Enneagram by Tai Tran

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A summary of the Enneagram, the ancient tool that explains different psychological behaviors and preferences of people.

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Enneagram by Tai Tran

  1. 1. THE ENNEAGRAM Tai Tran Hien T. Nguyen May 2007
  2. 2. The Enneagram <ul><li>Is the ancient system of personality types </li></ul><ul><li>Linking personality to spirit </li></ul>
  3. 3. Diagrams
  4. 4. Overview
  5. 5. The Three Triads
  6. 6. Triad: Head <ul><li>5,6,7 tend to respond to life through their thoughts </li></ul><ul><li>Vivid imaginations </li></ul><ul><li>Strong ability to analyze and correlate ideas. </li></ul><ul><li>Thinking is a way of pre-empting fear </li></ul>
  7. 7. Triad: Heart <ul><li>2,3,4 operate in the world through relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Image: Concerned with how others see and relate to them </li></ul><ul><li>Quick sense and respond to others’ needs or moods </li></ul><ul><li>Successful relationships keep at bay the sense of emptiness and yearning </li></ul>
  8. 8. Triad: Belly/Gut <ul><li>8,9,1 tend to ‘be’ in the world through action </li></ul><ul><li>Their instinct is to do </li></ul><ul><li>Self-forgetting types </li></ul>
  9. 9. Head center: Fixations and Holy Ideas <ul><li>Fixation: Habitual mental preoccupation of focus of attention </li></ul><ul><li>Holy Ideas: The state of being which is experienced, rather than thought of, by the head center when it is free of the fixation </li></ul>
  10. 10. Fixations (cont)
  11. 11. Heart center: Passion and Holy Virtue <ul><li>Passion: The habitual preoccupation or focus of the heart center </li></ul><ul><li>Virtue: the essential state of being experienced in the heart </li></ul>
  12. 12. Belly center: Self-preservation
  13. 13. Belly center: Social Instinct
  14. 14. Belly center: Sexual
  15. 15. Wings <ul><li>Each type has 2 wings on either side on the circle </li></ul><ul><li>Example: Five-ish Six is more withdrawn, Seven-ish Six becomes more playful </li></ul>
  16. 16. The Enneagram and MBTI
  17. 17. Motivation – Behavior – Development
  18. 18. Focus of attention
  19. 19. Functions
  20. 20. Interpersonal Roles 1. The Reformer (Improving) The Conscientious Teacher 8. The Challenger (Empowering) The Self- Confident Authority 9. The Peacemaker (Mediating) The Comforting Optimist Influence others 6. The Troubleshooter (Implementing) The Dependable Associate 7. The Enthusiast (Popularizing) The Joyful Visionary 5. The Investigator (Discovering) The Perceptive Expert Looking into future 2. The Mentor (Supporting) The Thoughtful Contributor 3. The Achiever (Communicating) The Competent Pragmatist 4. The Designer (Creating) The Intuitive Originator Self development Cooperator Initiator Soloist Area of concern Social functions
  21. 21. Disruptive Roles 1. The Reformer (Improving) The Rigid Scorekeeper 8. The Challenger (Empowering) The Heavy-Handed Taskmaster 9. The Peacemaker (Mediating) The Passive Wishful Thinker Influence others 6. The Troubleshooter (Implementing) The Ambivalent Skeptic 7. The Enthusiast (Popularizing) The Scattered Chatterbox 5. The Investigator (Discovering) The Detached Technician Looking into future 2. The Mentor (Supporting) The Self-Important Busybody 3. The Achiever (Communicating) The Slippery Operator 4. The Designer (Creating) The Temperamental Withholder Self development Cooperator Initiator Soloist Area of concern Social functions
  22. 22. Leadership
  23. 23. Inadequate Nurturing Environment
  24. 24. Appearance Illustrations
  25. 25. The Day in Enneagram
  26. 26. Title <ul><li>Menu </li></ul><ul><li>Content </li></ul>
  27. 27. The Nine Types
  28. 28. 1. The Perfectionist/Reformer/Worker/Critic <ul><li>ONES at their BEST </li></ul><ul><li>Ethical </li></ul><ul><li>Reliable </li></ul><ul><li>Productive </li></ul><ul><li>Wise </li></ul><ul><li>Idealistic </li></ul><ul><li>Fair </li></ul><ul><li>Honest </li></ul><ul><li>Orderly </li></ul><ul><li>Self-disciplined </li></ul><ul><li>Inspiring </li></ul><ul><li>Caring </li></ul><ul><li>Wise </li></ul><ul><li>Discriminating </li></ul><ul><li>Serene </li></ul><ul><li>ONES at their WORST </li></ul><ul><li>Judgmental </li></ul><ul><li>Inflexible </li></ul><ul><li>Dogmatic </li></ul><ul><li>Obsessive-Compulsive </li></ul><ul><li>Critical of others </li></ul><ul><li>Overly serious </li></ul><ul><li>Controlling </li></ul><ul><li>Anxious </li></ul><ul><li>Jealous </li></ul><ul><li>Cynical </li></ul><ul><li>Judgmental </li></ul><ul><li>Self-righteous </li></ul><ul><li>Cold </li></ul><ul><li>Bigoted </li></ul><ul><li>Controlling </li></ul><ul><li>Angry </li></ul><ul><li>Sarcastic </li></ul><ul><li>Dogmatic </li></ul>Motivated by the need to live life the right way, improve yourself and others and avoid danger. MBTI: ISTJ,ENFJ,ENTJ,ISFJ
  29. 29. ONE's fear - desire - wings <ul><li>Fear: being corrupted/evil, defective </li></ul><ul><li>Desire: to be good, to have integrity, to be balanced </li></ul><ul><li>NINE-wing: the Idealist </li></ul><ul><li>TWO-wing: the Advocate </li></ul>
  30. 30. ONE’s passion & fixation: anger & resentment <ul><li>Suppress reactions and emotions in favor of rationality </li></ul><ul><li>Anger is freeing cathartic energy </li></ul><ul><li>Resentment is rationalized anger. Unacceptable rage is transmuted into acceptable thoughts, from frustration to irritability and resentment </li></ul>
  31. 31. ONE’s stress: toward FOUR <ul><li>Under stress, ONES emphasize their belief that perfection is unattainable, and that somehow they are unworthy </li></ul><ul><li>They focus shifts to relationships or emotions, and their feeling of being unlovable </li></ul><ul><li>Can be depressed </li></ul><ul><li>Positive: enhance ONES’ appreciation of and longing for perfection, and opens up their feelings </li></ul>
  32. 32. ONE’s security: toward SEVEN <ul><li>Some ONES seek out SEVENS as friends </li></ul><ul><li>Allow themselves to relax into security they can have fun for a while </li></ul>
  33. 33. ONE subtypes <ul><li>Self-preservation: divert energy of anger into anxiety about personal security: getting things right, having exactly what one needs, keeping the job, looking after the family… It is permanent resentful worrying </li></ul><ul><li>Social: ally with the worthy group and support the correct cause; may cause them confusion, frustration or anger at the group and/or at themselves; criticize the group for not being perfect, and themselves for not being able to adapt </li></ul><ul><li>Sexual: idealizing the perfect connection, fear that other people will be seen as more attractive, intelligent and desirable. Anger is channeled into jealousy </li></ul>
  34. 34. ONE’s relationships <ul><li>Hard to trust the world </li></ul><ul><li>Feel they may be unworthy of friendship because they are not perfect </li></ul><ul><li>Long for the perfect relationship, look to see if they’re doing wrong, if not – resent and blame partner </li></ul>
  35. 35. ONE’s virtue & idea: serenity & perfection <ul><li>Serenity: allow all feelings to come and go without judging </li></ul><ul><li>Perfection: realize everything is already perfect even in its imperfection </li></ul>
  36. 36. ONE learning
  37. 37. ONE growth tips <ul><li>Find a friend or therapist who can help depersonalize issues for which one is blaming one’s self or others </li></ul><ul><li>Join a group which encourages expression of immediate emotions, including anger, in a safe environment </li></ul><ul><li>Notice thinking in terms of either/or, right/wrong and include more sides </li></ul><ul><li>Notice that resentment at others who break the rules may mask a wish to do what they’re doing </li></ul><ul><li>Take time to observe the critical mind in action, and dis-identify with it – use it to remind self of achievements and skills </li></ul><ul><li>Put play and pleasure in list of oughts, until one can allow them for their own sakes </li></ul><ul><li>Learn to relax </li></ul><ul><li>Do not expect others to change immediately </li></ul><ul><li>Learn to recognize the attacks of your superego and how they undermine you rather than helping you </li></ul><ul><li>Get in touch with feelings, particularly unconscious impulses </li></ul>
  38. 38. ONE in business <ul><li>The rational, orderly type </li></ul><ul><li>Principled, purposeful, self-controlled, and perfectionistic </li></ul><ul><li>Concerned with maintaining quality and high standards </li></ul><ul><li>Focus on details and like to improve and streamline procedures </li></ul><ul><li>Good at coaching others on how to improve themselves, be more efficient, and do things correctly </li></ul><ul><li>Well-organized and orderly, overly critical of themselves and others </li></ul><ul><li>Dislike waste and sloppiness, but can deteriorate into micromanagement and constant, demoralizing criticism </li></ul><ul><li>At their best, they have good judgment, make wise decisions, and model ethical and responsible behavior. </li></ul>
  39. 39. ONE’s leadership: the Idealist <ul><li>A self-observing Idealist can be a wonderful leader: wise, tolerant, balanced, and focused on standards of excellence in ways that provide an exemplary vision for followers. Ones are often the purveyors of quality in an organization. </li></ul><ul><li>When less well-developed, they show their fixation on perfectionism. They carry an internal judging voice, which chastises themselves (or others) for falling short of perfection (preaching) or, in a very healthy individual, invokes higher attainment (teaching). Their driving force is anger, which is typically over-controlled until it erupts as resentment when someone has failed to live up to their expectations. They're good at moral tirades, yet they also show a &quot;running amok&quot; side that allows them to escape their own high standards. </li></ul><ul><li>Developmental skills include reducing the power of their internal critic, channeling anger more effectively, learning to respond to criticism non-defensively, and moving away from black-and-white thinking with positive reframing and creative problem-solving. The key development need for this leadership style is patience, the willingness to accept conditions that do not conform to one's ideal. </li></ul>
  40. 40. ONE’s management <ul><li>Leadership: Principle-centered leadership </li></ul><ul><li>Strategy: Ethics-oriented </li></ul><ul><li>Decision Making: Ideal-centered </li></ul><ul><li>Managing Change: Rule-bound </li></ul><ul><li>Delegating: Workaholic delegator </li></ul><ul><li>Communication: Factual communicators </li></ul><ul><li>Negotiation: The uncompromising negotiator </li></ul><ul><li>Power: Authority power </li></ul>
  41. 41. Famous ONES <ul><li>Mahatma Gandhi, Hilary Clinton, Al Gore, John Paul II, Sandra Day O'Connor, John Bradshaw, Bill Moyers, Martha Stewart, Ralph Nader, Katherine Hepburn, Harrison Ford, Vanessa Redgrave, Jane Fonda, Meryl Streep, George Harrison, Celene Dion, Joan Baez, George Bernard Shaw, Noam Chomsky, Michael Dukakis, Margaret Thatcher, Rudolph Guliani, Jerry Brown, Jane Curtin, Gene Siskel, William F. Buckley, Kenneth Starr, The &quot;Church Lady&quot; (Saturday Night Live), and &quot;Mr. Spock&quot; (Star Trek) </li></ul>
  42. 42. 2. The Helper/Giver/Caretaker <ul><li>TWO at their BEST </li></ul><ul><li>Loving </li></ul><ul><li>Caring </li></ul><ul><li>Adaptable </li></ul><ul><li>Insightful </li></ul><ul><li>Generous </li></ul><ul><li>Enthusiastic </li></ul><ul><li>Tuned in how people feel </li></ul><ul><li>Empathic </li></ul><ul><li>Supportive </li></ul><ul><li>Perceptive </li></ul><ul><li>Loyal </li></ul><ul><li>Selfless </li></ul><ul><li>TWO at their WORST </li></ul><ul><li>Martyr-like </li></ul><ul><li>Indirect </li></ul><ul><li>Manipulative </li></ul><ul><li>Possessive </li></ul><ul><li>Hysterical </li></ul><ul><li>Overly accommodating </li></ul><ul><li>Overly demonstrative (more extraverted Twos) </li></ul><ul><li>Smothering </li></ul><ul><li>Ambitious give-to-get </li></ul><ul><li>Self-sacrificing intrusive </li></ul>Motivated by the need to be loved and appreciated and to express your positive feelings towards others. MBTI: ESFJ,ENFJ,ESFP,ENFP
  43. 43. TWO's fear - desire - wings <ul><li>Fear: being unwanted, unworthy of being loved </li></ul><ul><li>Desire: to feel loved </li></ul><ul><li>ONE-wing: the Servant </li></ul><ul><li>THREE-wing: the Host/Hostess </li></ul>
