Bully Prevention	<br />By Timber Monteith & Laura Cowan<br />
Definition<br />“Bullying occurs when a student is repeatedly harmed, psychologically and/or physically, by another studen...
Scenes from a Tragedy<br />Act I – Survey the Landscape<br />Bully – surveys the playground or hallway, identifies a targe...
Act II – Test Run<br />The Bully – may brush up against the target as if by accident, observes the reaction from the bulli...
Act III - Action<br />Bully – may shove the target and view him/her as an object of ridicule, not as an equal<br />Bullied...
Act IV - Emboldened<br />Bully – may finds new opportunities to taunt & torment; feels more powerful as he/she gains contr...
Act V – Pinnacle of Pain<br />Bully – may continue to torment & hurt target with increased viciousness; may become labeled...
Act VI - Finale<br />Bully – might grow up with poor sense of self, stunted social skills, aggressive; may become a bully ...
A Typical Bullying Scenario with a Not So Typical Ending<br />
Four Markers of Bullying	<br />1. Imbalance of Power<br />Older<br />Bigger<br />Stronger<br />More verbally adept<br />Hi...
Four Markers of Bullying	<br />2. Intent to Harm<br />Emotional pain<br />Physical pain<br />Expects the action to hurt<br...
Four Markers of Bullying	<br />3. Threat of Further Aggression<br />Both bully & bullied know the bullying can probably oc...
Four Markers of Bullying<br />When bullying escalates…4th element is added:<br />TERROR<br />Bullying is systematic violen...
3 Main Types of Bullying<br />1. Verbal – words are powerful tools to break the spirit of a child at the receiving end<br ...
What Bullies have in Common	<br />Dominate other people<br />Use other people to get what they want<br />Find it hard to s...
What Bullies have in Common<br />View weaker siblings and peers as prey<br />Use blame, criticism & false allegations to p...
What Bullies have in Common<br />It’s not the bully we dislike, it’s the behavior that we do not like. Bullies are often a...
Contempt is the Key<br />Bullying is often NOT about anger or conflict towards the target. Bullies are often acting out an...
Kids take after adult role models:<br />
Teasing vs. Taunting	<br />Teasing:<br />Teaser and person teased can easily swap roles<br />No intention of hurting anyon...
Teasing vs. Taunting	<br />Taunting:<br />Based on imbalance of power and is one-sided<br />Is intended to harm<br />Invol...
The Bullied	are often kids who:<br />Are the new kids on the block<br />Youngest in the school<br />Have been traumatized ...
The Bullied are often kids who:<br />Are bright, talented, gifted and ‘stand out’<br />Expresses emotions easily<br />Appe...
Kids who are bullied often do not tell anyone about it because: <br />They are ashamed of being bullied<br />They are afra...
So Now What?<br />What do we do if a child says he/she is being bullied?<br />
A few do’s if your child is bullied<br />Say “I hear you, I am here for you, I believe you, you are not alone in this”<br ...
A few don’ts if your child is bullied	<br />Do not minimize, rationalize, or explain the bully’s behavior<br />Do not rush...
Remember!<br />  Bystanders can be part of the problem or part of the solution<br />
No Innocent Bystanders	<br />Followers/Henchmen – take active part but do not start the bullying<br />Supporters – support...
Lame Excuses<br />Why do 81% (Olweus, 1995) take part in bullying or turn a blind eye?<br />The bully is my friend<br />It...
What can you do at home to prevent bullying?	<br />Parents give their kids 6 critical life messages every day<br />I belie...
What can you do at home to prevent bullying?<br />Listen to your child with an open mind<br />Create opportunities for you...
What can you do if your child bullies?<br />1). Intervene immediately with discipline – the goals should be to instruct, t...
What can you do if your child bullies?	<br />2). Create opportunities to “do good”<br />3). Nurture empathy<br />4). Teach...
Warning Signs your child is being bullied<br />Abrupt lack of interest in school or refusal to go to school<br />Takes an ...
Warning Signs<br />Is sad, sullen, angry, or scared after receiving a phone call or email<br />Does something out of chara...
Take a Stand Against Bullies!<br />
Homework<br />Have a conversation with your child about bullying. <br />An information sheet containing the do’s & don’t’s...
Resources and Bibliography<br />Coloroso, B. (2002).  The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander. Toronto: HarperCollins Pu...
