The Gladrags Legacy Mirror mirror on the wall... Chapter 5- Time for plots! This is the college chapter, and contains the results of the heir poll! Unfortunately, it’s a hell of a long one, but please keep reading! Caractacus is lusting after his best friend Orlando, whilst dating his other best friend Esther. Coggins is also having relationship problems, having fallen in love with three different girls. Truly has turned to her fairy godmother Lilith to get a happy ending, but how trustworthy is she? And Jeremy... Bless him Jeremy doesn’t really have a plot.
Caractacus grew up into a huggable, loveable smustling machine! He’s studying drama, and is still trapped in a love triangle with his best friend Orlando and his girlfriend Esther. What shall he do?
Coggins is studying Economics, and as you can see he is attracting the lady-folk like nobody’s business. He’s still trying to decide whether Kenya, Katelyn or Adrianna is the one for him.
Truly’s studying political science, but she’s really fixated on her happy ending. Lilith promised to make her live happily ever after, but is that really what’s best for her?
And Jeremy, well, poor old Jeremy has no plot whatsoever. But he’s adorable and a hopeless romantic at that. He’s studying literature.
Truly was busy raving to L’s Theme, which the Voice had just bought off iTunes and was listening to whilst typing. If I keep this up, I’ll be as good as Caractacus! She thought. But you could be so much better than him, my dear. Lilith’s voice spoke to her out of the mirror she kept in her pocket. “What? Don’t be ridiculous, Lilith! Didn’t you hear on slide 2, he’s a huggable loveable smustling machine!” She continued to dance. Where’s your AMBITION? Where’s your SHOWMANSHIP? Maybe I got the wrong girl to give a happy ending... “NO! I-I’ll keep practising. I promise.” I do know what’s best, my dear. I really do. Never let anyone steal your limelight, NEVER! That’s what being a princess is all about! She laughed, and it sounded like music. Eerie like music.
“Hey sis, let’s jive!” Jeremy leapt in, and started to dance terribly. He’s so sweet, she thought. He’s stealing your moment! Kick him out! NOW! I don’t want to! We’re having a nice time! Do it now or I’ll do it for you! “What?!” “What’s up sis?”
“This is a solo act, Jeremy. Butt out if you can’t stand the heat.” “B-But I thought-” “I don’t wanna hear it! Go back to your story books!”
“I-I’m sorry Truly. I didn’t mean to-” “GO!” Jeremy shuffled off, looking forlorn. Why did I do that? I- I don’t remember... I should apologise. Never apologise. Saying sorry is for peasants, and you are a princess. Princesses never apologise. ... Ok?
Later, they all went to see Coggins’s band, The Band with Rocks In, play their first gig. Orlando filled in for lead guitar, as they hadn’t yet found someone suitable. All the applicants were either divas or obsessed with spatulas.
Stop staring at her, idiot, Jeremy thought. She’d never like you. She’s too cool for you. He sighed. I could marry someone like her...
“The show was incredible, Coggins! “Thanks! It’s nice to have fans, y’know.” “It’s good to see you’re doing so well.” “Yeah. I hope you follow in my footsteps big bro!” Me following in his footsteps? Caractacus thought. I’m older! I’ve been playing music since I was a kid! Why would I be following him?!
Adrianna tracked Coggins down, and after the initial shock, she and Coggins were, err, reacquainted with each other.
“Hey Jeremy!” “Hi Amaya! Um, err, how are you?” “Oh, I’m great! You?” “Y-Yeah I’m ... Perfection.” “Umm, OK.” Why did you say perfection?! IDIOT IDIOTIDIOT! “So, did you like the set?” Jeremy was brought sharply back to earth by Amaya’s words. “Yeah! It was-” “Perfection?” She laughed. “Well ,yeah.” He grinned sheepishly. “D’you want to maybe grab a coffee with me some time? Or maybe dinner?” Jeremy was stunned. “Definately!” “OK then! I’ll catch you later,” She walked off, leaving Jeremy in a daze. A date with Amaya! He punched the air, and skipped to his next class, despite the odd looks and whispering that surrounded him.
“Hey, you’re Coggins, right?” “Err, yeah. You are?” “Pierce Zhang. My friends call me Throat.” “Erm, nice to meet you Throat. Is there anything I can do for you?” “I’d like to be the manager of “The Band with Rocks In”. I assume you’re unsigned?” “Yeah. We’re trying to make it big.” “Well, I can help you there.” “By the way,” said Throat. “Why are you wearing clothes all of a sudden?” “Well ,this is a peculiar situation. Partly because I fancied wearing a suit for a change. Partly because this photo was taken before the voice realised that my other outfit was there. And partly because the lining is silky soft.” “Ah.”
“Lilith! You’re back! I love the wings!” “These? Oh they’re just something I threw on. When you are happy, I get stronger and more magical. Hence the wings!” “Well, they look great on you.” “Thanks! And good news! I’ve found you a prince!” “What, already?” “Oh yes! He’s perfect for you, my dear” “Well, shouldn’t I meet him?” “You will, in time. And once you have met, you will shall go to the ball and share true love’s kiss!” “Oh. Well, I think that’s for me to decide really.” “Are you questioning me, my dear?” Lilith laughed, but her icy blue eyes were like steel. “... No.” “That’s good. Because I know best!” “Yes. Yes you do.”
