More plot, more kids and more madness from the poor Miss Alice as she attempts to keep everything from falling apart.

1. Woo! Chapter Five
baby...and still on
Generation A. Well, that's
what you get for hiring
someone more used to
writing 1000 page novels
than diaries. What do you
mean you didn't hire me? I'm
still getting paid, right?
What? Oh, you are so
hearing from my lawyer.
Anyways, on with the show?

2. ‘Daddy?’
‘Rivers? Go away. I’m
sleeping!’
‘I had a bad dream. Can I
sleep here?’
‘Whatever.’
‘Daddy? Where’s Mum?’
‘How the hell should I
know? Now let me sleep! I
work all day and spend most
of the evening in my lab. I’m
tired!’
‘Oh…okay.’
I sense that this is how the
rest of the generation is set to
continue.

3. ‘…and then you can strangle
Rivers, like that, and since
you have no chance of
becoming heir ever, I will be
crowned heiress by default.
Okay, got that Oasis?’
‘I strangle Rivers, you
become heir?’
‘Bingo.’
Cinderella, this family has
enough issues without you
trying to kill of Rivers as
well.
‘A girl has to look out for her
future.’
You’re three.

4. ‘Yes, well, all the more
reason to get this sorted out.
Who knows how long Mum
and Dad will be around? I
need to cement my heirhood
now, before they spiral out of
control and no one is paying
any attention to the heir race
anymore.’
For a toddler you have an
awfully sharp mind.
‘I’m just practical. Now,
Oasis, what is the plan?’
‘Strangle Rivers, play with
dolls?’
‘Close enough.’

5. So, Cinderella, do you want
to help Rivers and I sort out
your parents or not?
‘Why not ask Oasis?’
No offence to the kid, but
he’s a bit of a moron and a
tool.
‘He is a clone of Rivers.
What did you expect.’
That’s cold, Cinders. So, will
you help?
‘Where’s the gain for me?’
It will endear you to the
reader(s)? Maybe get you
extra votes in the heir poll.
‘Sure, I guess I can help.
Nothing better to do around
here anyway.’

6. ‘MUMMY!’
‘Oh, hey there Oliver.’
Oasis.
‘Yeah, Okapi.’
Teal, please tell me that
you’re just pretending not to
remember your son for poops
and giggles.
‘Oh, it’s Rivers, right?’
I give up. Sorry Oasis, but it
seems that being Cinderella’s
lackey is all you have to look
forward to in life.

7. Rivers?
‘Yes Alice.’
What happened to your
brilliant plan to sort out your
parents relationship?
‘Well, I’m taking a break to
follow in your nautical
footsteps, Alice.’
I guess a kid needs
something to fall back on.
‘Alice, how come you don’t
have a boat. Ephemeral
Toast does.’
Well, darling, she is a very
famous legacy writer, so she
can afford it.
‘So, when you’re a famous
legacy writer, you’ll get a
boat too?’
Maybe I will.

8. ‘So…’
‘So…’
‘Gads this is stupid!’
‘Rivers! Don’t be so rude.’
‘Sorry Mum. But it is. You
guys can’t even eat breakfast
together anymore.’

9. ‘That’s a lie, and to prove
my point I’m going to leave
now and check on Cupid and
Oscar.’
‘You mean Cinderella and
Oasis.’
‘Whatever.’
‘See, son. Women are from
another planet entirely.’
‘Dad…aren’t we the alien
race here? Green skin and
all.’
‘Enough. Eat your
pancakes.’

10. ‘Daddy, I don’t want you and
Mummy to keep fighting. It
upsets me and Oasis.’
‘And Cinderella?’
‘Well…Cinderella has thick
skin. But that’s beside the
point. It’s upsetting Alice
too. She’s actually crying
right now. Look.’
Shut up kid! It’s allergies.
‘Sure it is. Can’t you and
Mum just work something
out. I mean, you must have
loved each other enough to
get married, so why not
now?’

11. ‘Well, Rivers, sometimes
people change, and
sometimes you think people
change but it turns out that
they are still the same slutty
whores they were before.’
‘This is hopeless!’
Not hopeless. Just difficult.
Meet me in Lore’s lab once
he’s gone to work, okay?

12. ‘Wow, this stuff is so
COOL!’
Rivers, we’re here for a
reason, remember. We’re
looking for clues as to what
your dad is doing in here.
Whenever I try and spy on
him, he shouts at me, and I
do not respond well to anger.
So I need you to do some
snooping for me, okay?
‘Sure thing Alice.’

