Life With Teens - June 2012 - Boston

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From the impact of technology on social skills to dealing with bullying and popularity issues, parents of teens today need to be informed about many issues and opportunities. Our new magazine will …

From the impact of technology on social skills to dealing with bullying and popularity issues, parents of teens today need to be informed about many issues and opportunities. Our new magazine will help parents navigate these important years by providing insight, expert advice and guidance on a wide variety of topics. Each issue will also contain a valuable directory of local, national, and international programs, services, and other opportunities for teens and their families in Boston, New York, Philadelphia, and Metro DC, including Northern Virginia and Maryland.

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  • 1. BOSTON SUMMER 2012 SUBSCRIBE NOW teenlife.com/mag IT’S FREE!+Are You aHelicopterParent?DIVORCEParents, teens, andexperts weigh in. 10PUBLISHED BY TIPS FOR TEENS ON THE ROAD TO FINANCIAL SUCCESSTeenLife.com VOL. 1, ISSUE 1 LOOK INSIDE
  • 2. Bloomingdales, Tiffany & Co., Michael Kors, Kiehl’s Since 1851, Ross-Simons, Ann Taylor, Papyrus, CUSP by Neiman Marcus, Sur La Table, Apple and Coming Soon . . . Stuart Weitzman and Soft Surroundings! twitter.com/ShopChestnut facebook.com/MallAtChestnutHill Mall at Chestnut Hill 199 Boylston Street Chestnut Hill, MA 02467 617.965.3038
  • 3. First 100 new subscribers receive a FREE TeenLife BOSTON backpack! Reserve FALL 2012 your free IBE SUBSCR W NO mag com/ teenlife. ! IT’S FREE Teens Technology subscription PUBLISHED TeenLife.co BY VOL. 1, ISSUE m 2 10 FAVORITE FIND LOOK INSIDE S now. Go to TeenLife.com/mag to keep receiving Life with Teens in your mailbox! Plus, you’ll get: 1. Unlimited access to our award-winning website featuring thousands of programs and opportunities for teens. e-Newsletter and popular 2. Our information-packed printed and digital guides. calendar of local events 3. Access to our community and volunteer opportunities for teens.Sign Up Now at TeenLife.com/mag.
  • 4. TeenLife.com PUBLISHER Marie Schwartz, President & Founder M A R K ETI N G Cara Ferragamo Murray Vice President of Marketing & Communications Camille Heidebrecht Director of Marketing & Managing Editor Mary Hawkins Manager of Search Engine Marketing BOSTON NEWTON MARBLEHEAD ADV E RTI S I N G SA L E S Dina Creiger Director of Sales, dina@teenlife.com Drop-in classes available for ages 16+ Jeanne Kelley Account Executive, jeanne@teenlife.com Mary Anne MacLean Account Executive, mamaclean1@gmail.com Jacklyn Morris Account Executive, jackie@teenlife.com Cindy Tessman Account Executive, cindy@teenlife.com O P E R AT I O N S Ellie Boynton, Vice President of Operations Maria Kieslich, Director of Operations Alice Vaught, Jesse Burns, Customer Service CO NT R I B UTI N G W R I TE R S Chad Foster, Lucy Norvell, James Paterson, Diana Simeon, Kimberly Wolf, M.Ed. A RT & PR O DU C T I O N Kathryn Tilton, Designer PUBLISHED BY Life with Teens, Volume I, Issue I, Summer 2012 is a quarterly publication of TeenLife Media, LLC. 1330 Beacon St., Suite 268, Brookline, MA 02446, (617) 277-5120, info@teenlife.com, www.teenlife.com LIMIT OF LIABILITY TeenLife Media, LLC (TL) does not verify claims or information appearing in any advertisements contained in this magazine. While advertising copy is reviewed, no endorsement of any product or service offered by any advertisement is intended or implied by publication in Life with Teens. No part of this magazine’s editorial content may be reproduced without written consent by TeenLife. Beyond Ballet – dance your Some content reprinted with permission by Your Teen magazine. way to fitness TL takes no responsibility for the descriptions of the organizations in our Directory. TL is not familiar with all of the organizations listed. We edit the descrip- tions to achieve a consistent format. TL presents all Ballet, Modern, Character, and Pilates descriptions without any warranty of any kind. TL is not responsible for the accuracy of any description, or for mistakes, errors, or omissions of any kind, or for any loss or damage caused by a user’s reliance on the Classes for all levels, absolute beginner through experienced dancer information contained in this publication. Information is subject to change without notice, and readers are advised to confirm all information about an organiza- tion before making any commitments. Trademarks: TeenLife Media, LLC and related trade For more information, call 617.456.6333 or visit dress are trademarks or registered trademarks of www.bostonballet.org/school TeenLife and/or its affiliates in the United States and may not be used without written permission. Copyright © 2012 by TeenLife Media, LLC Published by TeenLife Media, LLC, Brookline, MA2 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 5. BOSTON SUMMER 2012 TeenLife.com8 CAREER TRACK: 21st Century Skills for the 21st Century Workplace By Chad Foster11 MONEY SENSE: Financial Wisdom for Teens—Learn Now or Pay Later! By Chad Foster14 27 FEATURE: Helicopter Parenting— Why It’s Not Good for Your Teen By Diana Simeon25 VOLUNTEER SPOTLIGHT: 14 Does Your Teen Want to Be a Samariteen? By Lesli Amos27 CAMPUS CONNECT: Why Hire an Independent Consultant? An Objective Professional Can Pay Off in Many Ways By Jim Paterson29 HEALTH & WELLNESS: Media Literacy 101—Fortifying Teens’ Media Diets By Kimberly Wolf, M.Ed.31 VIEW POINTS: The Dreaded “D” Word In Every Issue 6 DID YOU KNOW? New ground-breaking stats See page 7. 7 FAVORITE FINDS: Review the latest and greatest 39 43 STAY CONNECTED! DIRECTORY: WHAT’S HAPPENING? Programs and services for Regional events in and families with teens around Boston. SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 3
  • 6. High  School  Quiz  Show  is  a Major  sponsorship  for  High  School  Quiz  Show  is  provided  by: Additional  funding  is  provided  by:production  of  WGBH  Boston
  • 7. Welcome to A New Quarterly Magazine For Parents of Teens! You asked for it—and we delivered! Our feature, Helicopter Parenting: Let me know what you think! ThisIn response to interest from TeenLife Why It’s Not Good for Your Teen on page magazine is for you—comments andmembers and parents of teens—like you— 14, resonated with me right away. I think feedback are always welcome. And pleasewe recognized that you not only need, but we have all been guilty of micromanaging pass it along to other parents you knowwant, more information and guidance to our teens. with teens!navigate the issues affecting teens today. On page 31, we look at parent, teen, Happy Reading,As you know, these can be formidable and expert perspectives on divorce andyears—and we want to be right by Kimberly Wolf, M.Ed. evaluates teenyour side! media literacy on page 29. In addition, Life with Teens aims to inspire par- we offer ways your child can manage theirents to be better parents, and teens to be money (page 11) and apply “21st Centurybetter teens. We also aspire to help your Skills” to their lives (page 8).budding college student prepare for life In each issue, you’ll also find a Marie Schwartz, President & Founder,beyond high school. To think about finan- Volunteer Spotlight (page 25), a Listings TeenLife Media, LLC mschwartz@teenlife.comcial security, work/life skills, the value of Directory of teen-friendly programs andgiving back, and more. resources (page 39), and Local Events You’ll find our editorial is timely (page 43) to add to your calendar. P.S. Spread the word! Connect withand offers valuable advice.Thanks to We hope you enjoy your first issue TeenLife on Facebook and Twitterthe team at Your Teen magazine for of Life with Teens. To keep receiving (@teenlifemedia). Invite family, friends,providing some of the content in our your free subscription, sign up at and coworkers to subscribe to Life withinaugural issue. Teenlife.com/mag. Teens at TeenLife.com/mag. Discover The Landmark Advantage: One-to-One. Every Day. Landmark School knows that for young people with a language-based learning disability, like dyslexia, school can be frustrating and overwhelming. For our students, grades 2 - 12, school is about experiencing a personalized academic program with one-to-one tutoring every day, building skills to make learning productive and meaningful, playing sports, exploring visual arts, woodworking, theater…and experiencing confidence for the first time ever. Come visit. We’re just 25 miles north of Boston. Landmark School1:1 Prides Crossing, Massachusetts landmarkschool.org • 978.236.3000 every day SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 5
  • 8. DID YOU KNOW? OVER A LIFETIME, INDIVIDUALS WITH A BACHELOR’S DEGREE MAKE 84% MORE MONEY THAN THOSE WITH ONLY A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA. The Georgetown University Center on Education and The Workforce Working couples talk to one another an average of only 12 minutes a day. NYU Child Study Center BY 2015, THE MILLENNIAL 1 in 3 teens sends more than GENERATION WILL MAKE 100 text messages UP ONE-THIRD OF THE a day, or ELECTORATE. 3,000 texts a month. Young Democrats of America 2010 The Pew Research Center’s Internet & American Life Project6 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 9. FAVORITE FINDS of teenagers say they hide their online activity from their parents. LIGHTEN YOUR LOAD! McAfee 2010 With a unique technology support system, the Airbak Campus Backpack combines extensive back cushion- ing with a special inflatable pillow for WARNI N G FO R PA R E N TS : additional padding. Its technology support system magically reduces the weight of a student’s heavy load.Boozy Bears www.airbak.comGummy CandySoaked in AlcoholBy Dr. Thomas Tallman, Director,Emergency Preparedness & Disaster GOMedicine at Cleveland Clinic. RETRO! YUBZ providesThere are teenagers who Obviously, if you are seeing today’s parents andsearch for an undetectable gummy candies suddenly appear teens with a safe,mind-altering experience. or disappear and alcohol is miss- functional, and chicSome have found a new ing, you may have cause to worry. Retro Handset that isway to get an alcohol buzz However, if you are waiting for effective in reducingwithout arousing suspicion— telltale signs, you will miss your exposure to radiomarinating gummy bear opportunity. Don’t wait for grades frequency wavescandy in vodka. The candy to slip and don’t ignore altered caused by cellabsorbs the vodka and be- moods. Sit down and ask your phones. They havecomes an alcohol snack. Teens kids whether they are seeing this plenty of fun colorseat them in order to keep a behavior among their peers. Tell and new funkymild buzz going throughout your kids that eating alcohol-laden designs too!the day with the thought of candy promotes alcohol addiction. www.yubz.comavoiding detection. But the Have a frank discussion and hopeteen, believing the fallacy that for an honest reply. You may findvodka is odorless and unde- an underlying reason for a desiredtectable, is not fooling anyone. “altered mood.”Some content reprinted with permission from Your Teen magazine. SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 7
  • 10. CAREER TRACK Century  Skills FOR THE 21ST CENTURY WORKPLACE ST BY CH AD FOST ER BY C H AD FO ST ERToday’s teens will spend at least 16 yearsToday’s teens will spend at least 16 years Networking Skills—Future Networking Skills—Futureand almost 20,000 hours in classroomsand almost 20,000 hours in classrooms teen employees will need to master teen employees will need to masterbefore heading out into the real world.before heading out into the real world.So, how can a parent be sure that thisSo, how can a parent be sure that this the skills of meeting and effectively the skills of meeting and effectively communicating with a lot of people, communicating with a lot of people, 12 TIPS for Teens Preparing for Teens Preparinglengthy journey provides their teenslengthy journey provides their teens getting to know those people, and getting to know those people, andwith the necessary tools needed to suc-with the necessary tools needed to suc- then staying in touch with those then staying in touch with those for the Real World for the Real Worldceed? The question is fair, and deservesceed? The question is fair, and deserves people—maybe even hundreds of people—maybe even hundreds of 1. Find your passion 1. Find your passionserious consideration. Education aloneserious consideration. Education alone new contacts. In actuality, teens are new contacts. In actuality, teens are and follow it. and follow it.probably isn’t the answer. But the addi-probably isn’t the answer. But the addi- all quite familiar with the concept all quite familiar with the concept 2. Ask a million 2.tion of summer jobs, community servicetion of summer jobs, community service of “keeping in touch” with a large of “keeping in touch” with a large questions. questions.work, educational programs, and evenwork, educational programs, and even community of people via social net- community of people via social net- 3. Read everything 3.internships can help fill in the gaps. Eachinternships can help fill in the gaps. Each working, so the transition to a pro- working, so the transition to a pro- you can. you can.of these experiences will teach teens theof these experiences will teach teens the fessional application should be fairly fessional application should be fairly 4. Meet all kinds of 4.vital 21st Century skills necessary tovital 21st Century skills necessary to smooth. Keep in mind however, smooth. Keep in mind however, people. people.prepare and succeed in work. So, whatprepare and succeed in work. So, what that teens must be reminded that all that teens must be reminded that allare these skills?are these skills? of the technology in the world will of the technology in the world will 5. Fill your address 5. not change the age old premise that not change the age old premise that book. book.Communication Skills—TeensCommunication Skills—Teens “people make people successful.” “people make people successful.” 