Who owns my anger? External locus of control vs. Internal. Can also talk here about internal and external locus of control – with an external locus of control, people tend to do more blaming, shaming and complaining because they are constantly blaming their circumstances on other people or outside circumstances. With an internal locus of control, people tend to have more of a sense that they can determine better outcomes and so they respond differently to “negative” situations.The truth is – NOBODY owns your anger but you. It is an emotion and only belongs to the person experiencing it. Trying to blame your anger on others may feel good in the moment but it isn’t really an authentic way to approach your emotions. When you own it, you are responsible for it. If you’re responsible for it, that means that you can choose how to express and resolve it.
If you approach work with a negative or pessimistic attitude, it will reflect itself in the opinions you express and the way you communicate with others at work. That attitude and your opinions will reflect themselves in the choices you make and the responses you choose. Each response you choose will have some sort of outcome. If the outcome is in your mind, positive – that is, it reinforces your opinions, you will continue to think and behave in similar ways. If the outcome is negative, it will only serve to confirm your attitude that things are bad. The solution then is to make a shift in your attitude. One of the ways we facilitate attitude shifts with Anger Solutions is by asking POWER QUESTIONS. Power questions pre-suppose a positive outcome. In other words they assume that the positive outcome is a given – the questions then are framed in such a way that the person being asked the question has no option but to arrive at that positive outcome. E.g. How can you make dealing with difficult customers a rewarding experience for both you and the customer? Here’s a scenario of a negative situation that might occur in the workplace. Let’s see if we can come up with some POWER QUESTIONS to help us deal with this scenario more positively. Can also explore how the e+r=o equation plays out in this scenario.
Not all teams make it to the Performing phase, which is essentially an era of high performance. Performing teams are identified by high levels if independence, motivation, knowledge and competence. Decision making is collaborative and dissent is expected and encouraged as there will be a high level of respect in the communication between team members.
Use some ZAPP principles here.
Anger solutions @ work putting as philosophy into practice
Putting Anger SolutionsPhilosophy into Practicein the Workplace
WHY WE NEED ANGER SOLUTIONS “Organizations lose 8 weeks per year of employeetime due to poor communication, which can anddoes lead to: Conflict, workplace negativity and stress Staff turnover Lower productivity Poor customer service relationships
WORK IN GROUPS! If negativity is aweed, what makes itgrow? “There are no badpeople; only badsystems.” ~ StephenCovey
CONFLICT IS… The belief that ifyou get what youwant, I can’t getwhat I wantBelief is the basisof action, whichdetermines youroutcomes!
EXERCISE… How can we “re-frame” conflict so that it hasa positive connotation?
REVIEW - HOW ANGER AND CONFLICTDEVELOP: Expectation Experience Frustration!!!
THE TSA MODEL FOREFFECTIVECOMMUNICATION… T: Think – what ishappening? What doesthis mean to me? Howshould I respond? S: Say – Ifeel/need/think/want…because… A: Ask – for feedback.“How do you feel aboutwhat I’ve just said?”
AND FOR SUPERVISORS… Ask: What is your opinion? How do you seethings progressing? Do you have anyconcerns? Say: This is what I have observed andthese behaviours communicate… Continue: Giving ongoing feedback ~ don’twait 1 year until next evaluation! Provide Feedback on BEHAVIOUR – notPERSONALITY! More on this later…
TAKE RESPONSE-ABILITY!E+R=OEvent + Response = Outcome“It is not your conditions but your decisions that determineyour outcomes.”~ Tony Robbins
STRATEGY #1 “STATE YOUR PROBLEM” Understand that helping others meet their needscan help you meet your needs Allow the other party to state his/her problem Good relationships are the first priority. Work to build mutual respect
STRATEGY #2LISTEN: USE EMPATHY “I hear what you’resaying” “I can understand whyyou’re upset” Avoid using “you”statements Believe in innocence Engage yourself fully Use active listeningskills Stay focused(centered) Listen 1st: Talk 2nd
STRATEGY #3LOOK FOR COMMON GROUND Establish the “facts” of the case Explore options together Eliminate the ones that just don’t fit Be open to other ideas Work towards that which is mutually acceptable
STRATEGY #4SEPARATE THE PERSON FROM THE PROBLEM Request changes in behaviour only Practice: Change these statements address the problemrather than the person. (ASC) “You’re not interested in serving them/you don’t care.” “You are the reason we are not making our stats …” “You’re more interested in your personal calls than our clients…”
TIME FOR SELF-EVALUATION! What are your greatest challenges? What are your current strategies? What is working? What is not working? What is the worst thing that couldhappen if you try something new? What is the best thing that couldhappen? What options are available to you?
WHAT ARE YOUR CLIENTS’ GREATESTCHALLENGES? How can you – as an individual – help your clientsmost effectively? How can you work together as a TEAM to help yourclients overcome their challenges? What have been the KEYS to your success thusfar?
HOW COULD ANGER AFFECT MYWORKPLACE?AttitudeOpinionsChoicesResponsesOutcomes
STAGES OF TEAM DEVELOPMENT:FORMING The team is assembled and the task is allocated. Team members tend to behave independently andalthough goodwill may exist they do not know eachother well enough to unconditionally trust oneanother. Time is spent planning, collecting information andbonding.
STAGES OF TEAM DEVELOPMENT: STORMING The team starts to address the task suggesting ideas. Different ideas may compete for ascendancy and ifbadly managed this phase can be very destructive forthe team. Relationships between team members will be made orbroken in this phase and some may never recover. In extreme cases the team can become stuck in theStorming phase. If a team is too focused on consensus they may decideon a plan which is less effective in completing the taskfor the sake of the team. This carries its own set of problems. It is essential that ateam has strong facilitative leadership in this phase.
STAGES OF TEAM DEVELOPMENT:NORMING Moving towards harmonious working practiceswith teams agreeing on the rules and values bywhich they operate. Ideally teams begin to trust themselves during thisphase as they accept the vital contribution of eachmember to the team. Team leaders step back from the team at thisstage as individual members take greaterresponsibility. The risk during the Norming stage is that the teambecomes complacent and loses either theircreative edge or the drive that brought them tothis phase.
STAGES OF TEAM DEVELOPMENT:PERFORMING An era of high performance. Performing teams are identified by highlevels if independence, motivation,knowledge and competence. Decision making is collaborative anddissent is expected and encouraged asthere will be a high level of respect in thecommunication between team members.
WHAT SAPS YOUR TEAM ENERGY?WHAT ZAPS YOUR TEAM ENERGY? Do you have a common mission? Does everyoneunderstand it? Are people passionate? Are themessages sent to clients consistent?
HOW TO ZAP YOUR TEAM STEP ONE: Maintain or enhance self-esteem STEP TWO: Listen and Respond with empathy STEP THREE: Ask for help and encourageinvolvement STEP FOUR: Offer help without removingresponsibility for action STEP FIVE: Share responsibility vs. Controlresponsibility