies, just get yourself ready to do the town, Chéri! We are
going to need every moment we have in this day for you
to take in my Parie!”
Pamela walked slowly out of the room toward the
bedroom. “Why don’t you start the coffee, that will save
us time,” she smiled. Rex headed towards the coffee pot
sitting on the chest.
28 __________________Gloria Graham
“Tea, Chéri,Tea! What am I going to do with you? You
are in Parie and it’s Tea!” he laughed.
“Okay, okay, Tea. Guess I will get used to this place
sooner or later,” she laughed.
Rex began his tour immediately as the limousine left
the curb. He pointed out everything as they passed it but
Pamela found it hard to keep her eyes open. The jet lag
was really taking hold.
“I hope we can re-do some of this tour later when I
wake up,” she laughed. “I hate missing anything!”
They pulled up in front of a very ornate building and
stopped. Jason, the chauffer, opened the door as Pamela
exclaimed, “What a beautiful building!” Jason nodded his
head in agreement.
“Come Chéri, I have a surprise for you,” Rex took
her hand and they walked up a long, long flight of stairs.
“Now you will see where I spend all my time!” he said as
he opened the door to his office.
Rex’s office took Pamela’s breath away. His monetary
success as one of Paris’ foremost designers was evident
immediately. “Oh my, it’s beautiful, absolutely gorgeous,”
“Mi Chéri, this is just the beginning. Come sit down
and prepare for your real surprise.” Rex ushered her to the
plush, velvet Chippendale armchair sitting in a room just
off the main office.
The room was beautifully decorated in gold velvet and
bright royal blue.There was a runway that filled the center
of the room with a small stage at the front. Gold velvet
curtains were drawn and the distant sound of music filled
A Memory Unchained___________ 29
“And now for your surprise, Chéri.”
The curtains parted as Rex announced, “The first show-
ing of my latest creations, just for you Chéri.” He sat down
beside her and she leaned close to him and whispered, “I
feel so special. But are you sure you trust me?
“You are! And I do!” he smiled.
Runway music began as the models paraded in front
of them, each wearing one of Rex’s newest original fall
creations. Watching each model glide elegantly across the
plush apricot carpeted ramp caught her breath. A very tall
elegant model moved toward her. The look on Pamela’s
face was one of shock. Her eyes lit up as if she had seen
Rex watched her as the girl in the blue chiffon under
lace gown swirled in front of her, dipping and twirling
slowly.The back of the gown dripped with white sparkling
diamonds, each one catching a special color of the rainbow
as she walked. It was a dazzling dress, a showstopper.
Pamela watched intently, she couldn’t help but drift off
to another time, another day, another chained up memory,
a delicate, beautiful memory too long ago, yet as if it were
yesterday. As the model swirled around and around, she
remembered the time she and her husbandTom celebrated
Tom had held her close as they danced. She wore what
came to be his favorite dress, the blue chiffon, with spar-
kling rhinestones shimmering down her back. She had
picked it out especially for this special occasion. It was
They had made plans to spend their 20th wedding
anniversary in Paris but as the summer came closer it was
30 __________________Gloria Graham
evident to them both they could not be away from their
business that long, so Paris had to wait.
“Sorry Baby,”Tom had said in his very straightforward,
loving way. “We’re going on vacation, I promise, some-
where a little closer, maybe up the coast,” he smiled. He
looked so pathetic and apologetic that Pamela had agreed
Pamela sank deeper into her silence of memories as she
watched the model glide back and forth across the runway.
Even the music seemed the same. She sank deeper into
The vacation Tom spoke of happened in October of
that year. It was a beautiful fall and they were basking in
the beauty of New England and it’s masterpiece of colors.
Each colorful leaf had seemed to reflect the glow of love
they had for each other. It had turned out to be a second
honeymoon, not in Paris, but in the small, quaint beauty
of the Coast of New England.
Pamela could feel Tom’s nervousness as he turned at
the road sign that read, “Back Bay Harbor.”
“Okay baby, close your eyes tight,” he instructed her,
“No peeking!” He sounded so excited. Pamela closed her
eyes as her heart began to beat a little faster in anticipa-
“Okay, open your eyes,” he said.
Pamela opened her eyes to see a small cottage that sat
right on the cliff overlooking the ocean. “Where are we?”
she asked, sighing a little as her eyes took in the beautiful
view and soft breeze of the ocean hitting her face.
“We’re at our home away from home!” he smiled.
“Don’t kid me Tom, you know I don’t like jokes!” she
A Memory Unchained___________ 31
“Well it needs a little work, but it’s ours!” he said,
“Happy Anniversary baby!” Pamela’s eyes filled with tears
of joy, as she squealed and threw herself into his arms,
kissing him continuously on his face and neck.
“Surprised ya, huh!” he laughed. Tom knew this was
her dream, to have a place of their own at the beach.
“Come on lets look the place over. See, we are on a
cul-de-sac, on this hill with lots of ground,” he pointed
to the path that lead to a private beach below.
“It’s perfect, just perfect,” she sighed.
“Wait until you see inside, come on,”Tom had been so
excited and now he was getting the joy of watching Pam
begin all the plans that would make the little cottage like
Pamela remembered all the fun they had fixing up the
beach house.They hung wallpaper and painted, purchased
new furniture and picked out just the right dishes to match
everything. She remembered how much it felt like starting
all over again, falling in love again.
The beach house had filled a void in Pamela’s life. She
needed something to help occupy her time after Jill left
for college and Tom had been busy with the business. The
cottage had been just the ticket. She and Tom spent time
enjoying their honeymoon cottage overlooking the bay.
As the model glided across the runway to the exit,
Pamela remembered the final day following Tom’s death
when she closed up the beach house. Tom had been gone
a year and life had lost all meaning. The joy of the little
cottage was gone and Pamela’s life seemed to be at an end.
She left everything just as it was the last time they spent
32 __________________Gloria Graham
together at the cottage on Back Bay Harbor.
“I know you are definitely in another world my Chéri,
but do you really like the blue chiffon that well?” Rex knew
she was in another world watching the presentation of the
Pamela jumped as Rex offered her his handkerchief.
“My beautiful blue creation is quite moving but not worth
your tears, Mi Chéri!” he joked.
“I will go and get the other gowns organized. Please sit
and relax until I return,” he excused himself. The memo-
ries Pamela had experienced had not left her mind. She
had returned to the beach house. This time it was the very
first time they stayed in the beautifully redecorated home.
This night was to be a get acquainted party for them at
the clubhouse. She had been undecided on what to wear.
As usual she had tried on at least three outfits and none
seemed right. “What on earth shall I wear?” she finally
asked Tom. “Why do you ask me? You will wear the first
thing you tried on!” he laughed. Then he yelled back,
“Wear that blue one, you know my favorite!”
“That one is a little fancy don’t you think?” She called
“Hey, we want the neighbors to see you at your
“Okay, blue chiffon it is!” she said with a lilt in her
Tom had been waiting for her on the balcony when she
came down the stairs. He was speechless for a moment.
“You are beautiful, that’s for sure.”
Tom kissed her sweetly.
“My hair, Tom,” she nudged him gently away.
A Memory Unchained___________ 33
“What would you say to staying home tonight?”
Pamela smiled. “What will our neighbors think?”
“Who cares?” he insisted. “This is our place, our time
together!” He pulled her close and she melted into his
arms. She forgot about her hair, her dress, everything
except loving Tom.
His kiss stirred up the desire that he always managed
to make her feel. The oneness they felt flowed between
them. Since a cool breeze flowed into the room, whipping
the drapes about.
“It’s like a kiss, the breeze,” he whispered softly.
“Oh yes,” she murmured.
“It’s like my kiss for you, beautiful and unending,” he
whispered softly. Pamela felt the winds of love.
As the moon spilled its soft iridescent glow around the
bedroom, it had been a new beginning for them.Their love
had taken on a new dimension, a second honeymoon. Only
this time each one knew what to do to make it special. A
gift of love shared by two.
She was lost in those memories when Rex called her
name! She flinched. She was back to reality.
“Are you with me?”
She quickly answered him. “They are wonderful, every
design is a masterpiece!”
“And especially the blue chiffon I would guess!” He
smiled, “I saw the look on your face.” She hadn’t hidden
anything from him!
“Just a memory,” she managed to say.
The fashion show Rex had arranged for her was like a
professional production! She could have been more atten-
tive, if it hadn’t been for the exquisite blue chiffon gown
34 __________________Gloria Graham
captivating her thoughts.
“Now let me show you more of my beautiful Paris, out-
side this clothing department!” Rex took her arm and led
her out of his salon to the waiting maroon limousine.
“It’s easy to see why you Frenchmen say you’ll fall in
love with Paris!” Pamela pointed to the small sidewalk café
with freshly painted tables and chairs and bright colored
“How do you manage to live through this traffic every
day?” She caught her breath as three automobiles came
directly toward them, dodging and turning abruptly into
“It’s the worse mess I’ve ever seen and no one gets hit!”
She shook her head in amazement.
Rex continued their trip around the city.
“And this is the Louvre, we shall tour it next,” Rex
pointed to the very drab gray but ornate building ahead.
All the buildings began to look alike to Pamela. Every
building had its huge columns adorning an endless climb
of stairs and more stairs!
After hours of walking, Pamela’s feet felt as if she had
walked a thousand miles! Rex was still in high gear as they
toured the endless rooms of the Louvre.
“You go ahead, I’m going to sit down and wait for
you!” she insisted.
Rex walked on to an area that intrigued him. Pamela
watched as a large tour group gathered in front of her.
The guide was explaining, “And this room is the room of
statues,” he said pointing to the room she was resting in.
The guide’s words jolted her memory.
A Memory Unchained___________ 35
She heard them the day the real estate agent brought his
client to view her beach house. She really had not wanted
to sell. But he hounded her, insisting it would bring quite
a price! Tom had left her with a small insurance policy
making it necessary for her to work.
When the couple arrived with the agent, Pamela
agreed to stay out of the way. It wasn’t until the woman
commented loudly on the bad taste in wallpaper that she
interrupted! They had not been concerned about her feel-
ings. Her temper got the best of her.
She promptly ushered them to the door, informing
them the house was no longer for sale!They left with their
mouths still hanging open!
It was at that moment the shock of returning to her
beach house was gone. Tom’s memory flooded the room.
She felt his presence, his love surrounding her, comfort-
It was a good feeling. She realized that she needed to
keep their place and his memory a part of her life.
She would never love any other man, she thought, as she
reveled in her memories. The time since Tom’s death had
been long and lonely, and not long enough to forget!
The Parisian guide ushered his tourists on. “And in this
room..,” he began. Pamela chuckled watching the group
of Japanese tourists pass by with all the different expensive
cameras. “Just like home!” she thought.
She looked around her. The room was filled with male
statues twelve feet tall, of white plaster and without a stitch
on! She blushed.
“If Jill could see me now with all these men!” she
laughed. Jill had been avid about the recluse her mother
36 __________________Gloria Graham
had become. “You’ve got to get out, be with people again,
start dating! Please Mom!” she insisted.
Pamela knew Jill meant well, but it wasn’t so easy for a
woman of forty to begin the dating scene again. “I will, I
will,” Pamela promised Jill. “I’ll really try to get out.”
“You know dad would never have wanted you to be
this lonely – you know that!” Jill had never mentioned
that fact to Pamela before. She was right, Pamela knew
it, but it wouldn’t be easy for her to start over. In fact she
was scared to death.
For the past year and a half she had buried herself in
her work, designing clothes, working late until she fell into
bed exhausted, too tired to care about anything!
She thought about Janice Monroe. It had been at her
recommendation that she landed her job at Orlands De-
partment Store. She owed her one, she reminded herself!
Pamela smiled and waved as Rex across the huge room
in the Louvre. Rex waved as he wandered into another
alcove. Rex told her he never got bored in the old historic
museum. Each visit always turned up something he had
never seen before.
“No wonder,” she laughed. “This place is huge. I’ve
never seen anything like it!”
She leaned back against the hard bench. Her thoughts
were of Janice again, how she really owed her not one but
two. It was her dinner party that pushed her back into the
When the gold engraved envelope popped up on
Pamela’s desk, she had tried to ignore it. When she finally
opened it, the gold words jumped out.
SATURDAY – 8:00 PM.
A Memory Unchained___________ 37
MONROE ESTATES, EAST BOSTON ROAD.
Pamela had laughed out loud. “I finally made her list!
Well I’ll be!” she thought. It hadn’t been so many years ago
Janice Monroe wouldn’t give PamelaThornton, Designer,
the time of day.
Pamela remembered her refusal to take a dress she had
designed for her. It made her look fat, she snapped! She
had saved their relationship by taking her to the stockroom
and letting her pick anything she wanted. She was pleased
as punch! Little did she know that there were a dozen more
just like it on the rack. From that day on Pamela could do
no wrong in Janice’s eyes.
Pamela laid the gold invitation aside. Jill’s words vi-
brated in her head. “Get out a little Mom, you’re working
The weekend before had been hard on Pamela. Entering
the beach house again for the first time since Tom’s death,
then Jill’s insistence she get back into circulation. She had
second thoughts about Janice’s party and had almost de-
cided not to attend when the phone rang.
“Hi Mom, what’s new?”
Jill’s voice always made her day. She missed her daugh-
ter. But she would never let her know how much or Jill
would move home in a minute. College for Jill had been
her dad’s fondest wish.
“How about if I come down this weekend and we go
The whole world looked brighter to Pamela. Just the
thought of seeing Jill made it that way!
Pamela tried to put Janice’s party invitation out of her
38 __________________Gloria Graham
mind. But every time she shuffled through her papers,
there it was, staring her in the face!
When she told Jill about the invitation, she was de-
lighted. She bubbled with excitement as she began her
plans. “You have to go,” she insisted.
“Now,” she said, “You need a new hairstyle, something
short and bouncy, and maybe something to cover the little
gray hairs. Let me think on it Mom. I’ll figure out some-
thing scrumptious for you to wear!” Pamela laughed and
agreed to think about it.
She finally decided to go. “Besides, what could she lose
at forty? She assured herself.
Pamela had answered the RSVP and Janice gushed
Pamela could still hear the drawl of Janice’s d-a-r-l-i-
That night Jill’s call woke Pamela!
“Do you know what time it is young lady?” she
“Sure Mom, but listen. I have a surprise for you, I’m
going to design your dress for the party!” she paused,
“On the order of the blue chiffon Dad liked so well, but
more modern!” Jill waited for Pamela’s response. Pamela
was especially proud of Jill’s design ability. She would be
graduating with honors. How could she discourage her
“My blue chiffon with rhinestones?” Pamela hesi-
“We can use the trim off one of your other gowns, or
the rhinestones off the blue, you know which one don’t
A Memory Unchained___________ 39
Pamela knew. She would have preferred to leave that
one in the closet, sealed with her memories, but she would
never discourage Jill.
“It sounds elegant, I’ll be the hit of the party in my own
daughter’s creation!” Pamela beamed with pride already.
“I’m still not sure I should go, but,” her voice trailed
off. “You’ll have fun, don’t be an old fuddy-duddy, you
hear! Try to have fun. You need it. Now you call for that
hair appointment, please!”
Jill had actually made Pamela feel excited about the
party. When she hung the phone up she realized she hadn’t
ever asked about Jill’s new boyfriend.
Pamela worried about her. She wanted her to find a
love like she andTom had shared, a love built on trust and
caring. Jill seemed to be searching for Mr. Right!
Pamela looked around the immense room of the Louvre
again. “Yes,” she thought, “If Jill could only see me now.”
She was thinking about all the male statues around her
when Rex walked toward her. He smiled.
“I know this is the work of the masters, but…” she hesi-
tated. Rex laughed. “You are blushing again Mon Chéri.
Enough sightseeing for today!” He laughed again.
“I think so, I could use one of those beautiful sidewalk
cafés right now!”
“As you wish, just across the square,” he pointed toward
“I’ve never walked so much in my life. My legs are
killing me!” She rubbed her calves as they relaxed in the
Rex laughed as he suggested, “Now, about the party
40 __________________Gloria Graham
I’m having. Will tomorrow night be alright?” Rex looked
delighted with himself.
“What have you got up your sleeve? You look a little
“Just a few friends – to meet you!”
“Tomorrow will be fine. I should be able to walk again
by then.” She smiled as the waiter placed a delicious smell-
ing bowl of pottage in front of her. Where else but in Paris
would a bowl of soup look and smell so delicious!
Pamela had trouble falling asleep. Her
sightseeing trip through Paris had been exhausting. She
wondered what Rex had planned for the next day. She
glanced at the roses on the dresser from Jeff, still bloom-
It hadn’t been very long ago she had attended Janice’s
party. She could replay every moment in her thoughts. Her
eyes closed as she remembered that special time.
It had been a perfect evening for a party! The sky was
blue, crisp, and clear. Every star sparkled like a faceted
diamond. The moon looked like a giant light bulb dan-
gling in the sky. Pamela stood for a long moment at the
entrance before she rang the door chimes. She took a deep
breath and wondered again if she should turn around and
run while she still could.
42 __________________Gloria Graham
She remembered how the butler had answered the door
before she could turn around. She hesitated as she slowly
handed him the gold engraved invitation. Walking slowly
into the brightly lit dining room, she could feel the eyes and
see the heads turn as she passed by. She felt like her blue
chiffon was making a hit! She caught sight of Janice mak-
ing her way through the crowd toward her. She breathed
a sigh of relief seeing a familiar face!
Janice began bubbling all over her.
“Oh, Pamela, how wonderful you look, your cocktail
dress, it’s exquisite! I must talk to you later about design-
ing one for me!” She paused just long enough to take a
breath. “But now I have too many people I want you to
She took Pamela by the arm, pushing their way through
the crowd! Pamela wondered why the buddy-buddy act?
Janice acted like they were long lost friends. She followed
along thinking, “There is no sense ruining a perfectly good
evening. Besides my dress may just gather a few more
customers for “Orlands,” thanks to Jill!”
Before Janice wandered on to the next group of impor-
tant people, she whispered in Pamela’s ear.
“Is that dress your own creation?”
Pamela paused for a moment.
“Well, it’s all in the family,” she said, thinking to herself
that Jill wouldn’t mind her omitting a long explanation!
“You must design something for me! It’s utterly sub-
lime.” She was gushing with admiration and envy.
“It would be a pleasure. Please, come in anytime. We
should be able to do something very nice for you.” Pamela
A Memory Unchained___________ 43
It was gratifying to know she looked good.This outing
had cost her a lot of time and money trying to look just
that way. Tonight she definitely felt elegant and Jill had
seen to that.
Pamela circulated slowly, talking with the different
business people she knew and the women she had done
fashion creations for. Everyone who was anyone in Boston
society was present. Janice had outdone herself. Her parties
were always spectacular!
Pamela had been trapped by one of her competitors
and was becoming bored with his boastful talk when Janice
took her by the arm and rescued her. She pulled Pamela
aside and whispered there was someone she wanted her
“Thank you, anything would be better than old bor-
ing!” she laughed.
“Come, you must meet him!”
“He’s been watching you all evening,” she said, whis-
pering softer. She followed Janice toward the terrace to a
group of small intimate tables. As they worked their way
through the crowd Pamela noticed the very handsome man
sitting at the far table. He was definitely worth a second
look she thought. She didn’t have time for another look;
they were headed straight for his table. Pamela felt her face
flush. She wondered if the heat was on or if it was just her?
She smiled as Janice introduced her.
“Jeff, this is Pamela Thornton.” Janice smiled and fin-
ished her introduction. Pamela felt she was really buttering
her up for something.
“Really?” he said in a deep voice. “Maybe I’ll just steal
you from Orlands.” His silver blue eyes sparkled as he
44 __________________Gloria Graham
Janice ignored his entire conversation and interrupted
with, “Jeff owns a string of department stores, Desmonds
of New York. How many now Jeff?” she said.
He looked embarrassed!
“Oh, a couple or so, and I can always use another sharp
designer!” He smiled at Pamela and took her hand and led
her out of Janice’s clutches!
“Well,” he said, “that’s a relief. That woman tends to
get on my nerves, money or not!”
They both laughed. Pamela couldn’t keep her eyes off
his. They were as blue as the sky with a glint of silver ev-
ery now and then. When he looked at her she felt as if he
could hypnotize her easily!
As the evening progressed they took longer glances
at each other, as if a veil between them were being lifted
slowly. They danced at a proper distance to every slow
dance and talked through the fast ones.
It was becoming evident that Jeff Desmond was inter-
ested in her! She couldn’t remember feeling this kind of
excitement in a long time. It was a feeling she had tucked
away! For over a year she had suppressed the desire for a
man but now she had met someone who stirred up that
old feeling. It scared her!
“Silly,” she thought. “Only moonstruck teenagers feel
this way.” Pamela rubbed her hands, they were perspiring.
Her face felt flushed. Had to be a hot flash she assured
By the time the party ended she was more relaxed in
his arms as he led her around the dance floor. The proper
distance shortened as he pulled her closer to his chest.
