CHAPTER 12   Relationships in Early & Middle Adulthood
Love <ul><li>3 Basic Components : </li></ul><ul><li>Passion </li></ul><ul><li>Intense physiological desire for someone </l...
Love Through Adulthood   <ul><li>Early on, passion is high </li></ul><ul><li>Intimacy & commitment are low </li></ul><ul><...
Falling in love   <ul><li>Assortative mating  explains falling in love </li></ul><ul><li>People find partners based on the...
Falling in love <ul><li>Physical attractiveness important in love relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Influences the way we fa...
Cohabitation   <ul><li>About 5.5 million are living together </li></ul><ul><li>Ages have changed </li></ul><ul><li>In 1970...
Cohabitation <ul><li>3 main reasons for living together: </li></ul><ul><li>1. Part-time or limited cohabitation - convenie...
Cohabitation <ul><li>Negative relation between cohabiting & marital stability seems to be weakening </li></ul><ul><li>Many...
Violence in Relationships   <ul><li>Abusive relationship </li></ul><ul><li>One person being aggressive toward the partner ...
Violence in Relationships <ul><li>Causes of aggressive behavior increases as the level of aggression increases </li></ul><...
Violence in Relationships <ul><li>Gender differences in some underlying causes </li></ul><ul><li>Most important 3: need to...
Violence in Relationships <ul><li>Abuse in dating </li></ul><ul><li>7% college students physical abuse, 36% emotional abus...
Lifestyles   <ul><li>Being Single </li></ul><ul><li>80% men & 70% women between 20 – 24 unmarried </li></ul><ul><li>Many f...
Lifestyles <ul><li>Ethnic differences reflect differences in age at marriage & social factors, esp. for African American m...
Lifestyles <ul><li>3 distinct groups of never married women in their 30s </li></ul><ul><li>Some suffer with acute distress...
Gay & Lesbian Couples   <ul><li>Not much different than heterosexuals </li></ul><ul><li>Problems w/finances, lack of equal...
Marriage   <ul><li>Age 1st important factor due to psychological development </li></ul><ul><li>Erikson  -  intimacy import...
Marriage <ul><li>Happiness </li></ul><ul><li>Beliefs brought into marriage influence how satisfied they will be as marriag...
Marriage <ul><li>Must learn to adjust to different perceptions & expectations they have </li></ul><ul><li>Less educated co...
Marriage <ul><li>Midlife marriage </li></ul><ul><li>For most, satisfaction improves after children leave </li></ul><ul><li...
Keeping Marriage Happy   <ul><li>Must be flexible & adaptable </li></ul><ul><li>Marrieds over the years demonstrate abilit...
Family Life Cycle   <ul><li>2 Types of Families: </li></ul><ul><li>1. Nuclear family </li></ul><ul><li>Consists of only pa...
Family Life Cycle <ul><li>Parental role </li></ul><ul><li>Have fewer children than past </li></ul><ul><li>Parenting skills...
Family Life Cycle <ul><li>Single Parents </li></ul><ul><li>70% of births to African American mothers, 40% to Latina mother...
Alternative Forms of Parenting   <ul><li>1/3 of North American couples are stepparents or foster or adoptive parents </li>...
Divorce   <ul><li>90% of all divorces not contested or settled out of court </li></ul><ul><li>70% of time mother gets cust...
Effects of Divorce   <ul><li>Men shocked by breakup esp. if wife filed </li></ul><ul><li>Men more likely blamed for proble...
Divorce & Remarriage   <ul><li>Reasons for Divorce </li></ul><ul><li>U.S. divorce rate higher than many other countries </...
Remarriage   <ul><li>Men generally wait 4 years before remarrying </li></ul><ul><li>Marriage rates vary across ethnic grou...
