How To Say No, As a StudentNaledi SaulAssociate DirectorOffice of Career & Professional DevelopmentUniversity of Californi...
Our Agenda  2   Why it is important for students say ‟No‟   The important moment between Their Ask and Your Answer   Th...
Learning Outcomes:                                    By the end of this workshop, you will…..  3      1. Understand why i...
Our Agenda  4   Why it is important for students say ‟No‟   The important moment between Their Ask and Your Answer   Th...
Why it‟s important for students to say „No‟  5            University = infinite opportunities + finite amount of time.   ...
Our Agenda  6   Why it is important for students say ‟No‟   The important moment between Their Ask and Your Answer   Th...
With Friends: In the moment between                    Their Ask and Your Answer, imagine a stoplight  7      Hey Shannon,...
With Preceptors: In the moment between                    Their Ask and Your Answer, imagine a stoplight  8      These 9  ...
With Faculty: In the moment between                    Their Ask and Your Answer, imagine a stoplight  9      Hey Shannon ...
How can the stoplight help you? 10   Visualizing a stoplight can interrupt your automatic „Yes‟.   It gives you a few se...
Our Agenda 11   Why it is important for students say ‟No‟   The important moment between Their Ask and Your    Answer  ...
The stoplight walks you through 3 steps 12                                                                                ...
The stoplight walks you through 3 steps 13                                                                                ...
The stoplight walks you through 3 steps 14                                                                                ...
Step 1: Understand why you say yes 15                                                                                Under...
Step 1: Understand why you say „Yes‟ 16You want to feel good You fear possible thoughts of others                         ...
Step 1: Understand why you say „Yes‟ 17You want to feel good        You want to prove                        It’s fun & ne...
In the moments after we are asked for something by someone,            all our reasons to say „Yes‟ sometime crowd out our...
...And so, saying „Yes‟                            can be a GOOD, SHORT TERM strategy: 19             Say Yes = Avoid Bad:...
...but saying „Yes‟                                can be a BAD LONG TERM strategy: 20             You feel:              ...
Our Agenda 21   Why it is important for students say ‟No‟   The important moment between Their Ask and Your    Answer  ...
Step 2:                    Wanting to say „No‟ vs. being able to say „No‟ 22                                              ...
Step 2: Assess if you can say ‘No’ 23 Is it my                          Is it personally a                      Can I actu...
Be curious! Ask questions before deciding „Yes‟ or „No‟ 24        Get specific tasks, timelines, outcomes:                ...
Our Agenda 25   Why it is important for students say ‟No‟   The important moment between Their Ask and Your    Answer  ...
Her friend asks, and Shannon says „No‟ 26      Hey Shannon, can you help      me organize a lunchtime                     ...
Step 3: The language of saying no 27                                                                           Acknowledge...
Always lead with the „No‟ 28      Principles: Be clear, concise and collegial.       I‟m sorry, I can‟t.       I‟m sorry...
Step 3: The language of saying „No‟ 29                                                                           Acknowled...
Step 3:How to say „No‟ when you can, and negotiating when you can‟t. 30                                                   ...
Her preceptor asks, and Shannon negotiates 31      These 9                                  Shannon, can                  ...
Step 3: The language of                                                  negotiating/limiting the „Yes‟ 32                ...
Her faculty advisor asks, and Shannon negotiates 33      Hey Shannon – I think you                                        ...
Step 3: The language of                                                  negotiating/limiting the „Yes‟ 34                ...
4 strategies                                             to negotiate or limit your „Yes‟. 35      1. Try to schedule:    ...
4 strategies                                              to negotiate or limit your Yes‟. 36        2. Try to limit/get h...
4 strategies                                             to negotiate or limit your „Yes‟. 37    3. Have an exit plan:    ...
4 strategies                                              to negotiate or limit your „Yes‟ 38          4. Defer for space/...
Final Points 39            In the end, the ability to say „No‟ when you             can, and negotiate when possible, is ...
Final Points:                                                        When you can say no: 40                 "Although it...
Final Points:                                                  When you cannot say no:                    “In business, a...
So, the next time you are asked for something,                        visualize your stoplight 42      Hey Shannon, can yo...
Want more help? 43       Come      to the OCPD and check out our library books on            negotiation and effective co...
How To Say No, As a Student                         career.ucsf.eduNaledi SaulAssociate DirectorOffice of Career & Profess...
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UCSF OCPD: How to Say No Professionally, As a Student

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This workshop focuses on teaching health professional and graduate students how to say no professionally. The session covers the framework, language and strategies to set boundaries.

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  • What every successful, _HEALTHY – person I know, knows. I want to make sure you undertand… In short, I want you to know the steps and the ettiquetearoudn saying no, professionally.