  44. 44. TWO’s passion & fixation: pride & flattery <ul><li>Pride: inner certainty that they can fulfill others’ needs </li></ul><ul><li>Flattery: TWOs’ ability to make others feel good by appealing to their inner preferences, and recognizing and supporting their highest potential </li></ul>
  45. 45. TWO’s stress: toward EIGHT <ul><li>Domineering, irritable, angry </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid inner anger </li></ul><ul><li>Fight for their own position and resist others’ demand </li></ul>
  46. 46. TWO’s security: toward FOUR <ul><li>The increased emotionality is painful </li></ul><ul><li>A release into the self-nurturing and artistic side is energizing </li></ul>
  47. 47. TWO subtypes <ul><li>Self-preservation: securing pride by not asking for help </li></ul><ul><li>Social: attach to the important in group. Ambition: power behind the throne </li></ul><ul><li>Sexual: keep going until chosen person is caught </li></ul>
  48. 48. TWO’s relationships <ul><li>Dilemma: suffer painful emotions for forgetting self needs </li></ul>
  49. 49. TWO’s virtue & idea: humility & will/freedom <ul><li>Humility: celebrate what hey have to offer to the world </li></ul><ul><li>Freedom: follow their true needs </li></ul>
  50. 50. TWO learning
  51. 51. TWO growth tips <ul><li>Develop interests and activities that are meaningful to one on one’s own, and do them on one’s own </li></ul><ul><li>Make time to be alone and bring attention back inside, for example meditating; notice the anxiety and desire to focus out again </li></ul><ul><li>Notice own achievements and their worth </li></ul><ul><li>Consciously do things well for their own and one’s own sake alone </li></ul><ul><li>Notice flattery and the tendency to be helpless or second to others, and that dependency is manipulation </li></ul><ul><li>Tell people one’s need, and allow them to give it to one’s self: learn to enjoy receiving </li></ul><ul><li>Take care of one’s self, rest </li></ul><ul><li>More conscious of motives when deciding to help </li></ul><ul><li>Ask people what they need before helping them. Help when they ask. Help them to be functioning on their own </li></ul><ul><li>Let it be, do not remind deeds </li></ul>
  52. 52. TWO in business <ul><li>The helpful, interpersonal type </li></ul><ul><li>Generous, appreciative, people-pleasing, and possessive </li></ul><ul><li>Sensitive to the needs of others and seek to be of service </li></ul><ul><li>Appreciate the talents of others and act as confidants and guides, good at networking people and services </li></ul><ul><li>Have trouble saying no to requests and tend to become stressed by trying to help others too much </li></ul><ul><li>Dislike impersonal rules and work situations and can deteriorate into favoritism and time-wasting personal over-involvements </li></ul><ul><li>At their best, they are empathetic and generous and help build team interpersonal connections </li></ul>
  53. 53. TWO’s leadership: the Mentor <ul><li>The most interpersonally oriented of all the leadership styles, healthy Mentors are unconditionally caring leaders who derive deep satisfaction from seeing and encouraging the development of others; they are typically great supporters of customer service. Well-developed Twos will also be aware of their own needs, which provides balance in their lives and allows them to give freely, without expectation of return. </li></ul><ul><li>Their driving force is pride, which is attached to their self-image as helper; out of this they tend to be in the middle of things, giving help and advice whether others want it or not. When less developed they have a fixation on entitlement and can use manipulation to influence people. If they feel betrayed they may even become vindictive (&quot;after all I've done for you!&quot;). Their key development need is humility, which accompanies true compassion without expectation. </li></ul><ul><li>Developmental skills include acknowledging their own needs, seeing how they contribute to their own workload and saying no, setting clearer boundaries, and asserting their interpersonal power more directly. </li></ul>
  54. 54. TWO’s management <ul><li>Leadership: Servant leadership </li></ul><ul><li>Strategy: Customer satisfaction </li></ul><ul><li>Decision Making: People-centered decision maker </li></ul><ul><li>Managing Change: Charmer </li></ul><ul><li>Delegating: People-centered delegation </li></ul><ul><li>Communication: Interpersonal communicator </li></ul><ul><li>Negotiation: Manipulative negotiator </li></ul><ul><li>Power: Reward power </li></ul>
  55. 55. Famous TWOS <ul><li>Mother Teresa, Barbara Bush, Eleanor Roosevelt, Leo Buscaglia, Monica Lewinsky, Bill Cosby, Barry Manilow, Lionel Richie, Kenny G., Luciano Pavarotti, Lillian Carter, Sammy Davis, Jr., Martin Sheen, Robert Fulghum, Alan Alda, Richard Thomas, Jack Paar, Sally Jessy Raphael, Bishop Desmond Tutu, Ann Landers, &quot;Melanie Hamilton&quot; (Gone With the Wind). and &quot;Dr. McCoy&quot; (Star Trek) </li></ul>
  56. 56. 3. The Performer/Achiever/Motivator/Succeeder <ul><li>THREES at their BEST </li></ul><ul><li>Optimistic </li></ul><ul><li>Confident </li></ul><ul><li>Industrious </li></ul><ul><li>Efficient </li></ul><ul><li>Self-propelled </li></ul><ul><li>Energetic </li></ul><ul><li>Practical </li></ul><ul><li>Empathic </li></ul><ul><li>Socially conscious </li></ul><ul><li>Able to enliven </li></ul><ul><li>Deep connection to people and worthy goals </li></ul><ul><li>THREES at their WORST </li></ul><ul><li>Deceptive </li></ul><ul><li>Narcissistic </li></ul><ul><li>Pretentious </li></ul><ul><li>Vain </li></ul><ul><li>Superficial </li></ul><ul><li>Vindictive </li></ul><ul><li>Overly competitive </li></ul><ul><li>Dominating </li></ul><ul><li>Go-getters </li></ul>Motivated by the need to be productive, to achieve success, and to avoid failure. MBTI: ESTP,ENTP,ENTJ,ESTJ
  57. 57. THREE's fear - desire - wings <ul><li>Fear: being worthless </li></ul><ul><li>Desire: to feel valuable and worthwhile </li></ul><ul><li>TWO-wing: the Charmer </li></ul><ul><li>FOUR-wing: the Professional </li></ul>
  58. 58. THREE’s passion & fixation: deceit & vanity <ul><li>Select arenas which gain approval of people they want to be accepted by. They deceive themselves that roles is ‘who they are’ </li></ul><ul><li>Vanity: only stop doing when they run out </li></ul>
  59. 59. THREE’s stress: toward NINE <ul><li>Stress of THREE: public failure, taking on far too much, illness which forces them to stop, inactivity </li></ul><ul><li>Lose focus and confidence </li></ul><ul><li>Swayed or distracted and upset that can’t promote themselves </li></ul>
  60. 60. THREE’s security: toward SIX <ul><li>SIX is central fear type, so THREE finds it so hard to relax and do nothing </li></ul>
  61. 61. THREE subtypes <ul><li>Self-preservation: focus on material security. Ultimate success is always in the future </li></ul><ul><li>Social: their status in the group. Goal is targeted for the potential prestige </li></ul><ul><li>Sexual: appear absolutely masculine/feminine </li></ul>
  62. 62. THREE’s relationships <ul><li>Relationships can be backing up image </li></ul>
  63. 63. THREE’s virtue & idea: honesty & hope <ul><li>Honesty: inner state in which there is no need to find a role to identify with </li></ul><ul><li>Hope: able to let go and allow things to be done through them rather than by them </li></ul><ul><li>Who experience hope and honesty can turn their leading, achieving and motivating skills to the service of other people, and experience the unconditional love they have always longed for </li></ul>
  64. 64. THREE learning
  65. 65. THREE growth tips <ul><li>Stop from time to time and ask ‘What am I feeling?’ </li></ul><ul><li>Take time out to stop and be: go for walks (but without a goal!), stare at the sunset, learn to meditate for its own sake rather than as a task </li></ul><ul><li>Ask trusted friends to tell when they feel one’s not being real, or one’s fudging an issue, and listen even if they seem wrong </li></ul><ul><li>Notice one’s self changing image to please, and ask ‘Is this who I am, or am I going for the image?’ </li></ul><ul><li>Work on valuing empathy and connection as highly as status </li></ul><ul><li>Ask one’s self what really matters, in work and leisure, and make time to pursue it </li></ul><ul><li>Be honest about feelings and needs </li></ul><ul><li>Connect to someone one cares about </li></ul><ul><li>Involve in projects that help empowering true value and identity </li></ul><ul><li>Stop doing the acceptable just to be accepted </li></ul>
  66. 66. THREE in business <ul><li>The adaptable, ambitious type </li></ul><ul><li>Focused, excelling, driven, and image-conscious </li></ul><ul><li>Know how to work efficiently to get the job done according to customer expectations </li></ul><ul><li>Often attractive, charming, and energetic, are conscious of the image they project of themselves as well as of their team and company </li></ul><ul><li>Like getting recognition and are attracted to success and positions of prestige </li></ul><ul><li>Competitive and workaholic, driven by the need for status and personal advancement, deteriorating into cutting corners to stay ahead </li></ul><ul><li>At their best, they are accomplished and admirable, often seen as inspiring role models by others </li></ul>
  67. 67. THREE’s leadership: the Star <ul><li>Star leaders are often expansive, risk-taking go-getters who ensure high productivity for their organizations. Formidable models for others, they are efficient and supremely goal-oriented; consequently, they tend to rise to top organizational levels, or to run their own companies. </li></ul><ul><li>What under-developed Threes personify for all of us is our image-making. They're good at self-promotion and can be perceived as showcasing themselves at the expense of the team. Threes tend to look outward for their reflection in the eyes of others--and their inner life can be lacking. Their driving force is vanity, which shows up in the fixation of self-deception (e.g., convincing oneself that a failure to involve the team in a major business coup was not important because of the results achieved). </li></ul><ul><li>Developmental skills include learning to collaborate instead of compete, clarifying their own values/developing internal criteria (vs. external validation), learning from failure, and accessing their feelings. Their key development need is truthfulness, speaking from the essential self and not through personality needs. </li></ul>
  68. 68. THREE’s management <ul><li>Leadership: Entrepreneurial leader </li></ul><ul><li>Strategy: Achievement oriented </li></ul><ul><li>Decision Making: Success-oriented </li></ul><ul><li>Managing Change: Motivating </li></ul><ul><li>Delegating: The vain delegator </li></ul><ul><li>Communication: Persuasive communicator </li></ul><ul><li>Negotiation: Persuasive negotiator </li></ul><ul><li>Power: Image power </li></ul>
  69. 69. Famous THREES <ul><li>Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Jane Pauley, Michael Landon, Tony Robbins, Tom Cruise, Barbra Streisand, Sharon Stone, Madonna, Shirley MacLaine, Sting, Paul McCartney, Dick Clark, Whitney Houston, Ted Danson, Michael Jordan, Shania Twain, Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarznegger, Billy Dee Williams, Kathy Lee Gifford, Truman Capote, and O.J. Simpson </li></ul>
  70. 70. 4. The Romantic/Individualist/Artist/Designer <ul><li>FOURS at their BEST </li></ul><ul><li>Warm </li></ul><ul><li>Compassionate </li></ul><ul><li>Introspective </li></ul><ul><li>Expressive </li></ul><ul><li>Creative </li></ul><ul><li>Intuitive </li></ul><ul><li>Supportive </li></ul><ul><li>Refined </li></ul><ul><li>Charismatic </li></ul><ul><li>Empathic </li></ul><ul><li>FOURS at their WORST </li></ul><ul><li>Depressed </li></ul><ul><li>Self-conscious </li></ul><ul><li>Guilt-ridden </li></ul><ul><li>Moralistic </li></ul><ul><li>Withdrawn </li></ul><ul><li>Stubborn </li></ul><ul><li>Moody </li></ul><ul><li>Self-absorbed </li></ul><ul><li>Moralistic </li></ul><ul><li>Demanding attention for their pain </li></ul>Motivated by the need to understand your feelings and to be understood, to search for the meaning of life and to avoid being ordinary. MBTI: INFJ,INFP,ENFJ,ISFP
  71. 71. FOUR's fear - desire - wings <ul><li>Fear: not having identity or personal significance </li></ul><ul><li>Desire: to create an identity </li></ul><ul><li>THREE-wing: the Aristocrat </li></ul><ul><li>FIVE-wing: the Bohemian </li></ul>