6. Stay in touch with 6.must develop the ability to talk to peoplemust develop the ability to talk to people Who you know will always be just Who you know will always be just everyone. everyone.from all walks of life. “Don’t talk tofrom all walks of life. “Don’t talk to as important as what you know. as important as what you know. 7. Always do the right 7. Always do the rightstrangers” makes great sense until agestrangers” makes great sense until age thing. thing.11 or 12. After that, the ability to hold a11 or 12. After that, the ability to hold a People Skills—In a practi- People Skills—In a practi- 8. Volunteer for 8.conversation is vital. Questioning skillsconversation is vital. Questioning skills cal sense, the ability to get along cal sense, the ability to get along community service. community service.and listening skills are both critical toand listening skills are both critical to with others will benefit teens in all with others will benefit teens in all 9. Discover your natural 9.this process, which need not be compli-this process, which need not be compli- aspects of their lives—at home, in aspects of their lives—at home, in talents. talents.cated. Whether personally or profession-cated. Whether personally or profession- the classroom, and in the work- the classroom, and in the work- 10. Try a few jobs before 10. Try a few jobs beforeally, teens should be reminded to askally, teens should be reminded to ask place. However, statistics show place. However, statistics show and during college. and during college.simple questions; listen to answers andsimple questions; listen to answers and that people skills in the workplace that people skills in the workplaceincorporate them into their next ques-incorporate them into their next ques- are often the toughest to master. A are often the toughest to master. A 11. Pursue your dreams. 11. Pursue your dreams.tions; and focus questions on jobs,tions; and focus questions on jobs, whopping 70% of people who quit whopping 70% of people who quit 12. Remember: mastery 12. Remember: masteryfamilies, and hobbies. A teen that isfamilies, and hobbies. A teen that is or lose their jobs do so because they or lose their jobs do so because they of vital 21st Century of vital st“interesting” is great. A teen that is“interesting” is great. A teen that is can’t get along with their bosses can’t get along with their bosses skills leads to suc- skills leads success.“interested” is even better.“interested” is even better. or coworkers. This is clearly one or coworkers. This is clearly one cess.88 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 11. skill that is best not learned “on Give yourthe job.” Success will depend on ateen’s ability to compromise and teen theto resolve conflict—coupled withunderstanding the dangers of burn-ing bridges along the way. confidenceTolerance—Three-year-olds they need.from diverse backgrounds playtogether peacefully on playgroundsacross America. They do so be- Academic Life Coaching Ten one-on-one sessions tailored tocause they have yet to embrace the the individual student. Increase academic confidence and reducepoison of intolerance. Socially, anxiety. Build personal confidence and self-awareness. Improveintolerance is distasteful, but pro- communications, relationships and leadership skills; for school, for life,fessionally intolerance can be fatal. for your child.Employees don’t have the luxuryof choosing their coworkers, their Gina Halstedbosses, and/or their customers. Academic Life CoachTeens who expect to survive and gina@ALCteen.comsucceed in the global economy to-day absolutely need to learn how to www.ALCteen.comlive with, work with, and socializewith people from all walks of life.So, how can you as a parent help?Intolerance—a learned behavior— ArtsBridgecan be unlearned with the help ofparents who recognize the dangersof this behavior and the futurechallenges that it presents. INTENSE COLLEGE ADVISINGChoices/Consequences— IN THE PERFORMING ARTSThere is no magic wand whenit comes to helping teens alwaysmake the right choices, but theycan be reminded to weigh data,think about risk, and consider theconsequences of their choices. Thekey is for teens to develop pro-cesses and strategies that enablethem to sharpen their foresight.“If I only knew then what I knownow,” a comment often heard,reminds us that hindsight is always20/20. Teens must understand thatthere is a dangerous correlationbetween making minor bad choicesnow and making major bad choiceslater. It is also critical for them to Educational Consultantsrealize that just one destructive specializing in the Performing Artsdecision can easily destroy thebest laid plans and highest hopes. ArtsBridge.com // info@artsbridge.com SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 9
  • 12. Conversely, making positive “right” decisions can help them achieve their life-long dreams. Time Management—Organi- zational and time utilization skills are two of the most vital common denominators of highly successful people. The ability to multi-task is paramount to a successful educa- tional, as well as workplace experi- ence. Simply put, teens who cannot effectively manage their time and organize their daily schedules are certain to struggle. Every teen must have a system. Whether that system is implemented with an electronic gadget or an old fash- ioned manual process is irrelevant. If the system works, then it is the right system. Hint: the ability to say “no” can go a long way in the game of time management! Business Literacy—In today’s world of entrepreneurial busi- nesses and start-up companies, the vast majority of today’s teens will not work for large corporations. Smaller companies will employ most—and the preparation is quite different from the preparation for a job in generations past. These companies typically do not have the time or resources to train basic workplace skills or teach the newly employed about the particular in- dustry landscape. Employees who take initiative, deal with challenges, overcome obstacles, and solve problems starting in their teen years will have a distinct advantage over the rest. Business literacy is probably the difference between failure and success. There is ample time for teens to master the 21st Century skills vital to workplace and life achievement if they start now. They must get involved, communicate, network, organize, make calculated deci- sions, appreciate others, and learn business. LWT10 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 13. SENSE FINANCIAL WISDOM FOR TEENS Learn Now or Pay Later! What teens need to do now in order to become financially literate young adults. BY C HAD FO ST ER very parent wants their teen And it can go even further. What to walk into the real world they are probably not thinking about is fully prepared to make wise how influential these jobs can be on their financial decisions. But, for eventual career path. I like to remind par- most parents, teaching their ents and teens that the process of careerchildren how to do this is not—at all— exploration, preparation, and selectioneasy. So, here’s some practical advice, cannot start too early.mixed with a little bit of financial wisdom, As parents, encourage your teenthat you can share with your teen about to get summer jobs in various differentmaking, managing, and multiplying their types of work and intern (hopefully paid)hard-earned money. during breaks. Not only will they be earning their own money, but they will1. MAKING MONEY—How will your also be exploring what they like to do.teen get his or her money? Simply put, A love for animals is not enough tothey can earn it, marry it, inherit it, or become a vet, but combining a love forsteal it! Since marrying money is unlikely, animals with substantial time workinginheriting money can take forever, and in a vet’s office may lead a teen tostealing money is illegal, the truth of the that very career.matter is that the vast majority of today’steens will have to do it the old-fashionedway. Earn it. Of course, your child—and many of “Youngthe teens you might know—are probablyearning money by babysitting, mowing savers usuallylawns, working in retail, or cashiering at end up as oldthe local supermarket, which are all excel- savers.”lent ways in which young adults can makemoney. Obviously earning their ownmoney not only gives them some cash intheir pockets, but it also teaches them somuch more. They begin to learn the corre-lation between working hard and gettingpaid for their efforts. And they can learnabout supply and demand: after babysit-ting for a few families, they might realizehow many families need childcare help—and thus an enterprising teen might seizeon the chance to earn even more money. SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 11
  • 14. 2. MANAGING MONEY—So, what happens when the cash starts to flow in? Will your teen spend it all? Save some of it? Give some away? Hopefully, the answer will be no, yes, yes. Yes, you are reading it correctly, I replied no, yes, yes. In passing my financial wisdom on to you, I honestly believe that successful money man- agement can only take place if “the list” is in the right order. Give, Save, Spend. Let me explain. Giving. Granted, “giving” is not always an easy concept to sell to the average teen that has worked hard for his or her paycheck. But then again, who wants to have an average 10 teen? Teens should be encouraged to give—this reminds teens at an 30 simply will not be as effective as early age that no matter who they starting the saving process as a teen. are or what they have, there is always The secret to saving is time. someone less fortunate. I like to put Spending seems to come quite it this way: whether you are 16 or 60, naturally to most teens. After all, why and whether you give away $10 or work hard to earn that pile of money Ten Tips for Teens $10,000, there are three things I can if you can’t turn around and spend on the Road to some of it? The desire to spend for promise you. most teens is quite normal. But it Financial Freedom 1. It always feels good to give. is imperative that teens have a clear 2. It helps others when you give. understanding of how much money 1. Work part-time as a they’re bringing in, and thus how teenager. 3. Giving is the right thing to do. much they can allow themselves to 2. Give to those less Teens who start giving at an spend, both on things they need and fortunate than you. early age typically become adults who things they want. continue the practice of giving later As parents, intervene a bit; ask 3. Learn to save money at in life. your kids before shopping if they an early age. Saving. Saving is important, and actually need what they plan to it must become a habit. Habits, good buy—or just want what they plan to 4. Understand the and bad alike, are hard to break. For buy. Again, they will probably spend difference between this reason, young savers usually end a little on both, but a clear problem needs and wants. up as older savers, which is critical arises when teens start spending 5. Develop good spending to the process of wise money man- money they don’t have on things they habits before you have agement. While still highly recom- don’t need. When that line is crossed, big bucks. mended, starting to save at age 25 or a small piece of plastic has obviously 6. Pursue a career you enjoy. 7. Figure out how to make COLLEGE money while you sleep. PRESIDENTS TELL US 8. Pay off all credit cards THAT THEY every month. LOSE MORE STUDENTS 9. Protect what you own TO CREDIT with insurance.of college students carry credit year-olds that have CARD DEBT card debt, with more than half declared bankruptcy THAN TO 10. Recognize the need toof those students charging their has increased 96% ACADEMIC live within your means. cards to the limit. over the past 10 years. FAILURE. 12 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 15. worked its way into the process. Be aware, credit card compa- EarthConnect: A Costa Rican Adventurenies target teens, too. And creditcard debt, as anyone knows, cancause long-term financial ruin. In Summer Programfact, colleges today report that theylose more students to credit carddebt than to academic failure.3. MULTIPLYING MONEY—Teens who explore rewarding for Teens ‘‘careers for themselves and learnto effectively manage the money Story after story came…they earn are well on their way tofinancial success. Only the abil- Spy hopping with theity to multiply their money stands dolphins, kayaking inbetween them and their future,and complete financial freedom. mangroves, meetingAs a wise man in West Texas once locals and traveling byshared with an eager, ambitiousteenage entrepreneur, “Until you bus. What became clearlearn how to make money while to me was how muchyou sleep, you will never really getahead in the financial process.” Sam enjoyed being with Teens who learn how to make authentic people from amoney while they sleep, unearnedmoney, are the real winners. The foreign culture. When Isooner teens are introduced to the asked him “Was it whatprocess of investing, and the earlierthey are taught to understand the you thought it wouldpower of unearned income, the be?” His response wasbetter off they will be in the longrun. No matter how the market “Better, by far!” Heperforms, a safe, long-term stock was proud of the workwill be more profitable the earlieryour teen invests. he accomplished and all Once again, time is a determin- that he learned. He goting factor in the process. Adultsand teens alike must understand, more out of the program than I could have ’’however, that investing is a skill,which must be learned and prac-ticed in order to improve over time. possibly expected. Is there a sure-fire formula that —EarthConnect 2011 Parentworks for every teen learning aboutmoney? Not a chance. But is itpossible to send teens into the realworld financially literate? You bet. Chill ExpeditionsAs parents, encourage them to earntheir own money; to really think Costa Rican Adventures Experiential Learning Adventures Since 1995about their career path; to give,save, and spend in the right order; 800.551.7887 Toll Freeand to multiply their money even requests@costaricanadventures.comwhile they sleep. Teach financialwisdom now or consequently they www.costaricanadventures.comwill pay later! LWT SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 13
