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05 17 09 Resolving Conflict In Our Marriage Part 2 Conflict Resolution Communication Keys For Couples
 

05 17 09 Resolving Conflict In Our Marriage Part 2 Conflict Resolution Communication Keys For Couples

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Resolving Conflict In Our Marriage Part 2 Conflict Resolution Communication Keys For Couples

Resolving Conflict In Our Marriage Part 2 Conflict Resolution Communication Keys For Couples

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    05 17 09 Resolving Conflict In Our Marriage Part 2 Conflict Resolution Communication Keys For Couples 05 17 09 Resolving Conflict In Our Marriage Part 2 Conflict Resolution Communication Keys For Couples Presentation Transcript

    • West Ridge Church Marriage Ministry
      • “ Can You Hear Me Now?”
      • Communication Keys for Couples
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Misconceptions about Conflict  
      •  
      •  
    •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Misconceptions about Conflict  
      • 1. Christians are supposed to avoid all conflict.
      • Matthew 21:12
      • Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all
      • who were buying and selling there. He overturned
      • the tables of the money changers and the benches
      • of those selling doves.
      •  
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Misconceptions about Conflict  
      • 2. Wives should automatically cave in to their
      • husband’s wishes .
      • Ephesians 5:21
      • Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Misconceptions about Conflict  
      • 3. The best way to handle conflict is through
      • compromise .
      • Psalm 25:5
      • … .guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are
      • God my Savior…
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Typical Responses to Conflict
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Typical Responses to Conflict
      • 1. Avoid …pretend it doesn’t bother me
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Typical Responses to Conflict
      • 1. Avoid …pretend it doesn’t bother me
      • 2. Accommodate I’ll give in.
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Typical Responses to Conflict
      • 1. Avoid …pretend it doesn’t bother me
      • 2. Accommodate I’ll give in.
      • 3. Compete I’ll get my way.
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Typical Responses to Conflict
      • 1. Avoid …pretend it doesn’t bother me
      • 2. Accommodate I’ll give in.
      • 3. Compete I’ll get my way.
      • 4. Compromise I’ll meet you half way.
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Typical Responses to Conflict
      • 1. Avoid …pretend it doesn’t bother me
      • 2. Accommodate I’ll give in.
      • 3. Compete I’ll get my way.
      • 4. Compromise I’ll meet you half way.
      • 5. Collaborate I’ll work together with you.
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 1. Get a firm grip on who you’re talking to.
      • Philippians 2:3
      • Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,
      • but in humility conside r others better than
      • yourselves.
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 1. Get a firm grip on who you’re talking to.
      • Philippians 2:3
      • Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,
      • but in humility conside r others better than
      • yourselves.
      • See and treat your spouse as a VIP! – because
      • that’s what they are!
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard
      • for decision-making.
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard
      • for decision-making.
      • Hosea 4:6
      • … .my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard
      • for decision-making.
      • Mark 12:24
      • Jesus replied, "Are you not in error because you do
      • not know the Scriptures or the power of God?
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard
      • for decision-making.
      • Psalm 119:165
      • Great peace have they who love your law, and
      • nothing can make them stumble .
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard
      • for decision-making.
      • John 8:31-32
      • Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my
      • disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set
      • you free.
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      •  
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard
      • for decision-making.
      • 2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every
      • pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God,
      • and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to
      • Christ.
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      •  
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard
      • for decision-making.
      • “ Life is hard; it’s even harder if you’re stupid.”
      • John Wayne 
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard
      • for decision-making.
      • People experience conflict primarily over
      • conflicting values and desires .
      •  
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Adopt God’s Word as the definitive standard
      • for decision-making.
      • We should decide once and for all that His Word
      • will be THE source of truth.
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make a commitment to honesty AND
      • openness .
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make a commitment to honesty AND
      • openness .
      • Psalm 34:13
      • keep your tongue from evil and your lips from
      • speaking lies.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make a commitment to honesty AND
      • openness .
      • Proverbs 12:22
      • The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men
      • who are truthful.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make a commitment to honesty AND
      • openness .
      • Proverbs 15:4
      • The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a
      • deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make a commitment to honesty AND
      • openness .
      • Proverbs 26:28
      • A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering
      • mouth works ruin.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make a commitment to honesty AND
      • openness .
      • Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in
      • love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the
      • Head, that is, Christ.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make a commitment to honesty AND
      • openness .
      • Ephesians 4:25 Therefore each of you must put
      • off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor,
      • for we are all members of one body.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make a commitment to honesty AND
      • openness .