A Memory Unchained___________ 45
His soft voice and gentle personality made her feel
comfortable.The evening slipped by too quickly and finally
Jeff got around to asking the big question.
“Are you married?”
“Widowed,” she answered with no hesitation, “a year
and a half ago. This is actually my first social outing.”
She decided to tell it like it was, even if Jill had warned
her not to!
“I admire your honesty!” he said.
“And you?” she asked. “Are you married?”
“Divorced,” he answered. “She left me years ago. Took
our son when he was six months old. Left me for a guy
with plenty of money, gave her what I couldn’t then!”
He hesitated. “I was pretty shook up for a long time,” he
paused again, “until this friend of mine took me under his
wing.” Pamela listened with interest.
“By the time I got my life together it was too late to
“Where did they go?” She asked.
“Europe, I was told. I never saw my son after that. I
tried to locate them, but I couldn’t afford to hunt them.
I had to learn to live all over again. I wanted my son!” his
“It must have been hard to pick up the pieces,” she
“Wasn’t easy,” he said quickly. “I had a lot of help,” he
“What about you? Have you picked up the pieces?”
“I think so, but my daughter doesn’t! She insisted I
come to this party tonight. She worries about me like I
was the daughter!”
46 __________________Gloria Graham
“I’m glad she won,” he said.
“Me too,” she said softly.
“We have a lot in common, don’t we?” he said. “We’re
both working hard to overcome something! Looks like
we’re surviving!” He smiled and Pamela felt a strange ache
in her stomach!
“I think you’re right,” she agreed. Pamela’s heart
pumped faster. Had she met a Christian man right out of
the gate? That would be too good to be true.
She wondered, should she mention her faith? She de-
cided to omit the subject of religion for the time being.
It had been a beautiful night. “A wonderful way to get
back into circulation,” she thought. She didn’t even mind
Janice’s overbearing attitude! After all, she had introduced
her to Jeff. It was unusual for her to meet a man she could
be at ease with immediately. Jeff Desmond was definitely
that way! Pamela smiled to herself.
Pamela began her round of thank-yous and goodbyes
as the party began breaking up.
Jeff escorted her to the door and then to her car!
“I enjoyed the evening,” he said firmly. “Can we do it
“I’d like that.” Pamela flashed her beautiful smile over
her shoulder as she slid into her car.
“Do you like to fish?” he asked.
“Uh,” she paused, and then laughed. “Not really, I’m
a terrible sailor!”
“How about tennis?” he fired back.
“Sure. I’m not very good, but I love to play.”
“Great,” he said. “Saturday at my club. Shall I pick
A Memory Unchained___________ 47
“Will it be convenient if I just meet you? Got to get
back to the office early Saturday afternoon.” She needed
an out, just in case they didn’t hit it off the second time!
Pamela watched him in the rearview mirror as she
pulled out of Janice’s circle drive.
He looked so handsome in his white dinner jacket!
He waved again. Pamela smiled and said to herself softly,
“Thanks Janice, I owe you another one!”
Pamela couldn’t wait to call Jill. It was late, but she
promised she would call. Jill was as excited as her mother!
“I was hoping you’d call, I wasn’t sleeping,” she said. “You’re
a little late getting home aren’t you?” Jill joked.
From her mother’s description of the evening, Jill
caught Jeff’s name immediately!
“Is he good looking Mom?”
“Well, yes, but just a very interesting, well-adjusted
“Jill!” Pamela chided.
“Just kidding Mom, I’m so glad! It’s what I prayed for!
Are you going to see him again?” She added with no pause
“Uh-huh, Saturday, for tennis!”
“Super, It’s just what you need, a boyfriend!”
“Wait a minute young lady! He’s just a very nice
“Okay,” Jill agreed. “But give him a chance, prom-
“I promise, just for you!” and added swiftly, “whose
the mother in this outfit anyway?” Pamela laughed. Jill
was definitely her best friend. She loved sharing with her
48 __________________Gloria Graham
Pamela had been euphoric about the whole evening.
Meeting Jeff was an added blessing. It was the first time she
had even given any man a second look since Tom’s death.
Jill’s insistence made that evening possible.
Paris was especially beautiful in the evening.The breeze
that blew in her open patio door gave her the idea to just
sit outside and relax for a while. She hadn’t had any time
alone since she arrived in Paris.
It was a nice feeling. The quiet was pierced only by the
sounds of crickets. A sweet aroma from the flowers that
surrounded the patio filled the air. She was enchanted
Pamela sank back into the soft patio chair.
A familiar sound rang in her ears. It was the sound
of tennis players. “Who would be playing at this time of
night?” she wondered. It was evident not everyone suffered
from jetlag! It was still early for them! She walked to the
edge of the court and watched a game in progress.
She was immediately taken back in time to a memory
chained in her heart. She thought of her first date with Jeff
Desmond to play tennis. It had been a beautiful Saturday,
perfect for a game of tennis.
Pamela remembered how nervous she had been. She
changed her clothes three times before deciding on a cute
navy blue outfit. At least she would look like she knew
what she was doing!
Jeff had been waiting for her on the front steps. He
waved when he spotted her car.
“Hope I’m not late, traffic was terrible!”
A Memory Unchained___________ 49
“You’re just on time!” he said as he pulled her door
open, beckoning the doorman to park her car!
“Are you ready for this?” he asked, smiling in a very
“I warned you, I’m really rusty. I haven’t played in a
very long time!”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that one before, I’ll just wait and see!”
Pamela remembered that day as she watched the young
couple on the tennis court in Paris. They were conversing
very poorly in French and she couldn’t understand a word
they were saying! She did understand their laughter.
That same laughter had filled the courts that Saturday
when she and Jeff played tennis together.
It was easy to have fun with him. Pamela had won-
dered why the gossip columnists portrayed him as such a
When the match ended Jeff had jumped over the net
and shook her hand gingerly.
“You lied! You’re good!” he said out of breath.
She apologized for winning. “It’s really been a long
“I’d hate to play you when you’re not rusty! Guess I’d
better practice up for the next match!”
Pamela grinned sheepishly! She felt encouraged he was
thinking of a “next time”!
The stars were shining brightly over Paris as Pamela
continued to watch the young couple on the court. She
knew they were Americans too. They were young and she
could tell, in love, and in a foreign country like her.
She walked to the fence as they finished their match.
50 __________________Gloria Graham
“Hello,” she called.
They were elated.
“You’re American!” the young girl almost screamed.The
young man grabbed his jacket and headed for the gate.
“Hello,” they answered. Pamela could feel the
happiness they felt at seeing an “American friend.”
She had a wonderful time talking about Boston and New
York with the couple. They were on their honeymoon,
homesick, and eager to share California with her.
As tired as she was, Pamela felt they needed someone
to talk with, to feel a relationship of home with.
She watched the couple, so much in love, as they re-
turned to the court.
Her thoughts returned to Jeff and their Saturday to-
gether at the tennis club.
Their Saturday afternoon had passed all too quickly.
They had gone swimming in the club pool and rested
under the shade of the umbrella in the flower lined patio
Pamela had felt definitely attracted to him. He was
good to be with and so handsome, she thought.
When the day ended, Jeff made it clear he wanted to see
her again, soon. Her heart pounded in excitement. After
bidding Jeff goodbye, she barely returned home when the
phone rang. It was Jill.
“Mom! Where have you been?” She sounded wor-
“Sorry darling. I should have called! Jeff and I have been
playing tennis today! Remember I told you about it?”
Jill sighed, “Guess I forgot when it was. I couldn’t
imagine where you were, I was worried when I couldn’t
A Memory Unchained___________ 51
Pamela realized how her daughter felt. She had trained
her well. Jill had always been considerate of her mother’s
feelings and concerns.
She apologized and began to tell her about her date
with Jeff. She hesitated when she got to her real feelings.
Pamela decided to keep that part of her life her secret, for
the time being at least.
Pamela waved to the young couple still playing tennis
and decided to call it a day. Her memories of Jeff and Jill
had made her homesick.
She had trouble falling asleep. Her prayers were filled
with the anxieties she felt inside. She was grateful for her
experience in Paris, for Rex, her new friend, and very ex-
cited about this new phase in her life.
The harder she tried to go to sleep, the wider awake she
was. “Sleep Pamela,” she warned herself, “or you’ll look
The brakes squealed. Pamela clung tightly
to Rex’s arm. A look of panic frozen on her face.
“This is Parie!” Rex laughed.
“Eight lanes of traffic?” Pamela gulped. “It’s unbeliev-
She didn’t loosen her grip on his arm as they crossed
the main street, the Avenue De Champ Elyses.
“It’s a driver’s nightmare!” she gasped. Cars darted in
and out like dots on a video screen.
A brisk breeze lifted the dried up leaves off the side-
walk, pushing them into small clumps around the base of
the trees that lined the Avenue. Pamela pulled her jacket
around her neck.
Traffic was not a new experience for Pamela, but the
traffic in Paris was unlike anything she had ever seen.
54 __________________Gloria Graham
Rex laughed watching her jerk and jump.
They window shopped, stopping to pick up souvenirs
and gifts for her to take home.
Rex watched as she tried desperately to explain the
size sweater she wanted for Jill. Pamela’s arms waved and
measured as she spoke her broken French.
Finally he rescued her, laughing as he gave the right
size to the salesgirl.
“I’m really the foreigner here, aren’t I?” she smiled,
tucking the sweater bag under her arm.
“Not to me, Chéri, I’ll take care of you.” He smiled,
clasping his hand in hers.
Rex pointed to the other end of the Boulevard where a
magnificent arch covered the entire eight lanes of traffic.
“It’s the Arc de Triomphe!” She recognized it from pic-
tures of the end of the World War II. “I can just imagine the
heartache of the French people when the Germans marched
through that arch” She sighed, holding the back of her neck
as she looked upward! “It’s truly a masterpiece.”
“Oui,” he said thoughtfully.
As they walked past the entrance to the famous Lido
de Parie, the nightclub of nightclubs, she remarked how
small it looked.
“It’s so obscure! I would have passed right by it! I’d
never guess that was the famous Lido!” She shook her
head in disbelief.
“It’s beautiful inside, quite compact. If you like we can
take in the show before you leave! It’s a tourist trap I must
admit!” He said reluctantly.
Rex noticed her slowing down. “When you tire of walk-
ing, let me know and we shall ride back to my villa.”
A Memory Unchained___________ 55
“How can I tell you that when I’m receiving the most
wonderful tour in town?” She smiled, hoping she had not
revealed how tired she was.
“Let’s ride awhile, Chéri, you look exhausted!” Rex
walked to the curb, lifted his hand, and within seconds
his maroon limousine pulled up alongside.
Rex continued pointing out the interesting tourist at-
tractions as they rode along.
“I’ve never seen a city with so many huge churches in
it, seems like every corner has one.” She pointed to the
massive brick building covered with ivy.
“It’s the City of Love!” Rex smiled.
Pamela’s eyes were busy taking in all the sights of
She sat quietly until one particular sight puzzled her.
In the center of every block stood a small green receptacle.
It seemed to be a very popular place. Each enclosure had
a long line waiting to get inside.
“Those,” she pointed, “What are they?”
Rex smiled sheepishly and answered, “Relief sta-
Pamela thought for a minute, then without thinking
blurted out, “Outdoor toilets? How gross!”
Rex laughed. “You are blushing again!!”
“I can’t believe I used that word, ‘gross.’ It’s Jill’s favorite
word and I usually detest it. But it really fits the situation!”
Pamela turned her neck around to take another look at the
relief stations. “Right out on this busy avenue, I just can’t
believe that!” she mumbled.
Pamela eased back in the plush seat and smiled at
56 __________________Gloria Graham
“That smile, Chéri, what do you know that I don’t?”
“You really do enjoy your designer status don’t you!”
“Oui,” he answered bashfully.
“Women adore you, how on earth have you stayed
“I have been waiting for you Chéri!”
Pamela laughed and squeezed his hand.
“You do make me feel so special!” she sighed.
“Because you are!”
“Be serious now. Why haven’t you ever married?” She
paused, realizing her question was an invasion of Rex’s
privacy. “Please forgive me, I shouldn’t be so.. personal!”
Her embarrassment showed on her face!
“Again, Chéri, you blush!’ His eyes twinkled. “You
are my friend, remember? Friends share a secret part of
Pamela felt relieved.
He began to open up. “I fell in love only once, intense
and forbidden.” Lines across his brow gave away the hurt
he still carried inside.
“It was the wife of my best friend,” Rex paused, watch-
ing Pamela’s expression.
“Are you shocked?” he asked.
“Should I be? You must have had a good reason,” she
said quickly. “You are a compassionate, loving man. Should
I be?” she asked again.
The understanding between them had become so spe-
cial; she felt she could almost finish his story herself.
A Memory Unchained___________ 57
Rex beamed. “My friend ignored his wife. She turned
to me for company.” As he spoke, lines formed on his
forehead. “She needed a friend!”
“Did you fall in love?” Pamela concluded as if she al-
ready knew the answer.
“Head over heels!” he answered quickly. “She was lone-
some, needed someone to lean on. I was there.” Rex looked
far away. Pamela listened.
“Her husband didn’t want her, but he wouldn’t let her
“He must have loved her, why else would he try to make
her stay?” Pamela waited for Rex to respond.
“Oui. It was for the best. I can see that now. But
then…” he paused. “I convinced her of that.”
“And what now?”
“They moved to England. They have a sweet baby girl
now. I’m the Godfather.” Rex’s face beamed.
“We are both feeling our loss, my husband and your...”
“My forbidden love,” he said softly.
“Things do happen for the best. We just have to be
patient. God is such a wonderful planner.” She smiled.
“Oui.” Rex bowed slightly.
“Chéri, I’d like to do something very special for you,”
“You already have, every day!” She smiled.
“Come, let’s have some excitement!” He instructed his
chauffeur to drive to the airport.
A slick blue and white Lear Jet with bold letters spelling
out “REX DUPAR INT” on the side was being refueled.
“It’s yours?” Pamela was overwhelmed.
58 __________________Gloria Graham
“We’ll lunch in Monte Carlo, do some sightseeing and
be back by tea time! Let’s go!”
It was a world of the fairy princess, fancy cars, chauf-
feurs, private jets, and lunch on the Riviera.
Pamela took a deep breath. “Am I really alive?” she
She said a quiet prayer as the jet raced down the run-
way.The whirlwind tour of Monte Carlo was exciting. Rex
made sure she didn’t miss a thing.
When they returned to Paris, she laughed and hugged
“I can’t believe this day!” Her eyes were sparkling. Rex
held her hand.
“Chéri, you are so lovely, you enjoy life so.” He smiled
and kissed her hand.
“Now, what about tomorrow?”
“Haven’t we done it all?” she said breathlessly.
“Not so, Chéri, Don’t forget my dinner party tomor-
Pamela leaned across the seat and kissed him tenderly
on the cheek.
“I can hardly wait,” she paused. “You are so wonderful.
Today will be a very special memory for me, forever!” She
squeezed his arm.
“For me too,” he said and waved as his limousine pulled
back into traffic.
She walked nonchalantly to the pool area. Only a few
people were still there. Pamela pulled up a lounge chair
and positioned the back so that she could see the stars.
She felt warm and comfortable after being with Rex. She
closed her eyes.
A Memory Unchained___________ 59
Her thoughts rocked back to the night so much like
this one, that she and Jeff had their special time together,
As they had dined and danced, a special feeling began
to take shape.
“Let’s go somewhere special!” Jeff had whispered and
began helping her on with her coat.
“Where shall we go?” she smiled lovingly.
“There’s a small café up the coast, a very special place,
good music, a better dance floor, you’ll like it,” he added.
“Shall we go?” She nodded in agreement.
She slipped her hand into his as they walked to his
The drive along the coast was beautiful at night. Jeff
put the top down on his beautiful silver convertible so they
could view the stars.
Pamela loved the wind whipping through her hair.
“It’s like nowhere else in the world,” she whispered.
Jeff leaned closer.
“The ocean, you mean?” he asked.
“Yes, the sea, it has a magic all it’s own, so endless, so
steadfast, one of the God’s true masterpieces!”
He smiled. “A little serious aren’t we?” he joked.
“Yes, but it’s so special.” She sighed.
The winding road led off the highway to the café over-
looking the ocean.
It was just like Jeff had said, cozy, quiet and very ro-
mantic. Flickering candlelight lit the room that echoed
soft romantic music.
The Maître d’ seemed to know Jeff.
“Your table is ready, Mr. Desmond!”
60 __________________Gloria Graham
Jeff held her close as they danced. Then he whispered
in her ear, “I wish we could really get to know each other,
without all these people!” He kissed her softly on the neck.
His eyes were glowing. It was a look she had not seen for
a long time!
“My beach house is just up the road, in Back Bay Har-
bor,” she said softly.
“Sounds wonderful, let’s go,” he was quick to answer.
“It’s been closed up, for a long time,” she paused. “The
view from the patio is breathtaking,” she added.
Her voice trailed off as she said, “I’m just not sure I’m
ready to go!”
Jeff didn’t act like he heard the last comment. He was
busy gathering up the check and retrieving her coat.
When he returned to their table, Pamela had a distant
look on her face. He stopped and watched her.
“You alright?” His tone commanded her attention.
“Where were you? Somewhere besides here,” he
“I’m sorry, forgive me. This coastline holds a lot of
memories for me.”
“Your forgiven, let’s go,” he said, helping her into her
As they continued their drive along the coastline, Jeff
motioned for her to move closer to him.
She scooted next to him, thinking how she felt as she
did on her first date, so long ago!
“You’re smiling, why?” he asked.
“Just reminiscing about my girlhood!”
“Kinda funny how things all come around again, isn’t
A Memory Unchained___________ 61
it?” he smiled, putting his arm around her.
Pamela knew at that moment she had to do some
explaining about Back Bay. She hesitated, and then tried
“This place, my beach house, it’s very special to me,”
she paused again.
“I guessed that,” he said.
“But it’s full of memories, beautiful memories,” she
paused, hoping at that moment he would turn the car
around and head back to Boston.
“I’m not afraid of memories,” he said. “I have some but
they are in their proper place, ‘forgotten,’ where memories
“I’m sorry, I don’t agree. Mine are still very close. I
haven’t been back,” she hesitated, “since..” Her voice
“Don’t worry. You’ll relax and forget. Wait and see.”
His eyes sparkled.
Pamela suddenly felt uneasy. His answer was not exactly
what she wanted, but the look in his eyes seemed to show
She moved back into his arms.The warmth of his body
felt good and secure to her. She was meant to be one man’s
woman, to be needed and wanted. To share her love and
faith with one special man again.
Pamela was not ashamed of those feelings. God had
given them to her, hadn’t he?
He kissed her softly on the cheek. Pamela wanted this
relationship to be right. Did he understand? She won-
dered, trying to convince herself he did. She was relying
on her impatient feelings, instead of leaning on God to
62 __________________Gloria Graham
The Paris sky was full of stars, no wonder it reminded
her of Back Bay Harbor. Same moon, same stars, she re-
minded herself. Suddenly she wondered where Jill was this
night. She missed her so. She couldn’t keep her memories
tucked away; they spilled forth, Back Bay, Jeff, that night
at the beach house.
“Ahh,” Jeff had expelled as Pamela opened the sliding
glass door revealing a view of sparkling Back Bay Har-
Perched majestically on the hill across the small cove,
stood the Community Church. It’s white spire distinguish-
able for miles. She pointed. “My church,” She smiled.
“Yours? Oh,” he laughed, “you own the place?”
“Silly,” she admonished, and added, “I attend when
I’m in Back Bay.”
“Oh,” he said flatly with no other comment.
She had hoped he would make some kind of statement
about his faith. He didn’t.
“It’s just like a painting, a beautiful masterpiece.” He
leaned over the railing slightly, catching sprinkles of salt
on his lips from the breaking surf below.
“Do you really like it?” she whispered. He whirled
around, pulling her swiftly into his arms and kissed her.
“Do I like it? I love it like you do!” he smiled.
Jeff’s kiss had taken her by surprise. She caught her
breath and began a nervous outpour of words. Somehow
the situation, alone, together, made her uneasy.
“Look,” she pointed. “The crest of each wave looks like
it has a million tiny diamonds riding on top.” She sighed.
“It’s so beautiful.”
A Memory Unchained___________ 63
The moonlight cast its irredescent glow over the water
“Yes, beautiful,” he whispered, “like you.”
He pulled her close again and kissed her lovingly. She
didn’t resist. She wanted his kiss.
“We can leave anytime you say,” he assured her.
He held her close. The moment was real, yet, as if a
dream for Pamela. Her desire to love again surpassed her
His firm hands slid slowly, but softly, down her back,
resting in the very small indentation of her waist.
Her breath came faster. She was enjoying his touch.
Her skin tingled, like millions of tiny pins piercing gently
The moonlight caught his glistening blue eyes. He
pulled her closer into his strong, warm body.