13. ‘Wow *giggle* That is so
cool.’
What?
‘I can hear mum on the
phone in the hallway. Alice,
what’s the horizontal shoe
shuffle?’
Urm…I’ll tell you on your
next birthday, okay kid?
‘But I want to know!’
Back to work, kid. You’re
not learning anything about
your dad while spying on
your mother.

14. Oi! Watch where you point
that thing!
‘Alice, if I’m heir, can I have
all this stuff when Dad dies?’
Rivers!
‘Fine, fine, don’t whine at
me woman!’
I just want to figure this out.
I hate the idea of my
precious sims suffering.
‘You’re a big softie really,
aren’t you?’
Yeah…but don’t tell anyone.
I have a persona to affect.
‘Your secret is safe with me.’

15. ‘Well, apparently Dad’s been
using this big doohicky a lot
lately. I don’t like the
readings I’m getting, Alice.
There’s a lot of weird
chemicals in here, as well as
magic residue.’
The weird scanner gun told
you all that?
‘Alice, please, my dad is a
mechanical genius and my
mother has managed to
maintain a series of lovers
without any of them finding
out about the others. There’s
little I cannot do.’
Wow.

16. Ummm…Rivers? Are you
sure that you should be doing
that?
‘Daddy wouldn’t own
anything dangerous. I’m sure
it’ll be fine. Now, just move
the sieve over my head and
click the buttons.’

17. ‘Hmm…’
What is it?
‘I suddenly love Dad. A lot. I
want to spend the rest of my
life with him and nobody
else. I want to feel his hand
running up my-’
Okay, get that off now!
Quick, let’s get out of here.
‘Alice, I feel weird.’
Sweetums. It’ll probably
wear off soon.
‘Good, because I don’t even
think I can-’
Keep it bottled up kid. We’ll
talk off camera.

18. ‘So, Cinderella, do you get it?’
‘Sure. You’re contemplating
incest with our father.’
‘NO! That was just his
brainwashing cap that he means
to use on Mum. But do you
understand, Cinderella. There’s
probably all kinds of crap in
there that could hurt Mum.’
Rivers, your dad loves your
mum. I’m sure he wouldn’t
hurt her.
‘Desperate people are not
always the most logical.’
‘Whatever. Rivers, what do you
want me to do?’
‘Dad’s locked up his lab. I
guess he knew I was in there.
You’re smart and conniving
with a wicked edge. Maybe you
can come up with something.’
‘Well, maybe. I am kind of in
the middle of something at the
moment, but I should be able to
come up with something.’

19. ‘How soon?’
‘Well, I’ll be plotting your
murder up until July, so I
should have a plot by
November.’
‘NOVEMBER! Cinderella!
We need it now!’
‘I have a packed schedule.
Sorry.’
‘*pout* This sucks.’

20. ‘Guys? I have a plan.’
‘…do you think you can help
me break into Dad’s lab
again.’
‘Maybe Rivers. With the
right tools.’
‘GUYS! Come on! I have an
idea that might work!’
‘What is that annoying
noise?’
‘Oh, that’s just Oasis and his
stupid Manchester accent.
Ignore him. It’s best he
assumes the role of spare
early in life.’

21. ‘Alice?’
Yes Oasis.
‘I do have a plan. I drew it
and everything. Lookit!’
That looks great, Oasis.
‘You’re not even looking!
Alice, why does no one ever
pay me any attention? I’m
just as good as the other
two.’
Sorry, Oasis, but I have more
important things to do. Like
watching Argos adverts and
taunting my siblings.

22. Oh noes. Gregory has
claimed his first victim.
‘GIVE ME THE CAKE
YOU HO!!!’
Maybe she deserved it
though. At least it was a
random townie and not
someone I actually care
about.

23. ‘There’s a good boy
Gregory.’
‘Moo.’
‘Yes, a very good boy. Kill
lots of annoying townies for
me.’
Lore? Why do you want
dead townies?

24. ‘Cowplant milk has
numerous uses. The most
obvious is immortality, but it
can be used for other things
too.’
Like?
‘Sorry Alice, but that’s none
of your business.’
Darn it.

25. ‘Yeah, that’s the good stuff.
Remember Gregory, lots of
townies.’
‘Moo.’
Just don’t eat me! Okay? No
eating the pretty dark haired
lady with the overly sweet
freckled mug.