  72. 72. FOUR’s passion & fixation: envy & melancholy <ul><li>Envy: something’s mission, yearning to fill the emptiness </li></ul><ul><li>Melancholy: bitter-sweet favor. When FOURS experience joy it is passionate and deep, but includes the knowledge that its opposite is never far away </li></ul>
  73. 73. FOUR’s stress: toward TWO <ul><li>Feel the need to change themselves </li></ul><ul><li>Push-pull way of relating, need to attract people and be approved of </li></ul>
  74. 74. FOUR’s security: toward ONE <ul><li>FOURS are idealists in the realm of feelings </li></ul><ul><li>Add perfectionism to personality and become critical </li></ul>
  75. 75. FOUR subtypes <ul><li>Self-preservation: take risks, live life recklessly. To really be alive means to experience life to the full, to be willing to take whatever comes along and ride with it </li></ul><ul><li>Social: fear for not being good enough so people will reject. Apply creativity to their involvement </li></ul><ul><li>Sexual: competitive </li></ul>
  76. 76. FOUR’s relationships <ul><li>Emotional experience vary so widely and intensely </li></ul><ul><li>Push-pull habit </li></ul><ul><li>Loyal and generous to real friend </li></ul>
  77. 77. FOUR virtue & idea: equanimity & origin <ul><li>Equanimity: being harmonious and complete in oneself </li></ul><ul><li>They are part of holy origin, celebrate and let that creative source express itself through them in their lives </li></ul>
  78. 78. FOUR learning
  79. 79. FOUR growth tips <ul><li>Take up a body-based activity to learn to ground one’s self </li></ul><ul><li>When emotions become very strong about something, question them by tracking back to the first feeling which triggered them: it may be different from what one feels at the moment </li></ul><ul><li>Notice attention going to what is missing, and learn to value the positive aspects of what is here and now </li></ul><ul><li>Remind one’s self ‘abandonment’ was in the past and is not inevitable </li></ul><ul><li>Recognize specialty and self-absorption as a way of masking fears of abandonment: focus on what is important to someone else </li></ul><ul><li>Discover in one’s self the qualities which one envy in others </li></ul><ul><li>Drift off feelings </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid putting off things until in the right mood </li></ul><ul><li>Self-discipline </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid lengthy conversations in mind </li></ul>
  80. 80. FOUR in business <ul><li>The introspective, artistic type </li></ul><ul><li>Expressive, dramatic, self-absorbed, and temperamental </li></ul><ul><li>Deliver personalized service and/or develop distinctive products known for their refinement and sense of style </li></ul><ul><li>Uncompromising in their pursuit of the right effect, word, or design and of gauging the personal impact of a product </li></ul><ul><li>Dislike tasks that they feel are not creative or give them room for their personal imprint </li></ul><ul><li>Hypersensitive to criticism and can deteriorate into moodiness and erratic work habits </li></ul><ul><li>At their best, they bring intuition and creativity into the workplace and enrich it with their sense of depth, style, and appreciation of the personal dimension. </li></ul>
  81. 81. FOUR’s leadership: the Innovator <ul><li>Innovators are vital to the health of an organization because they are able to view things from a new slant and are not bound by tradition; they can keep an organization from slowly dying out of untested and outdated assumptions. </li></ul><ul><li>More in touch with their feelings than other types, they are in danger of sinking into moodiness if they meet with resistance to their ideas. The same talent that allows Fours to &quot;look outside the box&quot; can lead them to wonder why they never see things the way others do, and subsequently to question if they are flawed--their conversation is ripe with sad stories. Their driving force is envy, which shows up in the fixation of dissatisfaction, a perception that &quot;the grass is always greener somewhere else.&quot; </li></ul><ul><li>Developmental skills include focusing more on strengths and resources and less on the &quot;tragedy&quot; of life, learning to develop the possibilities of their current jobs, shifting their moods through physical exercise or creative outlets, reframing self-criticism in more positive ways, and championing a program or process they believe in. Their key development need is equanimity, the ability to live in the moment. </li></ul>
  82. 82. FOUR’s management <ul><li>Leadership: Charismatic leadership </li></ul><ul><li>Strategy: Innovation-oriented </li></ul><ul><li>Decision Making: Feelings-centered </li></ul><ul><li>Managing Change: Revolutionary change </li></ul><ul><li>Delegating: The mundane delegator </li></ul><ul><li>Communication: The aesthetic communicator </li></ul><ul><li>Negotiation: The elegant negotiator </li></ul><ul><li>Power: Aesthetic power </li></ul>
  83. 83. Famous FOURS <ul><li>Ingmar Bergman, Alan Watts, Sarah McLachlan, Alanis Morrisette, Paul Simon, Jeremy Irons, Patrick Stewart, Joseph Fiennes, Martha Graham, Bob Dylan, Miles Davis, Johnny Depp, Anne Rice, Rudolph Nureyev, J.D. Salinger, Anaîs Nin, Marcel Proust, Maria Callas, Tennessee Williams, Edgar Allan Poe, Annie Lennox, Prince, Michael Jackson, Virginia Woolf, Judy Garland, &quot;Blanche DuBois&quot; (Streetcar Named Desire), Thomas Merton </li></ul>
  84. 84. 5. The Observer/Thinker/Investigator <ul><li>FIVES at their BEST </li></ul><ul><li>Analytical </li></ul><ul><li>Persevering </li></ul><ul><li>Sensitive </li></ul><ul><li>Wise </li></ul><ul><li>Objective </li></ul><ul><li>Perceptive </li></ul><ul><li>Self-contained </li></ul><ul><li>Dedicated </li></ul><ul><li>Creative thinking </li></ul><ul><li>FIVES at their WORST </li></ul><ul><li>Intellectually arrogant </li></ul><ul><li>Stingy </li></ul><ul><li>Stubborn </li></ul><ul><li>Distant </li></ul><ul><li>Critical of others </li></ul><ul><li>Unassertive </li></ul><ul><li>Negative </li></ul><ul><li>Withdrawn </li></ul><ul><li>Distrustful </li></ul><ul><li>Out of touch </li></ul>Motivated by the need to know everything and understand the universe, to be self-sufficient and left alone, and to avoid not having the answer or looking foolish. MBTI: INTP,ISTP,INTJ,ISTJ
  85. 85. FIVE's fear - desire - wings <ul><li>Fear: being useless, helpless, incapable </li></ul><ul><li>Desire: to be capable and competent </li></ul><ul><li>FOUR-wing: the Iconoclast </li></ul><ul><li>SIX-wing: the Problem Solver </li></ul>
  86. 86. FIVE’s passion & fixation: avarice & stinginess <ul><li>Avarice: feel the lacking the means for safe survival. Not usually material but information </li></ul><ul><li>Stinginess: The greatest necessities are time, energy & personal space. If demanded, they respond calmly to go away </li></ul>
  87. 87. FIVE’s stress: toward SEVEN <ul><li>Scan for possible escapes </li></ul>
  88. 88. FIVE’s security: toward EIGHT <ul><li>Take charge, be definite and forthcoming </li></ul><ul><li>Access anger </li></ul><ul><li>Physical enjoyment through touch </li></ul>
  89. 89. FIVE subtypes <ul><li>Self-preservation: my home is my castle. Create a warm, secure place where they have everything </li></ul><ul><li>Social: collect totem figures or totemic information </li></ul><ul><li>Sexual: exchange confidences enables them to feel safe. Confidentiality in physical expression </li></ul>
  90. 90. FIVE’s relationships <ul><li>Crave emotional connection </li></ul><ul><li>Back off from invasive or demanding </li></ul><ul><li>Attracted towards a person who allows them their own space </li></ul><ul><li>Need for privacy </li></ul><ul><li>Dislike being at the center of attention </li></ul>
  91. 91. FIVE’s virtue & idea: non-attachment & omniscience <ul><li>Non-attachment allows feelings, experiences and things to come and go, knowing that the universe is abundant. Allowing energy to flow more freely and sharing it makes self-renewing </li></ul><ul><li>Omniscience is the mind in which all knowing is available without thinking for accumulating knowledge. Discover they have access to wisdoms, safety is found in an inner experience of already knowing all they need </li></ul>
  92. 92. FIVE learning
  93. 93. FIVE growth tips <ul><li>Take up a physical practice which helps ground in one’s body </li></ul><ul><li>Join a group which encourages self-disclosure </li></ul><ul><li>Let one’s self feel physical sensations and emotions as they happen </li></ul><ul><li>Notice how one’s mind detaches from feelings and sorts things into compartments, and how secrecy and superiority create separation </li></ul><ul><li>Cultivate here-and-now behavior, particularly allowing one’s self luxuries </li></ul><ul><li>Notice when one is controlling space/time/energy and manipulating others through restricting what and when one will give: start to allow the control to drop </li></ul><ul><li>Stay connected with physicality </li></ul><ul><li>Meditate, jogging, yoga, dancing </li></ul><ul><li>Learn from peers </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid distractions from non-supportive projects </li></ul><ul><li>Accept and work through conflicts </li></ul>
  94. 94. FIVE in business <ul><li>The perceptive, provocative type </li></ul><ul><li>Curious, innovative, secretive, and eccentric </li></ul><ul><li>Tireless learners and experimenters, especially in specialized or technical matters </li></ul><ul><li>Like to understand in detail, spend time on research, and follow their curiosity wherever it leads </li></ul><ul><li>Highly analytical and preoccupied with discovery, not paying attention to project time constraints and relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Deteriorate into arrogance and non-communication, intellectual bickering and oneupsmanship </li></ul><ul><li>At their best, Fives are visionary pioneers, bringing strikingly new ideas and profound depth to their work. </li></ul>
  95. 95. FIVE’s leadership: the Synthesizer <ul><li>Because of their ability to take in the whole picture and integrate its components in creative ways, well-developed Synthesizers can be consummate strategists and visionaries. Often very bright, they are extremely capable of influencing others through their knowledge. </li></ul><ul><li>Sometimes they sound like they're giving a dissertation. Although Fives can be profound and passionate leaders, they tend to disdain the role of emotions in human interaction. They are the most independent of the nine styles and prefer to be surrounded by other highly capable people who need no direction or external reinforcement. Their driving force is hoarding, which shows up particularly in their fixation on detachment from emotions, a &quot;stinginess&quot; of feelings. </li></ul><ul><li>Developmental skills include debating less and probing/ listening more with the goal of mutually satisfying solutions, taking their role as coach more seriously--including giving attention to group process (meetings, teamwork, etc.), and affirming others' positive efforts. Their key development need is nonattachment, engaging with others without fear of being overwhelmed. </li></ul>
  96. 96. FIVE’s management <ul><li>Leadership: Strategic leaders </li></ul><ul><li>Strategy: Expertise-oriented </li></ul><ul><li>Decision Making: Rational decision-making </li></ul><ul><li>Managing Change: Aggressive change manager </li></ul><ul><li>Delegating: The remote delegator </li></ul><ul><li>Communication: The impersonal communicator </li></ul><ul><li>Negotiation: The unemotional negotiator </li></ul><ul><li>Power: Expert power </li></ul>
  97. 97. Famous FIVES <ul><li>Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Bill Gates, Georgia O'Keefe, Stanley Kubrick, John Lennon, Lily Tomlin, Gary Larson, Laurie Anderson, Merce Cunningham, Meredith Monk, James Joyce, Bjšrk, Susan Sontag, Emily Dickenson, Agatha Christie, Ursula K. LeGuin, Jane Goodall, Glenn Gould, John Cage, Bobby Fischer, Tim Burton, David Lynch, Stephen King, Clive Barker, Trent Reznor, Friedrich Nietzsche, Vincent Van Gogh, Kurt Cobain, Jodie Foster, and &quot;Fox Mulder&quot; (X Files) </li></ul>
  98. 98. 6. The Devil’s Advocate/Questioner/Loyalist/Networker/Defender/Troubleshooter <ul><li>SIXES at their BEST </li></ul><ul><li>Loyal </li></ul><ul><li>Likable </li></ul><ul><li>Caring </li></ul><ul><li>Warm </li></ul><ul><li>Compassionate </li></ul><ul><li>Witty </li></ul><ul><li>Practical </li></ul><ul><li>Helpful </li></ul><ul><li>Responsible </li></ul><ul><li>Productive </li></ul><ul><li>Imaginative </li></ul><ul><li>Protective </li></ul><ul><li>SIXES at their WORST </li></ul><ul><li>Hyper-vigilant </li></ul><ul><li>Controlling </li></ul><ul><li>Unpredictable </li></ul><ul><li>Judgmental </li></ul><ul><li>Paranoid </li></ul><ul><li>Defensive </li></ul><ul><li>Rigid </li></ul><ul><li>Self-defeating </li></ul><ul><li>Testy </li></ul><ul><li>Ineffective </li></ul><ul><li>Inflexible </li></ul>Motivated by the need for security, to feel taken care of, or to control your fears. MBTI: ISFJ,ESFJ,INFP,ENFP
