West Ridge Church Marriage Ministry

   “Can You Hear Me Now?”
Communication Keys for Couples
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Introduction

“Conflict is.”

2 Corinthians 2:10-12
If you forgive anyone, I also for...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Introduction

“Conflict is.”

2 Corinthians 2:10-12
If you forgive anyone, I also for...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Some Warnings from Scripture about Conflict

Proverbs 17:19
He who loves a quarrel lo...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Some Warnings from Scripture about Conflict

Proverbs 21:19
Better to live in a deser...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Common Areas of Conflict
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Common Areas of Conflict

1. Money
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Common Areas of Conflict

1. Money

2. Sex
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Common Areas of Conflict

1. Money

2. Sex

3. Chores
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Common Areas of Conflict

1. Money

2. Sex

3. Chores

4. In Laws
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Common Areas of Conflict

1. Money

2. Sex

3. Chores

4. In Laws

5. Children
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(1) Anger and Hate
Proverbs 10:12
Hatred s...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(1) Anger and Hate

Proverbs 29:22
An angr...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(2) Spiritual Immaturity
1 Corinthians 3:3...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(2) Spiritual Immaturity
I John 2:15-16
Do...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations
Proverbs 13:12...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations
Proverbs 13:12...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

Expectations ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

Expectations ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

Expectations ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

Expectations ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

Expectations ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

Expectations ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

Expectations ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

             ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

             ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

             ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

             ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

             ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

We view life ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

We view life ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

Over time, we...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

We bring thes...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

We bring thes...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

We bring thes...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

We bring thes...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

We bring thes...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

We bring thes...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

Most of our e...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(3) Unrealized Expectations

Most of our e...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(4) Selfishness
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(4) Selfishness
James 1:13-15
When tempted...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(4) Selfishness
James 3:14-16
But if you h...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(4) Selfishness

James 4:1
What causes fig...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(5) Pride
Proverbs 13:10
Pride only breeds...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(5) Pride
1 Timothy 6:4
…he is conceited a...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(5) Pride
How you have fallen from heaven,...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(5) Pride

Pride is the root of every sin.
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(5) Pride

Pride is the root of every sin....
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts

(5) Pride

Instead of pride, God calls us ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Phil 2:4 - 7
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,
but in humility cons...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

Phil 2:4 – 7 (continued)
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ
Jesus: Wh...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

1 Peter 5:5
All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one
another, because, ...
VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict

(1) Anger and Hate

(2) Spiritual Immaturity

(3) Unrealized Expectations

(4) Selfis...
05 03 09 Identifying Major Sources Of Conflict In Marriage Part 2 Conflict Resolution Communication Keys For Couples
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05 03 09 Identifying Major Sources Of Conflict In Marriage Part 2 Conflict Resolution Communication Keys For Couples

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05 03 09 Identifying Major Sources Of Conflict In Marriage Part 2 Conflict Resolution Communication Keys For Couples