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G & D Ch. 12

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Socioemotional Development in Early Adulthood

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  • G & D Ch. 12

    1. 1. CHAPTER 12 Relationships in Early & Middle Adulthood
    2. 2. Love <ul><li>3 Basic Components : </li></ul><ul><li>Passion </li></ul><ul><li>Intense physiological desire for someone </li></ul><ul><li>Intimacy </li></ul><ul><li>Feeling you can share all your thoughts & actions with another </li></ul><ul><li>Commitment </li></ul><ul><li>Willingness to stay with a person through good & bad times </li></ul>
    3. 3. Love Through Adulthood <ul><li>Early on, passion is high </li></ul><ul><li>Intimacy & commitment are low </li></ul><ul><li>This is infatuation </li></ul><ul><li>Intense, physically based relationship in which the 2 people have a high risk of misunderstanding & jealousy </li></ul><ul><li>As passion fades, relationship either acquires emotional intimacy or will end </li></ul><ul><li>Trust, honesty, openness, & acceptance must be part of any strong relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Will make romantic love develop </li></ul>
    4. 4. Falling in love <ul><li>Assortative mating explains falling in love </li></ul><ul><li>People find partners based on their similarity to each other </li></ul><ul><li>Occurs along many dimensions: </li></ul><ul><li>e.g. religious beliefs, physical traits, age, socioeconomic status, intelligence, political ideology, values, interests </li></ul><ul><li>Homogamy </li></ul><ul><li>Degree to which people are similar </li></ul><ul><li>People apply 3 filters when meeting someone: </li></ul><ul><li>1. Stimulus (i.e. Appearance, social class, manners) </li></ul><ul><li>2. Values (i.e. Similar re: sex, religion, politics, etc.) </li></ul><ul><li>3. Role (i.e. Ideas about the relationship, communication style, gender roles, etc. match) </li></ul>
    5. 5. Falling in love <ul><li>Physical attractiveness important in love relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Influences the way we fall in love </li></ul><ul><li>Linked to feelings & thoughts associated with intimacy, passion, commitment & to satisfaction with the relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Culture shapes mate selection </li></ul><ul><li>Cultural norms are sometimes resistant to change </li></ul>
    6. 6. Cohabitation <ul><li>About 5.5 million are living together </li></ul><ul><li>Ages have changed </li></ul><ul><li>In 1970 most were over 45 </li></ul><ul><li>By 2000, most between 25 and 44 </li></ul>
    7. 7. Cohabitation <ul><li>3 main reasons for living together: </li></ul><ul><li>1. Part-time or limited cohabitation - convenience, sharing expenses, sexual accessibility </li></ul><ul><li>2. Premarital cohabitation - a step toward marriage </li></ul><ul><li>3. Substitute marriage - long-term commitment without legal marriage </li></ul><ul><li>Doesn’t make marriages better </li></ul><ul><li>Marriages less happy with higher risk of divorce </li></ul><ul><li>Doesn’t lessen depression & getting approval from friends </li></ul><ul><li>Most cohabiting couples tend to be less conventional, less religious, & come from lower socioeconomic backgrounds all putting them at higher risk for divorce </li></ul><ul><li>Marriage after living together is less a change in the relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Lacks newly wedded bliss </li></ul>
    8. 8. Cohabitation <ul><li>Negative relation between cohabiting & marital stability seems to be weakening </li></ul><ul><li>Many more living together now than before </li></ul><ul><li>More common </li></ul><ul><li>Many countries giving same rights & benefits to cohabiting couples as married </li></ul>
    9. 9. Violence in Relationships <ul><li>Abusive relationship </li></ul><ul><li>One person being aggressive toward the partner </li></ul><ul><li>Battered woman syndrome </li></ul><ul><li>When a woman believes she can’t leave the abusive situation & may even go so far as to kill her abuser </li></ul><ul><li>A continuum of aggressive behaviors toward a spouse </li></ul><ul><li>From verbally aggressive to physically aggressive, to severely physically aggressive, to murder </li></ul><ul><li>Causes of abuse vary with type of abusive behavior being expressed </li></ul>
