West Ridge Church Marriage Ministry “ Can You Hear Me Now?” Communication Keys for Couples

“ Can You Hear Me Now?”

Communication Keys for Couples

III. Dealing With Our Differences

III. Dealing With Our Differences Introduction: “Irreconcilable Differences?” The best marriages are generally those that have full alignment in values but differ in core personality temperament . It is not enough to recognize our differences – we must also respond appropriately.

Introduction: “Irreconcilable Differences?”

The best marriages are generally those that

have full alignment in values but differ in core

personality temperament .

It is not enough to recognize our differences –

we must also respond appropriately.

III. Dealing With Our Differences Our Natural Response to Differences

Our Natural Response to Differences

III. Dealing With Our Differences Our Natural Response to Differences 1. Believe that we are right and they are wrong . 2. At first, we are patient and hope they will change on their own.

Our Natural Response to Differences

1. Believe that we are right and they are wrong .

2. At first, we are patient and hope they will change on their own.

III. Dealing With Our Differences Our Natural Response to Differences 3. But when they don’t, we attempt to change them through a variety of techniques. -- Joke about it -- Teach or coach -- Shame them -- Nag repeatedly -- Yell about it -- Cry about it -- Shut down/silence

Our Natural Response to Differences

3. But when they don’t, we attempt to change them through a variety of techniques.

-- Joke about it -- Teach or coach

-- Shame them -- Nag repeatedly

-- Yell about it -- Cry about it

-- Shut down/silence

III. Dealing With Our Differences 4. Most of these techniques have the unintended result of pushing our spouse away. 5. And over time, this leads to isolation – the very opposite of intimacy. 6. If this pattern is not changed, this behavior ends up in: -- Divorce -- “M & M” Marriage Married and Miserable

4. Most of these techniques have the unintended

result of pushing our spouse away.

5. And over time, this leads to isolation – the very

opposite of intimacy.

6. If this pattern is not changed, this behavior

ends up in: -- Divorce

-- “M & M” Marriage

Married and Miserable

III. Dealing With Our Differences The Desired Response

The Desired Response

III. Dealing With Our Differences The Desired Response 1. Recognize that God has not called us to change our spouse -- that’s His job! Because “opposites attract,” we tend to be strong in areas our spouse is weak . Don’t try to change your spouse. Instead, allow God to use them to change me .

The Desired Response

1. Recognize that God has not called us

to change our spouse -- that’s His job!

Because “opposites attract,” we tend to be

strong in areas our spouse is weak .

Don’t try to change your spouse.

Instead, allow God to use them to change me .

III. Dealing With Our Differences The Desired Response 2. Accept our spouse as God’s gift to us for helping us grow. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man . The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:22,25

The Desired Response

2. Accept our spouse as God’s gift to us for

helping us grow.

Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib

he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to

the man . The man and his wife were both naked,

and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:22,25

III. Dealing With Our Differences The Desired Response 2. Accept our spouse as God’s gift to us for helping us grow. Our spouse is our God-given accountability partner! We should be asking: What is God trying to teach me?

The Desired Response

2. Accept our spouse as God’s gift to us for

helping us grow.

Our spouse is our God-given accountability

partner!

We should be asking:

What is God trying to teach me?

III. Dealing With Our Differences The Desired Response 3. Learn to embrace these differences . Romans 15:7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you , in order to bring praise to God.

The Desired Response

3. Learn to embrace these differences .

Romans 15:7

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted

you , in order to bring praise to God.

III. Dealing With Our Differences The Desired Response 3. Learn to embrace these differences . 4. Understand the stages of this process.

The Desired Response

3. Learn to embrace these differences .

4. Understand the stages of this process.

III. Dealing With Our Differences We are different and…. DATING Gee, hadn’t really noticed. Ignore MARRIAGE Yikes!!! Recognize I get it….intellectually. Understand I can live with that…if I must. Tolerate THE WALL

We are different and….

DATING

Gee, hadn’t really noticed. Ignore

MARRIAGE

Yikes!!! Recognize

I get it….intellectually. Understand

I can live with that…if I must. Tolerate

THE WALL

III. Dealing With Our Differences We are different and…. DATING Gee, hadn’t really noticed. Ignore MARRIAGE Yikes!!! Recognize I get it….intellectually. Understand I can live with that…if I must. Tolerate THE WALL MUST PUSH PAST !!!

We are different and….

DATING

Gee, hadn’t really noticed. Ignore

MARRIAGE

Yikes!!! Recognize

I get it….intellectually. Understand

I can live with that…if I must. Tolerate

THE WALL MUST PUSH PAST !!!

III. Dealing With Our Differences We are different and…. THE WALL I’m okay with that…..really. Accept I’m glad for you. Appreciate I see how that benefits us! Embrace

We are different and….

THE WALL

I’m okay with that…..really. Accept

I’m glad for you. Appreciate

I see how that benefits us! Embrace

III. Dealing With Our Differences 5. Embracing our differences creates a safe environment in which we can talk. 6. The result is that our spouse feels unconditional acceptance . We reach higher levels of intimacy only as we feel unconditionally accepted.

5. Embracing our differences creates a safe environment in which we can talk.

6. The result is that our spouse feels unconditional acceptance .

We reach higher levels of intimacy only as we feel unconditionally accepted.

Five Major Keys of Effective Communication 1. Maturing Character 2. Mutual Understanding 3. Unconditional Acceptance Will you accept me as I am?

Five Major Keys of Effective Communication

1. Maturing Character

2. Mutual Understanding

3. Unconditional Acceptance

Will you accept me as I am?