Caractacus yawned. “I think I’m gonna hit the hay. Night!” He kissed her, but it felt weird and wrong. “Are you sure you want to leave so soon?” Esther said. “Umm, yeah. I’m gonna try and work on a big assignment tomorrow.” “We could... Liven up your schedule a little?” She went to goose him, but Caractacus pulled her hand away. “Esther, I though we’d agreed that we weren’t going to go that far into a physical relationship yet” “Oh c’mon, just the once...” “Esther, NO!”
“I-I don’t want to screw this up, Esther!” “But, I thought you loved me. Surely that’s a big enough commitment for you!” “I-I just think we should wait, is all.”
“I’m only human, C!” Esther screamed at him. “I have needs!” “ Look, it’s just-” “Don’t make more excuses! You find me repulsive, don’t you?!” “NO! No, of course not-” “Then why wont you sleep with me?! It’s been years, YEARS since we first got together. I’ve been more than patient! I’ve waited for so long, I need more than this!” “Esther...” Caractacus went to put his hand on her shoulder, but she stopped him. “If you’re gonna be like this, I-I think we should go on a break.” “But, Esther, I love you!” “Then show it!” She left, and slammed the door behind her. What have I done?
“Esther, what’s up?” Orlando comforted her. “Have you fought with Caractacus?” “Yes. He-He still wont- He wont-” “Then he’s mad, Esther. Mad for not taking the opportunity.” “Oh Orlando...”
“Welreiutsdpfoipoip?!” Orlando was stunned. Esther was Caractacus’s girlfriend! But he’d wanted this for so long. Ever since he’d first laid eyes on her, surely it wouldn’t hurt his feelings for just, one kiss? Just one...
“All the ladies in the house, c’mon and let me hear you say CANVAS! All the fellas in the house, c’mon and let me hear you BAGS!*” *Taken from the glorious song, “Canvas Bags” by Tim Minchin. If you haven’t heard of him, Google him. If you have, buy the song! “Man, you stink! Nothing like your brother AT ALL.” Truly was crestfallen. I suppose it’s his opinion... Don’t listen to that fool. He’s ordinary, and you are extraordinary... Tell him where to shove it. No! That would be incredibly rude! NOW!
“Get the hell away from my patch.” “Or what?” She smiled. “Or,” she whispered into his ear, and the colour in his face drained. “OK! OK! I’ll go!” “GOOD! Truly shouted after him as he ran!” She gave a haughty laugh, and stood back in front of the door.
But... Why did I just... Did Lilith? Keep singing. We’ll get revenge later. ... Ok?
“I love this diner! It’s so quirky!” Jeremy beamed. Don’t be so forward, take it slow! He thought. He looked away from her eyes. “I know! I used to come here all the time, before I broke up with Dominic.” Oh Gods, am I a rebound date? Or worse, a pity date? Oh Gods, I am, aren’t I? “Something wrong, Jeremy?” She smiled at him again. He decided that even if he was a pity date, it would be worth it just to have a legitimate reason to look at her. “W-Who was Dominic?” Jeremy asked “Oh... He, He...” “Forget I asked. I’m sorry.” “No, it’s fine! He was just an ex boyfriend... He left me for my sister...” “Oh Gods, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring it up.” “Don’t worry about it. You fancy going to the park?” “Uh, yeah, sure!”
The park was deserted, and Jeremy and Amaya stood under the pagoda. “So... Do you like the fish?” She asked, tickling the trout. “No.” “Oh... Why?” “One stole my paper, and I never forgave him.” That joke was terrible! But to his delight, she burst out laughing. “You are so funny, Jeremy.” “Really?!” “Yes! You crack me up!” “That’s great. I thought that one was terrible, but I still love it. Old jokes are the best.” “Me too! So, what are you interested in?” Jeremy hesitated. “I-I like Dungeons and Dragons,” he admitted. “And fairytales. “No way! So do I! My favourite is Cinderella I think. Or the Princess and the Frog.” “I can’t believe we have so much in common!”
“I used to dream about being a princess. But I’m not the right type, really.” Amaya sighed. Jeremy stepped forward and bowed. He held out his hand. “Care to dance, Princess Amaya?” She giggled. “Of course, Prince Jeremy!” Note the vampire ruining the romance in the background, but she was doing that awesome walk so I forgave her. “Oh Jeremy, you’re so romantic.” He kissed her hand. “You deserve to be treated like a princess. And I just realised how cheesy that was.” “Cheesy is good, I like cheesy. I like you, Jeremy, I like you a lot.” Jeremy blushed scarlet. “Really?” “Really.”
YAY! This is particularly appropriate, as this slide is being written on Valentines Day.
After one of their many fights. Truly ended up getting her ass whooped by Pierce Zhang. An elderly woman wandered up to Truly. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”Truly was shocked. “What’s it to you?”