  • 16. PARENTING Why It’s Not Good for Your TeenHaven’t we all had a helicopter moment?Perhaps it was a note to a teacherprotesting a grade, or a call to a coachinsisting our teenager gets to play innext week’s game. Maybe it washelping too much with an Englishpaper or wrangling an invitationto a party. Whatever the reason,we stepped in and did for ourteenager what they could—and probably should—havehandled on their own. by Diana SimeonReprinted with permission from Your Teen magazine.14 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 17. SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 15
  • 18. CCASIONAL MOMENTS LIKE THESE ARE PART OF BEING A PARENT. WE LOVE OUR TEENAGERS AND WANT THE BEST FOR THEM. BUT WHEN INTERVENTION HAPPENS TOO OFTEN, AND WE FIND OURSELVES HANDLING LIFE’S CHALLENGES FOR OUR TEENAGERS WEEK AFTER WEEK— OR DAY AFTER DAY—THEN WE MAY BE HURTING MORE THAN HELPING. IN ORDER FOR OUR TEENAGERS TO GROW INTO SUCCESSFUL ADULTS, THEY MUST LEARN TO HANDLE CHALLENGES ON THEIR OWN. THIS DOESN’T MEAN THAT WE LET OUR TEENAGERS GO THEIR OWN WAY NO MATTER WHAT THEY’RE UP AGAINST, BUT IT DOES MEAN THAT, MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, WE MUST LET THEM TAKE THE LEAD. And when our radar detects trouble, we act. In fact, how many of us would get into the college we“Some parents hope to rescue their teenagers from getting attended? The current economic climate doesn’t help mat-a bad grade or from a social situation or from any of the ters; even attending a prestigious college doesn’t guaranteepitfalls that can happen in life, believing perhaps that it a job upon graduation for our teens.will be too difficult for their teen to handle,” explains Amy Then, there are our worries over driving and drugsSpeidel, a Cleveland-area parenting coach. and alcohol and sex and everything else that can go “We have a pessimistic attitude toward our kids wrong—sometimes drastically so—in their lives. And, asthat says they cannot do anything safely or successfully if all of this weren’t enough, chances are we’re also actingwithout our help,” adds New York City-based syndicated out of guilt.columnist Lenore Skenazy, author of Free-Range Kids: “We feel guilty because it’s so much harder for ourHow to Raise Safe Self-Reliant Children without Going Nuts teenagers today or because we’re asking them to do sowith Worry. much or because we’re divorced or we work too much or So why do we do it? What’s changed from the hands- whatever,” Gilboa says.off parenting style of past generations to the enmeshedstyle so frequently found today? Why do we think that ourteenagers can’t handle what we handled at their age? Well, Wait, Should We Really Land thisaccording to the experts, there are several factors at play. Helicopter? First, foremost and most obvious, we love our teen- So, if the world has changed, if it’s that much harderagers. “We believe that no one has our teenager’s best for our teenagers, isn’t the appropriate response to be moreinterests at heart. That’s not self-aggrandizing. That’s enmeshed with them? Absolutely not, the experts say.truly love,” says Deborah Gilboa, MD, a.k.a. Dr. G, a “We can almost describe it like this,” Speidel says. “ItPittsburgh-area physician. “And as they move into is as if parents are attempting to help their teens developadolescence, we’re also still in the habit of taking care an internal guidance system, but never allow the teen toof all their needs.” experience the learning as their own. For instance, years Anxiety for our teenagers’ future is another reason. ago, if you were 12 years old and nobody picked you up at“There is an apt recognition that the world is a more the end of an activity, you had to figure it out. Now, teenscompetitive place now,” notes Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical don’t do that; they just make a call.”psychologist at Laurel School in Shaker Heights, Ohio. Yet, it’s this figuring out of day-to-day problems“And that this generation will have to work harder to be that teenagers need to grow successfully into adulthood,as successful as their parents.” Speidel notes. “By giving children the answers, parents No doubt. Take getting into college, particularly a are actually creating a foreman-on-the-job response intop-ranked college. It’s just much harder to do these days. their child that says, ‘I don’t have to bank this knowledge16 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 19. because you will have the answer adults who lack confidence, and per-for me.’” haps even the competence, to success- In other words, when teenag- fully make their way in the world.ers deal with a challenge, they learn Meanwhile, our relationship withhow to deal with a challenge. When our teenagers is also at risk when wethey, and not their parents, talk to the helicopter. “There may be kids whocoach about playing in next week’s find this totally inappropriate andsoccer game or to the teacher about humiliating,” Damour says. “It putsa poor grade, then the next time a them in the position of being angry TIGER PARENTING:similar situation arises, they will have with someone who is acting on their The Flip Side of the Coin?built the skills to do so. behalf.” Meaning you. But, when a parent swoops in Thanks to Amy Chua’s bestselling Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,and takes charge, these skills won’tdevelop. Coming in for a Landing we now have yet another parenting moniker at our disposal: tiger mom. “It can feel like a vote of no confi- Former New York Times and nowdence. The parent is, in effect, telling Huffington Post columnist Lisa Belkin Tiger mom—or tiger parent—meansthe teenager: ‘I don’t think you can said it all when she wrote: “Our own a parent who pushes her children tohandle this, so I am going to handle it quirks look, to us, like concern or excel, at times using strategies thatfor you,’” Damour says. prudence or love. It’s everyone ELSE may seem excessive to the rest of us. Then, there’s the tendency of who hovers.” While it’s most often seen withmany enmeshed parents to rescue Isn’t it true? It’s easy to “tsk, tsk” academics, it also happens in musictheir teenagers from the consequences about instances of extreme helicopter- or sports or debate or dance or mostof their actions. For example, the ing—like the parent of the Colgate any competitive activity in which aparent who calls to complain about University student who called the tiger parent decides, “My child willa grade her teenager “deserved” is school to complain about the plumb- be the best.”not helping her teenager at all. Why ing conditions in China, where her At Life with Teens we wondered: Arestudy next time if Mom or Dad can daughter was spending a semes- tiger parents the same as helicopterfix it for you? ter—but when it comes to our own parents? They are, after all, very in- teenagers, determining how much is volved with their children’s lives. So, too much is not easy. we asked our experts to weigh in. “I think parents feel frustrated“When your teenager by this. They wonder: ‘So, I’m just “I would say those are mostly different dynamics,” explains Lisa supposed to let them sink or swim?’”comes to you with Speidel says. “It’s the balance that’s Damour, a clinical psychologist at Laurel School in Shaker Heights,a problem, instead so important. Are you giving them Ohio. “You can have super- steps along the way to become thatof providing a confident adult that you clearly want demanding parents that expect a kid to manage, but the helicoptersolution, just listen— them to become? They are not going parent does not think their kid to become competent just because can manage.”and be curious.” they reach a certain age. They become What’s more, tiger parents want that confident adult because they have their children to experience hard “Consequences give our brain those experiences leading up to that, knocks, says Harvard-affiliatedinformation that says: This worked which tell them, ‘You are capable sociologist Hilary Levey Friedman,well; I want to do it again. Or: This of this.’” author of the forthcoming Playing todidn’t work at all for me; I want to Win: Raising Children in a Competi-avoid that or try something different. Here are some strategies tive Culture. “Competitive parentsThe brain actually wires itself around to get you started: recognize that no matter how great you are, you are going to face ad-these experiences,” Speidel notes. versity at some point in your life. If What’s at stake? A lot. If parents Listen (a lot) more than you you learn how to deal with that at adon’t allow teenagers to take charge suggest. When your teenager younger age, and in a safer environ-of their lives—and experience the comes to you with a problem, instead ment, that’s a good thing.”positive and negative consequences of providing a solution, just listen—of their actions—they will grow into and be curious. “So, for instance, if Reprinted with permission from Your Teen magazine. SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 17
  • 20. ADVICE FROM OUR EXPERT Why do we helicopter? Because we love our teenagers and, at times, we’re afraid for them. But, says Deborah Gilboa, MD, a.k.a. Dr. G, a Pittsburgh-area physician who also dispenses parenting advice on HuffPost Parents and Twitter, we need to get over that. Letting our teenagers stumble is just what they need.What do you think of the term “helicopter parent?” Okay, so say my teenager never gets up on timeI prefer to say “enmeshed parent.” It is honest, but not for school?as condemning. I would say, “Your ride to school leaves at this time. But I’m not going to yell anymore, because it ruins my day.”What are we doing when we’re enmeshed with our If they miss the bus, they miss the bus. However, you andteenagers? your teen must agree on the consequences if school isWe’re not building resilience. Our goal is to raise our missed. By high school, you can wait for the school to giveteenagers so they can leave us; we’re important, but consequences, but be cautious about inserting yourselftemporary. When we don’t teach our teenagers to man- between the child and the consequences. Your teenagerage problems on their own, they don’t learn resilience. may get an unexcused absence; they may have to take aAnd, if we don’t teach resilience, then we rob them of the grade hit. But, high school is a much better time to under-self-esteem that comes from learning that they are resil- stand the cost of consequences rather than in college orient, that they can solve their own problems and make at a job. I would also recommend you give your teenagertheir way in life on their own. three pieces of paper: three no-questions-asked rides to school. This can help you and your teenager ease intoSo what’s the alternative? the program.Be engaged, but not enmeshed. Listen much more thanyou give advice. I read this great article years ago where A big project is due, but my teenager is doing athe writer described how her dad responded when she terrible job. What now?came to him with a problem. He would say, “Wow, that’s When it comes to a younger teenager, I encourage par-a tough fix. I’ll be interested to see what you do about ents to think of themselves as a project manager, but notit.” And he was not being patronizing. He was saying, “I’ll an employee. You can talk to your child about timelinesbe interested to see how you solve this problem. I have and resources, but don’t do the work for them. Doingfaith in you, and I want to hear how it goes.” Listen, listen, these projects is not really about, say, learning all thelisten, so you can be engaged, but bite your tongue. Offer names of the planets in the solar system. They’re aboutadvice only a fraction of the time, even though you have learning how to manage timelines, manage frustration,the perfect piece of advice. Because the message when etc.—all the tools we need to become competent adults.you don’t offer advice is that you have faith that your And, if you do the project for them—and especially if theyteenager has some good ideas about how to fix this get a good grade—they are not going to feel good aboutproblem on his or her own. it. So, yes, let them fail if necessary. You are saying: “This is your work.” And, you let them see that one grade is not aEven if they mess up? reflection of who they are and that they have what it takesThe biggest gift we can give our teenagers is NOT to fail and recover. For an older teenager, do much less.protecting them from consequences. If your teenager is They should handle most of this on their own. Again, letgoing to get benched because of a C in math, you should them experience the consequences of their actions.not argue with the coach or the principal or the mathteacher; you should say, “How are you going to improve What about the teenager who is not handing inyour grade?” If we protect them from consequences when homework day-to-day?they are teenagers—and don’t teach them resilience— This could suggest that your teenager has an organiza-they will be shocked and betrayed by the real world. tional problem. But it could also be something else, likeWe are not doing them a good service. That’s the danger anxiety or social pressures. I always tell my patients thatof being enmeshed with our kids. We’re setting up false if they see a dramatic change in their child, that is not aexpectations for how they will be treated in every aspect time to be hands-off. So, if you see a dramatic change inof their lives. grades or their friends, then in a very non-accusatory way, sit down with your teenager and say, “You need some-That’s hard to do for enmeshed parents. thing you are not getting. There is a missing link for you,Yes, it’s hard but not impossible. It is very difficult to and we need to figure it out.” Promise yourself that youchange how you feel, but how you feel is not as important will not try to fix it in that first conversation, just be empa-as what you do. Parents can change their actions without thetic and listen. Walk away and sit with it for a few hours,changing their feelings. Change your goal from raising a then go back and say, “I’ve been thinking about what youteenager who is protected to raising one who is resilient. said.” Then, you can start a conversation about next steps. For more advice from Dr. G or to ask a follow-up question, visit her website at askdoctorg.com or tweet her @AskDocG. Reprinted with permission from Your Teen magazine.18 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 21. your daughter comes home and says, suggests. But, coaching your teenager where to start. So, here’s an idea.