The perfect storm of narcissism and social media

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This is an evolving powerpoint that goes along with a paper I am writing on the impact of technology. Here is the abstract of the paper. The PPT is not was well organized yet, but it has served as a …

This is an evolving powerpoint that goes along with a paper I am writing on the impact of technology. Here is the abstract of the paper. The PPT is not was well organized yet, but it has served as a place to kepe my notes.

"Much is in the news today about what is becoming of the next generation. Discussants usually say one of two things. On one side, researchers say that technology will impact a child's development and lead to increases in narcissism. Others feel that there is nothing to be alarmed about and this is a common cry of every newer generation about the older. Using the current research as well as experiences from the classroom and consulting room, the author in this paper uses a psychoanalytic frame to redefine the question and hopefully establish a more practical way about thinking and feeling about technology, narcissism, and the state of things to come. "

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  • I originally intended to use this to highlight drive theory but it has become more. My read on it (other interpretations are posted below from Wikipedia) is that she BELIEVES there is a curse, when she breaks it (OK- so I cant explain the mirror as anything other than a BLACK SWAN type of idea – that is something again in her own head) she sets herself up to freeze to death on the river. I hope here to weave SherryTurkle’s work (Alone Together). This story and read shows how people are distanced from society, and what I ADD is that there are reasons- defensive self-preserving reasons for- for such a distance, but it ts our job as psychoanalytically informed counselors and analysts to help people in individual treatment and in groups to learn connections that are not taught now as a result of our use of technology (What Turkle referred to in her BIP/MFA talk as the “perfect storm”. I heard it to be the rise in narcissism and the inability to tolerate real frustrations that cause people to use catharsis as a way of living- that is- I have a feeling and so I am going to facebook status, text, email, tweet so that my mind can believe that other hear me and I feel connected– but that is a false connection and the mind is tricked. The first four stanzas describe a pastoral setting. The Lady of Shalott lives in an island castle in a river which flows to Camelot, but little is known about her by the local farmers.And by the moon the reaper weary,Piling sheaves in uplands airy,Listening, whispers, " 'Tis the fairyLady of Shalott.”Stanzas five to eight describe the lady's life. She suffers from a mysterious curse, and must continually weave images on her loom without ever looking directly out at the world. Instead, she looks into a mirror which reflects the busy road and the people of Camelot which pass by her island.She knows not what the curse may be,And so she weavethsteadily,And little other care hath she,The Lady of Shalott.The reflected images are described as "shadows of the world," a metaphor that makes clear that they are a poor substitute for seeing directly ("I am half-sick of shadows.") Stanzas nine to twelve describe "bold Sir Lancelot" as he rides by, and is seen by the lady.All in the blue unclouded weatherThick-jewell'd shone the saddle-leather,The helmet and the helmet-featherBurn'd like one burning flame together,As he rode down to Camelot.The remaining seven stanzas describe the effect on the lady of seeing Lancelot; she stops weaving and looks out her window toward Camelot, bringing about the curse.Illustration by W. E. F. Britten for a 1901 edition of Tennyson's poems.Out flew the web and floated wide-The mirror crack'd from side to side;"The curse is come upon me," criedThe Lady of Shalott.She leaves her tower, finds a boat upon which she writes her name, and floats down the river to Camelot. She dies before arriving at the palace. Among the knights and ladies who see her is Lancelot, who thinks she is lovely."Who is this? And what is here?"And in the lighted palace nearDied the sound of royal cheer;And they crossed themselves for fear,All the Knights at Camelot;But Lancelot mused a little spaceHe said, "She has a lovely face;God in his mercy lend her grace,The Lady of Shalott."[edit]ThemesAccording to scholar Anne Zanzucchi, "[i]n a more general sense, it is fair to say that the pre-Raphaelite fascination with Arthuriana is traceable to Tennyson's work".[2] Tennyson's biographer LeonéeOrmonde finds the Arthurian material is "Introduced as a valid setting for the study of the artist and the dangers of personal isolation".Modern critics[citation needed] consider "The Lady of Shalott" to be representative of the dilemma that faces artists, writers, and musicians: to create work about and celebrate the world, or to enjoy the world by simply living in it. Feminist critics[citation needed] see the poem as concerned with issues of women's sexuality and their place in the Victorian world. The fact that the poem works through such complex and polyvalent symbolism indicates an important difference between Tennyson's work and his Arthurian source material.[original research?] While Tennyson's sources tended to work through allegory, Tennyson himself did not.Critics such as Hatfield[citation needed] have suggested that The Lady of Shalott is a representation of how Tennyson viewed society; the distance at which other people are in the lady's eyes is symbolic of the distance he feels from society. The fact that she only sees them through a window pane is significant of the way in which Shalott and Tennyson see the world—in a filtered sense. This distance is therefore linked to the artistic licence Tennyson often wrote about.PART II  There she weaves by night and day A magic web with colours gay. She has heard a whisper say, A curse is on her if she stay [5] To look down to Camelot. She knows not what the 'curse' may be, And so [6] she weaveth steadily, And little other care hath she, The Lady of Shalott.  And moving thro' a mirror clear That hangs before her all the year, Shadows of the world appear. There she sees the highway near Winding down to Camelot:… And sometimes thro' the mirror blue The knights come riding two and two: She hath no loyal knight and true, The Lady of Shalott. … "I am half-sick of shadows," said The Lady of Shalott. [9] 
  • PART III [Of Lancelot] As he goes by, she dares a look.   She left the web, she left the loom; She made three paces thro' the room, She saw the water-lily [16] bloom, She saw the helmet and the plume, She look'd down to Camelot. Out flew the web and floated wide; The mirror crack'd from side to side; "The curse is come upon me," cried The Lady of Shalott. 
  • PART IV  In the stormy east-wind straining, … Down she came and found a boat Beneath a willow left afloat, And round about the prow she wrote 'The Lady of Shalott.' [17]Lying, robed in snowy white That loosely flew to left and right-- The leaves upon her falling light-- Thro' the noises of the night She floated down to Camelot; And as the boat-head wound along The willowy hills and fields among, They heard her singing her last song, The Lady of Shalott. [18]  … Till her blood was frozen slowly, And her eyes were darken'd wholly, [19]
  • Freud, S. (1914). On Narcissism: An Introduction. Collectd Papers, IV. London: Hogarth Press, 1925.
