Discussion infidelity between men and women 4_thbDocument Transcript
LANGUAGE SCHOOLFOURTH “B”Group:Llamuca DianaMorocho CarlosTapia JaimeUvidiaMyriamSKILLS EXPOSEINFIDELITYBETWEEN MENAND WOMENRecent studies reveal that 45 or 55 percent of married women and 50 to 60percent of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or anotherduring their relationship. Do these infidelity statistics seem a bit startling? Whatthese findings suggest is that approximately one-half of all married men andwomen do seek intimacy outside of their committed relationships. But whatdoes this really mean and why are the number of men and women havingextramarital affairs so high?This may come as a complete surprise, but most extramarital affairs are notabout sex. What then, is the main factor that causes infidelity? One should payattention to the reason most people find intimacy with someone outside of theirmarriage is because of their emotional needs are not being met. Yes, it is true inmost cases of infidelity and about wanting to feel emotionally connected tosomeone.One should realize that suggestions might not be particularly popular, especiallyamong men and women who are on the receiving end of the infidelity.Obviously, finding out that your spouse or partner has cheated on you isshocking and painful. Realizing that you are just another number that adds tothe infidelity statistic is not something you would like to flaunt.
According to a poll over over 1,100 women conducted by WomanSavers.com,over 62 percent of women thought that men cheat more than women. However,in a similar WomanSaver’s poll of over 850 women, only 67 percent said theywould never cheat on their partner.According to the current infidelity statistics 60 percent of men and 40 percent ofwomen are involved in extramarital affair. These figures are even more drasticwhen the total numbers of marriages are considered. Because it is less likelythat all the men and women having extramarital affairs do happen to be marriedto each other. At least half of the women having affairs are married to men arenot included in the 60 percent of men having affairs, then at least one partnerwill have an affair in about 80 percent of all marriages. With this study you cansee that many marriages are getting affected and it is unreasonable to thinkaffairs are due to the failures and shortcomings of individual husbands or wives.Leave alone the entire world, only in US, 17 percent of divorces are caused byunknown misconceptions such as infidelity. There exists even strong evidence,which proves that there is a high correlation between on-line infidelity andsubsequent real-time sexual affairs.The reality is that there are a lot of unsatisfying and empty relationships outthere, but however, the reason why infidelity statistics are as high as they are isbecause people place a higher value on their careers, children, friends orhobbies and not on their relationships with their partners. Think about it. Whenyou neglect any of these areas, it is just a matter of time before they deteriorateand ultimately lead to its untimely death. The failure in the relationship becomesimminent. The bottom line is that if you want to avoid becoming yet anothercase that adds to the infidelity statistic, then you must nurture and prioritize yourrelationship with your spouse or partner. As you may have already figured out,unlike planes, relationships cannot be maintained on “auto-pilot”.FactsFact #1: Most men are still in love with their wives when they cheat.Men who cheat havent fallen out of love; theyve become unsatisfied with thecurrent state of it. "Cheating usually occurs in the phase of companionate love,
when couples begin to settle down, have kids and solidify the life being builttogether," says clinical psychologist AndraBrosh, PhD. While theyre fulfilled insome areas, like being a provider, the romance may be missing. "We moreoften think of women complaining about a lack of romance, but men feel it, too,"says Dr. Brosh. "They frequently suffer in silence, believing they cant get whatthey want from their spouses." To avoid this in your marriage, plan nights outtogether, set aside time for sex and discuss hopes and dreams—not justworkdays and your sons last soccer game.Fact #2: Men usually cheat with women they know.Cheaters dont generally pick up random women in bars. "My first husbandcheated on me with a childhood friend," says Diane* from New York City. "Hisfamily was close to her family, so they never lost touch." Intimacy expert MaryJo Rapini explains, "A lot of women think that all cheating women are floozies—not true. The relationships are usually friendships first." A good idea: Make sureyour husband feels more connected to you than to his business partner."Spouses go to work, take care of their kids and do separate things at night.That has to stop," says Rapini. She suggests always going to bed at the sametime and cuddling.Fact #3: Men cheat to save their marriages"Men love their spouses, but they dont know how to fix their relationshipproblems, so they go outside their marriages to fill any holes," says licensedmarriage and family therapist Susan Mandel, PhD. Men want