The old woman dragged her to a table. “He’s like, twice your size!” “Yeah, but I can take him.” “That’s not what it looked like Truly.” “How do you know my name?” “My name is Mrs Gogol. I’m a witch. Truly paused. “I knew another witch once. She wasn’t a proper witch though, she didn’t do magic.” “Neither do I. Well, I practise Voodoo, that’s about it.” “What, with like zombies and pins and stuff?” Mrs Gogol sighed “Maybe just the one zombie... But, please stop taking down fully grown men.” “Ok then. For you.” “You should join the Watch, you know. They’d be glad to have someone who could put criminals in their place.” “Yeah... Maybe... You see, I have a godmother and she wants me to be a princess, so I don’t think I’ll be able to.” “Why can’t you do what you want to do?”
Truly thought about it for a moment. “I-I-I think she would be mad.” “Has that ever bothered you before?” “... No, but, she’s too strong for me. Besides, it can’t be that bad, surely. Marrying a prince, living in luxury. Yeah, I think I’m gonna like it!” “Oh... Ok. “Excuse me, I have to go now. My godmother wants to show me something important.” She left with a skip in her step. Ezrulie Gogol was worried. This girl was feisty, but she had no common sense. Plus, she seemed scared at the thought of disobeying this godmother. Something was going wrong, and someone was forcing a story to happen where it didn’t belong.
Someone leapt up behind Coggins and covered his eyes. “Guess who?” “Errrm, a crazed fan girl?” “No silly, it’s me! Katelyn!” “Katelyn! How did you find out where – I mean, I’ve missed you!” “Me too! But I’ve enrolled now, so I can see you all the time!” “Good... Wanna grab something to eat?” “Sure!” “So, your band has really took off then.” Katelyn sipped her soup. “Yeah... One success after another, eh!” Oh Gods... Coggins thought. Now Katelyn’s back, I’m going to have to juggle between them again! I can’t keep on doing this! Not only is it taking up WAY too much of my time, it’s going to crush them if they find out! But which one do I chose...
“Lilith? Where are we?” “We’re in an enchanted grotto, my dear. Your prince is waiting at the other end, and he’s PERFECT for you. Rich, handsome, heir to the throne of Genua, he’s got it all darling.” “What about his personality? Is he nice?” “What does it matter my dear, he’s a prince!” “I just thought-” Truly began, but Lilith cut across her. “Look, do you want a happy ending or not?” “’s” “Then grow up, and start looking for your prince!” “But how?”
“All you have to do is find your way through the maze. The Duc of Genua is waiting at the other end for you.” “Duc? Don’t you mean Duke?” “NO, I mean Duc. Now run along” “Between you and me” Lilith whispered. “He’s a cutie. I’d hold on to him if I were you.” Truly looked into Lilith’s eyes. She had a penetrating stare, and her eyes were a pale blue colour. They were almost like mirrors.
Truly ran through the maze. My prince is waiting for me. My happily ever after...
The Duc of Genua was certainly handsome. He had glossy black hair, high cheekbones and stood straight upright when he saw Truly approach. “My lady,” He bowed to her. “I thank you for agreeing to meet with me.” There was something wrong with him. He was too kingly to be real. And his eyes... They were completely white. He kissed her hand. “Oh!” Truly exclaimed. “Um, thank you!” “Nothing is too good for you. What is your name?” “Truly. Truly Scrumptious.” “How interesting. You will make a fine wife, and have many beautiful children with me.” Truly’s hand shot back. “WOAH! Planning ahead aren’t you?!” “You wanted to marry you prince. That is what princesses do.”
“I suppose...” Truly sighed. “So, what are you interested in?” “Oh, the usual. Woodland creatures, horse riding, singing, whistling whilst I work- not that I work of course. We have servants to do that for us. What about you... What are you interested in?” Note Lilith ruining the shot. Grrrrrr. God damn it, that lake is for DISPLAY, not fishing! “I LOVE to listen to music. My brothers are great musicians. Caractacus is classical, you know, all piano and violins and stuff. He’s so good at it as well, I’d give a lot to be as musical as him. And Coggins is great too. He’s more of a rock star. He’s done a bit of rapping, but he’s not that good at it. But he’s GREAT at the drums!” *yawn* “Excuse me, what were you saying?”
“Weren’t you paying attention to anything I just said?” Truly sounded exasperated. “Well, when you’re a queen, you will have to learn how to be a good wife and be silent.” “Excuse me?!” “A woman’s job is to be dutiful to her husband.” “That is an extremely sexist attitude.” “And? I’m a Duc, no-one can tell me what to think.” “Well, if you want a wife, I’d start having a more modern attitude towards women.” “Everyone wants to marry me. I’m the Duc.” “Well I’m not sure I want to anymore.” “You want a happy ending don’t you?”
“Well... Yeah...” “Then behave yourself!” Truly wasn’t sure what to do. Marry this chauvinistic prince? Or fade into insignificance...
“Kenya! What are you doing here?” “I came up to surprise you! You are surprised, aren’t you?” “Yeah! Definitely!” Great, now I have to pick between three people! Oh Gods, what am I gonna do? “I went to visit Lancre in the summer.” “Oh! How was it?” “Good thanks. Apart from there was this one old witch who kept asking me for a banana daiquiri. Can’t imagine why.”
Jeremy received some good news. “I’m in! I’m in!” He had been accepted into the Musicians Guild of Ankh Morpork. “Now I can play my music professionally! Wait till I tell Esther!” “Hey guys! I’ve got news!” Caractacus felt like singing, but Esther was deep in conversation with Coggins. “I can’t believe that! That’s amazing Coggins!” “What’s happened?” Caractacus asked.