      • 1 Peter 3:10 For, "Whoever would love life and
      • see good days must keep his tongue from evil and
      • his lips from deceitful speech.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make a commitment to honesty AND
      • openness .
      •   Everyone should have a chance to be heard .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make a decision to always treat one another
      • with respect .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make a decision to always treat one another
      • with respect .
      • Ephesians 5:33 However, each one of you also
      • must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife
      • must respect her husband.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make a decision to always treat one another
      • with respect .
      • 1 Peter 3:7
      • Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you
      • live with your wives, and treat them with respect…
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make a decision to always treat one another
      • with respect .
      • 1 Peter 2:17
      • Show proper respect to everyone…
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • There is no room for name-calling !
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • There is no room for name-calling !
      • We don’t raise our voices at one another .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • There is no room for name-calling !
      • We don’t raise our voices at one another .
      • We don’t talk over one another.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Stick to the issue at hand.
      • Genesis 3:11-12 And he said, "Who told you that you were
      • naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded
      • you not to eat from?" The man said, "The woman you
      • put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and
      • I ate it."
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • We effectively admit that we are wrong when we:
      • (1) blame our spouse for our own deficiencies
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • We effectively admit that we are wrong when we:
      • (1) blame our spouse for our own deficiencies
      • (2) twist the facts to justify our own behavior
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • We effectively admit that we are wrong when we:
      • (1) blame our spouse for our own deficiencies
      • (2) twist the facts to justify our own behavior
      • (3) derail the search for truth by going on rabbit trail
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • We effectively admit that we are wrong when we:
      • (1) blame our spouse for our own deficiencies
      • (2) twist the facts to justify our own behavior
      • (3) derail the search for truth by going on rabbit trail
      • (4) drag up ancient history to make our own bad
      • behavior not seem so bad
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Both should agree to proactively reach out to make peace.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Both should agree to proactively reach out to make peace.
      • Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore, if you are offering your gift at
      • the altar and there remember that your brother has
      • something against you, leave your gift there in front of the
      • altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come
      • and offer your gift.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Both should agree to proactively reach out to make peace.
      • Romans 12:18
      • If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at
      • peace with everyone.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Both should agree to proactively reach out to make peace.
      • Romans 14:19
      • Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads
      • to peace and to mutual edification.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Both should agree to proactively reach out to make peace.
      • Be mature enough to reach out to the other
      • person when they are emotionally hooked .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make it our policy not to allow conflict to go unsettled .
      • Ephesians 4:26-27 "In your anger do not sin": Do
      • not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
      • and do not give the devil a foothold.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ Make it our policy not to allow conflict to go unsettled .
      • Because if we don’t, we give Satan a foothold in
      • our marriage .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 2. Establish some ground rules for handling
      • conflict. (aka fighting fair)
      • ■ We establish ground rules when all is well , not in the heat of battle.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Learn to manage the expectations of others.
      • Proverbs 17:14
      • Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop
      • the matter before a dispute breaks out.
      • Proverbs 20:3 It is to a man's honor to avoid
      • strife , but every fool is quick to quarrel.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Learn to manage the expectations of others.
      • 2 Timothy 2:23
      • Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid
      • arguments, because you know they produce
      • quarrels.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Learn to manage the expectations of others.
      • Two keys to managing expectations:
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Learn to manage the expectations of others.
      • Two keys to managing expectations:
      • (1) Anticipate
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Learn to manage the expectations of others.
      • Two keys to managing expectations:
      • (1) Anticipate
      • (2) Communicate
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Simplify your lifestyle .
      • Proverbs 10:22 The blessing of the LORD brings
      • wealth, and he adds no trouble to it.
      • Proverbs 17:1
      • Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house
      • full of feasting, with strife.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Simplify your lifestyle .
      • 1 Timothy 6:6-9
      • But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought
      • nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But
      • if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.
      • People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap
      • and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men
      • Into ruin and destruction.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Simplify your lifestyle .
      • Much conflict comes from chasing things
      • we don’t need and can’t afford.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Make time to plan ahead.
      • Proverbs 21:5
      • The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as
      • haste leads to poverty.  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Make time to plan ahead.
      • 2 Corinthians 1:17
      • When I planned this, did I do it lightly? Or do I make
      • my plans in a worldly manner so that in the same
      • breath I say, "Yes, yes" and "No, no"?
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Make time to plan ahead.
      • Have a time to sit down and plan your schedule
      • for the upcoming week.
      •  
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Make time to plan ahead.
      • Have a time to sit down and plan your schedule
      • for the upcoming week.
      •  
      • Work together on your schedule to increase
      • margin and reduce stress.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Be careful who you hang out with.