  99. 99. SIX's fear - desire - wings <ul><li>Fear: being without support and guidance </li></ul><ul><li>Desire: to have security and support </li></ul><ul><li>FIVE-wing: the Defender </li></ul><ul><li>SEVEN-wing: the Buddy </li></ul>
  100. 100. SIX’s passion & fixation: fear/doubt & cowardice <ul><li>Doubt masks fear. 2 types of SIXES: fight (counter-phobic) or flight (phobic) </li></ul><ul><li>Coward in imagination: anticipate negative outcome and procrastinate </li></ul>
  101. 101. SIX’s stress: toward THREE <ul><li>Stop procrastinating, apply imagination to getting the job done </li></ul><ul><li>Working to illness reinforces distance from emotion </li></ul>
  102. 102. SIX’s security: toward NINE <ul><li>Soft, warm and loving </li></ul><ul><li>Non-initiation reinforces tendency to inaction </li></ul>
  103. 103. SIX subtypes <ul><li>Self-preservation: disarm potential hostility; be warm, giving, affectionate and personally loyal </li></ul><ul><li>Social: duty is important, ally with and actively support socially worthy group; focus on under-privileged </li></ul><ul><li>Sexual: affect others so as not to be affected, through strength and/or attractiveness and love of beauty </li></ul>
  104. 104. SIX’s relationships <ul><li>Look for whom to unite </li></ul><ul><li>Ask question without saying much about themselves </li></ul><ul><li>Express love and friendship through actions </li></ul>
  105. 105. SIX’s virtue & idea: courage & faith <ul><li>Courage: trusting body’s and heart’s intuition enough to act. In midst of calamitous danger the simply know what to do and have done it. Allow immediate life to affect them respond appropriately </li></ul><ul><li>Faith: practicing trust, focus on positive experience without questioning its hidden deaths </li></ul>
  106. 106. SIX learning
  107. 107. SIX growth tips <ul><li>Take up a physical practice to help bring awareness into body and out of head; notice being braced to face the worse, and relax </li></ul><ul><li>Ask one’s self from time to time ‘Am I imagining this? Is it a genuine intuition or a projection?’ Ask friends for feedback and a reality check </li></ul><ul><li>Take time to remember and enjoy past successes and skills, and congratulate one’s self on present ones </li></ul><ul><li>Notice how doubt shuts out relationships (‘Can I trust them?’) and practice trusting and having faith </li></ul><ul><li>Use imagination: to create pleasant options, also to project threatening scenarios to the improbable limit so one can defuse and laugh at them </li></ul><ul><li>Counter-phobic Sixes: before going into action, ask one’s self if it is appropriate, and whether one has anything to prove </li></ul><ul><li>Work creatively to be more present to anxiety </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid pessimism </li></ul><ul><li>Identify what makes the anxiety </li></ul><ul><li>Work to become more trusting </li></ul>
  108. 108. SIX in business <ul><li>The engaging, loyal type </li></ul><ul><li>Likable, responsible, anxious, and suspicious </li></ul><ul><li>Are diligent and reliable workers </li></ul><ul><li>Build alliances and partnerships that help orient their co-workers and get things done </li></ul><ul><li>Are able to assess the motivations and relative merits of others and scan the business environment for potential problems </li></ul><ul><li>Dislike taking risks and want consensus and predictability </li></ul><ul><li>Indecisive and have difficulty taking responsibility or action without group authority and can deteriorate into evasiveness and blaming others </li></ul><ul><li>At their best, Sixes are self-reliant, independent, and courageous, often calling a group back to its root values. </li></ul>
  109. 109. SIX’s leadership: the Partner <ul><li>Partners at their best are highly team-oriented leaders and excellent managers who bring out the best in everyone. These are energetic executives who attend to interdependent organizational needs, which shows up in their language as thoughts about the group. </li></ul><ul><li>Their driving force is fear, which is manifested in less well-developed Sixes as a fixation on accusation of others (particularly those in authority). Sixes also look for hidden agendas, and experience self-doubt. They may procrastinate and/or blurt out their feelings with a kind of reckless courage (driven by their anxieties), and then worry that they've shot themselves in the foot--and they may have. The good news is that they challenge others in ways that hold them accountable; the bad news is that they're always looking for the bad news! </li></ul><ul><li>Developmental skills include getting a reality check on their fears, empowering themselves vs. blaming others, focusing more on possibilities vs. worries, and centering their verbal presentations on a central theme and several key points. Their key development need is courage, consistent with a certain kind of &quot;morality&quot;: recognizing their own contribution to situations instead of playing &quot;victim&quot;. </li></ul>
  110. 110. SIX’s management <ul><li>Leadership: Conservative leadership </li></ul><ul><li>Strategy: Risk-averse strategy </li></ul><ul><li>Decision Making: Decision through analysis </li></ul><ul><li>Managing Change: Traditionalist </li></ul><ul><li>Delegating: The insecure delegator </li></ul><ul><li>Communication: The cautious communicators </li></ul><ul><li>Negotiation: The inflexible negotiator </li></ul><ul><li>Power: Legitimate Power </li></ul>
  111. 111. Famous SIXES <ul><li>Robert F. Kennedy, Malcolm X, Princess Diana, George H. W. Bush, Tom Hanks, Bruce Springsteen, Candice Bergen, Gilda Radner, Meg Ryan, Helen Hunt, Mel Gibson, Patrick Swayze, Julia Roberts, Phil Donahue, Jay Leno, John Goodman, Diane Keaton, Woody Allen, David Letterman, Andy Rooney, Jessica Lange, Tom Clancy, J. Edgar Hoover, Richard Nixon, and &quot;George Costanza&quot; (Seinfeld) </li></ul>
  112. 112. 7. The Enthusiast/Adventurer/Generalist/Visionary/Epicure/Materialist <ul><li>SEVENS at their BEST </li></ul><ul><li>Fun-loving </li></ul><ul><li>Spontaneous </li></ul><ul><li>Imaginative </li></ul><ul><li>Productive </li></ul><ul><li>Enthusiastic </li></ul><ul><li>Quick </li></ul><ul><li>Confident </li></ul><ul><li>Charming </li></ul><ul><li>Curious </li></ul><ul><li>Perceptive </li></ul><ul><li>Generous </li></ul><ul><li>Creative </li></ul><ul><li>Caring </li></ul><ul><li>SEVENS at their WORST </li></ul><ul><li>Narcissistic </li></ul><ul><li>Impulsive </li></ul><ul><li>Unfocused </li></ul><ul><li>Rebellious </li></ul><ul><li>Undisciplined </li></ul><ul><li>Possessive </li></ul><ul><li>Manic </li></ul><ul><li>Self-destructive </li></ul><ul><li>Restless </li></ul><ul><li>Self-centered </li></ul><ul><li>Grabbing </li></ul><ul><li>Mendacious </li></ul><ul><li>Hypocritical </li></ul><ul><li>Ruthless </li></ul>Motivated by the need to be happy and plan fun things, to contribute to the world, and to avoid pain and suffering. MBTI: ESTP,ESFP,ENTP,ENFP
  113. 113. SEVEN's fear - desire - wings <ul><li>Fear: being deprived and in pain </li></ul><ul><li>Desire: to have needs fulfilled </li></ul><ul><li>SIX-wing: the Entertainer </li></ul><ul><li>EIGHT-wing: the Realist </li></ul>
  114. 114. SEVEN’s passion & fixation: gluttony & planning <ul><li>Gluttony: focus on myriad enjoyable possibilities. Sample a little of all the best available </li></ul><ul><li>Planning: more fun planning for everything than doing, a way of being open to all possibilites </li></ul>
  115. 115. SEVEN’s stress: toward ONE <ul><li>Firm boundaries leads to them becoming irritable, nit-picking, angry at anything, self-critical </li></ul>
  116. 116. SEVEN’s security: toward FIVE <ul><li>Satisfied to take a more background role </li></ul>
  117. 117. SEVEN subtypes <ul><li>Self-preservation: gluttony expressed by forming a family of like-minded people </li></ul><ul><li>Social: go to the happiness of the group, short-term sacrifice own enjoyment for the group </li></ul><ul><li>Sexual: fascination to new people and their new possibilities </li></ul>
  118. 118. SEVEN’s relationships <ul><li>Value friendships and family </li></ul><ul><li>Loyal, supporting, stimulating </li></ul>
  119. 119. SEVEN’s virtue & idea: sobriety and holy work <ul><li>Sobriety: emotions are focused and single-pointed. The complete experience is only available within themselves </li></ul><ul><li>Holy work is the state which is called ‘the condition of complete simplicity costing not less than everything’ </li></ul>
  120. 120. SEVEN learning
  121. 121. SEVEN growth tips <ul><li>Take up a meditation practice; notice the boredom factor in personal growth (been there, done that) and stay steady with it </li></ul><ul><li>Realize that pleasure is only half the story: remind one’s self to may be missing something, and include painful experiences </li></ul><ul><li>Notice one’s mind racing and reaching for options: slow down and focus on the present moment whether pleasant or painful; ask one’s self what one is avoiding </li></ul><ul><li>Let go of some of the options: a deeper focus on fewer things may bring one more valuable experiences </li></ul><ul><li>Notice one’s self rationalizing a re-framing, particularly when criticized or pinned down – ask one’s self: ‘What are the facts?’ </li></ul><ul><li>Learn to include criticism and conflict </li></ul><ul><li>Observe impulses rather than giving in to them </li></ul><ul><li>Appreciate silence and solitude </li></ul><ul><li>Opportunities may come back again </li></ul><ul><li>Quality over quantity </li></ul><ul><li>Make sure what wanted is good for the long run </li></ul>
  122. 122. SEVEN in business <ul><li>The accomplished, upbeat type </li></ul><ul><li>Spontaneous, versatile, impulsive, and scattered </li></ul><ul><li>Thrive on change, variety, excitement, and innovation </li></ul><ul><li>Articulate and humorous, they are able to get others to support their ideas </li></ul><ul><li>In touch with the latest trends and are constantly looking for new possibilities and options </li></ul><ul><li>Natural multi-taskers but can also get overextended and lack follow-through </li></ul><ul><li>Deteriorate into endless talk and distractions, scattering their energy and talents and leaving many projects unfinished </li></ul><ul><li>At their best, Sevens focus on worthwhile goals and become highly productive and accomplished. </li></ul>
  123. 123. SEVEN’s leadership: the Futurist <ul><li>Charming and easy to talk to, highly evolved Futurists are the organization's cheerleaders because of their natural optimism. They focus on long-term perspective and possibilities. Equality is important to them, so Sevens sometimes have to work around organizational constraints. </li></ul><ul><li>Less developed leaders of this type can seem egotistical because they love to tell anecdotes and may forget to invite others to talk. They're sometimes perceived as lacking analytical ability because of oversimplifying or skating over the surface. The Seven's driving force is gluttony, a seeking of pleasure in order to avoid pain; consequently they are over-focused (fixated) on enthusiasm (the &quot;bad&quot; news is that they only want to hear the good news) and uneasy activity. </li></ul><ul><li>Developmental skills include contingency planning for problems, eliciting and accepting feedback, using negative reframing to counter their optimism, and -- particularly -- disciplining themselves to follow through on their own development (it's hard work)! Their key development need is temperance: seeking moderation and letting go of materialism. </li></ul>
  124. 124. SEVEN’s management <ul><li>Leadership: Visionary leadership </li></ul><ul><li>Strategy: Possibility-oriented </li></ul><ul><li>Decision Making: Participatory </li></ul><ul><li>Managing Change: Facilitator </li></ul><ul><li>Delegating: the optimistic delegator </li></ul><ul><li>Communication: the Diplomatic Communicator </li></ul><ul><li>Negotiation: The charming negotiator </li></ul><ul><li>Power: Referent power </li></ul>
