A Rough (but Hopeful) Guide to Fatherhood - a workshop for dads

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This presentation was given at Emanuel School, London in Nov 2013. It forms part of a package of service offered to parents by Tim Mungeam and Stephen Carrick-Davies through www.dadsunlimited.co.uk. …

This presentation was given at Emanuel School, London in Nov 2013. It forms part of a package of service offered to parents by Tim Mungeam and Stephen Carrick-Davies through www.dadsunlimited.co.uk. It is a work in progress - not all of the content is included in this presentation and these slides are NOT a training package (either as a whole or in parts) and should not be used as such. Images are from Google or are owned by the presenters. It is shared on SlideShare for information and to contribute to the debate about how best to work alongside men as they seek to juggle their multiple responsibilities.

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  • TM
  • TM
  • TM 2 or things which are great about coming together like this. Have a laugh, learn from each other, celebrate what is great, get some great tips on how to be better dads !
  • SCD – reference to the changing face of fatherhood –our grandparents were raised by Victorians
  • SCD
  • SCD
  • Researchers looked at 36 studies involving 10,000 participants. The studies were based on surveys of children and adults about their parents' degree of acceptance or rejection in childhood.The results, published in Personality and Social Psychology Review, suggest children and adults experience the same level of acceptance or rejection from each parent, but the influence of one parent's rejection, mostly a father, can be greater. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/9330961/A-loving-father-is-more-important-to-children.html
  • SCD
  • Round up

Transcript

  • 1. A Rough (but hopeful) Guide to Fatherhood Emanuel School November 2013
  • 2. Stephen Carrick-Davies • Former CEO of Childnet International • Independent Trainer & Consultant Tim Mungeam • Former CEO of Parentalk & Springboard for Children • Author „Fantastic First Time Father‟
  • 3. Definition of an expert? = “A person knowledgeable enough about what is going on to be scared!” ------------------------------------------- “It was too theoretical and I should have stayed at home!” “I could have found that out myself on the internet!” “An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory”. Ralph Waldo Emerson ACTION POINTS
  • 4. Tonight… Room to • think and reflect • be reminded / gently challenged about things that perhaps we already know • meet other like-minded parents • get some practical pointers • identify some „gamechangers‟ for you • Continue the community…? Guide by the side, not sage on the stage!
  • 5. Why Fathers matter “To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.” Ernest Hemingway “Becoming a father, I think it inevitably changes your perspective of life. I don't get nearly enough sleep. And the simplest things in life are completely satisfying.” Hugh Jackman
  • 6. Changing face of family life PEER PRESSURE BLENDED FAMILIES GEOGRAPHY TIME POOR LONG WORK HOURS LACK OF ROLE MODELS CARING FOR ELDERS TOO JUGGLING NO “DAD’s NET” NETWORKS? “NEW MAN / NEW WOMAN” ROLES
  • 7. Why Fathers Matter The close involvement of fathers in looking after their children brings crucial benefits:  For us men – contributes to our identity, integration and satisfaction  For children – improves well-being and adjustment, education and behaviour, and reduces risk of involvement in crime.  For women – enables women to play a more equal part in the labour market, boosting earnings and career potential  For business – can boost productivity and improve staff recruitment and retention From EOC report „Twenty First Century Dad‟ & NFPI „Family Trends‟
  • 8. Fathers Matter The Politician “Parents and the home environment they create are the single most important factor in shaping their children‟s wellbeing, achievements and prospects.” Alan Johnson MP (when Education Secretary)
  • 9. Three Reflections “Parenthood is part joy part guerrilla warfare.” Ed Asner “Life is what happens to you when you were planning something else.” Fatherhood is an art not a science
  • 10. The rough guide to fatherhood Teens Work Social laughter Expectation
  • 11. The rough guide to fatherhood  A parent’s unique role  Investing in your relationship  The place of discipline Seeing the road ahead Looking after yourself Seizing the moment
  • 12.  A parent‟s unique role • Be intentional - get into good habits now • Be intentional - tell your child you love them
  • 13. Babies – easy! Strapping, stroppy teenager – less so! But just as important. • Be creative: different ways of showing love appropriate to their age and personality • Don‟t assume they get the message – make sure they do!
  • 14.  Investing in your relationship
  • 15. A word about technology     “Screen Time” Balance Modelling Good Behaviour Watching together Monitor signs of attention span, tiredness, irritability, aggression, levels of concentration (and yours)! • Book time in with your kids (or you’ll book it out) • Be present when you’re present
  • 16.  The place of discipline “Until I was 7, I thought my name was Stop It.”
  • 17.  The place of discipline • • • • Discipline is a toolbox Praise is the miracle tool Choose your battles Remember you‟re a role model ..but that life‟s a video, not a photo • • Dust some off tools you haven‟t used recently Ask for forgiveness & forgive yourself
  • 18.  The place of discipline OUR CURRENT TOP 3  CRITICIZE BEHAVIOUR (NOT CHILD) You can love your child but hate what he has done.  BE ASSERTIVE AND SPECIFIC. Stop throwing your food now” is much better than “cut that out!”  CUT DOWN ON THE WARNINGS. Let your „last time be your „last time‟ See http://www.allprodad.com/articles/general-fatherhood/22-discipline-ideas-for-dads/
  • 19.  Seeing the road ahead Know where you are on the journey: • Recognise and celebrate the different ages and stages • Recognise the influence of peers and peers‟ families • Start to observe & talk to parents of older children
  • 20. Ages and Stages Protection & Prevention Preparation Teacher Manager Protection & Prevention Dependency Preparation Independence Participation Participation Coach Interdependency Where are you and your kids? Think about „stages‟ as well as ages!
  • 21.  Looking after yourself Don‟t forget your oxygen mask “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they‟re finished, I climb out.” Erma Bombeck
  • 22.  Looking after yourself • Recognise the signs of pressure cabin loss! • Invest in your own health, knowledge and resilience • Talk to men who are on the same plane • Find and share ideas which help your well-being • Invest in your health & your social networks
  • 23.  Seizing the moment “My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it” Clarence Kelland • What are the important things I want to pass on? • What do I want him/her to say about me?
  • 24. The rough guide to fatherhood ACTION One thing
  • 25. Useful Links • • • • • • • • www.dad.info www.familylives.org.uk www.fatherhoodinstitute.org www.howtobeadad.com www.dadzclub.com www.oneplusone.org.uk www.familymatters.org.uk www.familyandparenting.org
  • 26. Questions and Comments Stephen Carrick-Davies Tim Mungeam www.carrick-davies.com www.mungeam.co.uk