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Getting Past No Dealing With Difficult People






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    Getting Past No Dealing With Difficult People Getting Past No Dealing With Difficult People Presentation Transcript

    • Team A Mahoghany Andrews, Julie Messersmith, Sheryl Pickering, Casey Anderson, and Allison Smidt COM 301 UA Gina Rollings
    • Thesis
      • In this presentation we will teach you how to get past “NO”, and negotiate with difficult personalities using negotiating skills proven tactics. We have chosen to research the five difficult personalities of a perfectionist, baby, bully, aggressive, and stubborn persons. We will also provide substantial research on the foundation of negotiating by analyzing the element of negotiation, social styles, and behavioral dimensions. This world is full of people from different environments, families, and cultures, which contribute to our personalities. It is our intention to provide you with information that will assist you with how to communicate, understand, and negotiate with people using the above five common difficult personality types.
    • The Elements of Negotiation
    • 7 Elements (Harvard Negotiation Project, 2006)
      • 1 . ALTERNATIVES. These are the walk-away alternatives which each party has if agreement is not reached. These are things that one party or another can do by self-help, without requiring the agreement of the other. In general, neither party should agree to something that is worse for that party than its "BATNA" -- its Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement.
      • 2. INTERESTS This is the word we use for what it is that somebody wants. Underlying the positions of the parties are their needs, their concerns, their desires, their hopes and their fears. Other things being equal, an agreement is better to the extent that it meets the interests of the parties.
      • 3. OPTIONS. We use this word to identify the full range of possibilities on which the parties might conceivably reach agreement. We refer to options "on the table" or which might be put on the table. "We might decide that you get the orange, that I get it, that we cut it in half, or we might decide that I can have the peel for baking and that you can have the fruit to eat. They are all options. We have not yet decided." Generally speaking, an agreement is better if it is the best of many options; if it could not be better for one party without being worse for another.
      • 4. LEGITIMACY. Other things being equal, an agreement is better to the extent that each party considers it to be fair as measured by some external benchmark, some criterion or principle beyond the simple will of either party. Such external standards of fairness include international law, precedent, practice, or some principle such as reciprocity or most-favored-nation treatment.
    • 7 Elements (cont’d)
      • 5. COMMITMENT. Commitments are oral or written statements about what a party will or won't do. They may be made during the course of a negotiation or may be embodied in an agreement reached at the end of the negotiation. In general, an agreement will be better to the extent that the promises made have been well planned and well-crafted so that they will be practical, durable, easily understood by those who are to carry them out, and verifiable if that is important.
      • 6. COMMUNICATION. Other things being equal, an outcome will be better if it is reached efficiently without waste of time or effort. Efficient negotiation requires effective two-way communication.
      • 7. RELATIONSHIP. A negotiation has produced a better outcome to the extent that the parties have improved their ability to work together rather than damaged it. Most important negotiations are with people or institutions with whom we have negotiated before and will be negotiating again. Whatever else a relationship may involve, one crucial aspect is an ability to deal well with differences. One dimension of the quality of a negotiated outcome is the quality of the resulting working relationship: Are the parties better or worse able to deal with future differences?
    • Social Styles/Behavioral Dimensions (Styles of Negotiation, 2008)
      • A person’s Social Style is measured in relation to three behavioral dimensions:
        • Assertiveness
        • Responsiveness
        • Versatility
      • The Assertiveness Scale:
      • Measures the degree to which a person is seen as attempting to influence the thoughts, decisions or actions of others either directly by tell behavior or by questioning, i.e. ask behavior.
      • Tell Behavior: Is risk-taking, fast-paced, challenging.
      • Ask Behavior: Is co-operative, deliberate actions, minimizing risks.
      • The Responsiveness Scale:
      • Measures the degree to which a person either openly expresses their feelings or controls their feelings. The ends of the scale are “control” and “emote”.
      • Control Behavior: Is disciplined, serious, and cool.
      • Emote Behavior : Is relationship oriented, open, and warm.
      *The two scales combine to give a two-dimensional model of behavior, which will help you to understand how others perceive you. *The dimensions of behavior will also help you to plan how you can deal more effectively with people of different Social Styles.
    • The Four Social Styles and How You Should Negotiate With Them:
      • Driver: The Director.
      • Assertive but not responsive
      • Task rather than people oriented.
      • Decisive and determined
      • Controlled emotions
      • Set on efficiency and effectiveness.
      • Likes control, often in a hurry.
      • Firm, stable relationships
      • Stubborn, tough. impatient.