  • What every successful, _HEALTHY – person I know, knows. I want to make sure you undertand… In short, I want you to know the steps and the ettiquetearoudn saying no, professionally.
  • What every successful, _HEALTHY – person I know, knows. I want to make sure you undertand… In short, I want you to know the steps and the ettiquetearoudn saying no, professionally.
  • After talking to my mom last night I changed by deifintion about why it’s important to say no – the reason why it’s important to say no is bdcause:In general – every student I’ve worked with knows why saying no is a good thing - this isn’t a conceptual question: it’s an implementation question. It’s how do you pull off saying no as a student? How do you say no to an precepto or clinical instructor – whos evaluating me. And adivsor writing a letter of recommendation for you. It’s how do you say not to friends who have helped you with your projects. How do you turn down amazingopportinuties when people tell you to make the most of your education? So that’s what we’re covering. And here’s how we’re going to do it: You are going to take a moment and tell the person next to you something that you said yes to professionally or academically, that as you think on it now you wish you’d said no to. Because it helps to go through this framework we are talking about process with a tangible situation in your mind. So, take a moment – think of something – that event you’d said you’d help organize? the unexpected additional tasks for that gorupprohect that you took on?. That day you agreed to cover for a friend? Anything. and in one minute – tell each other what it was. Successful,healthypeople value their time, talents and priorities. They consistently re-establish boundaries to focus their energy and efforts on what is personally and professionally meaningful to them.
  • What every successful, _HEALTHY – person I know, knows. I want to make sure you undertand… In short, I want you to know the steps and the ettiquetearoudn saying no, professionally.
  • The main thing I want you to walk away with – if you remember nothing else is this. There is a stoplight between every ask and answer. That’s because there is a moment, between the time a person asks you for something, and the moment you respond. In this moment – in this gap – there sits an virtual stoplight, that almost every healthy person I know has some variation of. So whether it’s Shannon’s friend Derek – who neesdhelpd
  • Or at work, with,burt and ernie here – shannon’s a pharmacy student.
  • Or in school, with her advisor, Jane,,,,,becauseshannon’s getting a phd and a pharmDsimultanously. That this stoplight exists. Three steps to help her figure out how to say no gracefully. And we’re going to dissect them .
  • What every successful, _HEALTHY – person I know, knows. I want to make sure you undertand… In short, I want you to know the steps and the ettiquetearoudn saying no, professionally.
  • What every successful, _HEALTHY – person I know, knows. I want to make sure you undertand… In short, I want you to know the steps and the ettiquetearoudn saying no, professionally.
  • First – understand why you want to say yes.
  • If this personally or professionally meaningful to you – and this information gathering is different from you actually have a choice. And it’s important to note.
  • Finally –once you determing if you can say no: what’s the langauge or ettiquette. And if you can’t – what is the language to negotiate or limit I’s impoct.
  • So lets’ go thought it. First – think back to your example. Let’s think about who you said yes because you’re weak or in a vaccum. – there are conscious and unconscjous pressures on you – and you ability to recofgnize them, will allow you to defuse their power over you.
  • Positive reasons negative reasonsThere are four main reasons a person says yes:Here’s every reason I’ve gotten so far about why people said yes. I DIDN”T THINK I COULD SAY NO – They wouldn’at ask if it wasn’t my job. Precision breadth/depth (know huge amount about something, if you know a huge amound about hepb, you have the ability to be interstedidn diabetes…also bretdht, broadly knowledgable. So you can relate your work to larger context. bevelopment, developmenfinanice, the role of the agences). Good speaking and good writing are 4 and 5. Research in academic settingDevelopment assistanceGHS Education & training“Community based Technology interventionApplying to medical school: develiping clinical trial in TB regimin. MedicL SCHOOL (6 OF THEM) - BRIDGE MEDICAL CAREER WITH TEACHING, AND THINGS LIKE THAT. Problems:I am switching through careersPrsenting range of a lot of little experience as an asset. Balancing exciting/mobile career with family, and medical school:Juggling between two subjects – women health and sanatitation. Consider working in larger organiziation. Also, see where they meet: like pediatric diabletes.How do I break in I have many degrees, in sciences, etc., but how do I break in?I would like to do the work I do in country on a larger scale – (international folks are super experience), working work in one city – the traditional avenues of aid are going to change by home grown social entreprenuership. On larger scarle with local relevance. Larger scale with a fianical bottom line to be sustainable. . Also accessing private capital is essential. As a clinician, do they want to keep up their clinical skills and accreditiation, if they go into policy. Is there a work your way up avenue that doesn’t involve internships: cdc has entrey level programs or USAID has peace corps, are no extra degree/no free internship paths. Desgning and implementing health programs and health policy – have to get field world in country. Occupational health: Internships with international development agencies. “Looking for jobs. Africa, asia. For profit health consulting. Program manager at gates foundation. AREAS:Academia: have to have doctoral degree and research portfolio behind you, and if you want to jump backandroth between sectors – and and out of academe, ofay, but you need ot have the Pharma/biotech companiesConsulting: Kpmg non profit section in san francisco, mckinsey, john snow, ‘management sciences for health’ on east coast. NGOs: red crossGovt.: cdc has lots of trainig programs, cdc is the door for doctors – like epi. Intelligence, the way peace corps is for everyone else. , usaid has like a peace corps prerequisit unless you have foregin service exam. Foundations: gates, heulettfouandation does women’s health in sf. California endowment, siera foundation – they are GLOBAL HEALTH who are the people who are there.Physicians with advanced training in something like trauma, infectious diseases, etc. choices, public health macroEcomonists, come up through academic settings, and think tanks, world bank, imf, africandeve. Bank, Engineers: civil engineering. Do a big water project, someone should now cement works. Bench sciences: doing researchersSkill set: Setting up hospitalsBusiness people:Law school: international health and internaopnal law share many underpinnings, drug patent protections, the DOHA accords, Vet med.AgronomistsFoundations project offier masters degree: the online foundation directory. UK: oxfam, there are five large organizations in the UK. France: medicine du mond, and medicne sans frontiers. Geneva: red cross. European CDC has internships – but you might be able to do but you need to be able to work in europe. Be flexible. Serendility tale, netowkring and good mentoring.Languages. Alumni association. Faculty members. Mastery at something. the drinken walk is a book. Devex, idealist, jahac, : Websites wit hjobs. People feel lost, need framework. Framework. – Can you structure things clearly, solution orientaiton, can see deliverable, can break it into parts. . Make it simple, chunklable. PANO: pan american, health organization. There is no single path. So, the story can feel complex, but it key – of whre your interest sMy interest is in developing interventions that help. .Nurse, seeing diabetes incidence rise in , looking at rising incidence of Content: I am committed to curing diabetes. And so I worked as a clinician at SFGH, and then assisted with education and outreach, and then conductdI think peope interview poorly, because people aren’t certain what’s supposed to happen in a interivew, and only practice interviewing when it matters. Skill set: Consider being a management person: finance, or people management. Finance vs. accounting. Business finance With health focus is at berkeley.. Manage some type of a project. Apply for task maanger type of a hob. Breaking in private, ngos, ngos, international agencies, academia, all dealing with bglobal health. So break inopportinies are greater. Internships - back door to job you wouldn’t get if you applied directly. Also, it isn’t odd if you wre employed previously, and then went to an internship. If you can explain why you’re interested, to learn about that organization can be presented bery admirably. Succincly and softly: speaking: it is an arogance – my words are so important, that you have to strain to listen to me. Skill set. How to organize a project effecgively, use resources efficiently to meet a goal. And as And you might work in project Understand and implement succesfulinterverventions to promote the health and wellbeing of vulnerable ppulations. And you can do that as a clinicanvulunteering at a local at a health education, conduct diabetes research, onwork an a proejct on water sanitation, and these are not incongrous.