She gave him a disapproving look. They were back together, but there was still a lot of tension. “Coggins’s band just got a record deal!” “... Oh my gods!” “I know!” “That’s... That’s incredible Coggins!” “wasdfllkamcapwlklk” Coggins spluttered through a mouth full of punch. “I think he meant thank you. Did you say you had some news?” “I- I got accepted into-” But Esther had already gone, congratulating Coggins again.
Truly was very behind on her studies, and needed logic points, and fast. Mrs Gogol agreed to help her. “I warn you girl, a witch hates to lose. So I’m playing you at my best.” “Hehe, ok then. So, are you from Ankh Morpork?” “No. But I moved here to get away from my home. It’s far away from here, you probably haven’t heard of it.” “What happened in your home?” “It used to be a great old city. Before the baron was murdered.” She looked down at the mention of the baron, so Truly changed the subject. “You know I’ll beat you at chess.” Mrs Gogol laughed “I’d like to see you try.” “Who’s that stealing your pot of gumbo?”
“Where?!” Truly replaced the pieces. “That’s cheating Truly.” “Nope. It’s headology.” She chuckled to herself, but then remembered Granny Weatherwax. She was the wicked witch, and the wicked witch would never win.
“This prince of yours, he’ll give you true love’s kiss will he?” “Erm, yeah, I suppose so.” “Ah.” “That’s what they say in the books at least.” Truly took another of Mrs Gogol’s pieces. “Your basing this relationship on books?” “Well, stories don’t lie.” “Do you really think that, or is that just what you’ve been told?” Truly shuffled in her seat. She felt the mirror in her pocket dig into her leg slightly.
“All I’m saying is,” Mrs Gogol took one of Truly’s knights. “You oughta get to know him better, before you go marrying him.” “He’ll be my best friend. I don’t have to know what he’s like, true love is destined.” “Maybe, but what if he’s not your true love? What if he’s not your best friend?” “... I just know, OK?” “Whatever you say, dear.” She took Truly’s other knight. “I know he likes me. He said so.” “But he didn’t listen to you when you talked about your brothers’ music?” “...No.” “Then is he really someone you want to be with?” There was an awkward silence. “Is that your cat?” Truly asked, swiftly changing the subject.
“That’s Legba, a dark and dangerous spirit. Between you and me, he just a big black cat. But you know how it is.” Mr Gogol explained. “It pays to advertise.” “Yes.”
Mrs Gogol sighed. “What’s wrong?” Truly asked. “I’m just remembering my old home in the swamp. The baron was killed, and this new ruler took over. He made people happy, whether they wanted it or not.” “That’s terrible.” “Yes. He wasn’t the real power behind the throne, though, There was this other witch, by the name of Weatherwax.” Truly gasped. “Something wrong dear?” Mrs Gogol asked. “... No. Go on.” “Well, she gave people what they wanted, not what they needed.” “But, she can’t have been that bad then?” “She was terrible. Never trust a Weatherwax, Truly.” She got up. “Checkmate.” Mrs Gogol walked away.
Jason had gotten a little high on bubbles, and had brought out his Santa Sack of Evil. “I shall rule the world!” He cried. “Mwahahahaha!!!” There was a flash of light. “*cough coughcough* Oh Gods... I’ve created a monster!” He backed away cowering in fear from...
The Lamp! “Hello there” he said. “Y-You can talk?!” Jason whispered. “Do not fret, little one. Bask in my warm red glow and become calm” “But- Who are you?” “I am the little lamp of calm.” “Like the little book of calm?” “Yes, but in a newer, sexier package.” “OOO! Got any advice?” “Never wear green in your dressing room.” “Wha???” “When you’re feeling under pressure, try something new! Roll up your sleeves, or eat an orange” “... Okayyyy.”
“I said, BACK OFF!” “B-But I was just walking down the corridor!” “Then RUN past me next time! Now GO!” He ran, crashing into Esther as he went. Truly held her head. Why do I have to be so mean to him Lilith? He is scum, my dear. Not fit to be in your presence. Now, go upstairs. You must get ready. Yes Lilith.
“Stupid Coggins... Trust him to steal my moment.” But it’s not really his fault that he got a record deal on the same day as you got accepted by the guild. “I suppose...” Why aren’t you happy for him? “I am! I am!” Sure. “Shut up! I hate having a stupid conscience! I’m only saying- “Well don’t.” I see kitty has claws. “You could be a bit nicer, y’know.” I’ll be a bit nicer when you get a bit smarter. OOO! Oh no he didn’t! “Stop being so mean!” I should really, shouldn’t I. It’s “Be kind to Animals week” OOOOOOOOO!
In order to drown out his conscience’s “Yo’ Momma” Insults and to make him feel better, Caractacus drank a hell of a lot of alcohol. In fact, he was so drunk, he started angrily heart farting over a random student that walked passed him. Or it might have been that Esther wanted to be on a break. Whichever.
“Hey C, enjoying the- OW!” “DEAL WITH IT!” “What did you do that for?” “For yo’ momma!” “C, that made no sense.” “YOU MAKE NO SENSSSSE!” “I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink.” “Why did you have to go and steeeal my dream.” He hiccupped. “I wanted to be a mususiciiian. ME! Then you shtole it fwom me!” “I didn’t steal anything! I’m naturally gifted!”