A warning signal reeled through her body. Pamela
was torn between wanting to submit to Jeff and her con-
This was not the way she wanted to find romance again,
recklessly, without the commitment of true love she wanted
to share with the right man.
She stopped at the doorway.
Jeff’s arms were around her leading her to the bedroom
she and Tom had shared.
Her eyes filled with tears. She began to shake.
“I can’t,” she cried. “I thought I could, but I can’t.”
Jeff looked shocked. His smile had vanished.
He grabbed Pamela roughly, turning her to face him.
“Don’t pull that on me now!” he grumbled. “You’re a
big girl. Didn’t you suggest we come here?”
64 __________________Gloria Graham
She stood speechless. What had happened to the un-
derstanding he had shown earlier. He grabbed her. His
eyes flashed. He was angry. Pamela tried to pull away.
He pulled her viciously to his chest and kissed her on the
mouth. Pamela pushed him away from her.
She felt like someone had pierced her heart. She wanted
him to understand, to be the man she prayed he was.Tears
welled in her eyes.
“I don’t like playing games!” he said. And added, “I
should be used to it by now! You women are all alike!”
Jeff turned away from her.
How could she have been so mistaken about him? Pa-
mela watched as he walked slowly to the cottage door.
“I’ll take you back to the city,” he said curtly.
Pamela gathered her coat and as she started to shut off
the lights and close the door she gazed at the window and
the lights sparkling on Back Bay. She said a soft, silent
prayer. “God help me. I’m so vulnerable now.” The door
closed solidly behind her.
The silence between them was awkward. Pamela knew
she had disappointed him. She had hurt his pride.
He had disappointed her too. She had hoped their
relationship would grow.
Jeff pulled up in front of her apartment. She wondered
what he would say.
“Can I see you again?” He had been deep in thought
the entire drive back.
She was surprised.
“Do you want to?”
“I don’t understand it, but I do.”
“Maybe you just don’t like losing?” she asked.
A Memory Unchained___________ 65
“It’s something else. Can’t explain it, but I sincerely
want to see you again.”
“Of course, call me, we’ll try again.”
Jeff was watching as she walked to her door. She could
feel his eyes on her. When he smiled, all the pent up feel-
ings and emotions of the woman inside her stirred.
Pamela burst into tears the moment she shut the door.
Sobbing her disappointment to the Lord, she confessed she
had been too eager to have a relationship. It had backfired.
She felt silly, like a child again.Then a verse from the Bible
came slipping into her thoughts, “Unless you become a
a little child you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven.”
Pamela stopped crying. She was just a child again, in the
world alone. She thought of Jeff again. The verse kept
repeating in her mind.
He had seemed so quiet, so understanding. What had
happened? Had she given him the wrong idea? Was he re-
ally the playboy the gossip columnists portrayed him as?
Pamela remembered how frustrated and depressed she felt
that following day.
She opened her eyes to view the Paris sky again.
She thought of her beautiful day she had spent in Paris,
with Rex. She closed her eyes again. He brought only happy
feelings to her heart.
The pool area was deserted now, only the sound of
television sets in the distant hotel rooms broke the quiet.
She smiled. It sounded like a calliope – a whistling,
She held her forehead tightly. “Oh God, will I ever for-
get Tom? How long will it take, will I ever?” She thought
again. “Forgive my impatience Lord, but,” she listened to
66 __________________Gloria Graham
the calliope sound again.
Her mind reeled with memories of a very special time
The calliope on the merry-go-round. He had teased her
until she agreed to ride with all the children. She could see
him laughing as she made each bobbing circle. She had
gotten sick. She was going to have a child.
Tom had been overjoyed and that night had been very
special. His warm and tender kisses were loving and pas-
She belonged to Tom, completely, honestly faithfully.
They shared their love and their faith.
She had remembered lying in bed next to Tom that
night withTom and the echoes of the merry-go-round and
its mystic whistling organ sound replaying in her head. Her
dreams were strong, filled with brightly colored horses as
she came closer to reaching the brass ring.
When she snagged the ring, grasping it tightly between
her fingers, the brass ring was hers and so was Tom!
It was still quiet beside the pool. A quiet voice startled
Pamela, “Pardon Mademoiselle.” She jumped. She had a
moment of fear grasp her heart.
He said again, “Pardon.”
Pamela looked up to see the bell captain. She was sur-
prised to see the lights around the patio turned off. She
felt uneasy until the captain spoke again.
“You were asleep? Oui?”
Pamela felt warmth in his voice.
“Oui,” she said.
“It is not good for a pretty lady to be alone at night in
this part of the city.” He smiled.
Pamela immediately felt his concern for her. She smiled
and thanked him.
She turned to wave to him again as he watched her
enter the hotel lobby safely.
Pamela felt shaken. She realized if it
hadn’t been for the concern of the bell captain, she would
have been locked out of the hotel for the night. She called
Rex, her friend, for consolation. When she told him of the
incident by the pool, he was upset.
“I don’t like it Chéri, you must be in a safer place!
Perhaps Mr. Orland didn’t know about your hotel’s loca-
“The incident was my fault. I should have been more
careful,” she insisted. “Besides, nothing happened, thanks
to the Bell Captain.”
Rex sighed, “Get some rest now and I’ll pick you up
Pamela felt better after talking to Rex. She realized how
68 __________________Gloria Graham
lonesome she would be without his comforting voice. The
incident had disturbed her.
She couldn’t sleep so she pulled out her list of things she
wanted to do in Paris. Rex made sure she saw every inter-
esting spot in Paris. Tomorrow would be no exception.
Her prayers were filled with thank yous! Pamela found
herself confessing her frustration over Jeff.
Tears streamed down her face again. She wanted God’s
help! Now! Patience was not her virtue. She suddenly real-
ized she was saying the wrong words.
“If it be thy will,” she added almost apologetically.
The harder she tried to go to sleep, the wider-awake she
was. “Count sheep,” she advised herself. It didn’t work.
She was overcome with memories again. She began
It had been a lovely Friday night when his call came.
Jeff’s voice caused her heart to flutter. “Let’s go somewhere
tomorrow,” his soft voice insisted. Pamela thought instantly
about their last outing and hesitated.
“Please, I need company,” he begged.
She felt his need and finally agreed.
“Alright, where are we going?” she said sweetly.
“How about a picnic at the beach?”
“Sounds great. Shall I pack a lunch?” she asked.
“Perfect. I’ll be there early.” He sounded excited. Pa-
mela had wondered if he would ever call again, much less
in one short week.
She felt that same old excitement welling up inside
her. She found herself praying again, “God, help me! This
man has some kind of power over me. Help me! I can’t
A Memory Unchained___________ 69
The morning had gone beautifully. Jeff fished from the
shore and Pamela watched. She loved the salt air and the
crisp breeze off the crashing waves.
“Come on and fish,” he yelled again at Pamela.
“Not me, I hate fish!” she smiled breathing in the fresh
The afternoon slipped by quickly. After their picnic,
Jeff spread the blanket on the sand and lay back gazing
at the sky.
“Full?” she asked.
“Miserable,” he grunted. “You’re some picnic fixer!”
Pamela started cleaning up.
Jeff had been quiet for a time. His eyes followed
Pamela’s every movement.
“You’re staring at me,” she said quietly, feeling a little
“Can’t quite figure you out,” he said still watching
“I’m not that complicated.”
“Tell me about you. I mean the real you, not the always
elegant, beautiful fashion designer.”
“That’s a big order, sir!” she laughed. “I don’t always
tell those secrets!”
Jeff hesitated a moment then he pointed in the direction
of the church steeple poking out of the trees on the hill.
“Did he go there with you?” he asked.
“My husband you mean?”
Pamela sat down beside Jeff on the beach blanket.
“Always,” she answered.
“It’s a waste of time, religion, going to a church, all
70 __________________Gloria Graham
that!” he said abruptly.
Pamela caught her breath. She wanted to know his
feelings on religion but now she was sorry he spoke.
“Why do you say that?” she questioned, trying to gather
“Nobody ever did anything for me. I did it all myself.
Worked from the time I was thirteen. Nobody helped
me.” His jaw was set. His silvery gray eyes looked cool and
placid. A twinge of a frown crossed his brow.
“You can’t really mean that,” she said in disbelief.
“My parents deserted me. I ran away from the orphan-
age. Sound like an old movie script?” he said angrily.
“But where did your strength come from, your courage,
your abilities. Surely you believe in God?”
“God? Where was He when my parents left me?” His
voice echoed bitterness.
“Oh Jeff,” she said, not really knowing where to begin.
“The success you have enjoyed. God has had a great deal
to do with that!”
Jeff paused. He looked across the hill to the church.
Pamela was silent for a moment.
“It’s hard for me to understand how anyone can look at
the majestic ocean or the moon just dipping into the sea
and not believe that we have a God handling all things.
Even your parents leaving you. Perhaps that’s why you
have such strength?”
Jeff took a long look at the sunset.
“We aren’t getting anywhere, are we?” he said apolo-
“You wanted to know about me and instead I found
out about you,” she smiled.
A Memory Unchained___________ 71
“You are very special, perhaps too special for me,” he
“I’m me, just plain and simple. But God is pretty im-
portant in my life.” She smiled again.
Jeff didn’t answer. He stared at the sunset and the moon
slipping softly into the sea.
“And the man that went to that church with you was
special too.” He was speaking softly.
She didn’t need to speak, her eyes said it all. “Yes,” she
whispered. She quickly changed the subject.
“It never ceases to amaze me, the beauty of a sunset,”
Jeff spoke quickly, “Guess we’d better go. I hate to end
this beautiful day, but all good things must end.” His flip-
pant manner gave Pamela an idea.
“Oh no, not all good things!” she laughed. “How about
we take those fish to the beach house and I’ll fix dinner
for you, even if I do despise fish!”
“Let’s go,” he said as he grabbed the lunch basket and
They held hands as they walked along the beach to
the car. Pamela tried to hide her disappointment in his
ideas about religion but it was there in back of her mind
all the time.
The candles flickered on the table as they sat relaxing
after dinner, enjoying the view.
Jeff got up. He bent close and kissed her softly on the
“It’s been a wonderful day,” he said.
“For me too,” she pressed his hand.
“It’s late, should we start back?” he asked.
72 __________________Gloria Graham
She hesitated. “We could stay the night,” she stam-
mered. “But things haven’t changed, I mean, I won’t sleep
with you. But you could use the guest room and tomorrow
you could fish again!”
Pamela blushed. She wasn’t accustomed to making
propositions to a man. She felt so out of touch, so foolish.
Yet, that was the only way for her.
“I will honor that feeling,” he said. Pamela sighed.
Maybe she wasn’t wrong about Jeff? It was a beginning
In Paris her memories of Jeff made her even more
restless. She had just dropped off to sleep when a loud
banging made her sit up in bed. Her heart pounded. She
finally realized it was someone in the next room. She was
She couldn’t shut out the memories of Jeff and that
special night in Back Bay. Jeff had honored her wishes.
He slept in the guest room and she trembled restlessly in
She had been sleeping in her room contentedly when
a loud banging on the door woke her.
“Get up lazy bones. Breakfast is ready!” Pamela had
pulled the covers over her head.
The door opened and Jeff stuck his head in.
“Up, up, it’s time to eat! Bacon, eggs, toast, just for
you!” He smiled.
“Ugh. I don’t eat breakfast”! She mumbled from under
“Today you do. Get up!”
“Okay, Okay.” She stumbled out of bed. The smell of
bacon frying crept under the door and it didn’t take long
A Memory Unchained___________ 73
for her to get hungry!
“You’ll spoil me along with making me fat!”
“Naw, not one little breakfast. Besides, look at the view,
it’s forever!” She bundled up in her robe and headed for
the bathroom quickly so he wouldn’t see her in a mess!
She smiled as she entered the kitchen. He looked so cute
in her apron turning the bacon over in the frying pan.
“I got the fishing poles out and a bucket filled with
“What time did you get up anyway?”
“Early,” he said. His face had the glow of boyish charm
she couldn’t resist.
“I guess we’ll go fishing,” he smiled.
“I’ll watch,” she laughed.
She thought he looked like a little boy with a new toy
each time he pulled in his catch.
He pulled her into the water, teasing and playing as
if they were children again, each lost in the beauty of the
The sun felt warm on their bodies as they sunbathed.
He kissed her softly as they relaxed on the sand.
I don’t want this day to end,” he said.
“It’s been fun, hasn’t it,” she answered softly.
“Perfect,” he said.
“We need to start back soon, my work you know,” she
“If you worked for me you could just stay here forever!”
“I tried to work for you once, your personnel manager
let me know I wasn’t quite ‘Desmond’ material!”
“I’d like to get my hands on that personnel manager!”
74 __________________Gloria Graham
he grumbled. Pamela smiled in appreciation. He did know
all the right things to say!
With the Paris moon shining thru her window she
tried to go to sleep but the roses on the dresser from Jeff
reminded her, he was still trying to say the right things,
even now, in Paris!
She tried to push aside her thoughts of Jeff and that
special weekend but the memories kept swarming back
in her mind.
She remembered how quiet their drive back to Boston
had been. She had felt uneasy, realizing Jeff was deep in
his thoughts again. Had she scared him away with her
religious talk, she wondered as his silence deepened?Their
time together had been revealing, perhaps too much so
she thought. Pamela tried to start a conversation but Jeff
hadn’t made it easy.
When he kissed her goodbye he held on to her unusu-
ally tight. He started to say something but turned and left
Pamela stood watching him drive away. She could feel
something was wrong. She had a feeling she knew what
Pamela’s thoughts were a mixture of Jeff and Rex.
She had a warm, comfortable feeling when Rex came to
She closed her eyes and Jeff was there. Her usually stable
life, was now a mixed up mess she thought.
A soft Paris breeze slipped through the window. She
shivered as she remembered the Monday after she and Jeff
spent the weekend in Back Bay. The week that started her
restless, uncertain feelings.
A Memory Unchained___________ 75
It was a typical Monday in Boston! It had been impos-
sible for her to work. Nothing had gone right.
Every time the phone rang, she jumped, hoping it
would be Jeff. When she didn’t go out for lunch, her
secretary poked her head in the door and asked, “Are you
alright, Mrs. Thornton?”
Pamela had just nodded and continued shuffling the
papers on her desk.
Her nerves were on edge by the end of the day. The
phone had been ringing but no Jeff! By closing time she
was depressed and disappointed. He said he would call, she
thought.Tears rolled down her cheeks.Their time had been
just something to pass the day to him. Didn’t they share
something special and real? Pamela was heartbroken.
She cried until she had no more tears. Then every
thought she had of the weekend began to make her
“He’s just using me,” she finally told herself. “Believe
it you idiot! You’ve been had! He brought up your religion
for an out!”
She was mad at herself for letting her guard down, for
being taken in by this suave, handsome playboy.
Pamela buried her head in her arms and sobbed. She
had forsakenTom’s memory and for what? She felt she had
degraded his memory and replaced it now with feelings of
guilt! Tom still had a hold on her life.
All weekend she kept hoping for a call from Jeff. It never
came. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying.
The whole episode had hurt her deeply. His rejection
had been a tremendous blow to her ego. It was something
she was having a hard time dealing with.
76 __________________Gloria Graham
The week had gone slow with no word from Jeff. It
was Saturday again. Pamela still felt depressed when her
Guy Ashland, a coworker, greeted her with, “Hi baby.
How about going dancing tonight?”
She sighed. He was a pest! She had refused his offer to
go out at least once a week for the past year and he still
Pamela started to cut him off quickly when she had a
“Please!” he said in a tone that made her feel sorry for
“I guess I am in circulation again,” she thought.
Guy was handsome, fun loving and young! “Too young
really,” she addressed herself again.
He asked again, “Just dinner and a little dancing. I’ll
be a good boy, I promise,” he laughed.
Pamela finally agreed.
He would pick her up at 8:00 PM. She began to think
of what to wear. She reminded herself that she could put
Jeff Desmond out of her mind for a while at least!
Guy looked unusually handsome to her. Pamela won-
dered why. She remembered she had only seen him in his
gray uniform in Orland’s stockroom. He was very good
looking she thought.
The sign flashed, “BLUE TURTLE,” above the door-
way. It was one of the better restaurants in Boston. Guy
had reserved a special table in a very private area.
Pamela felt it was a little too secluded to suit her but
Guy could care less what it looked like.
She tired quickly of his off color jokes and advances.
A Memory Unchained___________ 77
When he finally suggested they dance, it was a welcome
Guy pulled her close as they danced. Pamela wondered
how long she could last!
As the Combo finished the number, Pamela caught
sight of a familiar face across the dance floor. It was Jeff.
Her heart skipped a beat. She tried not to stare. She didn’t
want Jeff to see her looking at him!
“What’s wrong baby?” Guy stopped Pamela on the
“Nothing,” she answered abruptly. She snuggled closer
into his arms when she realized Jeff had spotted her.
Guy was a show-off and he could dance. He could
make anyone look good on a dance floor and she wanted
Jeff to notice her.
There was only one problem; Guy instantly got the
wrong idea. He pulled Pamela closer during the slow
numbers and kissed her softly on the neck. He was mak-
ing suggestions she didn’t like in her ear when Jeff tapped
him on the shoulder.
“May I cut in?” he asked.
Guy looked surprised.
“Do you want to dance with this guy?” he asked.
Jeff stood waiting for Pamela’s answer.
“Sure,” Pamela agreed, “if you don’t mind.”
The Combo slipped into a slow love song as Jeff pulled
Pamela close to him.
They were silent for a while. Then Jeff broke the si-
“I’ve wanted to talk to you, I’ve been busy,” he said.
“I can see that,” she glanced quickly at the blonde sit-
78 __________________Gloria Graham
ting across the room.
She quickly added, “You don’t owe me any explana-
tions! I’ve been busy too.” She forced a nice, “I could care
“I’ve missed you,” he said.
“She looks a little lonesome over there,” Pamela added,
looking at the beautiful young blonde at his table.
“My secretary,” he said quickly.
“How convenient,” she said.
“I’m doing her a favor tonight.”
“That’s nice,” she said.
Pamela smiled but she felt very much in control of the
Guy politely interrupted and gathered Pamela close in
his arms again.
“Who’s that guy anyway?” he asked.
Pamela tried to explain Jeff off as an old friend but her
explanation was undermined with stolen glances at Jeff
across the room with his beautiful blonde girlfriend!
Pamela felt a jealousy taking hold of her, so much so
she was willing to put up with the boisterous advances of
The lights dimmed and the soft, slow music gave the
room a velvet glow. Pamela glanced quickly across the room
to see if Jeff was still watching her. He was. She snuggled
closer into Guy’s arms. She hoped Jeff would see her.
Her pride was hurt. She was not accustomed to those
feelings, she didn’t like them. She knew it was against
everything she had always prided herself against. “Pride
goeth before a fall,” she thought quickly.
Guy took advantage of her snuggle. He kissed her softly
A Memory Unchained___________ 79
on the earlobe; his breathing came in short, wispy breaths
on her neck.
Pamela finally realized what was happening! In trying to
make Jeff jealous, she had led Guy on. She felt ashamed.
She pushed him away quickly and headed for their
“What’s wrong baby? What did I do?”
Guy looked puzzled. Pamela felt guilty. She had led
him on for her own selfish purposes. Could God forgive
her? Would Guy?
“I’m sorry Guy, I haven’t been honest with you,” she
said humbly. She tried to explain her relationship with
Guy didn’t take it well. He began to drink too much
and as the evening progressed he became loud and ob-
Jeff hadn’t taken his eyes off her the entire evening.
When she and Guy left the club, she was devastated.
The evening had been a total disaster. When she thought
about it, she was sure she would never see Jeff again. Her
jealous feelings about Jeff and his blonde secretary made
her feel ashamed. She prayed again that God would help
her in her feelings for Jeff.
Even now, in Paris, Jeff was still on her mind. It wasn’t
easy to forget him. He had left his mark on her life that
couldn’t be erased easily.
Pamela walked slowly to the dresser, to the vase of wilt-
ing roses. She threw them into the trash.
She tried to detour her thoughts to the party Rex was
giving for her. “What should I wear?”
Finally, she decided on her black velvet evening
80 __________________Gloria Graham
She tossed restlessly in bed that night. Her dreams were
filled with a young blonde dancing to the calliope music
of a merry-go-round. The blonde held a brass ring tight
in her hands.
Pamela awoke crying! She sobbed her prayer again. “Oh
God, help me. I’m so disturbed, so distressed about Jeff,
so in need of your wisdom. What shall I do?” She begged
for an immediate answer. It didn’t come, then…
Rex had planned a special party for
her to introduce her to the society set of Paris. Pamela
was overwhelmed with delight when she opened the box
that Rex had delivered to her hotel room. It was the blue
chiffon dress, diamond studded, neatly packed inside with
a special note from Rex. It read, “You and my gown are
made to be together!” Please wear it tonight and show it
off! As she held the beautiful gown in front of her, it gave
her a chill! Pamela felt honored to be wearing his beautiful
blue chiffon gown.