      • Inflexible poor listener.
      • To Negotiate With Drivers:
      • Plan to ask questions about and discuss specifics, actions and results.
      • Use facts and logic.
      • When necessary, disagree with facts rather than opinions. Be assertive.
      • Keep it business-like, efficient and to the point.
      • Personal guarantees and testimonials are least effective . better to provide options and facts.
      • Do not invade personal space.
    • Why are People Stubborn? (Erlinewordpress.com, 2008)
      • A stubborn individual is usually one who has decided not to learn anything new. “I’ve been doing it this way for x number of years and I don’t see any reason to change now.” It is helpful to remember that when dealing with this discontented personality that this individual is afraid that you might want to change something that they are deeply attached to. This person may actually be expressing a fear that you are trying to be too controlling for them. Give them the extra time to adjust to changes and do your best not to surprise them. Never make sudden demands and make sure to give them some options and choices. Be casual, and calm in your approach with them. Let them give input on issues, rather than telling them what to do.
    • How it hurts the person:
      • Stubborn people resist changes that threaten their sense of security.  They stall on giving answers and participating in their workplace as a team member.  They may grit their teeth or become upset easily when someone want to change something.  They tend to say “no” very quickly without listening to what is being asked of them.  When pushed or rushed, they get may angry and dig in their heels even more.
    • How Being Stubborn Effects The Workplace and How To Communicate With Stubborn People (Itstime.com, 2008)
      • How it affects the workplace:
        • Stubborn people become known as roadblocks to progress, ridiculed or ignored until it’s too late.  Then, they become even more difficult because they are being pushed even more.  They can sabotage projects, avoid decisions and create havoc for others who need to get things done.
      • How to improve communication:
        • Remember that a stubborn person is feeling afraid that you might want to change something that they are attached to.  They may feel that you are too controlling for them.
        • Give the person extra time to adjust to whatever is changing.  Don’t surprise them.  Never make sudden demands.  Give them options and choices.  Be casual in your approach.  Be calm with them.  Ask them for input on issues, rather than telling them what to do.
    • What defines a Perfectionist?
      • Achievement and accomplishment are what drive perfectionists as well as obtaining high personal standards (Liley, 2006)
      • Become defensive and oversensitive when criticized (Borysenko, 2004)
      • Find it difficult to joke and be flexible (Borysenko, 2004)
      • Focus on the small details ( Liley, 2006)
      • Obsessed with rules and regulations (Liley, 2006)
      • Often procrastinate due to their constant need to get everything perfect (Borysenko, 2004)
      • Often self-criticize, feel anxious, and feel guilt when things don’t go perfect (Borysenko, 2004)
    • Are you a Perfectionist? (Kanarek, 1994)
      • Five simple questions can help you determine whether or not you are a perfectionist and if it is hindering you from having a fully productive day.
        • Do you often find yourself focusing on top-priority projects while ignoring other tasks that are also important?
        • Are you able to share the work load with others or do you feel you are always the perfect one for the job?
        • Are you doing things well but are unable to recognize this because you are constantly concerned with improving?
        • Do you often start projects but rarely finish them because you feel you’re capable of doing every task that comes your way?
        • Do you often expect others to work at the same pace as you and wonder why some are unable to function at the same pace as you?
      • Perfectionist Quiz (About.com, 2009)
        • http://stress.about.com/library/perfectionism/bl_perfectionism_quiz.htm
    • Children Who Are Perfectionists (Greenberg, 2006)
      • Children can show signs of perfectionism early on in life and there are various ways in which parents and mentors can “deal” with these children as well as helping the child learn to deal with their perfectionism.
        • Be a role model proving it’s okay to not be perfect
        • Teach children that others do not like to be criticized and that it is favorable to praise others for the good things they do
        • Teach children to be tolerant of other’s differences
        • Support children in being creative and flexible
        • Emphasize the importance of learning rather than performing
    • How to Deal with Perfectionists
      • Help them organize their time on each project (Liley, 2006).
      • Constantly focus them on the big picture rather than the details (Liley, 2006)
      • Give them permission to be imperfect (Liley, 2006)
      • Don’t be afraid to gently tell the perfectionist boss if you need a break from his/her long hours of commitment (Liley, 2006)
      • Focus them on their strengths so they don’t dwell on perfecting what they may not be good at (Kanarek, 1994)
      • Help them realize everyone works at different paces and have different ways of reaching similar goals (Kanarek, 1994)
    • Baby Personality
      • Someone with a baby personality type can be very difficult to deal with. They get to be very defensive and annoying.
