04 26 09 Moving Beyond The Basics To The Ulitmate Goal Part 1 Keys To Effective Communication Communication Keys For Couples

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Moving Beyond The Basics To The Ulitmate Goal Part 1 Keys To Effective Communication Communication Keys For Couples

Moving Beyond The Basics To The Ulitmate Goal Part 1 Keys To Effective Communication Communication Keys For Couples

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  • 1. West Ridge Church Marriage Ministry
    • “ Can You Hear Me Now?”
    • Communication Keys for Couples
  • 2. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
  • 3. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • Level What We Say We Reveal
    • Elevator Talk Pleasantries Almost Nothing
    • Reporter Talk Facts Know
    • Intellectual Talk Thoughts Opinions
    • Emotional Talk Emotions Feel
    • Intimate Talk Secrets Desires/Fears/etc
  • 4. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • The ultimate goal of
    • our communication is to
    • increase our level of intimacy.
  • 5. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 1. We need to acknowledge natural tendency.
    • Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool seems right to him, but a
    • wise man listens to advice.
    • Proverbs 14:12 There is a way that seems right to a man,
    • but in the end it leads to death.
    • Proverbs 16:2 All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but
    • motives are weighed by the LORD.
    • Proverbs 16:25 There is a way that seems right to a man,
    • but in the end it leads to death.
  • 6. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 1. We need to acknowledge natural tendency.
    • Luke 6:41-43
    • "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's
    • eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How
    • can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck
    • out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in
    • your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your
    • eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from
    • your brother's eye.
  • 7. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 1. We need to acknowledge natural tendency.
    • My natural tendency is to think that I am right
    • and you are wrong .
  • 8. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 1. We need to acknowledge natural tendency.
    • My natural tendency is to think that I am right
    • and you are wrong .
    • That’s why we are quick to see other’s faults but
    • very slow to see our own.
  • 9. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 1. We need to acknowledge natural tendency.
    • My natural tendency is to think that I am right
    • and you are wrong .
    • That’s why we are quick to see other’s faults but
    • very slow to see our own.
    • “ Our tendency is to judge others by their actions
    • and ourselves by our intentions .”
  • 10. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 2. We must get to the heart of our problems:
  • 11. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 2. We must get to the heart of our problems:
    • Our Heart
  • 12. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 2. We must get to the heart of our problems.
    • Psalms 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    • test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any
    • offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
    • Matthew 12:34 You brood of vipers, how can you who
    • are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the
    • Heart the mouth speaks .
    • Matthew 15:18 But the things that come out of the mouth
    • come from the heart ….
  • 13. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 2. We must get to the heart of our problems.
    • The word “heart” is used in Scripture to mean
    • our inner self…the real me.
  • 14. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 2. We must get to the heart of our problems.
    • The word “heart” is used in Scripture to mean
    • our inner self…the real me.
    • Our words and actions revea l what’s really
    • in our heart.
  • 15. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 3. Confess past failures to God and our spouse
    • Psalm 32:5 Then I acknowledged my sin to
    • you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I
    • will confess my transgressions to the LORD "—
    • and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
    • Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does
    • not prosper, but whoever confesses and
    • renounces them finds mercy.
  • 16. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 3. Confess past failures to God and our spouse
    • 1 John 1:8-9
    • If we claim to be without sin, we deceive
    • ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we
    • confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will
    • forgive us our sins and purify us from all
    • unrighteousness.
  • 17. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 3. Confess past failures to God and our spouse
    • When we confess, we simply agree with God
    • that we are wrong and He is right.
  • 18. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 3. Confess past failures to God and our spouse
    • James 5:16
    • Therefore confess your sins to each other…
  • 19. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 3. Confess past failures to God and our spouse
    • James 5:16
    • Therefore confess your sins to each other…
    • In addition, we need to confess to our spouse
    • when we have wronged them.
  • 20. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 3. Confess past failures to God and our spouse
    • James 5:16
    • Therefore confess your sins to each other…
    • In addition, we need to confess to our spouse
    • when we have wronged them.
    • Our spouse is our God-given accountability
    • partner.
  • 21. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 4. We deal with our heart effectively only
    • by having our mind renewed by God’s Word.