    10. 10. Violence in Relationships <ul><li>Causes of aggressive behavior increases as the level of aggression increases </li></ul><ul><li>Causes become more complex as level of aggression worsens </li></ul><ul><li>Situational factors contribute at all levels </li></ul><ul><li>Alcoholism, job stressors, unemployment </li></ul><ul><li>Common couple violence: </li></ul><ul><li>Violence that occurs occasionally & is instigated by either partner </li></ul><ul><li>Patriarchal terrorism: </li></ul><ul><li>Women who are victims of systematic violence from men </li></ul>
    11. 11. Violence in Relationships <ul><li>Gender differences in some underlying causes </li></ul><ul><li>Most important 3: need to control, misuse of power, jealousy </li></ul><ul><li>Some men want to make sure partner knows “who’s the boss” & makes the rules </li></ul><ul><li>Culture important contextual factor </li></ul><ul><li>Cultures that emphasize honor & portray females as passive, nurturing supporters of men’s activities, along with beliefs that emphasize loyalty & sacrifice for family can contribute </li></ul>
    12. 12. Violence in Relationships <ul><li>Abuse in dating </li></ul><ul><li>7% college students physical abuse, 36% emotional abuse </li></ul><ul><li>Causes: being female, being involved in a love relationship, being over 20 years, having been physically abused by one’s partner, & having abused a partner increase chances </li></ul>
    13. 13. Lifestyles <ul><li>Being Single </li></ul><ul><li>80% men & 70% women between 20 – 24 unmarried </li></ul><ul><li>Many focus on establishing careers rather than marriage or relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Others haven’t met “right person” or prefer being single </li></ul><ul><li>Pressure for women to marry </li></ul><ul><li>Women have unresolved or unrecognized ambivalences re: being single </li></ul><ul><li>Men tend to remain single longer because they tend to marry at a later age than women </li></ul><ul><li>Fewer men than women remain unmarried throughout adulthood </li></ul><ul><li>Find partners more easily as they select from a larger age range of unmarried women </li></ul><ul><li>Men tend to “marry down” in social status </li></ul><ul><li>Women with higher levels of education overrepresented among unmarried adults compared with men of same level of education </li></ul>
    14. 14. Lifestyles <ul><li>Ethnic differences reflect differences in age at marriage & social factors, esp. for African American males </li></ul><ul><li>Major reasons: </li></ul><ul><li>Shortage of marriageable males, poor economic opportunities, & lower life expectancy </li></ul><ul><li>Singlehood among Latinos increasing </li></ul><ul><li>Average age of Latinos in U.S. lower than other ethnic groups due partly to poor economic opportunities </li></ul><ul><li>Latino men expect to marry because it indicates achievement </li></ul>
    15. 15. Lifestyles <ul><li>3 distinct groups of never married women in their 30s </li></ul><ul><li>Some suffer with acute distress about being single & long to be married with children </li></ul><ul><li>Others describe volatile emotional situation </li></ul><ul><li>Others say they are quite happy with healthy self-image & high quality of life </li></ul><ul><li>For most, singlehood is by circumstance rather than choice </li></ul><ul><li>Pluses & minuses with singlehood </li></ul><ul><li>Higher mortality rates & rates of alcoholism, suicide, & mental health problems with men </li></ul><ul><li>Single women tend to be mugged, raped, or burglarized & encounter more problems traveling than married </li></ul>
    16. 16. Gay & Lesbian Couples <ul><li>Not much different than heterosexuals </li></ul><ul><li>Problems w/finances, lack of equality in relationship, possessiveness, personal flaws, dissatisfaction over sex, physical absence due to work or education commitments </li></ul><ul><li>Support from family </li></ul><ul><li>The more traditional the ethnic or religious values, the less likely the family will provide support </li></ul>
