LOST-THIS PLACE IS UNDEAD
Previously on LOST
I did it I killed the smoke
monster! Hurray hurra!
Hey, what is that a list of?
It’s a list of people who’ve died
that I want to bring back.
Jack, you can’t, it was their time
Don’t tell me what I can’t do! Once
I die they’ll come back and so will
You’re scaring me!
Kill me Kate.
I’ll do it doc.
Sawyer shoots Jack.
The episode starts:
1. INT. LIVINGROOM- MORNING
A moldy hand puts on a CD in a CD player. "Viva la vida" by
coldplay starts playing. A bug eyed MAN(45) with brown hair,
red eyes and a pale and greenish face sees his own
reflection in the mirror, he smiles and starts swaying back
and forwards. Suddenly a noise comes from outside the room,
the man grunts and walks towards the door.
2. EXT. OTHERVILLE- MORNING
A sad Kate is walking around Otherville and seems to be
looking for someone or something.
Hello? Is anyone still alive?
The man approaches the woman carefully.
Kate turns around, and suddenly looks horrified and lets out
What..? Who are you?
Don’t you recognize me? It’s me,
Why don’t you come on in, so I can
No! Where’s Jack?
He’s fine, Kate, he’s one of us,
I’m sure he’d be happy to see you.
Kate considers him for a moment, still looking frightened
and then she starts running. Ben runs after her, and is much
faster. He grabs her head and they start fighting. Kate
punches him, but Ben still manages to bite her throat. Blood
starts pouring, and Ben walks away from Kate’s lifeless
3. EXT. OTHERVILLE- MORNING
Close-up of a red eye in the jungle. It’s Kate and her face
is bloody, pale and greenish, with dark circles around the
eyes. Behind one of the bushes there’s a man, Hurley. He’s
staring at Kate with a face filled with shock and fear.
Right beside him is Miles, he too is looking scared.
Kate makes a grunting sound and walks towards one of the
Dude, we have to do something.
There’s nothing to do, tubby. I
don’t want to end up like that. Our
friends are dead, they’re gone,
that’s not them in there.
But, Sayid was all zombieish and he
changed in the end.
Hurley, we’re not going in there,
just forget about it.
So what do we do now?
We find a way to leave the island,
before they get to us.
4. INT. OTHERVILLE-LIVINGROOM- MORNING
A zombie version of Jack and a zombie version of Desmond are
sitting in a corner. Kate enters the room.
Are you deaf? Hello! Get off my
That’s not what you said last
Kate gives him a seductive look.
Eww, how would that even work?
Jack makes something that resembles Jackface. Except a lot
You look dashing.
Enough with your strange language,
tell me what you want.
I don’t know.
How about Hurley?
A zombie version of Locke enters the room, he’s missing his
Hello, I see you’ve decided you
join us Kate.
Kate looks at Jack.
What the hell is he doing here?
Hey! Don’t you dare talk about him
that way, Locke is my leader, he’s
the one that made be believe! He’s
my magical light cave.
Thank you, Jack.
I’m out of here!
Not so fast!
Where did you come from?
My mother’s womb!
I really wish you’d stop saying
stuff like that.
Looks like someone got their
whining ability back.
I- Good bye!
Kate stomps off.
5. EXT. OTHERVILLE- MORNING
Kate is walking towards the jungle, looking hungry and
tired. She’s in hunter mode. Sawyer, who is still human
Well hello there. So you a zombie
now? How’s that working out for
I feel nothing, except for anger
Welcome to my world!
Kate stares at him for a moment.
Are you going to make me into one?
Yes. You say it as though you want
I ain’t gonna complain about
Well, it’s not really immortality.
Sawyer makes a frown face, pulls out a gun and shoots her
head til there’s smoke coming out of it, or what’s left of
Oh, that’s one smoking lady!
Where the hell did you come from?
Sawyer puts a bullet through Lapidus’ head too.
6. EXT. JUNGLE- MORNING
Miles and Hurley are walking through the jungle.
So, now we’re in some kind of
Zombieland, who would have thought?
Just don’t start talking about
wanting a twinkie and we’ll be
Another fat joke, haha, you know,
Yeah, so does knowing that I’m
stuck with you.
Hurley starts walking in a different path.
Hey where are you going? Look I’m
Suddenly they hear footsteps coming from behind them.
Sawyer comes out of the bushes.
Sawyer! You’re not gross looking!
Hurley runs towards him and they hug.
It’s nice to see you too.
Are we the only ones left?
Sawyer gives an approving nod.
We have to turn the wheel.
The wheel Count Zaroff and Patrick
Stewart kept yapping about.