‘A friend is having a party, and I on what to do with language like, “Next time your blades are spinning,wasn’t invited,’ the tendency might “Here’s how to handle this,” is not ask yourself: ‘What’s the worst thatbe to say, ‘Well, are you having appropriate. could happen in this scenario?’” saystrouble with your friend? Did you do Speidel. “And, if the answer is thatsomething? Do you want me to call Start with low stakes—and your teenager ‘could be hurt, but ither mom?’ In other words, ‘How do don’t rescue your teenager seems as if they will recover,’ thenyou want me to interfere?’” explains from the consequences. allow the possibility of hurt, knowingSpeidel. “Instead, the first thing you Teaching our teenagers to fend for they can recover and do it differentlyshould do is become curious about themselves means allowing them to the next time. Every time you allowhow your child is experiencing this make their own choices and experi- your child to have a disappointmentsituation and ask, ‘I’m wondering how ence the consequences of those choic- and recover, what you’re saying is:you feel about this?’ It’s important for es. For an enmeshed parent, it can ‘You are strong. You can handle this.your child to know that the feeling is be gut-wrenching to watch teenagers And, we’ve got your back.’”hers to own, not for you to fix.” stumble, perhaps even fall, which is When our teenagers were tod- exactly what they’ve been trying to dlers, just learning to walk, we wereBe a coach. Asking questions is prevent with their hovering. happy to let them teeter, totter, andalso appropriate when it comes to Mobile, Alabama, father of three, tumble because we understood thatsupporting your teenagers through Tilmon Brown, knows this all to well. this is how children learn to walk—problems. “Parents should do a lot of “My daughter is a lost puppy. So I and eventually run. Our teenag-thoughtful coaching. For example, if have to decide: Do I let her flounder ers are not so different: They willyour teenager is having trouble with and make a mess of her life or do I wobble; they will trip; they will mosta teacher, you could ask, ‘Would it get involved and help her succeed?” certainly fall. But, if we let them dobe helpful to email your instructor?’ For those of us, like Brown, who it enough, they will also fly. LWTor ‘What’s the appropriate verbiage?’ struggle day in and day out with Reprinted with permission from Your Teen magazine.or ‘What are your goals?’” Damour being enmeshed, it’s hard to know TOP We polled our staff, readers, experts, friends, and family to bring you a TOP 13 of moments when our helicopter blades were whirling. While some may make you giggle or gasp, others may sound, well, uncomfortably familiar—proof positive of how difficult this can all be. The bottom line: if these moments are the rule in your home, and not the exception, it may be time to take a deep breath, review the tips from our experts and come in for a landing.1. Recently, I emailed about 100 adults to ask them to 8. My son had to return a book to his college’s bookstore. be mindful of their behavior during an upcoming There was a problem, so while he was standing in the store, meeting that my high schooler was also attending. he called me on his cell phone, and I talked to the manager.2. I called my daughter’s college to complain about 9. I require my teenager to take a picture on her phone and the food. text it to me, so that I know she really is where she says she is.3. I called my son’s school because he missed the deadline to return a form that would allow him to 10. I check online daily to make sure my daughter’s grades participate in an extracurricular activity. are acceptable.4. I can’t help myself. I attend my daughter’s rehears- 11. I went to my son’s school and held his spot in line to make als, take notes and then review with her the areas sure he got into an activity he wanted to sign up for. that I think need improvement. 12. I drive my daughter to school 2 – 3 days a week because5. I filled out my son’s applications for a summer job, she can’t get to the bus stop on time. and I called to schedule the interview. 13. And here’s one from the headlines. A house shared by6. I filled out my daughter’s college applications and seven Boston University students was going up in flames. helped her write the essay. Instead of dialing 911, one of the students called his parents, who in turn alerted the University’s police department.7. I called my daughter’s boss to ask for a better Reprinted with permission from Your Teen magazine. work schedule. SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 19
  • 22. Get started atKnowHow2GO.orgYou’ve got what it takes.
  • 23. COUNTDOWN-TO-COLLEGE for Juniors and Seniors s you enter your final two years of high school and start Presented by thinking about college, don’t stress. We have created this detailed checklist to keep your college application process moving along smoothly and on track. JUNIOR YEAR Thinking about college starts in your junior year. FALL WINTER SPRING SUMMER Take a challenging course load and all of the Begin researching colleges. Look into summer jobs, Request catalogs and admission classes you need to graduate. Look at websites, search internships, summer camps, information from your top-choice sites, online campus tours, and other career-inspiring schools if you haven’t already. Log on to PrincetonReview.com to register student reviews, and programs that will boost If you took the SAT/ACT for the PrincetonReview.com. your resume. Take a free practice test Attend college fairs in your to improve your scores, then Register for the PSAT in October. for the ACT and SAT to see area. It’s a great way to take a summer prep course which test you perform collect brochures and meet with The Princeton Review. Compete for the National Merit Scholarship better on. College Reps one-on-one. (www.nationalmerit.org). If practical, visit and tour the Sign up for a prep class Sign up for a prep course rest of the schools on your list. Use PrincetonReview.com and The Princeton if you are taking the early so that you are ready for the Brainstorm and outline a few Review’s book, The Best 376 Colleges, to spring exams. Go to May/June exams. essay ideas. begin your initial college search. PrincetonReview.com Register to take the SAT Schedule an appointment with Talk to your counselor and consider an or ACT. your counselor or independent for you. assessment test to explore potential Take the appropriate Subject consultant to discuss your careers you might like. Investigate scholarship and Tests (if needed) and AP college plans. Tests. The Princeton Review Create a binder to keep all of Get involved in the community, school Make a list of colleges offers courses for both. activities, and clubs. Track your volunteer hours your information and application that you might like to visit Visit the schools on your list. forms organized and neat. and add these experiences to your applications. and prepare questions for Explore the campus, its fa- Start your applications before Work on improving your vocabulary — upcoming tours. cilities, and what makes each the stresses of senior year kick it will help you on the SAT! particular college unique. into full gear.PULL OUT AND HANG ON YOUR WALL TURN FOR MORE
  • 24. SENIOR YEAR It’s your last year of school! Now’s the time to complete your college quest. SEPTEMBER APRIL Decide which colleges to apply to. Include schools that you believe will accept you, as well as some “reach” schools. If you are added to a waiting list, notify the college or university if Contact The Princeton Review to discuss the College Admissions you are still interested, and ask them if there’s anything you can Consulting program. do to better your chances of being accepted. Work on completing your college applications. Find out if your target colleges accept the Common Application or form and deposit. You’ll be off to college in the fall! Universal College Application, which can be submitted online. so they can offer Decide if you will apply for early decision to your top-choice schools. enrollment to other students. Start the framework for your college essays. Participate in a Princeton Review Financial Aid Seminar. Ask teachers, counselors, or employers to write recommendation letters. MAY Take any AP exams that you’ve registered for and make sure your scores are sent to your college. OCTOBER Write and send thank-you notes to all involved in the college Take the SAT/ACT. process including your counselor, teachers, and those who’ve written you personal recommendations. Let them know where Continue completing your applications. Submit early decisions. you will be going to school! Fine-tune your college essays. Have them proofread for content and grammar. Double check on any deadlines and last-minute paperwork necessary to attend your college of choice. Plan to attend a summer orientation at your college. NOVEMBER/DECEMBER Submit your completed college applications and essays. JUNE Check to see if your recommendation letters have been mailed. . Search for scholarship opportunities. Complete any last minute paperwork required for your school. Obtain a copy of FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) for your parents or guardians. Plan your transition and exciting move to campus. Look for early decision acceptance letters from schools. Graduate high school!
  • 25. JANUARYFile for the FAFSA as soon as you can after January 1.Make sure that the colleges you applied to in December have receivedyour completed application.Ask your counselor to send your mid-year grades to the colleges oruniversities that require them. if youhaven’t submitted it yet.Check the policies on the College Level Examination Program (CLEP) testsat the schools you may attend. These tests can earn you college creditsin certain subjects. FEBRUARYIf you haven’t done so already, submit your FAFSA.Deadline is February 15th.If you have submitted a FAFSA and you have not received yourStudent Aid Report (SAR) within a month, speak to your counseloror contact the Federal Student Aid Information Center directly.and any initial required documents. MARCHIf you are taking any Advanced Placement courses, ask yourteacher or counselor how to prepare and when to take theAP exams.Continue searching for scholarships that will help reduceyour tuition expenses. NOW... OFF TO COLLEGE!Keep an eye out for admission decisions from colleges —and any additional information schools may request. TURN FOR MORE
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  • 27. VOLUNTEER SPOTLIGHT Does Your Teen Want to Be a Samariteen? BY L ESLI AM O S “It provides a space for callers to able lessons she will take from Samari- have direct and honest communication teens are summed up in two quotes. with someone their age who will respect One is, “To the world, you may be one and listen to what they’ve been going person—but to one person, you may be through,” continues Baum. the world.” The other is the Samaritans’ There is no better way to understand tagline: “You are not alone!” the impact of Samariteens than by meet- The most rewarding part of the Sa- ing one of the 64 active teen volunteers. mariteens experience varies by volunteer, Jess Kruger (16), a junior at Fram- but Baum maintains that volunteers are ingham High who handles several making real differences in callers’ lives. 3:00–9:00 p.m. shifts per week, offers a “Our teen volunteers speak with Jess Kruger, teen perspective. As a teen who person- individuals who are experiencing some junior at ally conquered her own struggles with very difficult situations. That said, it’s an Framingham mental illness, Kruger believes she “was incredibly meaningful experience where High School meant to be a Samariteen.” teens are directly providing help to those Kruger explains, “Obviously each who are in great need,” adds Baum. he teen years can be extremely dif- caller’s situation is different; we are Samaritans has other volunteer op-ficult with pressures from school, home, trained to intently listen, not to offer portunities as well. Teens can participatefriends, and media, along with rapid advice. But it is an incredible feeling to in events like the 5K Walk/Run to raisebiological changes. For many, it is often be on the other end of the phone when awareness about suicide and prevention,too much to bear. In these dire circum- someone really needs me.” or the annual Make Noise to Save a Lifestances, parents and teens are extremely Being a Samariteen offers benefits fundraiser.fortunate to have organizations like on both ends of the phone line. Follow- For teens who believe in the powerSamaritans (www.samaritans.org) with up calls from teens formerly in crisis of caring for others, who want real worlda mission to help reduce teen suicide: a reassure that the program works—and experience in the mental or public healthvery real—and serious—problem today. that meaningful peer relationships are fields and the opportunity to make an In a recent interview with Nate imperative to recovery. On the listening immediate difference, the Samaritans’Baum, the Youth Services Manager of end, Kruger notes that her interpersonal Samariteens program is an ideal fit.the Samaritans’ Samariteens Program, and active listening skills have flourished Samariteens accepts volunteers agesI was reminded that suicide is the third as well as her own self-worth. “I am a 15 - 19, and requires a nine-month com-leading cause of death for people ages 15 more patient and understanding person. mitment for the helpline. Teens can signto 24. Although I had heard that statistic I may even explore the field of psychol- up online at samaritanshope.org/volun-before, it has only now truly resonated. ogy down the line,” remarks Kruger. teer, or call (617) 536-2460 for Boston or Along with extensive community Kruger explains that the most valu- (508) 872-1780 for Framingham. LWTeducation and outreach to help youngpeople who are depressed or suicidal, thecore of the Samariteens Program is the“teen to teen” helpline: (800) 252-TEENand the IMHear instant messaging pro- “TO THE WORLD,gram, which allow teens to confide their YOU MAY BE ONEfeelings to a peer. PERSON—BUT TO Baum explains, “Our helpline volun-teers use a technique called ‘befriending’ ONE PERSON, YOUas a way to actively listen and offer sup- MAY BE THE WORLD.”port for callers, without giving advice or Samariteens answering calls for the helpline.passing judgment.” SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 25
