Most often than not, most of us struggle with our relationships. Many of us have thought about quitting several times. It is a lovely thing to be in a relationship with the opposite sex, but a different ball of game if the relationship is not working. The key is that we have to examine ourselves when relationships are not working as expected. Yes, there are many times when it wasn’t your fault, it was her fault. However, regardless of who’s at fault
it is, it is time to know the reasons why your relationship is not working and how you can fix it.
Education and training program in the hospital APR.pptx
40 reasons why your relationship is not working
2. 40 REASONS WHY YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT
WORKING AND HOW TO FIX IT
By
Hephzibah Asaolu
www.relationshipmatters101.com
3. It‘s so easy for us to give up faith in
relationships. Many of us have thought about
quitting several times. People will tell you, ―When
you fall off a horse, you have to get back on.‖
That‘s provided you haven‘t concluded that you
don‘t even want to be on that damn horse.
Relationships can be like horses. Some people
think they‘re beautiful, remarkable, strong and
elegant
creatures.
Others
think
they‘re
stinky, stupid, wild and really not all that important
to their lives. There‘s many ways to view
relationships; the key is that we‘ve all got to find
ourselves in self-examination when relationships
fail or don‘t work out. Yes, there are many times
when it wasn‘t our fault, it was their fault.
However, there are times that regardless of who‘s
fault, it‘s time to examine why it isn‘t working out.
4. 1. You don’t know when to shut up — There comes a
point where making your point becomes harmful.
There are times when your sentence could end and be
just as powerful, but is ruined because of a motor
mouth.
2. You tell everybody your damn business — Your
friends are your support system, but they are a gift and
a curse. They can be there for you when you‘re hurt,
but they can also pacify you when you need to teethe.
3. You refuse to accept that you’ll need to make
some changes in your life — ―I‘m not going to
change for anybody‖ is always the extreme of not
knowing what ―How can I be better?‖ really means.
5. 4. You expect others to put up with your problems —
―You should accept me flaws and all‖ is only half true.
I‘ve always said, ―I accept that you have problems, but
that doesn‘t mean I‘ll make them my own.‖
5. You’re inconsistent — You say you know what you
want, you say you know what you don‘t want, but you
allow the two to mix sometimes. You can‘t profess that
you‘re ready to settle down at one point and then
shout ―YOLO!‖ at the next.
6. You’re not ugly, just unattractive — Too often
people confuse looks with attraction. I know plenty of
beautiful women who are not attractive. It may be
personality traits, or they have only heavily relied on
their looks and haven‘t focused on their entire being to
become completely whole.
6. 7. You’re too judgmental — Your perfect ten is probably
not the person you envision them to be when you jot it
down on paper. You also can‘t expect them to come offthe-shelf like that too. You‘re knocking down potential
and people who may meet your 80%, just because you
find minor flaws.
8. Your network is not helpful — You are the company
you keep. You have to have positive reinforcements in
your life. It doesn‘t mean that you have to have married
friends, or friends with children. It means you have to
have a positive network that is beautiful, instead of
looking like a war zone of love.
9. You haven’t learned to let go — Acceptance is a part of
life that we always struggle with. We have to learn that
we‘ll have to accept things in our past and leave them
there. We hold onto things because we think that if we
let them go it‘s like we‘re saying it‘s okay. We‘re
not, we‘re accepting it and allow ourselves to move past
7. 10. You’ve got too much pride — Pride will stand in your
way. It will make you quit a relationship because you feel
slighted at a certain point, rather than doubling down and
making it work. When you start concerning yourself with
how you look to others instead of how you feel on the
inside, you lose.
11. You want what you deserve, but don’t want to earn
it — Everybody thinks they deserve the world.
Everybody thinks they‘re awesome individuals. Then
they make everyone pass all these tests before they‘ll
prove it. The world wasn‘t made in a day – you have to
put in the necessary work too.
12. Your past becomes baggage instead of lessons
learned — Everything that happens in our life, happens
for a reason. At times, we acknowledge that something
happened, but don‘t understand the reasons and lessons
we can learn. It becomes a story that ends with the
occurrence and not what came of that experience.
8. 13. You digest entirely too much trash instead of daily
bread — Whether it is too much reality TV or trash on
the radio, learn to balance when you digest. Everything
in moderation, but honest moderation. You can‘t possibly
know all the characters on each reality show, but can‘t
tell me one great book (heck, author of an article) that
was written in the last year you‘ve read.
14. You make poor investments — We‘re all guilty of
investing our time and effort into things we know won‘t
bring us any closer to happiness. We tell ourselves, ―just
this last time‖ but we know it‘s a guilty pleasure. We also
put time and effort into investments that haven‘t yielded
any results in some time — learn to walk away and stop
making those in the future.
9. 15. You allow yourself to be enabled — This one is huge
— we become guilty of enablement. We say that ―I‘ll land
on my feet,‖ ―There‘s plenty to choose from,‖ or we tout
off how many degrees or how much wealth we have as
reasons why we don‘t have to make changes. Or, we
make mistakes because we know there aren‘t
consequences, or don‘t believe there are consequences.
