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Effective Listening
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  • 1. Effective Listening
  • 2. Effective Listening
    • The single most important skill in personal relationships, selling, negotiating, and managing is listening .
    • You can’t have a successful relationship unless you are firmly committed to listening a majority of the time.
  • 3. Effective Listening
    • Listening
      • 60% in most relationships -The minimum
      • 80% in some relationships - The maximum
        • If your partner won’t listen at least 20% of the time, it is not a two-way relationship.
          • It’s a one-way relationship like in theater, movies, print, broadcasting, or cable -- you are the audience.
  • 4. Effective Listening Listening is an essential component of communication. The Communication Process Source Message Channel Receiver Listening Understanding Feedback
  • 5. The Elements of the Communication Process
    • Caring - The ignition system that starts it and sparks it.
    • Respect - The generator that creates its own electricity and keeps it going.
    • Understanding - The pistons that power it forward.
    • Fairness - The cooling system that keeps it from overheating and running smoothly.
    The Power of Ethical Persuasion, Tom Rusk M.D., Viking, 1993
  • 6. Effective Communication Depends On:
    • Source credibility
    • Message strength
    • Channel effectiveness
    • Receiver characteristics
    • Listening effectiveness
    • Responsive feedback
  • 7. Effective Communication
    • Elements that enhance source credibility:
      • Trustworthiness
      • Competence
      • Objectivity
      • Expertise
      • Physically Attractiveness
      • Dynamism
      • Similarity
        • “ People like and trust people exactly like themselves.”
  • 8. Effective Communication
    • Elements that enhance message strength:
      • Two-sided argument
      • Ordering effects
        • Primacy and recency
      • KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid)
        • USP (Unique Selling Proposition)
      • Focus on benefits to the other person
  • 9. Effective Communication
    • Channel effectiveness
      • Face-to-face most effective
        • Full, two-way verbal and non-verbal communication with instant feedback
      • Video (film, TV, e.g.) next most effective.
      • Audio (radio, e.g.) next.
        • Video and audio can convey emotion and control emphasis, even though they are one-way.
      • Print least effective unless the message is complex.
        • Can’t convey emotion, one-way.
  • 10. Effective Communication
    • Receiver characteristics that affect communication:
      • Intelligence
        • The receiver can understand and evaluate messages.
      • Self-confidence
        • The receiver trusts self to evaluate communication and make an assured decision.
  • 11. Effective Communication
    • Effective Listening is the foundation on which effective communication rests.
    • You can improve not only your listening effectiveness but also the listening effectiveness of your partner on the road to agreement.
    • The beginning of knowledge, learning, relationships, communication, and conversation is a question -- an open-ended question.
  • 12. Effective Listening
    • Ask an open-ended question.
    • Adopt the proper attitude.
      • Optimistic, open, confident, trusting, respecting, non-defensive, and non-judgmental
    • Shut up and listen.
    • Listen actively : nod, use gestures, smile (Responsive Feedback).
    • Concentrate on the speaker .
      • Don’t take notes unless it’s absolutely necessary.
  • 13. Effective Listening
    • Do not step on sentences.
    • Do not respond to negatives, objections, concerns too quickly.
      • If you do, you appear to be defensive.
    • Do not think of a rebuttal.
      • If you continually rebut arguments, you’ll stop getting them and won’t learn anything.
      • If you think of a rebuttal while trying to listen, you can’t receive 100% of the information you hear.
  • 14. Effective Listening
    • Respect the other side’s statements.
      • Respect and learn about their view of the world.
    • Listen for themes.
      • Risk averse, conservative, entrepreneurial, needs recognition, affiliation needs, goal oriented, etc.
    • Be very sensitive to emotional cues.
    • Listen in synchronization – don’t mimic.
  • 15. Effective Listening
    • Concentrate on the speaker (open body language).
    • Acknowledge, don’t always agree.
      • “Oh,” “Uh-Uh,” “I see,” e.g.
      • Don’t say “Good,” or “You’re right,” – judgmental.
    • Do not react emotionally.
      • Control your emotions.
    • Listen with authenticity.
      • Be yourself, others can tell when you’re not sincere.
  • 16.
    • What good listeners don’t do: *
      • Interrupt
      • Respond too soon.
      • Editorialize in midstream.
      • Jump to conclusions.
      • Judge the speaker.
      • Try to solve the problem too quickly.
      • Take calls or interruptions in the course of a meeting.
    * The Trusted Advisor, David Maister et al, Free Press, 2000
  • 17. Non-Verbal Communication
    • Non-verbal communication conveys 65% of a message’s meaning.
    • Look for individual body language.
      • No universal body language.
    • Use gestures, space, openness, and your body language to:
      • Give the message you care about and like the other person.
      • Match their style and pace .
  • 18. Non-Judgmental Listening
    • Listen, understand and accept other people’s perception of the world.
      • Spend time in their shoes.
    • Develop a non-threatening, non-confrontational attitude so people feel secure in opening up, revealing personal information.
      • Offer personal information first and then trade it.
      • Find something you have in common with the other person.
    Sales Effectiveness Training, Carl Zaiss and Thomas Gordon, Penguin Books, 1993
  • 19. Non-Judgmental Listening
    • Security creates an atmosphere of openness, honesty, and trust.
      • Open discussion is now possible.
    • Remember, trust is the oil and grease that keeps the communication engine moving along the road to agreement.
  • 20. Non-Judgmental Listening
    • Vary your responses, otherwise listening becomes a monotonous technique.
    • Show genuine concern and caring.
      • “I don’t care how much you know until I know how much you care.”
    • Never ask “Why?”
        • No challenges
        • No obvious, manipulating techniques or leading questions: “Have you stopped beating your wife?” e.g.
  • 21. Non-Judgmental Listening
    • Goals:
      • To understand the other person’s needs
        • Often, the other person just needs to talk.
      • To understand another person’s unique perception of their world.
    Sales Effectiveness Training, Carl Zaiss and Thomas Gordon, Penguin Books, 1993
  • 22. Listening Roadblocks
    • Denying, minimizing,
    • Cheering up, reassuring, encouraging
    • Sympathy, indignation, me-tooing, story-telling
    • Advising, teaching
      • Become condescending
    Sales Effectiveness Training, Carl Zaiss and Thomas Gordon, Penguin Books, 1993
  • 23. Listening Roadblocks
    • Taking over, rescuing
    • Analyzing, probing, playing detective
    • Criticizing, moralizing, warning
    • Arguing, defending, counterattacking
      • All of these responses are judgmental.
      • So the point is to shut up and listen and acknowledge unemotionally … like a therapist does.
    Sales Effectiveness Training, Carl Zaiss and Thomas Gordon, Penguin Books, 1993
  • 24. Effective Listening
    • Listen carefully, actively to other people.
    • Rephrase their position/objection.
      • “Let me make sure I understand your position…you feel our prices are too high?”
    • Get their agreement that you understand.
      • “Is that correct?”
    • Respond with a form of an “I understand” statement (vary your responses)
      • “I understand…,”
      • “Feel, felt, found.”
  • 25. “Feel, Felt, Found”
    • Respond:
      • “I understand how you feel …”
        • Acknowledges their feelings and honors them.
      • “Many customers have felt the same way …”
        • Reinforces and legitimizes their opinions so they know they aren’t stupid or silly.
      • “But we have found that higher prices are based on three things: highly targeted content, high demand, and high response rates. We have a 95% renewal rate.”