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Men Do Listen

by Andrew Bryant on Nov 02, 2011

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Communication and Influence for the Male Mind

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Communication and Influence for the Male Mind

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Can it eat meCan I eat itCan I have sex with it?Obviously in a talk like this I will need to make some generalizations about men and women. And some of the statements are in regards to influencing men at work and some you may consider in terms of influencing your spouse. I should put a caveat around the second one.Despite the stereotype Men do listen and in Avatar Jake Sully does eventually listen to Neytiri
I work as a Leadership Consultant and Executive Coach but I am also a man.This is what I looked like in 2000 and I had one thing on my mindMaking it as a professional speaker and authorI wrote a manuscript on communication skills but publisher wasn’t interestedThe were, however interested on a book about flirting and so I wrote flirting 101During the ‘research’ for the book I met the mother of my children – here she is on her wedding day. Not sure who she is phoning, but I am sure there is a caption here.The book rights were bought by a NY publisher and you can still get copies at bookstores that have not closed down.It called Flirting 101
Influence v Manipulation.To influence you must have a voice.Men, as a rule are terrible at reading minds. If you don’t say it, the won’t know.
All leadership is influence and influence is the key to success, which I why I spend so much time teaching this for my clients,
Turn to your partner and share with them Why you think men don’t listen.
I am a member of the National Speakers Association, imagine being a member of the International listening association.Effective listening requires attention and training and this is not something men are rewarded or acknowledge for.Women on the other hand learn to listen at an early age in social groupings. Women place a lot of wait on non-verbal and tonal messages – men, not so much.This is why, when you give him the ‘look’ his response is “what?”It is worth remembering, thatmisunderstanding is the rule rather than the exception; typically conversational partners only achieve 25-50% accuracy in interpreting each other.If you have a male subordinate and you ask, Do you understand? What will they answer?
Understand Whiteline fever.Men are more likely to listen when they are relaxed. So pick your moment.Having said that eventually you are going to have to grab attention.In 2009 I had Dengue fever and that went straight back on the road. When I would get home I would just want to shut down. My wife would wait and then got tired of waiting . This almost cost me my marriage and we are still dealing with this today.
When speaking to men, don’t be passive.Say what you mean.
If you map Task versus Relationship as Thomas and Kilman did, you get an interesting result.Men tend to be more task oriented.Remember the Orange in thekitchen. Find out what the other party needs.
We can be aggressive or passive, but it is more effective to be Assertive..
To be assertive requires Self-leadership
Inspiration Vision – imparting how the ally’s contribution will make a meaningful contribution to the big picture.Excellence – the chance to take pride in a job well done.Moral/Ethical correctness - doing “what is the right thing to do” gives a feeling of virtue which is its own reward. TaskNew Resources – not necessarily financial but could include loan of people , equipment, time or space.Challenge – getting to tasks that increase skills and abilitiesAssistance - Receiving help with existing projects or unwanted tasksOrganisation Support - Receiving overt or subtle backing or direct assistance with implementationRapid Response- Getting something more quicklyInformation - Obtaining access to organizational or technical knowledge PositionRecognition - Acknowledgment of effort, accomplishment, or abilitiesVisibility - The chance to be known by higher-ups or significant others in the organizationReputation - Being seen as competent, committedInsiderness/ importance - A sense of centrality, of belongingContacts - Opportunities for linking with others RelationshipAcceptance/Inclusion - Feeling closeness and friendshipUnderstanding - Having concerns and issues listened toPersonal support - Receiving personal and emotional backing GratitudeGratitude - Appreciation or expression of indebtednessOwnership/Involvement - Ownership of and influence over important tasksSelf – concept - Affirmation of values, self esteem, and identityComfort - Avoidance of hassles

Men Do Listen — Presentation Transcript

Men Do Listen - Communication andInfluence for the Male MindWith Andrew Bryant CSP PCC 1
Women are more evolved… 2
Me in 2000 3
What is influence? Influence can be described as simply asking someone to do something that that they wouldn’t normally do. 4
“As you developWhy influence? your career you will be paid less for what you do and more for what you influence others to do.” 5
Why do you think men don’t listen? 6
Hearing ListeningHearing is an involuntary, Listening is a conscious act.physical and biological act. Listening involves hearing,There is no understanding receiving, comprehendingor appropriate response. and responding appropriately.Lis-ten-ing n (1996, International ListeningAssociation): “The process of receiving, constructingmeaning from, and responding to spoken and/ornonverbal messages.” 7
 Men often experience tunnel vision and so you will have to be in their line of sight to be heard. If the man is focused on another target, he will not hear you. 8
“Do you think youcould get the reportready by Friday?” “Do you feel that this is a good idea?” 9
Influence styles Importance of Task Competing Collaborating ‘two heads better than ‘might is right’ one’ Compromising ‘split the difference’ Accommodating ‘kill your enemies with kindness’ Importance of Relationship 10 Thomas and Kilmann
Communication styles AssertiveAn expression ofneeds, wants, Not expressing, orfeelings, beliefs or downplayingopinions without wants, feelings,regard for what An honest, direct beliefs orothers want and confident opinions. expression of needs, wants, feelings, beliefs or opinions which allows and actively encourages Aggressive others to express Passive themselves. 11
Self-Leadership is having a developed sense of who you are, what you can do, where you are going coupled with the ability to manage your communication, emotions and behaviours on the way to getting there. 12
“What isimportant toyou?”“Ok, well this iswhat is importantto me.” “Let’s collaborate so that we both get what we want!” 13
What’s Important to You?1. Inspiration2. Task3. Position-related4. Relationship5. Gratitude 14
Advanced Influence.. ... Operates at the level of values and beliefs, thus altering actions. 15
What do you want to influence themale mind to do? 16
The influence secretPACEPACEPACELEAD 17
Andrew Bryantwww.selfleadership.com/blog 18

Men Do Listen

by Andrew Bryant on Nov 02, 2011

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Men Do Listen — Presentation Transcript