“Naturally gifted my ass! You’re still not as good as me, yet people fawn over you like you special. And you’re NOT, Coggins, you’re ordinary, just like me.” “I’m a good lyricist and you know it!” “Of course you’re not! You’re lyrics lack and subtlety!” “No they don’t!” “Oh, I forgot how “I mean and I’m turf and I’m mean and I’m turf and I’m mean and I’m turf and I’m mean and I’m turf. And me an’ my friends can walk towards you with out hats on backward in a menacing way, YO!” has such depth.” “You’re just jealous, Caractacus. Always have been, always will be.” “Jealous? Of you? Of some half naked, hat wearing, three timer? When are you going to tell Kenya and Katelyn and Adriana about how you’ve been cheating on them? They’ll find out!” “They won’t find out C.”
“What was that about Coggins.” “Ummmm-” *SLAP* “Owwwwww” “Who was she?”
“Who was SHE?” Coggins stood there for a while, unable to comprehend what had happened.
Caractacus was so drunk by this point, he thought he’d try and seduce Orlando. “Yeahhhhh, see how he likes that!” He strutted up stairs to his dorm room. “... Orlando?”
Oh Gods... OhGodsOhGodsOhGods... Orlando, how could you do this to me? Esther looked up, and saw Caractacus staring. “Caractacus! This isn’t what it-” “... Why?” Caractacus whispered. I need to get out of here... “Caractacus, come back!” Orlando yelled. “I’m so sorry! Please!” Just keep running. Keep running till the pain goes away...
Jeremy was in a daze. He had a girlfriend, and he had just said I love you for the first time! What’s more, she had said it back! He skipped to find Truly, he shared everything with her and he wanted her to be the first to know. “Truly? You there? Truly was looking at a long blue dress. She was crying. “Truly? What’s wrong?” Truly wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “I’m fine Jeremy, don’t worry about it.” “Look, where are you going? It’s Coggins party, you don’t want to leave now.” “I have to Jeremy. Lilith-” “Your fairy godmother? I knew there was something not quite right about her.” Someone coughed behind them.
“Truly,” Lilith’s voice was calm, but her eyes flashed. “You have to get ready. In fact, get to the carriage, you can change there.” “But Lilith-” “Now.” Truly sighed. “Okay.” She left. Lilith turned to Jeremy. “Now. You.”
“How DARE you interfere with my plans!” Lilith’s eyes flashed. “Look, she obviously doesn’t want this! For God’s sake, let her go!” “You can’t stop a story, boy. You should know. I’ve seen you, with your head in books, you of all people know that if fate intervenes, there’s no way to stop a happy ending.” “A happy ending for you, or for Truly?” “I’ll teach you to meddle where you aren’t wanted.” About an hour later, Jeremy woke up. “Ugh... What happened?” His head was throbbing. He suddenly remembered Truly.
“Oh Gods, I have to stop this ball!” You can’t stop anything he thought. You haven’t got the courage. “I may not.” He stood up. “But I know someone who does.” “It’s a shame she’s so damn HOT!” JEREMY! You’re spoken for! And she’s evil! “Yeahhhhh...”
“You’re the only one I know who can help with this. Please, Truly’s in huge trouble.”
Caractacus has run till he couldn’t go on any further. He ended up at a skating rink. He sat, trying to take in what had just happened. Orlando and Esther...
I knew he was straight... I just never thought I’d walk in on him like that... “Mind if I sit there?” It was Esther. “... Sure...” “C,” said Esther. “I’m so sosorry. I never meant for you to find out like that. It just happened, and I was going to tell you but... C, I think I love Orlando.” “And...” Caractacus voice cracked. “He loves you too?” “... Yes.”
Caractacus broke down. He told Esther everything, how he’d loved Orlando ever since he was a teen, and to feel normal he’d agreed to go out with her, to feel accepted. She cradled him whilst he sobbed, and apologised to her over and over again. “I’m so sorry Esther. I’ve just used you...” Esther thought about it for a moment. Then she smiled. “Caractacus, it’s fine. It’s ok to be gay, y’know.” “But... But I used you, I made you think there was a chance in this relationship working out...” “You were just going through some issues. It’s fine.”
Everything was starting to make sense... He was normal... It was fine... “Thank you so much.” he said. “Don’t mention it.”
Orlando came up to them. “C,” he said. “I never meant to... Are you... I’m so-” “Look.” Caractacus interrupted. “It’s fine. I have something to tell you, actually.” And they talked for a while. And then they laughed about how stupid they had all been. They skated, finally realising how they all felt about each other... And they knew that their friendship had been strengthened by this.
“... And that’s why I went so crazy at you. It’s just, I’ve been musical for ages, and you never even had to try to get famous. Plus there was the whole thing with Esther and Orlando going on at the same time. I’m really sorry. Did you convince any of them to get back with you? I didn’t mean for that to happen.” “Nope. But, it’s ok, don’t worry. I kinda deserved it- I mean, dating three girls? What was I thinking?” “Can we be friends again?” “Yeah, don’t worry. Plus that girl over there is heart farting over me, so I’m okay romance-wise.” “Coggins!” He laughed. “Only joking.”
