Resolving conflict in the workplace merriman

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  • 1. www.paxunited.org RESOLVING CONFLICT IN THE WORKPLACE TIPSS LEADERSHIP SUMMIT AUSTIN, TX TUESDAY, JANUARY 24, 2012 Darby Merriman, Director of Training & Development CONFLICT IS A NATURAL PART OF EVERY HUMAN INSTITUTION: AGENCIES ORGANIZATIONS FAMILIES ITS IMPACT EFFECTS EVERY MEMBER OF THE INSTITUTION. Conflict Facts  Conflict is a natural part of life.  Conflict can be handled in positive or negative ways.  Conflict must be present for growth and change.  Conflict can result in creation or destruction.(800) 650-5247 1
  • 2. www.paxunited.org Is conflict positive or negative? NEITHER!!! It is how conflict is handled that makes it positive or negative, constructive or destructive Basis of Conflict 1. Data 2. Structure 3. Interest 4. Relationships 4 p 5. Values Data  Lack of information  Misinformation  Rumor and Gossip  Interpretation p(800) 650-5247 2
  • 3. www.paxunited.org Structure  Chain of command  Access to Resources  Power  Barriers  Time Interest  Property  Territory y  Wants Relationships  Perception of relationship  Change in relationship  Behavior toward each other(800) 650-5247 3
  • 4. www.paxunited.org Values  Ideology (political, religious, etc.)  Goals  Lifestyles  Culture Group Discussion  Discuss conflicts that you have witnessed  What were they about?  How did the people involved respond? p p p  What was the result/impact on the individuals involved and others? The Beginning of Conflict…  Poor communication  Seeking power  Dissatisfaction with management style  Weak leadership p  Lack of openness  Change in leadership Source: http://www.nsba.org(800) 650-5247 4
  • 5. www.paxunited.org Conflict Indicators  Body language  Disagreements, regardless of issue  Withholding bad news  Surprises  Strong public statements  Airing disagreements through media  Conflicts in value system  Desire for power  Increasing lack of respect  Open disagreement  Lack of candor on budget problems or other sensitive issues  Lack of clear goals  No discussion of progress, failure relative to goals, failure to evaluate the superintendent fairly, thoroughly or at all. Source: http://www.nsba.org 5 Most Common Types of Workplace Conflicts 1. Interdependence Conflicts. A person relies on someone elses co-operation, output or input in order for them to get their job done. 2. Differences in Style. Peoples preferred way for completing a job can differ. For example, one person may j y just want to g the work done q get quickly ( y (task oriented), while another is more concerned about making sure that everyone has a say in how the work gets done (people oriented). 3. Differences in Background/Gender. Conflicts can arise between people because of differences in educational backgrounds, personal experiences, ethnic heritage, gender and political preferences. Source: http://www.leadership-and-motivation-training.com 5 Most Common Types of Workplace Conflicts 4. Differences in Leadership. Leaders have different styles. Employees who change from one leader to another can become confused and irritated by the different leadership styles. 5. Personality Clashes. These types of conflict in the workplace are often fueled by emotion and perceptions about somebody elses motives and character. Source: http://www.leadership-and-motivation-training.com(800) 650-5247 5
  • 6. www.paxunited.org How Do We React to Conflict?  FLIGHT - Avoidance/denial  FIGHT - Competition/aggressive confrontation  FLOW – Problem-solving Methods of Dealing with Conflict 1. Competing (Either you or me) 2. Accommodating (Always you not me) 3. Avoiding (It isn’t there or it’s not so bad) 4 4. Compromising (I give some y g p g( g you give some)) 5. Collaborating (We both get what we need) Conflict DESTRUCTIVE CONSTRUCTIVE  Negative response  Positive response  Combative,  Collaborative, threatening supportive ti  Declining  Improved organizational organizational Health Health(800) 650-5247 6
  • 7. www.paxunited.org Results of Conflict  Destructive:  Polarizes  Escalates Problem  Hinders Change  Personal attacks  Constructive:  Establishes Trust  Clarifies Issues and Direction  Promotes co-operation Passive Aggressive Response  Gossiping  Sabotage  Non-supportive  Attack someone else to retaliate Types of Disputes  Family members  Roommates  Neighbors  Friends  Couples  Teacher/Student  Landlord/Tenant  Consumer/Merchant  Employer/Employee(800) 650-5247 7
  • 8. www.paxunited.org Mediation  Mediation uses a neutral third party to facilitate a process allowing the disputants themselves to resolve their conflict and collaborate on mutually acceptable ll b ll bl solutions HOW A CONFLICT GETS TO MEDIATION An REFERRAL argument Is seen. A referral form is filled out and put into the referral box. Invitation Both disputants are asked to come to mediation. If they agree, Agreement An agreement the mediation form is written is held. up and signed. Role of Mediator 1. Facilitates Process 2. Empowers Disputants 3. Equalizes Power 4 4. Maintains Neutralityy 5. Maintains Confidentiality 6. Remains Non-Judgmental(800) 650-5247 8