  • Twenge
  • Twenge sounding likeTurkle
  • Twenge sounding like Turkle
  • Although acceptable in the urban dictionary spelling, Defecate is misspelled here. As is diarrhea.
  • http://www.alonetogetherbook.com/
  • http://psych.fullerton.edu/mbirnbaum/psych101/Eliza.htmThis one work sometimes.
  • Sonnet 73That time of year thou mayst in me behold When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang Upon those boughs which shake against the cold, Bare ruin’d choirs, where late the sweet birds sang. In me thou seest the twilight of such day As after sunset fadeth in the west, Which by and by black night doth take away, Death’s second self, that seals up all in rest. In me thou see’st the glowing of such fire That on the ashes of his youth doth lie, As the death-bed whereon it must expire Consumed with that which it was nourish’d by.    This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong,    To love that well which thou must leave ere long. SummaryIn this poem, the speaker invokes a series of metaphors to characterize the nature of what he perceives to be his old age. In the first quatrain, he tells the beloved that his age is like a “time of year,” late autumn, when the leaves have almost completely fallen from the trees, and the weather has grown cold, and the birds have left their branches. In the second quatrain, he then says that his age is like late twilight, “As after sunset fadeth in the west,” and the remaining light is slowly extinguished in the darkness, which the speaker likens to “Death’s second self.” In the third quatrain, the speaker compares himself to the glowing remnants of a fire, which lies “on the ashes of his youth”—that is, on the ashes of the logs that once enabled it to burn—and which will soon be consumed “by that which it was nourished by”—that is, it will be extinguished as it sinks into the ashes, which its own burning created. In the couplet, the speaker tells the young man that he must perceive these things, and that his love must be strengthened by the knowledge that he will soon be parted from the speaker when the speaker, like the fire, is extinguished by time.
  • When psychologists study multitasking, they do not find a story of new efficiencies. Rather, multitaskers don’t perform as well on any of the tasks they are attempting. But multitasking feels good because the body rewards it with neurochemicals that induce a multitasking high. (p163, includes references to the studies)
  • From: www.cio.comDavid Elkind: Technology's Impact on Child Growth and Development – CIOSeptember 22, 2003 There is considerable disagreement among experts regarding the effects of technology on child growthand development. Some regard technology as advancing intellectual development. Others worry thattechnology may overstimulate and actually impair brain functioning. One of the problems is that mostresearchers have taken too narrow a focus on the issue. They have looked at the impact of a particulartechnology rather than at the technological environment as a whole. One might argue that taken as anaggregate, technologies such as computers, television and cell phones create a digital culture that hasto be looked upon in its entirety rather than piecemeal. The question becomes: What is it like growing upin a high-tech world, and how does that differ from growing up at an earlier time? Part of the answer liesin the fact that the digital youth has a greater facility with technology than their parents and other adults.As a result, there is a greater disconnect between parents and children today, and some adolescentshave even less respect for the knowledge, skills and values of their elders than they did a generationago (hard as that may be to believe).Digital children evidence other worrisome traits, but first, let’s explore the culture itself. It is certainly aspeed-dominated culture—fast and getting faster. Online, we get impatient if it takes more than asecond or two to get a response from a site hundreds, maybe thousands, of miles away.Second, it is a screen culture. The movie screen has been followed by the television screen, whichbecame a computer screen, and is now downsized to a cell phone screen. Today, young people spenda large portion of their waking hours in front of one or another screen.Third, it is an information culture. In their homes, children and youth now have as immediate access toinformation as do the most erudite scholars in the world’s best libraries. Science, literature, history,drama and the arts are all at their fingertips.Finally, it is a communication culture. The Internet and cell phone have made communication with peersan instant—and at all times possible—connection.Growing up in this technological culture affects the language and concepts that children learn, andshapes their perceptions of reality. Terms like cyberspace, Internet, DVD, VCR and so on all refer todigital realities unknown to children of even the previous generation. The language, music and dress ofteenagers all speak to their lack of respect for the older generation and their need to have clearlydelineated generational boundaries. Independence from parents and adults means greater dependenceon peers for advice, guidance and support. The availability of cell phones and immediate access tofriends through instant messaging has only exaggerated this trend and quite possibly worsened thedivide between children and their parents.Digital children also have a different comprehension of space than did children of even 30 years ago.Virtual realities are such that children and youth can check out new books, games and toys; explorePrint Article CloseWindow college campuses; and make bets on sports teams, all while sitting in front of their computers. Thevirtual spaces of many computer games are extraordinarily intricate. The ability to explore and createspaces digitally, without going anywhere, keeps many young people at the computer and almostcertainly contributes to obesity among the younger generation.Children’s sense of time has changed as well. The speed of digital communication allows us to be moreproductive than ever. Perhaps that is one of the reasons we seem to believe we can accomplish more inthe time we have than we did in the past. Young children may not only attend day care or after-schoolprograms, they may also be on two teams in one season such as soccer and T-ball, or gymnastics andanother sport. School-age children are burdened with even more commitments and homework startingwith the early grades.Indeed, the focus on speed has contributed to education being seen as a race. Many parentserroneously believe that the earlier they start a child on academics, the earlier and the better he’ll finish.At the same time, because we now have so many ways to communicate—e-mail, cell phones and IM—we feel busier, and more harried. Young people incorporate this sense of urgency and too often feelguilty about taking time off to play.The high-tech culture has also changed children’s social relationships. Before the digital culturepredominated, there was a language and lore of childhood that was orally passed down from generationto generation. They consisted of games, riddles, rhymes, jibes and so on that were adapted to thechild’s immediate environment. Some were universal, like the superstitions ("Step on a crack, break yourmother’s back") or incantations like "Rain, rain go away, come again another day." Others wereimported like "London Bridge Is Falling Down." The culture of childhood made it easy for a child tobecome part of a group. All she had to do was learn the language and lore. Such play rituals werepassed down in the city streets and in country glens. They were intergenerational and made it easier forparents and children to connect.This traditional culture of childhood is fast disappearing. In the past two decades alone, according toseveral studies, children have lost 12 hours of free time a week, and eight of those lost hours were oncespent in unstructured play and outdoor pastimes. In part, that is a function of the digital culture, whichprovides so many adult-created toys, games and amusements. Game Boys and other electronic gamesare so addictive they dissuade children from enjoying the traditional games. Yet spontaneous playallows children to use their imaginations, make and break rules, and socialize with each other to agreater extent than when they play digital games. While research shows that video games may improvevisual motor coordination and dexterity, there is no evidence that it improves higher level intellectualfunctioning. Digital children have fewer opportunities to nurture their autonomy and originality than thoseengaged in free play.In many ways, then, digital children have a far different sense of reality than previous generations. Thisdigital reality is extraordinarily rich and complex. Yet children are still children in many respects. Thoughthey may be sophisticated about technology, they still love a good story told at their level. The successof the Harry Potter books attests to this truism. And while many contemporary teenagers aresophisticated users of all forms of technology, they remain as naive as preceding generations about thehuman condition. Young people today, like those of earlier generations, harbor mythical ideas aboutsexual behavior; many still believe you will not get pregnant if you do it standing up.For all of those reasons, it is more incumbent than ever that parents continue to reach out and connectwith their children. At a deeper level, our young still very much want and need the love, support andguidance of their parents. Even digital children and adolescents need a hug.© 2012 CXO Media Inc.