  125. 125. Famous SEVENS <ul><li>John F. Kennedy, Benjamin Franklin, Leonard Bernstein, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Elizabeth Taylor, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Steven Spielberg, Federico Fellini, Richard Feynman, Timothy Leary, Robin Williams, Jim Carey, Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Bette Midler, Chuck Berry, Elton John, Mick Jagger, Gianni Versace, Liza Minelli, Joan Collins, Malcolm Forbes, Noel Coward, Sarah Ferguson, Larry King, Joan Rivers, Regis Philbin, Howard Stern, John Belushi, and &quot;Auntie Mame&quot; (Mame) </li></ul>
  126. 126. 8. The Challenger/Asserter/Protector/Boss/Activator/Leader <ul><li>EIGHTS at their BEST </li></ul><ul><li>Direct </li></ul><ul><li>Authoritative </li></ul><ul><li>Loyal </li></ul><ul><li>Energetic </li></ul><ul><li>Earthy </li></ul><ul><li>Protective </li></ul><ul><li>Self-confident </li></ul><ul><li>Deeply loving </li></ul><ul><li>Empowering </li></ul><ul><li>EIGHTS at their WORST </li></ul><ul><li>Controlling </li></ul><ul><li>Rebellious </li></ul><ul><li>Insensitive </li></ul><ul><li>Domineering </li></ul><ul><li>Self-centered </li></ul><ul><li>Skeptical </li></ul><ul><li>Aggressive </li></ul><ul><li>Cynics </li></ul><ul><li>Bullies </li></ul><ul><li>Law-breakers </li></ul><ul><li>Forcing, lying, violent </li></ul>Motivated by the need to be self-reliant and strong, to make an impact on the world, and to avoid being weak. MBTI: ENTJ,ESTJ,ENTP,ESTP
  127. 127. EIGHT's fear - desire - wings <ul><li>Fear: being harmed or controlled </li></ul><ul><li>Desire: to protect one’s self </li></ul><ul><li>SEVEN-wing: the Maverick </li></ul><ul><li>NINE-wing: the Bear </li></ul>
  128. 128. EIGHT’s passion & fixation: lust & vengeance <ul><li>Lust for life: defuse energy and release strain of constant control, one way of self-forgetting </li></ul><ul><li>Vengeance: right the wrong </li></ul>
  129. 129. EIGHT’s stress: toward FIVE <ul><li>Withdraw to think things through and regain balance </li></ul>
  130. 130. EIGHT’s security: toward TWO <ul><li>More compliant, giving, easily affected </li></ul><ul><li>Protective and empowering instincts are magnified </li></ul><ul><li>Brings insecurities to retreat </li></ul>
  131. 131. EIGHT subtypes <ul><li>Self-preservation: ensure they have what they need to survive in a satisfactory way </li></ul><ul><li>Social: networking, introduce friends to each other, provide mutual support </li></ul><ul><li>Sexual: look for whom they can trust enough to surrender to and let go of control; vulnerable to betrayal </li></ul>
  132. 132. EIGHT’s relationships <ul><li>Independent and pleasure-loving </li></ul><ul><li>Loyal for life </li></ul><ul><li>Dogmatic </li></ul>
  133. 133. EIGHT’s virtue & idea: innocence & truth <ul><li>Innocence: world is without hidden intent. Their grasp for experiences is to recreate the essential experience of life force flowing through them fully and rightly </li></ul><ul><li>Truth: totality of existence as it is </li></ul>
  134. 134. EIGHT learning
  135. 135. EIGHT growth tips <ul><li>Take up a meditation practice, and stay with it when one’s impulse is to get up and go </li></ul><ul><li>Use anger to remind one to relax and breathe deeply several times a day </li></ul><ul><li>Check out one’s impact with one’s friends and colleagues: are you being too much? </li></ul><ul><li>In confrontations, make sure one listen to the other side, and use it as an opportunity to recognize the validity of other points of view </li></ul><ul><li>Start to question whether excessive behaviors (socializing and so on) are a way of concealing and forgetting real priorities </li></ul><ul><li>Write down and review insights about one’s self daily as a way of opposing self-forgetfulness and denial </li></ul><ul><li>Act with self-restraint </li></ul><ul><li>Allow others to have their own way </li></ul><ul><li>Remember the world is not against one’s self </li></ul><ul><li>Be aware that one is dependent despite always wanting to be independent </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t overvalue power </li></ul>
  136. 136. EIGHT in business <ul><li>The powerful, decisive type </li></ul><ul><li>Self-confident, commanding, willful, and confrontational </li></ul><ul><li>Have a clear vision of what they want to accomplish and the willpower to make it happen </li></ul><ul><li>Make difficult decisions and see serious problems simply as challenges to be met, obstacles to be overcome </li></ul><ul><li>Want to be in control and find it difficult to delegate tasks or share leadership </li></ul><ul><li>Champion people, protecting and empowering them, but also can deteriorate into intimidation to get their way, making unnecessary enemies both within and outside the organization </li></ul><ul><li>At their best, they are magnanimous and generous, using their strength to improve others' lives. </li></ul>
  137. 137. EIGHT’s leadership: the Advocate <ul><li>Advocate leaders who have paid attention to their own development are able to shoulder huge responsibility without having to control everything. Right beneath the surface they are soft-hearted; when this is tempered with their typical self-confidence, they have loyal followers and can truly move mountains. </li></ul><ul><li>Unfortunately, Eights have the reputation of power mongers and tyrants because it is difficult for them to feel enough trust to acknowledge any vulnerability. Their driving force is lust/excess. Often, they feel it is their responsibility to intervene in and direct situations, and they pursue power and control (their fixation) aggressively. They hold a value for justice--as self-defined! Advocates can have a &quot;bull - in - the - china - shop&quot; approach because they speak in imperatives. </li></ul><ul><li>Developmental skills include enhancing their ability to put themselves in others' shoes, collaborative negotiation and active listening skills, and respecting and mentoring others. Their key development need is innocence -- a regaining of the child they never were, accompanied by a shift to more altruistic and benign modes of operating, a focus on service to the world. </li></ul>
  138. 138. EIGHT’s management <ul><li>Leadership: Autocratic leadership </li></ul><ul><li>Strategy: Aggressive strategy </li></ul><ul><li>Decision Making: Impulsive decision maker </li></ul><ul><li>Managing Change: Emergency change mgr. </li></ul><ul><li>Delegating: The controlling delegator </li></ul><ul><li>Communication: The blunt communicators </li></ul><ul><li>Negotiation: The win-lose negotiator </li></ul><ul><li>Power: coercive power </li></ul>
  139. 139. Famous EIGHTS <ul><li>Martin Luther King, Jr., Franklin Roosevelt, Lyndon Johnson, Mikhail Gorbachev, G.I. Gurdjieff, Pablo Picasso, Richard Wagner, Sean Connery, Susan Sarandon, Glenn Close, John Wayne, Charlton Heston, Norman Mailer, Mike Wallace, Barbara Walters, Ann Richards, Toni Morrison, Lee Iococca, Donald Trump, Frank Sinatra, Bette Davis, Roseanne Barr, James Brown, Chrissie Hynde, Courtney Love, Leona Helmsley, Sigourney Weaver, Fidel Castro, and Saddham Hussein </li></ul>
  140. 140. 9. The Peacemaker/Mediator/Universalist/Preservationlist <ul><li>NINES at their BEST </li></ul><ul><li>Pleasant </li></ul><ul><li>Peaceful </li></ul><ul><li>Generous </li></ul><ul><li>Patient </li></ul><ul><li>Receptive </li></ul><ul><li>Diplomatic </li></ul><ul><li>Open-minded </li></ul><ul><li>Empathic </li></ul><ul><li>Generous </li></ul><ul><li>Forgiving </li></ul><ul><li>NINES at their WORST </li></ul><ul><li>Spaced-out </li></ul><ul><li>Forgetful </li></ul><ul><li>Stubborn </li></ul><ul><li>Obsessive </li></ul><ul><li>Apathetic </li></ul><ul><li>Passive-aggressive </li></ul><ul><li>Judgmental </li></ul><ul><li>Unassertive </li></ul><ul><li>Needy </li></ul><ul><li>Indecisive </li></ul>Motivated by the need to keep the peace, merges with others, and avoid conflict. MBTI: ISFP,INFP,ISFJ,ESTP
  141. 141. NINE's fear - desire - wings <ul><li>Fear: loss and separation </li></ul><ul><li>Desire: peace in mind </li></ul><ul><li>EIGHT-wing: the Referee </li></ul><ul><li>ONE-wing: the Dreamer </li></ul>
  142. 142. NINE’s passion & fixation: sloth & indolence <ul><li>Sloth keeps them disconnected from their own emotions, replacing them with awareness of others’ moods </li></ul><ul><li>Inertial indolence: self-neglect, cannot motivate themselves to choose and act. Narcotizing: numbing themselves with repetitive & compulsive inessential activities </li></ul>
  143. 143. NINE’s stress: toward SIX <ul><li>Fearful </li></ul><ul><li>Either withdrawn & more compliant or obdurate, more stubborn and belligerent </li></ul><ul><li>Indecisions turn to doubt, only safety lies in refusing to act </li></ul>
  144. 144. NINE’s security: toward THREE <ul><li>Energy directed, achieve </li></ul><ul><li>Tendency to seek approval leads to them doing what others want </li></ul>
  145. 145. NINE subtypes <ul><li>Self-preservation: avoid taking action </li></ul><ul><li>Social: merging with the group, act on behalf of the group to the extent that they lose themselves </li></ul><ul><li>Sexual: find a person with whom they can merge completely, feeling thereby they will find themselves </li></ul>
  146. 146. NINE’s relationship <ul><li>Supportive relationships are important </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid commitment and disengaging </li></ul>
  147. 147. NINE’s virtue & idea: right action & love <ul><li>Right action: understand energy and intuitive wisdom lie in them </li></ul><ul><li>Love: ‘I’ means to be separate. Them realize they do not need to deny or suppress themselves since they are already fundamentally inseparable and loved in return </li></ul>
  148. 148. NINE learning
  149. 149. NINE growth tips <ul><li>Start a daily practice of previewing what is important for one today, and reviewing how well one did with this </li></ul><ul><li>Start a practice or join a group which encourages one to contact and express one’s gut feelings in the moment, including anger </li></ul><ul><li>Notice when one get distracted or obsessive, what the accompanying feelings were/are, and start to let one’s self feel them through </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid belittling one’s self and making others more important or more intelligent </li></ul><ul><li>Decide on goals, make action plans with clear time frames, and enlist support in sticking to them </li></ul><ul><li>Notice one’s stubbornness and passive resistance, and start to state what one disagree with </li></ul><ul><li>Be one’s self </li></ul><ul><li>Exert one’s self </li></ul><ul><li>Recognize own feelings </li></ul><ul><li>Be award of sacrificing peace in mind for the satisfaction of genuine relationship </li></ul>
  150. 150. NINE in business <ul><li>The easygoing, accommodating type </li></ul><ul><li>Receptive, reassuring, agreeable, and complacent </li></ul><ul><li>Create harmony among group members by emphasizing the positive so that conflicts and tensions can be eased </li></ul><ul><li>Supportive and inclusive and work with everyone, humbly allowing others to shine </li></ul><ul><li>Dislike conflict and division in the team and try to create harmony and stability </li></ul><ul><li>May accommodate others and avoid self-assertion too much, becoming secretly angry as a result </li></ul><ul><li>Deteriorate into ineffectual &quot;make-work,&quot; stubborn passivity, and serious neglect </li></ul><ul><li>At their best, they are able to negotiate differences and bring people together in a stable but dynamic way. </li></ul>
  151. 151. NINE’s leadership: the Diplomat <ul><li>Serene and centered, well-developed Diplomats bring cooperation to any organization; they are highly capable of dealing with others' problems and building consensus. They have a natural tendency to honor diversity, and can get along with almost anyone. </li></ul><ul><li>Unexamined Nines tend to merge with others' preferences, however, and to forget their own. Taking a strong position is particularly difficult for them, because they see all sides of an issue and because they are essentially non-aggressive. Their driving force is indolence--not that they're lazy (they're very hard workers) but that they are out of touch with their own wishes, a fixation on self-forgetting. Though quiet, once they get started they tend toward epic tales (they hold so many alternative views it's hard to focus). </li></ul><ul><li>Developmental skills include learning to speak up/confront others, recognizing passive-aggressive behavior/becoming more assertive, setting priorities/sticking to them, staying focused, and initiating change. Their key development need is active engagement, the willingness to stay focused on their own purpose, without distraction. </li></ul>
