FAT BASTARD’S GAS HEATS 15,000 HOMES
November 2, 2008
Chevron Corporation today announced their shocking discovery for the source
of the declining ozone layer, debunking popular myth that manufacturers and
automobiles have played a vital role in global warming.
“Fat Bastard’s ass was found to contain high levels of methane and sulphur
gases,” said Chevron’s Chairman and CEO, David O’Reilly at a news conference,
which was held in a secret location.
“Our team of research scientists was flying over Texas when their ‘Who’s
Messin’ with the Ozone Layer’ detection device went nuts,” explained Chevron
spokesperson, I. Ames Rich. Using a high-pencil-strength-steel gas pipeline,
Chevron will downstream Fat Bastard’s gas, heating 15,000 homes across the
United States. “Fat Bastard has saved Antarctica. Hell, this thing about Fat
Bastard’s ass is hugeamongous,” said President Bush taking a quick break from
eating birthday cake with Pope Benedict XVI.
Chevron has pledged two billion dollars to further develop a top-secret invention
called the ‘Fat Bastard’s Anal High-Pressure High-Volume Linear Osmosis
Conversion Valve.’

O’Reilly said Chevron is
funding this as a humanitarian
effort to save the planet. He has
been assured that Rice University
will use the funds to explore
additional uses of flatulence. Rice
University scientists are in
discussions with Texas A&M to
expand the use of this new scientific
discovery for all other gaseous
animals including bovines. L. Nicole
Ross said Rice University will
hold the patent on the anal valve.
Fat Bastard’s agent could not be reached for comment.
Chevron Corporation is one of the world’s leading integrated energy companies,
with subsidiaries that conduct business across the globe and now in Fat
Bastard’s gas.
© 2008 Austin Girl