  • fast and getting faster- Online, we get impatient if it takes more than a second or two to get a response from a site hundreds, maybe thousands, of miles away. The focus on speed has contributed to education being seen as a race. Many parents erroneously believe that the earlier they start a child on academics, the earlier and the better he’ll finish. At the same time, because we now have so many ways to communicate—e-mail, cell phones and IM— we feel busier, and more harried. Young people incorporate this sense of urgency and too often feel guilty about taking time off to play.lack of respect for the older generation, “they don’t get it”- Growing up in this technological culture affects the language and concepts that children learn, and shapes their perceptions of reality. Terms like cyberspace, Internet, DVD, VCR and so on all refer to digital realities unknown to children of even the previous generation. The language, music and dress of teenagers all speak to and their need to have clearly delineated generational boundaries. Independence from parents and adults means greater dependence on peers for advice, guidance and support. The availability of cell phones and immediate access to friends through instant messaging has only exaggerated this trend and quite possibly worsened the divide between children and their parents.The high-tech culture has also changed children’s social relationships. Before the digital culture dominated, there was a language and lore of childhood that was orally passed down from generation to generation. They consisted of games, riddles, rhymes, jibes and so on that were adapted to the child’s immediate environment. Some were universal, like the superstitions ("Step on a crack, break your mother’s back") or incantations like "Rain, rain go away, come again another day." Others were imported like "London Bridge Is Falling Down." The culture of childhood made it easy for a child to become part of a group. All she had to do was learn the language and lore. Such play rituals were passed down in the city streets and in country glens. They were intergenerational and made it easier for parents and children to connect.This traditional culture of childhood is fast disappearing. In the past two decades alone, according to several studies, children have lost 12 hours of free time a week, and eight of those lost hours were once spent in unstructured play and outdoor pastimes.) In part, that is a function of the digital culture, which provides so many adult-created toys, games and amusements. Game Boys and other electronic games are so addictive they dissuade children from enjoying the traditional games. Yet spontaneous play allows children to use their imaginations, make and break rules, and socialize with each other to a greater extent than when they play digital games. While research shows that video games may improve visual motor coordination and dexterity, there is no evidence that it improves higher level intellectual functioning. Digital children have fewer opportunities to nurture their autonomy and originality than those engaged in free play.
  • From Perry and Szlavitz (2006) The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog: What Traumatized Children Can teach us About Loss, Love, and Healing Chp 7: The coldest Heart
  • These are commonly seen splits in abuse survivors“Use-dependent” Development of the Brain (sensitive or critical periods)Threats lead the stress response system to grow so that there is a hyper vigilance about the environment.Lack of affection and nurturing will result in under-developed compassion and self-control
  • Hrdy’s book Mother Nature: Maternal Instincts and How They Shape the Human Species- alloparents. Empathy is only expressed under certain conditions p239 Perry and Szalavitz The Boy Who was..
  • Hey everyone,I just saw this and thought that you would like it.  http://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7oDaniel   Brene Brown: The power of vulnerabilityUploaded on Jan 3, 2011Brene Brown studies human connection -- our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk at TEDxHouston, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share. She calls herself a researcher storyteller. “Lean into the discomfort of the work” She is talking about how, similar to Adam Phillips in Missing Out, people often answer questions of what something is by answering what it is now, what is missing, etc.  Connection for her about embracing vulnerability.   Shame is the fear of disconnection – if I am inadequate, people will leave me. “I am not good enough.” -- excruciating vulnerability.  Here we are at our “worst” in history: In debtMedicatedObeseAddicted  You can’t selectively numb feeling!   NO: We “perfect” our children- YES we are wired for struggle and conflict… gotta let it happen. She goes into recalls, oil spills, etc.  

Transcript

  • 1. Narcissism and Technology- Symptom, Cause, or Carry On? Is technology blocking maturation, preventing age appropriate egocentrism from fading and leaving a rise in Narcissism?
  • 2. How do we learn to relate to one another?
  • 3. Marcel Mauss’s The Gift details his observations of various Trobriand Islander’s potlatch ceremonies where etiquette is learned: • Who gives gifts to who • How long to you wait “in debt” and in what amount is the returned gift • What does it all mean?
  • 4. How do we learn it?
  • 5. Is it funny – or too true?
  • 6. Oh no! Is this a presentation about how technology is bad? • No- In fact, I love technology when it is in its place. I used PowerPoint, Google search, my iPhone, email, and tape recordings to make this presentation easy. • My goal is in fact to have you think about the following question: Which way does this go? – Does our use of technology reflect something about us as a people? (inside influences outside) – Does technology shape us? (outside influences in) – OR …
  • 7. Social Maturation • What skills do you need to “hang out” with friends? • Waiting turns (to talk, play a game, respond in a classroom) • Listening to one another • Cooperating and Sharing time (others get to have a share of the time and occasionally decide where things will go next) Can you imagine being without these basic social skills?
  • 8. Is Technology causing blocks in maturation? • Can early life experiences impact social maturation? – The drive to move from parallel to cooperative play requires that the child struggle (get optimal frustration) with the previously mentioned social skills… so Would a child take the easy road if given a chance to NOT have to wait turns, cooperate, and share….