      • Proverbs 22:24
      • Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man , do
      • not associate with one easily angered…
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Be careful who you hang out with.
      • Proverbs 12:26
      • A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the
      • way of the wicked leads them astray.
      • Proverbs 13:20
      • He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a
      • companion of fools suffers harm.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Be careful who you hang out with.
      • Our friends influence the way we treat
      • others….choose wisely.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Enjoy making love regularly!
      • 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 The husband should fulfill his marital
      • duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The
      • wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her
      • husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not
      • belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each
      • other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you
      • may devote yourselves to prayer.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 3. Stop the fight before it ever begins.
      • ■ Enjoy making love regularly!
      • God invented sex for our enjoyment ….go for it!
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
      • ■ “ My response is my responsibility .”
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
      • ■ “ My response is my responsibility .”
      • Proverbs 29:11
      • A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man
      • keeps himself under control .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
      • ■ “ My response is my responsibility .”
      • Proverbs 17:27
      • A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and
      • a man of understanding is even-tempered.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
      • ■ “ My response is my responsibility .”
      • Proverbs 15:1
      • A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word
      • stirs up anger.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
      • ■ “ My response is my responsibility .”
      • Galatians 5:22-23
      • But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,
      • patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
      • gentleness and self-control.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
      • ■ “ My response is my responsibility .”
      • The course of a fight is not determined by the
      • initiator , but by the responder !
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
      • ■ “ Reach out and touch someone.”
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
      • ■ Deal with the root issue behind the emotion.
      • Proverbs 20:5
      • The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but
      • a man of understanding draws them out.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
      • ■ Deal with the root issue behind the emotion.
      • Proverbs 18:17
      • The first to present his case seems right, till
      • another comes forward and questions him.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • Luke 20:19-26
      • … ..the spies questioned him: "Teacher, we know that you
      • speak and teach what is right, and that you do not show
      • partiality but teach the way of God in accordance with the
      • truth. 22 Is it right for us to pay taxes to Caesar or not?"   23 He
      • saw through their duplicity and said to them, 24 "Show me a
      • denarius. Whose portrait and inscription are on it?” “Caesar’s
      • " they replied. He said to them, "Then give to Caesar what is
      • Caesar's, and to God what is God's." They were unable to
      • trap him in what he had said there in public. And astonished
      • by his answer, they became silent.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
      • ■ Deal with the root issue behind the emotion.
      • 1 Corinthians 2:11
      • For who among men knows the thoughts of a
      • man except the man's spirit within him?
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
      • ■ Deal with the root issue behind the emotion.
      • If we don’t solve THE PROBLEM, we’ll be having
      • the same fight for the next 50 years!!!
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
      • ■ If emotions run high, take a time out AND
      • agree to talk later that day.
      • Colossians 3:8
      • But now you must rid yourselves of all such things
      • as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy
      • language from your lips.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
      • ■ If emotions run high, take a time out AND
      • agree to talk later that day.
      • Either spouse should call for a time out if things
      • get too heated.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 4. When your spouse fires the first shot, keep
      • yourself under control ! 
      • ■ If emotions run high, take a time out AND
      • agree to talk later that day.
      • But be sure to get back together quickly to
      • address the real issues.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Set a time to talk about the tough things.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Ask God for help.
      • Psalms 127:1
      • Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor
      • in vain.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Ask God for help.
      • Proverbs 16:7
      • When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, he
      • makes even his enemies live at peace with him.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Ask God for help.
      • James 1:5
      • If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who
      • gives generously to all without finding fault, and it
      • will be given to him.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Ask God for help.
      • We are only kidding ourselves if we think we can
      • have a joyful marriage apart from a relationship
      • with Christ .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Examine your own heart first.
      • Psalm 26:2
      • Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart
      • and my mind;
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Examine your own heart first.
      • Lamentations 3:40
      • Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us
      • return to the LORD.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Examine your own heart first.
      • Matthew 7:3-4
      • "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your
      • brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in
      • your own eye? How can you say to your brother,
      • 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the
      • time there is a plank in your own eye?
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Examine your own heart first.
      • 1 Peter 5:5
      • All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward
      • one another, because, "God opposes the proud but
      • gives grace to the humble."
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Examine your own heart first.
      • We need to acknowledge that we just might be
      • wrong .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Examine your own heart first.
      • We need to be self-aware and recognize when
      • we are emotionally hooked .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Emphasize relationship over “ rights .”
      • 2 Corinthians 5:18
      • All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself
      • through Christ and gave us the ministry of
      • reconciliation…
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Emphasize relationship over “ rights .”