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Bullying presentation for SAS

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  • Bullying issues have come to a great rise nowadays and as parents, we are the first ones to take responsibility in helping our kids avoid becoming a potential bully or worse a victim of a bully.As a way of helping everyone especially the parents, who still find it quite hard to manage issues like this, I found this great application which featured a safety app which gets me connected to a Safety Network or escalate my call to the nearest 911 when needed, it has other cool features that are helpful for your kids with just a press of a Panic Button. Check it here: http://www.SafeKidZone.com/
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Bullying presentation for SAS

  1. 1. Bully Prevention <br />By Timber Monteith & Laura Cowan<br />
  2. 2. Definition<br />“Bullying occurs when a student is repeatedly harmed, psychologically and/or physically, by another student (person) or a group of students (people)” (Olweus, 1993).<br />
  3. 3. Scenes from a Tragedy<br />Act I – Survey the Landscape<br />Bully – surveys the playground or hallway, identifies a target, looks to see if any adults are paying attention<br />Bullied – unaware he/she is being observed<br />Bystanders –laughing & enjoying one another’s company<br />
  4. 4. Act II – Test Run<br />The Bully – may brush up against the target as if by accident, observes the reaction from the bullied and the bystanders, may use crude and hurtful names<br />The Bullied – may react with a shrug, is uneasy and feels fear in his/her gut, doesn’t know what to do<br />The Bystander – may either look away or laugh (giving support and approval to the bully)<br />
  5. 5. Act III - Action<br />Bully – may shove the target and view him/her as an object of ridicule, not as an equal<br />Bullied – may blame him/herself for being attacked, feels powerless, may try to rationalize that the bully really doesn’t mean to cause any harm<br />Bystanders – some may move away & feel guilty for not stopping the bullying. Others may join in and taunt the target. Depersonalization & desensitization.<br />
  6. 6. Act IV - Emboldened<br />Bully – may finds new opportunities to taunt & torment; feels more powerful as he/she gains control over victim<br />Bullied – may spend class time trying to figure out way to avoid bully; cannot concentrate on schoolwork; gets physically sick; makes excuses to avoid playground, bathroom, lunchroom, etc…; feels hopeless & helpless<br />Bystanders – may break into two camps: one group stays clear of bully & confrontation; second group joins in the bullying. Both fear the bully & rationalize the target had it coming & is outside their circle of caring; glad it’s not them<br />
  7. 7. Act V – Pinnacle of Pain<br />Bully – may continue to torment & hurt target with increased viciousness; may become labeled a bully; fails to develop healthy relationships; may not feel empathy towards victim; views self as powerful & well liked; sense of entitlement<br />Bullied – may slump further into depression & rage – angry with self, bully, bystanders, & adults who wouldn’t or couldn’t help; also feels pressure & shame because now struggling academically; spends time thinking of ways to get revenge; might join other “undesirables” who plot revenge; withdraws further into isolation & exile<br />Bystanders- may remain fearful of bully & blame target for being a victim; join the bullying; shrug shoulders as do not see others intervening; see no need to stop it<br />
  8. 8. Act VI - Finale<br />Bully – might grow up with poor sense of self, stunted social skills, aggressive; may become a bully in personal, social, & work relationships; continue cycle of violence; may move onto criminal activities<br />Bullied – may do whatever he/she can to get rid of the pain (often results in pent-up rage exploding into violent aggression)<br />Bystander – may either get caught in the crossfire, grow up guilt-ridden for not doing anything, or become desensitized to bullying<br />
  9. 9. A Typical Bullying Scenario with a Not So Typical Ending<br />
  10. 10. Four Markers of Bullying <br />1. Imbalance of Power<br />Older<br />Bigger<br />Stronger<br />More verbally adept<br />Higher up on social ladder<br />Different race<br />Opposite sex<br />Number of kids against one person<br />
  11. 11. Four Markers of Bullying <br />2. Intent to Harm<br />Emotional pain<br />Physical pain<br />Expects the action to hurt<br />Takes pleasure in witnessing the hurt<br />Not an accident, not playful teasing, not a slip of the tongue<br />
  12. 12. Four Markers of Bullying <br />3. Threat of Further Aggression<br />Both bully & bullied know the bullying can probably occur again<br />If support is not sought or received or if it is not dealt with appropriately, the bullying may not be a one time event.<br />