  • 9. Could technology interfere with the progression or regress us?
  • 10. Is age-appropriate egocentrism remaining as a narcissistic trait? I plan to present: Data from Sherry Turkle on relationships and impacts of computers Data from Twenge-Arnette Debate A theoretical frame from the Psychoanalytic world to answer both
  • 11. “I found 3 stages in children's relationships with computers. 1st there is a metaphysical stage: when very young children meet computers they are concerned with whether the machines think, feel, are alive. Older children from age 7 or 8 on, are less concerned with speculating about the nature of the world than with mastering it. For many of them the 1st time they stand in front of a computer they can master is when they play their 1st videogame” p 18 Turkle (1984) Second Self
  • 12. Today’s Teens? “Today’s Teens: More Materialistic, Less Willing To Work” Study compared attitudes of three generations of American HS seniors (1976-2007). 2005 – 62% lots of money is important (vs 48% from 1976-78). 25% said work was important (vs 39% in 70s). “This type of ‘fantasy gap’ is consistent with other studies showing a generational increase in narcissistism and entitlement.”
  • 13. A rise in Narcissism? • Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is 3x’s as high for people in their 20s as for the generation currently 65 or older. • 58% of college students scored higher on narcissism scale in 2008 than in 1982 • 40% of “millenials” believe they should be promoted every two years, regardless of performance. Time Magazine, 2013, May 20th The New Greatest Generation: Why Millenials will save us all.
  • 14. A rise in Narcissism? Of Millennials (b1980-2000) … “Their development is stunted: more people ages 18- 29 live with their parents than with a spouse… and they are lazy. In 1992, the nonprofit Families and Work Institute reported that 80% of people under 23 wanted to one day have a job with greater responsibility; 10 years later, on 60% did.” Time Magazine, 2013, May 20th The New Greatest Generation: Why Millenials will save us all.
  • 15. Millennials In the 70s, people wanted to instill self esteem, “It turns out that self-esteem is great for getting a job or hooking up at a bar but not so great for keeping a job or a relationship.” And, the side effect of all that narcissism? Entitlement! Time Magazine, 2013, May 20th The New Greatest Generation: Why Millenials will save us all.
  • 16. Millenials Millennials are interacting all day but almost entirely through a screen… They might look calm, but they’re deeply anxious about missing out on something better. p29 Time Magazine, 2013, May 20th The New Greatest Generation: Why Millenials will save us all.
  • 17. The Future of An Illusion • Freud’s idea was that religion replaces and becomes the depository of the wish for a perfect person out there- • This denies the fact that all relationships include experiences of pain- narcissistic injuries. • Interestingly the lowest level of Dante’s Inferno is inhabited by the traitors- truly those responsible for narcissistic injuries…
  • 18. Dante’s 9th Circle We know we are in the unconscious, because of the dual existence of both the wish and the fear – the self-defeating elements of Satan encased in ice, something that we usually don’t imagine, trying to break free, by flying out, only to find that his wings flapping cause the ice to never melt. He is thought to be consuming: Judas Iscariot And Cain who killed his brother.
  • 19. Briefly, a Psychoanalytic Understanding of Narcissism
  • 20. Adam Phillips, On Missing Out Tragedies begin with a person in an emerging state of frustration, beginning to feel the need of something; and at the beginning, for the protagonists, they are not yet tragedies. “ growing up is always an undoing of what needed to be done: first, ideally, we are made to feel special; then we are expected to enjoy a world in which we are not.”
  • 21. Stories tell us a lot about the authors theory of mind… • Narcissus • The Lady of Shallot
  • 22. For Narcissus… Born of Rape… One day the river god Cephisus impregnates the water nymph Liriope after forcing himself upon her. After she gives birth to a boy, called Narcissus. She has trouble mirroring him… there is a distance and lack of the intimacy dance (not even 30%) She asks the prophet Tiresias about his future… Tiresias answers “If he ever knows himself, he surely dies.”
  • 23. Narcissus- missed out on early mirroring. • …in the psychoanalytic tradition, one speaks about narcissism not to indicate people who love themselves, but a personality so fragile that it needs constant support. It cannot tolerate the complex demands of other people but tries to relate to them by distorting who they are and splitting off what it needs, what it can use.. P177(Turkle, 2011)… • This often leads to the feelings others have that the narcissist is the only person in the room. They can’t tolerate the threat of narcissistic injury others pose. (Intolerance and inability to share, take turns, etc.?)
  • 24. What is in our own mind? What expectations do we bring with us about relationships? - -conscious or unconscious? What are the blueprints for our future relationships?
  • 25. The Lady of Shallot Trapped in her tower because she feels cursed- nothing specific- but feels that directly interfacing with the world will bring on bad things-so she uses technology, her mirror and loom, to capture the world.
  • 26. One day, she sees Lancelot in the mirror and and looks outside herself. The mirror cracks and she feels the curse is upon her.
  • 27. She gets in a boat in the river, thin dress of satin, bed of roses-and freezes to death. Suicide? Or Curse?
  • 28. What is age-appropriate egocentrism and what is pathological narcissism? Freud (1914) “We may conclude… with a a short survey of the paths leading to object choice. A person may love, according to narcissistic type: – What he is himself (actually himself) – What he once was – What he would like to be – Someone who was once part of himself (p47)
  • 29. Might we choose the easy way out? • Growing up and being an adult sucks! – People want you to use your words instead of them just reading your mind – You have to wait your turn – You have to share – You have to cooperate Sounds familiar? Why be frustrated when you don’t have to be? So…
  • 30. Gen ME or WE? The Twenge / Arnette debate GEN ME: Millennial growing up with the net, aka A Millennial Edition Today’s under-35 young people are the real Me Generation, or, as I call them, Generation Me. Born after self-focus entered the cultural mainstream, this generation has never known a world that put duty before self. (pg 1) Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled--and More Miserable Than Ever Before
  • 31. • , Whitney Houston’s No. 1 hit song declared that “The Greatest Love of All” was loving yourself. • legalized abortion, and a cultural shift toward parenthood as a choice made us the most wanted generation of children in American history. (p4) • I am also not saying that this generation is selfish. For one thing, youth volunteering has risen in the last decade. As long as time spent volunteering does not conflict with other goals, GenMe finds fulfillment in helping others. We want to make a difference. • some very convincing evidence that depression and anxiety are markedly more prevalent among younger generations. These shifts in averages are important.