      • Your relationship with your spouse is more
      • important than being right .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Focus on the Problem not the Person.
      • Ephesians 4:29
      • Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your
      • mouths, but only what is helpful for building others
      • up according to their needs, that it may benefit
      • those who listen.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Focus on the Problem not the Person.
      • Colossians 3:8
      • But now you must rid yourselves of all such things
      • as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy
      • language from your lips.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Focus on the Problem not the Person.
      • 1 Peter 3:7
      • Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you
      • live with your wives, and treat them with respect…
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Focus on the Problem not the Person.
      • Do define the core issue and attack it – not your
      • spouse.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Develop a process for decision-making .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Take turns asking questions and expressing
      • your thoughts until you reach an Agreement .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Take turns asking questions and expressing
      • your thoughts until you reach an Agreement .
      • Romans 12:16
      • Live in harmony with one another.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Take turns asking questions and expressing
      • your thoughts until you reach an Agreement .
      • 1 Corinthians 1:10 I appeal to you, brothers, in the name
      • of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one
      • Another so that there may be no divisions among you and
      • that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Take turns asking questions and expressing
      • your thoughts until you reach an Agreement .
      • 1 Thessalonians 5:13
      • Live in peace with each other.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Take turns asking questions and expressing
      • your thoughts until you reach an Agreement .
      • 1 Peter 3:8
      • Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another;
      • be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate
      • and humble.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 5. Apply time-tested Biblical principles to
      • resolve conflict.
      • ■ Take turns asking questions and expressing
      • your thoughts until you reach an Agreement .
      • State specifically what you have agreed to.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ Remember the “Law of Holes .”
      • Psalm 7:15
      • He who digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the
      • pit he has made.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ Remember the “Law of Holes .”
      • Psalm 7:15
      • He who digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the
      • pit he has made.
      • When you realize you are digging a hole for
      • yourself, stop digging !
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness .
      • Ephesians 4:32
      • Be kind and compassionate to one another,
      • forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave
      • You.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness .
      • Colossians 3:13
      • Bear with each other and forgive whatever
      • grievances you may have against one another.
      • Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness .
      • Hebrews 8:12
      • For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember
      • their sins no more ."
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness .
      • Learn to say these simple but powerful phrases:
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness .
      • Learn to say these simple but powerful phrases:
      • “ I was wrong.”
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness .
      • Learn to say these simple but powerful phrases:
      • “ I was wrong.”
      • “ I’m sorry.”
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness .
      • Learn to say these simple but powerful phrases:
      • “ I was wrong.”
      • “ I’m sorry.”
      • “ Will you forgive me?”
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ Ask for – and be willing to grant -- forgiveness .
      • Learn to say these simple but powerful phrases:
      • “ I was wrong.”
      • “ I’m sorry.”
      • “ Will you forgive me?”
      • If you add ”But” or “If” – you negate the apology!!
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ Don’t hold grudges after the fight is over.
      • Romans 12:17-19
      • Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do
      • what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is
      • possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace
      • with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but
      • leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is
      • mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ Don’t hold grudges after the fight is over.
      • 1 Corinthians 13:5
      • It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily
      • angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ Don’t hold grudges after the fight is over.
      • Don’t keep a mental list of past wrongs to beat
      • your spouse with.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ But what if a spouse violates our established Ground Rules?
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ But what if a spouse violates our established Ground Rules?
      • (1) First let them vent without saying anything .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ But what if a spouse violates our established Ground Rules?
      • (1) First let them vent without saying anything .
      • (2) Then confront them gently .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ But what if a spouse violates our established Ground Rules?
      • (1) First let them vent without saying anything .
      • (2) Then confront them gently .
      • The spouse will Back-Peddle (if mature) OR
      • they will Back-Fire .
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ If you can’t resolve an issue on your own, seek counsel from another!
      • Proverbs 12:15
      • The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise
      • man listens to advice.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ If you can’t resolve an issue on your own, seek counsel from another!
      • Proverbs 13:10
      • Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in
      • those who take advice.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ If you can’t resolve an issue on your own, seek counsel from another!
      • Proverbs 19:20
      • Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the
      • end you will be wise.
    • VII. Resolving Conflicts in Our Marriage
      • Steps to Resolving Conflict in our Marriage
      • 6. If a Discussion Takes a Wrong Turn….
      • ■ If you can’t resolve an issue on your own, seek counsel from another!
      • Proverbs 19:20
      • Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the
      • end you will be wise.
      • Don’t settle for a “ M&M ” marriage!