  13. 13. Four Markers of Bullying<br />When bullying escalates…4th element is added:<br />TERROR<br />Bullying is systematic violence used to intimidate and maintain dominance<br />Bully acts without fear of retaliation or recrimination<br />Bullied rendered so powerless that unlikely to fight back or tell anyone about it.<br />
  14. 14. 3 Main Types of Bullying<br />1. Verbal – words are powerful tools to break the spirit of a child at the receiving end<br />2. Physical – most readily identifiable, but accounts for less than 1/3 of bullying incidents<br />3. Non-verbal – ignoring, isolating, excluding, shunning, starting/spreading rumors. At it’s most powerful during middle school years as young teens are trying to figure out who they are & trying to fit in with their peers.<br />
  15. 15. What Bullies have in Common <br />Dominate other people<br />Use other people to get what they want<br />Find it hard to see a situation from another person’s vantage point<br />Are concerned with only their own wants & pleasures, and not the needs, rights & feelings of others<br />Tend to hurt others when adults are not around<br />
  16. 16. What Bullies have in Common<br />View weaker siblings and peers as prey<br />Use blame, criticism & false allegations to project their own inadequacies onto their target<br />Refuse to accept responsibility for their actions<br />Lack foresight<br />Crave attention<br />Role models often use aggression<br />
  17. 17. What Bullies have in Common<br />It’s not the bully we dislike, it’s the behavior that we do not like. Bullies are often acting out in an unhealthy manner the pain they are feeling.<br />
  18. 18. Contempt is the Key<br />Bullying is often NOT about anger or conflict towards the target. Bullies are often acting out anger from a different source<br />Bullying is about contempt – a powerful feeling of dislike toward somebody considered to be worthless, inferior, or undeserving of respect (more often than not bullies are feeling this way about themselves).<br />Bullies often feel a sense of entitlement, an intolerance towards differences, and a liberty to exclude.<br />
  19. 19. Kids take after adult role models:<br />
  20. 20. Teasing vs. Taunting <br />Teasing:<br />Teaser and person teased can easily swap roles<br />No intention of hurting anyone<br />Maintains basic dignity of everyone involved<br />It is meant for both parties to laugh<br />Is only a small part of activities shared by kids<br />Is innocent in motive<br />Is discontinued should someone become upset or objects to the teasing<br />Teasing is necessary part of socializing & building relationships<br />Flirtation<br />
  21. 21. Teasing vs. Taunting <br />Taunting:<br />Based on imbalance of power and is one-sided<br />Is intended to harm<br />Involves humiliation, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted comments thinly disguised as a joke<br />Includes laughter directed at the target, not with the target<br />Is meant to diminish the self-worth of the target<br />Includes fear of further taunting and can be prelude to physical bullying<br />Continues especially when targeted kid becomes distressed or objects to the taunts<br />Sexual harassment<br />
  22. 22. The Bullied are often kids who:<br />Are the new kids on the block<br />Youngest in the school<br />Have been traumatized by other life events<br />Are submissive & lack self-confidence<br />Have behaviors others find annoying<br />Are unwilling or unable to stand up for themselves<br />Are shy, reserved, quiet and unassuming<br />Are rich or poor<br />Whose race, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation are viewed by the bully as inferior, deserving of contempt<br />
  23. 23. The Bullied are often kids who:<br />Are bright, talented, gifted and ‘stand out’<br />Expresses emotions easily<br />Appear physically different from norms of age group<br />wear braces or glasses<br />Have acne or another skin condition<br />Have physical attributes that are different from the majority<br />Have a physical or mental disability<br />
  24. 24. Kids who are bullied often do not tell anyone about it because: <br />They are ashamed of being bullied<br />They are afraid of retaliation<br />They don’t think anyone can help<br />They don’t think anyone will help<br />They believe the lie that it’s okay because bullying is part of growing up<br />They believe that adults are part of the lie, since it is not only kids who are bullying them<br />The have learned that “ratting” on a bully is not cool<br />
  25. 25. So Now What?<br />What do we do if a child says he/she is being bullied?<br />
  26. 26. A few do’s if your child is bullied<br />Say “I hear you, I am here for you, I believe you, you are not alone in this”<br />Validate your child’s feelings<br />Help your child see that it is not his/her fault<br />Talk with your child about an effective plan<br />Report bullying to the school<br />Help your child develop a strong sense of self.<br />
