Lawyers & Emotional Intelligence: Empathy tips - containment strategies - workarounds - personal dev plan


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A key aspect of successful lawyering involves empathy and the EQ-i 2.0 assessment helps lawyers tap into development opportunities. Once known, a development plan can chart the pathway to increasing self-understanding, improving empathy skills, and providing more excellent legal service to clients.

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Lawyers & Emotional Intelligence: Empathy tips - containment strategies - workarounds - personal dev plan

  1. 1. The Interpersonal Composite Empathy Subscale Personal Development Plan Tips, Containment Strategies, and Work-Arounds Presented by Dan DeFoe, JD MS - Adlitem Solutions Certified Administrator – EQ-i 2.0 1 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  2. 2. Definition-Emotional Intelligence( E.I.) From Multi-Health Systems Remember the definition of Emotional Intelligence under the EQ-i 2.0 Model: Emotional intelligence is a set of emotional and social skills that collectively establish how well we: • Perceive and express ourselves • Develop and maintain social relationships • Cope with challenges • Use emotional information in an effective and meaningful way 2 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  3. 3. The EQ-i 2.0 Model – Interpersonal Realm • “People skills” • High function here associates with being responsible and dependable, inspiring trust, and being a good team member • Refers to the ability to develop and maintain relationships based on trust and compassion, articulate an understanding of another’s perspective and act responsibly while showing concern for others, their team or their greater community/organization • Relate well in variety of situations 3 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  4. 4. The EQ-i 2.0 Model – Interpersonal Realm Where Is Empathy Subscale? Interpersonal relationships… Empathy Social responsibility 4 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  5. 5. EQ-i2.0 Model DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013 5
  6. 6. Alignment DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013 6
  7. 7. Empathy - Summary A good summary statement is: “Empathy is recognizing, understanding, and appreciating how other people feel. Empathy involves being able to articulate your understanding of another’s perspective and behaving in a way that respects others’ feelings. At the core of empathic behavior is being able to perceive and appreciate what, how, and why other people feel the way they do – being able to emotionally “read” other people – while demonstrating an interest and concern for others.” Emotional Quotient Inventory 2.0 (EQ-i 2.0) Technical Manual (Toronto: Multi-Health Systems, Inc. 2011) 7 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  8. 8. Interpersonal Composite Scale Empathy Subscale • Caring about others and showing interest and concern • Non-judgmental statement of your understanding of the other person’s world even if you disagree or find it “ridiculous” • By putting your understanding of another’s world into world can solidify relationships and can makes an adversarial relationship become collaborative – maximizes ability to get what you want or need from the other • Nothing to do with “being nice” • A potential “balance shifter” when things are tense or antagonistic 8 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  9. 9. Interpersonal Composite Scale What Empathy Is Not . . . • It is not “being nice” as in making polite, pleasant statements – but it is an accurate statement of your perceptions of the other’s thoughts and feelings • It is not sympathy . . . not “I” statements, which puts the speaker’s thoughts and feelings forward – but empathic statements begin with “you. . . .”, which can change relationships • It is not an “agreement” with the other or approval – but instead a simple acknowledgment, without passing judgment on the validity, of another’s viewpoint DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013 9
  10. 10. Ask Empathy-Seeking Questions • Excavate before express… do not assume too much about a person • Need to dig for the truth…uncover person’s deepest emotions which enable response • Personal, open-ended, non-specific and general – don’t seek “yes” or “no”, examples: • “how did you feel . . . ?” • “what did you think. . . ? • “what do you wish will . . . • Two (2) important areas for ?s: • thoughts/feelings • desires/expectations 10 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  11. 11. Empathy Process Listening 1st & Talking 2nd • You must obtain the reality inside the other person’s head and heart • Do not project your autobiography • Assume nothing about the other’s thoughts, feelings, motives, and interpretations • Be a “neutral recording device” • Put your comprehension of the other’s thoughts and feelings into words – what the person’s statements and behavior tell you about his/her internal experience 11 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  12. 12. Interpersonal Composite Scale Empathy Subscale High/Low Summary Low • Can’t understand people’s feelings • Has difficulties relating to others • Surprised by others’ reactions • Misreads social cues High • Sensitive to feelings of others • Able to put self in “others’ shoes” • Anticipates others’ reactions • Picks up on social cues 12 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  13. 13. Interpersonal Composite Scale Empathy Subscale Costs of Being High • Can’t separate feelings from business • Can’t make tough decisions • Paralysis • Can’t say no • Too concerned about others • Deny own feelings • Can lead to being a doormat DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013 13
