Bullying presentation for SAS

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  • Bullying issues have come to a great rise nowadays and as parents, we are the first ones to take responsibility in helping our kids avoid becoming a potential bully or worse a victim of a bully.As a way of helping everyone especially the parents, who still find it quite hard to manage issues like this, I found this great application which featured a safety app which gets me connected to a Safety Network or escalate my call to the nearest 911 when needed, it has other cool features that are helpful for your kids with just a press of a Panic Button. Check it here: http://www.SafeKidZone.com/
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  • 1. Bully Prevention
    By Timber Monteith & Laura Cowan
  • 2. Definition
    “Bullying occurs when a student is repeatedly harmed, psychologically and/or physically, by another student (person) or a group of students (people)” (Olweus, 1993).
  • 3. Scenes from a Tragedy
    Act I – Survey the Landscape
    Bully – surveys the playground or hallway, identifies a target, looks to see if any adults are paying attention
    Bullied – unaware he/she is being observed
    Bystanders –laughing & enjoying one another’s company
  • 4. Act II – Test Run
    The Bully – may brush up against the target as if by accident, observes the reaction from the bullied and the bystanders, may use crude and hurtful names
    The Bullied – may react with a shrug, is uneasy and feels fear in his/her gut, doesn’t know what to do
    The Bystander – may either look away or laugh (giving support and approval to the bully)
  • 5. Act III - Action
    Bully – may shove the target and view him/her as an object of ridicule, not as an equal
    Bullied – may blame him/herself for being attacked, feels powerless, may try to rationalize that the bully really doesn’t mean to cause any harm
    Bystanders – some may move away & feel guilty for not stopping the bullying. Others may join in and taunt the target. Depersonalization & desensitization.
  • 6. Act IV - Emboldened
    Bully – may finds new opportunities to taunt & torment; feels more powerful as he/she gains control over victim
    Bullied – may spend class time trying to figure out way to avoid bully; cannot concentrate on schoolwork; gets physically sick; makes excuses to avoid playground, bathroom, lunchroom, etc…; feels hopeless & helpless
    Bystanders – may break into two camps: one group stays clear of bully & confrontation; second group joins in the bullying. Both fear the bully & rationalize the target had it coming & is outside their circle of caring; glad it’s not them
  • 7. Act V – Pinnacle of Pain
    Bully – may continue to torment & hurt target with increased viciousness; may become labeled a bully; fails to develop healthy relationships; may not feel empathy towards victim; views self as powerful & well liked; sense of entitlement
    Bullied – may slump further into depression & rage – angry with self, bully, bystanders, & adults who wouldn’t or couldn’t help; also feels pressure & shame because now struggling academically; spends time thinking of ways to get revenge; might join other “undesirables” who plot revenge; withdraws further into isolation & exile
    Bystanders- may remain fearful of bully & blame target for being a victim; join the bullying; shrug shoulders as do not see others intervening; see no need to stop it
  • 8. Act VI - Finale
    Bully – might grow up with poor sense of self, stunted social skills, aggressive; may become a bully in personal, social, & work relationships; continue cycle of violence; may move onto criminal activities
    Bullied – may do whatever he/she can to get rid of the pain (often results in pent-up rage exploding into violent aggression)
    Bystander – may either get caught in the crossfire, grow up guilt-ridden for not doing anything, or become desensitized to bullying
  • 9. A Typical Bullying Scenario with a Not So Typical Ending
  • 10. Four Markers of Bullying
    1. Imbalance of Power
    Older
    Bigger
    Stronger
    More verbally adept
    Higher up on social ladder
    Different race
    Opposite sex
    Number of kids against one person
  • 11. Four Markers of Bullying
    2. Intent to Harm
    Emotional pain
    Physical pain
    Expects the action to hurt
    Takes pleasure in witnessing the hurt
    Not an accident, not playful teasing, not a slip of the tongue
  • 12. Four Markers of Bullying
    3. Threat of Further Aggression
    Both bully & bullied know the bullying can probably occur again
    If support is not sought or received or if it is not dealt with appropriately, the bullying may not be a one time event.