26. ‘…just add the cowplant
milk, and it’s almost done.
Just a few months to mature,
and we should be rolling.’
Holy mother of crap.
‘ALICE! GET OUT OF MY
LAB AND STAY OUT!’
*flees* GUYS! I need help!

27. ‘Hey Alice, we heard you
calling.’
Cinderella, I think Lore, your
dad, may have gone a little
bit insane.
‘Tell me something we I
don’t know.’
‘Alice! I-’
Oasis, please! This is
important. I do not need to
hear about your doodles right
now.
‘Gah!’

28. ‘We can talk later, okay
Alice. It’s dinnertime.’
‘Cinders, share. Mummy
only brought one bottle.’
‘Get lost Oasis. No one cares
if you starve! I’m actually
important to this family. I’m
involved in the plot, and all
you do is follow me around
and annoy everyone.’

29. ‘Ha ha ha! I win! Bottle is
mine now Cinders. You
loose.’
‘What. Did. You. Say. To.
Me?’
‘*whimper* Here. Have it
back.’
‘Good choice.’
‘I’ll go and wait on my
blanket, see if I get a bottle
too.’
‘Good.’

30. ‘Daddy? You love me,
right?’
‘Of course Oasis. Between
you and me, you’re my
favourite. You’re so sweet
and quiet and you never
seem to get in my way,
unlike the other two.’
‘Oasis love Daddy too!’
‘Good boy, now, can you
walk for Daddy?’
‘YAY!’
*yawn* Why do I still insist
on being fair to this little guy
by giving him screen time?

31. ‘Alice, I got you a boat.
Rivers said that you didn’t
have one.’
Well…thanks Oasis. I guess.
‘I’m going to help, you
know. I’m not as stupid as
everyone thinks.’
Huh? Oh, sorry kiddo, but
sounds like Teal needs me.

32. ‘Why doesn’t this get
easier?’
No idea. Just keep pushing
while I try and think up a
name.

33. It’s a little girl, same
colouring as all the others,
called Sweetness, after one
of my favourite Jimmy Eat
World songs.
‘Only one left.’
Indeed.
‘Then dating time.’
Oh…yes.
Hooray.

34. Rivers maxes his first skill.
‘I need to be logical if I’m
going to help out Mum and
Dad.’
Good thinking Batman.
‘So, what’s our next course
of action?’
If I’m honest, Rivers, I have
no idea. This isn’t my line of
expertise. I’m a Romance
sim. Commitment is not a
strong point of mine.
‘Well…I’m sure something
will come along.’
I hope so.

35. ‘Lore? I know we have our
differences, but I do still love
you, and we do still need one
more kid.’
‘Teal? Are you really
suggesting-’
‘Come on! For Alice.’
‘Fine. For Alice.’

36. ‘I can’t believe I’m doing
this.’
‘Oh, shut up and kiss me
fool!’
Well, at least they’re not
fighting.

37. ‘These books are all useless!
I cannot find anything that
might help at all! There has
never been another
documented case of this
happening!’
Keep at it kid and I’ll ask
around. There has to be
something we can do short
and tranquillizers and truth
serum.
‘You can do that?’
Darling, I’m admiral of a
universe. I can do whatever
the heck I like. But I do
believe in freewill, so we’ll
just keep on this track.

38. ‘Alice?’
Lore? Are you going to
scream at me again? Because
I’m just on my way to check
on the twins.
‘No. It’s just…well, I know
what you and Rivers are
doing, and I have to ask you
to stop it. Before one of you
gets hurt.’
Lore, what are you plotting?
‘Nothing, but there’s some
stuff in that lab…it isn’t
stable. So just keep out,
okay.’
I’m not promising anything.
I have to protect the family.
‘Then keep out of my lab!’

39. ‘Hey there Rivers. Listen, I
heard Alice and your dad
talking earlier. What’s going
on with you lot? And what’s
all this talk about a lab?’
‘Oh…Mum…it’s just a
game. You know, just
mucking about. Dad takes it
way too seriously.’
‘Ah, he would. Well, that’s
okay then. Later kid.’
Smart thinking Rivers. The
last thing we need is her
demanding an explanation
from him.
‘I hate this.’
Me too.