    • Baby (Manning 1995-2006)
      • Defensive
        • When trying to make a point
        • Don’t allow to be hopeful or positive in the conversation
        • Will always be looking at the negative side of all conversations
    • Baby (Lond, 2007)
      • Annoying
        • worst part of the baby personality is they have a tendency to be very whiney
        • The hardest challenge in conversations with them is you need to have the patience to get past the whiney negative behaviors they tend to have
    • Baby (Lond, 2007)
      • Annoying
        • worst part of the baby personality is they have a tendency to be very whiney
        • The hardest challenge in conversations with them is you need to have the patience to get past the whiney negative behaviors they tend to have
    • Dealing with a Baby (Manning 1995-2006)
          • It is best to allow the baby to immediately have what they want.
          • If you where to interrupt the baby then they become defensive again.
          • Be patient and keep positive.
          • Point out the negative things, then logically dismiss them.
    • Characteristics of a Bully (bullyonline.org, 2008)
      • is a control freak
      • manipulates people or situations
      • Excessive criticism, belittles others
      • Gives take it or leave it type offers
      • Attempts to undermine you and your position, status, worth, value, and potential
      • Shouts or threatens people
    • How do you know you are dealing with a bully? (Shaler, 2007; Liley, 2006)
        • a refusal to acknowledge your contributions, achievements, and value.
        • Being overloaded with work or having all of your work taken away and replaced with either menial tasks or no work at all.
        • Finding that your work is being attributed to another.
        • Being given unrealistic goals (bullyonline.org, 2008)
    • What NOT to do in dealing with a bully:
        • Do not adopt the same attitude as the bully.
          • Don’t respond with yelling or other bully behaviors as this will only exacerbate the situation.
        • Avoid a clash of wills.
          • Focus on the information, don’t let things get to an emotional level. (Shaler, 2007)
        • Don’t become a victim.
          • If you cannot kill them with kindness, get out of the way. Bullies love an audience! (Liley, 2006)
    • How to Best Approach a Bully
        • Be Prepared – Know your goal and stay focused on it (Shaler, 2007).
        • Always keep your composure – Remain calm and professional.
        • Show the bully that you want to work together as a team
          • Emphasize the points that you both agree on. (Shaler, 2007)
        • Use calming phrases:
          • I can tell that you are upset, worried, etc.
          • Tell me more about that…
          • Let me be sure that I understand you…
        • Become a mirror - rude comments repeated back to the bully may get him to rethink what he has said. (Lilley, 2006)
        • Set limits for yourself - Never accept a deal from a bully that you would not accept from somebody else (Donaldson, 1996).
        • If you cannot reach an agreement - Consider changing the negotiator.
    • Aggressive Personality (Bergman, James & McIntyre, 2004)
      • People with an aggressive personality tend to interpret conversations with others as contest to establish dominance. In order to do so they will behave in a hostile to show strength or bravery, which they feel will gain the respect from others.
      • Aggressive people feel the most effective way to deal with frustrating and angry situations by using some form of aggression. They also feel the desire to inflict some type of harm on their target because it may make them feel better.
      • A person with an aggressive personality lacks control over their aggressive impulses, resulting in aggressive acts which they may later regret.
    • Characteristics of an Aggressive Personality
      • Head and Face
        • Frowns
        • Presses lips tightly together
        • Assumes a set facial expression
        • Baring teeth
        • Juts chin out and upwards
        • (Sutherland,1997)
      • Body
        • Leans forward with arms crossed
        • Hands on hops
        • Unable to sit still/pacing
        • Tense
        • Stands or sits in close proximity to others
        • (Sutherland,1997)
      • Eyes
        • Maintains strong eye contact
        • Cold hard stare
        • Piercing/glaring eyes
        • Will be last to look away in a conflict situation
        • ( Sutherland,1997 )
    • Characteristics of an Aggressive Personality
      • Hands
        • Sharp
        • Provocative hand gestures (clenched fists)
        • Shaking of fist
        • Finger pointing and stabbing actions
        • (Sutherland,1997)
      • Voice
        • Terse
        • Abrupt and threatening speech
        • Cold and loud
        • Tends to raise voice at the end of sentences
        • (Sutherland,1997)
    • Why Are People Aggressive?
      • An person with an aggressive personality is aggressive towards others because in most cases they have received an reward or reinforcement for their behavior (Sutherland, 1997).
