The History Of Dodgeball<br />Timothy Reimers<br />Skinny<br />March 4th, 2011<br />
How Dodge Ball Was Started<br />Dodge ball dates all the way back to 4000 B.C. An unusually strange caveman was playing very violently with his brother's rocks when one suddenly became a flying projectile. Killing the caveman, the single brother found extreme amusement.<br />
History<br />The most famous of these Romans was Brutus, who invented the technique, still used today, of deflecting a projectile with the ball in your hands. Brutus was eventually eaten by a lion, making him a martyr and the patron saint of dodge ball.<br />But while St. Brutus and his fellow gladiators had perfected the form of throwing the object, China was developing the art of dodging the object.<br />
History II<br />A ninja had noticed that you were less likely to be killed by an incoming ball, now a severed head, if you are able to evade it. trained day and night to gain mastery of this skill, and finally achieved a dodge ball nirvana, wherein the player can never be hit by any object. In his honor, China adopted a new rule: If a player was nimble enough to snatch the head from midair, that person would not only still be in, but the thrower would be beheaded and used for the next game.<br />
History Modern Era<br />Finally, the modern era. All of the principles and details added throughout the ages were unified for the first time by an organization called the American Dodge ball Association of America. With the ADAA’s help, playing fields were standardized, the maximum team size was lowered to six, and the rubber balls we all know today were implemented. Yes, Dodge ball had come a great distance from its primitive prehistoric roots, but it was still very similar. Though the fatality rates are not as impressive, the basic tenets of the sport are basically the same. Violence, degradation, and segregation are ingrained into the game, no matter what the pansies say.<br />
How To Play<br />The game can be played anywhere with a few balls. The first team to lose all of their players lose.<br />
The Five D’s<br />Dodge the ball so you don't get hit by it.<br />Duck so that the ball misses you and you get that great painful feeling when you fall on the floor. Don't whine about it, it builds character. Or use a duck for cover. Quack!<br />Dip... Go under the ball<br />Dive as in skydiving. Only applies when playing the extreme "get thrown out of a plane" version of dodge ball.<br />Dodge the ball so... you know this already.<br />
Three Other Rules<br />There are also three other rules that will be invaluable through training:<br />If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball: Dodge ball teachers, please throw wrenches at your team if they don't pay attention. It's fun for you and it builds character for them.<br />If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball: The element of danger will make sure you suddenly become good at dodging. Unless you really aren't that good so... moving on. It builds character.<br />If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a firearm: just look for the target.<br />
Player Stereotypes<br />The Jock: The person that can throw the ball at over nine thousand feet per second, thus making him wins every single game. If you are a nerd, run; they feed on your pain.<br />The Prep: The one who throws the ball just because she wants to hold something shiny or pink. There is more a threat from Magikarps than the Prep.<br />The Nerd: He will use his superior knowledge of physics and math to calculate your doom; unfortunately, they all lack any physical skill.<br />The Emo: He is the one you want to aim for to crush his life. He is usually the one walking in the back of the crowd with no ball because he shows no sign of effort.<br />The Queer: The kid who sits out on the bleachers and does nothing, just drools and looks at the pretty red balls.<br />The Russian: The kid who just got transferred, and holds a knife in his shoe, and a pistol in his pants.<br />
The Referee<br />The Official: This is the guy who when he was a kid loved dodge ball, but was never any good at it. Now as an adult he is stronger than the kids so he became an official for dodge ball. During the games he is known to go away from his referee stand to grab 'the enforcer' and throw it in an unsuspecting kids face. He is wanted in 8 states for 20 murders.<br />
The Best Way to Play<br />Making the game even better is easily accomplished. Just do some of the following to make it more enjoyable:<br />Fill balls with hydrogen. Bring matches.'<br />Practice dodging wrenches.<br />Practice dodging responsibility.<br />Practice dodging a firearm.<br />Practice dodging traffic.<br />Practice dodging your ex-wife/girlfriend.<br />Aim for the fat kid.<br />Weaker people on your team are there SOLELY to be used as human shields. If necessary, they may also be used as dodge balls themselves but don't forget to be responsible and give them a piece of candy for being a team player.<br />
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