She felt like Cinderella going to the ball. She had al-
ways enjoyed lovely clothes, nice places and fashionable
affairs, but this was the coupe de grace! She smiled as she
remembered how Rex had noticed her admiration of the
82 __________________Gloria Graham
The ride to the party in the elegant limousine made
her feel very special again. Rex had a way of doing that
She felt nervous as she walked into the room. The
party was being held at the most fashionable Ritz Hotel
with its magnificent stone arches. Its opulence is said to
have created the word “ritzy.” Hemingway once hoped
that heaven would be as good as the Ritz. Pamela smiled
thinking, “Now I know exactly what he meant.”
The ballroom was breathtaking, a winding staircase,
ornately hand carved, had orchids entwined along the
handrail. A magnificent crystal chandelier graced the center
of the lobby glistening brilliantly. Her eyes couldn’t take
in everything. The hum of people talking and laughing
in small groups around the room was different from the
noisy parties in New York.
Suddenly, the room became quiet. She felt embarrassed,
as all eyes seemed to be on her. Pamela swallowed hard and
felt her face flush! A familiar voice from the crowd relieved
her tension. Rex walked up and affectionately kissed her
on the cheek, took her by the hand and led her to the
center of the room. Thank goodness she sighed. He was
a welcome sight.
“Why is everyone staring at me?” she whispered!
“Because, my love, you are the most stunning woman
in the room, and because you are wearing my creation!”
“Now that’s an ego trip!” she teased. But the compli-
ment was just the right thing to say at that moment.
Pamela felt like her smile was glued on. Her lips were
A Memory Unchained___________ 83
dry, even swallowing seemed to be difficult! Everyone who
was anyone in Paris was there. Her limited knowledge of
French had to be traded for just a smile. She knew a smile
meant the same in any language.
Rex excused himself. “A little business, you know
Chéri.” She squeezed his hand in an all-knowing way.
Rex busied himself in the important business of per-
sonal relations. His special full-throated laugh could be
heard all over the room. Pamela watched him in awe. He
was so very special, so sincere and loving. Everyone loved
“Study their faces, remember them,” she told herself.
“Someday these people will remember me!”
Rex called her from across the room. He didn’t leave her
alone with anyone too long. For that she was grateful!
“Finally, Chéri,” he smiled, “I want you to meet my
friend, Grant Mondane!”
Pamela turned to face a very broad shouldered young
man. He had to be over six feet tall and his clear baby blue
eyes were hypnotizing. There was something about him
that seemed so familiar.
She sized him up quickly, along with the conclusion
he was about the age of her Jill!
Rex introduced them. Grant smiled faintly and then
quipped, “So, you are the fabulous American designer Rex
has been babbling about!” He sounded a little curt and as
the evening progressed his remarks became more on the
rude side. He didn’t like her and she knew it!
Everyone had excused themselves from the table with
the exception of Pamela and Grant. The silence between
them was obviously awkward. She shifted nervously in
84 __________________Gloria Graham
“Have I done something to displease you Mr. Mon-
dane?” she asked, deciding silence would never solve the
Grant was surprised at her question. He stammered,
finding it difficult to answer.
“No, not really!” he hesitated.
She knew he was uncomfortable so she tried to ease
“Rex has taken much too much time entertaining me.
I feel guilty that I have dominated so much of his time
this past week,” she began.
“No matter!” he answered, looking very embarrassed.
“It would be nice if we could be friends. Is that pos-
sible?” She smiled.
He returned her smile reluctantly.
“Why not,” he said, “forgive me. I expected you to be
Pamela looked a little puzzled. She wondered what he
expected. She started to ask him what he expected when
“How are you two getting on?”
Pamela spoke up, “Just fine,” she smiled. She knew Rex
wanted her to like Grant. She looked pleadingly at Grant,
hoping he would go along with her reply.
“Yes,” he said quickly, “Just fine.” He winked at Pamela.
She knew then they would become friends.
Rex talked with them for a short while, and then he
was off table-hopping again.
This time Grant was not bashful. His soft, low voice
captured her attention!
A Memory Unchained___________ 85
“I own a chain of department stores, ‘Mondane Royal.’
We are fortunate to be located close to the heart of the
city. Are you acquainted with my chain?”
“Of course. A very elegant store to be sure,” she an-
“Are you happy where you are?” He didn’t seem to
mind asking such a personal question so soon in the con-
“For now!” she said. No explanation followed.
“Orlands,” he paused, “the old brick building off Main
“That’s the one,” she smiled. “I can tell you have seen
“Yes,” he nodded. “It’s a long-established department
store for sure, a Boston monument! I was on speaking tour
last year and visited a few important places. I do remember
Orlands of Boston!” Their conversation had turned into a
question and answer session.
Pamela could feel his opinion of her changing. They
were actually laughing and joking about the crazy design
“I must say I do enjoy talking to another American.
My French is terrible and very overworked,” she said as
she stuffed her French dictionary in her purse.
“When Rex gives a party, he does it up right!” he
“He surely does,” she smiled. “Tell me, how did you
get to be a ‘displaced American’ as Rex calls you?”
“It’s a strange story,” he said.
“Oh,” she paused, “perhaps you’d rather not discuss it.”
She waited to see if he was going to elaborate.
86 __________________Gloria Graham
He didn’t hesitate. He seemed to want to talk about
“My mother came to Europe when I was a baby, mar-
ried my stepfather, Estaire Mondane, who had been in the
department store business for years.” He paused.
“And the Mondane chain was his?” she asked.
“Yes, they didn’t keep me around in those days. I was
in boarding schools all my life. They traveled a lot.” He
paused, “Besides, he wasn’t my father and he always let
me know it!” Grant’s voice trailed off. His face showed the
pain of his childhood.
“They were killed in a plane accident. I was nineteen,
in a private college and I was sole heir to the estate.”
“You mean you took over this empire at nineteen?”
“Yes,” he smiled looking a bit forlorn. “Never could
figure out why Mondane didn’t make sure I didn’t inherit
his stores. He never liked me in the least! He didn’t have
any children as far as I know anyway!”
She smiled. “You had a huge responsibility for such a
“It’s done well until this past year!” he sighed.
Pamela suddenly felt a new appreciation of this hand-
some young man.
“Well, there you have it! My life story!” He smiled.
“I admire you!” She smiled.
Grant looked into the misty green eyes of his new
“How does it feel to be Rex’s chosen one?” he said.
“What do you mean, his chosen one?” She looked
“Didn’t he tell you?” Grant looked like he had said
A Memory Unchained___________ 87
something he shouldn’t have. Pamela was still in a state
of confusion when Rex came hurriedly up to the two of
Pamela looked flushed.
“I must speak with you Chéri, now.” He pulled her
quickly from the crowded room onto the terrace. “I have
decided!” he said breathlessly. “You are to be my liason in
America, to acquaint the American women with my col-
lection! My representative!” He laid out his plans before
her, without giving her a chance to interrupt.
Tears welled up in her eyes. The corners of her mouth
twitched as she tried to hold back her emotions.
“I’m overjoyed,” she stammered, “to be taking such a
prize back to Orlands. It’s the chance of a lifetime for me!”
She threw her arms around Rex’s neck and hugged him.
Rex held her close for a moment, and then released her.
“Now, my chosen one, let’s get back to Grant. He knows
all about it.” Rex smiled.
Pamela suddenly knew what Grant meant by his remark
They walked back into the ballroom.The room seemed
much more crowded. The small dinner party had blos-
somed into a huge affair.
Rex led her to the orchestra platform.
“Where are we going?” she asked nervously.
“Now all my friends shall have a chance to meet
The room was silent as Rex held up his arms and pro-
ceeded to introduce her as “His Representative” of his new
fall design collection in America.
She blushed as the audience applauded!
88 __________________Gloria Graham
Grant made his way toward her. “Well, may I say again,
how does it feel to be the ‘chosen one’ of Rex Dupar?”
Pamela smiled. She was on top of the world. It seemed
unreal that everything should be going so right!
“I am a very lucky woman,” she answered wistfully.
Grant stayed close beside her the rest of the evening,
making sure everyone had a chance to meet her person-
Pamela thought how wrong she had been in her first
impression of him. She actually liked him! He was hand-
some, attentive, and much too young for her, she reminded
herself. She still couldn’t get over the familiar feeling she
had about him.
Grant wanted her to meet him the next day. After
much persistence, she finally agreed to have lunch with
him. When he started to leave the ballroom, he turned
back to blow her a kiss.
Pamela took a second look and for a brief moment
he reminded her of Jeff Desmond. As she waved she had
a glowing feeling. Was it because a younger man acted
interested in her or did he remind her of Jeff? She was
disturbed by the feelings stirring inside her.
The Paris sky was clear in the crisp air felt good as she
arrived back at her hotel. There was a knock on the door
and another dozen roses were delivered.
The note read simply, “I miss you, Jeff.”
Lying in bed that night, she wondered why she let
everyone and everything remind her of Jeff. Could she be
in love with Him?
She had a sharp sense of missing him terribly.
“It can’t be, I won’t let it. He’s not the kind of man I
A Memory Unchained___________ 89
should fall in love with,” she reminded herself. But the
memory of their time together at the beach house and his
tender kiss taunted her.
Pamela closed her eyes. She could smell the aroma
of his aftershave; she could hear his tender, gentle voice!
She shivered! Tears streamed down her face. “Stop it!” she
demanded of herself. “This is kid’s stuff! I’m too old to be
so foolish! Didn’t he kiss and run? You were taken once,
don’t be again!” she scolded.
Her dreams that night were distorted, filled with Jeff
and a slow chase through Paris in her blue chiffon gown,
with Grant Mondane holding her hand and Rex comfort-
ing her at the end of the chase.
The next day at lunch, Grant turned on all his charm.
He insisted on showing her his favorite places in Paris. He
planned their last stop to be at a small intimate café on the
banks of the River Seine. The soft glow of candlelight and
the strolling troubadour’s music made her feel especially
warm inside. Grant took advantage of the moment. He
leaned over the tiny table; his eyes sparkled in the flicker-
“I think I love you!” he said nonchalantly!
Pamela drew back, her smile faded. She pulled her hand
away from his. “Do you realize what you are saying? I’m
old enough to be your mother! I’m forty years old!”
“Who cares!” he blurted. “What are numbers any-
“You flatter me, Grant. But you are so young,” she
“You hesitate, you don’t sound so positive, my Pa-
90 __________________Gloria Graham
“Please, I do like you, you are very attractive, it could
be easy, if,” she paused, “I just can’t let this happen.”
“Someone back home?”
“Well, yes, sort of.”
“Sort of leaves a lot of room you know.” He stiffened
up. “This is fair warning. I don’t give up easily.” He kissed
her hand lovingly.
They walked in silence to her door. Grant spoke first.
“It was a wonderful day for me.”
“Me too, you’ve been so kind.”
Grant pulled Pamela into his arms, held her just a
breath away and whispered, “Whose kind?” as he pressed
his soft lips on hers.
His kiss was forceful! He left no doubt in her mind
that she had been kissed, passionately, by this young,
Pamela leaned against the closed door and sighed. She
touched her lips. His kiss lingered there. She closed her
eyes, “Oh Grant,” she said regretfully; “you are so young,
too young for me.” Sadness filled her heart.Tears welled up
in her eyes. She desperately wanted to find love again. He
reminded her of her youth, a time long past. Her thoughts
were of Tom. Tears streamed relentlessly down her face.
Time plays terrible tricks on us, she thought. “Why did
you leave me my Tom,” she cried aloud. “Why? Why? We
were so perfect! Why?” She cried. No man ever seemed to
be able to compete with his memory! He was always there
in every kiss, in every movement.
She buried her head in her hands and sobbed. She
whispered a silent prayer, “Help me, I’m so weak, so lonely,
help me, O God!”
Rex laughed as Pamela walked
carefully, but softly, into his office. She brushed her soft
petite hand over her forehead lightly as if it might ease
“Not feeling well this morning Chéri?”
Pamela nodded, and then decided that nodding was
not the most comfortable gesture to make.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“They warned me not to drink the water.” She placed
her full hand on her brow. “Feels so cool,” she half smiled!
Her usually vibrant smile was gone!
Rex helped her to one of the soft plush chairs in his
“Well, Chéri, this is the day,” he said softly.
92 __________________Gloria Graham
“I knew it had to come, it’s been like Cinderella at the
ball for me – now – back to reality!” She smiled faintly,
moving with the utmost caution.
Rex motioned for his secretary to bring Pamela some
cool bottled water, then suggested she take her place at
the huge oak desk. Pamela couldn’t help thinking that fun
time was over!
“Don’t look so depressed – not yet – Chéri.” Rex’s lilt-
ing voice made her feel better.
“It’s just that you don’t know my boss. I’m so afraid
..,” she paused.
“Now, now, think positive! Where is your faith, Chéri?”
Rex asked as he gathered his papers in front of him.
“Of course your Mr. Orland realizes the impact this
collection could have on the revenue for his store?” Rex
“I’ve tried to lay the foundation for such a venture.
He’s not an easy man to convince!” Pamela looked at Rex,
his smile was comforting. He had done so much for her
already, and now again, with his reminder of keeping a
She felt ashamed of herself. It wasn’t like her to give up
before she began!
Rex’s remark hit home. She straightened up and mo-
tioned to Rex to continue.
“Proceed Ms. Collins,” Rex motioned to his secre-
She began a quick rundown of the designs that would
be included in the Dupar collection.
Pamela listened intently, taking notes for her report.
She smiled as she remembered the gowns Rex showed her
A Memory Unchained___________ 93
in his salon.
Her heart pounded as Ms. Collins began an entourage
of five digit figures.
The final total didn’t surprise Pamela. She barely moved
when it was read.
“I expected a figure in that category,” she said. “After
all, your collection is number one in Paris! Mr. Orland will
surely appreciate that as I do!”
Rex smiled with pride.
Pamela was excited. She was sure that the figure was
within Mr. Orland’s budget!
“Kel Orland just can’t refuse that.” A new rush of con-
fidence overcame her. She felt that they would be able to
make the deal.
Pamela went over the specifics with Rex. “I can’t wait
to call!” She rose to her feet, reached across the desk and
kissed Rex on the cheek. “Wish me luck,” she said. “Would
you like to call Mr. Orland from here Chéri?” Rex offered
her his office and privacy.
Pamela thanked him, but expressed the need to consider
the time difference between Paris and the USA. Besides,
she wanted to be able to prepare her presentation for Mr.
Orland in a very professional manner.
When she finally reached Mr. Orland, she swallowed
hard when she heard his gruff voice. He sounded close, as
if he was in the next room!
“This is Pamela, Mr. Orland,” she waited for his rec-
“About time I heard from you! Have you forgotten why
you’re there?” His voice was curt!
“I’ve been working, Sir, and today I have exciting news
94 __________________Gloria Graham
to share. We have been chosen by Rex Dupar. He has made
me his …”
Kel Orland interrupted sharply. “I’ll bet he did! And
what about the new ideas I sent you for?”
Pamela gasped, paused for a moment, said a quick
prayer, then gained control of herself.
“One, two, three,” she whispered! His implications
didn’t set well at all. It was a low blow but she held her
“He made me his representative in America!” she con-
Pamela tried to explain how she and Rex had been
fortunate enough to form a beautiful friendship and how
he wanted her to be his representative in America.
“It’s the chance of a lifetime for me, and such a wonder-
ful opportunity for Orlands. Don’t you see? We will be the
first to offer a Rex Dupar original in America.”
Pamela waited anxiously. Orland’s silence penetrated
the long distance.
“Mr. Orland? Are you there?” she asked bewildered.
She added, “You haven’t heard the best yet, the price.”
There was still silence.
Pamela stated the price quickly and added it included
twenty-eight Dupar Originals.
Finally he broke the silence! His loud booming voice
caused her to push the telephone away from her ear.
“Way too much! Who does he think he is anyway? Are
they all diamond studded?” He yelled.
As Pamela held the receiver away from her ear she
prayed for control.
“He’s the most ‘in demand’ designer in Paris. He could
A Memory Unchained___________ 95
sell his designs to anyone.They are standing in line to make
him an offer and we have them, you and me!” Kel Orland
was not an easy man to convince. She tried her best to rea-
son with him. Her intense desire to show Rex’s collection
gave her more tenacity than she usually possessed.
Pamela was beginning to see the stubborn, insensitive
man Ken Orland really was.
“I sent you to Paris to gather new ideas – not to solicit
every kinky designer in Paris!” he shouted.
That did it. She decided she had to lay it on the line.
She didn’t wait, she only hoped he was still on the line.
“Rex Dupar is the greatest designer in Paris. He’s not
in the least bit kinky, and his designs are the nation’s
There was a long pause on the phone. Pamela waited.
Had she pressed him too far? She wondered as she waited
for his next remark.
“We’ll talk again tomorrow. You’re not rational now!”
His voice had mellowed.
“Tomorrow may be too late,” she said quickly and
added, “Nothing will change. We haven’t time to wait a
day or two. Mr. Dupar is very much in demand!”
Kel Orland couldn’t help hear her anxiety. He pro-
ceeded to cut the conversation short.
“We’ll talk again tomorrow Mrs. Thornton!” And the
receiver clicked in her ear.
Pamela felt the blood rushing to her face as she stared
at the receiver.
“How can he be so blind? So, so, .” she stammered,
shaking her head in disbelief. Tears welled up in her eyes.
She couldn’t hold back the disappointment she felt in-
96 __________________Gloria Graham
It was happening all over again. Just like all the times
before. Every time she had a chance to really prove herself
he had turned her down.
She couldn’t control her tears. She buried her head in
her arms and sobbed. Through her tears she mumbled a
prayer, “I’m only human Lord, what do I do now?” Her
tears flowed. Finally she dried her eyes. She knew she was
doing the right thing. Rex was opening doors for her. Or-
land was attempting to close them. “Oh ye of little faith,”
she heard the still small voice reminding her to be still and
listen to His answer.
Pamela knew she had to call Rex. How could she tell
him? What would she say?
She had to tell it like it was. That was her way.
She dialed Rex’s number twice and hung up before she
got the courage to talk to him.
“I need to talk to you,” she said, disappointment still
evident in her voice. Rex picked up on it right away.
“Not on the phone Chéri! I’ll pick you up in half an
hour. We’ll talk over dinner.”
Rex picked one of the most elegant restaurants in Paris
for their evening out. She adored the very old, elegant décor
of Paris. Every restaurant Rex had taken her to held a spe-
cial charm and flavor of its own.This one was no exception.
Pamela was extremely quiet. Rex broke her silence.
“Now Chéri, what is the matter?”
He placed his hand lovingly on hers. Through the soft
candlelight he could see a tear begin trickling from the
corner of her eye.
Rex moved his chair close to her and quietly whispered,
A Memory Unchained___________ 97
“A tear? Not my happy faced Chéri?” Pamela had to smile.
How tender and caring this beautiful man was. A stranger
only a few short days before, now her comforter and friend.
She squeezed his hand tightly.
“He did not like my price?” Rex seemed to know the
Pamela tried to wipe her eyes. Rex handed her his
“Not exactly. He didn’t even give me a chance. He
wouldn’t listen to me. He hung up on me!” She dried her
“This man – he is your boss?” Rex asked.
“How can I possibly work for a man who is a hypo-
crite?” she sniffed.
Rex raised his eyebrows. His usually wrinkle-free fore-
head had vexed lines across it. He didn’t answer, he waited
for Pamela to answer her own question.
“I wonder if he planned this farce all along to dis-
credit my abilities!”Tears began trickling down her cheeks
“This is silly!” she said as she fumbled in her purse for
“Now, now, don’t be so hard on yourself.” Rex caressed
“I’m being stupid, I know,” she muttered. “But I was
“All is not lost, Chéri,” Rex tried to console her.
“I’m so sorry, Rex. You have been more than kind and
helpful. I shouldn’t do this to you.” Pamela dried her eyes
again and straightened up.
“I was excited about your creations. It’s very frustrating
98 __________________Gloria Graham
to be so close to my dream.”
“Your career is very important to you, isn’t it Chéri? Is
there any chance this Orland will reconsider our offer?”
“I don’t know anything anymore,” she murmured. “I
had so hoped this trip was a sign of his trust and confidence
in me, now I just don’t know.”
“Come, Chéri, perk up. Perhaps things will look
brighter in the morning.”
Rex tried to suggest that perhaps Orland didn’t mean
to sound so abrupt. Pamela half-heartedly agreed.
As they dined, it was evident to Pamela that Rex was
deep in thought. He was quieter than usual. Pamela began
to worry that she had overstepped her bounds with Rex
and had overworked his kindness.
“Let’s stroll,” Rex said, grasping her arm gently.
Pamela had to smile.
“Stroll?” she laughed. “Is that the same as walk?”
“Oui,” he answered, “And where, but in Paris, can
you str--err,” he stopped, “walk’ along the banks of such
a beautiful river in the moonlight?”
