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03 15 09 Opening The Door To Effective Communication Part I Keys To Effective Communication Communication Keys For Couples
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03 15 09 Opening The Door To Effective Communication Part I Keys To Effective Communication Communication Keys For Couples

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03 15 09 Opening The Door To Effective Communication

03 15 09 Opening The Door To Effective Communication

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  • 1. West Ridge Church Marriage Ministry
    • “ Can You Hear Me Now?”
    • Communication Keys for Couples
  • 2. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • 1. Goal of Communication in Marriage
    • What are you looking to get out of this course?
    • □ Learn to manipulate my spouse.
    • □ Learn to converse without fighting so much.
    • □ Learn to communicate more effectively.
    • □ Other _____________________________
  • 3. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Level What We Say We Reveal
    • Elevator Talk Pleasantries Almost Nothing
    • Reporter Talk Facts Know
    • Intellectual Talk Thoughts Opinions
    • Emotional Talk Emotions Feel
    • Intimate Talk Secrets Desires/Fears/etc
  • 4. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • The primary goal of
    • communication in
    • marriage is to
    • increase intimacy.
  • 5. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • So where are you right now?
    • Elevator Reporter Intellectual Emotional Intimate
    • 1 2 3 4 5
    • <--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->
    • If I had to guess, I’d rate our overall level as a: ________
  • 6. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • 2. Our Words Have Power!
    • With all due respect to Mom.....
    • Words CAN and DO impact us!
  • 7. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Our words have power to impact others!
    • To Hurt Others
    • Psalm 52:2
    • Your tongue…..is like a sharpened razor….
    • Proverbs 12:18
    • Reckless words pierce like a sword…
    • Proverbs 15:1
    • … ..a harsh word stirs up anger.
    • Proverbs 15:4
    • … .a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit .
  • 8. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Our words have power to impact others!
    • To Hurt Others
    • James 3:5-9 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. But no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
  • 9. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Our words have power to impact others!
    • To HELP Others
    • Prov 12:6 …the speech of the upright rescues them.
    • Prov 2:18 …but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
    • Prov 12:25 …a kind word cheers him up.
    • Prov 5:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath…
    • Prov 15:4 tongue that brings healing is a tree of life…
  • 10. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • When words are spoken by someone we care about , they have incredible power!
  • 11. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • We train our spouse to reach
    • – or to restrict – these higher levels
    • of communication by our repetitive responses.
  • 12. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Can I trust you with
    • the real me???
  • 13. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Barriers -- Destroy Intimacy & Cause U PAIN
  • 14. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Barriers -- Destroy Intimacy & Cause U PAIN
    • 1. Unforgiveness
    • When we are unwilling to forgive , we doom our relationships !
  • 15. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Barriers -- Destroy Intimacy & Cause U PAIN
    • 1. Unforgiveness
    • 2. Pride
    • We inherently want our own way ….and often don’t even know it.
  • 16. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Barriers -- Destroy Intimacy & Cause U PAIN
    • 1. Unforgiveness
    • 2. Pride
    • 3. Anger
    • Our differences often cause resentment after marriage.
  • 17. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Barriers -- Destroy Intimacy & Cause U PAIN
    • 1. Unforgiveness
    • 2. Pride
    • 3. Anger
    • 4. Ignorance
    • We don’t understand basic communication skills .
  • 18. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Barriers -- Destroy Intimacy & Cause U PAIN
    • 1. Unforgiveness
    • 2. Pride
    • 3. Anger
    • 4. Ignorance
    • 5. Neglect
    • longer married, more we take our spouse for granted .
  • 19. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Barriers -- Destroy Intimacy & Cause U PAIN
    • Relationships are a little like tangible things (car, home, etc.) in that
    • they must be regularly maintained to function properly.
    • Communication is a key aspect of a “maintenance program.”
  • 20. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • 4. The Door to Intimacy – open or closed…
     
  • 21. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • 4. The Door to Intimacy – open or closed…
    Lack of Character Distrust Closed Off Isolation Person of Character Trust Openness Intimacy  
  • 22. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • 4. The Door to Intimacy – open or closed…
    • What does my Character have to do with communication? EVERYTHING !
    • This is why some couples are married for decades and yet live like s trangers.
    • Because every spouse wants to know the answer to ONE question:
    • Can I trust you with my heart ?
  • 23. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • 4. The Door to Intimacy – open or closed…
    • Communication Key #1:
    • The most important first step I can take to improve communication with my spouse is to focus on my own personal character development !
    • This is a lifelong journey toward a destination that we never arrive at.
  • 24. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • 5. A Mature Person of Character
    • Maturity
    • 1 Tim 4:12
    • Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech , in life, in love, and in purity.
    • Hebrews 6:1 Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity…
    • James 1:4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
  • 25. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • 5. A Mature Person of Character
    • Maturity
    • The key issue here is that we should be growing and improving .
    • Best example of what maturity is NOT:
    • a baby
  • 26. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • 5. A Mature Person of Character
    • Maturity
    • Important Marks of Maturity
    • (1) Others orientation
    • (2) Delayed gratification
    • (3) Balanced Perspective
    • So we don’t always do what we want to do -- we do what we need to do.
  • 27. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • 5. A Mature Person of Character
    • Character/Integrity
    • The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.
    • The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.
    • A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
    • A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her.
  • 28. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Key Traits of a Maturing Person of Character
  • 29. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Key Traits of a Maturing Person of Character
    • (1) Honest
    • Proverbs 12:22
    • The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men
    • who are truthful.
    • Proverbs 15:4
    • The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a
    • deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
    • Proverbs 24:26 An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips .
    • Ephesians 4:15
    • … speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow
    • up into him…
  • 30. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Key Traits of a Maturing Person of Character
    • (1) Honest
    • Ephesians 4:25
    • Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and
    • speak truthfully to his neighbor…
    • 1 Peter 3:10
    • For, &quot;Whoever would love life and see good days must
    • keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful
    • speech.
  • 31. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Key Traits of a Maturing Person of Character
    • (1) Honest
    • Honesty is the foundation of all relationships!
  • 32. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Key Traits of a Maturing Person of Character
    • (2) Considerate
    • 1 Peter 3:7
    • Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live
    • with your wives, and treat them with respect as the
    • weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious
    • gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers .
    • Ephesians 4:32
    • Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving
    • each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
  • 33. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Key Traits of a Maturing Person of Character
    • (2) Considerate
    • Colossians 3:12
    • Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly
    • loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness,
    • humility, gentleness and patience.
    • Being considerate is first about considering your
    • spouse’s needs.
    • It is also about behavior that demonstrates you have
    • been thinking of them.
  • 34. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Key Traits of a Maturing Person of Character
    • (3) Committed/Trustworthy
    • 1 Corinthians 4:2
    • Now it is required that those who have been given a trust
    • must prove faithful.
    • Galatians 5:22
    • But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,
    • kindness, goodness, faithfulnes s,
  • 35. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Key Traits of a Maturing Person of Character
    • (3) Committed/Trustworthy
    • Commitment = faithfulness to our spouse
    • – won’t bail when going gets rough.
    • Nothing shuts down openness faster than revealing a secret shared in confidence .
  • 36. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Key Traits of a Maturing Person of Character
    • (4) Humble
    • Ephesians 4:2
    • Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with
    • one another in love.
    • Philippians 2:3
    • Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in
    • humility consider others better than yourselves.
    • Humility means that I see myself and others as God
    • sees us .
  • 37. I. Opening the Door to Communication
    • Five Major Keys of Effective Communication
    • 1. Maturing Character
    • Can I trust you with my heart?

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