    17. 17. Marriage <ul><li>Age 1st important factor due to psychological development </li></ul><ul><li>Erikson - intimacy important in young adulthood </li></ul><ul><li>Must have developed a strong sense of identity in adolescence </li></ul><ul><li>Similarity of interests 2nd important factor </li></ul><ul><li>Must share similar values, goals, attitudes, socioeconomic status, & ethnic background </li></ul><ul><li>Equality in the relationship 3rd important factor </li></ul><ul><li>Exchange theory: each partner contributes something to the relationship the other would find difficult to provide </li></ul>
    18. 18. Marriage <ul><li>Happiness </li></ul><ul><li>Beliefs brought into marriage influence how satisfied they will be as marriage develops </li></ul><ul><li>Overall satisfaction ebbs & flows </li></ul><ul><li>Pattern depends on nature of dependence of each spouse on the other </li></ul><ul><li>Dependence is about equal bring strength to the marriage & less conflict </li></ul>
    19. 19. Marriage <ul><li>Must learn to adjust to different perceptions & expectations they have </li></ul><ul><li>Less educated couples have greater dissatisfaction than those who pool their resources </li></ul><ul><li>Couples settle into a routine with decline in satisfaction </li></ul><ul><li>Primary reason for routine & decline is birth of children </li></ul><ul><li>With parenthood there’s less time devoted to the marriage </li></ul><ul><li>Child-free couples also experience decline in satisfaction </li></ul><ul><li>Seems to be common in all couples over time </li></ul><ul><li>Disillusionment, a decline in feeling in love, demonstrations of affection, & in the feeling that one’s spouse is responsive, & increase in feelings of ambivalence </li></ul>
    20. 20. Marriage <ul><li>Midlife marriage </li></ul><ul><li>For most, satisfaction improves after children leave </li></ul><ul><li>Empty nest </li></ul><ul><li>Gives middle age couple chance to relax & spend more time together </li></ul><ul><li>For some, satisfaction continues to be low </li></ul><ul><li>May have grown apart but continue to live together: </li></ul><ul><li>Referred to as married singles </li></ul><ul><li>Older couples </li></ul><ul><li>Marital satisfaction among older couples increases after retirement & decreases with age </li></ul><ul><li>Level of satisfaction unrelated to amt. of past or present sexual interest or sexual activity </li></ul><ul><li>Positively related to degree of interaction with friends </li></ul><ul><li>Many have detached, contented style of marriage </li></ul>
    21. 21. Keeping Marriage Happy <ul><li>Must be flexible & adaptable </li></ul><ul><li>Marrieds over the years demonstrate ability to roll with the punches & adapt to changing circumstances </li></ul><ul><li>How well couples communicate thoughts, actions, & feelings determines level of conflict & level of happiness </li></ul><ul><li>Takes love, humor, & perseverance to stay happy </li></ul><ul><li>7 key ingredients in happy marriage: </li></ul><ul><li>1. Make time for the relationship </li></ul><ul><li>2. Express love to your spouse </li></ul><ul><li>3. Be there in times of need </li></ul><ul><li>4. Communicate constructively & positively about problems in the relationship </li></ul><ul><li>5. Be interested in your spouse’s life </li></ul><ul><li>6. Confide in your spouse </li></ul><ul><li>7. Forgive minor offenses & try to understand major ones </li></ul>
    22. 22. Family Life Cycle <ul><li>2 Types of Families: </li></ul><ul><li>1. Nuclear family </li></ul><ul><li>Consists of only parent(s) & child(ren) </li></ul><ul><li>2. Extended family </li></ul><ul><li>Grandparents & other relatives live with parents & children </li></ul><ul><li>1st pregnancy is a milestone event with benefits & costs </li></ul><ul><li>Important considerations: </li></ul><ul><li>1. Relationships with own parents </li></ul><ul><li>2. Marital stability </li></ul><ul><li>3. Career satisfaction </li></ul><ul><li>4. Finances </li></ul><ul><li>Finances of greatest concern, e.g. children are expensive: $250 K over 17 years for necessities only </li></ul>