Don‘t allow yourself to be enabled, always challenge
yourself to do good despite of whether you‘re held
accountable for it or not.
16. You don't Align your basic values and goals: The
first thing you do is to sit down with your partner and find
out what your basic values and goals are, and the
direction you both want the relationship to go. Know
whether the relationship CAN work, here you both have
to be frank about your differences and values, what you
can and cannot compromise about. Make these
decisions HERE before you end up with the wrong
person.
10. 17. Disrespectful communication: this is very crucial in creating a
trusting relationship and without it the relationship devolves into a
battlefield. Communication isn‘t a one way street so it has to flow
both ways. Respectful communication involves the art of listening.
You could talk to your partner all day long, but if he doesn‘t LISTEN
to you then all the words are meaningless. The art of listening is
probably even more important than talking. Someone said ―the
reason why God gave us one mouth and two ears is to talk less and
listen more.‖
18. You Lack affection: affection is the bond in relationships. It is the
expression of care. It symbolizes protection, security, comfort. When
you show affection to your partner you are telling him or her ―you are
important to me.‖ ―I will care for you and protect you always.‖ All
humans respond deeply to intimacy touch, affection, kindness, and
tone of voice. Non verbal form of communication impacts the
relationship greatly. A simple hug can say those things.
11.
19. You are not Appreciating your partner: this is important yet
many of us don‘t know how to do it. Most of us feel so uncomfortable
saying why and how much we care for each other. We assume our
partners know or should know how much we appreciate them and
the things they do. It‘s important you never assume your partner
knows anything about what your feelings are. Simple appreciative
words like ‗Thank you for the food‘, ‗thank you for being there‘, thank
you for helping out‘, ‗thank you for working so hard for us‘…these
little words and moments of gratitude can greatly inspire each other
to make the relationship grow. Try it.
20. You are not giving your relationship Quality time: Seeing
your partner everyday doesn‘t mean you both are spending quality
time together. You have to find out what your partner enjoys doing
with you and share that moment together with him or her, the point is
not on what you are doing, but why you are doing it. Dr Gary
Chapman in his book, ―The Five Love Languages‖ says quality time
means undivided attention. This means you have to have a
presence of mind when you are with your partner, not just sitting
together and all you do is focusing on the television when your
partner really wants to have a nice conversation with you. If you love
somebody you will do anything and everything to spend time with
them that is meaningful.
12. 21. You don't Compromise: a successful relationship requires
compromise from both of you. You will have to adjust to each other,
making time and taking in different viewpoints. Lack of compromise
is a very selfish thing to do. You mustn‘t have it your way all the
time. ―Sometimes letting go is the most mature skill – no couple
agrees on all points.‖
22. You don't give God chance to build your relationship: If your
relationship is not rooted in God, you will have trouble making it
work, because nothing you do would seem enough. It is The LORD
that blesses your efforts, and gives you the wisdom to act in a
certain way. The bible says GOD is love, so when He comes in,
automatically love sets in.
23.
You never talk about the future
It‘s great to live in the moment, but if you don‘t make plans for what's
next, your relationship could end up being short-term. ―Making future
plans is a healthy ingredient for a growing relationship,‖ says Amy
Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure. ―It‘s also an
indicator of the commitment you have to each other.‖
13. He’s told you that he’s not the marrying kind
This seem like an obvious barrier to a serious relationship, but many
women ignore it when men say this, thinking they can change him.
It's time to start taking him at face value. ―Men repeatedly tell
women they are simple beings,‖ says Levine. ―If he shows you or
tells you who he is, then believe him. It will save you a ton of time
and energy. Wake up! You‘re Mrs. Right Now, not the future Mrs.
[insert his last name here].‖
24.
25.
You’re keeping other guys on the back burner
Don‘t expect a commitment until you take the plunge and jump in with
both feet! ―Having other men in the periphery is often an indication
that you know the main guy isn‘t the best match for you,‖ says
Levine. ―Or that you‘re scared to take the leap of faith into intimacy.‖
26.
You have nothing in common except sex
If all you have in common is what happens between the sheets it may
be hard to achieve the level of intimacy you really desire. Sex is
good and advisable in the confines of marriage.
14. 27.
You live together
If you‘re already doing all the stuff that goes with married life
without the formal commitment, there may be no motivation
to move things to the next level. The old saying ‗why buy
the cow when you can get the milk for free?‘. Thinking of
women as cows is degrading, but the overall meaning
makes sense. Men are more likely to hold off from moving
a relationship forward when they‘re content and already
getting what they want.
28.
His parents are divorced
Sometimes parents can give us a negative idea of what
marriage is or instill a lack of trust in us through their
actions. Our relationship role models are often our
blueprint. It may be all he knows. If your man feels this way,
it‘s important to talk through his issues and help him
understand that your relationship is something totally
15. 29. None of his friends are married
If his pals aren‘t in serious relationships, he may be less
motivated to take the leap. If his friends all have a
bachelor mentality, there is a good chance it can rub
off on him, too. Who we surround ourselves with often
explains our behaviors.