  • Positive reasons negative reasonsThere are four main reasons a person says yes:Here’s every reason I’ve gotten so far about why people said yes. I DIDN”T THINK I COULD SAY NO – They wouldn’at ask if it wasn’t my job. Precision breadth/depth (know huge amount about something, if you know a huge amound about hepb, you have the ability to be interstedidn diabetes…also bretdht, broadly knowledgable. So you can relate your work to larger context. bevelopment, developmenfinanice, the role of the agences). Good speaking and good writing are 4 and 5. Research in academic settingDevelopment assistanceGHS Education & training“Community based Technology interventionApplying to medical school: develiping clinical trial in TB regimin. MedicL SCHOOL (6 OF THEM) - BRIDGE MEDICAL CAREER WITH TEACHING, AND THINGS LIKE THAT. Problems:I am switching through careersPrsenting range of a lot of little experience as an asset. Balancing exciting/mobile career with family, and medical school:Juggling between two subjects – women health and sanatitation. Consider working in larger organiziation. Also, see where they meet: like pediatric diabletes.How do I break in I have many degrees, in sciences, etc., but how do I break in?I would like to do the work I do in country on a larger scale – (international folks are super experience), working work in one city – the traditional avenues of aid are going to change by home grown social entreprenuership. On larger scarle with local relevance. Larger scale with a fianical bottom line to be sustainable. . Also accessing private capital is essential. As a clinician, do they want to keep up their clinical skills and accreditiation, if they go into policy. Is there a work your way up avenue that doesn’t involve internships: cdc has entrey level programs or USAID has peace corps, are no extra degree/no free internship paths. Desgning and implementing health programs and health policy – have to get field world in country. Occupational health: Internships with international development agencies. “Looking for jobs. Africa, asia. For profit health consulting. Program manager at gates foundation. AREAS:Academia: have to have doctoral degree and research portfolio behind you, and if you want to jump backandroth between sectors – and and out of academe, ofay, but you need ot have the Pharma/biotech companiesConsulting: Kpmg non profit section in san francisco, mckinsey, john snow, ‘management sciences for health’ on east coast. NGOs: red crossGovt.: cdc has lots of trainig programs, cdc is the door for doctors – like epi. Intelligence, the way peace corps is for everyone else. , usaid has like a peace corps prerequisit unless you have foregin service exam. Foundations: gates, heulettfouandation does women’s health in sf. California endowment, siera foundation – they are GLOBAL HEALTH who are the people who are there.Physicians with advanced training in something like trauma, infectious diseases, etc. choices, public health macroEcomonists, come up through academic settings, and think tanks, world bank, imf, africandeve. Bank, Engineers: civil engineering. Do a big water project, someone should now cement works. Bench sciences: doing researchersSkill set: Setting up hospitalsBusiness people:Law school: international health and internaopnal law share many underpinnings, drug patent protections, the DOHA accords, Vet med.AgronomistsFoundations project offier masters degree: the online foundation directory. UK: oxfam, there are five large organizations in the UK. France: medicine du mond, and medicne sans frontiers. Geneva: red cross. European CDC has internships – but you might be able to do but you need to be able to work in europe. Be flexible. Serendility tale, netowkring and good mentoring.Languages. Alumni association. Faculty members. Mastery at something. the drinken walk is a book. Devex, idealist, jahac, : Websites wit hjobs. People feel lost, need framework. Framework. – Can you structure things clearly, solution orientaiton, can see deliverable, can break it into parts. . Make it simple, chunklable. PANO: pan american, health organization. There is no single path. So, the story can feel complex, but it key – of whre your interest sMy interest is in developing interventions that help. .Nurse, seeing diabetes incidence rise in , looking at rising incidence of Content: I am committed to curing diabetes. And so I worked as a clinician at SFGH, and then assisted with education and outreach, and then conductdI think peope interview poorly, because people aren’t certain what’s supposed to happen in a interivew, and only practice interviewing when it matters. Skill set: Consider being a management person: finance, or people management. Finance vs. accounting. Business finance With health focus is at berkeley.. Manage some type of a project. Apply for task maanger type of a hob. Breaking in private, ngos, ngos, international agencies, academia, all dealing with bglobal health. So break inopportinies are greater. Internships - back door to job you wouldn’t get if you applied directly. Also, it isn’t odd if you wre employed previously, and then went to an internship. If you can explain why you’re interested, to learn about that organization can be presented bery admirably. Succincly and softly: speaking: it is an arogance – my words are so important, that you have to strain to listen to me. Skill set. How to organize a project effecgively, use resources efficiently to meet a goal. And as And you might work in project Understand and implement succesfulinterverventions to promote the health and wellbeing of vulnerable ppulations. And you can do that as a clinicanvulunteering at a local at a health education, conduct diabetes research, onwork an a proejct on water sanitation, and these are not incongrous.
  • Note – in the moments after we are asked something…… and so…..
  • Part of the reason why you are saying yes, is that it is a sensible short term strategy. Don’t discount that feeling. -
  • It just happens to be a bad long term strategy. Students have said: You overcommit yourself. You put yourself in a difficult situation. You don’t take care of yourself. S, step one - be clear of the internal and external influences affecting you and making you want to say yes you when you say no.
  • What every successful, _HEALTHY – person I know, knows. I want to make sure you undertand… In short, I want you to know the steps and the ettiquetearoudn saying no, professionally.
  • At this stage, the most important thing is to separate out whether or not this is important to you vs. can you say no. The five questions you can ask: list them. You can give yourself permssion to THINK no, even if you can’t SAY no. In talking with students – the question that gets them to no the fastest: Question 3.
  • There are three types of questions: getting people to specify tasks, timeloines and outcomes. People are often reluctant to do this – because they think that if you don’t shut them down quickly, you’ll get trapped. But really – you can say no – this is just about being clear to what you’re staying no. Also, there are time when in power dynamics they don’t say no, because they are afraid they will appear unknolwedgable or difficult. Often the person asking for something seems not to have time. So take 60 seconds. Make it one question –and if you need more you can come back later.