    23. 23. Family Life Cycle <ul><li>Parental role </li></ul><ul><li>Have fewer children than past </li></ul><ul><li>Parenting skills are not natural </li></ul><ul><li>Must be acquired </li></ul><ul><li>Ethnic diversity & parenting </li></ul><ul><li>Ethnic background matters in family structure & parent-child relationship </li></ul>
    24. 24. Family Life Cycle <ul><li>Single Parents </li></ul><ul><li>70% of births to African American mothers, 40% to Latina mothers, & 20% to European American mother out of wedlock </li></ul><ul><li>Single parents obstacles </li></ul><ul><li>Financially </li></ul><ul><li>Integrating roles of work & parenthood </li></ul>
    25. 25. Alternative Forms of Parenting <ul><li>1/3 of North American couples are stepparents or foster or adoptive parents </li></ul><ul><li>Big issue: strength of bonding of children </li></ul><ul><li>Infants less than 1 year will probably bond well </li></ul><ul><li>Older have probably formed attachments to biological parents </li></ul><ul><li>Many stepparents & stepchildren develop good relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Adoptive parents contend with attachment to birth parents in different ways </li></ul><ul><li>Want to meet them </li></ul><ul><li>Foster parent have most tenuous relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Bond can form & be broken </li></ul><ul><li>Must provide secure homes but won’t have children long enough to establish continuity </li></ul><ul><li>Children of gay or lesbian couples </li></ul><ul><li>Parent’s don’t experience any more problems than children of heterosexual </li></ul><ul><li>Children raised by gay or lesbian couples do not develop sexual identity or any other problems than heterosexual </li></ul>
    26. 26. Divorce <ul><li>90% of all divorces not contested or settled out of court </li></ul><ul><li>70% of time mother gets custody </li></ul><ul><li>Father is occasional parent </li></ul><ul><li>Women become primary custodial parent </li></ul><ul><li>Fathers don’t remain active in children’s lives </li></ul><ul><li>Children’s needs change & anticipating these needs Requires frequent contact </li></ul><ul><li>Noncustodial fathers find it difficult to develop good relationships with children </li></ul><ul><li>Often, wives express anger by limiting contact </li></ul><ul><li>Divorced fathers become peripheral in their children’s lives, often through no fault of their own </li></ul>
    27. 27. Effects of Divorce <ul><li>Men shocked by breakup esp. if wife filed </li></ul><ul><li>Men more likely blamed for problems leading to divorce, to accept the blame, to move out, & have social life disrupted </li></ul><ul><li>Women affected differently </li></ul><ul><li>Divorced mothers have fewer prospects for potential remarriage </li></ul><ul><li>Have to establish new friendships with custody of children </li></ul><ul><li>Financial disadvantage </li></ul>
    28. 28. Divorce & Remarriage <ul><li>Reasons for Divorce </li></ul><ul><li>U.S. divorce rate higher than many other countries </li></ul><ul><li>Factors </li></ul><ul><li>African Americans more likely to divorce </li></ul><ul><li>Hispanics show variability </li></ul><ul><li>Ethnically mixed more likely to divorce than homogenous </li></ul><ul><li>With no fault divorce & changing expectations re: marriage reasons became communication problems, unhappiness, & incompatibility </li></ul><ul><li>Divorce rate reflects higher expectations of marriage </li></ul><ul><li>Couples expect partners will help them grow personally & provide more than financial support </li></ul>
    29. 29. Remarriage <ul><li>Men generally wait 4 years before remarrying </li></ul><ul><li>Marriage rates vary across ethnic groups </li></ul><ul><li>Few differences between 1st & remarriages </li></ul><ul><li>African American 2nd marriages have 25% higher risk of divorce than 1st marriages </li></ul><ul><li>With stepchildren, 3 times higher </li></ul><ul><li>Women generally initiate divorce & less likely to remarry </li></ul><ul><li>Women tend to benefit more from remarriage than men </li></ul><ul><li>Divorced men without children tend to marry women who have never been married </li></ul><ul><li>Divorced men with children tend to marry divorced women </li></ul><ul><li>Men with higher education more likely to remarry female with same </li></ul>

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