The Art of
Th A t f
Saying No
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The Art of Saying No
According to Cheryl Richardson
in The Art of Extreme Self‐Care

The Art of Saying No
You feel it burning deep in the pit of your belly. It’s
struggling, churning inside you trying to force its
struggling churning inside you trying to force its
way up.

The Art of Saying No
Your mind is urging you to say it, your body tense
with anticipation; it’s hovering on the tip of your
tongue, but in the end what comes out
is – yes.

The Art of Saying No
For some people, saying no is the hardest thing they
can bring themselves to do. They can climb
mountains, run a business, look after three kids,
even slay a dragon or two but saying no is
something close to impossible.
thi l ti ibl

The Art of Saying No
Why is this? Most people can’t afford to say yes to
others requests and demands on their time and
energy, but do so anyway.

The Art of Saying No
As Cheryl Richardson explains in The Art
of Extreme Self Care,
of Extreme Self‐Care
there are numerous reasons why we
can’t say no.
’

The Art of Saying No
We don’t want to feel guilty.
Saying no to others makes us feel
like we are letting the other person
like we are letting the other person
down.

The Art of Saying No
We don’t want to disappoint others
because we know how bad it feels.
because we know how bad it feels
When we have asked someone else to
do something for us and they say no, we
do something for us and they say no we
can relate to the experience and do not
wish to put another person through it.

The Art of Saying No
We don’t have the language to let
down someone.
When we think about saying no to
someone we struggle with how to say it.
What is the best way to say it without
What is the best way to say it without
feeling completely selfish?

The Art of Saying No
Our fear of conflict and desire to keep the
peace keeps us from telling the truth.
When we know that the other person will get
upset or might argue with us we would rather
avoid the situation and keep them happy.

The Art of Saying No
We want people to like us and we feel
uncomfortable when they don’t.
The first thing we need to address is our tendency to over
give. When we don’t say no to situations or requests we
i Wh d ’t t it ti t
don’t want to do, we are actually saying to ourselves that our
needs come last. Saying no is an act of empowerment. It
reinstates that our feelings are just as important as someone
else and by doing this we free ourselves from the feelings of
obligation, resentment and stress. By saying no we also allow
obligation, resentment and stress. By saying no we also allow
ourselves to give time to activities and events that are
important to us such as spending time with family,
writing that book or even taking some time out to relax.
writing that book or even taking some time out to relax

The Art of Saying No
Buy Some Time
Sometimes saying yes slips out because we don t know what
Sometimes saying yes slips out because we don’t know what
else to say when the other person is expecting an answer. A
real lifesaver is to put off your answer and give yourself some
time to think about it. Say something like, I’ll need to check
with someone before I commit or need to get back to you or
even Let me sleep on it.This is helpful because it lets the
p p
other person know upfront that you may not be able to
commit so its easier for you to back out of it if it comes down
to that.
to that

The Art of Saying No
Do a Gut Check
Once you have bought yourself some time, the next thing
you need to decide is if this feels like something you want
to do. How much on a scale of 1 10 do you want to do this? If
to do How much on a scale of 1‐10 do you want to do this? If
you are hitting below the 5 make you may want to
reconsider saying yes. A good way to make sure is to ask
yourself whether you would still say yes if that other person
lf h th ld till if th t th
wouldn’t be mad, upset or disappointed if you decided not to
go through with it.

The Art of Saying No
Tell the Truth Directly
Sometimes we find it hard to tell the truth because we lack
Sometimes we find it hard to tell the truth because we lack
the words to say it gracefully. The best way to do this is to
be honest with how you feel without over explaining
yourself. The longer you take to explain, the more openings
lf Th l tk t l i th i
you give yourself to change your mind. The point is to be
considerate with your choice of words while still sending a
clear message that you need to say no. Say something like, I
feel bad about letting you down but I need to instead
of leaving yourself open by saying, I don t think I can do it,
of leaving yourself open by saying, I don’t think I can do it,
but if something changes I’ll let you know.

The Art of Saying No
Cheryl Richardson explains that …if you:re going to
h l hd l h f
disappoint people the right way, the idea is to tell the truth
with respect and care, not manage their emotions. Don’t
p , g
measure your success by the response you receive.
Measure it by how you feel once your anxiety disappears.

The Art of Saying No
Thank you,
Thank you,
amirsaiftaz@gmail.com
www.amirsaiftaz.blogspot.com