  • 32. • some very convincing evidence that depression and anxiety are markedly more prevalent among younger generations. These shifts in averages are important. p9 • Only 1% to 2% of Americans born before 1915 experienced a major depressive episode during their lifetimes, even though they lived through the Great Depression and two world wars. p105 • Today, the lifetime rate of major depression is ten times higher—between 15% and 20%. Some studies put the figure closer to 50%. In one 1990s study, 21% of teens aged 15 to 17 had already experienced major depression. P105.
  • 33. • Replicating Asch’s study: in 1980, they got completely different results: few people conformed to the group anymore. Apparently, it was no longer fashionable to go along with the group even when they were wrong. The authors of the study concluded that the Asch study was “a child of its time.” • It goes beyond manners—people today are less likely to follow all kinds of social rules. Business professor John Trinkaus finds that fewer people now slow down in a school zone, and fewer observe the item limit in a supermarket express lane. More people cut across parking lots to bypass stoplights. In 1979, 29% of people failed to stop at a particular stop sign in a New York suburb, but by 1996 a stunning 97% of drivers did not stop at all. In Trinkaus’s most ironic finding, the number of people who paid the suggested fee for lighting a candle at a Catholic church decreased from 92% to 28% between the late 1990s and the early 2000s. In other words, 72% of people cheated the church out of money in the most recent observation. • Cheating in school has also increased. In 2002, 74% of high school students admitted to cheating, up from 61% in 1992.
  • 34. • “Downsizing” and “outsourcing” are the modern corporate equivalents of rudeness—and a lot more devastating. • When we’re all on a first-name basis, the specter of authority takes yet another step back into the shadows of a previous era. • Religion being highly individualized (Arnette, fewer than 23% are conservative) is like a personal relationship with “Jesus” over his father • The Narcissistic wound caused by listening to others (pg 40) is preferred even at the expense of no one in class liking the person who interrupts all the time
  • 35. • In the late 1990s, Prudential replaced its longtime insurance slogan “Get a Piece of the Rock” with the nakedly individualistic “Be Your Own Rock.” The United States Army, perhaps the last organization one might expect to focus on the individual instead of the group, has followed suit. Their standard slogan, adopted in 2001, is “An Army of One.” • Some people have wondered if the self-esteem trend waned after schools began to put more emphasis on testing during the late 1990s. It doesn’t look that way. Parenting books and magazines stress self-esteem as much as ever, and a large number of schools continue to use self-esteem programs. • Teacher training courses often emphasize that a child’s self-esteem must be preserved above all else. A sign on the wall of one university’s education department says, “We Choose to Feel Special and Worthwhile No Matter What.”
  • 36. • In 2004, 48% of American college freshmen—almost half—reported earning an A average in high school, compared to only 18% in 1968, even though SAT scores decreased over this time period. • All evidence suggests that narcissism is much more common in recent generations. In the early 1950s, only 12% of teens aged 14 to 16 agreed with the statement “I am an important person.” By the late 1980s, an incredible 80%—almost seven times as many—claimed they were important. • Psychologist Bonnie Zucker, interviewed for a People magazine article on “Kids Out of Control,” saw a 10- year-old whose parents let him decide whether or not to go to school—if he didn’t want to go, he didn’t go.
  • 37. • the people who talk loudly on their cell phones, oblivious to their effect on others. GenMe didn’t pioneer this trend—it’s popular among middle-aged people as well—but young people are certainly continuing it. It’s not the technology that causes the problem, but the attitude that comes with it, an attitude that captures the trend toward self-importance better than almost anything else. “Years ago, cell phones were the province of the powerful, but now that they are mass-market items, everyone has delusions of grandeur,” (p103)
  • 38. • It’s almost as if we are starving for affection. “There is a kind of famine of warm interpersonal relations, of easy-to-reach neighbors, of encircling, inclusive memberships, and of solid family life,” argues political scientist Robert Lane. To take the analogy a little further, we’re malnourished from eating a junk-food diet of instant messages, e-mail, and phone calls, rather than the healthy food of live, in-person interaction. Twenge, ME, p110
  • 39. Society’s Mirror in Film I like to say that modern movies have only four themes: “Believe in yourself and you can do anything,” “We are all alike underneath,” “Love conquers all,” and “Good people win.” (Do try this at home; almost every recent movie fits one of the four.) All of these themes tout the focus on the self so common today; in fact, it is downright stunning to realize just how well movies have encapsulated the optimistic, individualistic message of modern Western culture. Twenge, Gen ME.
  • 40. Society’s Mirror in Film • The rise in the 90’s of Vampires- – Anne Rice – Twiglight – Vampire Diaries • The rise in the last decade of Zombies – Are you a zombie? Bony? Human? – An interest in Zombies tends to spike when the economy sputters- Sarah Juliet Lauro, Clemson University, NYT 7/31/13, “At zombie races, It is survival of the undeadest”,
  • 41. Warm Bodies: Zombies • Undead- The Living Dead • Limited real talking/communication between themselves • Generally operating on lowest common denominator- reptilian brain • Some remnants of humanness- clothing, etc. • Experience hunger • “lack” = collector/hoarder • “musical tastes”= ??? • Live in the airport
  • 42. Warm Bodies: Bonies • Anger- “they’ll eat anything with a heartbeat, but at least I am conflicted about it.” • Hopeless- given up, “this is what I have to look forward to”; “we all become them someday” • Naked- nothing but raw exposed bone
  • 43. Warm Bodies: Humans • Alive- but what kind of life? “My fathers idea of living is putting us in a box and waiting for us to die.” • Brave? – is adherence to a rule brave? It gets Perry killed. (Julie – yes, as the exception) • Projection- uncaring, unfeeling, incapable of remorse, “sound like anyone we know dad?”
  • 44. Why Zombies?
  • 45. Why Zombies (cont) But what if the lack is the result of technology? The scene before the first attack, there is a PSP working.
