Interpersonal Communications Personal Application & Real World Implications By Kari Werth
A Definition: Refers to both verbal and non-verbal communication Essentially relational in nature-between two or more people Affects the relationship Can be both impersonal and personal Involves people who are somehow “connected”
Enlarging the Conversation Expanding communication and deepening dialogue Raising questions Gaining clarity on issues Listening/Comprehension Supporting healthy relationships
My Overarching Goal: Know Thyself! Understand what contributes to my communication style and my capacity for dialogue. Identify potential areas for growth. Develop these areas with sincerity.
Background & Behavioral Blend What I am=DISC Personality type = CIS Which I define as: Competent Sweet Inspirer Motivated by: clearly defined tasks which allow plenty of time to think. What I want: friendly relationships, freedom from details, opportunities to help & motivate others. How I feel secure: identifying with an area of specialization, a secure situation, consistent and familiar environments.
Behavior Blend Contd. Passive, yet very active and outgoing when it comes to inspiring and influencing others. Do not need to be in control or aggressive. Noncompetitive-enjoy people working together for a common cause. Good at inspiring or motivating others, but happy to be behind the scenes working.
Personality Contd. Both outgoing and reserved. Good relational skills, people pleaser, impress crowds easily. Sweet & Sensitive, Loyal & Dependable. Some people think of me as week but I become very stubborn and firm when people threaten my safety or environment. More meek thank week. Power under control and hidden more deeply within me.
More Characteristics: I come across to others as more satisfied with life. Not too many emotional highs and lows. Do not care to get the credit for something as long as it gets accomplished. Prefer to be behind the scenes but can often surprise and impress people once I open up and decide to lead or speak. Extremely empathetic.
Overarching Goals to Enlarge the Conversation! Be: Formal Accessible Reciprocal Committed Spontaneous
A Closer Look: Understanding Formality-knowing that my relationships will vary based on the distance between myself and others and being comfortable with different levels of casual and intimate relationships. Being Accessible-be willing to be open, vulnerable, and self disclosing in the appropriate situations with the appropriate people. Being Reciprocal-knowing which behaviors are called for or damaging within the relationships. Reciprocating a certain level of expectation.
A Closer Look Contd. Being Committed: knowing the degree to which I am a part of each relationship and doing my best to fulfill my unique part. Being Spontaneous: freedom or lack of freedom to engage in spontaneous behaviors. Not always expecting people to fulfill certain roles. As free as possible of expectations in order to allow the space for people to become and be their true selves.
Empathic Listening Refrains from judging the talker Puts me in another’s shoes Allows me to be present in the moment Acknowledges and responds appropriately Shows interest both verbally and non-verbally Suspends my own thoughts for the sake of understanding another. Listens from my heart with compassion & empathy.
The Power of Listening Earns respect and loyalty from others Allows me to properly understand the situation My questions can determine the flow of the conversation. Allows for greater clarity Helps the talker to explore themselves deeper.
Listening to Myself, to Better Listen to Others Self awareness helps me to examine myself more clearly. Through listening to myself I can learn not to judge myself and how to develop self acceptance. Helps me to catch negative or non-productive thoughts and to be more in control of my behavior. Helps me relate better to others because I have already discovered how to relate to myself.
Now…Let’s Sum it Up! Interpersonal Communication is important to interacting with others, accomplishing group goals, and establishing healthy and fulfilling relationships. By “enlarging the conversation” I will ask questions, listen empathically, respond appropriately, and gain clarity in my relationships. Knowing myself or self-examination is important to being able to contribute to others and to communicate effectively.
Summary Contd. Developing personal goals for how I will broaden my communication skills gives me more control of myself and the potential for more fulfilling interactions with others. Empathic listening is both powerful and imperative to authentic communication. Learning to listen to myself is the key to empathically listening to others.
References: Stewart, J. (1995) Bridges not walls: a book about interpersonal communication. New York. McGraw-Hill. Burley-Allen, M. (1995). Listening: the forgotten skill. New York. John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Rosenfield, L. W., Hayes, L. S., & Frentz, T. S., (1976). Relationships: defining main characteristics. Boston. Landscape Photos by: Aaron Feinberg-website: afeinphoto.com