  1. 1. West Ridge Church Marriage Ministry “Can You Hear Me Now?” Communication Keys for Couples
  2. 2. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Introduction “Conflict is.” 2 Corinthians 2:10-12 If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him…. in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.
  3. 3. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Introduction “Conflict is.” 2 Corinthians 2:10-12 If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him…. in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes. To deal effectively with conflict, we need to be aware of the common sources.
  4. 4. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Some Warnings from Scripture about Conflict Proverbs 17:19 He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction. Proverbs 26:21 As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.
  5. 5. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Some Warnings from Scripture about Conflict Proverbs 21:19 Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. 2 Timothy 2:14 …. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen.
  6. 6. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Common Areas of Conflict
  7. 7. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Common Areas of Conflict 1. Money
  8. 8. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Common Areas of Conflict 1. Money 2. Sex
  9. 9. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Common Areas of Conflict 1. Money 2. Sex 3. Chores
  10. 10. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Common Areas of Conflict 1. Money 2. Sex 3. Chores 4. In Laws
  11. 11. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Common Areas of Conflict 1. Money 2. Sex 3. Chores 4. In Laws 5. Children
  12. 12. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts
  13. 13. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (1) Anger and Hate Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. Proverbs 15:18 A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
  14. 14. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (1) Anger and Hate Proverbs 29:22 An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot tempered one commits many sins.
  15. 15. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (2) Spiritual Immaturity 1 Corinthians 3:3 You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?
  16. 16. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (2) Spiritual Immaturity I John 2:15-16 Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world — the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does — comes not from the Father but from the world.
  17. 17. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
  18. 18. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. God designed us as both rational and emotional beings.
  19. 19. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Expectations <> Reality --> Disappoint/Surprise
  20. 20. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Expectations <> Reality --> Disappoint/Surprise Kids
  21. 21. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Expectations <> Reality --> Disappoint/Surprise Kids Parents
  22. 22. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Expectations <> Reality --> Disappoint/Surprise Kids Parents School
  23. 23. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Expectations <> Reality --> Disappoint/Surprise Kids Parents School Sports
  24. 24. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Expectations <> Reality --> Disappoint/Surprise Kids Parents School Sports Work
  25. 25. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Expectations <> Reality --> Disappoint/Surprise We have a reaction EVERY time reality does not equal expectations.
  26. 26. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Disappointment
  27. 27. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Disappointment Anger
  28. 28. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Disappointment Anger Bitterness
  29. 29. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Disappointment Anger Hurt Bitterness
  30. 30. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Disappointment Anger Hurt Bitterness Depression
  31. 31. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations We view life through our own definition of quot; normal .quot;
  32. 32. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations We view life through our own definition of quot; normal .quot; Our idea of “normal” was largely formed by the environment we grew up in.
  33. 33. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Over time, we develop expectations about virtually every area of life.
  34. 34. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations We bring these expectations into our marriage and often don’t even realize it!
  35. 35. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations We bring these expectations into our marriage and often don’t even realize it! Money
  36. 36. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations We bring these expectations into our marriage and often don’t even realize it! Money Sex
  37. 37. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations We bring these expectations into our marriage and often don’t even realize it! Money Sex Chores
  38. 38. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations We bring these expectations into our marriage and often don’t even realize it! Money Sex Chores Family
  39. 39. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations We bring these expectations into our marriage and often don’t even realize it! Money Sex Chores Family Children
  40. 40. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Most of our expectations are simply our opinion of the way things should be.
  41. 41. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (3) Unrealized Expectations Most of our expectations are simply our opinion of the way things should be. We need to consciously test our expectations against God's Word.
  42. 42. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (4) Selfishness
  43. 43. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (4) Selfishness James 1:13-15 When tempted, no one should say, quot;God is tempting me.quot; For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
  44. 44. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (4) Selfishness James 3:14-16 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such quot;wisdomquot; does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
  45. 45. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (4) Selfishness James 4:1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?
  46. 46. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (5) Pride Proverbs 13:10 Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
  47. 47. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (5) Pride 1 Timothy 6:4 …he is conceited and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions
  48. 48. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (5) Pride How you have fallen from heaven, O morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations! You said in your heart, quot;I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.quot;
  49. 49. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (5) Pride Pride is the root of every sin.
  50. 50. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (5) Pride Pride is the root of every sin. The essence of pride is our desire to control – to be God of our own life.
  51. 51. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Understanding the Source of Our Conflicts (5) Pride Instead of pride, God calls us to a life that is marked by humility.
  52. 52. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Phil 2:4 - 7 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
  53. 53. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict Phil 2:4 – 7 (continued) Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death — even death on a cross!
  54. 54. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict 1 Peter 5:5 All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, quot;God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.quot;
  55. 55. VI. Identifying Sources of Conflict (1) Anger and Hate (2) Spiritual Immaturity (3) Unrealized Expectations (4) Selfishness (5) Pride
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