Awww, brotherly love. They were completely unaware that their sister was being forced into a story where she didn’t belong.
The scene is set. The ballroom is ready. Soon the guests will arrive, and then The Duc and Truly will share true love’s kiss Lilith thought. This will be perfect, and no-one will stand in my way. The ball room was grand, and the music seemed to come from the walls. There was no band, but they weren’t part of the story. Only the music was. All Truly needed was the right music, and for the Duc to sweet talk her into a kiss. Lilith has made destiny an offer too good to refuse.
Lilith surveyed the room. Everything must go according to plan she thought. The Duc wasn’t as sure. “I don’t know Lilith, she seemed to hate me at the grotto. I think I might back out.” “You will not leave me now. It’s too late for that.” “But-”
“I turned you from a frog into a prince. You were nothing until you met me. And, if I can make something happen, I can just as easily take it away.” The Duc cowered in fear. “OK! Okay I’ll do it!” Truly pushed open the large front doors. She gasped at the sight of the room.
“Introducing, Miss Truly Scrumptious Gladrags.” said the butler beside her. Everyone was dancing, to music that seemed to be coming from nowhere. And the entire place was covered in mirrors, so Lilith could see her wherever she went. Truly was so under Lilith’s spell by now, that she couldn’t escape, even if she had wanted to. “My dear, you look beautiful.” Lilith glided towards her. “Lilith... I don’t...” “Hush now.” Her voice was kind but her eyes flashed. “Come talk to the Duc.”
The Duc was delighted to see her. “Truly!” He cried out. “You look ravishing my darling.” “I-I-” Truly began but the Duc stopped her. “Remember? You don’t speak unless spoken to.” He laughed playfully after he said it. “Why don’t you and Truly dance?” Lilith suggested. “That-” Truly stuttered. “-sounds like a marvellous idea.” The Duc finished for her.
“I have so much to talk to you about, Truly. I’ve missed you so.” “Really? I thought you didn’t like me.” “How could I not like you. You are, so very beautiful, Truly.” “... Is that all?” “Of course that’s all!” He laughed again. “Now, come along and dance with me.” Truly looked confused. “...Okay?”
The Duc was worried. She’s far stronger than Lilith said she would be. Better romance her quick. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Truly.” “Really? You barely know me.” “I know you enough, my darling.” Truly knew it was wrong, but she felt like a princess then. Like all the years of being laughed at for being green, all the wishful thinking about knights on white horses; like they’d finally paid off.
She was lost in the moment. Lost in the stories. “Oh my darling.” Truly sighed. “Never let me go.”
This is it. Thisisitthisisitthisisit. Their lips were about to touch, when- CLANG It was a good clang, the clang of a job well done.
It was Granny Weatherwax. Truly gasped. “Granny, what are you doing here?” “I’m here to stop this ball. Truly, you don’t love this man, it’s all Lily’s magic.” “The name” Lilith growled “Is Lilith.” Granny ignored her. “She’s tricking you. Thank God this young man alerted me before someone got hurt.” “The games up, Lily.” Jeremy spat. “Little sister.” Lily growled. “You have no idea what you’re dealing with.”
“Little sister?” Truly gaped. “But you’re-” “She makes herself look like that. She uses mirrors to get what she wants.” Granny explained. “Don’t listen to her, Truly. She’s the wicked witch, she lies and cheats to try and trick you. I’m the fairy godmother. Godmother’s don’t hurt you. They give you what you want!”
“But not what you need. Truly,” Jeremy held out his hand “You know I would never hurt you. Please come with me.” Truly hesitated for the smallest of moments, but then walked over to Lily. “You- You- You MONSTER.” She ran to Jeremy, who hugged her.
Lily’s was left reeling. “Fine.” Her voice cracked but her eyes were steady. “You don’t know what you’re dealing with. You forget that I have your swamp woman friend with me as a hostage, Truly.” Truly gasped. “Let Mrs Gogol go!” Lily laughed. “She was always meddling where she didn’t belong. You see, I was the Weatherwax that killed her beloved Baron, and I put the Duc on the throne instead. They were infatuated. I ran her out into the swamp, and she’s been trying to stop me ever since. But she’s just not strong enough.” “Lily,” Granny growled. “Leave her be, this isn’t about her.” Lily laughed. “And what are you going to do about it, sister?” The Duc laughed as well. “Good one, Lilith.”She scowled at him. “I have no further use of you.” He backed away from her. “Please, don’t send me back. Please, Ple-” But she sent a spell flying over towards him.
“Croak.” said the Prince. He has reverted back to his original form. “And I’ll do it to anyone who gets in my way. Now get out of my way.”
Lilith ran to the stairs. The only sound was the swish of Lily’s dress as she fled. “I’ll go after her! Jeremy, look after Truly.” “But Granny-” “No buts child.” She too ran surprisingly fast up the stairs after Lily. She climbed the stairs of the tallest tower, and found Lily staring aimlessly into her mirror.
