What is CSEFEL?
The Center on the Social and Emotional
Foundations for Early Learning
A Federally Funded Center Focused on Improving the Social Emotional
Outcomes of Children Birth to Age Five.
University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
University of Colorado at Denver
University of South Florida
ZERO to THREE
Georgetown Center for Child and Human Development
What are Positive Behavior
• A child’s social and
is closely tied to the
• Social and emotional
• Positive alternatives to
spanking and “no!”
• Can you Discipline a child you don’t
have a positive relationship with?
“Every child needs one person
who is crazy about him.”
Building Positive Relationships with
• LOVE is the fuel
that helps their
How Might Children Communicate
They are “Running on Empty!”
• What else?
Catch Your Child Being Good!
• Give specific, positive attention to your
child for the behavior that you want to
see, and teach your child what to do!
“Wow! You are being so
careful keeping all the
pieces on the table!”
Parent Behavior Is
• Do As I Say, Not As I Do” does not work
• Short phrases are key—two sentences or
less—even things like “Stay on task” or
• Brain reacts to positive statements
• Lengthy arguments muddy the waters
Say the DO instead of the Don’t
• Stop yelling!
• Don’t throw your
• Stop bothering your
• Cut it out.
• Use your inside
• Your toys go here or
you need a ball
• Use kind words
• Try to use kind
words and hands
Ways to Give Children Encouragement
• “Thank you for __________.”
• “What a good problem solver you are, you were
• “It’s so much fun to play with you; you are so
good at ________.” (sharing, taking turns)
• “You were being so kind when you ________.”
• “Thank you for using your inside voice when
your sister was sleeping.”
Have parents fill the relationship
List 5 things that you will
try to do in the next
week to “fill/refill” your
child’s relationship tank.
Things that will make
your child feel really
special! Things that will
help build a positive
relationship with your
• Children respond better to adults who take a personal
interest in them.
• Develop positive relationships are critical for learning
• Make sure the ratio between positive and negative
experiences for students is about 5 positives for every
Make Your “Expectations” Clear
• Tell your child what to do instead of what not
• Clearly and simply state what you expect your
child to do.
• Have age-appropriate expectations.
• Use age-appropriate language. Young
children have difficulty with contractions (two
words that are combined to form one, such as
“don’t” and “can’t”).
Common Mistakes: Time-Out
• Angrily threatening time-out
– Gives child the attention he/she is wanting
• Allowing other children to tease the child who is
– Gives the child attention
• Applying time-out long after the behavior has
– Time-out is only effective when immediately
• Scolding your child when putting him/her in or out
– Time-out only works when it is time away from
• Young children often do NOT
understand contractions like “don’t”
• Young children tend to hear the last
word so in “don’t run” they hear….RUN!
• Telling them what not to do doesn’t
teach them what TO DO!
Tips for Encouraging Your Child
Powerful Parenting Practice!
• Tip 1
• Tip 2
• Tip 3
• Tip 4
• Tip 5
• Tip 6
Get your child’s attention.
Use behavior specific language.
Keep it simple—avoid combining
encouragement with criticism.
Encourage with enthusiasm.
Double the impact with physical
Use positive comments and
encouragement with your child
in front of others.
Things to Try at Home
Making the Connection!
Positive Parenting Tips
• Try to fill/refill your child’s relationship
• Try to use positive comments and
encouragement with your child
• Have fun together!
Setting The Stage for Success!
Try to anticipate problems
Stay near your child
Support your child
Encourage your child
• Try to anticipate what your child may do
or may need in various situations. Plan
ahead to set your child up for a
successful experience. Hope for the
best, but always have a backup plan!
• When a child’s behavior is
challenging, you can either respond
to it or ignore it. If reaction is
necessary, remember that less is
Controlling Anger and Impulse
How can we help our
• recognize anger in
• learn how to calm
appropriate ways to
Go into shell.
Take 3 deep
and think of
Takes Time to
Tuck and Think
A scripted story to assist with teaching the
By Rochelle Lentini
Created using pictures from Microsoft Clipart® and Webster-Stratton, C. (1991). The teachers and children videotape series: Dina dinosaur school.
Seattle, WA: The Incredible Years.
Tucker Turtle is a terrific turtle. He likes to play with his friends at
Wet Lake School.
But sometimes things happen that can make Tucker really mad.
When Tucker got mad, he used to hit, kick, or yell at his friends. His
friends would get mad or upset when he hit, kicked, or yelled at
Tucker now knows a new way to “think like a turtle” when he
He can stop and keep his hands, body, and yelling to himself!
He can tuck inside his shell and take 3 deep breaths to calm
Tucker’s friends are happy when he plays nicely and keeps his body
to himself. Friends also like it when Tucker uses nice words or has
a teacher help him when he is upset.
Use of Songs and Games
• If you are happy and you know it…add
new verses to teach feelings
– If you’re sad and you know it, tuck and think
– If you’re mad and you know it, use your words
– If you’re scared and you know it ask for help,
– If you’re happy and you know it, hug a friend
– If you’re tired and you know it, give a yawn.
Play: How Would You Feel If?
• Discuss typical situations that happen when
children are together: “How would you feel if this
happened to you?”
– Example: Jeremy wanted to play ball with
Katie and Wu-ying today, but they wouldn’t let
him. How do you think that made him feel?
How do you think you would feel if that
happened to you? What could
Jeremy try next time?
Using Pictures to Teach Rules
• Get out your camera
• Snap a photograph of what you want
your child “to do”
• Post it, model it, practice it, and notice
when it’s done and praise it!
• If your rule is “clean up”…show him/her
• What if your sister hit you? How would you feel?
What could you do?
• What if you wrote on Mommy’s bedroom wall with a
marker? How would you feel? How do you think
Mommy would feel? What could you do?
• What if you knocked over your friend’s tower at
school? How would you feel? How do you think your
friend would feel? What could you do?
• What if you and your sister wanted to watch
something different on the television? What could you
• What if someone at school was teasing you and
calling you names. How would you feel? What could
Problem-Solving Games (cont.)
• What if it was bedtime and you wanted hear one
more book? What could you do?
• What if Daddy sent you to time-out for hitting your
brother? How would you feel? How do you think your
brother would feel? How do you think Daddy would
feel? What could you do?
• What if you really wanted a toy at the toy store but
Mommy said you could not have it? How would you
feel? What could you do?
• What if you really wanted to play with your sister and
her friends, but they said, “No”? How would you feel?
What could you do?
A particular slide catching your eye?
Clipping is a handy way to collect important slides you want to go back to later.