30. You’re both acting like you’re single
Even though you‘re coupled you‘re still staying out ‘til all
hours, hanging out with friends more than each. If you
want a more serious relationship, you both need to
approach the relationship with an ―us‖ instead of ―me‖
mentality. If you‘re enjoying other people‘s company in
groups more than the two of you being alone, you‘re
likely not content with what you have together.
16. 31.
You haven’t made your desires clear
If he doesn‘t know how you really feel, he may not understand
that moving things forward is important to you. So tell him!
You should always make what you want clear from the very
beginning. You don‘t want to waste your time and not be true
to yourself. You shouldn‘t stay with a man if you‘re afraid of
telling him what you need and want.
32.
You keep things casual
Because you‘re afraid of scaring him off, you‘ve given him the
idea that you could take him or leave him. This relationship
will go nowhere fast until you come clean. Being scared
means that you are now giving that person too much credit
and power that he doesn‘t deserve. You have to lead with
your true self from the very beginning and if he doesn‘t like
you for who you are, then tell them to go 'to the left!
17. 33.
You’re settling
You know he‘s not the one, but you‘re keeping him around as a backup
plan. But this is one plan that will never lead to a happy ending. This
is an act of desperation that will only lead to depression. You are
now setting yourself up to fail. I would rather be home with a green
mask on my face than with a partner I had no chemistry with or
desire to be with in life.
34.
You’ve skipped over traditional 'steps'
If you‘ve missed important milestones such as calling each other
boyfriend/girlfriend or saying I love you, then you may be way off the
path toward the next level of your relationship. Start making up for
lost time now -- even if it means going on your first date again!
There are many reasons couples skip over the traditional steps.
Maybe you're in a long distance relationship, or you got off to a
whirlwind start and threw caution to the wind. In any case, missing
these 'checkpoints' means you both lose the chance to assess the
relationship and look at your partnership in a more serious light.
―Anything that happens too fast, ends just as fast,‖ says Flicker.
18. 35.
You haven’t traveled together
Traveling together forces you to navigate new territory and
experience exciting and unfamiliar situations as a couple. It
can be an essential step in really getting to know your partner.
Traveling is the best form of therapy and when you travel with
a partner you learn a lot about that person‘s habits and
character. Then you can make a decision on whether or not
you can live with that person‘s habits. So get up and go
somewhere -- exotic destination not required.
36.
You don’t have your own life
If you‘re always waiting around for him, he has no incentive to
get more serious. You don‘t need to make him feel like he
could lose you, but make sure he knows you have a life. You
are a needy and that is a complete turnoff. A man loves
confidence and a woman who is confident is a busy body
always planning, attending and living life. If you are not
confident then act ‗as if‘ because at least that is more
attractive than being available and needy!
19. 37.
Your relationship exists online
It‘s fine to meet your partner online, but if you don‘t take the
next step and meet in real life, taking another step
forward will be even more unlikely to happen. Get out of
your room, log off your computer and step outside -there‘s a whole world out there!. Meet real people and
actually face them. Look into someone‘s eyes and smile
at him instead of at your computer screen.
38.
You haven’t brought him into your world
If you‘ve shied away from introducing him to friends and
family (or he hasn‘t brought you around to his) you
probably won't be a part of each other‘s futures. If you
partner has not introduced you to his family and you
have been dating for over 6 months, something is wrong.
He‘s not sure about the relationship and this would be
the time to say 'take the L outta lover -- it's over!'"
20. 39.
You avoid fights
If you never express your true feelings or discuss real issues,
your relationship will forever be on that polite plane usually
reserved for acquaintances. Fighting is essential and healthy
in any relationship, says Flicker. If you are not fighting then
you are not loving. Stop living in a glass bubble and actually
feel some emotions because in the end it will only bring you
both closer together. And if it doesn‘t, then it was not meant to
be!
40.
He’s not financially stable
If a man doesn‘t have his act together it can be hard for you to
commit to him or for him to feel comfortable bringing your
deeper into his life. Have a frank discussion with yourself (and
with him) to decide if you‘re in it for the long haul. If he is not
financially stable, it is going to be tough, but love conquers all,
and no one promised us that life was going to be easy. All one
needs is ambition, drive and determination. Money will follow.
How much money? Ask the man above!
21. How to Fix your dating relationship
Above are forty reasons why your relationship
is not working. I‘m not sure that you can solve
these flaws overnight. That‘s okay, not too
many things work that way. Most times, it
takes hard work and a concerted effort to
reconcile and fix these. The first step is to tell
yourself that you have a flaw or an
opportunity for improvement. Can you be in a
relationship and work on yourself? Absolutely,
but only to the extent that it doesn‘t become a
burden on the person you‘re dating.
Secondly, you need to assess your
relationship and be ready to fix it.
22. There are several articles on
www.relationshipmatters101.com that
will help you to fix your relationship
problems. Get to the site and sign up to
our mailing list.
Feel free to contact me on any private
thoughts or questions you might want to
ask.
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