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  • 29. CONNECTWhy Hire an talented athlete joins the football team at a prominent Ivy League. A “late-to-bloom” graduate attends a major liberal arts schoolIndependent by means of community college first. A budding diplomat finds the perfect academic curriculum at a university in D.C. And a student with learning Consultant? challenges moves from discouragement to a college that meets specific needs. Apart from being successes, all of these high school students have one other thing in common: they each hired an independent educational consultant (IEC) toAn objective professional can match them with the perfect school—a college that was exactly what they were looking for. pay off in many ways So, what does an IEC exactly do that parents, college-bound teens, and sometimes time-constrained school counselors can’t or don’t? Mark Sklarow, executive director of the Indepen- dent Educational Consultants Association (IECA, www. iecaonline.org), the nation’s leading professional organi- B Y J IM P A T ER SO N zation for independent educational consultants working in private practice, says, “there are a variety of ways SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 27
  • 30. consultants can help throughout the “Working with me means that confusing and high-stakes process of students will learn a great deal about choosing a college—by not only sav- themselves and what they want/need Just as you want to find ing families time and money, but by at this moment in their lives.” the best-fit college for your getting students to think about their She notes that almost half ofteen, you will also want to find interests, as well as the vast array of college freshmen don’t return forthe best IEC to help you. Here options they have. A consultant can their sophomore year. A good IEC are some tips on selecting also recommend different career paths can increase a student’s odds of find- an Independent Educational and rethink preconceived notions ing the right fit.Consultant, according to Mark about a school.” Rabe says she keeps track of de- Sklarow, executive director of Sklarow continues, “Typically, tails such as “whether the labs are up- the Independent Educational a consultant has the benefit of more dated, the career center is well-staffed, Consultants Association. time to research colleges compared to construction projects have stalled, school counselors. IECs use that time the new workout facility is complete, to find a school where a student will or there are internships or research thrive.” options.” Families are often over-• The IEC you hire should be Lucia Tyler, a college consultant- whelmed by the information about approachable and work easily from Trumansburg, NY, explains, the academics, costs, and environment with the personality of your “In today’s rapidly changing environ- at various schools, but a consultant family and your student. Each ment, families value up-to-date advice can help manage the information. consultant has a different ap- proach and different expertise, on selectivity, applications, scholar- “Also, family and student and should understand exactly ships, programs, and facilities.” opinions can be strongly held, and a what your family needs. Tyler explains, “The public consultant can provide an objective schools often have a tough time keep- voice—and being less close to the• Select a person who does a lot ing up with the tsunami of informa- situation, can observe student inter- of college visits and is current tion coming from colleges.” ests, skills, or personality traits, and on the best information and “IECs consolidate information be impartial,” Rabe explains. trainings. to save time and frustration—and can Students often appreciate that• Keep an open mind about the provide specific data on other topics, other voice. Rabe says, “In an age information a consultant pro- such as unusual majors, special needs, when everyone gets a trophy for vides, even if it doesn’t fit your or unexpected family or personal showing up, it can be helpful—and preconceived notions. circumstances,” adds Tyler. sometimes a huge relief—to have an Tyler also notes that beyond educational consultant who is passion-• Don’t assume that the IEC the data and paperwork, IECs are ate about excellence.” needs to have worked as a high concerned about the student, “A In conclusion, Rabe states, school counselor or in a college admissions office. major reason for students leaving “Family savings go up in smoke and school is a mismatch. When consul- often times students are facing debt• Find an IEC who is interested in tants tour, they pay attention to the that has not moved them very close to the right fit and not just “get- types of students who attend and the a diploma, much less a career. Making ting your teen in.” activities that are deemed important a mistake with college choice can be so they can help their clients with that very expensive. I know dollars and• Look for someone who makes information.” cents matter. But saving my families the student responsible. Luisa Rabe, a partner at Pru- Pruett money isn’t what makes me jump• Meet several consultants when ett Rabe Associates, educational con- Rabe Associates, an an educational out of bed in the morning. Instead, your teen is a freshman or consulting firm in Haverford, believes sultingfirm in Haverford, PA PA be- it’s the possibilities for a successful sophomore, so you can start lieves that have extensive experience, that IECs IECs have extensive expe- student experience.” working with your choice IEC rience, having touredcampuses and having toured many many campuses Despite the frustration the college right at the beginning of their and gone through process withwith gone through the the process many search process can entail for both par- junior year. many students. She visits about about other other students. She visits 50 ents and college-bound teens, there• Make sure your consultant 50 campuses a year andconstantly campuses a year and is is constantly are plenty of success stories in which works an average of 20 hours updating her knowledge base. students find the right match. And with you and your student to “What matters to me and what in many cases, hiring an independent keep the college admissions I think matters most to my families educational consultant helped lead process on track. are possibilities,” says Luisa Rabe. the way. LWT28 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 31. HEALTH & WELLNESS Media Literacy 101 Fortifying Teens’ Media Diets BY KI M BER L Y W O L F, M . E D. mart phones. Video games. Tablets. Laptops. with organizations like MissRepresentation.org and Desktops. Magazines. Books. TV. Movies. DoSomething.org promoting healthier content and tech- Newspapers. Radio. You name the sources; nological interaction for young people, much of the media the chances are your teen is consuming adored by teens is full of unrealistic body images, gender content from most or all of them on a weekly stereotypes, focus on material possessions, and incompletebasis. According to Generation M2: Media in the Lives representations of health and wellness. With this makeupof 8- to 18-Year-Olds, a 2010 study by the Kaiser Family and the time that teens spend with media, the potentialFoundation, American teens spend over 7.5 hours using negative effects are many. Social withdrawal, under-media each day, and because of time spent multitasking, developed conversation skills, poor sleep, issues withthey consume over 10.5 hours of media content within body image, and weight problems are just a few.that timeframe. For generations, parents have briefed their teens Media provides sources of entertainment, social on the dangers associated with sex, drinking, drugs,interaction, and education. Teens love it. And now more and driving. Today’s parents should be adding mediathan ever, media has tremendous influence over them. It to their list of topics.helps shape their self-concepts, how they understand the If you want to help your teen navigate today’s mediaworld and their places within it. landscape in a healthy way, I suggest a multi-faceted While a “healthy media” movement is on the rise approached. SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 29
  • 32. Educate yourself. With media use on the rise and more studies about media’s negative influence on the teen demographic, many organi- zations are actually taking the initia- tive to educate adults about “healthy media diets.” CommonSenseMedia. org—run by James Styer, a Stanford professor, lawyer, and media execu- tive—has media reviews, parenting Substance Abuse tips, and a customizable newsletter. Model healthy media Treatment for Teens behaviors. CommonSenseMedia. org encourages parents to “set an Clinical expertise in substance abuse example by using media the way and psychiatric illness you want [your kids] to use it. Don’t bring your phone to the dinner table, Strong support for parents and turn the television off when it’s not actively being watched.” Peaceful residential setting near Boston Limit teens’ media exposure (when possible). Generation M2 points out the numerous decisions parents make in creating a “media environment” for their teens. You may not be able to control your teen’s media exposure beyond your home, but simple deci- sions like banning TV, computers, and smart phones from your child’s bedroom move the dial when it comes to reducing media intake. Teach media safety. Make your teens aware of media’s down- falls and how they affect all people, not just youth. Talk to them about recent studies or statistics about media use, and refer to their favorite shows or magazines as jumping off points for discussions around negative or inaccurate imagery and messaging. The influence of media on American teens can’t be discount- ed—and it doesn’t look like teens will be losing interest in media any time soon. The good news is that McLean Hospital is the largest psychiatric affiliate of Harvard Medical School today’s parents have the opportunity and a member of Partners HealthCare. to foster responsible media habits in www.mcleanlanding.org :: 877.412.3445 teens, which will help them enjoy mcleanlanding@mclean.harvard.edu media’s benefits in more positive, healthy ways. LWT30 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 33. VIEW POINTSThe Dreaded “D” WordIT IS NO SURPRISE THAT DIVORCE IS DIFFICULTFOR ALL INVOLVED, BUT WE HOPE THESE PERSONALSTORIES AND EXPERT ADVICE SHED SOME LIGHT ONHOW FAMILIES CAN PERSEVERE.Reprinted with permission from Your Teen magazine. SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 31
  • 34. www.tec-coop.org PA RENT JEN N I N EWMA N INTERNSHIP PROGRAM “W hen I got divorced, my kids were 14, 10, and 6. It was a painful time for all of us, but I thought that I was prepared for every- thing that would accompany this difficult decision. And to some extent Internships  offered  during:   I was. I knew how to handle most things that would change our lives summer  months from a two-parent household to a single-parent household. Once the divorce was final my kids and I began working together to move the  academic  year forward into a new schedule for all of us. The new challenges that I was not prepared for came when I began after  school  hours   dating. Dating at 41 was very different than dating in my twenties. the  school  day For starters, meeting single men was not the same as it was when I was younger. And before I got married, I only had to worry about my post  secondary/   parents; now I had to worry about my kids. Of course I could not dictate what my ex would share with my kids, gap  year but I decided that I would not discuss dating with my kids unless it became serious. I had a few dates shortly after my divorce was final, enough to learn that there were any number of strange men I wouldn’t “Together  we   go out with again, let alone introduce to my kids. But when you go out as a single parent you have to decide what to tell your kids about where create  more   you are going. Plus, I also knew that I needed to be more responsible about dating and late nights than when I was younger; my teenagers possibilites” would be learning from my example. One evening after a coffee date, I got home much later then I had originally planned to find my daughter waiting for me with a look of disdain. She said, “You cannot expect me to call you when I am going to be late, if you do not do the same for me.” Suddenly my daughter became the mother and I became the child. That was quite a reality Find us on check, and to some extent, she was right. So moving forward, I made Facebook sure to set the right example in my dating life. TEC Interns What also became clear to me was the change in how my children would see me and how I would see myself. I would always be a parent, but how do you balance that with also being a woman? Not so simple. Whatever decision I made could be the wrong one. Follow us on: This became abundantly clear when I met the right man a year after my divorce. It was certainly difficult to introduce him to my two sons, twitter but the real challenge was introducing him to my teenage daughter. TEC Internships She was less than amused at the prospect of meeting him. I was not sure why, but it was a difficult first meeting. Over time, I learned that her discomfort about meeting him was Visit  our  website   connected to her fear of more changes in her life. At that point, I un- for  more  information.   