  • 46. “Be Dead” •R is a collector/hoarder- Very Klienian to incorporate, as Zombies do. •Playing a Vinyl record, “You’re a purist”, “Just sounds more real-more alive. “ •Images of connection are mostly nostalgia: snow globe, old-time 3D Stereo-viewer, photos with a Polaroid (not digital) •Re: Perry– Lots of bad things happened to him, he was dead before R killed him, she “already kinda knew” R had killed him. •Perry’s death becomes revolting to R and he spits out the brains. But, he will kill for Julie, even hits Marcus. •Hand holding at the airport gets them through. •The Dead do not sleep [dream, bleed, get cold.] •So are the dead more alive than the humans?
  • 47. Technology is simpler… Love your body, friends, and life Online with an avatar. “Now, pleased with your looks, you have the potential, as Second Life puts it, to live a life that will enable you to love your life.” p158
  • 48. Signs and Symptom Do you see signs that people have fewer connections? What are they?
  • 49. A patient recently told me about a new game…
  • 50. But isn’t this what they said about the printing press, locomotives, TV, etc?
  • 51. Is Social Media Really Social ?
  • 52. Alone Together… …Drawn by the illusion of companionship without the demands of intimacy, We conduct “risk free” affairs on Second Life and confuse the scattershot postings on a Facebook wall with authentic communication… We are promised “sociable robots” that will marry companionship with convenience. … We may be free to work from anywhere, but we are also prone to being lonely everywhere. In a surprising twist, relentless connection leads to a new solitude. We turn to new technology to fill the void, but as technology ramps up, our emotional lives ramp down.
  • 53. Turkle and Colbert: Don’t get rid of technology, but put it in its place!
  • 54. Siri: Conversation or Connection Mobile phones were used to connect people, but now with Siri- we connect with our phone. We are tempted by machines that offer companionship forgetting difference between conversation and connection.
  • 55. Siri Argument
  • 56. Brevity is the source of… a self-fulfilling prophecy spiraling downward “ I answer questions I can answer right away, And people want me to answer them right away. But it’s not only the speed… the questions have changed to ones that I can answer right away.” p166
  • 57. I share, therefore I am? Being alone feels like a problem that has to be solved. Old way: I am having a feeling- I am going to call someone. New way: I am having a feeling- I am going to broadcast it Is anyone listening?
  • 58. Tosh.O on BLOGS “Blogs are the worst side effect of a society where everyone thinks they are someone special. It’s less like having your own TV show and more like face timing with yourself… I understand people feel uncomfortable (and can’t talk face-to-face)… I feel uncomfortable when my maid brings her daughter over with her to clean… Make something of yourself before you share your views with the world. Now any kid with a strong wifi connection and two working parents thinks I am going to care what they bought at Sehpora. People who are busy doing things with their lives don’t have 20 minutes to write a scathing review of Redick…
  • 59. Betrayed? Looking to games for amusement is one thing. Looking to them for a life is another. P226 • With social robots, we are alone and imagine ourselves together… we are together but so lessen our expectations of other people [so much] that we can feel utterly alone. • In both cases our devices keep us distracted.
  • 60. Making Robots Human- NYT 2013 Until recently, most robots were carefully separated from humans. They have largely been used in factories to perform repetitive tasks that required speed, precision and force. That generation of robots is dangerous, and they have been caged and fenced for the protection of workers. But the industrial era of robotics is over. And robots are beginning to move around in the world. More and more, they are also beginning to imitate — and look like — humans. And they are beginning to perform tasks as humans do, too. Today’s robot designers believe that their creations will become therapists, caregivers, guides and security guards, and will ultimately perform virtually any form of human labor. (Robots that can think on their own — that is, perform with high levels of artificial intelligence — have yet to arrive.)
  • 61. 3 Gratifying Illusions from Technology • The Tribe of 1 – Even the Army is now advertising to the ARMY OF ONE. • We will always be heard • We will never be alone
  • 62. Maslow’s Pyramid V Self Esteem Love and Belonging come BEFORE Self- Esteem, not after it.
  • 63. …we are promised “sociable robots” that will marry companionship with convenience… • Social Robots deployed to work with elderly, freeing up nurses (replacing them?) – Patients seem to respond – But can you be helped without someone understanding the meaning of what you say? – Check out Eliza. on the web… Do we need to accept that humans deserve to be understood in a context of meaning… not with a computer program that ultimately can deceive us.
  • 64. We are not as strong as technology’s pull… Our neurochemical response to every ping and ring tone seems to be the one elicited by the “seeking” drive, a deep motivation of the human psyche. Connectivity becomes a craving; when receive a text or an email, our nervous system responds by giving us a shot of dopamine. We are stimulated by connectivity itself. We learn to require it as it depletes us. … Technology is bad because people are not as strong as its pull. P227
  • 65. Case Study Research
  • 66. Slip of the tongue… “I’ll pull up my friend… uh, my phone.” p175-76 “pulling out” her phone, …she doesn’t really correct herself so much as imply that the phone is her friend and that friends take on identities through her phone.
  • 67. …Drawn by the illusion of companionship without the demands of intimacy… Hannah says, “Ian is the person who knows me best.” Hannah doesn’t want to add an audio or video channel to their encounters. As things are, Hannah is able to imagine Ian as she wished him to be. And he can imagine her as he wisher her to be. The idea that we can be exactly what the other desires is a powerful fantasy. Among other things, it seems to promise that the other will never, ever, have reason to leave. Feeling secure as an object of desire (because the other is able to imagine you as the perfect embodiment of his or her desire) is one of the deep pleasures of internet life. P249.
  • 68. Why be afraid of connection? What would we lose if we were “really” connected? “An affinity for solitude is comparable only to one’s affinity for certain other people. And yet one’s first experience of solitude, like one’s first experience of the other, is fraught with danger.” P 27,Phillips, A. On balance.
  • 69. The capacity for solitude is related to the capacity for relationship.
  • 70. Yalom – Love’s Executioner ”…therapist must discourage false solutions. One's efforts to escape isolation can sabotage one's relationships with other people. Many a friendship or marriage has failed because, instead of relating to, and caring for, one another, one person uses another as a shield against isolation. p11
  • 71. Adolescent Development: Identity v Role Confusion & the Process of Individuation Is calling home all the time a problem? I would have thought [calling home all the time problematic]… I would have encouraged her to explore difficulties with separation. I would have assumed that these had to be addressed for her to proceed to successful adulthood. But these days, a college student who texts home fifteen times a day is not unusual. P178.