Pamela shook her head in agreement and tossed her
black hair in the cool evening air, breathing in the fresh air
deeply. She held Rex’s arm tightly as they strolled together
along the banks of the Seine.
The river glistened with reflections of lights on the
water. She thought how much Paris looked like her Back
Bay at night. She had drifted off with thoughts of Back
Bay, when Rex stopped by a small bench facing the river.
“I’m sorry, Mon Ami, But I too have been deep in my
thoughts.” He looked serious. A look she had never seen
on his face before.
A Memory Unchained___________ 99
“I could tell,” she answered softly.
“Who needs him?” he asked.
“Who do you mean?” Pamela looked puzzled.
“Orland!” he answered abruptly. His eyes were flashing
as if he truly had a revelation!
“I have an idea – a good one!” He paused. “Do you
remember my friend, Grant Mondane?”
“Oh yes, quiet well! I remember he’s young and in
trouble – financially. What about him?”
“He’s a wizard in his trade! He knows everyone is Eu-
rope and he needs help, like you!”
“I understand that, but what has that to do with Or-
“Forget Orlands. You are my chosen one – my repre-
sentative – forget Mr. Orland. There is another way! You
are the one I want, not Orlands. There are any number
of department stores that would welcome my collection
– especially with someone as talented as my Pamela to
Pamela squealed. “Rex, you mean you still want -
“Of course! You are my ‘chosen one.’ I can trust you
to show my designs to their utmost!”
Pamela threw her arms around his neck, sobbing her
joy all over his shirt.
“Now, back to business,” he said quickly, wiping her
eyes. “Grant needs my collection too. He cannot afford
the price I must get, much to my sorrow. I long to help
my friend and perhaps if we all put our talents together
we could meet all our needs – in a style we could soon get
100 __________________Gloria Graham
Rex waited for Pamela’s response to his bombshell.
“But, what about your pay? Grant’s finances?” Pamela
didn’t quiet understand what Rex meant! She added, “Kel
Orland is out – he would never go for that!”
“Perhaps not, Chéri, but there will be someone who
will. We will think on it!”
Pamela hugged Rex again. “You are so special, my
friend.” She smiled and kissed his cheek. “How can I ever
tell you how special you are to me?” He pressed her hand
firmly in his – and squeezed.
“I know,” he said softly.
“The unspoken words are the most meaningful,” he
“Do you think we can do it?” she said hesitantly.
Rex stiffened up, clicked his heels and said, “An
American beauty! – a Paris designer and a young Euro-
pean department store management? How can we lose?”
He doubled over in laughter! Pamela joined him. It was a
funny combination for sure, but she couldn’t help wonder
- could they really put that kind of a merger together?
The following morning Rex left a message with Grant’s
secretary: “Meet us for dinner – 7:00 PM – Pierre’s. Signed
Pamela and Rex.”
Grant looked at the message with question but he
quickly made arrangements to meet them.
Rex’s maroon limousine pulled up at Pamela’s hotel
early. This time he was at her door in person.
“Will you come in?” she asked.
“For just a moment Chéri,” he smiled.
“Would you like something to drink? I have some very
A Memory Unchained___________ 101
“A small glass perhaps.”
Pamela poured the soda into a small glass.
“Sorry, my crystal isn’t the best!”
Rex smiled and looked around the room.
“Is this the best your boss could do for you?”
Pamela smiled. “It’s alright. I can manage.”
Rex’s face reddened. He walked to the phone, dialed
a number and waited. Pamela could only hear his side of
“Rex Dupar here,” he said. “I want a suite, fully stocked,
immediately. Pick up Mrs. Thornton’s baggage tonight.”
He quickly gave the hotel and room number. Then he
“What was that all about?” Pamela looked surprised.
“Let’s pack your things. You are moving from this
– place! You will see.” He started gathering her things.
When the maroon limousine picked them up, Pamela
was still in a state of amazement.
Rex smiled in his very special way at her. “On to the
business at hand,” he said.
Pamela sank back into the plush velvet seats of his
“I don’t believe you,” she whispered.
“Believe it, Chéri, believe it. Nothing is too good for
my American in Paris!”
At Pierre’s that evening, the maître d’ seated them in a
private booth lighted only by candlelight. Pamela caught
sight of the handsome young man swaggering toward
them! He reeked of elegance and his cloths were immacu-
late. His stride was solid, as if he were sure of himself! Her
heart couldn’t help beating fast as he came closer.
102 __________________Gloria Graham
She remembered his passionate kiss and his strong
arms around her. She had been so sure of her ideas about
a younger man and an older woman – until she met him.
He shook her very foundations, the morals she grew up
with. She felt unsure of her feelings now.
“He’s the age of my daughter,” she reminded herself,
“And soon to be a business partner.” Both situations needed
her utmost wisdom. She smiled at him as he came to their
“You’re just the man we want to see!” Rex pulled the
chair out quickly for Grant to sit down. “Pamela and I
have been discussing business, much to my distress – I’d
much rather be doing something special with her.” Rex
blew her a kiss. She smiled as he joked with her.
Grant smiled too. He knew his good friend, Rex, bet-
ter than anyone else. Rex enjoyed beautiful women, and
Pamela was just another of the many women who adored
him. Grant smiled at them in his thoughts.
“Business?” Grant quipped, “On a beautiful night like
They teased and joked until Pamela became restless!
Rex realized her feelings and stopped, looked directly at
Grant, and proposed their new business idea. Then he sat
back in his chair and watched Grant’s expression!
“Are you kidding me! Cause if you are, I’m going to
forget we’re friends and sock you in the nose!”
“Not kidding!” he said bluntly! Grant glanced quickly
“Are you ready for this?” he questioned her.
“Are you?” she answered quickly.
Grant cocked his head and said, “The way I see it, all
we need is a lot of money, a lot of luck, and millions of
Rex Dupar’s designs!”
Pamela burst into laughter. Rex smiled and shook his
“We can’t fail!” Grant smiled.
Pamela made the decision. It hadn’t been
an easy one. She had argued with herself, felt sorry for
herself, then finally said her prayer for guidance.
The wire to Kel Orland read:
PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. EFFEC-
TIVE IMMEDIATELY.WILL REPAY FOR PARISTRIP.
She re-read the wire. Her thoughts were still churning
with happiness over Rex’s suggestion to work together. She
suddenly felt the responsibility of being his agent. It was
a feeling Pamela enjoyed.
Kel Orland left her no alternative. She wanted to be
104 __________________Gloria Graham
fair – to share her good fortune with him but his attitude
had ended that feeling.
Pamela sent the wire.
“That says it all!” she thought. She planned to repay
Kel Orland for her trip or she would never feel right. It
was the trip of a lifetime and she would always be grateful
to Orlands for that!
“Why pay them back?” Jill had questioned her mother
on the phone.
“There will be no question of integrity. I’ll just feel
better,” she insisted.
“That’s just like you, Mom,” she said, not surprised at
her mother’s reasons.
“When are you coming home anyway?” Jill asked.
“Soon darling, soon.” Pamela knew Jill missed her as
much as she missed Jill.
The weeks had passed rapidly for Pamela, but now it
was time to go home!
She realized the new business venture would take some
doing to put together, she needed to go home and take
care of her personal life. She missed Jill more than she
wanted to admit!
It would be expensive flying home and then back again,
but that’s the way it had to be. She would talk it over with
Rex at lunch tomorrow, she thought.
Deciding to go home was a load off her mind. She felt
good about it! She took a little longer in her nightly beauty
ritual! The moisture cream seemed to soak in quickly in
Paris, “Funny,” she thought, “never even gave a wrinkle a
thought until I turned forty!” Pamela rubbed harder, mas-
saging her few wrinkles seemed more important.
A Memory Unchained___________ 105
“Not bad enough I can’t see past my nose – now
wrinkles!” she muttered as she patted her neck with a firm
She had finished all the messy treatments when the
phone ring startled her. Three short brassy rings made the
call seem so urgent!
The operator said something very French that ended
with, “Mrs. Thornton?” That part she recognized.
“Oui,” Pamela answered. She had learned a few French
words but sentences, no!
“Pamela,” the voice on the other end sounded so far
away! “I can hardly hear you, bad connection,” he said.
Just then the operator interrupted, spoke a little French,
and within seconds the man’s voice came back clearer.
Pamela’s heart pounded. It was Jeff!
“Jeff?” she questioned.
“You bet.” His voice gave her butterflies in her stom-
“How’s Paris my love?”
“Wonderful, just wonderful!” She felt she was scream-
ing in the receiver.
“Why am I screaming? Can you hear me alright?”
“Like you were here next to me! So how’s New York
“Still here, missing you!” Jeff sounded sincere.
“Oh really,” she paused; her voice a little sarcastic. She
didn’t add any other comment, just waited for his next
“Did you get my roses?” He asked.
“They were beautiful. It was kind of you. Thank you!
I’ve fallen in love with Paris!” she added.
106 __________________Gloria Graham
The phone cracked again.
“In love with who?” He sounded distressed. Now he
was doing the screaming.
“Paris, silly, Paris.” Pamela answered almost yelling.
“I was afraid of that – you know New York needs you!
I need you too!” His voice was distant again, or quieter,
she didn’t know which one it was.
Pamela chose to ignore his last remark. She was dis-
turbed that he would assume everything was alright, like
nothing had happened between them.
“We’d better wait and talk at home. I’m leaving Paris
next Friday night. For a while anyway. Things are pretty
upset…” She paused.
“Upset, how?” his voice was visibly distraught!
Pamela told him briefly about Kel Orland and how he
refused to even discuss her proposals.
“The guy’s a lunk-head, letting a deal like that slip by!
This Rex fellow, how well do you know him?” His concern
seemed a little out of line!
“Well enough,” she snapped.
“Oh.” Jeff’s voice trailed off.
“Please, don’t mix me up anymore. I don’t know what
I’m going to do yet. As for Rex, he’s a wonderful friend.”
She realized Jeff was putting her on the defensive and she
didn’t have to be!
“Let me call you tomorrow, don’t do anything in too
big a hurry! You sure did the right thing leaving that jerk
Orland!” Jeff sounded very supportive.
She silently told herself. “I’m not a child you know
– and I do represent Rex’s collection and that’s quite a
A Memory Unchained___________ 107
She heard Jeff muttering something like, “I should be
there with you – next time.”
She wondered if she heard right. The phone began
making static again. She heard him say goodbye in the
distance. “Had he really said that?” Her heart pounded..
She closed her eyes. She could visualize his smile only half
visible under his full moustache. His eyes were so blue she
felt compelled to stare at them. She did miss him – and
it’s strange, she thought, he never mentioned standing her
up for his cute little blonde friend. He did know the right
things not to say!
A wave of disappointment swept over her again!
“Why should I care anyway?”” But her heart said she
did care. She wanted to share her love with him. She felt
guilty about sounding so abrupt .
He had sounded so sweet on the phone. So concerned
about her. Why had he called anyway? She wondered. She
laid her head between her hands, “Oh God, what am I to
do?” She wished she could be in his arms listening to his
wonderful voice in person. Now she felt the tug-of-war
going on in her heart! How could she think such thoughts!
Why wasn’t she rememberingTom’s arms around her? She
felt more pangs of guilt! A memory came pounding back,
a loving moment like so many, when she promised Tom
she would never love anyone else, ever!
It had been one of those many special times for both
of them. It brought tears to her eyes.
Pamela fell asleep with a heavy heart. A heart aching
for love! A fulfilling kind of love that she knew she could
never have with Jeff.
Grant Mondane left word at the hotel desk that he
108 __________________Gloria Graham
would call the following morning. When the phone rang,
she was still in bed.
“Are you up?” he asked, his voice much friendlier than
“Grant?” she yawned.
“Have breakfast with me, at La Boheme. I’m in a
fantastic mood and I want to make up to you for my bad
manners. Please don’t say no!”
He was very persuasive. Pamela didn’t have the heart
to turn him down!
She arrived at the restaurant only fifteen minutes late.
Grant had reserved a small table in the corner.
“This is a beautiful spot – just like I dreamed breakfast
in Paris would be!” She smiled as Grant pulled out her
His manners were as polished as he looked. Every hair
was in its place, his jacket impeccably clean and pressed.
Yet, he had an underlying mystery about him that made
After they ordered, Grant could wait no longer--!!
“Well, what do you think about Rex’s suggestion that
we try and merge our talents?”
Pamela had spent a lot of time thinking things over.
“There are a lot of things I need to know about you. Rex
explained a little about your chain, and the financial prob-
lems you are facing. But I want to hear it from you. What
can you give to this merger?” She took a deep breath.
Grant opened up. “I’m one of the best business men
around and I know it,” he smiled. “The profits don’t show
it this year, but I’ve had my hands tied by some cantanker-
ous stockholders!” Pamela listened intently.
A Memory Unchained___________ 109
“I never had a childhood worth talking about,” he said.
“My mother felt it was more important to travel all over
the world with Mondane.” Grant’s cheerful, carefree look
“I take it you didn’t care for your stepfather,” Pamela
“You got it. He took my mother from me – left me to
grow up in a boarding school. Don’t get me wrong, my
mother was good to me financially. But it wasn’t the same.”
He paused – his eyes were moist. She could feel the hurt
in his heart.
“I grew up without the love of a mother or a father
– that simple.”
“But you inherited an empire!” She tried to encourage
him to talk more.
Grant continued, he was deep in his recollection of his
“While the other guys were off fishing and hiking with
their fathers, I was studying or reading. The boarding
school was OK—but not like having your own parents.”
Pamela sighed, she prayed she would say the right
“What about college? Didn’t that help?” She asked.
“Sure, I sowed a lot of wild oats, got a chance to go
to America on a spelling tour once, then I stepped into
Mondanes department store chain running. It didn’t give
me much time to enjoy growing up.”
“I guess not, if you were just nineteen.” She smiled.
“It wasn’t easy at first. Then I realized my future was at
stake, so I took hold and made it work for me.” He still
looked very serious.
110 __________________Gloria Graham
“I’d say you did alright!” She smiled.
“Yeh, but I missed all the fun times – dating, soccer
games – the good times!”
He looked like a sad little boy at that moment.
“Have you been in love?” Pamela asked trying to keep
the conversation on the lighter plane.
“Once – she was young – not ready for a meaningful
relationship!” He didn’t seem to want to elaborate so Pa-
mela dropped the subject.
Grant pondered for a while. His hands were shaking.
He continued his story…
“When news came of the plane crash – my mother and
stepfather were dead – I didn’t feel anything. I wondered
why I couldn’t cry, or feel bad. It took a few sessions on the
old couch before I realized I hadn’t lost anything. You can’t
loose what you never had!” Grant seemed to pull himself
together with that statement.
Pamela took that as a sign to get onto another sub-
She began telling him how much she was intrigued
with Paris, the beautiful old buildings and the work of
She felt Grant’s eyes watching her intently. She had an
uncomfortable feeling. Pamela paused several times to gaze
into his meaningful beautiful blue eyes. The intensity of
his stare, the cute way his mouth curved when he laughed
reminded her of Jeff and his undeniable charm.
“Tell me, what are you doing about your financial
condition now?” She tried to make conversation. His stare
was discomforting. Pamela listened.
“I bought the stockholders out last fall. We’re on the
A Memory Unchained___________ 111
upswing now, but a year like that takes something really
great, like Rex’s collection, to pull it out completely.”
“And money!” she added. “As I see it then,” she began,
“Rex has given me the honor of supervising his collection
and you a place in Europe to market it. Now what we need
is a silent partner in America with money! Right?”
“It’s the greatest opportunity of my life,” he said. “If
we can swing it.”
She could see the glow in his eyes. He looked like a
little boy with his first new bike. It was a charming qual-
ity. Pamela caught herself staring at him as he talked. He
reminded her of Jeff in so many ways, only younger, much
She watched him spread his notebook all over the table
and begin making notes as they talked.
“By the way I love your smile, in fact I love everything
about you. Is that OK?” he said bluntly!
Pamela nodded “Yes!” She smiled, shaking her head in
disbelief! Grant flashed a very sensuous smile at her.
“With someone who has such energy along with Rex’s
magnificent design collection, Mondanes could be out of
the red in no time! We need someone who can see what
possibilities we really have,” she said thoughtfully.
Pamela sat quietly for a moment.
“Why so quiet?” He interrupted her moment.
Pamela was beaming. She smiled and then, as if a light
had been turned on, she couldn’t hide her excitement.
“Go call Rex,” she ordered. “Get him down here. I have
an idea that just might work!”
Grant looked at her for a long moment, then decided
she was serious and headed toward the telephone booth!
Pamela hated goodbyes! Rex had made
sure she was loaded with packages. He sent Jill every new
perfume Paris had to offer!
Rex hated goodbyes too.
“It won’t be for long Chéri, we shall be together again, in
your beautiful country!” he laughed. His eyes sparkled.
“I hope it works!” she whispered.
“I shall miss you,” Rex’s voice cracked.
Pamela turned to face him. “I’ll miss you too!” Their
eyes locked for a brief moment.
Then Rex pulled her close and kissed her on the mouth.
He had never done that before. His kisses had been sweet
gestures on the cheek or hand holding through the streets
114 __________________Gloria Graham
of Paris, but this was different!
“I’m sorry, Mon Ami, I forgot myself, I wish...” he
She waited for him to continue.
“Forgive me,” he apologized. “Consider it my goodbye
kiss, for a time.”
Pamela was speechless! She took another long look
at him. A different kind of look. Had he always been so
handsome? Did he always smell this good? Pamela felt
that funny twinge in her stomach again. Had something
happened these past three weeks and she didn’t even know
it? It had been the most thrilling time of her life and Rex
was a big part of that feeling!
Beads of perspiration dotted her forehead as she
watched Rex seemingly in a terrible hurry. She knew their
kiss had disturbed him greatly!
“No sad goodbyes,” he said quickly. “Grant will be here
very shortly to see you off Chéri. God be with you!” he said
and he disappeared through the revolving glass doorway
that led to the street.
Pamela watched him, bewildered by her own disturbed
emotions. She wondered why she felt lonesome for him
already. As precisely the same time that Rex left, Grant
entered the doorway.
“What was his hurry?” Grant questioned. “He didn’t
Pamela tried to explain as best she could! “He doesn’t
like goodbyes he said”
“Nor do I” he paused, “and we can’t say them, not
“Why not?” Pamela looked bewildered!
A Memory Unchained___________ 115
“There’s some kind of trouble with the flight, not too
serious I understand.”
“What now?” Pamela shifted from one foot to the other
“A five hour delay,” he responded.
“You’re kidding!That sounds serious to me!” She looked
“Nope, just takes time!” he said.
“You might know it would happen to me! I’m so anx-
ious to get home, to see my daughter.” She sighed.
“Your daughter?” he said in shock. “You – have a baby?”
A look of surprise crossed Grants face.
Pamela laughed. The situation didn’t call for laughter,
but his remark was the icing on the cake!
“My baby, is about your age, I’m sorry to say.” She
“That’s not possible,” he responded. “You’re my age!”
“She’s twenty-one, and a beauty. The love of my life!”
She watched Grant’s expression intently.
Grant stammered, his jaw set and his eyes flashing.
“I’m thirty you know!” He growled.
“Just a baby,” Pamela smiled.
“Not too young!” His tone had changed to one of ir-
ritation.The look in his eyes gave Pamela an uneasy feeling
“Five hours is a long time to spend in this airport,”
he said. “Let’s go to my apartment. It’s close by and we
can wait out the repairs!” He added, “I’ll leave my phone
number and they can call if there are any changes.”
Pamela couldn’t say no, even if she did feel uneasy. She
116 __________________Gloria Graham
would never want to hurt Grant’s feelings.
“Run for it,” Grant instructed as the taxis pulled up
to the curb. The weather had closed in and it was raining
“I can’t believe how quickly this storm came up.” She
dashed for the taxi. Grant laughed as he ducked in beside
“They pass just as quickly!” he brushed his coat off.
“You’re freezing and wet!” he said. “Cuddle up and I’ll
get you warm.”
She didn’t resist. His coat and strong arms around her
felt warm and comfortable.
Pamela’s teeth were still chattering as Grant built a fire
in his fireplace.
“I love your apartment. It’s so, so modern!” she smiled.
The real word was “Funky,” but somehow she couldn’t
bring herself to say it.
“Can I pour you some wine?” he offered.
“None, thank you. I’m flying you know!”
“Do you mind if I have some?” Pamela nodded no.
They sat warming by the fire. Grant had too much
“You look beautiful in the firelight,” he said softly.
She shifted in the chair nervously.
“Thank you,” she answered softly.
“I think I love you!” he said.
“Please, Grant, don’t,” she interrupted. Her voice de-
noted a pleading tone.
“Come here!” he demanded, then smiled coyly as if he
didn’t believe his own forcefulness! The wine had made
A Memory Unchained___________ 117
him lose his sense of reality.
She decided it was best to pamper him. After all, she
thought, I do love him, in a very special way! She sat down
on the couch beside him hoping she could make him un-
derstand the love she felt for him.