derstood that the biggest anxiety in divorce is the fear of change. And Contact  Sherri  Sigel  at   no matter what, change was always going to be in the air. And kids will ssigel@tec-­coop.org learn how to adjust.”32 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 35. their rooms or watch TV in the den (while doing their best to ignore me), I just tell them that their presence is important to me. Nothing can replace face-to-face interactions with my teen- age daughters. Although I work in social media for a living, I never communicate with them through social media. I oc- PAREN T casionally check Facebook to see what they are doing, but the last thing they want is their dad communicating with them in a TED visible format. When necessary, I send texts. And of course, I RUBIN call them. Although they rarely check email, I always send one before I fly to tell them I love them, so they will always know. Our most important moments are in person, when I am truly “W paying attention and being involved in what they do. Due to my work in social media marketing, I’ve built deep, ith divorce, most dads are not the custodial rewarding relationships with many mom bloggers. Becauseparent, and therefore, the dad has little or no control over the I reveal my status as a divorced dad of teenage girls, momsdaily decisions. For many reasons, dads may allow the mom share valuable advice that I hope has made me a better, moreto be the custodial parent due to financial necessity and lack of sensitive and insightful dad. I have been asked, “If you had justcomfort with being the primary caretaker. Often attorneys and one hour with your girls, what would you do?” At this point,psychologists advise this traditional route. I would choose anything that I could do “with” them. When I believe that dads should do whatever it takes to get full they were young, and I had a real choice, I would choose swim-joint legal and physical custody, even if equal splitting of time ming because it was so interactive. Now, I make myself avail-means not having a “primary” home. Many psychologists able when any opportunity presents itself.advise against this and recommend that the child should have Being an involved dad has changed my life. Everything Ia primary residence, but I disagree. Don’t be left out of your do is all about what I can do for my kids and how I can makekids’ lives. Step up and commit to being available for your chil- the world and their lives better. In business, I preach about thedren right from the beginning. Be a steady influence in their importance of relationships. I hope to pass this legacy on to mylives so that when they are teens, and they pull away for their girls: It’s All About Relationships.own reasons, you remain a constant enduring presence. My dreams have changed because of being a dad. My I learned that no matter what it took, I needed to stay in- dream day now is skiing with my girls and having them trulyvolved and be a steady presence. When my daughters got older want to be physically on the slopes with me, just like whenand their feelings grew more complicated than a simple ‘I love they were younger. I want my daughters to know that I lovemy Daddy no matter what,” parenting became much more dif- them unconditionally. And my hope for them is to make aficult. But, no matter what, I stayed present. Now, when they difference in the lives of others, even if only with a smile andask why they have to be at my house when all they do is stay in kindness.” Commit to being available for your children right from the beginning. “D ivorce does not always have to be a bad thing. While it can be very upsetting and challenging, attitude can make a big difference. When I was in seventh grade, my par- ents separated, and my mom moved out shortly afterwards. At first it was hard to bear, but then I got used to my living situation, and now I cannot imagine living any other way. It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon, and I was about to TEEN go over to a friend’s house when my parents sat my siblings ANNIE and me down at the kitchen table. They seemed uncomfort- able, and I knew something wasn’t right, but I tried to stay CART ER optimistic. Hesitantly, they announced that they were get- ting a divorce and that at the end of the school year, my mom SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 33
  • 36. PROFESSIONAL ADVICE: By Dr. Amy Lee, Pediatric Psychologist at the Center for Pediatric Behavioral Health, Cleveland Clinic Children’s Hospital Reprinted with permission from Your Teen magazine. “A many families. When pain and conflict are too chal- lenging for mediation, collaborative-minded attorneys for each parent can work together to resolve conflicts s these per- around parenting. sonal stories illustrate, divorce is a complex and painful experience. Children live through so many emotions over Parents also eventually need to move on to de- the changes divorce brings to their lives: loss, conflict, velop new relationships. Some parents might re-enter anxiety, and sadness. Parents suffer similarly, and for all the dating world, and some might even remarry. The involved, these feelings can change over time. needs of the children involved become very important here as well. Parents should care for their relationships Despite the challenges, parents can reduce tension with their children during and after divorce. Continu- by helping their kids experience their own adjustment ing to communicate with teens about their feelings without involving them in the spousal conflict. Two fac- and the changes in the family is critical. tors that protect kids through divorce are consistent, loving relationships with their parents and protection Parents may find it best to share their plans to from parents’ emotional conflicts. As the teens point begin dating before introducing their kids to anyone out, many kids find their own form of resilience and new. A child who is unable to discuss a parent’s dating forgiveness, but parents make the road easier when they is probably not ready to meet a parent’s new friend, manage their own emotions, take a child-centered but when the child is ready, introduce the new person approach to the divorce process, and seek collaborative gradually and according to the child’s needs. ways to negotiate with their ex-spouse. Although divorce is always difficult, it can result in Teens navigating divorce will often use resources new and healthy family relationships. Parents can find outside of their immediate family for support, turning ways to navigate the process collaboratively if they to supportive friends, coaches, therapists, or teachers place their children’s needs at the forefront. Children who can offer understanding and validation. Children of can emerge from the divorce experience resilient and all ages may feel the need to protect their parents from able to cope with challenges that they will encounter their emotions; so having healthy outlets for expressing in their own relationships.” their grief, anger, and sadness can relieve a great burden. Some teens might not work through their personal experience by talking about their adjustment. For these teens, involvement with friends and activities may be more helpful. Regardless of the path chosen, protecting teens from their parents’ emotional conflicts frees them to sort out their personal feelings about the changes in their family. Parents can learn to let go of their anger, hurt, disappointment, and sadness by allowing themselves to grieve as well. Parents should seek guidance with a trained professional if it becomes too difficult to manage alone. As the legal system can be inherently adversarial, it is also important for parents to seek legal advice that is more collaborative in nature. Mediation or a newer form of collaborative law may be the best option for34 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 37. would move out. I was shocked; I hadn’t seen itcoming. Sure, they fought sometimes,but I knew most parents fought onetime or another. I managed to keep ittogether downstairs, but when I wasback in my room the tears came like aflood. I called my friend immediately,but I was crying too hard to even getthe words out. The next day at school,I told more of my friends. They wereall very supportive, and by the end ofthe day, I was already feeling muchbetter. The rest of the school year issort of a blur to me—I don’t remem-ber much. As soon as school ended mymom moved out. All of a sudden, the situationbecame very real. I had two houses,two rooms, and two separate families.While the change was difficult to getused to, I soon realized I didn’t haveit nearly as bad as some other kidswith divorced parents. First of all, mymom’s job forced her to travel a lot,so I was already somewhat used to notbeing with both parents all the time.For at least the past year, my momhad been out of town for roughly halfof the week, so it didn’t feel unnaturalnot to be with both of my parents forthe entire week. Transitioning between the twohouses was more of a challenge, butmy mom moved only two blocks downthe street from my dad, so it was fairlymanageable. My parents have also maintaineda very civil relationship to this day;they’re not like some divorced couples mer Studiowho refuse to even speak to each Pre-College Sum Artsother. The more I looked at my situ- Bachelor of Fine ma All-Studio Diploation from a larger perspective, themore I realized how fortunate I was. ree Overall, I have come out with a Dual Degrelatively positive outlook on my ex-perience. While the changes that came Talk to us aboutwith my parents’ divorce were hard scheduling a visit.to accept at first, I came to realize thateven tough situations can still turn out Admissionsall right. 230 The Fenway, I have been lucky enough to main- Boston, MA 02115tain good relationships with both admissions@smfa.eduparents, and the good relationship 617-369-3626they maintained with each other madethe transition easier on my siblingsand me. In the end, I have learned thatin situations such as this, I could dwellon how life could be, or accept how itis, and make the best of it.” SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 35
  • 38. The Bonus Parent BY TAM I B UTCH ER Reprinted with permission from Your Teen magazine. y 14-year-old fresh- no visitation fights; we saw Mom when President. Bonus Mom Nancy was a man daughter we wanted and Dad when we wanted. stay-at-home mom who taught us the enjoyed her first No this weekend here, that Wednes- meaning of a handwritten card versus homecoming this day there. We lived in both houses and an email or text message. Mom took us fall. On the big night, they never talked badly about each to banquets for senators; Nancy took she was giddy, so ex- other around us. We actually thought us to book signings and plays. Takingcited, and to top it off, the boy of her they were still best of friends. They set the great from both ladies, my sistersdreams asked her to go. I had forgot- their egos aside. It was obvious that and I became strong, independentten those feelings until now. For me, they were committed to making our leaders in high school, who ran forit was a flashback to that special time lives easier, and it worked. Student Council but sat with theduring my own teen years. She walked person at lunch who was eating alone.down the stairs to a veritable sea of Mom remarried Ken. I found it dif- Both women molded us into theeyes— two grandparents, two bonus ficult to love him at first because I felt people we are today and shapedgrandparents, one sister, one brother, guilty; I loved my dad so much. Ken how we raise our children.neighbors, my husband, and myself. understood and told us he was not our dad, and that he could never replace That’s why I am the luckiest per- This was one of those moments I our dad. son in the world. I grew up with a bo-had talked about with my kids. I always nus family, with all its bonus benefitstold them how lucky they were to have He just wanted to fill the parental that trickle down into the balancedso much family to help them celebrate void when our dad was not around. environment I try to provide for mythose moments in life. Watching my This communication was so important. teenage kids.daughter’s four grandparents—my ownmom and dad, plus my bonus mom Dad met Nancy when I was 14. While most children of divorce(father’s wife) and bonus dad (moth- She was nothing like Mom. Mom was have memories of sorrow and a senseer’s husband)—relish in the joy of her a businesswoman, savvy and sleek. of loss, I am the opposite.first homecoming, I felt that she was Nancy loved the outdoors, animals,so lucky to have so many people who and a great book. I loved her immedi- People think my life is unrealistic.loved her so much. And, I realized then ately. She exuded warmth to everyone I think anger and bitterness are a statethat I was also lucky, for as unorthodox she met. Nancy made it clear she was of mind that we can change at anyand rare as my upbringing may seem here to love our dad and us, not to time. My upbringing showed me thatto others, it was a gift to me. replace Mom. I believe that once both I am in control of my own destiny and my parents found happiness, life got happiness, nobody else. My parents Surely this sounds strange. Yes, much better for everyone. put their children first; their selfless-my 11-year-old life was turned upside ness made me a better person. I amdown when my parents got divorced, My mom never felt threatened by grateful for the many “bonuses” in mybut I can now describe this as “lucky” Nancy; she felt relief—relief that when life and that I can pass them along asbecause I know that my parents were she was called into work, Nancy could gifts to my own children.not happy together. Some people are cheer us on at our softball games,just not meant to be. They married relief that when State Legislative ses-young and had three children under sions fell into days with no breaks,the age of three by the time they were Nancy had an eye on her teenage girls,21 years old. They could have been un- making sure they were staying out ofhappy for years, filtering that unhappi- trouble and the boys were standingness down to my two younger sisters clear. The gaps of a working motherand me, making all our lives miserable. were filled in by the love of a stay-at-Instead, they broke ties early and let home bonus mom, and we appreciatedeveryone get on with our lives. and noticed it. My parents made a commitment Mom was a successful business-to make the divorce as easy as pos- woman who