“So.” Granny said. “This is your mirror. They come in pairs. Where’s the other one?” “Far away from you.” Lily laughed haughtily. “You should have tried mirrors for yourself, Esme. It does wonders for the soul. I only let the swamp woman survive because her hate was invigorating. I do like being hated you know. And you do know. It’s a kind of respect. It shows your having an effect. And the stories... To ride on stories... To borrow the strength of them... Can you understand that? The sheer pleasure of seeing the patterns repeat themselves? I’ve always loved a good pattern.” Granny shut her eyes.“Let Mrs Gogol go,” she sighed. “And I’ll say you’ve won.” “I wish I could believe that.” said Lily. “Oh... But you’re the nice one, aren’t you? You have to keep your word.”
“I have achieved things you would never dare to do, sister. I am good, and you’re the wicked witch.” “And what will you do about the swamp woman.” Lily laughed. “I’ve trapped her in the mirror. You can get her out, or you can take me down. One of the other. But you already know what you’ll do.” She moved towards Esme. “You haven’t got the nerve to leave her and defeat me. You’re a coward.” Lilith ran up a flight of stairs, and out of sight.
Granny once again closed her eyes. She focused all her energy into the spell. “Now.” Mrs Gogol walked through the mirror. She gasped. “Thank you, Mistress Weatherwax.” “Don’t mention it.” “Now, I must catch Lilith. Please excuse me.” Mrs Gogol made for the stairs, but Granny blocked her path.
“Ezrulie, she’s my sister. I will take care of her.” “Do you know how long I worked to win?” Mrs Gogol said haughtily. “Do you know what I lost?” “And now you’ve won, and there’s the end of it.” “Are you looking to challenge me?” Granny hesitated. “If that’s what you want.” “My voodoo, against your... headology?” “If you like.” “I don’t want to hurt you.” said Mrs Gogol. “You don’t think you’re going to lose, do you?”
She took out a raggedy old doll. “See this?” “Yes.” “It was going to be her. Don’t let it be you.” “Sorry Mrs Gogol,” said Granny firmly, “but I see my duty plain.” “You’re a clever woman, but you’re a long way from home.” Granny shrugged. Mrs Gogol held up the doll by its waist. It had sapphire blue eyes. “You know about magic with mirrors? This is my kind of mirror, Mistress Weatherwax. I can make it be you. And then I can make it suffer. Don’t make me do that. Please.” “I’m going to find my sister, Mrs Gogol. This is my family.”
Mrs Gogol sighed. She had a long sliver of wood in her hand. Shaking her head desperately, she jabbed it into the doll’s arm. Esme Weatherwax winced.
Another sliver of wood was jabbed into a raggedy leg. Limping slightly, Granny Weatherwax climbed the first few stairs. “I can do the heart next Esme!” Mrs Gogol cried. “I’m sure you can. You’re good at it. You know you’re good at it.” said Granny, without turning around. At the bottom of the stairs, there was a burning torch. She descended the stairs. “Had enough?” “Just remind me again, we’re playing for Lily, yes?” “Ain’t you going to give in?” “No.” Granny said. “No, I don’t reckon that’s what I do now. Are you watchin’ real close?”
Granny closed her eyes once more. She thrust her arm elbow deep into the torch. And the doll in Mrs Gogol’s hand burst into flames. It went on blazing even after the witch had screamed and dropped it onto the floor. Granny withdrew her hand. It was completely unscathed. “That’s headology,” she said. “It’s the only thing that matters. Everything else is just messing about. Hope I didn’t hurt you Mrs Gogol.”
Granny started to ascend the stairs. “How did you do that?”
“I didn’t do nothin’. I let you do it. That’s what headology is all about.” She clambered onto the roof.
“Lily?” Granny said softly. “Lily turned around. “So,” she said. “You beat the swamp woman.” “No.” “But you’re here instead of her.” “Yes.” “Don’t try and persuade me to come with you, Esme. I’m staying here. Just cause you and Mrs Gogol have come up with a new trick doesn’t mean that you’ve won.” “No. Things have to come to an end, see. That’s what happens when you turn the world into stories. You should never have done that.”
“It can all stop now.” She continued. “You could take my spare broomstick. Mrs Gogol wont come after you, I’ve fixed that. And we could do with more witches back home. And no more godmothering. No more people getting killed so their daughters are ready to be in a story. I know why you did it. Come on home. It’s an offer you can’t refuse. “You’re trying to be nice to me?” said Lily. “Don’t think it don’t take a lot of effort.” Granny’s voice returned to a normal state. Lily took the broom. “Never used one of these things. You just sit on it, and away you go?” “With this one you have to be running quite fast before it takes off,” said Granny. “But that’s the general idea, yes.”
Lily handed the stick back. “Forget it.” She strode over to the edge. “You know a Weatherwax never loses.” “One of ‘em learns tonight.”
“You know.” Lily sneered. “You’re just like me. Don’t you know that? There isn’t a thought that’s gone through my head that you haven’t thought. There isn’t a deed I’ve done that you haven’t contemplated. But you never found the courage. That’s the difference between people like you and people like me. We have the courage to do what you only dream of.” “Yes?” said Granny. “Is that what you think? You think I dream?” Lilith threw back her head and laughed. “That’s what I like to see. People wishing. I never wished for anything in my life. I always made things happen. So much more rewarding.”
