Debt Cancellation In Marriage
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Debt Cancellation In Marriage

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What does it mean to cancel each other's debts in marriage?

What does it mean to cancel each other's debts in marriage?

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Debt Cancellation In Marriage Debt Cancellation In Marriage Presentation Transcript

  • Debt Cancellation in Marriage
  • Pattern of Debt Accumulation X commits offense against Y (based on "What Did You Expect?" by Paul David Tripp, chapter 6)
  • Pattern of Debt Accumulation X commits offense against Y Y remembers Y remembers past hurts Xs past wrongsY keeps silent to keep peace Y attacks and accuses X (based on "What Did You Expect?" by Paul David Tripp, chapter 6)
  • Pattern of Debt Accumulation X commits offense against Y Y remembers Y remembers past hurts Xs past wrongsY keeps silent to keep peace Y attacks and accuses X Y grows more bitter toward X (based on "What Did You Expect?" by Paul David Tripp, chapter 6)
  • Pattern of Debt Accumulation X commits offense against Y Y remembers Y remembers past hurts Xs past wrongsY keeps silent to keep peace Y attacks and accuses X Y grows more bitter toward X Y mentally compiles a list of Xs wrongdoings (based on "What Did You Expect?" by Paul David Tripp, chapter 6)
  • Pattern of Debt Accumulation X commits offense against Y Y remembers Y remembers past hurts Xs past wrongs Y keeps silent to keep peace Y attacks and accuses XYs sense of self Ys sense of self affected by affected by Xs reactions Xs reactions Y grows more bitter toward X Y mentally compiles a list of Xs wrongdoings (based on "What Did You Expect?" by Paul David Tripp, chapter 6)
  • Pattern of Debt Accumulation X commits offense against Y Y remembers Y remembers past hurts Xs past wrongs Y keeps silent to keep peace Y attacks and accuses XYs sense of self Ys sense of self affected by affected by Xs reactions Xs reactions Y grows more bitter toward X Y mentally compiles a list of Xs wrongdoings Y is overwhelmed by all this and needs to find escape (based on "What Did You Expect?" by Paul David Tripp, chapter 6)
  • Pattern of Debt Cancellation X commits offense against Y (based on "What Did You Expect?" by Paul David Tripp, chapter 6)
  • Pattern of Debt Cancellation X commits offense against Y Y remembers Ys own wrongs and how Y was forgiven by God Y gives the offense to God (based on "What Did You Expect?" by Paul David Tripp, chapter 6)
  • Pattern of Debt Cancellation X commits offense against Y Y remembers Ys own wrongs and how Y was forgiven by God Y gives the offense to God Y decides to forgive X, and lovingly confronts X (based on "What Did You Expect?" by Paul David Tripp, chapter 6)
  • Pattern of Debt Cancellation X commits offense against Y Y remembers Ys own wrongs and how Y was forgiven by God Y gives the offense to God Y decides to forgive X, and lovingly confronts X X confesses/admits the wrong (based on "What Did You Expect?" by Paul David Tripp, chapter 6)
  • Pattern of Debt Cancellation X commits offense against Y Y remembers Ys own wrongs and how Y was forgiven by God Y gives the offense to God Y decides to forgive X, and lovingly confronts X X confesses/admits the wrong X refuses to confess (based on "What Did You Expect?" by Paul David Tripp, chapter 6)
  • Pattern of Debt Cancellation X commits offense against Y Y remembers Ys own wrongs and how Y was forgiven by God and by X Y gives the offense to GodYs sense of self Ys sense of self defined by defined by Gods actions Y decides to forgive X, and lovingly confronts X Gods actions X confesses/admits the wrong X refuses to confess (based on "What Did You Expect?" by Paul David Tripp, chapter 6)
  • Anger vs. Forgiveness• Ephesians 4:31-32:3132
  • Anger vs. Forgiveness• Ephesians 4:31-32:313231 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamorand slander be put away from you, along with all malice.32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving eachother, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
  • Insights about Anger• Anger, as a feeling, is always valid. But it may not be justified (e.g. anger caused by misunderstanding).• Anger, as a motivation for behavior, is seldom valid.• Anger is like a boomerang: if you throw it out to hurt someone, it will come back to hurt you.• No matter how horrible things are, always greet your spouse with a smile.• Anger can be unlearned as a conditioned response. (based on Fuller Seminary CN705 class notes: http://readingreport.blogspot.com/2011/01/insights-from-day-5-at-cn705.html )
  • Insights about Forgiveness• "Forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you back." - Bishop Tutu, South Africa• Forgiveness is not reconciliation. Forgiveness is not a feeling. Forgiveness is a personal ethical decision that does not require the other persons confession or apology as a condition.• God has forgiven us before we confess our sins. Confession is a requirement for reconciliation, not forgiveness.• Dont tell the other person you have forgiven him/her unless they ask for it. Instead, you can write a "forgiveness letter" to yourself.• When you truly forgive, you have to let go of the grudges that you might continue to feel (over the course of time), and the hurt will assume less importance in your life. (based on Fuller Seminary CN705 class notes: http://readingreport.blogspot.com/2011/01/insights-from-day-5-at-cn705.html )
  • Debt Reduction Exercise1. On a piece of paper, draw a circle in the center. Inside of the circle, write a few words capturing the essence of your grudge.2. Fill the rest of the page with 10 to 15 circles.3. In each circle, write a word or phrase describing something about the person for which you are grateful.4. Hold the piece of paper at arms length. Reflect on how the grudge gets lost in a sea of gratitude.5. Reflect on whether your feeling toward the other person has changed, even just a little? Does the inflow of gratitude dilute your anger and weakened your grudge? Has your perspective broadened?6. Destroy the piece of paper (or file it in a confidential place). (based on Dr. Karen Reivichs positive psychology exercise mentioned in "Thrilled To Death" by Archibald D. Hart)