Triple the Ripple – Abuse in Lesbian Relationships

Triple the Ripple: A glimpse at the impacts of the intersecting oppressions faced by lesbians experiencing relationship abuse in Macarthur September 2009 This talk builds on my last paper, Same Same Twice the Shame which outlined the double impact lesbians experience as woman and as lesbians experiencing relationship abuse. The third ripple, is living in area of high disadvantage with services buckling under the pressure of client numbers. Macarthur has a high numbers of people living in poverty, high unemployment and a culture of bullying and abuse. Airds High school students are striking today. Hopefully you will enjoy the images I have created using doll’s house furniture in need of repair. What I have found is

Abuse in lesbian relationships is common but getting help is not. As Lesley Laing found “Women are often hesitant to disclose unless asked directly Abused women can feel validated by a caring medical professional” Laing03 This year at WILMA I saw I saw a total of 27 lesbian counselling clients and spoke by phone with a further 38. I also heard the stories of lesbians attending the Rainbow Women Social Support group. Of these 13 clients attended for counselling about abuse in their personal relationships. Initially, only one of the lesbians identified as a victim of violence. None as a perpetrator. They did present asking for support with children, family issues, coming out, addiction, child hood trauma, grief and loss and some were looking for social contact. It was my attention to the possibility of abuse and direct questions that lead to most of them identifying the abuse. One barrier to seeking help is untrained workers.” for eg a youth worker said to me last week she didn’t ever have any lesbian clients.

The World Health Organisation says “ Gender-based violence, or violence against women (VAW), is a major public health and human rights problem throughout the world. VAW has profound implications for health but is often ignored. Many of the lesbians I counsel have histories involving violence from men, many have experienced abuse as children including physical and sexual abuse. This doesn’t mean that lesbians are not perpetrators of abuse. It just alters the dynamics of the experience for both victim and perpetrator. The impact is altered by the contributing oppressions. I am talking of sexism racism, ageism, abilities, poverty and mental health status as a start. An example of intersecting oppressions and power imbalances was when I spoke with an aboriginal lesbian mother of 2 young boys. Her boys donor dad was her girlfriends brother. Her girlfriend spiked her drinks with speed at the start of their relationship and she ended up with an addiction and a dealer girlfriend. Her girlfriend organised for a male neighbor to brake into their home and rape her. She had no family,due to early family trauma and little trust in police or other services, fearing as she had been threatened that her children would be removed.

Lesbians experience abuse at rates double and triple that of our heterosexual sisters. Looking at the prior experience of violence for the 13 lesbians I counselled about abuse in personal relationships 7 disclosed that they had been raped or sexually assaulted by a male they knew 4 lesbians disclosed childhood sexual assault by a family member or family friend 1 had been assaulted and stabbed with a with a syringe 3 had experienced heterosexual domestic violence This adds to the difficulties for lesbians in identifying violence and abuse from women in their personal relationships.

I use the term lesbophobia to describe the hatred & irrational fear o f lesbians where Sexism, mysogyny, homophobia and heterosexism combined explain why many lesbians have been victim to violence and abuse and how this contributes to their perception of and access to services.

Lesbophobia is Institutional ised eg Australian Bureau of Statistics show that women still don’t have equal pay. We earn on average 17.2% less than men, yet we pay full fare on the bus. Women are 2 1/2 times more likely to live in poverty in their old age than men. By 2019 on average women will have half the amount of superannuation than men have. The introduction of last years Equality In Same Sex Relationships Laws was discriminatory because they were introduced without a grandfather clause. This has forced heterosexual models of dependency onto lesbians who had planned their lives as financially autonomous beings. This year the Catholic church,displayed its homophobic attitudes in Brisbane when a priest was expelled for blessing lesbians and gays. On a daily basis they continue to deny women access to priesthood with a small debate about encouraging marriage for priests ..ie. letting women in via the Gods police role. Why does this all this matter?…because having expanded choices when it comes to recognising and leaving abusive relationships helps. Lesbophobia is personalised when workers use stereotypes and assumptions such as arresting and charging the victims rather than perpetrators, because short hair, jeans and a flannelette shirt is bound to have you put into the “masculine role ” and seen as a perpetrator in Campbelltown. I have heard from several lesbians that some police make unofficial after hours visits asking personal questions. The lesbians I speak with often have family, parents or adult children who disown them adding to their isolation. No wonder lesbians can have feeling s of being worthless or shame d and internalise them. Many clients have self harmed or attempted suicide where the inadequate response is a 8 hour wait in the emergency dept or an overnight stay in Waratah house followed by morning discharge and a referral letter to a psychiatrist. Cultural - There is a continual assumption of heterosexuality and h eterosexist attitudes. such as those the local Macarthur papers regularly print in particular from Judith Bond who demonises lesbians and claims we are unfit to be around children.