  • What every successful, _HEALTHY – person I know, knows. I want to make sure you undertand… In short, I want you to know the steps and the ettiquetearoudn saying no, professionally.
  • The main thing I want you to walk away with – if you remember nothing else is this. There is a stoplight between every ask and answer. That’s because there is a moment, between the time a person asks you for something, and the moment you respond. In this moment – in this gap – there sits an virtual stoplight, that almost every healthy person I know has some variation of. So whether it’s Shannon’s friend Derek – who neesdhelpd
  • Now the key thing about the no – is that you probably will have to repeat it – it’s about continuously reestablishing boundaries, and being okay when people press at them. Derek will probably look deflated, or press - please? And you have to be centered. Please note that people seems to give up after 3 times, so you just have to hang in there. To prepare: non verbal cues help you as well. You can look disaapointed, and shake your head while speaking. Also, I have one friend who images a golden, shining forcefieldaprpearing around her whens he’s about to say no. Another imagine a row of waving tulips. Whatever it takes to remain centered in your no. If people press – say, I know you’re disappointed. And I know it’s hard to organize these things. I know you’ve helped me. But I cannot this time. You don’t have to say you’re sorry if you’re not.
  • The goal is to be clear, concise and collegiala. ….. Lead with the no.
  • Here is another example: One mistake people make is by burying the lead: the no – with all sorts of info – because they feel they hae to justify or explain it. You don’t. See here – no explanation. In sum: Be quick. Be clean, be merciful. Don’t assume that the other person will just back off. They won’t. They need help. You’re just saying it can’t be you. This time.
  • My husband jokes that the only reason why no exists as a third year med studen…….If you can do this – it’s the foundation of yoursaying no. But first, we need to quickly look at why we say yes.
  • Or at work, with,burt and ernie here – shannon’s a pharmacy student.
  • In these situations – you might be able to say no – but if it feels like you can’t – try to limit the yes:How do you do that> Summarize, so you get give yourself a minute to get your mind around the request. It’s a staling tactic. NeogtiateparapametersAnd then,, afterwards, confirm agreement. So for example:
  • Or in school, with her advisor, Jane,,,,,becauseshannon’s getting a phd and a pharmDsimultanously. That this stoplight exists. Three steps to help her figure out how to say no gracefully. And we’re going to dissect them .
  • In these situations – you might be able to say no – but if it feels like you can’t – try to limit the yes:How do you do that> Summarize, so you get give yourself a minute to get your mind around the request. It’s a staling tactic. NeogtiateparapametersAnd then,, afterwards, confirm agreement. So for example:
  • There are four main strategies to negotaitte or limit the yes. 1 try to schedule.
  • Shannon takes mercy on Derek who asked for help a third time. - Limit. Get helpCounter offer. You can ask. If anyone comes back at you, you can reiterate that my goal is to make sure patients get this done. This was just one possible strategy. I will take this onn.
  • Particualry with friends: Derek, I can only help you until 3pm. And then at 3, you have to leave – no matter what/
  • Because it’s hard to say no in the moment – if you can – if it isn’t an immediate request, punt for time. I definitately want to help you. I just want to check with Dr. X who asked for Y. Can I get back to you before the day is out?Look it is important to address the issue of s,okingcessassion. Let me look at what I have so far and see how it might work as a chapter. Thank you for suggesting that I read up on X _ I definatley want to do that. I have to take my X exam on Friday, so can I present next weeK
  • When you can say no: I hope you will think of this:
  • When you can say no: I hope you will think of this:
  • The main thing I want you to walk away with – if you remember nothing else is this. There is a stoplight between every ask and answer. That’s because there is a moment, between the time a person asks you for something, and the moment you respond. In this moment – in this gap – there sits an virtual stoplight, that almost every healthy person I know has some variation of. So whether it’s Shannon’s friend Derek – who neesdhelpd
  • The goal is to be clear, concise and collegiala. ….. Lead with the no.
