“It’s All About Me” (IAAM)—Or Maybe It Isn’t


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What we really know about other people is their behavior, their words, and their body language. But we assume a great deal more about what's going on in their heads. We behave as though our assumptions are both Valid and True. This frequently leads not only to misunderstandings but also to friction, frustration, and falling out. However, our assumptions could be INvalid and UNtrue! “Doc” List leads you through the basics of an approach called IAAM ("It's All About Me!"), and the implications that IAAM has for you in your everyday professional and personal life. Combining an entertaining and stimulating presentation with role play and participant interaction—and laughter and conversation- discover assumptions you have been making, share insights with others, and develop a new mindset. Discover a new understanding, a new way of seeing and hearing, and change the way YOU behave!

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“It’s All About Me” (IAAM)—Or Maybe It Isn’t

  1. 1.       nt Session    Presented by:  Steven “Doc” List      Brought to you by:      340 Corporate Way, Suite   Orange Park, FL 32073  888‐2 W4  Concurre 4/9/2014    10:30 AM          “It’s All About Me (IAAM) – Or Maybe it Isn’t”      Santeon Group              300, 68‐8770 ∙ 904‐278‐0524 ∙ sqeinfo@sqe.com ∙ www.sqe.com 
  2. 2. Steven “Doc” List Santeon Group   Steven “Doc” List has spent much of his thirty-five years in the software development community in leadership and coaching roles. Doc’s education in clinical and industrial/organizational psychology has contributed to his understanding of language and interaction between people. Recent roles as an agile coach and trainer have brought the importance of language and interaction into finer focus, as has his writing in his blog at stevenlist.com. Doc's experience as a leader, trainer, coach, presenter, facilitator, and professional speaker blends into an unusual appreciation for and mastery of the subtlety of spoken and written language.
  3. 3. It’s All About Me (IAAM) Or Maybe It Isn’t
  4. 4. Let’s begin… • Get a partner - someone you don’t work with, who doesn’t even work for the same company/ organization • Each of you take one minute to tell the other about a situation where someone you work with hurt your feelings, offended you, disrespected you, made you angry, sad, frustrated, or some other negative thing • Write an outline of your partner’s situation on an index card. Save it for later.
  5. 5. Intro • Doc List, VP of Santeon Learning • Focused on how people learn, Agile, teams, collaboration, and all that good stuff • Doc@Santeon.com • Twitter: @athought
  6. 6. Who are you? You have 5 minutes. Walk around the room and introduce yourself to as many people as possible. Your name, your title, where you work, and a very quick summary of your partner’s story
  7. 7. Sharing - Pop-ups In the next thirty seconds, please pop up and tell us in no more than three words what the feeling was that you described in your sharing at the beginning (angry, hurt, homicidal, sad,…) Let’s go for 15 (that’s only one every two seconds)
  8. 8. Whose feeling was it?
  9. 9. -Thich Nhat Hanh “Our thoughts and actions should express our mind of compassion, even if the other person says and does things that are not easy to accept. We must practice this way until we see clearly that our love is not contingent upon the other person being lovable.”
  10. 10. What do you KNOW?
  11. 11. What do you ASSUME?
  12. 12. It’s all in your head
  13. 13. No, really… it’s all in your head
  14. 14. “Why would a rational, reasonable, decent human being do that?” The Humanizing Question from Crucial Conversations
  15. 15. S T A T E The Technique from Crucial Conversations
  16. 16. Get back with your original partner. You’ll have one minute each. Tell each other the FACTS about what happened. Not what you thought. Not what you felt. Not what you interpreted. The FACTS. S
  17. 17. You’ll have one minute each (yes, again) Tell your partner how you felt. Not how the other person “made” you feel. T
  18. 18. Whose feeling was it?
  19. 19. Let’s change directions for a few minutes. I have a premise…
  20. 20. You were born selfish…
  21. 21. Write on an index card your definition of selfish. You have one minute.
  22. 22. Hand your index card to someone else to read, and someone will hand theirs to you to read. Read it. ;)
  23. 23. Repeat until I tell you to stop.
  24. 24. …and you learned…
  25. 25. What are some socially acceptable ways of dealing with your feelings?
  26. 26. Who is in charge of your feelings?
  27. 27. Whose feeling was it?
  28. 28. It’s still me Doc List, VP of Santeon Learning Doc@Santeon.com Twitter: @athought