Grant roughly pulled her into his arms, his handsome
face inches from hers.
“I love you, don’t you understand?” he murmured softly
in her ear.
“But – you don’t understand,” she stammered, pushing
him back at arms length.
He pulled her close again and tried to kiss her full on
the mouth again. She stopped his advance.
Pamela knew she had to – but at that moment she
wondered if she wanted to. Her heart pounded.
She regained her calm and pleaded with him. “Please,”
she said. “Please stop now before you ruin things for us !”
Her emboldened voice made him stop immediately.
“Why – ruin – how?” His eyes were pleading for her
answer. He looked like a little boy who was caught with a
frog in his pocket!
She knew this was her only chance. She had to make
him understand her feelings! It could mean the end of
everything if she damaged their relationship. How could
she let him down easy and not hurt his pride, yet, tell the
She stammered … “It’s me, not you!” she answered
with a pleading tone in her voice again.
Grant poured another glass of wine. His eyes looked
heavy and glassy.
“You shouldn’t drink anymore wine,” she advised.
118 __________________Gloria Graham
Pamela knew he was close to the point of passing out.
She sat next to him trying to explain her rejection of his
advances. “I can’t love anyone else, not yet. I’m not free.”
Tears welled up in her eyes.
Grant held her close. Tears rolled down his cheeks.
The alcohol had taken its toll on him. “Not free – from
“Will you love me when you can?” he pleaded. Pamela
knew she had to tell him the truth. But would he remember
She had to tell him that her upbringing wouldn’t let
her fall in love with a younger man – a man who could
be her son.
Grant whispered “Why?” and then closed his eyes.
Pamela sighed pitifully as she watched Grant sawing logs
on the couch beside her, completely oblivious to the world
and her explanation! She knew how sorry he would be
She slipped quietly out of the room and hailed a taxi
to take her to the airport! She hoped he stayed “put” until
he slept off the wine.
She wondered how much Grant would remember of
this evening in the morning. Sadness filled her heart.
Pamela arrived on time at Logan International Airport
in Boston. It had been a long, tiring flight and she felt a
Pamela ran when she caught sight of Jill waiting behind
the gate. Jill threw her arms around her mother and they
began to cry.
“Look at us! Our makeup is a mess!” Pamela hugged
A Memory Unchained___________ 119
Jill again and again.
“You really look tired, Mom!” Jill grabbed her mother’s
heavy carryon luggage from her.
Jill waited to begin her questions until they got com-
fortable in the car.
“Now, what about the Frenchman?” she smiled. “Is he
cute? And who’s this Grant anyway?”
“Wait a minute darling.” Pamela squeezed Jill’s arm.
“I’ll tell all, but not that fast. We have the whole weekend
together.” Then she added, “Nosey!” swatting Jill gently
on the arm!
Jill hugged her mom again as they walked arm in arm
to their car.
The weekend passed much too quickly but Jill finally
pumped her mother until she got answers to her ques-
Jill listened to her mother try and explain her feelings
for both the men. First Rex, then Grant.
“Sounds to me like you have three men crazy about
you!” Jill smiled smugly. “How about Jeff?” she added.
“I feel so frustrated. I just don’t know how I feel any-
more. Except I do love Rex in a very special way.”
“He’s much too young. He’s your age.”
“So what – haven’t you heard about younger men
and older women?” Jill loved to tease her mom.
“Jill!” her mother scolded. “You know better than that!”
“Yes, but he sounds wonderful,” Jill sighed.
“What on earth makes this collection of Rex Dupar’s so
special?” Jill asked with a serious expression on her face.
“I suppose it’s really because his creations are so beau-
120 __________________Gloria Graham
tifully simple, anyone can wear them; from the elegant
Boston socialite to the New York salesgirl!”
“I can’t wait to see his originals!” Jill interrupted.
“His research is matched by none other in the industry.
He knows what women want to look like and he gives
them just that look!”
Jill laughed! “Wow – what an explanation! You sound
captivated by this Rex Dupar!”
Pamela smiled, “He was wonderful to me, I saw Paris
through his eyes! Very special eyes I might add!”
Jill shook her head and grinned like she knew some-
thing her mother didn’t know.
Pamela always hated it when Jill had to go back to
school, but this time it was easier – she would be back in
two weeks for a whole week’s vacation. Pamela knew if she
said one more “be careful!” Jill would resent it.
It wasn’t easy for Pamela to keep her mouth shut, except
when Jill’s welfare was at stake. Pamela remembered vividly
Jill’s heartbreak over Phillip Wesley. Phillip had seemed to
adore Jill.They were constant companions. She had teased
her on one occasion, “You can’t even use the bathroom
without suggesting he stay put!”
Jill had smiled But she knew it was the truth, he always
followed her with only inches between them.
“He’s smothering you! Can you breathe?” Pamela had
finally asked in a sarcastic way.
“I love him and that’s the way it is.” Jill looked squarely
at her mother.
It was the one and only time there had been a wedge
in their relationship.
Jill had stayed away for a time. It was her first year in
A Memory Unchained___________ 121
college, away from home and mother’s watchful eye.
Pamela felt the hurt of losing – again. It never occurred
to her that Jill was feeling the terrible hurt of losing her
dad, reaching out to fill that empty spot with Phillip.
Pamela remembered how she tried to convince herself
that he would be a good mate for Jill.
His deep brown eyes were magnetic. They seemed
matched to his thick waving auburn hair that never looked
mussed or out of place. He was handsome, polite, from a
wealthy family and studying to be a physician. What more
could a mother want for her offspring?
Pamela remembered doubting that Jill loved Phillip.
He was Jill’s shadow and her escort, but it was obvious
she was not in love. When Jill called in tears to tell her
mother it was over between she and Phillip, Jill sounded
devastated. When she arrived home, Pamela gave her the
gentle love and encouragement she needed to overcome
her disappointed love affair.
Pamela smiled again! Jill had grown up so fast, too fast.
It worried her that she never kept another boyfriend for
any length of time. First one, then another. Phillip had
disillusioned her. Pamela wanted her to experience the
kind of love she and her father had experienced.
Jill would never be serious when Pamela asked who
she was dating. “Oh, no one special,” she would answer
Pamela stood for a long while watching Jill’s plane
disappear from sight. For a moment she felt alone, and it
was a feeling she had to deal with every time Jill left. Then
she began making plans for Jill’s return.
“Only two weeks,” she whispered. Pamela smiled.
“Thank you Lord for her,” she whispered her silent
The Boston sky was a yellow gold and a view
of the city faced Kel Orland as he sat with his chair facing
the window. He never moved as Pamela entered the office.
The time had come for her to face him and explain her
actions in Paris. She felt she owed him a personal explana-
tion. Her letter of resignation was just a cold formality.
She waited silent for a moment hoping Mr. Orland would
turn around. Then her patience grew thin!
“Mr. Orland, may I speak to you?” she blurted out.
“And what more do you have to say Mrs. Thornton?”
He kept his back to her. “Didn’t you say it all in your
cable?” He was deliberately being rude.
“Could you do me the courtesy of turning around sir?”
she asked firmly.
124 __________________Gloria Graham
Kel Orland whirled his chair around abruptly.
“We received your resignation and I have all your papers
in order Mrs. Thornton. I assume you have your belong-
ings out of our office by now?”
“Yes,” Pamela stammered, shocked at his attitude about
the whole situation. Pamela tensed up.
“You may reimburse this company for your plane
ticket.” He turned his chair toward the window again.
“Goodbye Mrs. Thornton,” he said coolly.
Pamela felt humiliated. She was crushed. He hadn’t let
her explain a thing! He acted like he was letting a stock
Pamela headed for the door like a whipped puppy. She
paused for a short moment. Then it hit her! What am I
doing? Should I keep silent and turn the other cheek? She
looked at the door ahead. She could really tell him off
or just leave without a word. Her Christian attitude was
being challenged. She turned around again to look into
the face of Kel Orland who had turned to watch her leave
She shrugged her shoulders. Her vibrant smile was
gone, replaced with a look of determination. She tossed
her head back, in complete control of herself. She smiled at
Kel Orland and said softly, “Thank you for everything. I’m
sorry things have not worked out for us, but I do appreciate
all you have done for me. Please do have a nice day!”
She turned and walked quietly to the door. She glanced
back to see Mr. Orland in a state of shock.
It hadn’t been easy for her, but then no one said doing
the right thing was the easy way! She muttered a phrase
as she walked out the door, “Onward and upward! One
A Memory Unchained___________ 125
down, one to go!” She thought about Jeff Desmond, her
‘one to go’ project!
A smile rippled across her lips as she said his name.
Jeff had been her first idea for a silent backer. Now she
was going to see him about that idea. Her heart pounded.
She was anxious to see him and for more than business
Approaching Jeff about the silent backer idea was a
long shot. He was a successful businessman already. He
had plenty to take care of without a project like this. She
swallowed hard as she dialed the phone. “Won’t know till
I ask,” she rationalized.
When she heard his voice on the other end of the
line, she had that familiar queasy feeling in the pit of her
“Pamela,” he exclaimed, “when did you get home?”
Anxiety reeked in his voice.
“Yesterday, but my time has really been messed up.”
“When can I see you?”
“How about lunch today,” she said. He agreed im-
Pamela felt pangs of pride sweep in as she waited for
his next words. She hated calling him.
“Great, I’ll pick you up at the office.” His voice filled
“No,” she said quietly. “I’ll be out that way, I’ll meet
They agreed on a restaurant and Pamela left him with
her greeting, “See you soon.”
She could tell by the anxiety in his voice he thought
this was to be a romantic encounter. Their meeting was
126 __________________Gloria Graham
not going to be an easy one for her. She still remembered
how he dumped her for the beautiful blonde. Even the
gossip columns were full of predictions about Jeff and his
Jealousy gripped Pamela as she thought about Mr.
Playboy. He was probably between dates so he accepted a
lunch proposal! She didn’t like the way she felt.
She quickly pushed aside the churning in her stomach.
She really just didn’t care she told herself. This is business,
Pamela arrived at the restaurant before Jeff. She could
see Jeff enter the restaurant from across the room. Every
woman turned to take a look as he passed their chair. Pa-
mela felt another flash of jealousy! Her face flushed.
As he approached her table, she caught her breath. Keep
cool, remember, he’s a thing of the past. She kept repeating
that phrase as the handsome Jeff Desmond came closer.
Jeff didn’t stop to say hello to anyone, he walked directly
to her, bent down and kissed her. He wasted no time trying
to explain the beautiful blonde in the restaurant! “You left,
you didn’t let me explain,” he said quickly.
“You don’t owe me any explanation!” Pamela replied
“But I want to explain!” A stern look crossed his fore-
“Not now, I called you on business. I want to talk to
you about that first. Then we’ll get to us.”
Jeff could see she was serious and agreed, half-heart-
“Okay, shoot, what’s this all about?”
“Better get comfortable, it’s a long story, but one that
A Memory Unchained___________ 127
I think will interest you.”
“You are what interests me. But go ahead.” He smiled
but he caught her chastising look.
“Okay, okay,” he muttered. “I’ll listen.”
It took Pamela a while to get to the real proposition.
Finally, she finished by saying, “It really boils down to
this: Grant needs a silent backer, financial help to be more
specific, so that he can market Rex Dupar originals in his
Jeff had listened intently. Then he asked a question.
“It would seem strange to put money, silent or not, into
someone else’s department store and not my own.”
“That’s where I come in,” she said. “I’m the agent for
Rex Dupar and a partner of Grant Mondane’s.”
Jeff looked shocked. Then he asked the real question.
“What’s in it for me?”
“Thirty-five percent and a partnership in Dupar’s
creations, and exclusive rights to marketing in the United
“Sounds interesting. Who’s this Grant anyway?”
“Are you familiar with the chain ‘Le Mondanes’ of Eu-
rope?They are his. He has some financial problems but this
venture could cure all that. He’s young and disgustingly
ambitious, and wonderful!” She was bubbling over.
“You sound impressed.” Jeff looked at her. The look
in his eyes seemed to be filled with questions he wanted
“So, you’re not going to talk to me about us yet?”
“Not yet, business is business,” she said.
Jeff hesitated but listened to Pamela’s presentation. He
liked what she was saying. It was impressive.
128 __________________Gloria Graham
“When can I meet these two men in your life? Sounds
like you haven’t been lonely in Europe!” he snapped.
“Grant and Rex will both be arriving this week. We can
meet Thursday evening. Is that alright?”
Jeff nodded in agreement.
He walked with her to her car.
“You’re not being fair to us, you know, but I’m a patient
man.” He grinned. His eyes sparkled. A wisp of hair the
wind had caught hung slightly over his forehead. Pamela
caught herself staring.
“Goodbye for now,” he said as he turned and walked
Pamela watched him. She touched her lips. She could
still feel the tingle of his kiss when they met.
“Why couldn’t it be different. He could so easily sweep
me off my feet, take me in his arms, carry me away.” She
wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.
“If,” she whispered. She wondered why she had been
so stubborn. They could have talked. She had been stub-
born and selfish.
“I blew it,” she grumbled. “I really blew it this time!”
Pamela sat for a moment. She decided to add Jeff’s
name to her Thursday calendar.
She glanced at the arrival schedule.
Grant – flight 210 – 2:00 PM Thursday
Rex – flight 923 – 2:30 PM Friday
Jill – flight 423 – 2:23 PM Thursday
She wondered how she would manage to meet both
Grant and Jill at opposite ends of the airport!
Thursday came quickly and Pamela hurried to meet
Grant in the airport lobby. He quickly grabbed her and
A Memory Unchained___________ 129
twirled her around, kissing her on the cheek.
“You did it,” he yelled. “He’s going to meet with us!”
“It’s up to you and Rex now!” She patted his shoulder.
She rushed him to the ramp where Jill’s plane was due
“There’s Jill’s plane now.” Pamela waited anxiously for
her to enter the waiting room.
“I can’t wait to meet your little girl” Grant waited pa-
tiently beside her.
Jill waved and ran to hug Pamela while Grant stood by
with his mouth open.
Pamela introduced them. “I can’t believe this is your
not-so-little girl.” He smiled.
Jill’s face expressed shock when she saw him.
“She’s every bit as beautiful as you said she was.” Grant
Jill smiled, but she was visibly disturbed.
“Mom, can I talk to you a minute, alone?”
“Excuse us, will you Grant? We’ll be right back.”
He looked puzzled. “Sure,” he said. “I’ll be at the bag-
Jill whispered urgently, “I’ve seen him before, Mom.
At school. He spoke to the fashion department last year,”
she said breathlessly.
“Really, he told me he did some speaking tours, but I
never asked where.”
“He’s handsome. I adored him then, I think you’d call
it a school girl crush!”
“Well, let’s keep it our secret. Just calm down and be
yourself.” Pamela put her arms around Jill.
“He doesn’t remember me, that’s for sure!” Jill re-
130 __________________Gloria Graham
“Did you meet him in person?” Pamela asked.
“I sure did. He dated my roommate! I was very envi-
“That’s in the past my darling.” Pamela smiled and
squeezed her hand. They walked arm in arm back to the
handsome, smiling young man. Pamela watched Grant’s
face. She wondered if he remembered their last night to-
gether in Paris.
Pamela insisted that Grant escort Jill to the baggage
room while she checked on the time schedules for the
Rex would be arriving for their meeting on the two
o’clock flight from Paris.
When Pamela finally caught up with Jill and Grant
they were laughing and talking with each other like old
Jill had put on her most sophisticated, lady-like façade,
and Grant was trying hard to impress her, as Mr. Big.
Pamela laughed to herself. It would only be a matter
of time, she thought.
Jill insisted that Grant stay at their apartment for the
night, at least until Rex arrived. Pamela agreed.
As the evening progressed, all the false pretenses went
their way and Jill and Grant began to relax and show their
true selves. It was evident they liked what they saw!
The morning passed quickly as they prepared to meet
Rex’s plane. Pamela was excited about Rex’s arrival. She
felt proud to be his “chosen one.” It was a responsibility
that she didn’t take lightly.
They arrived at the airport ahead of time, just in case
A Memory Unchained___________ 131
the plane was early. They waited in vain as the passengers
exited the plane.
When he didn’t get off the plane, Pamela went to the
“I’m concerned about one of your passengers we are
meeting today. Could you check to see if Mr. Rex Dupar
was on board from Paris?” The attendant scrolled the pas-
“I’m sorry, he is not listed.” She said.
“Are you sure this is the entire list?” Pamela’s voice was
filled with emotion by then.
“Let me check to see our cancellation list.” She of-
“I’m so sorry ma’am, there was a last minute cancella-
tion from Mr. Dupar in Paris.”
Pamela looked at Grant, then to Jill, she was visibly
Pamela was upset that Rex was not
aboard the flight. Her throat tightened, her hands were
clammy. Her imagination ran wild. He knew how impor-
tant this meeting was. He wouldn’t just miss his plane! Her
heart pounded as she choked with emotion.
She called Jeff to explain what was happening. “He’s a
big boy. Probably missed his plane for some good reason,
don’t worry!” He sounded irritated at her concern and not
the least bit upset. “Our meeting,” she stammered, “we’ll
Jeff interrupted her quickly. “I’ll meet with the boy
– what’s his name – Grant?”
“Yes, Grant. Do you think that will work out?” She
134 __________________Gloria Graham
“Sure, you come too. We need time to talk privately!”
Pamela agreed as she hung up the phone. A feeling of
nervousness and depression came over her. She closed her
eyes and paid a silent prayer for Rex wherever he was.
Pamela had to tear Grant away from Jill. Trying to
turn his attention from her beautiful daughter to business
“Do you think I can present this deal to him?” Grant
seemed a bit nervous as he questioned Pamela.
“Just be yourself,” she advised. “Jeff likes ordinary
people! Remember, we have something he’s interested in.”
Grant expressed how disappointed he was that Rex
would not be with him on their first meeting. “I just
hope nothing bad has happened or that he has changed
Pamela nodded in agreement. Her face was visibly
shaken by the absence of Rex on the plane.
In his office, Jeff was an entirely different man. He was
not at all the dashing, carefree playboy he appeared to be
after hours. He was to the point and very businesslike. He
projected the business tycoon that he was known to be in
His office was immaculate, organized and elegant.
Pamela was so impressed. This was her first visit into his
“You like it?” he asked. Jeff had been watching her
scrutinize the surroundings.
“I’m overwhelmed,” she responded, looking into his
silvery blue eyes that hadn’t left her for a minute.
A Memory Unchained___________ 135
Grant reached his hand out to shake Jeff’s. Grant was
nervous, but shook his hand with confidence.
Pamela stayed with them just long enough to introduce
the two men and to state her position in the pending
As she spoke, Jeff watched her closely. At times he had
a wistful, faraway look in his eyes. Pamela noticed but
she tried to ignore it and keep her mind on the merger at
“I must leave you two, but I’ll be back in a couple of
hours. I’m going to try and find out what has happened
to Rex.” She smiled at the two very attractive men look-
ing at her.
Pamela hadn’t planned on leaving them at all, but she
was concerned about Rex and her heart overcame the
“Will we have time later on?” Jeff questioned her as
he helped her put her soft white angora sweater around
her shoulders. She looked like something out of Vogue in
her burnt orange Shantung dress that clung softly to ev-
ery curve of her beautiful body. A dress she had designed
herself for just such a moment.
“Later,” she agreed and smiled with a promising look.
A knot in her breast made her feel she and Jeff were play-
ing a cat and mouse game with each other and she didn’t
know why. She calmed her feelings by reminding herself,
“God is in control, relax Pamela!”
At the airport, Jill helped her mother search for different
telephone numbers to call and check on Rex. Every call
ended in desperation. No one seemed to know anything
except that he left his office with plans to fly to the United
136 __________________Gloria Graham
“How far did he get?” she questioned. She was becom-
ing more concerned with each call.
Finally, after a bevy of calls, she reached Rex’s secretary,
the woman she met the afternoon Rex had given Pamela
her own fashion show. She realized immediately they were
not going to be able to communicate. His secretary knew
very little English and Pamela’s French was atrocious!
“Say that again.” Pamela thumbed rapidly through
her French dictionary. His secretary repeated her sentence
slowly – Pamela caught one word – hospital – her heart
sank. Rex’s secretary gave her a phone number to call.
Pamela’s hand trembled as she dialed the operator. Jill
stood close to her, holding her tightly.Tears streamed down
“I’m afraid of what I’ll find out.” Her eyes showed the
agony she was in.
The phone number was located in England. Pamela
had no idea who she was calling.
Jill squeezed her mother’s hand. “Try the number – you
must,” she urged.
A woman’s voice, very clear and audible, came over
“I’m a friend of Rex Dupar’s – in America. Can you tell
me anything about him?” Her voice choked up.
The woman cleared her throat. “Yes. I’m his Aunt Lydia.
And who are you please,” she questioned.
Pamela tried to explain hurriedly, but had to stop. She
was so upset she couldn’t think of the right things to say.
