Leadership systems that
create powerful companies
A Brain-based Approach to
Understanding Conflict Styles
Inform Canada Co...
About the Speaker
 Personality & behavioural change
expert with over 20 years’ experience working
with individuals, coupl...
About the Session
 Just when you are having a great day, someone
calls and presses that “button” that changes
everything....
Why We Call Them “Difficult Clients”
 Tendency to blame others when they press our
buttons
 We say we are getting our “b...
What is Self Awareness?
 The ability to perceive and understand our own
emotions and the behavior that flows predictably
...
It is Normal to React
 Some people’s behavior elicits emotional reactions
 Can shift us from objective responses to emot...
What “Button” Get’s Pressed?
 There is an actual “button” that gets pressed in our
emotional brain. It is called the amyg...
NEOCORTEX
The ‘Thinking’ Brain
Left Right
Words Creativity
Patterns
Sequences Imagination
Analysis Whole picture
LIMBIC BR...
The Amygdala – Our Danger Detector
Self-Protective behavior is initiated in the
emotional brain when the Amygdala is
activ...
Self-Actualizing vs. Self-Protective
 During conflict or stress, the amygdala is used to
guide how we react more than the...
Switching to Our Self-Protective System
 When downshifting,When downshifting,
full usefull use
of the rational brainof th...
Are We Really Being Attacked?
 We protect ourselves when weWe protect ourselves when we
feelfeel we are under attackwe ar...
Personality Dictates Style
 Not everyone behaves the same when they are
feeling threatened
 How we react is largely base...
What are Striving Styles?
 Striving Styles™ are personality styles that
determine our behavior
 Organized around getting...
Self-Protective Behaviors
 Each Striving Style has a group of self-protective
behaviors that gets activated when their bu...
AVOID
(Visionary, Intellectual)
ACQUIESCER
(Artist, Socializer)
AUTOCRAT
(Leader, Stabilizer)
ATTACKER
(Performer, Adventu...
Driving Style – Autocrat
High Assertive, Low Responsive
LEADER STYLELEADER STYLE
Need to be in ControlNeed to be in Contro...
Avoidance Style – Analytical
Low Assertive, Low Responsive
VISIONARY STYLEVISIONARY STYLE
Need to be PerceptiveNeed to be ...
Amiable Style – Acquiescer
Low Assertive, High Responsive
SOCIALIZER STYLESOCIALIZER STYLE
Need to be ConnectedNeed to be ...
Expressive Style – Attacker
High Assertive, High Responsive
PERFORMER STYLEPERFORMER STYLE
Need to be RecognizedNeed to be...
Building Self-Awareness
 Self-Protective behaviour as opposed to Self-Self-Protective behaviour as opposed to Self-
Actua...
Self-Actualizing Tips
 Practice of Mindfulness – Developing an observing
self
 Personality Assessment – Striving Styles™...
Our Approach
 Striving Styles Personality System is a neuro-
psychological framework for development,
behavioural change ...
Leadership systems that
create powerful companies
Contact us
We offer a range of services – organizational, leadership &
t...
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A Brain-based Approach to Understanding Conflict Styles: and why we react the way we do during stress

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In this presentation at the 2010 Inform Canada Conference, Behavioral Change Expert Nancy Dranitsaris explains what happens in the brain during stress and how our brain is wired to react based on our Striving Style.

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  • Whats happening in the brain?
    Explore 3 parts and their roles
    Activity to ilustrate RH LH brain (IKEA cupboard) Do as continuum
    Feeling brain and seeing a snake story.
    (Or Ships example)
    Use stress as an example. Use flip to show relationship between Thinking and Feeling and Survival. Add test tube visuals
    Use story of being followed
    Then equate this to a pupils journey to school
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  • A Brain-based Approach to Understanding Conflict Styles: and why we react the way we do during stress

    1. 1. Leadership systems that create powerful companies A Brain-based Approach to Understanding Conflict Styles Inform Canada Conference September 27, 2010 Facilitated by Nancy Dranitsaris, BA, RIHR
    2. 2. About the Speaker  Personality & behavioural change expert with over 20 years’ experience working with individuals, couples, teams, leaders and organizations to eliminate dysfunction and maximize potential  Consultant, Caliber Leadership Systems offering an holistic, systems-based approach to leadership & organizational development and behavioural change  Practitioner & Trainer, Striving Styles® Personality System, a neuro- psychological framework for development & behavioural change  Leadership Coach helping leaders & entrepreneurs achieve their potential
    3. 3. About the Session  Just when you are having a great day, someone calls and presses that “button” that changes everything.  Why does this happen and what can you do to prevent and manage your responses?  Knowing what your buttons are and in what situations they are most likely to happen helps you to recognize how you behave when they get pressed, so that you can shift your behavior back.  Knowing your Striving Style can help you understand the self-protective behaviors that are ignited when dealing with difficult calls.