Ben and Locke, if we turn it, we’ll
move the island, but we’ll also get
But how can we all leave, if you
We’ll all turn it at the same time.
7. INT. OTHERVILLE-LIVINGROOM- MORNING
Ben is sitting in a chair staring at a wall. Zombie Juliet
enters the room.
Me too, I’ve got some rabbits!
I’m more in the mood for a southern
More like Sawyer ’food’. No ones
found him yet?
Oh, we will.
Just remember, he’s mine! And I’m
sick of waiting Ben, I’m going out
there to find him.
I’ll come with you, I’m sure he’s
8.EXT. Otherville- MORNING
Juliet and Ben are walking outside towards the jungle.
Hey, what’s that?
They walk over to the corpse of Kate. Juliet looks at Ben.
Did you do that?
I am not! Ok, so I’m the one who
killed her, but I’m not the one
that..um killed her. You know what
Sawyer..He did this.
Jack, Desmond and Locke come out of the house and start
walking towards them.
Hey! Where are you going?
We’re looking for Sawyer.
We’re looking for Hurley.
His meat is quite juicy and is
enough to go around.
Miles must be with him too.
The more the merrier!
It’s the guy that was married to
that "where’s my husband" chick.
No, that that’s Jin, or Moon or
It’s the human being that talks to
No, that’s Hurley.
Miles! Miles Straume! Why the
bloody hell can’t anyone remember
him? He was on the freighter and
he’s from Encino.
Straume? What is that, Norwegian?
Let’s just get going!
They walk off into the jungle.
9.EXT. FAR INTO THE JUNGLE-AFTERNOON
Miles, Sawyer and Hurley are still walking through the
You sure this is the right way?
Yeah, we have go where Locke went
to turn the wheel, the orchid
Hey guys? Why don’t we just take
the Ajira plane?
Unless you took flying lessons
while everyone was running around
get killed, I don’t see happening.
How hard can it be?
You’re an idiot, and it’s a hell of
a lot easier to just turn that
Hey, he ain’t an idiot. I’ll tell
you who’s an idiot, Jack, Jack is
Jack, Juliet, Desmond, Ben and Locke are trekking through
the jungle. Locke is tracking Sawyer and the gang’s
So, John, do you like being alive
What I like and don’t like is
irrelevant, the only thing that
matters is what the island likes.
Also, that we find these, human
beings and do our worst.
Well, at least you haven’t changed
Everyone, stop. I think I know
where they’re headed.
They’re going to the wheel, they’re
going to move the island. And I
know a shortcut.
11.EXT. ORCHID STATION-AFTERNOON
Sawyer, Hurley and Miles finally arrive at the Orchid
station. Miles looks at Sawyer.
I think we found the Orchid.
Why are you stating the obvious?
Miles pauses and looks at Sawyer.
So what do we do now, oh great
We go in.
I guess we have some time to figure
12.EXT. RIGHT BY THE ORCHID STATION- AFTERNOON
Finally! Is Sawyer there?
Locke is spying at Hurley, Sawyer and Miles while they’re
trying to get in.
Yes, and so is Hurley, and a
strange Asian guy I’ve never seen
Desmond shakes his head in disbelief.
I thought you said he was
I nev- lets just get going.
13.EXT. ORCHID STATION-AFTERNOON
Did you guys hear that?
Dude, I think someone’s here.
No one is here, there’s no way they
Hello there James.
This is not good.
Sawyer pulls his gun out.
Tell me James, how many bullets do
have left? You’re the only one with
a gun. You can’t fight of all of us
No, but I can help.
Desmond pulls out a gun and starts shooting at Locke.
The head! Aim at his head.
Desmond aims at his head, and a bullet goes straight through
it. Jack runs towards Desmond and grabs him.
What the hell did you do that for!?
Jack makes that face.
Because brotha, I’m not dead,I’m
just wearing makeup.
Jack pins Desmond to the ground and is about to literally
rip his head off, but Sawyer shoots Jack just in time.
Juliet and Ben walk towards them from behind the bushes.
Sawyer gets teary eyed.
We can be together now, you just
come over here and let me do what I
need to do and everything will be
Sorry, blondie, but I’m done
Sawyer blows her head off. At the same time Ben attacks
Hurley and bites him.
You son of a bitch!
Sawyer aims his gun at Ben, tries to shoot him, but there
are no more bullets left. Desmond looks up and blows Ben’s
head off. Meanwhile Zombie Hurley bites Miles, who’s hiding
in a corner, and now they’re both walking towards Desmond.
But Desmond is too distracted to notice all of this, Sawyer
Hey Desmond behind you!
Hurley throws himself over Desmond just in time and rips one
of his arms off. Desmond lies there dying, but tries to say
See you in another life, brotha.
L O S T