  152. 152. NINE’s management <ul><li>Leadership: Empowering leadership </li></ul><ul><li>Strategy: Harmony-centered strategy </li></ul><ul><li>Decision Making: Consensus-oriented decision </li></ul><ul><li>Managing Change: Collaborative change manager </li></ul><ul><li>Delegating: The naive delegator </li></ul><ul><li>Communication: The ambiguous communicator </li></ul><ul><li>Negotiation: The win-win negotiator </li></ul><ul><li>Power: Group power </li></ul>
  153. 153. Famous NINES <ul><li>Abraham Lincoln, Joseph Campbell, Carl Jung, Ronald Reagan, Gerald Ford, Queen Elizabeth II, Princess Grace, Walter Cronkite, George Lucas, Walt Disney, John Kennedy, Jr., Sophia Loren, Geena Davis, Lisa Kudrow, Kevin Costner, Keanu Reeves, Woody Harrelson, Ron Howard, Matthew Broderick, Ringo Starr, Whoopi Goldberg, Janet Jackson, Nancy Kerrigan, Jim Hensen, Marc Chagall, Norman Rockwell, &quot;Edith Bunker&quot; (Archie Bunker), and &quot;Marge Simpson&quot; (The Simpsons) </li></ul>
  154. 154. ILLUSTRATIONS
  155. 158. COMPARISON TABLES
  156. 159. Flattery Impressive Failure Emptiness Vanity I am successful, efficient. Heart 3 – competitive, boastful, manipulative Exhorting Guarded Anger Depression Prudence I am correct. I am right. Gut 1 – strict, authoritarian, defensive Direct Debunk Prophetic Being cheated Confront Instant Action I am powerful. I can do. Gut 8 – arrogant, dominating, inconsiderate, stubborn III. AGGRESSIVE PERSONS Chatty Spiritual Conflict Problematic situations Taking things slightly I am OK, fine, nice. Head 7 – lack self-discipline, happy-go-lucky immature Cautious Deviance mistakes Reflection I am obedient, faithful, loyal. Head 6 – lack self-confidence, lack conviction Attending Advising Imposing on others Affirmation attending I can give, support. Heart 2 – shy repressed II. DEPENDENT PERSONS Theoretical On & On Stupidity Intellectualization Rationalization I am wise, perceptive. Heart 5 – indifferent ascetic problematic Protracted Lamentation Pressure Ordinariness Introspection I am special, unique, refined. Heart 4 – lonely Brief Emotionalism Excitability Calmness. Serenity I am set. I am settled. Gut 9 – passive phlegmatic I. WITHDRAWN PERSONS Style of Speaking Avoidance Ego-Fixation Idealization Energy Center
  157. 160. Overall aim and attitude http://www.wischik.com/damon/Texts/enneagram.html Restlessness, presumption Weakness Seriousness Break laws Rely on others Ordinariness Acceptance of failure Sense of own needs Not try to do better Sense of Vice Sloth Arrogance, lack of remorse Inauthentic reaction to reality Self-righteous Lack of generosity Vainglory Vanity Manipulativeness Anger What the virtue really is Sense of justice Gentle disposition Temperance Commitment to absolute values Reflective dialogue Simplicity Humility Virtuous love of self Self-acceptance What the vice really is Detachment Strength Constant cheerfulness Obeying rules Lone thinker, withdrawn, aloof Sensitivity, couthness Success, efficiency Helpfulness Critical standards for self Sense of Virtue I’m OK I’m powerful I’m nice I’m loyal I’m knowing I’m unique I’m successful I’m helpful I’m hard-working Pride Tranquil, harmonious Strong, just Fun-filled Dutiful, loyal, responsible Full of learning Unique Successful Helpful Perfect Seek to be Conflict Weakness Pain Deviance Emptiness Ordinariness Failure Recognizing one’s needs Anger Avoid NINE EIGHT SEVEN SIX FIVE FOUR THREE TWO ONE
  158. 161. Attitudes and Characters http://www.wischik.com/damon/Texts/enneagram.html Metronomic, need schedules Control time, punctual Time is expandable, procrastinate Time is the boss Watch time go by reflectively Time is measure by emotional intensity Time is to be used Interpersonal is good time Not enough time, dragged on by it Experience of time Gut Gut Gut Gut Gut,Heart Heart Head Head,Gut Heart Head Head Head Head Head,Heart Gut Heart Heart,Head Gut Heart Heart Heart Heart Heart,Gut Head Gut Gut,Heart Head Centre Active Denied Harmony Control Plans Apprehensions Correctness Scripts Appearances Approval Shoulds Resulting sense of life Withdrawing Aggressive Dependent Dependent Withdrawing Withdrawing Aggressive Dependent Aggressive Mode of behavior Outer-inner harmony Inner order Outer order Outer-inner harmony Inner order Outer order Outer-inner harmony Inner order Outer order Self-concept NINE EIGHT SEVEN SIX FIVE FOUR THREE TWO ONE
  159. 162. Faults http://www.wischik.com/damon/Texts/enneagram.html lack a natural spontaneous response, content with habitual friends, content with repetitious interests think they are relating, when actually asserting make plans, presume others will fall in threatened by new knowledge, rigid behaviour, duty rather than affection deliberate, self-conscious, awkward behaviour is put-on, expressing feeling not self sacrifice personal relationships, only interested in self-service, body-language is a mark narrow perspective, only talk about people special to them biased thinking, make situation deal with them, not try to understand whole Behavior Elephant Rhino Monkey Rabbit Fox Basset hound Peacock Cat Terrier Totem Indolence, relying on others Anaesthetized to life Authoritarianism Quick to negate, slow to affirm, sledgehammer Tries to avoid pain, over-indulgence Whitewash the unpleasant Legalism, self-righteousness Unsure for self, lack confidence to act on own, indecisive Aloof, concerns about other’s thought rather than understanding Elaborate system substitutes for reality Melancholy, snobbish, unreal as a person Dramatize ordinary suffering Success machine, with no place for others Image-conscious, vanity Clingly, selfish, manipulative Project, repress, deny own needs, little identity apart from ability to help Obsessive, fussy, on edge, hard to live with one’s self Obsessed with unreal perfection Pitfalls Laziness Arrogance Over-indulgence Fear Stinginess Envy Deceit Pride Acidic inner anger Passion NINE EIGHT SEVEN SIX FIVE FOUR THREE TWO ONE
  160. 163. Good points http://www.wischik.com/damon/Texts/enneagram.html Gold or saffron Black or white Green Beige Cobalt Mauve Bright yellow Red Silver Symbolic color Porpoise Tiger Butterfly Deer Owl Black beauty Bald eagle Irish setter Ant Redeemed Totem patience sense of justice, fearless, speaks up, doesn't compromise, conscience enjoyment, fun loyalty, dedication to his society, dutiful seek wisdom, guru sensitive work hard for achievement responds to people's needs idealism, fairness Good points quality excellent reconcilers, naturally objective, impartial, dispassionate see through pretension and hypocrisy, gravitate to power, use strength to debunk optimistic, enthusiastic, guileless, contagious enjoyment of life loyality, conscience think systematically, generalize romantic, passion for spontaneity and simplicity, original expression enthusiastic, precise, good leaders helpful, attentive, see others' needs persue perfection, defend truth, generously teach others, self-improvement Good points to take on NINE EIGHT SEVEN SIX FIVE FOUR THREE TWO ONE
  161. 164. RELATIONSHIPS
  162. 165. ONE – ONE <ul><li>What Each Type Brings to the Relationship </li></ul><ul><li>As with all double-type relationships, two Enneagram Ones bring the same general qualities to each other. Therein lies both a main source of the attraction as well as one of the main pitfalls of this pair. Two Ones will be concerned with fairness, truthfulness, keeping agreements, schedules, consistency, and treating the other wish respect and dignity. Work and taking care of responsibilities will tend to come first, with play and pleasure taking a back seat for this couple. Vacations and leisure, partying and recreation will all be fitted in after the more important things are accomplished. Each will feel like (and take the role of) the adult in most situations, making for a highly competent, rational approach to life and problem solving. </li></ul><ul><li>In their dealings with each other (as well as with family and friends), two Ones will want to be objective and reasonable, fair and truthful above all else—and will seek these qualities in others. They create an atmosphere of clarity and precision in which their own interactions with each other (and with friends and family) feel clean—not sticky or sentimental or loaded with unspoken ulterior motives. A double One pairing often is created and sustained by shared ideals as well as the desire to put those ideals into practice. Both Ones are typically people who have solid convictions which they enjoy talking about, often with noteworthy articulateness and passion. They also typically have a certain strength of character and a degree of wisdom—which both admire in the other. They could not bear being in a relationship with someone they did not respect and whose character was not sterling. Ones bring their hard-earned wisdom to others, above all, by fighting for tolerance, dignity, and rights of everyone. </li></ul>
  163. 166. ONE – ONE (cont) <ul><li>Potential Trouble Spots or Issues </li></ul><ul><li>Both Ones are governed by a strong sense of right and wrong as well as a sense of responsibility, giving them a feeling of self-restraint and a tendency to feel responsible both for themselves and for everything else in their lives—including the quality of the relationship itself. There can be a noticeable tone of formality in this combination with a reluctance to say or do anything that would be undignified or out of keeping with their sense of propriety and appropriateness. They will have little tolerance for sloppiness, error, or whatever they define as childish behavior in anyone. Irritation and condescending sarcasm are how they express anger with each other, occasionally exploding into a litany of long-standing grievances that have been loaded in their mental account books. Easily frustrated by mistakes or lapses in themselves, they are equally aware of short-comings in each other. </li></ul><ul><li>Average Ones can begin to make the other into a perpetual, unfinished improvement project, although two Ones may well find it too uncomfortable to treat each other this way. They may strike an unspoken deal with each other in which their main criticisms are directed toward others or toward social problems instead. They may bond with each other by becoming indignant about issues and the errors and foolishness of others. They may thus climb atop Olympus together and look down on the world from their privileged, condescending vantage point. Depending on their Level of health, double One couples tend to find few people who measure up to their high standards, with the result that there are fewer social interactions and increasing self-imposed isolation. Some eccentricity and strange habits (both personally and as a couple) can result as they withdraw more completely from most human connections. Two Ones can begin to feel that they are all the world they need-but it can begin to be a cold, unforgiving world as they also begin to barely tolerate each other. </li></ul>
  164. 167. ONE – TWO <ul><li>What Each Type Brings to the Relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Enneagram Ones and Twos are a complementary couple since both offer the other the example of their own qualities. Both types are highly dutiful and are attracted to service roles and occupations: both may be teachers, ministers, or health care workers who have long hours and many responsibilities. One and Two couples are often professionals whose work takes them out of the house and requires the focus of their attention to be on the needs of others, not on the relationship itself or even on themselves personally. People in this kind of relationship are often unusually mature and independent and able to obtain their emotional needs from a variety of people and connections, including their professional ones. They bring high ideals, strong ethical standards, and the desire to serve others to the relationship itself, keeping the relationship strong and in touch with solid values and practical perspectives. </li></ul><ul><li>The relationship is built around shared values: both are on a path of some kind together. Twos bring the nurturing and feelings that Ones do not easily allow themselves: they help Ones soften and relax. On the other hand, Ones bring integrity, conscientiousness, responsibility, and consistency. They are steady, reliable, and truthful. Ones commit strongly which makes the Two feel secure and that they won't be abandoned. Further, Twos bring warmth, a concern with people and a willingness to make exceptions to the rule for individuals in need. They are aware of suffering and work hard and generously to alleviate it wherever they can. Twos are more convivial and welcoming than Ones and can warm up the One's more typically reserved exterior—which most Ones are glad to have happen. </li></ul>