  • 72. Growing Up Tethered… “Today’s adolescents have no less need than those of previous generations to express feelings. They need time to discover themselves, time to think. But speed and brevity, has changed the rules of engagement with all of this. When is downtime, when is stillness? The text-driven world of rapid response does not make self-reflection impossible but does little to cultivate it. When interchanges are reformatted for the small screen and reduced to the emotional shorthand of emoticons, there are necessary simplifications. And what of adolescents’ need for secrets, for making out what is theirs alone? Traditionally, the development of intimacy required privacy. Intimacy without privacy reinvents what intimacy means. Separation, too, is being reinvented. Tethered children know they have a parent on tap. (p172) … the tethered child does not have the experience of being alone with only him or herself to count on. (173, emphasis added).
  • 73. But doesn’t having the chance to play a different character help the shy child develop outgoing skills?
  • 74. Acting Out v Working Through In thinking about online life, it helps to distinguish between what psychologists call acting out and working through. In acting out, you take the conflicts you have in the physical real and express them again and again in the virtual. There is much repetition and little growth. In working though, you use the materials of online life to confront the conflicts of the real and search for new resolutions. P214
  • 75. Is that what happens?
  • 76. From Multiplayer to Bots as Players The dictionary says that “humane” implies compassion and benevolence. Adam’s story has taken us to the domain of compassion and benevolence toward inanimate. There are echoes here of the fist rule of the Tamagotchi primer: we nurture what we love, and we love what we nurture… Adam plays at gratifications he does not believe will come to him any other way. p223
  • 77. To Paraphrase Shakespeare: We are consumed by what we are nourished by. -Sonnet 73
  • 78. Born for Love? • 25% [of Americans] say that they trust no one at all with intimate secrets... • Back in 1960 58% of Americans endorsed the idea that most people can be trusted- but by 2008 this number was down to 32%, (by 1998, 33%- long before the economic crash. P3, Born for Love)…
  • 79. • If sites (like post secret) are symptoms, and we need our symptoms, what else do we need? We need trust between congregants and clergy. We need parents who are able to talk with their children. We need children who are given time and protection to experience childhood. We need communities. P238
  • 80. When was the last time you uni-tasked? • What was it? • Why did you do it? • If you can’t remember a time, why not?
  • 81. Multitasking… Being absent is now the norm or equivalent for being fully connected… •Problems in relationships- including with ourselves •The Goldilocks Effect- we can’t tolerate too much or too little, it has to be just right… • It might appear we can’t get enough of others.. But this is only true as long as we can keep control of how much, when, etc. • What is wrong with conversation for most? It’s in real time and not able to be controlled.
  • 82. Multitasking v Unitasking Every additional task decreases performance. Brown, R. (2010). Multitasking Gets You There Later. InfoQ. Retrieved from http://www.infoq.com/articles/multitasking-problems Nass in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science. PNAS September 15, 2009 vol. 106 no. 37 15583-15587
  • 83. We are reinforced and continue our multitasking because of behavioral shaping or some internal biological reaction to the joy of completion. Even if we don’t always see its ineffectiveness-- much like the gambling addict who uses 3 different slot machines, pouring quarters into them in the hopes of a payout. p227
  • 84. How is cognitive development impacted by this? “Development occurs in a context and the context determines development” – Gullotta David Elkin’s comments in CIO.com (2003!): There is considerable disagreement among experts regarding the effects of technology on child growth and development. Some regard technology as advancing intellectual development. Others worry that technology may overstimulate and actually impair brain functioning.
  • 85. One of the problems is that most researchers have taken too narrow a focus on the issue. They have looked at the impact of a particular technology rather than at the technological environment as a whole. One might argue that taken as an aggregate, technologies such as computers, television and cell phones create a digital culture that has to be looked upon in its entirety rather than piecemeal. The question becomes: What is it like growing up in a high-tech world, and how does that differ from growing up at an earlier time? Part of the answer lies in the fact that the digital youth has a greater facility with technology than their parents and other adults.
  • 86. • fast and getting faster- • lack of respect for the older generation, “they don’t get it”- • The high-tech culture has also changed children’s social relationships. – games, riddles, rhymes, jibes and so on that were adapted to the child’s immediate environment. …The culture of childhood made it easy for a child to become part of a group. All she had to do was learn the language and lore. Such play rituals were passed down in the city streets and in country glens. They were intergenerational and made it easier for parents and children to connect. • This traditional culture of childhood is fast disappearing. In the past two decades alone, according to several studies, children have lost 12 hours of free time a week, and eight of those lost hours were once spent in unstructured play and outdoor pastimes.) In part, that is a function of the digital culture, which provides so many adult-created toys, games and amusements. Game Boys and other electronic games are so addictive they dissuade children from enjoying the traditional games. Yet spontaneous play allows children to use their imaginations, make and break rules, and socialize with each other to a greater extent than when they play digital games. While research shows that video games may improve visual motor coordination and dexterity, there is no evidence that it improves higher level intellectual functioning. Digital children have fewer opportunities to nurture their autonomy and originality than those engaged in free play.
  • 87. When connection goes awry. What are the implications?
  • 88. The Case of Leon Leon (age 16) murdered a 12 and 13 year old girl in his apartment complex after they refused his sexual advances. He killed them, raped them, and then kicked them. His blood covered shoes eventually led to his arrest when his brother Frank called the police. His parents were shocked.
  • 89. What happened to Leon that got him here? • What does it take to make a murder? – Nature? – Nurture?
  • 90. Leon’s Assessment • Verbal IQ- low to normal range • Performance IQ- Above average/High – He could read social situations and understand others intentions – He didn’t know that he should feel remorseful.. “he simply wasn’t capable of taking into account the feelings of others in any way other than to take advantage of them.” p104 HOW CAN THIS BE UNDERSTOOD?
  • 91. Leon’s Character • didn’t when punished or praised • He learned to use flattery, flirtation and other forms of manipulation to get what he wanted. • He lied. If he got caught in a lie, he was indifferent.
  • 92. Empathy Empathy underlies virtually everything that makes a society work- trust, altruism, collaboration, love, charity. Failure to empathize is a key part of most social problems- crime, violence, war, racism, child abuse, inequity. Difficulties with empathy or misperceptions of another's feelings also cause problems in communication relationships and business... P4, Born for Love What about Leon’s empathy?