  • 9. www.paxunited.org Mediation Process  Preliminary Arrangements  Introductory Statement  Initial Statement  Issue and Problem Clarification  Assessing Needs  Generating Options  Agreement Writing  Closure  Post Mediation The Agreement  Specific and realistic: Who/What/When/Where/How  Positive and future oriented  Objective  Non-judgmental, no implication of guilt  Signed by all Mediation  It’s a simple, logical, step by step process.  But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.  As with any other skill set, it takes knowledge and practice.(800) 650-5247 9
  • 10. www.paxunited.org Basic Principles  Win-win  Desire to solve the problem  Cooperation  Openness and honesty  Voluntary  Focus on needs  Focus on future  Focus on positive  Non-judgmental Benefits of Mediation  Affordable ($0.00-few hundred $)  Timely (within days not months)  Convenient (at your convenience)  Understandable (no legal jargon)  Pri ate (confidential not open to public) Private  Effective (85% or more resolve)  Satisfying (resolution created by disputants) One-on-One Process MEDIATION CAN BE USED TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS ONE ON ONE(800) 650-5247 10
  • 11. www.paxunited.org One-on-One Process 1. Introductory Statement “There seems to be a problem between us. Do y p you want to see if we can work this out?” One-on-One Process 2. Initial Statement “Tell me what this is about.” Restate “May I tell you where I’m coming from?” One-on-One 3. Issue and Problem Clarification “So basically what the issue/s is/are…?”(800) 650-5247 11
  • 12. www.paxunited.org One-on-One 4 & 5 Assessing Needs and Generating Options “What is it that you need from me? “I would be willing to…” g “What I need from you is…” “ Would you be willing to?…” One-on-One 6. Reaching Agreement “Do we Agree then that I will… and you will…?” y One-on-One 7. Closure “Thanks for working this out with me. I appreciate…”(800) 650-5247 12
  • 13. www.paxunited.org I-Statements Purpose of I-Statements:  To honor our feelings and values without putting another person down  To convey information about our feelings without blaming the other person  To say how we feel about someone’s actions in a way that keeps communication going Using I-Statements o To make a clear statement of your experience of an event in a non-threatening way that allows the listener to hear with out the need to defend. o To use in the following situations:  When you want to tell people, in a safe way, how their behavior is affecting you  When you have a strong emotional feeling or response  When you are annoyed or irritated by another person or something that has happened Principle 1: A listener will be much more open to really listening if we send feelings or perceptions instead of solutions. For Example:  Statement: “Do not ever take my pen again”  Message: “You are a thief and I do not trust you”  I-Statement: “I feel angry when you borrow my pen without asking”(800) 650-5247 13
  • 14. www.paxunited.org Principle 2: Acknowledging feelings or perceptions as belonging to you. Blaming, evaluating, or judging sets up a wall of anger and defensiveness For Example:  Statement: “You are selfish”  I-Statement: “I feel annoyed when you borrow my things without asking” Principle 3: Be open or direct with these feelings or perceptions. Instead of addressing the issue head on, we often avoid the direct approach, and say one thing while implying another.  Using avoidance leads to isolation or attack/ confrontation and can create more CONFLICT!!! Format of I-Statements  WHEN (neutral description of action)  I FEEL (statement of feeling without blame)  BECAUSE (statement of negative consequences forseen)  AND WHAT I WOULD LIKE IS (statement of desired outcome)(800) 650-5247 14
  • 15. www.paxunited.org Final Thoughts About I-Statements…  There are no expectations. You can not control the behavior of others. You can only control your own behavior.  You can express how you would like something to change, b t you can not d h but t demand th t it h d that happen. We want our kids to be successful… Protective/Resiliency Factors  A relationship with a caring adult role model  Having an opportunity to contribute and be seen as a resource  Effectiveness in work, play, and relationships p y p  Healthy expectations and positive outlook  Self-esteem and internal locus-of-control  Self-discipline  Problem solving/critical thinking skills  A sense of humor This is universal…to achieve success in the workplace, it is important for people in the workforce to have these same skills and opportunities! The Teachable Moment  We may feel uncertain about how to handle conflict  We may respond in ways that don’t make the best use of the moment  We may end up promoting rather than reducing conflict paxUnited® 1(800)-650-5247(800) 650-5247 15
  • 16. www.paxunited.org The Bottom Line IF YOU ARE A GOOD COMMUNICATOR AND MODEL GOOD PROBLEM SOLVING AND COMMUNICATION SKILLS TO YOUR STAFF…BOTH YOU AND YOUR ORGANIZATION HAVE A GREATER CHANCE FOR SUCCESS! Contact Information Darby Merriman, ACPS Director of Training & Development 2155 Chenault Drive, Suite 410 Carrollton, TX 75006 800.650.5247 (v) 972.671.9550 (f) 972.671.9549 darby.merriman@paxunited.org www.paxUnited.org www.twitter.com/paxunited www.facebook.com/paxunited(800) 650-5247 16