  • 13. Four Markers of Bullying
    When bullying escalates…4th element is added:
    TERROR
    Bullying is systematic violence used to intimidate and maintain dominance
    Bully acts without fear of retaliation or recrimination
    Bullied rendered so powerless that unlikely to fight back or tell anyone about it.
  • 14. 3 Main Types of Bullying
    1. Verbal – words are powerful tools to break the spirit of a child at the receiving end
    2. Physical – most readily identifiable, but accounts for less than 1/3 of bullying incidents
    3. Non-verbal – ignoring, isolating, excluding, shunning, starting/spreading rumors. At it’s most powerful during middle school years as young teens are trying to figure out who they are & trying to fit in with their peers.
  • 15. What Bullies have in Common
    Dominate other people
    Use other people to get what they want
    Find it hard to see a situation from another person’s vantage point
    Are concerned with only their own wants & pleasures, and not the needs, rights & feelings of others
    Tend to hurt others when adults are not around
  • 16. What Bullies have in Common
    View weaker siblings and peers as prey
    Use blame, criticism & false allegations to project their own inadequacies onto their target
    Refuse to accept responsibility for their actions
    Lack foresight
    Crave attention
    Role models often use aggression
  • 17. What Bullies have in Common
    It’s not the bully we dislike, it’s the behavior that we do not like. Bullies are often acting out in an unhealthy manner the pain they are feeling.
  • 18. Contempt is the Key
    Bullying is often NOT about anger or conflict towards the target. Bullies are often acting out anger from a different source
    Bullying is about contempt – a powerful feeling of dislike toward somebody considered to be worthless, inferior, or undeserving of respect (more often than not bullies are feeling this way about themselves).
    Bullies often feel a sense of entitlement, an intolerance towards differences, and a liberty to exclude.
  • 19. Kids take after adult role models:
  • 20. Teasing vs. Taunting
    Teasing:
    Teaser and person teased can easily swap roles
    No intention of hurting anyone
    Maintains basic dignity of everyone involved
    It is meant for both parties to laugh
    Is only a small part of activities shared by kids
    Is innocent in motive
    Is discontinued should someone become upset or objects to the teasing
    Teasing is necessary part of socializing & building relationships
    Flirtation
  • 21. Teasing vs. Taunting
    Taunting:
    Based on imbalance of power and is one-sided
    Is intended to harm
    Involves humiliation, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted comments thinly disguised as a joke
    Includes laughter directed at the target, not with the target
    Is meant to diminish the self-worth of the target
    Includes fear of further taunting and can be prelude to physical bullying
    Continues especially when targeted kid becomes distressed or objects to the taunts
    Sexual harassment
  • 22. The Bullied are often kids who:
    Are the new kids on the block
    Youngest in the school
    Have been traumatized by other life events
    Are submissive & lack self-confidence
    Have behaviors others find annoying
    Are unwilling or unable to stand up for themselves
    Are shy, reserved, quiet and unassuming
    Are rich or poor
    Whose race, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation are viewed by the bully as inferior, deserving of contempt
  • 23. The Bullied are often kids who:
    Are bright, talented, gifted and ‘stand out’
    Expresses emotions easily
    Appear physically different from norms of age group
    wear braces or glasses
    Have acne or another skin condition
    Have physical attributes that are different from the majority
    Have a physical or mental disability
  • 24. Kids who are bullied often do not tell anyone about it because:
    They are ashamed of being bullied
    They are afraid of retaliation
    They don’t think anyone can help
    They don’t think anyone will help
    They believe the lie that it’s okay because bullying is part of growing up
    They believe that adults are part of the lie, since it is not only kids who are bullying them
    The have learned that “ratting” on a bully is not cool
  • 25. So Now What?
    What do we do if a child says he/she is being bullied?
  • 26. A few do’s if your child is bullied
    Say “I hear you, I am here for you, I believe you, you are not alone in this”
    Validate your child’s feelings
    Help your child see that it is not his/her fault
    Talk with your child about an effective plan
    Report bullying to the school
    Help your child develop a strong sense of self.