taught us how to fill outsible, especially for us girls. There were a resume and run for Student BodyTami Butcher, the author of My Bonus Mom! Taking the Step out of Stepmom, and her husband,Mike, have three children—ages 7, 10, and 14. For more information, go to www.mybonusmombook.com.36 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 39. night, I saw my mom pack up all of my father’s things and give them to one of his friends to take to him. After my father officially moved out of our house, he filed TEEN the divorce proposal, and the three-year court battle began. MORGAN As the weeks played out, I saw my mom go to court over the things that she needed to take care of us that my father was T HOMAS trying to deny her. “D The whole process seemed endless, and as I watched it unfold, I saw my father put more challenges in front of my ivorce was never real to me until my parents were mom. My mom wasn’t fighting for everything my dad ownedactually filing. This experience solidified divorce in my world as or anything absurd, she was simply fighting for what shesomething that can be both liberating and limiting. Divorce breaks needed to pay for health insurance, doctors and orthodontistthe chains that hold people back from what they truly want, while appointments, and other basic needs.creating new burdens that hadn’t existed before the break. In the end, my mom was able to obtain the legal agreement When I first found out about my parents’ problems, which that my father couldn’t run off and leave her to care for allmainly were caused by my father’s affair, I was devastated and just three of us without his just contribution. However, that stillshut down. I don’t know what I had expected to happen, but I only hasn’t stopped him from trying to evade his responsibilitieshoped that it was best for them both. They went to counseling, and even now.I saw my mom really try to work things out, but this effort was in I cannot truly say that I’m not mad at my Dad for whatvain due to my father’s perception that he’d done nothing wrong. he’s done to my family, but I can say that I have forgiven himOnce I realized his lack of remorse, I couldn’t hold back all of the and moved on, despite all the pain he still causes me with hisanger I felt towards him. actions and attitudes. Even when things are really hard to Throughout the whole divorce process, I felt hurt and sick- deal with, I am thankful that my family is blessed enough inened by him. He continued to be self-righteous, and sadly, on the the simplest of ways. Even now that my family is small andFourth of July, his affair, which we thought he had put to rest, was broken, the peace that comes with the separation is somethingfully exposed as we returned home from a baseball game. That that would have never happened without the divorce.” WHAT IS YOUR CHILD DOING NEXT SUMMER TO STAND OUT FOR COLLEGE? Give your child a competitive edge for college acceptance at a People to People Leadership Summit. On the campuses of prestigious universities they can gain valuable leadership skills, interact with motivated students from around the globe, hear firsthand from experts at the top of their fields, and have a fantastic time along the way. LEADERSHIP SUMMIT LEADERSHIP IN ACTION SPOTLIGHT: Harvard University Yale University July 28 – August 3, 2013 ADDITIONAL PEOPLE TO PEOPLE LEADERSHIP SUMMITS: PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY Washington, D.C. Columbia University and The George Washington University SERVICE IN ACTION Tulane University FILM AND THE ARTS UCLA TECHNOLOGY Stanford University BUSINESS AND ENTREPRENEURSHIP University of Chicago MEDICINE AND HEALTH CARE Johns Hopkins University Apply today at P2PLeadershipSummits.com SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 37
  • 40. S P E C I A L P R O M OT I O N The Camp-College Connection HOW OVERNIGHT CAMP PREPARES TEENS FOR COLLEGE By Lucy Norvell of the American Camp Association, New England A teen’s first experience living away from home builds a tremendous foundation for the transition to college. Summer Camps are intentional communities that are not only designed to foster optimal youth development, but also provide opportunities for personal growth in a fun, safe, and educational environment.Of course, there are many benefits to attending a struc- camps provide authentic and meaningful decision-tured camp program at any age, but here are four key making opportunities for teens. All of these ma-ways they help teens prep for campus life: jor—and minor—choices can be precursors to the types of decisions college students face. Separation—Whether the session length is two weeks or the entire summer, overnight camp provides a trial Collaboration—21st century skills are vital for teens separation from parents. In many cases, campers will to be productive members of society and the be living away from home for the first time, which workforce today. The ability to collaborate with can be a big step for many teens. This trial period people who may come from very different back- can alleviate much of the emotional stress faced by grounds is just one of those skills. Living, playing, freshmen “leaving the nest” and beginning their first learning, and working together at summer camp year of college. provides excellent groundwork for group academic assignments that have become increasingly more Independence—It’s certainly a long journey from prevalent at college. birth to full-blown independence. At camp, young people are charged with taking care of themselves The Camp-College connection is significant. The “learn- and their belongings. In addition, they must organize ing by doing” that summer programs offer is instru- their day-to-day activities and manage their personal mental in helping teens navigate college—and beyond! relationships with peers. Simply put, the camp expe- rience is all about youth independence, which makes To find a camp using the ACA’s online camp search tool for an easier transition to college. Your son or daugh- and read more about why every child deserves a camp ter will arrive at college with tried and true systems experience, visit www.campparents.org. for not only managing their schedules and lifestyle, but also for getting along with others. And learning how to navigate emotional and social issues at camp is valuable groundwork for college friendships. Individual Decision-Making—Campers have to make both large and small decisions, and then deal with Lucy Norvell is the Director of Public Information for the American Camp the consequences of these decisions. From the Association, New England, a 501(c)(3) organization that serves as the power to choose an elective activity (for example, leading source for summer camp information and resources in CT, MA, ME, whether to try something new or stick with a favorite NH, RI, and VT. Contact www.acanewengland.org to discover how to find hobby) or the ability to create a menu for the day, the best-fit camp for your teen.38 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 41. DIRECTORYCategories SMART TRACK™ TOOLKIT’S DINING O U T COLLEGE ADMISSIONS BOOTCAMPWe are pleased to provide you with UNO CHICAGO GRILL The Smart Track™ Toolkit helps higha comprehensive Directory of local school families with the entire college Uno Chicago Grill has been a favoriteand national programs, schools, admissions and planning process. Students for delicious pizza, but we do so muchcolleges, and regional services and will leave the Bootcamp with a completed more! Uno is proud to support local admissions essay, list of schools, financial communities with our Dough Rai$ersbusinesses that meet the needs of aid strategies, a head start on the rest fundraising program for non-profits. Tofamilies with teens. date, we’ve donated more than $4 million of their peers, and more! Contact: Jay Robie, (508) 533-3055 x277, dollars! Host an event at your local UnoCollege Resources and earn up to 20% of sales generated from jay.robie@smarttracktoolkit.comColleges Location: Babson College, MA guests to support your cause. Call today and www.smarttracktoolkit.com/bootcamp start making money for your organization!Dining Out Contact: Nami Zylbersztajn, (516) 504-8649, nami.zylber@unos.comHealth Services Locations: 25 Unos locations inIndependent Advisors CO L L E G E S Greater Boston www.unos.comIndependent Schools BERKLEE COLLEGE OF MUSICLocal Programs & Classes Berklee College of Music was founded onOvernight Summer & the revolutionary principal that the best H E ALT H S E RVICE S Gap Year Programs way to prepare students for careers in music is through the study and practiceRecreation & Entertainment THE LANDING AT MCLEAN of contemporary music. Contact: Admissions Office, (800) 237-5533, HOSPITALShopping admissions@berklee.edu The Landing at McLean Hospital is a four-Tutoring & Test Prep Location: Boston, MA to six-week residential treatment program www.berklee.edu for adolescents (up to age 19) struggling with substance abuse and psychiatric illness. COL L E G E RE SOU R C E S Individuals are treated by expert Harvard ITHACA COLLEGE SCHOOL affiliated clinical staff.AMERICAN COUNCIL ON OF MUSIC Contact: (877) 412-3445, Since its founding in 1892 as a conserva- mcleanlanding@mclean.harvard.eduEDUCATION (ACE) tory, the Ithaca College School of Music Location: Belmont, MAACE is the only higher education organiza- www.mcleanlanding.org has earned the reputation as one of the besttion that represents presidents and chancel- in the nation. It offers world-class faculty,lors of all types of U.S. accredited, degree- performance opportunities, updated facilities,granting institutions: community colleges liberal arts courses, and career placement.and four-year institutions, private and Contact: Thomas Kline, Director of INDE PE NDE N T ADV IS O RSpublic universities, and non-profit and Music Admissions, (607) 274-3171,for-profit colleges. music@ithaca.eduContact: Carolyn Stanek Lucy, ACADEMIC LIFE COACHING Location: Ithaca, NYAssociate Director, National Initiatives, www.ithaca.edu/music Individually tailored for each teen, this(202) 939-9358, cstaneklucy@acenet.eduLocation: Washington, D.C. one-on-one life coaching program empow-www.acenet.edu ers students with a set of skills and tools to SCHOOL OF THE MUSEUM OF help them become academically efficient, FINE ARTS, BOSTON (SMFA) emotionally self-aware, and personallyCITIZENS BANK confident. One of only three art schools in the U.S. af- Contact: Gina Halsted, (781) 258-9085,Citizens Bank is committed to making filiated with a major museum—the Museumeducation affordable by offering banking ghalsted@comcast.net of Fine Arts, Boston—the SMFA’s mission Location: Lincoln, MAand borrowing products that help college is to provide an interdisciplinary fine artsstudents finance their education. Our TruFit www.alcteen.com education that values cultural, artistic, andStudent Loan® is available with a fixed or intellectual diversity.variable rate option, and repayment options Contact: Admissions Office, (800) 643-6078to best fit a student’s needs. or (617) 369-3626, admissions@smfa.eduContact: Education Finance Specialists, Location: Boston, MA(800) 708-6684, TURN PAGE FOR www.smfa.edueducationfinance@citizensbank.com MORE LISTINGS!www.citizensbank.com/trufitstudentloan SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 39
  • 42. DIRECTORYAMG EDUCATIONAL POPP & ASSOCIATES, LLC BOSTON ARCHITECTURALCONSULTANTS Popp & Associates provides expert admis- COLLEGE SUMMER ACADEMYCounseling in college and independent sions guidance to college-bound students of Spend four weeks this summer exploringschool placement since 1988, Andrea all ages. We are committed to supporting architecture and design through hands-onGlovsky has successfully helped hundreds students and families in a sensitive and hon- projects in the Boston Architectural Collegeof students by matching their interests and est manner, and personalize our services to design studios in Boston’s Back Bay.abilities to the most appropriate school. address students’ individual needs and goals. Construct scale models and experimentGuidance is provided face-to-face or elec- Contact: Mindy Popp, (781) 859-9116, with a wide range of materials andtronically by a combination of phone, email, mpopp@poppandassociates.com design methods.and Skype. Local, regional, and interna- Location: Wellesley Hills, MA Contact: Nadine Gerdts or Jennie Pardoe,tional clients served. www.poppandassociates.com (617) 585-0101, summer@the-bac.eduContact: Andrea Glovsky, (978) 526-7809, Location: Boston, MAamglovsky@comcast.net www.the-bac.edu/summerLocations: Beverly and Manchester, MAwww.findingcolleges.com I NDE P E N DE NT S CH O O LS BOSTON BALLET SCHOOL LANDMARK SCHOOL Boston Ballet School has a long-standingARTSBRIDGE, LLC Founded in 1971, Landmark School offers dedication to excellence and access, andArtsBridge is an educational consulting firm a full range of personalized programs reaches more than 10,000 students ages 9specializing in helping high school and and for students in grades 2 through 12 with months to adult each year through classes,college transfer students in the performing language-based learning disabilities, such as our Summer Dance Workshop, Summerarts navigate through the unique college dyslexia. Landmark is situated on two beau- Dance Program, Citydance, Taking Steps,application and audition process. Summer tiful campuses 25 miles north of Boston. and Adaptive Dance.programs available. Contact: Carol Bedrosian, (978) 236-3000, Contact: School Administrator, BostonContact: (855) 778-ARTS or (855) 778-2787, admission@landmarkschool.org (617) 456-6260; Marblehead (617) 456-6380;info@artsbridge.com Locations: Manchester-by-the-Sea and Newton (617) 456-6263;Locations: Various program locations Prides Crossing, MA school@bostonballet.orgin the Greater Boston area www.landmarkschool.org Locations: Boston, Marblehead,www.artsbridge.com and Newton, MA www.bostonballet.org/school NOBLE AND GREENOUGHCOLLEGE COACH SCHOOLCollege Coach is the recognized leader in The Noble and Greenough School is a ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCEeducational advising, offering step-by-step rigorous academic community dedicated PROGRAMguidance and insider knowledge from for- to inspiring leadership for the public good. The Environmental Science Program is amer senior admissions officers, to assist high Nobles is a coeducational, nonsectarian day unique camp for girls and boys enteringschool students and their families through and five-day boarding school for students grades 7 - 10. Students learn about thethe college admissions process. in grades 7 through 12. environment by hiking, biking, canoeing,Contact: Erica Blades, Manager of Contact: Jennifer Hines, (781) 320-7100, doing an environmental cleanup project,Client Services, (877) 40-COACH or admission@nobles.edu and climbing Mt. Washington.