    4. 4. Why We Call Them “Difficult Clients”  Tendency to blame others when they press our buttons  We say we are getting our “buttons” pressed because we are taking things personally  Training is focused on sorting people into groups that we can then deal with them in a specific way. i.e. Bulldozer, Sniper, Know-it-all  Don’t always look to ourselves to understand our own reactions – to be self-aware  Need to look at the mechanics of what is happening in us that causes us to change our behavior
    5. 5. What is Self Awareness?  The ability to perceive and understand our own emotions and the behavior that flows predictably from them  The awareness of the self as separate from the thoughts that are occurring at any point in time – observing self  Self-awareness gives one the option or choice to choose thoughts and respond to the situation rather than simply thinking the thoughts that are stimulated from events and reacting emotionally
    6. 6. It is Normal to React  Some people’s behavior elicits emotional reactions  Can shift us from objective responses to emotional reactions  Understanding how this works and behaviors associated with emotional reactions can help us stay neutral  To do this, we need to understand how the brain “downshifts” when we have our buttons pressed  Make choices to respond differently
    7. 7. What “Button” Get’s Pressed?  There is an actual “button” that gets pressed in our emotional brain. It is called the amygdala  This causes us to shift from self-actualizing to self- protective behavior  Our reaction is no longer logical, it is emotional  We are less able to deal with the client skillfully
    8. 8. NEOCORTEX The ‘Thinking’ Brain Left Right Words Creativity Patterns Sequences Imagination Analysis Whole picture LIMBIC BRAIN The ‘Feeling’ Brain 1. Five senses 2. Emotional Memory 3. Context REPTILIAN BRAIN The ‘Survival’ Brain • Basic body systems • Desire to avoid harm Our Triune Brain
    9. 9. The Amygdala – Our Danger Detector Self-Protective behavior is initiated in the emotional brain when the Amygdala is activated It has a critical ‘gate keeping’ role determining ‘friend or foe’ It assesses for ‘emotional salience’ - the ‘danger detector’ – triggers the stress and ‘fight or flight’ responses
    10. 10. Self-Actualizing vs. Self-Protective  During conflict or stress, the amygdala is used to guide how we react more than the rational brain  Easier to react as it takes less immediate effort on our brain’s part  Surviving is instinctive, automatic and based on the perception of threat  We are more reactive when tired, sick or when our buttons are pushed  Our brain “downshifts” from our Self-Actualizing System to our Self-Protective System
    11. 11. Switching to Our Self-Protective System  When downshifting,When downshifting, full usefull use of the rational brainof the rational brain is suspended andis suspended and more control is givenmore control is given toto our lowerour lower brainsbrains  We react usingWe react using emotional reasoning,emotional reasoning, protecting ourselvesprotecting ourselves from perceivedfrom perceived threatsthreats
    12. 12. Are We Really Being Attacked?  We protect ourselves when weWe protect ourselves when we feelfeel we are under attackwe are under attack  It is normal and natural for us toIt is normal and natural for us to become defensive when thebecome defensive when the attack is realattack is real  However, there are times whenHowever, there are times when we are defensive when there iswe are defensive when there is no direct attackno direct attack  We are defensive because weWe are defensive because we feel attacked and respond asfeel attacked and respond as though it is realthough it is real
    13. 13. Personality Dictates Style  Not everyone behaves the same when they are feeling threatened  How we react is largely based on our Personality or Striving Style  When handling difficult calls, the other person inadvertently frustrates our predominant need  Although we may be using all of our skills, once we downshift, we adopt the self-protective behaviors of our Striving Style  These behaviors are predictable and easily recognized
    14. 14. What are Striving Styles?  Striving Styles™ are personality styles that determine our behavior  Organized around getting a predominant need met  Eight distinct striving styles  Physiological, hard-wired in the brain  Are most likely to be happiest, healthiest and able to achieve our potential when meeting our need  Most likely to shift to self-protective behaviors when that need is frustrated
    15. 15. Self-Protective Behaviors  Each Striving Style has a group of self-protective behaviors that gets activated when their button is pressed  Based on two scales  Assertiveness – How much energy is going into asserting their position, ideas, emotions  Responsiveness – How much energy is going into responding to the other persons position, ideas, emotions  Four distinct response patterns