  • UCSF OCPD: How to Say No Professionally, As a Student

    1. 1. How To Say No, As a StudentNaledi SaulAssociate DirectorOffice of Career & Professional DevelopmentUniversity of California, San Francisco
    2. 2. Our Agenda 2  Why it is important for students say ‟No‟  The important moment between Their Ask and Your Answer  The Stoplight: 3 steps 1. Why you say ‘Yes’ when you want tp, or need to, say „No‟. 2. Assess if you WANT to say „No‟ & if you CAN say „No‟. 3. Language to say ‘No‟ when you can, language when you can‟t.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    3. 3. Learning Outcomes: By the end of this workshop, you will….. 3 1. Understand why it is important to say „No‟ sometimes & set boundaries 1. Recognize the factors influencing your reluctance to say „No‟ 2. Have key questions to assess if you should or can say „No‟ 3. Know the framework and language to say „No‟ professionally 4. Understand strategies and have language when you cannot say „No‟ (negotiate agreement, delay decision, etc.)© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    4. 4. Our Agenda 4  Why it is important for students say ‟No‟  The important moment between Their Ask and Your Answer  The Stoplight: 3 steps 1. Why you say ‘Yes’ when you want to, or need to, say „No‟. 2. Assess if you WANT to say „No‟ & if you CAN say „No‟. 3. Language to say ‘No‟ when you can, language when you can‟t.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    5. 5. Why it‟s important for students to say „No‟ 5  University = infinite opportunities + finite amount of time.  Counterintuitive tip to survive & thrive? oYou have to Prioritize + you have to Pace yourself. Your life will feel much richer, enjoyable and rewarding if you recommit yourself every day to try to make choices that prioritize the people and activities that are personally and professionally meaningful to you.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    6. 6. Our Agenda 6  Why it is important for students say ‟No‟  The important moment between Their Ask and Your Answer  The Stoplight: 3 steps 1. Why you say ‘Yes’ when you want to, or need to, say „No‟. 2. Assess if you WANT to say „No‟ & if you CAN say „No‟. 3. Language to say ‘No‟ when you can, language when you can‟t.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    7. 7. With Friends: In the moment between Their Ask and Your Answer, imagine a stoplight 7 Hey Shannon, can you help me organize a lunchtime …….! speaker series? Step 1 I’m desperate, and really need your help! Step 2 Step 3© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    8. 8. With Preceptors: In the moment between Their Ask and Your Answer, imagine a stoplight 8 These 9 Shannon, can you fill these …….! customers need Step 1 to be called. 18 prescriptions before lunch? Step 2 Step 3© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    9. 9. With Faculty: In the moment between Their Ask and Your Answer, imagine a stoplight 9 Hey Shannon – I think you …….! need to include another Step 1 chapter in your dissertation before you’re ready to defend. Step 2 Step 3© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    10. 10. How can the stoplight help you? 10  Visualizing a stoplight can interrupt your automatic „Yes‟.  It gives you a few seconds to think through the request and respond effectively.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    11. 11. Our Agenda 11  Why it is important for students say ‟No‟  The important moment between Their Ask and Your Answer  The Stoplight: 3 steps 1. Why you say ‘Yes’ when you want to, or need to, say „No‟. 2. Assess if you WANT to say „No‟ & if you CAN say „No‟. 3. Language to say ‘No‟ when you can, language when you can‟t.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    12. 12. The stoplight walks you through 3 steps 12 Understand why Step 1 you want to say yes. Assess: Is this your priority? Step 2 Can you say no in this situation? Step 3 The Language of The Language of negotiating & saying no. limiting.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    13. 13. The stoplight walks you through 3 steps 13 Understand why Step 1 you want to say yes. Assess: Is this your priority? Step 2 Can you say no in this situation? Step 3 The Language of The Language of negotiating & saying no. limiting.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    14. 14. The stoplight walks you through 3 steps 14 Understand why Step 1 you want to say yes. Assess: Is this your priority? Step 2 Can you say no in this situation? Step 3 The Language of The Language of negotiating & saying no. limiting.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    15. 15. Step 1: Understand why you say yes 15 Understand why Step 1 you want to say yes. Assess: IsIs this a priority? this your priority? Step 2 Can you say no in this situation? Step 3 The Language of The Language of negotiating & saying no. limiting.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    16. 16. Step 1: Understand why you say „Yes‟ 16You want to feel good You fear possible thoughts of others You fear possible consequences© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    17. 17. Step 1: Understand why you say „Yes‟ 17You want to feel good You want to prove It’s fun & new You said no & interesting! You underestimated how to yourself/others last time. long it will take. that you can do it. You want to You forgot what you You believe it’s your give back. already committed to. Everybody else responsibility. was doing it. You didn’t know how to You want You want to let them down gently. to return put it on That you will get in a favor. your CV. trouble (evaluated If you don’t do it, negatively, etc.). You aren’t a it won’t get done team player/ (right). You will disappoint good friend. others, or they That you won’t like you. You aren’t You aren’t a aren’t doing committed to hard worker. your job. Other people won’t success. help you later. You fear possible thoughts of others You fear possible consequences© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    18. 