Twankers Social Media Agency Sales Pitch

@TwankersUKhttp://twankers.com Social Media Yet Another Over Hyped Presentation We bet you’ve heard it all before @TwankersUK

Who Should Need This?Two groups:•The ﬁrst is Digital Agencies/Agencies/SocialMedia Gurus (You know who you are!)•The ones who want to make a fast buck•Those who’ve experience in other areas, but wish tojump on the social media bandwagon•Those who have no experience whatsoever, but fancya punt •Very difﬁcult to tell the difference between the above•Those who have a level of self awareness and are: •Fed up of presenting nonsense like this •Feel guilty for doing so •Can’t believe they can get away with this stuff @TwankersUK

Who Should Need This?•The second group is Brands & Businesseswho are being pitched to •To help spot the bullsh*t being presented to you •Or are considering doing it themselves having received a bit of “free” consultancy. Enjoy! @TwankersUK

Agenda•Introduction • The usual cheesy & awkward round the table intro’s • Make sure you big yourself up, appear important • Embellishment goes down a treat here. No one will realise • Followed by time wasting made up anecdotes and false laughter•Social Media Overview • Put on serious business faces, maybe even some mild frowning • Use many sound bytes and nonsense abbreviations • “Engagement” “Value Exchange” “Social Currency” are sure ﬁre winners • Expect an over complicated outline to help the presenter feel smart and to bump up the price @TwankersUK

Agenda•Speciﬁc Recommendations for YOU! • The same stuff that is presented to everyone else • Making it sound bespoke and very, very innovative and thought leading • There will be a word cloud about what people are saying about you....it’ll show absolutely nothing.•Proof of Capability • Name dropping of companies that we have never worked with. With case studies to back this up. • Expect “Dell” “Zappos” “Starbuck” “ASOS” • Total fabrication of the ROI these companies have achieved•Questions • Being answered by blatant lies. @TwankersUK

Title You Won’t Read The obligatory funny image to catch you off guard, make you smile and warm to us. This will allow us to get away with the ensuing bullsh*t @TwankersUK

Social Media TodayOMG OMFG WTF! @TwankersUK

At This Point....• We’ll move over to the ﬂip chart • (which we specially requested for the meeting) • Write some words and draw some pictures • They’ll mean nothing We’ll also take a picture of the page to embellish the importance we want you to think we have placed on it @TwankersUK

This is what people are saying about You!•Our in-depth social listening looks pretty • It means nothing! @TwankersUK

Bespoke Recommendations•This is what we tell everyone • But we won’t tell you that•Start a Blog, people love this stuff! • Talk corporate shite • Talk about yourself We’ll then show you the logos to let you know we’ve seen them • Get “key people” in your org to write nonsense before•Get Your Face on Facebook • Fans will flock to your fan page for no reason at all. • Everyone will want their wall filled up by your content, at least 10 times a day•Get on Twitter • Broadcast, broadcast, broadcast, me, me, me • Don’t listen to anyone...they’re full of sh*t • add “Tw” to everything you say, people will find this funny @TwankersUK

Bespoke Recommendations• Film your ofﬁces, get the vid’ on YouTube • Guaranteed to go viral • Especially if it’s 10 mins long• Take pictures and post them onto Flickr • The more drunk you are the better• Measure absolutely nothing • It’ far too complicated • That’s why Measurement Camp fell ﬂat on it’s arse• Community Management • Try and manage what everyone says • They will do exactly as you ask....not• Create a “Content Calendar” The logos are still here, but have moved. • Tell people what to talk about and when • They’ll “conform” @TwankersUK

Proof & Testimonials•Dell - Sold $81Bn through their Twitter outlet channel in 2 weeks • We’ve never worked with them•ASOS- They have 60Million Fans on their Facebook page and sold $56Trillion • We’ve never worked with them•Starbucks, Zappos, • All do really fantastic stuff • We’ve never worked with them•Can you see the formula? • We make stuff up to try and impress you • Is it working? • Or are we coming across as shallow as we feel? @TwankersUK

ROIInvestment• Fricking Loads. • Our fees A pointless £ Sign • Your time and resources • More of our fees • Contingency for all the cock ups and reputation management issues we’ll causeReturn• Huge! (when compared to a really tiny thing) • We’ll set your expectation sky high • With no idea how to measure it • But we’ll talk about how many likes, tweets, followers, reach, positivity etc. to bamboozle youThe Meaningless Ratio• No one understands it, but we know it won’t be questioned asno one likes to look stupid 1,000,000:1 @TwankersUK

Any Questions•The “know it all” in the corner will now ask questions to • Try and catch us out & make themselves look clever•We’ll answer by telling lies and emphasise • There is no right or wrong answer...this is social media after all•Should you want to take a punt and decide to work with us: • You won’t see any of us presenting again for dust • You’ll work with Interns and temporary freelance staff we know very little about @TwankersUK

Thank YouTwankers: Social Mediocrity @TwankersUK

In Summary•If you’re a Brand/Business • You’ll sit through four or ﬁve of these • Then decide to do it yourself•If you’re an agency/guru • You’ll pick up a client in a one in ﬁve ratio • You’ll earn an enormous “set-up” fee • After three months the client will ask • “What is all this achieving?” • You’ll come out with some meaningless stats • The client will eventually ditch you @TwankersUK

@TwankersUKhttp://twankers.com Social Media Yet Another Over Hyped Presentation We told you you’ve heard it all before @TwankersUK

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Twankers Social Media Agency Sales Pitch

by Tommy Twanker

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