She finally made Aunt Lydia understand who she was.
“Pamela Thornton you say?” she asked again.
A Memory Unchained___________ 137
“Yes, in the United States. I must know, is Rex alright?”
Pamela was tired of all the explaining she had done and
now she begged for answers! Her voice sounded of irrita-
Aunt Lydia seemed to know who Pamela was. She
explained that Rex had been hit by a drunk driver at a
stop sign at a busy intersection on his way to the airport.
She also explained that she had raised Rex and they were
There were four cars involved in the accident and Rex’s
maroon limousine suffered the worst. His chauffeur had
been killed and Rex was in a coma, critical.
Pamela choked up. She could hardly speak. She apolo-
gized to Aunt Lydia but assured her she would be on the
next available plane to Paris.
Aunt Lydia was gracious and planned to meet Pamela
when she arrived.
Jill held her mother close and tried to comfort her.
Pamela let all her pent up emotions go.
Finally she regained her composure. “I’m alright now,
we must hurry,” she said, wiping her eyes.
Jill drove her back to Jeff Desmond’s office. When Pa-
mela entered the room she could tell by the way the two
men were talking that Jeff and Grant had hit it off. Jeff
quickly announced, “This is some smart fellow! I’m sure
we can do business!”
Pamela managed a small half-hearted smile.
“What’s wrong?” Grant’s smile faded!
Jeff walked toward her, his face taunt and full of ques-
“It’s Rex,” she said solemnly. “He’s been in a terrible
138 __________________Gloria Graham
accident, on his way to the plane, yesterday.”
“Is he alive?” Grant burst in.
“Barely – he’s in a coma – he hasn’t regained conscious-
ness since the accident.”
“How did you find out?”
“I located his Aunt Lydia. Rex had told her all about our
plans. She has his power of attorney.” Pamela paused.
Grant interrupted. “Aunt Lydia is a very special person
in Rex’s life. I know. I should have realized she would know
if anything was wrong.” He looked apologetic. He put his
arms around Pamela, consoling her.
Jeff looked bewildered. “Without our designer – what
do we have?” he asked.
“He’s critical – not dead!” she answered abruptly. “I’ve
got to go to him now!” Pamela’s eyes were red, but set with
The hours that followed were hectic. Grant planned
to go to the airport to make their reservations. In his de-
parture he hesitated only long enough to apologize to Jeff.
He looked intently into Jill’s eyes and said, “You’ll come
with us, won’t you?”
His lips formed a tight line and his brow wrinkled with
concern as he awaited her reply.
Jill looked quickly at her mother, her eyes shining with
“Yes, of course,” Pamela answered.
Grant nodded in agreement and quickly disappeared
out the door of Jeff’s office.
Jeff stood speechless, his handsome face marred with a
forlorn, helpless look. His blue eyes echoed his sadness.
“I’m sorry,” Pamela quickly added as she faced him.
A Memory Unchained___________ 139
“It’s not what I planned. I’ll call you from Paris as soon as
I know something.”
Jeff pulled her close. It surprised Pamela but she didn’t
resist this time. She wanted a compassionate friend, some-
one who cared about her.
“Be careful,” he whispered and he kissed her softly on
“I’ll be waiting for your call,” he said. “If you need me,
I’m here.” He smiled. Pamela loved the way his moustache
twisted slightly when he smiled. She had that same funny
feeling in the pit of her stomach. His concern touched her
and she was definitely taken aback. Just when she began
to wonder if there was no man left in the world with any
compassion Jeff’s concern came through.
Jill watched them, her cute half-grin showing. It was
the kind of all knowing smile, like she thought she knew
a secret about her mother and Jeff Desmond that they
Grant met them in the lobby of the airport. “We’re
lucky,” Grant called to them as Pamela and Jill came closer
to the flight desk. “They had three cancellations on the
flight leaving tonight – 8:00 o’clock.” He finished paying
for the tickets.
“Tonight!” Pamela gasped. “Doesn’t give us much time,
does it?” She sighed.
“I haven’t even had time to unpack yet, have you?” Jill
said looking at Grant. He nodded a “no” gesture in disbelief
of the whole situation.
“I didn’t pack for Paris but I guess it will do,” Jill
“And I packed for America!” he laughed, adding, “It
140 __________________Gloria Graham
isn’t as if we didn’t have the way to get you more clothes! I
knew there would be some good reason I owned a depart-
ment store!” He smiled. His face lit up with pride as he
spoke. It was obvious he wanted to impress Jill.
“Come on you two, we haven’t much time,” Pamela
called. “Now, let’s see,” she mumbled, “we’ll eat dinner,
grab a shower, I’ll pack…” Pamela’s voice trailed off as she
headed for the door.
Jill sighed, looked at her mother and shook her head.
She winked cutely at Grant.
“Mom’s mind goes a mile a minute,” Jill said as they
dodged in and out of the crowd, trying to keep up with
Jill sat starting out the window of the plane at the glit-
tering lights of Logan International Airport.
“Too bad this trip is not for pleasure!” Grant said, look-
ing at the beautiful young girl sitting next to him.
Jill smiled. “Rex is very important to Mom.”
“To me too,” he added. “We’ve been friends a long time
and he brought your mother and me together.”
Pamela heard Grant’s remark. A cold chill ran through
her. She wondered if he was remembering their afternoon
together! She hurriedly dismissed the thought. Jill was
obviously excited about going to Paris with them even if
it was on such a solemn occasion.
After the jet was airborne, the seatbelt light went off.
Jill turned around in her seat to talk to her mother. Tears
were streaming down Pamela’s cheeks.
“He’ll be alright Mom,” she said, “you’ll see.”
“It was such a serious accident. They don’t give him
much hope.” Pamela’s voice cracked as she tried to swallow
A Memory Unchained___________ 141
the lump caught in her throat.
“Mom, you’ve always taught me that there is always
hope!” Jill waited a few minutes for Pamela to regain her
composure and realize again that God is in control.
“Will you be able to show Rex’s collection now?” Jill
asked with concern.
“Yes,” she paused. “Aunt Lydia assured me she would
take all the necessary steps to give us the rights. She wants
us to proceed with our plans, for Rex’s sake.”
“Will you be meeting her right away?” Jill tried to keep
her mother’s mind off Rex for a time.
“She’s expecting me. But I want to see Rex first.”
Pamela’s eyes were red and swollen.
Grant shook his head in agreement. “Yes,” he said, “we
have to see Rex first.”
Pamela knew how much Rex meant to him. He was
just better at hiding his feelings than she was.
Grant showed what a magnificent organizer he was. He
took charge as soon as the plane landed. He rented a car
and they started for the hospital with no delays.
Jill gasped and hid her eyes as he darted his rental
car in and out of the traffic. Pamela also buried her eyes
behind her hands. “I never got used to this traffic,” she
“Tell me when we’re there,” Jill said and ducked down
in the seat.
Pamela had to laugh at the terrified look on Jill’s face.
“So, how do you like Paris so far darling?” she asked.
Jill smiled weakly! “I can’t look at it now, this ride is
“Gotta drive like the natives do, or you’ll get run over,”
142 __________________Gloria Graham
Grant said and held on tightly to the steering wheel!
At the hospital Grant explained to the doctor how Pa-
mela came all the way from the United States to see Rex.
They finally agreed to let her in.
As she entered the dimly lit room of the intensive care
unit, the sound of the heart monitor beeping and making
its scratchy marks on the screen gave her a sick feeling
Pamela caught her breath when she looked at him. His
usually shining eyes were barely visible. His cheeks were
swollen over the bridge of his nose. She would never have
recognized him if she hadn’t known it was Rex.
Pamela sat quietly beside him for a long while holding
his hand! Grant had promised the nurse she wouldn’t make
him talk. Pamela honored that promise.
She prayed silently. God had been good to her by
providing this friend. She prayed for his life. “If it be thy
will,” she added humbly.
She held back her tears until she left the room, then
they came uncontrolled.
“Did you see the doctor?” She looked at Grant and Jill,
her sobs interrupted her question.
Grant’s expression held the answer.
“Will he live?” she begged.
“He’s holding his own,” he said blandly.
“Tomorrow, if he gets through tomorrow...” he paused.
Grant was shaken, his face torn with grief.
Jill put her arm around her mother.
“He will make it,” she assured her and added, “Come
on, let’s get something to eat. We can’t help him here.” She
tugged on Pamela’s arm. Pamela hadn’t eaten for a day and
A Memory Unchained___________ 143
Jill was worried about her.
Grant agreed. “We have other things we can do for
Pamela followed reluctantly, she knew they were right.
As they left the hospital she wondered if she would ever
see Rex alive again.
Pamela insisted that she talk with Rex’s Aunt Lydia
“Grant will you show Jill some of Paris?” she sug-
gested politely. “I can take care of the business with Aunt
Grant realized from the look on her face that she really
wanted to be alone with Aunt Lydia.
“If you’re sure you don’t need us?” he asked.
“Please, Jill must see some of Paris before we leave. We
haven’t much time,” she paused, kissed Jill on the cheek
and added, “I’ll be fine now, really!”
Jill smiled. She knew her mother’s faith would sustain
her. There had been times when she felt her mother was
too religious and straight but now she could feel the power
her mother was receiving. Jill watched and prayed too. She
thanked God for having a Christian mom who showed
Aunt Lydia was only a phone call away. In a matter of
minutes she arrived at the restaurant Deux-Magots. Pamela
thought of how only a few short weeks before she and Rex
had dined together in the same spot.
Pamela watched the door. She knew she would recog-
nize the very matronly Aunt Lydia when she entered the
“Mrs. Thornton?” a soft spoken voice addressed her
144 __________________Gloria Graham
“So sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, but you just look
like an American, am I correct?” She smiled graciously.
“Aunt Lydia?” Her tone reflected her surprise.
There stood a tall dark haired woman who looked like
a model out of Vogue, elegantly attired and not at all a
little old grey haired aunt like she expected.
Pamela apologized and explained why she hadn’t rec-
She was every bit as friendly as Rex and anxious to
help get the legal documents to Pamela so the “collection
showing” could proceed.
She had already called her lawyer and everything would
be ready for Pamela the following day. Their meeting was
filled with emotion and sadness but both women felt the
need to pursue Rex’s interests.
“Rex has mentioned you quite often. Now I can see
why. You are as beautiful as he said.” Aunt Lydia spoke
with a very French accent which only made her more at-
“He is very special to me. We became good friends in
such a short time. Something quite unusual these days.”
Lydia embraced Pamela. “He is very special to me too.
He’s the son I never had. The only child of my sister. I
promised her I would take care of him. Now...” Her voice
was filled with emotion. “He needs me more than ever.”
She got control of herself emotionally.
“It’s what he would want of me. His designs are his life.
We must make sure the “collection showing” goes on.”
A Memory Unchained___________ 145
Pamela had the feeling she had met another beautiful
friend in Paris.
“Now, you must go back to America and begin plans
for this gala affair.” She said with a determined tone of
“Just as quickly as I can. I want to see Rex again, but
then we will be leaving. May I call you often and find out
about Rex? The hospital won’t tell me a thing.”
“I’ll be disappointed if you don’t. Besides, I must know
how your plans are going.” Pamela hugged Aunt Lydia and
they made an appointment to meet at the lawyer’s office
the next morning.
Pamela kissed her new friend on the cheek. “God will
be with him, I just know it,” she whispered.
Lydia smiled faintly, “He must be. We must pray posi-
tively for this.” It was obvious to Pamela that Aunt Lydia
was a Christian. She felt a wave of peace flow through her
at that moment.
“Iwonder how mother is getting
along with Aunt Lydia?” Jill looked at Grant with her baby
“Your Mom can get along with anyone!” he answered
“I really appreciate your taking me sightseeing, when
I know how concerned you are for Rex.”
“I want to,” he said softly.
“Thank you anyway.” She smiled.
Grant made sure she saw every tourist attraction Paris
had to offer.The morning was full of walking up and down
long lines of steps and endless museums. Jill sank into the
car seat exhausted.
“Hey, we are just getting started,” Grant laughed.
148 __________________Gloria Graham
“I’ve never walked up so many steps in my life! Can
there be more?” She said reluctantly.
Grant thought for a moment.
“How would you like to ditch this city stuff and take
a ride in the Paris countryside?”
“Sound terrific,” she sighed leaning her head against
“Now that’s better,” he said and he put his arm around
her as they drove out of the city traffic.
“I know a nice tearoom. It has all the flavor of Eu-
“I’d love that,” she smiled.
The afternoon passed rapidly. They were amazed at
how much they had in common. After lunch, Grant sug-
gested a walk along the banks of a small stream behind
the tea room.
Jill quietly took in the crisp, clean air as Grant watched
her every move.
When she paused to pick a wild flower, Grant couldn’t
resist helping her up. Right into his waiting arms.
They kissed softly – then again. Jill caught her breath.
Her mother’s warning about Grant echoed in her ears. She
wanted her to be wrong about him.
Grant started to say something when Jill stopped
“Please wait,” I feel I must be completely honest with
you. I do feel special about you, but I have to be sure you
understand something. I am not a one night stand. I…”
Grant anticipated her, “Neither am I, regardless of what
you have heard or read on the gossip column. That is not
me. I want the same thing you want. Love with the right
A Memory Unchained___________ 149
person, the one God has chosen for me.” He paused.
Jill smiled. “I have been saving myself for that one
special person too.”
Then Grant smiled. “Just one question,” he said. “Will
you recognize him when you meet him?”
Jill smiled coyly at him and said, “I think I already
Grant gathered her into his arms again and they
“I hate to break up this moment but we’d better get
back to the hospital, your mother will be concerned about
us.” Grant said reluctantly.
Jill sighed. He seemed to sense her feelings. She couldn’t
take her eyes off his handsome face as they drove to the
hospital in each others arms.
When they arrived at the hospital, Pamela was seated
in the waiting room.
“Is he …?” Jill paused. Her mother looked tired and
drawn. The trip and all the trauma showed on Pamela’s
“The doctor is due out now. I’ve waited all day to speak
to him,” she said soberly.
“Have you seen Rex at all?” Jill questioned.
“Yes, they have been most kind. I’ve spent hours just
holding his hand and praying for him.” Pamela wiped her
Jill put her arm around her mother.
“You are much too tired. Why don’t we go back to the
hotel and you can rest.”
Pamela quickly disagreed.
“I’ve got to see the doctor first. I couldn’t rest any-
150 __________________Gloria Graham
When the doctor broke the news, Pamela whispered,
“Thank you God.”
“He’s regained consciousness. You can go in and talk
to him. But just for five minutes.” The doctor was pleas-
ant but firm.
Grant hugged Pamela. A tear rolled down his cheek.
“You go in first,” he demanded. “I’ll wait.”
The room was still dark, the heart monitor still made
its beeping sound but this time it was a beautiful sound
to Pamela’s ears.
Rex turned his bruised head toward her as she entered
his room. He blinked his eyes when she spoke to him. He
Pamela held back her tears. Her heart ached as she
looked into his blank, unreachable eyes, so different from
his usual intensely happy look.
She sat silently, holding his hand, hoping he would
She whispered in his ear, “You are so special to me. I
love you so.”
She couldn’t help remember the beautiful weeks they
had spent together in Paris.
“How short life is,” she thought. “How little time we
have to make things right in our lives. Okay God, give
him back his life,” she prayed.
Pamela stayed as long as the nurse would allow.
Then Rex’s words came softly. “I have felt your prayers
Chéri. Your strength is with me.” He hesitated.
Pamela squeezed his hand.
“You must model the blue chiffon for me.” He whis-
A Memory Unchained___________ 151
pered though the pain made it hard for him to speak.
“But darling, don’t think of that now, you must rest.
Besides, I’m not a model. Are you sure, it’s going to be
the biggest show of the season. I’m not sure I would do
“Please,” he gasped. “You must promise me.”
“Of course, I promise. For you I would do any-
She thought how much she owed him. What a small
request.Their relationship had been short, but the depth of
their friendship was real.They had experienced something
between them that was beautiful.
Rex motioned her close again. He whispered a name,
“Jeff – the meeting…?”
Pamela finally caught all his words. He was still so weak
She thought before she spoke. She could still see the
hurt expression on Jeff’s handsome face when she left so
abruptly. She shivered.
“Everything’s fine,” she answered. “Don’t worry. We
have everything under control. Aunt Lydia has helped.”
Rex seemed to relax with that assurance. He closed his
eyes. Pamela kissed him softly and left the room.
Grant visited with Rex for a short time, then they left
for the airport.
In the taxi Jill couldn’t contain her excitement any
longer. She bubbled over with all the sights Grant had
taken her to see.
Pamela watched their faces closely. They hardly took
their eyes off each other. She laid her head back against
the seat and said another “Thank you Lord for everything.
152 __________________Gloria Graham
And especially for my Jill.”
She smiled as she watched as the two young people sit-
ting in front of her falling in love. Next stop, New York,
she thought, and a new job awaiting her. She shivered.
New York bustled with people all in a hurry to get
somewhere, anywhere. The sign atop the building flashed
“Desmonds.” Pamela walked into her new office. She had
the uneasy feeling that all eyes were on her.
She sighed as she looked at all the unpacked boxes
awaiting her personal attention. They would have to wait,
She felt a need to get acquainted with her new staff.
She hated being the outsider, the new boss.
Pamela called Mrs. Clarey, the oldest member of the
staff, into her office.
Mrs. Clarey was on edge, nervous and obviously dis-
turbed by Pamela’s new authority.
Jeff had given her a free hand with the office. But Jeff
had said “It’s your baby, do what needs to be done. It needs
a strong hand.” Pamela thought how very businesslike his
proposition had been. It was to be temporary, just until
the showing, unless she liked the job. In that case – it was
Jeff had made accepting the position easy.
“Please, do sit down, Mrs. Clarey.” She began by say-
ing, “I want to be your friend as well as your boss.” Pamela
smiled and reached out her hand to greet her warmly.
Mrs. Clarey began with an attitude, “You know, Mr.
Desmond always separated friendship and business. He
Pamela interrupted, “A man thinks a little differently
A Memory Unchained___________ 153
about running a business than we women do, don’t you
think?” Pamela smiled. “Most men really don’t give us
credit for knowing how to make a business really good!”
Mrs. Clarey smiled. “Oh, I agree. For years I’ve felt
“Good,” Pamela said. “We should be great partners,
don’t you agree?”
“Oh yes, Mrs. Thornton, Great!” She smiled ner-
“Calm down. I want us to become very good friends.”
Pamela placed her arm around her. “I will need your
Mrs. Clarey seemed to relax.
Pamela smiled as she listened at the door as Mrs. Clarey
began shaping up the staff.
“Now, when Mrs. Thornton needs anything, you will
promptly…” Mrs. Clarey continued. Pamela shut the of-
fice door. She felt better about the job now. Things would
work. It was another instance that a few kind words worked
She had to get busy. The show was not too far off and
she had everything to do.
When she remembered promising Rex she would model
his blue chiffon, she felt nervous inside.
She was not a model and the idea of walking in front
of all those people made her shiver!
She had promised her friend and she would keep that
promise no matter how she dreaded it.
Pamela began her plans for the “show.” Her first contact
was Janice Monroe. Pamela knew she was the key to the
social world of Boston and New York. If she could acquire
154 __________________Gloria Graham
her help, that would be a big step forward.
“Darling,” Janice drawled in her own special accent.
“Of course I will do it! All I want in return is one of those
scrumptious designs of Rex Dupar’s!” She laughed. “Some-
thing very special darling.”
“Fair is fair, you have it,” Pamela agreed. “Come in
tomorrow and I’ll take all your measurements and we’ll
get our list together at the same time.”
Pamela knew Janice pretty well. For all her brassy man-
ner, she had a heart of gold and Pamela liked her. It was
also a well know fact that anyone receiving one of Janice’s
gold engraved invitations would be there!
Jeff stuck his head in her office, “I’ve been calling you
all morning. Don’t you answer your messages?” he said.
“How about lunch, you know, all work and no play, etc.,
etc.,” he smiled.
“Can’t today, too much going.”
“How long are you going to put me off?” His mouth
tightened his tone not quite so jovial.
She had been avoiding him, she knew it. He had shaken
her protective walls once; she couldn’t let him do it again.
It would be so easy she thought as she watched him walk
toward the door.
“Maybe tomorrow?” she called. He closed the door
Her face dropped. Why was she so afraid of Jeff Des-
mond anyway? It was hard for her to get back to business.
He always managed to upset her equilibrium.
The next time she looked at the clock it was 11:45
“Jeff will be lunching at Jason’s like he usual does,”
A Memory Unchained___________ 155
she thought as she quickly tidied up her desk. Her heart
pounded as she left a message with her secretary and started
to leave, anticipating surprising him.
The phone rang. Pamela frowned as she looked toward
her desk. It rang again. She tried to ignore it, and then
decided she had better answer it.
It was Agatha, head of the dress assembly room. “You
gotta see this, Mrs. Thornton. It’s a real mess!” she said in
her abrupt, untactful way.