  • 22. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 4. We deal with our heart effectively only
    • by having our mind renewed by God’s Word.
    • Romans 12:2
    • Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this
    • world, but be transformed by the renewing of
    • your mind .
  • 23. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 4. We deal with our heart effectively only
    • by having our mind renewed by God’s Word.
    • It is the ultimate mark of immaturity to say,
    • “ That’s just the way I am.”
  • 24. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 4. We deal with our heart effectively only
    • by having our mind renewed by God’s Word.
    • It is the ultimate mark of immaturity to say,
    • “ That’s just the way I am.”
    • No matter what our circumstances, we
    • absolutely can change our bad patterns into
    • positive, mature, and honorable ones.
  • 25. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 5. Our mind is renewed by learning truth and
    • applying it to our life.
    • John 8:31-32
    • If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.
    • Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you
    • free.
  • 26. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 5. Our mind is renewed by learning truth and
    • applying it to our life.
    • James 1:22-25
    • Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves .
    • Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does
    • not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a
    • mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and
    • immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who
    • looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and
    • continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but
    • doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.
  • 27. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 5. Our mind is renewed by learning truth and
    • applying it to our life.
    • We are set free from our past bad patterns as we
    • consciously embrace God’s Word and apply it to
    • our lives .
  • 28. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
  • 29. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (1) Begin to see and relate properly to God.
  • 30. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (1) Begin to see and relate properly to God.
    • Psalm 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a
    • broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
    • Ecclesiastes 5:2 Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be
    • hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in
    • heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.
  • 31. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (1) Begin to see and relate properly to God.
    • Isaiah 66:2 "This is the one I esteem : he who is
    • humble and contrite in spirit , and trembles at my word .”
    • James 4:6-10 God opposes the proud but gives grace
    • to the humble . Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist
    • the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God
    • and he will come near to you.…. Humble yourselves
    • before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
  • 32. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (1) Begin to see and relate properly to God.
    • Humility is simply seeing God for Who He
    • is….and ourselves for who we are.
  • 33. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (1) Begin to see and relate properly to God.
    • Humility is simply seeing God for Who He
    • is….and ourselves for who we are.
    • We should regularly acknowledge our absolute
    • need of Him in our life .
  • 34. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (1) Begin to see and relate properly to God.
    • We need to consciously invite God to be an
    • active Guide in our marriage.
  • 35. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (1) Begin to see and relate properly to God.
    • We need to consciously invite God to be an
    • active Guide in our marriage.
    • God moves into action on our behalf when we
    • humble ourselves.
  • 36. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (1) Begin to see and relate properly to God.
    • (2) Begin to see our spouse as God sees them.
  • 37. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (2) Begin to see our spouse as God sees them.
    • Genesis 1:27
    • So God created man in his own image, in the image of
    • God he created him; male and female he created them.
    • Romans 8:32
    • He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for
    • us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously
    • give us all things?
  • 38. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (2) Begin to see our spouse as God sees them.
    • Romans 12:9-10
    • Love must be sincere….. Be devoted to one another in
    • brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves .
    • Philippians 2:3
    • Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in
    • humility consider others better than yourselves…
  • 39. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (2) Begin to see our spouse as God sees them.
    • We need to see them as the incredibly important
    • person that they are!
  • 40. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (2) Begin to see our spouse as God sees them.
    • We need to see them as the incredibly important
    • person that they are!
    • Because we treat people the way we VIEW them.
  • 41. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (1) Begin to see and relate properly to God.
    • (2) Begin to see our spouse as God sees them.
    • (3) Look for ways to verbally encourage them.
  • 42. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (3) Look for ways to verbally encourage them.
    • Proverbs 15:23 A man finds joy in giving an apt reply
    • — and how good is a timely word!
    • Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
    • sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
    • Proverbs 25:11 A word aptly spoken is like apples of
    • gold in settings of sliver .
  • 43. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (3) Look for ways to verbally encourage them.
    • Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love , we
    • will in all things grow up into him who is the Head….
    • Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come
    • out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building
    • others up according to their needs , that it may benefit
    • those who listen.
  • 44. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (3) Look for ways to verbally encourage them.