  27. 27. A few don’ts if your child is bullied <br />Do not minimize, rationalize, or explain the bully’s behavior<br />Do not rush to solve the problem for your child<br />Do not tell your child to avoid the bully unless physical safety is an issue<br />Do not tell your child to fight back<br />Do not confront the bully or the bully’s parents alone.<br />
  28. 28. Remember!<br /> Bystanders can be part of the problem or part of the solution<br />
  29. 29. No Innocent Bystanders <br />Followers/Henchmen – take active part but do not start the bullying<br />Supporters – support bullying but do not take active part<br />Passive Supporters – who like bullying but do not display open support<br />Disengaged onlookers – watch what happens, but do not take a stand<br />Possible Defenders – do not like bullying and think they should help out, but don’t<br />Defenders of the Target – do not like bullying and try to help<br />
  30. 30. Lame Excuses<br />Why do 81% (Olweus, 1995) take part in bullying or turn a blind eye?<br />The bully is my friend<br />It’s not my problem. It’s not my fight<br />The target is not my friend<br />He’s a loser<br />She deserved to be bullied, asked for it, had it coming<br />The bullying will toughen him up<br />I don’t want to be a rat or a snitch<br />It’s better to be in the “in” group than with the outcasts<br />I don’t want to be the next target<br />
  31. 31. What can you do at home to prevent bullying? <br />Parents give their kids 6 critical life messages every day<br />I believe in you<br />I trust you<br />I know you can handle life situations<br />You are listened to<br />You are cared for<br />You are very important to me<br />THESE MESSAGES HELP CHILDREN TO BUFFER THE POSSIBLE IMPACTS OF A BULLY, OR FROM THE NEED TO BECOME A BULLY!<br />
  32. 32. What can you do at home to prevent bullying?<br />Listen to your child with an open mind<br />Create opportunities for your child to talk about their lives<br />Spend time with one another (Family Dinners!)<br />Each person talks about best, worst, & funniest part of the day.<br />
  33. 33. What can you do if your child bullies?<br />1). Intervene immediately with discipline – the goals should be to instruct, teach, guide, and help your child become self-disciplined<br />Show child that he/she has done something wrong (don not mince words)<br />Give child ownership of the problem – no excuses<br />Give child a process to solve the problem he/she created<br />Leave dignity intact (child is not a bad person, but the act of bullying was not that of a caring, responsible person<br />Find out why and what triggered this behavior<br />
  34. 34. What can you do if your child bullies? <br />2). Create opportunities to “do good”<br />3). Nurture empathy<br />4). Teach friendship skills (assertive, respectful, & peaceful ways to deal with others)<br />5). Closely monitor your child’s TV viewing, video game playing, computer activities, & music<br />6). Engage in more constructive, entertaining, & energizing activities<br />
  35. 35. Warning Signs your child is being bullied<br />Abrupt lack of interest in school or refusal to go to school<br />Takes an unusual route to school<br />Grades drop<br />Withdraws from family & school activities<br />Hungry after school, saying he/she lost lunch money<br />Taking parents’ money and making lame excuses to where it went<br />Heads straight to the bathroom when gets home from school<br />
  36. 36. Warning Signs<br />Is sad, sullen, angry, or scared after receiving a phone call or email<br />Does something out of character<br />Uses derogatory or demeaning language when talking about peers<br />Stops talking about peers and everyday activities<br />Has physical injuries not consistent with explanation<br />Has disheveled, torn, or missing clothing<br />Has stomachaches, headaches, panic attacks, is unable to sleep, sleeps too much, is exhausted<br />
  37. 37. Take a Stand Against Bullies!<br />
  38. 38. Homework<br />Have a conversation with your child about bullying. <br />An information sheet containing the do’s & don’t’s of bullying, and some questions to ask your child is attached.<br />
  39. 39. Resources and Bibliography<br />Coloroso, B. (2002). The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander. Toronto: HarperCollins Publishers.<br />Thompson, M. (2002). Mom, They’re Teasing Me; Helping your child solve social problems. New York: Ballantine Books.<br />Thompson, M. (2001). Best Friends, Worst Enemies; Understanding the social lives of children. New York: Ballantine Books.<br />Garbarino, J. & deLara, E. (2002). And Words Can Hurt Forever. New York: Free Press.<br />Bonds, M. & Stoker, S. (2000). Bully Proofing Your School. Longmont, CO: Sopris West.<br />Beane, A. (1999). Bully Free Classroom. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing.<br />http://www.bullying.org/<br />
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