  • 27. A few don’ts if your child is bullied
    Do not minimize, rationalize, or explain the bully’s behavior
    Do not rush to solve the problem for your child
    Do not tell your child to avoid the bully unless physical safety is an issue
    Do not tell your child to fight back
    Do not confront the bully or the bully’s parents alone.
  • 28. Remember!
    Bystanders can be part of the problem or part of the solution
  • 29. No Innocent Bystanders
    Followers/Henchmen – take active part but do not start the bullying
    Supporters – support bullying but do not take active part
    Passive Supporters – who like bullying but do not display open support
    Disengaged onlookers – watch what happens, but do not take a stand
    Possible Defenders – do not like bullying and think they should help out, but don’t
    Defenders of the Target – do not like bullying and try to help
  • 30. Lame Excuses
    Why do 81% (Olweus, 1995) take part in bullying or turn a blind eye?
    The bully is my friend
    It’s not my problem. It’s not my fight
    The target is not my friend
    He’s a loser
    She deserved to be bullied, asked for it, had it coming
    The bullying will toughen him up
    I don’t want to be a rat or a snitch
    It’s better to be in the “in” group than with the outcasts
    I don’t want to be the next target
  • 31. What can you do at home to prevent bullying?
    Parents give their kids 6 critical life messages every day
    I believe in you
    I trust you
    I know you can handle life situations
    You are listened to
    You are cared for
    You are very important to me
    THESE MESSAGES HELP CHILDREN TO BUFFER THE POSSIBLE IMPACTS OF A BULLY, OR FROM THE NEED TO BECOME A BULLY!
  • 32. What can you do at home to prevent bullying?
    Listen to your child with an open mind
    Create opportunities for your child to talk about their lives
    Spend time with one another (Family Dinners!)
    Each person talks about best, worst, & funniest part of the day.
  • 33. What can you do if your child bullies?
    1). Intervene immediately with discipline – the goals should be to instruct, teach, guide, and help your child become self-disciplined
    Show child that he/she has done something wrong (don not mince words)
    Give child ownership of the problem – no excuses
    Give child a process to solve the problem he/she created
    Leave dignity intact (child is not a bad person, but the act of bullying was not that of a caring, responsible person
    Find out why and what triggered this behavior
  • 34. What can you do if your child bullies?
    2). Create opportunities to “do good”
    3). Nurture empathy
    4). Teach friendship skills (assertive, respectful, & peaceful ways to deal with others)
    5). Closely monitor your child’s TV viewing, video game playing, computer activities, & music
    6). Engage in more constructive, entertaining, & energizing activities
  • 35. Warning Signs your child is being bullied
    Abrupt lack of interest in school or refusal to go to school
    Takes an unusual route to school
    Grades drop
    Withdraws from family & school activities
    Hungry after school, saying he/she lost lunch money
    Taking parents’ money and making lame excuses to where it went
    Heads straight to the bathroom when gets home from school
  • 36. Warning Signs
    Is sad, sullen, angry, or scared after receiving a phone call or email
    Does something out of character
    Uses derogatory or demeaning language when talking about peers
    Stops talking about peers and everyday activities
    Has physical injuries not consistent with explanation
    Has disheveled, torn, or missing clothing
    Has stomachaches, headaches, panic attacks, is unable to sleep, sleeps too much, is exhausted
  • 37. Take a Stand Against Bullies!
  • 38. Homework
    Have a conversation with your child about bullying.
    An information sheet containing the do’s & don’t’s of bullying, and some questions to ask your child is attached.
  • 39. Resources and Bibliography
    Coloroso, B. (2002). The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander. Toronto: HarperCollins Publishers.
    Thompson, M. (2002). Mom, They’re Teasing Me; Helping your child solve social problems. New York: Ballantine Books.
    Thompson, M. (2001). Best Friends, Worst Enemies; Understanding the social lives of children. New York: Ballantine Books.
    Garbarino, J. & deLara, E. (2002). And Words Can Hurt Forever. New York: Free Press.
    Bonds, M. & Stoker, S. (2000). Bully Proofing Your School. Longmont, CO: Sopris West.
    Beane, A. (1999). Bully Free Classroom. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing.
    http://www.bullying.org/