    16. 16. AVOID (Visionary, Intellectual) ACQUIESCER (Artist, Socializer) AUTOCRAT (Leader, Stabilizer) ATTACKER (Performer, Adventurer) EMOTE ASK TELL CONTROL Low HighAssertiveness High Responsiveness Low Striving Styles - Self-Protective Behavior
    17. 17. Driving Style – Autocrat High Assertive, Low Responsive LEADER STYLELEADER STYLE Need to be in ControlNeed to be in Control STABILIZER STYLESTABILIZER STYLE Need to be SecureNeed to be Secure  When these people can’t getWhen these people can’t get their need met they:their need met they:  Try to get back in controlTry to get back in control with facts, logic, andwith facts, logic, and reasonreason  Repeat the same thingRepeat the same thing over and over againover and over again  Become aggressive,Become aggressive, autocraticautocratic  Take an opposing positionTake an opposing position  Unable to hear the otherUnable to hear the other personperson
    18. 18. Avoidance Style – Analytical Low Assertive, Low Responsive VISIONARY STYLEVISIONARY STYLE Need to be PerceptiveNeed to be Perceptive INTELLECTUAL STYLEINTELLECTUAL STYLE Need to be KnowledgeableNeed to be Knowledgeable  When these people can’t getWhen these people can’t get their need met they:their need met they:  Become more impersonalBecome more impersonal and objectiveand objective  Withdraw and try to getWithdraw and try to get awayaway  Take a position ofTake a position of intellectual superiorityintellectual superiority  Passive aggressivePassive aggressive behavior – say they will dobehavior – say they will do something then don’tsomething then don’t  Change the subjectChange the subject
    19. 19. Amiable Style – Acquiescer Low Assertive, High Responsive SOCIALIZER STYLESOCIALIZER STYLE Need to be ConnectedNeed to be Connected ARTIST STYLEARTIST STYLE Need to be CreativeNeed to be Creative  When these people can’t getWhen these people can’t get their need met they:their need met they:  Take others behaviorTake others behavior personallypersonally  Make value judgments –Make value judgments – feel the person is rude,feel the person is rude, ungrateful, etc.ungrateful, etc.  Feel victimized, martyred,Feel victimized, martyred, use guilt or shameuse guilt or shame  Try harder to help despiteTry harder to help despite how they feelhow they feel  Withhold helpWithhold help
    20. 20. Expressive Style – Attacker High Assertive, High Responsive PERFORMER STYLEPERFORMER STYLE Need to be RecognizedNeed to be Recognized ADVENTURER STYLEADVENTURER STYLE Need to be SpontaneousNeed to be Spontaneous  When these people can’t getWhen these people can’t get their need met they:their need met they:  Overpromise and notOverpromise and not deliverdeliver  Become argumentativeBecome argumentative  Express both emotions andExpress both emotions and opinions without regard foropinions without regard for impact on othersimpact on others  Try to manipulateTry to manipulate emotions of othersemotions of others  Talk more, listen lessTalk more, listen less
    21. 21. Building Self-Awareness  Self-Protective behaviour as opposed to Self-Self-Protective behaviour as opposed to Self- Actualizing behaviour indicates that your buttonActualizing behaviour indicates that your button has been pressedhas been pressed  Our challenge is:Our challenge is:  to know when we are in our Self-Protective Styleto know when we are in our Self-Protective Style  to know when others are in theirs and not reactto know when others are in theirs and not react to itto it  to accept it as normal and naturalto accept it as normal and natural  to keep from making it habitualto keep from making it habitual  to work to minimize itto work to minimize it  to keep from triggering this behaviorto keep from triggering this behavior in othersin others
    22. 22. Self-Actualizing Tips  Practice of Mindfulness – Developing an observing self  Personality Assessment – Striving Styles™  Get feedback from others – friends, peers, loved ones  Learn to accept what you do and do not have control over  Learn techniques for de-personalization  Develop awareness of what triggers you to “downshift” – words, tones, etc. Learn to recognize when its happening so you can bring yourself out of it
    23. 23. Our Approach  Striving Styles Personality System is a neuro- psychological framework for development, behavioural change and achieving potential  Can be integrated into any development program  Audit existing programs to ensure design & delivery reflect personality, emotions and how the brain learns  Facilitate organizational change, eliminate dysfunction and disengagement  Build expertise of anyone involved in training, development & behavioural change by becoming a Practitioner Evo lutio n o f Jung’ s Psycho logicalType & the MBTI®
    24. 24. Leadership systems that create powerful companies Contact us We offer a range of services – organizational, leadership & team development, succession, performance & rewards, cultural change & coaching We offer a Practitioner Program for anyone interested in using the SSPS in their L&D programs. www.CaliberLeadership.com 416.406.3939 ndranitsaris@caliberleadership.com

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