  165. 168. ONE – TWO (cont) <ul><li>Potential Trouble Spots or Issues </li></ul><ul><li>For as concerned about the needs of others as Ones and Twos are, ironically, they tend not to be very aware of their own needs or able to express them easily. Ones feel that life is serious business and that work must always come before play; the lower impulses of the self must be held tightly in check. Twos feel that they must take care of everyone else's needs before they are allowed to have needs themselves. Life is about serving others and making themselves useful to so that others will need them and want them in their lives. Both Ones and Twos, therefore, find it difficult to talk about what they are actually feeling, what is actually going on in the relationship, and what they actually want. In this kind of relationship, there are often ulterior motives and unstated agendas, with no one able to admit that they are not getting what they want—much less that they might not be happy or fulfilled. For both, getting what they want feels selfish and forbidden. Ones can begin to feel disappointed by the Two's tendency to give so much of themselves to others and to be so unregulated regarding time and attention. Twos can seem to Ones to be everywhere else serving on yet another committee or charitable group but in the home or at their job, fulfilling their primary responsibilities. </li></ul><ul><li>On the other hand, Twos can see Ones as too impersonal and unconcerned with others, not sympathetic or charitable enough. They can begin to be disappointed in the reality of the One's idealism, thinking that Ones may love humanity but have little real compassion for real people. Ones can be uncomfortable with the Two's effusiveness and need for contact; Twos can be uncomfortable with the One's sarcasm and irritability. Both will simmer with anger that will slowly but inexorably, lead to escalating arguments. Both can begin to become condemnatory and critical of the other as the relationship drifts apart. </li></ul>
  166. 169. ONE – THREE <ul><li>What Each Type Brings to the Relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Enneagram Ones and Threes are both competent, serious minded, and idealistic. This is a highly task-oriented relationship, with both partners driven to hard work and to be intensely aware when, individually and collectively, they are not measuring up to their own expectations and high standards. Both parties can bring selflessness, self-discipline, good work habits, and the ability to put aside their personal feelings for the sake of the objective good that needs to be done. Both types are used to working so hard that they often succeed, garnering admiration from those around them and attaining places of leadership and responsibility. The One and Three combination can be dazzlingly accomplished, high energy, extraordinarily competent and impressive both individually and collectively. They both strive after excellence, both as an ideal and as something to personally embody. Sometimes they succeed so well that this pairing virtually glows with self-confidence and the thrill of their own talents. They strive to make each other proud of them, someone the other can look up to and show off to his or her friends and family. They enjoy planning and organizing their lives, dividing up responsibilities after seeing who is objectively better at which tasks. Both thrive on respect and give each other personal space. </li></ul><ul><li>There are only two other equally goal-oriented pairings, a One with One combination and a Three with Three pairing, although since these both are same type pairings, they typically have blind spots that these combinations will need to be aware of. Because the One/Three is a mixed pair, this produces a powerful coalition that is capable of dealing both with ideals and with practical matters. They will try to solve problems in the relationship by discussing the issues involved since neither likes emotionally charged bickering or unresolved issues. Ones help Threes to be more grounded and realistic; Threes help Ones stretch themselves and not be so perfectionistic. They are both industrious and persistent, efficient and concerned with excellence and with making a real difference in the world. </li></ul>
  167. 170. ONE – THREE (cont) <ul><li>Potential Trouble Spots or Issues </li></ul><ul><li>If this relationship gets into trouble, it is often over time commitments, lack of emotional attachment to each other, and a creeping sense of competition. Further, Ones tend to find Threes too workaholic, pragmatic, and too concerned with image and with their reputations rather than with principle. Ones can see Threes as tending to cut corners in ethical matters, willing to exaggerate or fudge the truth in order to achieve whatever they are after. They can also become critical of Threes if they change their goals pragmatically, dropping efforts or switching positions when something does not work for them. Ones may also have issues with Threes attempting to reinterpret ethical questions and with not owning up to their personal behavior, including their behavior regarding fidelity in the relationship itself. </li></ul><ul><li>On the other hand, Threes tend to find Ones too rigid and judgmental in their attitudes and inflexible in various areas. While Threes generally value Ones' organizational ability and ability get things done, Threes can also feel that Ones are too narrow-minded and methodical, too perfectionistic and focused on details rather than results. Threes may have issues with Ones about feeling they are being stifled or judged both for their attitudes and for their actions. Threes thrive on praise, but stressed Ones are unable to give any credit to themselves, much less to anyone else. Threes see Ones' critiques of them as nitpicking and time wasting. Eventually, Threes start avoiding Ones, triggering Ones' abandonment issues—and more anger and criticism. Both gradually lose respect for the other: Ones losing respect for the Three's integrity, and Threes losing respect for Ones effectiveness. An open break can occur, but if both find the relationship useful, it can endure as a professional marriage without much passion but because it is useful to both parties for their continued professional success and personal status. </li></ul>
  168. 171. ONE – FOUR <ul><li>What Each Type Brings to the Relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Enneagram Ones and Fours have an intense mutual interest to bring something good and beautiful into the world. Both are idealistic and concerned with getting it right in their work and self-expressions. Both see how things could be, how a project could become an expression of an ideal form, if all went well. By working together, something universal and transcendent could result in their work and in their relationship itself. Ones bring a desire for objectivity, truth, value, and reason to the relationship. They offer self-discipline, good work habits, and regularity to the relationship. Ones are conscientious and will sublimate themselves and their personal needs for the greater good, including the shared vision and goals that they feel are at the core of the relationship itself. Ones can act as valuable sounding boards for Fours, offering advice and wisdom when Fours get confused by the multitude of their feelings or their self-doubts. Fours bring creativity, intense feelings, sensuality, spontaneity, inspiration, and the ability to tap into dreams, the unconscious, and other universal forces. Their expressiveness and emotionality can be a welcome counterbalance to the One's typical formality and sense of order and reason. </li></ul><ul><li>Fours give Ones permission to explore and express the full range of the One's feelings and passions. Ones help Fours actualize their dreams by supporting creativity with healthy self-discipline and appropriate structure. In general, Ones bring self-restraint to the relationship, which may act as a model for Fours, who tend to be more unregulated. Both types have a taste for refinement, beauty, and a cultivation of the arts, and if both appreciate what the other offers, they can make a long lasting, productive team that helps balance the limitations of the other while bringing out qualities that each lacks—one of the primary functions of all good relationships. </li></ul>
  169. 172. ONE – FOUR (cont) <ul><li>Potential Trouble Spots or Issues </li></ul><ul><li>A relationship between Ones and Fours can sometimes be like mixing oil and water: they tend to separate quickly because they see things from the opposite points of view. Ones think that they are almost always being sensible and objective, while Fours do not try to be &quot;objective&quot;—they want to see things from the subjective, personal side. While both bring a kind of idealism to the relationship, it is usually idealism applied to different things. Ones will be idealistic about social causes, morality, politics, and global issues, while Fours are idealistic, even perfectionistic, about aspects of their personal lives—their lifestyle, their mate, and their choice of work. Both can reinforce each other's sense of superiority, leading to elitism and snobbery toward others. Both can become disdainful and condescending toward those who have less breeding, taste, or sense of refinement—and the habit of being disappointed in others can be turned against each other as well. </li></ul><ul><li>Both types are ironically highly aware of their impulses, their sensuality, their longings and frustrations, but they both attempt to handle these issues in diametrically different ways. Thus, one of the biggest areas of conflict between Ones and Fours is in self-discipline versus self-indulgence, between personal and emotional impulses either being acted out (Fours) or being suppressed (Ones). Ones can begin to see Fours as hopelessly emotional, self-absorbed and self-indulgent, while Fours can begin to see Ones as insufferably rigid, judgmental, and cold. Fours can become as angry, critical, intolerant, and self-righteous as low-functioning Ones, and Ones can become as melancholy, self-pitying, alienated, and depressed as low-functioning Fours. In short, Ones and Fours may end by being disaffected with each other for being the way they are: they are not an imagined ideal. Both can be unforgiving, keeping scores and remembering long-past hurts. The relationship can deteriorate into bitter frustration with each other and end as the result of rancorous arguments. </li></ul>
  170. 173. ONE – FIVE <ul><li>What Each Type Brings to the Relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Enneagram Ones and Fives are alike in many ways, particularly in their reticence to show their emotions directly and in their identification with their minds. Both see themselves as fact-oriented, although Fives are more purely mental while Ones like their ideas and philosophies to have practical ramifications. Both bring to their relationship a desire to be objective; they both want to avoid falling into sentimentality, or to allow their feelings to cloud their mental clarity. Ones and Fives share a rich mental life of intellectual stimulation, curiosity, and a multiplicity of mutual interests—from the opera to sports to politics to economics to history, and so forth. Ones and Fives often enjoy each other's company and intellectual stimulation, loving to debate and admiring the intelligence and expertise exhibited by the other. Unexpectedly, they tickle each other's funny bone—this pair loves to laugh together at life's absurdities. Child rearing, traveling, building a house, shared hobbies, or other complex activities are mutually stimulating and bonding for them. </li></ul><ul><li>They both are highly respectful of personal boundaries, rarely being the one to make the first move in anything regarding intimacy unless they have pretty strong signals from the other that they would be welcomed. Thus, Ones and Fives tend to bring a certain formality and courtesy to each other that can be charmingly courtly and old-fashioned. Ones add to this a concern with logic and order, with systematic thinking, attention to details and the desire to improve the world around them. Fives bring curiosity, the willingness to be intellectually (and sexually) adventuresome, a taste for the bizarre and illogical, and the ability to relish disorder, chaos, and lack of apparent meaning. There is quiet affectionate appreciation in this pairing. If romance develops, it develops slowly but deeply. </li></ul>