    • Colossians 4:6
    • Let your conversation be always full of grace , seasoned
    • with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone
    • 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one
    • another and build each other up , just as…you are doing.
    • Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider how we may spur
    • one another on toward love and good deeds.
  • 45. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (3) Look for ways to verbally encourage them.
    • It is absolutely true that we all have an
    • “ emotional bank account!”
  • 46. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (3) Look for ways to verbally encourage them.
    • It is absolutely true that we all have an
    • “ emotional bank account!”
    • We should be making massive deposits
    • each day to our spouse’s account.
  • 47. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (1) Begin to see and relate properly to God.
    • (2) Begin to see our spouse as God sees them.
    • (3) Look for ways to verbally encourage them.
    • (4) Develop an attitude of a servant to spouse.
  • 48. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (4) Develop an attitude of a servant to spouse.
    • Matthew 20:25-27 "You know that the rulers of the
    • Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise
    • authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever
    • wants to become great among you must be your servant ,
    • and whoever wants to be first must be your slave…
    • Mark 10:45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be
    • served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.
  • 49. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (4) Develop an attitude of a servant to spouse.
    • Philippians 2:4 – 7 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or
    • vain conceit, but in humility conside r others better than
    • yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own
    • interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude
    • should be the same as that of Christ Jesus : Who…. Made
    • himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant , being
    • made in human likeness….. he humbled himself and became
    • obedient to death — even death on a cross!
  • 50. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (4) Develop an attitude of a servant to spouse.
    • Galatians 5:13 You, my brothers, were called to be free.
    • But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature;
    • rather, serve one another in love .
    • Ephesians 2:10 For we are God's workmanship, created in
    • Christ Jesus to do good works , which God prepared in
    • advance for us to do.
  • 51. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (4) Develop an attitude of a servant to spouse.
    • 1 Peter 4:10 Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.
  • 52. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (4) Develop an attitude of a servant to spouse.
    • We are behaving in a Godly manner when we
    • serve our spouse.
  • 53. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (4) Develop an attitude of a servant to spouse.
    • We are behaving in a Godly manner when we
    • serve our spouse.
    • We KICK open the door to great communication
    • as we serve our spouse!
  • 54. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (4) Develop an attitude of a servant to spouse.
    • We are behaving in a Godly manner when we
    • serve our spouse.
    • We KICK open the door to great communication
    • as we serve our spouse!
    • Challenge: Attempt to out-serve your spouse!
  • 55. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (1) Begin to see and relate properly to God.
    • (2) Begin to see our spouse as God sees them.
    • (3) Look for ways to verbally encourage them.
    • (4) Develop an attitude of a servant to spouse.
    • (5) We learn to talk….if we feel like it or not.
  • 56. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (5) We learn to talk….if we feel like it or not.
    • Proverbs 16:21 The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.
    • 1 Peter 3:7
    • Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives…
  • 57. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (5) We learn to talk….if we feel like it or not.
    • A husband’s silence increases the anxiety of
    • his wife.
  • 58. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (5) We learn to talk….if we feel like it or not.
    • A husband’s silence increases the anxiety of
    • his wife.
    • Work at expressing how you feel .
  • 59. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (1) Begin to see and relate properly to God.
    • (2) Begin to see our spouse as God sees them.
    • (3) Look for ways to verbally encourage them.
    • (4) Develop an attitude of a servant to spouse.
    • (5) We learn to talk….if we feel like it or not.
    • (6) We learn to give appropriate feedback .
  • 60. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (6) We learn to give appropriate feedback .
    • Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
    • Proverbs 15:2 The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.
  • 61. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (6) We learn to give appropriate feedback .
    • A wise spouse will affirm the positive efforts of
    • their spouse.
  • 62. V. Beyond Basics to the Ultimate Goal
    • 6. In our marriage, applying truth means we :
    • (6) We learn to give appropriate feedback .
    • A wise spouse will affirm the positive efforts of
    • their spouse.
    • A wise spouse will not over-react when things
    • don’t go perfectly.
  • 63.
    • Five Major Keys of Effective Communication
    • 1. Maturing Character
    • 2. Mutual Understanding
    • 3. Unconditional Acceptance
    • 4. Common Sense
    • 5. Selfless Service