      • They want to dominate and win, so they will resort to aggressive behavior because passive people will back down. When the aggressive person dominates they feel a sense of power over the other (Sutherland, 1997)
      • Some people are aggressive because they fail to think rationally about themselves and also because they were allowed to win at some point by acts of aggression (Sutherland, 1997)
      • Because the aggressiveness rewarded them they are more likely to engage in hostile situations then non aggressive people (Bergman, James, & McIntyre, 2004)
    • Dealing With Aggressive People
      • One of the most important things to do when dealing with aggressive people is to diffuse aggression and avoid resorting to anger and aggression yourself when dealing with an aggressive person
      • (Sutherland, 1997).
    • 13 Tips For Dealing With an Aggressive Person (Sutherland, 1997)
      • Gain Control of your thoughts and feeling by breathing properly.
      • Gain information by asking questions to ensure you understand the situation. Then encourage the aggressor to talk about the reason’s for their aggression
      • Check your own inner dialogue for faulty thinking and decide if you are being unrealistic as well.
      • Use empathetic listening to show the aggressor that you understand what they are saying, that you respect them, and take them seriously.
      • Clarify any discrepancies that may exist between both parties. Note that aggressive behavior is often caused by misunderstandings
      • Explain to the aggressor how you are feeling and how their behavior is impacting your actions.
    • 13 Tips For Dealing With an Aggressive Person
      • Discuss alternative behavior or actions.
      • If the aggressor won’t stop, cut off interaction by leaving the situation.
      • Try to find things in the aggressor’s argument you can agree with.
      • Use the broken record technique to refuse a request and get you point across.
      • Use the power of silence to maintain and gain control of an aggressive situation.
      • Practice saying, “NO”
      • Fogging Technique: Use this technique to diffuse the argument, it will help you to see what is happening without agreeing with it and becoming defensive or aggressive too.
      • (Sutherland, 1997)
    • Conclusion:
      • Whether in the work world or life in general, different personalities will require different types of negotiation skills. We have given you tips on how to deal with five common personality types, people who are a perfectionist, a baby, a bully, aggressive, and stubborn personalities. Using the procedures we have put forth in this presentation, getting past “NO” will become effortless!
    • References
      • About.com. (2009). Are You a Perfectionist? Take the Quiz: Does Perfectionism Cause You Stress? Retrieved January 29, 2009, from http ://stress.about.com/library/perfectionism/bl_perfectionism_quiz.htm .
      • Bergman, S.M., James, L.R., & McINtyre M.D. (2004) Identifying the Aggressive Personality. Knoxville, TN: The Haworth Press Inc.
      • Borysenko, J. (2004). The blessings of imperfection. Prevention, 56, 103-107.
      • Bullyonline.org (2008). The Serial Bully. Retrieved February 3, 2009, from http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm
      • Donaldson, M. (1996). Negotiating for Dummies (2nd ed.). New York: Hungry Minds, Inc.
      • Erlineworldpress.com. (2008). Dealing with the Stubborn Personality. Retrieved February 6, 2009,
        • from http://erinle.wordpress.com/2007/04/01/dealing-with-the-stubborn-personality/.
      • Greenberg, P. (2006). When a child wants everything to go her way. Scholastic Parent & Child,13 , 26- 27.
      • Harvard Negotiation Project. (2006). The 7 Elements of Negotiation. Retrieved February 6, 2009, from http://www.pon.harvard.edu .
      • Itstime.com. (2008). Dealing with Difficult People. Retrieved February 6, 2009, from http://www.itstime.com.
      • Kanarek, L. (1994). The perils of perfectionism. Executive Excellence, 11 , 12.
      • Leibling, M. (2005). How People Tick: A Guide to Difficult People and How to Handle Them. London: Kogan Page Limited
      • Liley, R. (2006). Dealing With Difficult People . Kogan Page, Limited.
      • Lond, L. (2007, October 16). 5 Difficult Personality Types You May Encounter at Work and How to Deal with Them . Retrieved January 26, 2009, from Associated Content Web site: http :// www.associatedcontent.com/article/410815/5_difficult_personality_types_you_may.ht ml?cat=49
      • Manning, Dr. M. Seven Difficult Personality Types and How to Deal with Them. Retrieved January 26, 2009, from The Consulting Team. Web site: http ://www.mmanning.com/Articles/sevendifficultpersonalitytypes.htm
      • Shaler, R. (2007). How to Handle Bullies at Work. Retrieved February 3, 2009 from http ://www.4hoteliers.com/4hots_fshw.php?mwi=1848
      • Sutherland, V.J. (1997). 30 Minutes to Deal with Difficult People. Milford, CT: Kogan Page, Limited