40. ‘Oh, Sweetness, I hope you
don’t have to go through
what the other three have.
It’s not fair. But Daddy’s
going to make it all better,
and then we’ll be a family
and you’ll be the happiest
little girl in the world. Yes
you will.’
‘Gah?’
‘That’s right! Daddy is quite
a catch, isn’t he?’
Gads!

41. On a less serious note, Mina
just grew up into a rather
attractive bitch.

42. And I get the right to
breeding.
‘ARF!’
Yes, Rock’n’Pop is excited
about the fact.
Puppies were made and all is
well in the land of the pets.

43. ‘Alice, why do my teachers
always comment on how
cute I am?’
Because that’s your most
striking feature. Sure, you’re
also some kind of genius, but
you’re cute as a button, with
the HUGE eyes and the
freckles and the green skin.
‘Oh. Is that why she
followed me home then?’
Who?

44. ‘Hello everyone! The fun has
arrived!’
Mini-me.
‘I figured that Rivers could
use some help. Plus, have
you seen him! Wowzers!’
That’s nice of you dear.

45. ‘So, you’ll help me with my
parents.’
‘Sure thing! I love this kind
of thing. Adventures and
mysteries and stuff. If a
dragon turns up…well, then
I’ll be in nerd heaven!’
‘What are you talking
about?’
‘I have no idea. I’m ten. I
have the attention span of a
bluebottle. So, shall we get
to plotting?’
‘Yeah…I guess.’

46. ‘BigAlice seems to think that
there’s not a lot we can do
until this plot resolves itself.
It has to be allowed to run
it’s course.’
‘But, I don’t want my dad to
brainwash Mum!’
‘I know! That sucks. So,
we’ll have to figure out
something. There has to be
someway to make your
parents happy together again
without resorting to
brainwashing or any of the
other weird things in your
dad’s lab.’
‘Well duh! I had figured out
that much on my own!’
‘If that’s how you feel I can
always leave!’
‘No, sorry sorry. I’ll be
good.’

47. ‘He’s almost as bad as Teal. A new
girl here everyday.’
Oh, Lore, leave the kid alone.
Most of my friends have been
boys, ever since I was little.
‘And look how you turned out.’
I’ll pretend not to have heard that.
It’s good for him to learn that
women can be valuable friends,
not just objects for woo hoo, early
in life.
‘Crap.’
Fine! I think him being a mini-
Casanova is really cute. Whatever!
‘No morals at all.’
I thought we were over this
“morals” crap.
‘Humph! I’m going to my lab.’
Secret lab.
‘Oh yeah. I always forget the
secret bit.’
That much is obvious. The whole

48. ‘Hey, hey Alice! Look at
this!’
‘That’s great, Rivers, but
how is this helping with
getting your parents to stop
fighting/brainwashing each
other?’
‘Even genius’s need a break
sometimes!’
They sure do.

49. Time for one of the most
annoying, tedious things
since violin recitals (yes, I
used to play violin. I was
pretty darn good, but I’ve
forgotten most of it now, and
can only play Twinkle
Twinkle Little Star and
Pachebel’s Canon.). It’s a
TRIPLE birthday. The twins
and Sweetness.
So, post makeover pictures,
as ever?

50. And we have a winner. Sorry
Cinderella, but you have
been outdone on the cuteness
scale. Sweetness is just so
cute and pretty and sweet,
and is the first kid so far to
inherit Teal’s elfie ears.
‘Alice, you shouldn’t
compare us. We’re siblings
and are meant to
unconditionally love each
other. Forcing conflict is
both cruel and unethical.
Both Cinderella and I have
flaws as well as our good
points.’
That little speech earns you a
lifetime of hanging out with
Oasis.

51. ‘So, aren’t I great and
awesome?’
‘Cinderella, we have more
pressing matters at the
moment.’
‘Take that back! Nothing is
more pressing than my
beauty.’
‘Awww, come on! Family
crisis needs to be averted. No
one cares about your hair and
pretty dress.’

52. ‘You’re right.’
‘What?’
Yeah, what?
‘Mum and Dad are more
important than me and my
dress and good looks and
charm and brilliance.’
Don’t forget modesty.
‘So, what’s the plan, oh
brother of mine?’
Creepy, but that is
Cinderella.
‘I was just joking, you know.
Nothing is more important
than me!’