Granny stepped forward, her eyes two sapphires of bitterness. “Hah! I’m going to give you the hidin’ our Mam never gave you, Lily Weatherwax. Not with magic, not with headology, not with a stick like our dad had, aye, and used a fair bit as I recall- but with skin. And not because you was the bad one. Not because you meddled with stories. Everyone has a path to tread. But because, and I wants you to understand this prop’ly, after you went, I had to be the good one. You had all the fun. An’ there’s no way I can make you pay for that, Lily, but I’m surely goin’ to give it a good try...” “But...I...I...I’m the good one,” Lily murmured, her face pale with shock. “I’m the good one. I’m the godmother, and you’re the wicked witch...”
“Good? Good? Feeding people to stories? Twisting people’s lives? That’s good, is it?” said Granny. “You mean you didn’t even have fun? If I’d have been as bad as you, I would have been a whole lot worse. Better at it than you’ve even dreamed of.” She rose into the air and held out her hand. Her eyes widened. And the magic mirror smashed. Lilith gasped. “You broke my mirror!” “Was this what it was all for?” said Granny. “Playin’ little queens in some damp city? Serving stories? What sort of power is that?” “You don’t understand. You broke the mirror. You have to break the other one to be safe... You’ve upset the balance. You’ve got to help me put... The images be balanced...” But the shards up from the mirror rose up to the roof of the tower, and became one again. Granny stared at the mirror. It began to crack. The crack returned towards its point of origin, carrying with it the fleeing reflections of all the mirrors...The image of Lily Weatherwax turned around, smile beatifically, and reached out of the frame to take Lily Weatherwax into its arms. Granny ran towards the mirror.“Lily!”
All the mirrors shattered, exploding outwards in a thousand pieces from the top of the tower so that, just for a moment, it was wreathed in twinkling fairy light. It settled, and Lily and Granny were nowhere to be seen.
Back at home, Truly was worrying. “It’s been three days. Granny’s still not back from sorting out Lilith. Oh Gods, what has Lilith done to her? I’m so stupid...” “If I’d not gone and wished for a happy ending, then Granny would still be here. I don’t deserve someone like her fighting for me.”
She went upstairs, and sat in an arm chair. But she spotted the pocket mirror she had been carrying around with her ever since she and Lilith had met. She picked it up. “This is what started it all.” Truly threw it across the room. The second mirror of the pair, the mirror that had to be broken, shattered. The images were balanced.
Lily Weatherwax looked out onto the multi layered, silvery world. “Where am I?” INSIDE THE MIRROR. “Am I dead?” THE ANSWER TO THAT, said Death, IS SOMEWHERE BETWEEN NO AND YES. Lily turned, and a billion figures turned with her. “When can I get out?” WHEN YOU FIND THE ONE THAT’S REAL.
Lily Weatherwax ran on through the endless reflections.
Granny Weatherwax looked out at the multi layered, silvery world. “Where am I?” INSIDE THE MIRROR. “Am I dead?” THE ANSWER TO THAT, said Death, IS SOMEWHERE BETWEEN NO AND YES. Esme turned, and a billion figures turned with her. “When can I get out?” WHEN YOU FIND THE ONE THAT’S REAL.
Granny looked at herself. “This one.” And stories want happy endings. They don’t give a damn who for.
It’s the day where we announce the results of the heir poll. But Truly’s still down. “Oh Jeremy,” whispered Truly between sobs, “What am I going to do with out Granny?” Jeremy stroked her hair. “You wont have to, Truly.” “Wha?” Granny was standing behind them. Her hands were cut, as if she’d been trying to reach through glass. “GRANNY!” Truly cried.
Truly practically tackled Granny. She scowled, but hugged her back. “It’s nice to be back, Truly. “C’mon you guys, they’re announcing the heir!” Caractacus shouted.
So, L’s reading the heir results*. Am I obsessed? Perhaps, but who wouldn’t adorea sweet loving detective trying to catch a mass murdering maniac?! And look at him, he’s gorgeous! *L is one of the main characters from a manga series called Death Note which I LOVE. Read it, watch the anime, watch the live action films, and love him as much as I do. xxx
Caractacus! “YAY!” Now all we have to do is find him a beautiful husband!
The smiley balloons can only mean one thing- Graduation time!
“Hey, do I know you from somewhere?” Caractacus turned around. An unbelievably hot guy was talking to him! HIM! “Errm, I, um..” he stammered. “My name’s Dunstan. What’s yours?” “Caractacus...” “Wow! Funky! Wanna dance?” Caractacus mad dancing skills came in useful, and they were soon very close... How... convenient *shifty eyes*
Awwww... Simply adorable! Lets hope the relationship works out!
Coggins graduated, and is now living a rock and roll lifestyle. He’s yet to find a woman to satisfy him, but I dare say one will come along. He was 2nd in the heir poll.
Truly graduated as well, and is considering a career in the Watch. She was third in the heir poll.
Jeremy is now engaged to Amaya, and they are planning to start a family. They are also writing a series of children’s books. He was last in the heir poll (Awww!)
And Caractacus shall be our new heir. With his friends, family and Dustan who conveniently appeared at his graduation *cough cough* beside him, I’m sure he the best heir yet!
This story was loosely based on Witches Abroad, a novel by Terry Pratchett. However, he does it much better than I have, so please read it! Thanks to Iris for helping me with Mrs Gogol, please read her Terry Pratchett based legacy, ‘cause it’s amazing! Thanks for reading! Bethan Love