Lesbian abuse occurs across all races, classes, cultures, professions, ages, communities and relationship types. The lesbians I saw included fulltime & part time workers But the greater number were dependant on Centrelink for income support due to unemployment, sickness or disability. This along with 9 year long public housing lists and constantly full refuges impacts on their choices in leaving an abusive relationship. Some described their relationship as being married and living together using terms like wife, partner, girlfriend and others denied that a relationship existed at all. One young client is charged with assault after head butting her ex girlfriend after an evening of public denial of their relationship by her ex girlfriend and her new boyfriend. The case has been continually delayed due legal aid ,the police or the court itself. If she gets a job during this time she will lose her legal aid and her job opportunities will now be hampered by her impending criminal record.

Most incidents of abuse followed the traditional cycle of violence with palpable tension, explosions and remorse periods. Lesbians disclosed Physical violence eg being pushed over a balcony wall, pushed on to a road in front of moving traffic, receiving direct punches to face, attempts to run her over with car , poked with walking stick, hit over head with frying pan, being drugged Threats and intimidation such as waving an open lawn mower petrol can around kitchen when client had a lit cigarette, driving in unsafe manner, maliciously damaged to property and fire bombs thrown on roof Verbal abuse , putdowns, screaming, Cyber stalking mobile phone surveillance spamming texts and networking sites Emotional manipulation , disempowering lesbians by saying children will be removed or that they have told their support worker (me) and they have said it was OK! No chance! Isolation from support eg interfering with support by ringing the centre, making complaints about the workers, including myself. This can be challenging for some workers in women’s centres who can be blind to the tactics of a female perpetrator.

Impacts of the abuse include broken bones, cracked skull, bruises, black eyes,cuts, burns, fear, anxiety, depression, loss of income, loss of home, loss of access to children,damaged belongings,being drugged, s elf harm, low self esteem. A client who is illiterate (probably from an inability to learn at school while she was being raped at home by her uncle) was working in a workshop where she was in a secret 7 year long lesbian relationship. Her girlfriend also was a childhood sexual assault victim of her mothers boyfriend. When my client came to counseling for issues with anger, she came out and did therapy about her trauma and joined the lesbian support group She really wanted her girlfriend to get help and had organised several phone calls with me but her girlfriend was raped again by the same man and she suicided the next day.

More common to be a victim in first relationships. 10 of the 13 clients had experienced abuse in first lesbian relationships. Two lesbians discussed being the victim in one relationship and a perpetrator in another. There can be serial perpetrators. They are o ften in positions of power in social or work groups so they have easy access to new girlfriends and can banish the victim. Community responses are often to stop attending the social group or events.

It is common to hear of lesbians being drugged without their knowledge, or having their drinks spiked.

Many lesbians are familiar with being victims, and see access to services from victims perspective, minimising what is occurring, trying to change things on their own and seeing services as for heterosexuals The majority of services underestimate the impact of discrimination on lesbians. There can be an illusion of equality in mixed LGBT organizations and an illusion of being lesbian inclusive in women’s services. Lesbians are a separate group from gay men with at times opposite experiences.The merging of lesbian health with gay men’s health runs the risk of being blind to discrimination against women and its impacts on lesbians. The women's health sector (23 health centres across the state), has very few programs aimed at lesbians. We need increased lesbian services out in the suburbs and we need training for staff in human rights, discrimination and appropriate evidence based assessments when deciding who is the victim and who is the abuser.

What lesbians said they found useful Being believed Help in identifying the abuse and changing the interpretation of what happened…giving an expanded understanding of discrimination and oppression and increasing their understanding of their rights and responsibilities exploring stereotypes & the personal impacts of lesbophobia, linking to social support groups What I call How to spot a lemon - increasing skills in recognising tactics of abusers to avoid entering another abusive relationship I often use sexual trichotomy diagram cycle of violence diagram pamphlets about abuse in lesbian relationships Woman to Woman A Guide To exploring Lesbian Sexuality by Aussie Dr Carole Booth is our most popular library book. Thankyou