  14. 14. Interpersonal Composite Scale Empathy Subscale General Containment Strategies • Make clear the duties and demands on others as understanding others is a key step to appropriate empathy. • Train to refine observational skill to attend to facial expressions and body language; these cues are often just as important as what is being said. • Train to be inquiring in interactions. 14 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  15. 15. Interpersonal Composite Scale Empathy Subscale General Containment Strategies (cont) • To be sure that a message has been correctly interpreted, the recipient should ask about the thoughts/feelings being conveyed. • The key point is to “put oneself in the other person’s shoes”; job exchanges, job shadowing or even role-playing can be useful in better understanding others. 15 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  16. 16. Self-Assessment Questions Empathy Questions • Aware of how others feel? • I am empathic? • I am good at understanding the way others feel? • I avoid hurting the feelings of others? • I’m in touch with others’ emotions? • I relate to the emotions of others? • I respect the way others feel? • I am sensitive to the feelings of others? • I care about others’ feelings? 16 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  17. 17. ABCDE Strategy ==> Greater EI • ABCDE is a system for altering perceptions, attitudes and behavior. Dr. Albert Ellis, the father of Rational Emotive Behavior Theory, developed this as a way to modify and change feelings. • The ABCDE system works by deductive reasoning instead of allowing feelings to get the better of you. • The power of the ABCDE system is that it enables you to defuse illogical, maladaptive beliefs and allows more rational and adaptive beliefs to emerge. • The ABCDE system is a step-by-step process. It facilitates awareness. With increased awareness, you can strengthen those skills that enhance your EI. 17 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  18. 18. ABCDEs • A is some activating event. Example is getting bumped off an airplane. • B is beliefs. This is some type of undermining and often unsubstantiated, but self-sabotaging self-talk. Example is you got bumped off the flight on purpose because they thought you didn’t care. Sometimes these are caused by “dated tapes”, which are replays of frequent and harsh statements made to you earlier in your life. Example is “Can’t you do anything right….?” • C is a reaction, the consequence . 18 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  19. 19. • D is active debate, dispute, and discarding the maladaptive, self- defeating beliefs that give rise to the Cs. • D is a an active monologue with key questions: • Where is the proof? Objective, verifiable evidence that supports each belief? • Any alternative, more logical explanations to explain the activating event? • If asked to give advice, what would you say? • Ever thought so before, and found out that I was wrong? 19 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013 ABCDEs (cont.)
  20. 20. ABCDEs (cont.) • E is effects. What happened as a result of D? How did you shift your understanding and beliefs about the activating event and, consequently, your feelings and behaviors. “The power of the ABCDE approach is that defusing illogical, maladaptive beliefs allows more rational and adaptive beliefs to emerge, and shifts your Cs to more effective, adaptive feelings and behaviors” The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success / Steven J. Stein, Howard E. Book – 3rd Ed., 2011, pages 36-45. 20 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  21. 21. Conclusion • Thank you for your interest in emotional intelligence and for taking the EQ-i 2.0 emotional intelligence assessment. • Your EQ-i 2.0 report is a snap-shot in time. It shows a pathway for you to chart personal and professional development. • Remember, the EQ-i 2.0 is about emotional intelligence, which is short- term , tactical, and dynamic skills which can be brought into play as situations warrant. • The individual building blocks of EI, shown in the 15 subscales, can be improved by coaching, training, and experience. 21 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013
  22. 22. Thank You! • This presentation should follow a feedback discussion about the results of your EQ-i 2.0 report. • Your Report provides specific suggestions, tips, and thoughts about your personal development plan. • Please check out another source of information used here: The EQ-Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success, 3rd Ed., 2011, by Steven J. Stein, PhD & Howard E. Book, MD, a practical and usable guide to what EI is all about. See also Thank you very much. Dan DeFoe, JD MS Blog – Certified EQ-i 2.0 Administrator 22 DanDeFoeJDMS-AdlitemSolutions- Copyright2013