18. In the moments after we are asked for something by someone, all our reasons to say „Yes‟ sometime crowd out our need to say „No‟. Hey Shannon, can you help me organize a lunchtime speaker series? It’s fun & new & You want to interesting I’m desperate, and really prove to yourself/others ! need your help! that you can do it. No! You forgot what you already committed to. You want to give back. You believe it’s You your said no responsibility. You underestimated last how long it will take. time. You didn’t know how to let them You want to down gently. return a You aren’t favor. That you a team aren’t That you will get in trouble player doing (evaluated negatively, etc.). your job. If you don’t do You aren’t it, it won’t ge committed to done (right). You will success. disappoint others, or they won’t like you. You aren’t a Other people hard won’t help you worker. later. 18© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    19. 19. ...And so, saying „Yes‟ can be a GOOD, SHORT TERM strategy: 19 Say Yes = Avoid Bad:  You can avoid bad feelings/possible conflict with others. Say Yes = Embrace Good:  You can have good feelings: Because it feels good to say yes: You get to take care of things you think are important, you get to do new things, get kudos from others, feel needed.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    20. 20. ...but saying „Yes‟ can be a BAD LONG TERM strategy: 20 You feel:  …stressed  …resentful  ...angry  …discouraged  …takenadvantage of  …incompetent about protecting yourself  …embarrassed that you aren‟t „strong‟ enough ….and you burn out. Repeatedly.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    21. 21. Our Agenda 21  Why it is important for students say ‟No‟  The important moment between Their Ask and Your Answer  The Stoplight: 3 steps 1. Why you say ‘Yes’ when you want to, or need to, say „No‟. 2. Assess if you WANT to say „No‟ & if you CAN say „No‟. 3. Language to say ‘No‟ when you can, language when you can‟t.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    22. 22. Step 2: Wanting to say „No‟ vs. being able to say „No‟ 22 Understand why Step 1 you want to say yes. Assess: IsIs this a priority? this your priority? Step 2 Can you say no in this situation? Step 3 The Language of The Language of negotiating & saying no. limiting.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    23. 23. Step 2: Assess if you can say ‘No’ 23 Is it my Is it personally a Can I actually do What do I gain & Is my reason for responsibility? priority? it? (Considering lose from saying saying yes everything else I yes? motivated by committed to?) guilt, fear or avoidance? Be honest with yourself. Give yourself permission to think ‘No’ if it’s what you’re feelng, even if you might have to say ‘Yes’.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    24. 24. Be curious! Ask questions before deciding „Yes‟ or „No‟ 24 Get specific tasks, timelines, outcomes:  Tasks: Before I commit to this, can you tell me what help you need in organizing the lunchtime speaker series?  Timelines: Could you guess-timate how much time you think these tasks will take? What is your timeframe?  Outcomes: I can see this is important. Can you say what your thoughts are about why an additional chapter would strengthen my dissertation?  Outcomes: I know you‟ve worked hard on this project. Can you summarize why your work merits first authorship?© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    25. 25. Our Agenda 25  Why it is important for students say ‟No‟  The important moment between Their Ask and Your Answer  The Stoplight: 3 steps 1. Why you say ‘Yes’ when you want to, or need to, say „No‟. 2. Assess if you WANT to say „No‟ & if you CAN say „No‟. 3. Language to say ‘No‟ when you can, language when you can‟t.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    26. 26. Her friend asks, and Shannon says „No‟ 26 Hey Shannon, can you help me organize a lunchtime …….! speaker series? Step 1 I’m desperate, and really need your help! Step 2 Step 3© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    27. 27. Step 3: The language of saying no 27 Acknowledge Lead With Move The The No. Forward. Importance. I know these I know these sessions are Please ask me Please ask me I‟m sorry, I can’t sessions are again in the future. important to you. important to you. again in the future. help you organize But I‟m limiting If I can help out next If I can help out next the lunch time But I‟m limiting time, I will. myself to 6 events myself to 6 events time, I will. speaker series this this quarter, and I‟ve time. this quarter, and I‟ve already committed already committed myself to 6. myself to 6.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    28. 28. Always lead with the „No‟ 28 Principles: Be clear, concise and collegial.  I‟m sorry, I can‟t.  I‟m sorry, I can‟t. I‟m already doing X.  No. I‟ve set aside that time for Y this week.  I am honored you would ask me, but I can‟t.  Unfortunately, I won‟t be able to participate this time.  I regret that I will have to decline…..  I‟d love to do that, but I can‟t right now.  It sounds interesting, and I‟m sorry I won‟t be able to join you.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    29. 29. Step 3: The language of saying „No‟ 29 Acknowledge Lead With Move The The No. Forward. Importance. I see why it‟s a I‟ve already problem, but I can‟t committed/scheduled I hope/know you will I hope you find switch my hours with myself during that be able to figure it out. someone. you on Friday. time.