it all and have theskewed notion that another woman will make the longing for something moredisappear. Then, they can live happily ever after with their wife—and theirmistress—without confronting the real issues.Fact #4: Men hate themselves after affairs.You may think of cheaters as men without morals, but while they may like whatthey did, they tend to despise themselves after their indiscretions. "If he puts hisego to the side, hell feel like a piece of garbage," says relationship expertCharles J. Orlando, author of The Problem with Women...Is Men. "After all, hesbetraying another human being who he claims to care about, so that takes itstoll on every part of his psyche." A cheater can feel as though hes failed as aman.Fact #5: Cheaters often get friskier with their wives when affairs begin.Just because a husbands touchy-feely doesnt mean his marriage is on firmfooting. "When a man starts cheating, he becomes hyperactive sexually," saysRapini, explaining that his sex drive has been awakened, and his wife is still theone with whom he feels most comfortable sexually. If you notice a suddenchange in your husbands sex drive, it should raise a red flag. Be on the lookout
for the switch to flip off again. "After the affair is solid, he may begin to pullaway,"Fact #6: Women cheat just as much as men, and their affairs are often moredangerous.An Indiana University study shows that men and women cheat at the same rate.But "the reasons the sexes cheat are different," says Orlando. He explainswomen are more likely to cheat for emotional satisfaction. "Online cheating—without any physical contact—is the most damaging type of infidelity," saysOrlando. Becoming emotionally invested in another person means youve likelychecked out of your marriage. But if its just sex, its less about attachment andmore about a hurtful mistake.Fact #7: A wife often knows her husbands cheating.How could Tiger Woodss ex, ElinNordegren, and Arnold Schwarzeneggers ex,Maria Shriver, not have known what their high-profile husbands were up to?They probably did, but couldnt bear to acknowledge it. "At one level, I knew, butmy denial was so strong," says Lily* from Toronto, Canada. "The pain, had Iaccepted it at that time, would have been too horrendous, so I had to process itslowly." According to Dr. Brosh, the jilted celebrities were likely doing the samething: choosing what they could live with for the sake of their kids or to avoidhumiliation and the fallout.Fact #8: A couple will never work it out when the husband is in the midst of anaffair.They could agree to work on things, but it wont matter. If hes still in the throesof a hot, new romance, nothing a woman does will drag him out of it. "Hes gotsuch positivity happening, without all the drama that exists in the establishedrelationship," says Orlando. The marriage will likely fail, unless he decides onhis own accord that life isnt better with the other woman. So the key isprevention. Continue to be the woman he first fell for throughout your marriage."Women often turn from a loving girlfriend into a nagging wife. Men arentattracted to that." Dole out compliments and surprise him with sex—dont justyell at him about that towel on the bathroom floor, suggests Dr. Mandel.Fact #9: Affairs can sometimes fix a marriage.Is infidelity the kiss of death for a couple? Not always. Although a newrelationship is exciting, "an affair can rekindle the marriage," says Orlando."Men realize who they want for the rest of their lives and that the newrelationship isnt as perfect as they thought." But think hard before returning to acheater. "Flings can highlight how little self-control someone has," explainsOrlando. Still, if it was truly a one-time slip, its possible to get back on track.
Fact #10: Even after rebuilding the marriage, a husband may still miss the affair.Sadly, he might love his wife and want to salvage the marriage, but he doesnttotally forget about the affair. "He might miss the great things about the otherwoman—fun, zero responsibilities, sex, the rush or the chase—but oftentimeshe misses how he feels about himself when he was with her, which is moredamaging if hes trying to return to his marriage," says Orlando. Again, acting asyou did when the relationship was new could help.Fact #11: A cheater knows hes hurting the woman he loves, tearing his familyapart and sacrificing his honor.A man may realize the negative impact on his wife, family and himself, but stillcontinue an affair. How? "Its all in the perception of the cheater," says Orlando."If he feels unwanted, undervalued and taken for granted, his personal needs ofbeing wanted, valued and appreciated will win out."Fact #12: The wifes not to blame if her husband cheats on her.Realize this: If your husband is unfaithful, its not your fault, no matter whatpeople say. "When a man cheats, hes making a conscious choice to do it,"says Dr. Brosh. "The idea of being pushed into the arms of another woman isan expression, not a reality." Orlando echoes this sentiment: "Men dont cheatbecause of who she is; they cheat because of who theyre not," he says. "Thefault is that the signs of disconnection have been ignored by both parties."