Pamela rushed to the sewing room. “So much for sur-
prising Jeff,” she grumbled.
Agatha flew into a rage. “It can’t be done. It just can’t
be done!” She was in a tizzy.
“Come on now,” she patted her on the arm, “What
can’t be done?”
“This ..?” She held up a piece of fabric and laid it sternly
on top of another. “See,” she said, “I could design clothes
better than this myself!”
“Now Agatha,” Pamela pampered her. “Let’s see what
we can figure out!”
Agatha calmed right down. She admired Pamela’s
knowledge of the business and soon the problem was
solved. As she left Agatha was spitting out orders as if there
had never been a problem.
Pamela went straight home and fell into bed exhausted.
When the phone range she muttered, “Oh no, what
It was Jill. Pamela sighed
“How’s the new job going Mom?” she questioned.
“I need eight more hours in the day,” she answered
wearily! “It’s good to hear from you anyway. You’re an
156 __________________Gloria Graham
answer to my prayers!”
“Can I help?”
“You could, but school is more important.”
“He’s working as hard as I am to get this show together!
I haven’t talked to him...” her voice trailed off.
“Why don’t you come down this weekend? I’ll take care
of your ticket. I could use your help. That is if you aren’t
busy.” Pamela added.
Jill didn’t wait for a second invitation. She burst in with,
“Great, I’ll be there Friday, to help!”
Pamela laughed to herself after she hung the phone up.
Jill just might be in love, she thought. She didn’t even ask
about Pamela’s love life for a change. She definitely had
something else on her mind.
When Jill arrived, she dug right in to help her mother
with the schedule for the show but when Grant arrived,
they disappeared together quickly.
It was the first time Jill really didn’t want to go back to
school and Pamela was concerned about her future. Was
Grant really right for Jill? She knew it was out of her hands
and in the Lord’s will. Jill was a big girl now, she thought,
but Pamela prayed for Jill’s wisdom in her life.
The plans for the show were going well. Grant and Jeff
worked hard together. They seemed to be forming quite
a nice relationship.
Pamela noticed how distant Jeff had become. He practi-
cally ignored her when she was around.
“Probably has another girlfriend,” she grumbled. She
couldn’t keep her eyes off him though she made sure Jeff
A Memory Unchained___________ 157
didn’t catch her looking!
When Jill arrived the following weekend, she noticed
how depressed her mother seemed.
“What’s the matter? Is the show getting you down?”
Pamela admitted she was tired and concerned about
everything, but that didn’t seem to Jill to be the whole
“What about Rex?” Jill asked.
“He’s so much better. I talked to Aunt Lydia; she’s so
pleased with his progress.”
sion changed, her smooth forehead showed frown lines and
her soft blue eyes looked watery.
“It’s him, isn’t it? Are you in love with him Mom?”
Pamela sat down, shrugged her shoulders in despair. “I
don’t know. I’m so mixed up. Besides, he’s not even interested
anymore. He ignores me completely!”
“Have you been ignoring him?”
“Well,” Pamela paused. “Yes, I guess I have.”
“What are you afraid of Mom? Is it Dad?” Jill had never
been quite that bold speaking of her late father. She had ma-
tured a lot the past year.
“I suppose so; he’s still very much in my thoughts.”
“He’s gone, Mom. You can’t live being chained to those
memories. Jeff is in love with you, it’s written all over his
“I thought so once,” her voice faded.
“What changed that?”
“Have you read the gossip columns lately? He is linked
romantically with a different new model every week.”
158 __________________Gloria Graham
“Really, Mom. You don’t believe that trash do you?”
“I guess that’s really why I don’t trust him, or myself. I’m
a one man woman, and I want that in reverse.”
“You owe him a chance to tell you whether it’s true or
not!” Jill sounded disgusted with her mother.
“Maybe, after I get this show over, maybe then.” Her
expression hadn’t lightened. She looked tired and nervous.
“You’re working too hard Mom,” she scolded, (obviously
concerned about her Mom).
I know, darling, you are right but this is a chance of a
lifetime and I must take it and give it my all for myself and
Everything was done. Rehearsals went
well and finally the big night had arrived! Pamela’s heart
raced as she watched the spotlights flash across the sky
above the theater. She had worked hard for this night.
Rex had been very much on her mind. She missed his
reassurance, his way of making everything seem right.
This night was her gift to him. Pamela had given up her
own personal life to make the showing of his line of ‘Fall
Creations’ a success.
Jeff had been present but always in a frenzy of business.
Their stolen glances kept a small uncertainty burning in-
side her. Grant had been wonderful. His expertise showed
in every preparation for the show. He had a lot riding on
160 __________________Gloria Graham
When Jill arrived she got involved immediately. Her
training at college added a helpful touch that Pamela was
As their black limousine pulled up in front of the
theater Pamela smiled nervously at Jill and squeezed her
hand. “This is it baby,” she said.
“It’s going to be great, I just feel it!” Jill answered ex-
The spotlights flashed across the sky advertising the
big occasion. Jeff had seen to that. Pamela blushed as she
walked the red carpet and the crowd cheered. All the tele-
vision stations were represented and she was overwhelmed
by interviewers trying to talk to her.
Jeff was in charge of all the publicity for the show and
her name had become well known in Boston and New York
as entrepreneur for the Rex Dupar ‘Fall Collection.’
Pamela and Jill began feeling the pressure of the crowd
closing in, when Jeff and Grant rescued them and whisked
them backstage. “Thank heavens you came when you did. I
can’t believe this crowd,” Pamela whispered in Jeff’s ear.
“It’s going to be the biggest show of the season. I
predict a hit!” He leaned closer. “By the way, you look
Pamela smiled and squeezed his arm tightly. She im-
mediately thought how handsome he looked. “This is it,”
Grant said. “Now we go to work!”
Jeff and Grant disappeared instantly taking charge of
the complex details backstage. Jill and Pamela went directly
to the dressing room.The room bubbled with excited mod-
els, makeup artists and hair stylists. Pamela made sure each
girl looked perfect. Jill helped check each original design
A Memory Unchained___________ 161
to make sure there were no slip ups, or slips showing.
The last hour before show time was exhausting! By
the time the opening orchestra strains were heard, she
was ready to get out of the dressing room, if only to keep
Pamela caught her breath when she looked at the stage.
She had been much too busy with the models and designs
to see the stage in its final lighting. She felt pangs of pride
as she stared at the colored lights of orange and gold shim-
mering across the magnificent stage. A cascade of crystal
teardrops and mirrors hung in vertical streamers from the
ceiling, each reflecting the dazzling colors and projecting
them on every wall in the huge theater.
No expense had been spared. Jeff had seen to that
“Where is Jeff?” Pamela asked.
“Haven’t seen him Mrs. Thornton,” the stage manager
“Have you seen Jeff?” she asked Jill as she hurried by
on her way to the next dressing room.
“Nope, not for a while. I’ve been pretty busy though.”
“I can’t tell you how much help you’ve been to me!”
Pamela kissed her quickly.
“See ya – gotta go –” she yelled back. “Tell Grant, if
you see him, I’m in room 2.”
Pamela smiled, but a quick concern crossed her mind
for Jill’s happiness. It was becoming more evident that
Grant and Jill were taken with each other. She thought
about Jeff again. Where was he? Her eyes searched the
backstage area. He had disappeared after he escorted her
162 __________________Gloria Graham
backstage and she hadn’t seen him since, nor had anyone
She heard the music cue. The show was beginning.
The auditorium was filled to capacity! Pamela’s heart
pounded. She said a prayer for a calm spirit, but it didn’t
come quickly. She said a quiet prayer, “Lord be present
She noticed Janice peeking at the crowd from backstage.
Her expression was one of sheer delight! Her gold invita-
tions had helped pack the house.
“You’ve done it again, my thanks to you!” Pamela smiled
and blew her a kiss.
“My gown is elegant. It was worth it all!” Janice pressed
her chubby hand over the shimmering jewels around her
“I love it! I just can’t wait until the after party to show
off my Dupar original!” She hurried off to entertain a few
very important dignitaries with backstage privileges.
Pamela smiled. She really did like Janice! She had done
so much to make this night a success. Pamela made sure
she said “Thank You” to the Lord with every breath!
Pamela didn’t have time to think about Jeff again. Her
hands were full. She had to make sure that each design
was replaced in their individual locked cases after they
had been modeled. She knew full well that by the time the
morning reviews came out there would be a dozen copies
on the market!
“That’s the name of the game,” she sighed.
“Mom,” Jill motioned to her. “Time to get dressed.
Where’s your gown?”
“I haven’t even seen it yet. It’s locked up, Rex’s sur-
A Memory Unchained___________ 163
prise for me.” She laughed. “I hope I haven’t gained any
“Come on, I can’t wait to see it.” Jill was as excited as
When Pamela opened the case, there was a note at-
tached to the door. Pamela opened the envelope.
“This dress is an expression of my deep love for you. It
represents all the moods you are; soft, exquisite, shining
and elegant. It’s my gift to you Chéri. Love Rex.”
“Don’t cry, you’ll wreck your makeup!” Jill scolded her
as she placed the note on the dresser. “Let’s see the dress,”
Pamela carefully eased the blue chiffon from the locked
It was more beautiful than she ever dreamed it could
be. Rex had added his loving touch to it’s elegance.
“Oh,” she sighed. “It’s beautiful, look Jill.”
“Put it on. It’s so, so yummy. Hurry! Let’s see how you
look!” Jill’s excitement was electric.
Pamela stood gazing in the mirror. Every curve of the
dress matched hers. Each panel slimming and elegant.The
color was a blue she had never seen before. It was iridescent,
reflecting a silver blue at times and violet blue at others.
A rope of diamonds and sapphires crossed the front and
draped across the back, dipping to the waist.
“This had to cost a fortune!” Jill remarked. Pamela
turned slowly gazing at herself in the mirror.
“It’s the most beautiful gown I’ve ever seen,” she sighed.
“Rex must really love you!” Jill was almost speechless at
“It does look elegant, doesn’t it!” Pamela sighed.
164 __________________Gloria Graham
“Rex knew, that’s why he wanted you to model it!” Jill’s
voice echoed the pride she felt.
Pamela twirled around, watching the shimmer in the
“Oh Mom, you look beautiful.” Jill hugged her mother.
Pamela felt so special in Rex’s blue gown.
“Don’t cry Mom,” Jill reminded her, “your makeup!”
A very special stage had been prepared for the intro-
duction of Rex’s blue chiffon gown. The lights changed
to a blue and silver as she stepped on the turntable which
would elevate her to the winding staircase fifteen feet above
the stage floor.
Jill did a few last minute adjustments on her mother’s
“Have you seen Jeff around?” Pamela questioned
“I saw him just a minute ago across the stage.”
Pamela sighed in relief. “Good,” she said. “I’m ready
now.” She nodded to the stage manager.
The turntable started it’s acsent. The blue lights flick-
ered against thousands of hollow tubes filled with water,
making the stage look like a living waterfall. Pamela said
a silent prayer. She prayed that she would be able to show
off Rex’s gift to her in a very special way. She felt an instant
calmness overcome her. She was ready.
The orchestra’s rendition of “Blue Moon” echoed softly
as the turntable reached the top of the stairs.The spotlight
was on Pamela and the blue chiffon gown as she started
her walk down.
Oohs and aahs murmured across the room, then tre-
mendous applause. Her throat felt like it was closing up.
A Memory Unchained___________ 165
She fought the tears that were just a fragment away. She
swallowed hard. The applause continued.
As she reached the stage, blue fountains of water danced
in time with the music. Pamela smiled, as models are not
supposed to do, but the audience loved it. They stood up
as she glided down the staircase onto the stage.
She felt an assurance as she had never felt before. “This
is for you Rex,” she whispered as she smiled and dipped
ever so slightly so the chiffon would bellow softly. As she
turned again, she gasped! Jeff wasn’t alone.
“Rex!” She almost yelled it out loud. He was on crutches
and Lydia was there too. Pamela’s heart filled with joy as
she blew them a kiss. Now she really put on a show. Her
graceful ambulation across the stage showed off the blue
chiffon to the utmost. The audience went wild.
She walked slowly to center stage and motioned for
the orchestra to stop. The applause died down as she held
her hand up. She spoke softly. “Ladies and gentlemen,”
“Louder!” came a voice from the back of the auditori-
um. She began again, much louder. “Ladies and gentleman,
as you all know, or have read about, the famous designer of
these marvelous creations was injured in an auto accident
in Paris. To my surprise, and as a special treat for you all,
he is able to be here tonight.”
Pamela walked slowly to the wings. The applause was
overwhelming.Tears rolled down her cheeks as she reached
Rex. She gathered him into her arms.
“My Chéri,” he whispered. “You are a credit to me and
to my gown.”
The crowd’s applause begged for Rex. Pamela turned
166 __________________Gloria Graham
to face Jeff. Her mascara streaming down her cheeks and
smiling, she said, “You planned this, didn’t you?”
“Surprised?” He smiled.
Pamela kissed him quickly on the cheek.
“Get back out there,” Jeff patted her. “And take this
man with you!” Jeff laughed.
Rex held onto Pamela’s arm and they walked together
on stage. Pamela squeezed his arm. She whispered to Rex,
“Do you think we’re a success?”
“Oui, Chéri. I think we have a hit on our hands.”
Pamela squeezed his arm again as they neared center
stage.The audience went wild. It took minutes before they
could be calmed down enough for Rex to speak.
Words of thanks spilled forth in his very French way.
He had the audience in the palm of his hand. It had been
the end of a perfect show.
Backstage it was bedlam. Photographers grappling for
a shot of Rex and Pamela together. Jill hugged her mother
with pride. Both she and Grant had been close by for a
long time. Then Pamela noticed they had disappeared.
The crowd backstage had finally dwindled to a few
small groups in the wings. Janice’s laughter could be heard
echoing through the now empty auditorium.
Pamela paused and looked around.
“We are finally alone Chéri, but where is Jeff?” Pamela
paused and looked around.
“Perhaps he could see what I have been blind to,” her
voice cracked.Their eyes met squarely for a moment. Rex’s
smile turned to a look of question. “Let’s talk about us
– you and me.” She moved close to him.
The houselights were dim as Pamela and
Rex stood alone off stage. She had not taken her eyes off
him. “I love you,” she whispered.
Rex looked into her eyes and answered, “And I love
“I want to be with you, take care of you,” she hesitated.
“I have been searching for someone like you; kind, loving,
like my Tom was. You have been right here all along.” She
paused, suddenly feeling very embarrassed.
“And what about your Jeff?” he questioned lovingly.
“I was mixed up about him, but seeing you again made
things clear. I’ve missed you terribly and I need to be with
“Do you know Jeff made this trip possible; to surprise
168 __________________Gloria Graham
“I know, it was wonderful of him. He is a very special
man.” Her voice tightened in her throat.
“Chéri, I still see a gleam in your eyes when you speak
She was silent.
“You and I, Chéri, we love each other, it’s true, but I
don’t bring that gleam in your eyes. We are so lucky to have
such a friendship of love between us!” Rex tucked his crutch
deep under his arm and placed his arm around her.
“I do love you,” she said.
“Chéri, you are deceiving yourself. You are not ‘in love’
with me! You are searching for a dream, someone who will
fulfill a memory.”
Pamela’s face winced. Tears began their relentless trip
down her cheeks.
Rex caressed her firmly.
“Chéri, love is written all over your face. But it is not
me. You are in love with Jeff. He can be all the things you
dream about. If you really love him, don’t let him slip away
because of a memory you want him to live up to.” Rex’s
voice was full of conviction.
Pamela’s shoulders shook. Her tears had turned to sobs.
She laid her head on his shoulder.
He patted her softly.
“Now, now my pretty. It is not all bad. Your Jeff, he
loves you too. Go to him now. Don’t waste any precious
time!” Rex held her back to look into her eyes again.
She smiled faintly. The truth was evident.
“I do love him, you are so right, as always,” she
A Memory Unchained___________ 169
“Is he worth putting out some effort?” Rex asked.
“Oh yes, yes,” she sobbed.
`”Then go to him now. And God keep you,” he said
She hurriedly hugged Rex and kissed him on the
“I do love you so,” she whispered.
“I know Chéri, and I you.”
“Will you be alright now? What will you do?”
“Janice has many plans for me, and I shall enjoy every
minute. I love my public you know.” He smiled his most
special, enticing, mysterious smile as Janice came closer
“See, Chéri, my public awaits!”
Pamela turned around and disappeared out the stage
Rex whispered softly as she walked away, a sentence
she would never hear, but one that echoed through the
empty auditorium, “I had the world in my hands with
you Chéri, and I lost it!”
Janice took him by the arm and they walked slowly off
stage to the awaiting clamor of the after party.
Rex turned back and glanced again at the empty stage
where he had held Pamela in his arms.
Pamela’s heart pounded as she ran away from the au-
ditorium. Her thoughts reeled. “Where will he be? Where
should I start?” She calmed her thoughts and said a silent
prayer. “God, where shall I go?”
At that moment, she opened her car door and a note
was taped to the steering wheel. She read “Mom, Grant
says he has a serious question. I think he loves me Mom
170 __________________Gloria Graham
and I know I love him. Talk to you later.
PS Saw Jeff leaving, he said he was dreaming of Back
Bay. He looked sad Mom. Love you, you were a smash,
It hit her like a bolt from Heaven. Thank you Lord.
Back Bay, the restaurant on the ocean front. It was as if
God had given her the answer, right there and then. She
remembered the place Jeff took her that special night.
He had to be there. It was his favorite place. She held her
“I must find him. I must,” she whispered. Her heart
beat faster with anxious feelings. “Help me stay calm,
Lord.” She prayed.
It wasn’t easy, fighting all the frustrations she was feel-
ing. She had been so enthralled in finding Jeff she hadn’t
even noticed she still had on the beautiful blue chiffon
dress Rex had made for her.
Pamela felt a bit overdressed as she entered the small
oceanfront restaurant. Her eyes searched the room quickly.
She didn’t see him. When the maître d’ stepped up and
addressed her, she jumped.
“Welcome again,” he said. “Mr. Desmond is at your
table.” He motioned for her to follow him. Pamela was
overjoyed. Her heart skipped a beat as she walked behind
him toward the table.
He was sitting alone; handsome, solemn, but alone.
She motioned for the maître d’ to be silent.
Pamela slid into the booth next to Jeff. He turned in
surprise. “Pamela,” his words came slowly.
She looked at him with love in her eyes.
He stammered, “Where is Rex?”
A Memory Unchained___________ 171
“He sent me to you,” she smiled.
He pulled her close to him. “I thought I’d lost you.”
His voice cracked with emotion.
“I can’t let you go,” she said.
Jeff looked deep into her eyes.
“I want to kiss you,” he said.
“Let’s go out on the terrace,” he whispered.
She held his hand as they walked to the patio. Her heart
was filled with happiness.
The terrace overlooked the ocean and the lights of Back
Bay glistened across the bay. Jeff held back his desire to kiss
her long enough to say, “Can I be what you want? What
you are searching for, my love?”
Pamela sighed. Can I learn to like fishing?”
Jeff laughed and pulled her close. “I have to much to
learn about you, my complicated lady.”
“I love you,” she whispered.
Jeff held her face with his hands and looked full into
“You must know I met a friend of yours last Sunday?”
He said softly.
Pamela looked surprised.
“My friend. Who?” she questioned.
“I visited that little Church on the hill over there.” He
Pamela’s looked surprised.
“Who was it?” She said.
“Your God,” he said.
Pamela sighed. Her heart filled with questions.
“And what did He say to you?” she said quietly.
172 __________________Gloria Graham
“I don’t understand all the feelings I had, but I prayed
He would lead you to me to give me a chance to love
“Jeff, my love,” she whispered.
“Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got a lot to learn about Him.
But I love you. I want things to be right between us.” Jeff’s
face showed his concern.
He continued. “I have so much to be forgiven for, for
all my...” he paused, “Can you forgive me?”
“God has forgiven you, surely I can.” Pamela sighed.
“I haven’t been an angel either, can you forgive me? Will
God forgive me?”
Jeff smiled and pulled her close. He whispered into
her ear, “If you can learn to like fishing, I can surely learn
more about your God.” He smiled.
As they stood together, Jeff kissed her softly on the lips.
The still calm was suddenly disturbed by a swift breeze
billowing her blue chiffon gown, tossing her hair and lin-
gering sweetly on her cheek. Pamela froze for a moment.
She felt Tom’s presence, kissing her softly as he said
farewell my love. When she kissed Jeff again, she felt un-
chained, released, and free to love again without the feeling
of guilt. Her memories of Tom would never be forgotten,
but cherished in their proper place. She looked full into
“I love you,” she whispered.
“And I love you,” he said.
They stood embraced in each others arms while the
sound of crashing waves broke endlessly against the rocks
below. “Our love will be everlasting, like the ocean,” Pa-
“Forever,” Jeff echoed.
And God smiled.
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