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    30. 30. Step 3:How to say „No‟ when you can, and negotiating when you can‟t. 30 Understand why Step 1 you want to say yes. Assess: Is this your priority? Step 2 Can you say no in this situation? Step 3 The Language of The Language of negotiating & saying no. limiting.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    31. 31. Her preceptor asks, and Shannon negotiates 31 These 9 Shannon, can you fill these …….! customers need Step 1 to be called. 18 prescriptions before lunch? Step 2 Step 3© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    32. 32. Step 3: The language of negotiating/limiting the „Yes‟ 32 Negotiate Summarize Confirm the the the request. agreement. parameters. Can I complete Can I complete this task for you by this task for you by noon tomorrow? noon tomorrow? Dr. X asked me to Dr. X asked me to You need me to Okay. I‟ll call the call back these 9 make 4 calls,first, make 4 calls and patientsby 9am patient by 9am and I‟m I‟m responsible for patients. responsible for tomorrow. Thanks. filling Y filling Y prescriptions prescriptions today. today.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    33. 33. Her faculty advisor asks, and Shannon negotiates 33 Hey Shannon – I think you …….! need to include another Step 1 chapter in your dissertation before you’re ready to defend. Step 2 Step 3© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    34. 34. Step 3: The language of negotiating/limiting the „Yes‟ 34 Negotiate Summarize Confirm the the the request. agreement. parameters. I see your concern Instead of a whole Okay, I‟ll attempt about clarifying the new chapter, what an outline to see if role of school if I addressed this thread can be interventions on different aspects of woven into both adolescent this point both chapter by our next smoking cessation. chapters 3 and 4? meeting,© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    35. 35. 4 strategies to negotiate or limit your „Yes‟. 35 1. Try to schedule:  I‟m happy to do that. I‟m currently working on X, can I get Y to you by the end of the tomorrow? If not, when you do need it by?  I would like to prepare that presentation. My shelf exam is scheduled for this Friday. Could I present to the team the week after that?© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    36. 36. 4 strategies to negotiate or limit your Yes‟. 36 2. Try to limit/get help/counter offer:  Limit: I can help you publicize the series, but I won‟t be able to help you find speakers.  Get Help: I can complete your request to fill this back log of prescriptions, but could I get some help with the follow up phone calls?  Counter Offer: I see your concern about clarifying the role of school interventions on adolescent smoking cessation. Instead of a whole newchapter, what if I addressed in it chapters 3 and 4?© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    37. 37. 4 strategies to negotiate or limit your „Yes‟. 37 3. Have an exit plan:  I can help out with registration until 3:30pm, if that would help.  I‟ve done X, Y, & Z. Is there anything else I can do to help, or would it be possible for me to go home and study now?  I‟ve got 10 minutes before I need to get back to X. What did you want to talk about?© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    38. 38. 4 strategies to negotiate or limit your „Yes‟ 38 4. Defer for space/time:  I understand the problem/situation. Can you give me 10 minutes to just check my schedule and see if I can make this work?  I‟d like some time to think about what you‟ve said. Can I email you later today?  This is an important project/initiative. Let me look at my calendar and contact you by tomorrow. Thank you for asking me though - it sounds interesting.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    39. 39. Final Points 39  In the end, the ability to say „No‟ when you can, and negotiate when possible, is about being present & mindful.  Being conscious of how you feel and what you need – along with an awareness of appropriate language – will make it easier for you to set boundaries when you can.  This is key competency to Prioritizing and Pacing yourself effectively.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    40. 40. Final Points: When you can say no: 40  "Although it may feel uncomfortable to think about saying no, its important to remember that each time you say yes to someone or something else, you say no to you and your priorities.” - Oprah Winfrey© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    41. 41. Final Points: When you cannot say no:  “In business, as in life, you don‟t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.” - Chester Karrass 41© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    42. 42. So, the next time you are asked for something, visualize your stoplight 42 Hey Shannon, can you help me organize a lunchtime I’m sorry Derek, speaker series? Step 1 I won’t be able to help you this I’m desperate, and really time…. need your help! Step 2 Step 3© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    43. 43. Want more help? 43  Come to the OCPD and check out our library books on negotiation and effective communication  Schedule a 1:1 appointment to practice the language to say „No‟ professionally, or discuss an issue around effective communication.  We‟re located at 513 Parnassus Ave. Med. Sci. Building. Room S140  Call us at 476.4986 for an appointment.© 2012 The Regents of the University of California. All rights reserved.
    44. 44. How To Say No, As a Student career.ucsf.eduNaledi SaulAssociate DirectorOffice of Career & Professional DevelopmentUniversity of California, San Francisco

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