53. Oi, emo, out of the house.
‘Oh, hello Alice.’
Oasis?
‘Yes, it is me.’
And the clothes, hair and…
eyeliner?
‘Everyone ignores me, so I
decided to show my
frustrations in a more physical
way so that maybe my
emotions would be read and
perhaps my family would try
and comfort me. I’m not the
moron you make me out to be
Alice, and it hurts that you’re
trying to stop people wanting
me as heir so early in my life.
But what hurts the most is that
I have a plan about Dad that
might work and you never
even-’
Yeah, yeah. You’re an emo. I
get it. Can I go now?
‘If you must.’

54. Okay, just to be fair, here is
Oasis looking darn adorable.
‘Its poison in here, not
bubbles.’
That nice dear. Now back to
the interesting siblings.

55. ‘What do you think our next
course of action should be?
Breaking into Dad’s lab and
planting cameras and
microphones so we can spy
on him?’
‘Rivers, can we ever do
that?’
‘If Alice can rig camera’s in
every shower in Meridian,
we can spy on Dad.’
FYI, Meridian is the name of
the neighbourhood. I thought
it sounded spiffy.
‘I don’t think we’re going to
be able to do that, Rivers.
Let’s keep this realistic.’
‘Damn it! There goes my
time machine idea!’

56. ‘Maybe we should ask Oasis
and Sweetness to help.’
‘Those idiots? Oasis barely
has two brain cells to rub
together, and Sweetness lives
up to her name in every
sense. She’s to darn nice to
help with something that
could potentially have
devastating effects.’
‘What? No one mentioned
devastating effects.’
‘Grow up, Rivers. This is
war!’
Say what now? Cinderella
has blown a fuse!

57. ‘Lore, do you find it weird
that the kids keep following
us around, whispering to
each other?’
‘I find it weird that you
expect a civil answer from
me, your cheating hussy!’
‘*sigh* This is why it is so
hard for me to love you!’
You may want to keep the
arguing down. I spy at least
two kids hiding behind the
sofa with binoculars,
notebooks and camping gear.

58. ‘Owasis!! Kiss Sweetness.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. Now please!’
‘Oh…okay. No one’s ever
asked me to kiss them
before.’
‘Owasis sweet, like
Sweetness. He need lots of
hugs and kisses to make him
big and stwong!’
‘I guess you’re right. This is
nice.’
‘Love Owasis!’
‘Love Sweetness.’

59. ‘You good bwother. Rivers
and Cinders mean to me.
They say I’m too sweet and
small to help with Mummy
and Daddy. I’m not too
small!’
‘So…you want to help with
my plan? It’s a good one.’
‘YAY!’

60. ‘…and then we go in here,
and presto! Everything’s
back to normal and we’re a
happy family again!’
‘That’s really good, Owasis.
Why no one else listen to
you?’
‘They think that my thick
Manchester accent means
I’m an idiot, but I’m not! Not
at all.’
‘Well, this plan is super! It’s
going to work and then
everyone will love
Sweetness and Owasis!’
‘YAY!’

61. ‘Alice! Snow! Lookit!’
Teal, you’re a grown mother
of four.
‘But…snow!’
*sigh* Are you ever going to
take this all seriously?
‘If I did then I wouldn’t be
me, would I?’
Guess not.

62. RUN CINDERELLA!
‘Ahhh! Ghost! She sooooooo
does not match the walls!
That shade of green is so
tacky and disgusting.’
Wrong thing to worry about
Cinders.

63. ‘Sleep tight little Sweetness.
Sweet dreams.’
‘Love Mummy.’
‘Love Sweetness.’
‘Play tomorrow, yes? Play
and hug and has fun, yes?’
‘Sure thing little girl. You’re
just too cute to say no too.’
‘Perfect.’

64. ‘Oh, Alice! Why?’
Well, I only get one
generation per theme, so I
gotta make it worth it. But,
luckily, since Mina is also
preggers, you are having
only one kid, and it’s your
last. Enjoy it. After this, no
more bambinos. Ever.
‘Oh. YAY! *does dance*’
Oh yeah. Romance sim.

65. ‘Daddy! You love Sweetness,
yes?’
‘Of course my little green
angel.’
‘Do anything for her?’
‘Sure.’
‘And for Owasis?’
‘Of course my little one. I love
you all so much.’
‘That’s what I wanted to hear. I
has to go now Daddy. Playtime
with Owasis.’
‘Okay. Have fun.’
And with that cute and yet
somewhat bizarre conversation,
we leave off for this entry.
Come back next time for the
last of the Alternative Rock
babies, Mina’s puppy and more
insane plotting from all sides of
the household.
Laters.