  • 93. What about nature-nurture? Nature? • Frank (Leon’s brother) turned him in – clearly he felt something for others. – “Siblings share at least 50% of their genes. While Frank could have been genetically blessed with a far greater capacity for empathy than Leon, it was unlikely that this alone accounted for their different temperaments and life paths.” (107)
  • 94. Who is in control? Self (Agentic) Other (outside)
  • 95. Nature-Nurture? • Nurture? – Maria and Allan raised Frank and Leon – what happened to Leon? • They asked if they should have been stricter? Less strict? • When Frank was 3yo, they left the home town where Maria had family to help. • Maria created a routine for familiarity but without real connections, she was over whelmed by her limited capacity and lack of support. • Leon was left alone to cry when feeding didn’t work.
  • 96. • Early Intervention only educated him to talk and learn what was expected of him, which he could fake when he wanted. – “For him, people were just objects that either stood in his way or acceded to his needs. “ p114 – “Shunted into Special Ed… he found other peers who reinforced each others impulsivity… Leon learned to copy the worst of human behavior, but remained unable to understand why he should imitate the best.” p115
  • 97. Interventions that don’t work • Early Intervention only educated him to talk and learn what was expected of him, which he could fake when he wanted. – “For him, people were just objects that either stood in his way or acceded to his needs. “ p114 – “Shunted into Special Ed… he found other peers who reinforced each others impulsivity… Leon learned to copy the worst of human behavior, but remained unable to understand why he should imitate the best.” p115
  • 98. Inconsistent care and abandonment is worse than abuse. • “He stopped crying so much”- Maria’s solution worked in her mind. – He got attention sometimes, left alone for a day at other times – His developing brain’s unpredictable relief from fear, loneliness, discomfort and hunger keeps a baby’s stress system on high alert. – Receiving no consistent, loving response to his fear and needs, Leon never developed the normal associations between human contact and relief from stress (p133) • “This genetic preference produces the seeds of empathy. However, they can’t sprout on barren ground.” P14, Born For Love
  • 99. Results • Leon’s learned he could only rely on himself • He didn’t understand relationships • Connection was toxic to him. • He could enjoy material pleasures and physical sensations (i.e. his developing sexuality)
  • 100. What is in Store next?
  • 101. We expect more from technology and less from each other… We are lonely but afraid of intimacy Technology provides the illusion of companionship without the fear of intimacy
  • 102. What can we do? • Goals: Learn to use devices and technology to make our REAL world better. • Individual and Group psychotherapy to aid in the processing of learning to be with another person- using titration to reach optimal frustration and make mind (see Liegner, The Hate the Cures) • Help create supports for new parents (It takes a village and historically always has!) – [Humans have been hunter-gathers] , spending the last 150,000 years being in multigenerational, multifamily groups... In these clans the ratio of [caregiver adults to for every little one] was 4:1... In the modern era, however, the relational milieu has collapsed. In 1850 the average household size in the west was 6 people- today it's 3 fewer. A full 25% of American live completely alone. Classroom size- 1:30. Daycare 1:5. That is 1/20th of the relational richness of a "natural" hunter-gather setting. P6, Born for Love
  • 103. What can we do? (cont) • Create an infant and child literate society • Promote physical and emotional needs (not just intellectual) in schools. Lunch and Recess- Free time to be creative and play
  • 104. What can we do … cont. • Balance the desire for risk-free childhoods with the benefits gained from experiences • People aren't spoiled by meeting needs, they spoil from unmet needs. – Raised with love, they want those around them to be happy because he sees that his happiness makes them happy… it is a positive feedback loop (p243) • Watch out for Selfish Capitalism- it erodes the propensity for altruism.
  • 105. Be open to imperfections and accept the fact we are hard wired to struggle. Qualitative Research/Storyteller Lean into the discomfort Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability of the work
  • 106. Brown’s Findings Courage- from heart, Compassion- for others, but starting with self Connection- authentic… What makes them vulnerable makes them beautiful
  • 107. Buy me this… Consumption causes the pathology partly because it holds up the false promise that fixing an internal lack can be done by an external means, and partly because the process of working, by which we earn the money to pay for the goods, is itself alienating. P50 The Selfish Capitalist
  • 108. The most of important of these to show, love… • PATIENCE – The troubled youth are in some kind of pain (244) It makes them irritable, anxious, impulsive, needy and aggressive. – There is no short term miracle. – Avoid luring kids back to good behavior, it is only temporary and externally motivated in those situations – Routines and Repetitions – Pay attention – Center yourself
  • 109. Is there hope? EXHUME Stay Together. Keep safe. Stay together. We are changing everything.
  • 110. PS – On a personal level What can you do today? • Call and wish a happy birthday instead of Status Updates on Facebook! • Check email once per day. • Unitask- starting with driving. • Start noting why/when you engage in escape type actions.
  • 111. Other readings
  • 112. St. Lawrence Unplugs for 12 Days: Identity in Age of Media Class
  • 113. So… • Is it the internal driving the external? • The external shaping the internal? • Or Keep Calm, and carry on.
  • 114. Fromm and Kasser’s Theory The four basic needs: Security  Self-esteem Good relationships Authentic experience Pg 108
  • 115. Knowing the Limbic Brain and Drive-state creations… • The roots of empathy emerge from the soil of our stress response system. We look to our mother’s to know if something is safe (this underscores another important aspect of attachment); and this builds the capacity to self-regulate; and to respond to stress flexibly. Later we can exercise, breath, meditate, etc; but it all starts with mother-child. – ( We still use others throughout life however to help with this! An infant will die from rejection and isolation (cant do it-feeding, changing diaper- on their own!) but so can adults! The mother-child social dance is the first of many… p 16)
  • 116. Drive Theory and Relationship • We are DRIVEN to be social beings. • The most traumatic aspect of disasters involve the shattering of human connections. • The breakdown of social connection that is common in our society increases vulnerability. (p233) • We have become afraid of “unhealthy” touch and as a result push a child coming in for a hug away. Dual drive theory- emphasizing fears and wishes- helps us see that we in fact are now making it easier for the predator to offer any touch to the child starved for affection (235)