(877) 402-6224, Location: Dedham, MA Contact: David Backer, Executive Director,erica.blades@getintocollege.com www.nobles.edu (617) 969-0288, contact@newtonenvisci.orgLocations: Newton, MA plus 12 other Location: Newton, MAoffices nationwide www.newtonenvisci.orgwww.getintocollege.com LO C A L PRO G RAMS & C L ASS E S INTERNSHIP CONNECTIONONE-ON-ONE COLLEGECONSULTING Internship Connection is a structured, BEAVER SUMMER PROGRAMS educational program that provides highOne-on-One College Consulting is a Beaver Summer Programs offer teens a school and college students with real-worldprivate, comprehensive educational consult- variety of summer specialty camp opportu- career experience through summer and gaping service that specializes in guiding high nities through one- or two-week intensive year internships. Students live at home andschool students and their families in explor- experiences in the arts, athletics, or outdoors work in part-time positions matched toing options, and making informed decisions adventures. Specific programs include their career interests.regarding the college admissions process. Simply Circus, Beaver Off-Broadway, Contact: Dr. Carole Jabbawy,Contact: Kim Penney, (781) 246-4111, High Adventure, and Extreme Sports. (617) 796-9283,kimpenney@oneononecollegeconsulting.com Contact: Nat Saltonstall, (617) 738-2750, carole@internshipconnection.comLocation: Wakefield, MA camp@bcdschool.org Locations: Boston, MA and New York, NYwww.oneononecollegeconsulting.com Location: Beaver Country Day School in www.internshipconnection.com Chestnut Hill, MA www.bcdcamp.org40 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 43. MEADOWBROOK SUMMERPROGRAMS: TEEN TRIPPINGPROGRAMA series of one-week programs designedfor young teens completing 7th or 8th Uno is proud to support the local communitiesgrade. Join your teammates as you go it serves with our Dough Rai$ers program.on fun, challenging day trips such assea kayaking, hiking, visiting Project To date, we’ve donated over $4 million to deservingAdventure, white water rafting, surfing, organizations! Host a lunch or dinnerand more. at a local Uno and earn up to 20% of salesContact: Renee Mitchell, (781) 647-0546,camp@meadowbrook-ma.org generated from guests.Location: Newton, MAwww.daycamp.meadowbrook-ma.orgURBANFRAME -SUMMER YOUTH COMMUNITYDESIGN/BUILDURBANFRAME offers teens a uniquehands-on introduction to design and Contact Nami Zylbersztajn atarchitecture. Based at MIT and under the 561-504-8649 or nami.zylber@unos.com.guidance of an architecture professor andteam of graduate students, youth design, START MAKING MONEY FOR YOUR NON-PROFIT TODAY.build, and install real architecture for thecommunity.Contact: Daniel Hewett, (617) 444-9904,dmh@urbanframe.orgLocation: Cambridge, MAwww.urbanframe.orgWRITE FOR COLLEGEWrite for College is a three-week, two-hours-a-day writing course for studentsentering grades 10, 11, or 12. All forms ofwriting are covered, with emphasis onessays, plus preparation for SAT, ACT,MCAS, and for seniors, the personalcollege essay.Contact: Don Stewart, (617) 489-5662,donstewarts@gmail.comLocation: Belmont, MAwww.writeforcollege.com To showcase your business or service in the Life with Teens Directory contact sales@teenlife.com. SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 41
  • 44. DIRECTORY OV E RN I G HT S U M M E R PEOPLE TO PEOPLE LEADER- BOSTON BALLET & GA P YE A R P RO GR AMS SHIP AMBASSADOR PROGRAMS Since 1963, Boston Ballet has been one of During Leadership Summits on the cam- the leading dance companies in the world on puses of prestigious universities, students stage, in the studio, and in the community.ASPIRE BY API gain valuable leadership skills, explore Under the leadership of Artistic DirectorTrek through jungles, climb volcanoes, and careers, and prepare for college, while earn- Mikko Nissinen and Executive Directorvolunteer in Costa Rica! Explore the medi- ing academic credit and making friends with Barry Hughson, the Company maintains aneval cities, castles, and cathedrals of Europe! students from around the globe. internationally acclaimed repertoire.Brush up on the French, Irish, Italian, or Contact: Natasha Porter, (888) 275-5061, Contact: Box Office, (617) 695-6955,Spanish language and culture, and potential- info@peopletopeople.com tickets@bostonballet.orgly earn college credit before graduating high Locations: Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Location: Boston, MAschool! The opportunity is yours—experi- Columbia, Johns Hopkins, Tulane and www.bostonballet.orgence the world with Aspire by API! George Washington universities, UCLA,Contact: Courtney Link, (512) 600-8921, and University of Chicagocourtney@aspirebyapi.com www.p2pleadershipsummits.com S H O PPINGLocations: Costa Rica, England, France,Ireland, Italy, and Spainwww.aspirebyapi.com SUMMER ACADEMY IN APPLIED THE MALL AT CHESTNUT HILL SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY Taste, smell, touch, see, and shop TheCARPE DIEM EDUCATION (SAAST) Mall at Chestnut Hill—intercontinentalCarpe Diem’s study abroad programs are cuisine, fresh flowers, supple leathers, exotic The Summer Academy in Applied Science perfumes, and fine merchandise at the onlydesigned to safely challenge every student. & Technology (SAAST) at the UniversityThrough service, travel, and community and Bloomingdale’s in New England, Michael of Pennsylvania welcomes highly motived Kors, Tiffany & Co., L’occitane, Applecultural exchange, our students receive a and talented students to explore engineeringunique and personal insight into themselves Computer, and more. at the college level, combining sophisticated Contact: (617) 965-3038and the cultures they live within and explore. theory with hands-on, practical experienceCollege credit is available through Portland Location: Chestnut Hill, MA in cutting-edge technologies. www.simon.comState University. Contact: Paige Harker, (215) 898-0053,Contact: Ethan Knight, (503) 285-1800, saast@seas.upenn.eduinfo@carpediemeducation.org Location: Philadelphia, PALocations: Australia, Brazil, Cambodia, www.seas.upenn.edu/saast T U TO RING & T E ST P RE PCosta Rica, Ecuador, Fiji, Honduras, HopiNation, India, Navajo Nation, New Zealand,Nicaragua, Peru, Rwanda, Tanzania, THE PRINCETON REVIEWThailand, Uganda, and Vietnam R E C R E AT IO N & No matter what your goals are, we have overwww.carpediemeducation.org E N T E RTA INME NT 30 years of experience offering leading SAT, ACT, and PSAT prep courses and tutoringEARTHCONNECT COSTA 5 WITS, FEATURING ESPIONAGE programs designed to provide a completeRICAN ADVENTURES AND 20,000 LEAGUES and personalized experience that fits your 5 Wits is a one-of-a-kind attraction in learning style, schedule, and budget.EarthConnect is a fusion between a camp Contact: Shannon Shepardson,and abroad experience in one of Earth’s most Patriot Place, Foxborough. 5 Wits is an interactive adventure, offering multiple (800) 447-0254, infoboston@review.comsplendid places. Each two-, three-, or four- Locations: Newton, MA; Onlineweek adventure features cultural immersion, puzzles and obstacles in a real life, highly detailed environment. 5 Wits features two www.princetonreview.comservice, wilderness exploration, and educa-tion. Join us for an unforgettable summer! attractions: Espionage and 20,000 Leagues.Contact: Wendy Brown, (800) 551-7887, Contact: Joe Botsch, (508) 698-1600 x607, VERITAS TUTORSwendy@costaricanadventures.com jbotsch@5-wits.comLocation: Costa Rica Location: Foxborough, MA Veritas specializes in subject tutoring,www.costaricanadventures.com www.5-wits.com test preparation, and college admissions consultation. With personalized coaching from outstanding educators at Harvard andEMERSON COLLEGE SUMMER ARTSBOSTON MIT, as well as a staff of former Ivy LeaguePROGRAMS ArtsBoston is the region’s largest and most Admissions Officers, Veritas will help youExplore communication and the arts in a comprehensive non-profit arts service achieve your academic potential.summer program at Emerson College. Five- organization. With innovative programs like Contact: Adrian Jones, (617) 395-4160,week programs include: stage design, musical ArtsBoston.org and BosTix discount ticket- info@veritutors.comtheatre performance, acting, filmmaking, ing, patrons benefit from our commitment to Locations: Cambridge, MA; Onlinecreative writing, and film production. The keeping the arts accessible and affordable. www.veritutors.comcollege also offers two-week programs in Contact: Customer Service, (617) 262-8632political communication and journalism. x229, customerservice@artsboston.orgContact: Tori Weston, (617) 824-8280, Location: Boston, MAcontinuing@emerson.edu www.artsboston.orgLocation: Boston, MAwww.emerson.edu/ce
  • 45. HAPPENINGMark your calendars!Here are some family-friendly events to enjoy in Greater Boston this summer. JUNE JULY Thursday, June 28 – Wednesday, July 4 Tuesday, July 3 Boston Harborfest Boston Pops Warm-Up Various locations around Boston Concert Boston Harborfest is a six-day long Fourth The Charles River Esplanade, Boston of July festival that showcases the colonial 4:00 p.m. – 10:00 p.m and maritime heritage of the historic City of Get a sneak peak at the Pops Goes the Boston. The festival honors and remembers Fourth Spectacular at this free dress the past, celebrates the present, and educates rehearsal performance by the Charles. about the future with reenactments, concerts, Stick around for the huge fireworks historical tours, and more. display over the river in a grand finale. www.bostonharborfest.com www.celebrateboston.com/july-4th.htmDAVID FOX SUMMER 2012 LIFE WITH TEENS 43
  • 46. Sunday, July 8 Vintage Baseball Tournaments AUGUST Sign up at Georges Island, Boston 11:00 a.m. – 3:30 p.m. Step into the 1860’s and watch Civil Saturday, August 4 The City-Wide Book Sale Boston Public Library Central Branch War-era baseball games played at historic 10:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m. Fort Warren with original rules and uni-TeenLife forms. Also running Sunday, August 19. The City-Wide Friends of the Boston Pub- www.bostonharborislands.org/ lic Library host a sale of donated books. All park-calendar proceeds benefit the Boston Public Library. www.bpl.org/news/calendar.htm .commag Sunday, July 15 – Tuesday, July 17 Saturday, August 11 South Shore Arts Festival Cohasset 1st Annual Boston Tee Party & Design/Artist Expo to keep South Shore Art Center Arts Festival celebrates its 57th year and showcases artists Boston Teacher’s Union Hall, Boston The Tee Gazette will join local and national getting your from New England and beyond. The Arts Festival features almost one hundred juried indie t-shirt brands, designers, and artists at free exhibitor booths, a juried art exhibition and the first annual Boston Tee Party & Design/ members’ show, live music performances, Artist Expo to showcase their latest designs. artist demonstrations, children’s art activi- www.teegazette.com/2012/03/update-on- ties, and a young artist exhibition. the-boston-tee-party www.ssac.org/festival.asp Thursday, August 16 – Saturday, August 18 subscription of Wednesday, July 25 – Sunday, August 12 (Tuesday – Sunday evenings) Boston GreenFest 2012 Boston City Hall Plaza Free Shakespeare on the Boston GreenFest 2012 is a festival filled Common: Coriolanus with fun learning experiences to address the Parkmand Bandstand at Boston Common important changes we need to make in our For its 17th season of Shakespeare on the daily lives and our neighborhoods. It will Common, Commonwealth Shakespeare begin at Boston City Hall Plaza with a Company (CSC) is proud to present the Kick-off Concert on Thursday, August 16, political drama Coriolanus. The play charts from 5:00 p.m. – 9:30 p.m. Events continue the rise and fall of a powerful general as Friday through Saturday. he battles enemies abroad, and a tide www.bostongreenfest.org of popularity at home in Rome. www.commshakes.org/performances Wednesdays and Fridays throughout August Summer Street Markets Friday, July 27 – Sunday, July 29 Downtown Crossing, Boston Boston Summer Arts Weekend Downtown Boston’s largest outdoor arts and Copley Square, Boston crafts market is expandeding to Wednesdays The Boston Globe and WGBH have created and Fridays through October. All original, the inaugural Summer Arts Weekend in handmade pieces: fine art, jewelry, clothing Boston. Presented by Citizens Bank, this and accessories, artisan foods, photography, weekend event will celebrate the arts with a wood-, glass-, and metalworks, fiber arts, free festival, special offers around the city, and more available. and ticketed performances. With music rang- www.summerstreetmarkets.com ing from classical and jazz to bluegrass and soul, along with dramatic theater and street performers, Summer Arts Weekend will showcase Boston’s thriving arts community. www.boston.com/ae/theater_arts/ summer_arts_weekend/2012 Fridays throughout July and August Free Friday Flicks at the Hatch Shell The Hatch Shell, Boston The movies start at dusk, and are usually films that were huge box office successes, both recent and modern classics. The Hatch Shell lawn fills up on a first-come, first- served basis. Bring a blanket or lawn chair and enjoy this family-friendly free event. www.celebrateboston.com/free-friday- flicks.htm44 LIFE WITH TEENS SUMMER 2012
  • 47. THEATRE+MUSIC+DANCE+COMEDY 1/2 PRICE TICKETS AND MORE The definitive source for all things arts in Greater Boston, including teen and family-friendly events year-round. ALSO AVAILABLE AT FULL PRICE: FREEDOM TRAIL WALKING TOURS + GO BOSTON CARDS+ BOSTON DUCK TOURS + NEW ENGLAND AQUARIUM + MORE A P R O G R A M O F