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2011BoydGarn Smackdown 2.0
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2011BoydGarn Smackdown 2.0



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  • 1. Myk Garn and Ritchie Boyd Managing partners Swindle, Shake, Divert & Obfuscate, LLC.   Revenue Enhancement on your Campus for the New Millennium
  • 2. The Problem
      • State revenue support is at an all time low
      • Costs are escalating
      • Entrepreneurism is to be rewarded
    The Solution
      • A highly successful model already exists
      • Everybody Hum: “ Fly the friendly skies…”
                Costs vs Revenue           
  • 3. “ You Learn – We Earn”
      • Thorough review of your institutional processes and cost centers
      • Top recommendations that will allow your institution to Maximize revenue while providing the enduring patina of high quality customer services
  • 4. You are already making progress…
      • Super Size my tuition !
        • “ Up to 20 credits for the cost of 12!”
      • A different rate for every student !
        • In-state, out of state, residential, left-handed…
      • A complex and dizzying array of fees and surcharges !
        • Lab fees, Technology fees, Processing fees, etc…
      • But – there is SO MUCH MORE you could do!
  • 5. Premium Technology services
      • Device Insurance – standard / premium
        • $9.95/$19.95 per term, plus one free 256K USB drive!
      • Tiered Wi-Fi access
        • Tall (dial-up speed) – Free - Limited  availability
        • Grande (DSL speed) - $19.95/mo  Not guaranteed during peak use periods
        • Vente (1gbps) - $1.99/day, or $120/term
          • Instant Level 80 Shaman status on WOW
      • But wait...There's more!
  • 6. “ Student Retention” package
      • Preferential registration slots - first in line to enroll in the classes YOU want!
      • Personalized  Tutoring
        • Email: $9.99 per class or .99 per use, Chat: $19.99 or 1.99 per use, Phone $29.99/2.99 per use.
        • During tests: 25% surcharge
      • Student VIP lounge in every building
  • 7. “ Retention PLUS”
      • Premium Faculty Access (after hours or 2pm, whichever comes first)
      • Concierge Beverage Service  – Redbull and Lattes delivered to your classroom!  Order via smartphone!
      • Course Completion Insurance (if you get sick - our tutors will finish the course for you)
      • Monthly drawing: “Get out of jail free” pass for Turn-it-in violations!
  • 8. “ Course Content Wizard”
      • Taped Lectures are free.   Faculty notes .99 per session; Access to group notes .99
      • Digital Content: Basic content is free, Pro Pak  includes flash examples @.99 each, syllabus updates, and accurate page numbers .
      • Content Upgrade Notifications (pop-up notification) “Do you want to upgrade to the latest content for .99?”
      • Subscription Extension Service: Digital content updates beyond the class ($12.99/yr)
  • 9. Residual Knowledge Value Insurance
      • In many disciplines - the knowledge itself is at risk - the currency of the information deteriorates at 25% per year
      • Students don’t want to be caught underwater or upside down with old, outdated knowledge.   Don't let this happen to you! >>>
      • For $29.99 per course per year, your students can guarantee their knowledge will always be kept up to date (No need to worry - we provide a recurring perpetual-approved charge to VISA/MasterCard)
    After 2 years After 5 years New Graduate
  • 10. “ The Frequent Flyer”
      • Personal coat check and note-taker by request (availability limited)
      • Early bird seating for each class session in extra wide plush fully reclining chairs with surround sound
      • iAccess to notes from 4.0 students ($5.99 per session - shared revenue with student, organized and prepared)
  • 11. “ The Sports Fanatic”
      • Premium Tailgate Parking + Seating in Dean's Skybox
      • Cheer/Yell Leaders will "Like" your Facebook page. ...Repeatedly.
      • In-game Twitter updates from starting players.
      • Access to one Half-time Locker Room Pep Talk (must sign profanity and personal injury waiver)  
      • All for $39.99 per game!
  • 12. "Lord of the Classroom"
      • Inflatable student: $2.99/session  (M/ F/ Metro available)
      • Intelligent Emulator  (students using this service scored on average  one full grade higher  on tests and papers)
      • Custom Transcripts.   Includes unlimited upload access to national portable transcript database (+ 1 free upgrade to final class score, additional at $129.99 per upgrade)
  • 13. Get a Room... Your Name Goes Here!!!
  • 14. Q: “Is This Seat Taken?”   A: "Never!"
      • Reserved Seating in large lecture sessions
        • Front five rows are free
        • Back row = 3.99 per session - 29.99 per term
        • Extra leg room / aisle seats: .99 premium/9.99 per term
        • Electrical outlet: .99 per session
        • Cushions: .99 per session
        • “ Irritating Guy” insurance: $25/term
  • 15. "Cafe Courses"
      • Bistro and beverage service during most classes, full lunch for noon-hour classes
      • Complimentary cocktails  for all classes scheduled between 5:00pm - 7:00pm
      • A la Carte Content Menu.  Learn what you want in the order you want
      • A steamy hot washcloth  after each lecture !
  • 16. Freemium Restroom Access
      • Pay toilets… with a swipe ! (…of your credit card)
      • Standard – cleaned once a week  by students, generic tissue on stingy dispensers
      • Premium – cleaned daily by professionals, fresh cotton towels, “ All you can use ” Charmin tissue
  • 17. For commuter campuses: Parking Lotto!
      • Rub-off cards that pay out in preferential parking locations.
      • Auctions, auctions, auctions: Not just the president’s parking spot anymore! Or choose from:
        • Faculty lounge pass (with 2 free drinks - top shelf excluded)
        • Mention in an upcoming presidential speech
      • Late for class? Valet parking with express golf cart to classroom service (8.99 per hour)
  • 18. “ Faculty On Call” Our answer to escalating overhead
      • Increasingly most faculty will not be full-time but will piece together careers teaching multiple courses for many different providers
      • Never hire another faculty member again!
      • For a 12% fee we are your national leader in world-class faculty placement services - providing one-stop hiring and firing HR service for universities - and finding adjunct employment opportunities for faculty
  • 19. “ Faculty On Call” Our answer to escalating overhead
      • Vetted though national criminal, sex offender and no-fly lists
      • Our guarantee: Most of our Faculty On Call will be content specialists in the areas they teach!
      • Note: While many faculty reside in the US not all faculty may be US residents
      • Low-cost group health insurance as a benefit  
      • We'll make you an offer you can't refuse!
  • 20. You Learn - We Earn A Way Forward - with Maximum Revenue K eep college profitable E ducation that earns G enerate maximum revenue G et more out of college (students) E levate your bottom-line R ealize increased sustainability