  171. 174. ONE – FIVE (cont) <ul><li>Potential Trouble Spots or Issues </li></ul><ul><li>As intellectual as both types tend to be, they are also opposites in important areas, and this can lead to conflicts and the eventual breakdown of their relationship. Most seriously, Ones tend to believe in the objectivity of certain truths and believe that once these are known, there is the possibility of arriving at objective certitude. Ones feel that their ideals and philosophy have given them contact with some form of ultimate Truth, and therefore they are living from a viewpoint in which acquiring certainty is a moral imperative. Fives, on the other hand, feel that there is no such thing as objective truth, merely possible interpretations for what seems to be objective reality. We may come to some degree of consensus, but that does not necessarily mean that our consensus reflects anything completely objective. It just means that we choose to think the same way. Fives are thus skeptics and debunkers of certitude. They love to debate and deflate ironclad philosophies and self-righteously held positions wherever they find them. Thus, less healthy Ones can drift into various forms of fundamentalism, believing that they hold the key to truth, while Fives can become provocative nihilists, believing that there is no truth. </li></ul><ul><li>In a relationship, both types find it very difficult to change their basic philosophies of life—and they both find it difficult to respect anyone who believes the opposite of them. Yet both can respect the other's boundaries to a fault, not wanting to impose their own beliefs on the other. The relationship can thus become cool and distant, impersonal and analytic, tinged with resignation and cynicism. Ones can feel that Fives are too impractical and endlessly concerned with irrelevancies; Fives can feel that Ones are too serious and rigid and that they take their opinions far too seriously. Both can become too self-contained, evolving their lives in separate spheres-perhaps only getting together for occasional meals, to sleep, or to solve pressing problems. Coldness and isolation take over and may last for years, without either of them realizing it very clearly much less feeling that either of them can do very much about it. </li></ul>
  172. 175. ONE – SIX <ul><li>What Each Type Brings to the Relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Enneagram Ones and Sixes are alike in many ways and they are often misidentified with each other. Both types are extremely hard workers, conscientious, serious minded, and have a strong sense of duty and honor. They both care deeply about truth and commitment, and both have a desire to serve others and improve the world. Both have a guiding sense of purpose, often lead by deeply held beliefs and ideals. Of course, they also bring other qualities that are especially their own. Ones bring a sense of reason and mental clarity, the ability to think clearly under pressure and to come to firm decisions quickly. They are more sure of themselves and their opinions than Sixes tend to be, so Ones often serve as the leader in a One-Six relationship, making the final decision and taking responsibility for it. Ones also bring a concern for order and consistency, for logic and elegance that is sometime lacking in Sixes. They may also bring a distinct idealism that has little to do with personal loyalty or hero worship (as it may in a Six). </li></ul><ul><li>On the other hand, Sixes bring warmth, more emotional responsiveness and availability, generosity, and playfulness that can be endearing and which can make Ones think twice about their certitudes and positions. Sixes also have the ability to connect with people in a more direct and human way than Ones tend to do. These qualities are attractive to the other and they can make this couple a dynamic and yet highly stable team, provided their fundamental beliefs are in alignment. They take responsibility in relationships, sharing burdens and chores equally. They also feel that they can count on the other: they are steadfast, loyal, and faithful to each other, wanting to build a solid foundation together. Because both can count on the other, this gives both room to relax—something they both need to do more often. </li></ul>
  173. 176. ONE – SIX (cont) <ul><li>Potential Trouble Spots or Issues </li></ul><ul><li>As stress increases, Ones become more critical and judgmental of everyone including themselves and their partner. They tend to be a clear case of all work and no play, making them fairly joyless and difficult to be around even in the average Levels. Ones begin to feel that others are not trying hard enough, are not serious enough, or not mature and meticulous enough—or certainly not as much as Ones are themselves. This creates resentment and accusations and fairly constant bickering which can be extremely wearing on Sixes more than it is on Ones. As they become more stressed, Sixes become increasingly emotionally reactive, worrying and insecure, looking to their partner to be a bulwark of stability and fairness. What Sixes find instead are Ones who are critical, faultfinding, and rejecting—driving Sixes deeper into their feelings of anxiety and insecurity. This often makes Sixes begin to doubt the future of the relationship, feeling that it is likely doomed, which can often become a self-fulfilling prophesy. </li></ul><ul><li>If tensions continue, Sixes will be increasingly defensive and evasive; they will also tend to work harder and to stay away from home more frequently so that they can avoid spending time with the One. Sixes will also find it difficult to talk directly about their feelings or fears, and so little gets adequately aired out. As Sixes become more inconsistent and unreliable, these reactions fuel the One's resentment and disappointment in them. Stalwart Sixes begin to not show up or do even the minimum of what is expected of them, driving Ones into fits of frustration and apoplexy. Moreover, Ones find the anxieties and defensiveness of Sixes frustrating and they begin be angry and condescending toward them. Ones will become increasingly cold and critical until Sixes lash out at them, blaming them for their predicament. Anger, resentment, accusations, and name-calling can be part of the picture as the relationship deteriorates. </li></ul>
  174. 177. ONE – SEVEN <ul><li>What Each Type Brings to the Relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Enneagram Ones and Sevens have a particular complementary and reciprocal relationship. They are opposites who can either bring something needed to the other person, thereby helping both to achieve new growth (or, as we will see) they can drive each other further apart by playing on each other's weaknesses whether consciously or not. Ones bring conscientiousness, orderliness, good work habits, methodical attention to detail, and a pleasure in maintaining excellence and high standards. Sevens bring spontaneity, high energy, curiosity, an orientation toward fun and adventure, the desire to try new things, and an ability to not get too hung up with getting everything done perfectly. Both types can be initiators and planners, future-oriented and idealistic, although Sevens tend to prefer having multiple options and to keep all plans loose enough so that they can be changed as needed. They bring freedom and spontaneity. Ones are more methodical and help Sevens stay on track—they resist getting distracted by too many options, and excel at following through with their plans. </li></ul><ul><li>Sevens offer Ones a sense of excitement and life as a source of pleasure and enjoyment. Ones offer Sevens a sense of purpose and idealism, as well as direction and the feeling that life is noble and meaningful. Sevens keep Ones' spirits up, refreshing their idealism while preventing the relationship from becoming too heavy. Ones help steady Sevens, keeping them working systematically and consistently toward goals. Sevens appreciate the One's consistency and reliability and are glad to have someone who can attend to details. These two types can be highly supportive of each other as long as their ultimate values are congruent and as long as they are both working for the same fundament things in life. This tends to be a stimulating relationship for both—they stretch each other and are fascinated and challenged by their differences. </li></ul>
  175. 178. ONE – SEVEN (cont) <ul><li>Potential Trouble Spots or Issues </li></ul><ul><li>As stress increases, Ones become increasingly critical, judgmental, inflexible, and insistent that things be done only one way, the right way—their way. They inevitably begin to see Sevens as undisciplined and inefficient, self-centered and childish. Ones feel that Sevens are scattered and tend to fool around too much, over-extending resources and overbooking themselves and promising too much to too many people. Ones also often feel that Sevens are unfocused and scattered simply to annoy them and to get back at them passive-aggressively, without seeming to be hostile or petty themselves. On the other hand, Sevens tend to see lower functioning Ones as too prissy and perfectionistic, and ultimately, as someone who needs to be kicked in the pants to loosen them up a bit. Conflicts between these two types also often focus on organizational and financial matters, with Ones feeling that Sevens are profligate and wasteful while Sevens feel Ones are too tight-fisted and have no vision or pizzazz. </li></ul><ul><li>Sevens eventually tire of the One's continual criticism and dissatisfaction with them. Pursuing other options in the relationship becomes more and more attractive since Sevens deeply resist feeling trapped or being in situations that continually produce unhappiness. Unfortunately, low functioning Ones continually contribute to this. If matters continue to deteriorate, Ones will lose respect for Sevens who become increasingly pushy and demanding, with a calloused, vulgar tone. Ones find this extremely embarrassing to be around, and can become disillusioned and depressed, withdrawing emotional connection from Sevens. Thus, a disdainful contempt for the other can enter the picture from both sides, making reconciliation even more difficult. Ones criticize Sevens for a while, then silently give up on them until some event spells the fatal blow to the relationship. </li></ul>
  176. 179. ONE – EIGHT <ul><li>What Each Type Brings to the Relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Enneagram Ones and Eights bring a common concern with fighting for truth and justice in their world. They both often feel (although in different ways and for different reasons) that it is up to them to stand against whatever they perceive as injustice or falseness. Both can see themselves as gallant crusaders protecting the weak, righting wrongs, and making the world a better place. In a relationship, these two types are both action-oriented, and if their attention and energy is turned toward social causes in particular, they can have a big effect on their family and their community, perhaps even their country or the world. Both bring a certain nobility of vision and a focused purpose, practicality, and perseverance in supporting whatever they believe is right. Both are willing to sacrifice a great deal to do what they believe needs to be done. For both, fairness is centrally important. (Ones bring a sense of absolute or ideal truth and justice whereas Eights bring a more practical and immediate approach to these concepts.) </li></ul><ul><li>The combination can be very powerful: they accomplish things with a clear cut sense of purpose and personal mission. Both are decisive and direct, although Eights bring a passion and gusto that counterbalances the One's self-restraint and propriety. Ones can find Eights exciting, physical, and earthy-all the things that they restrain in themselves. Thus, there can be a strong attraction from both sides. Further, Eights recognize that Ones are as strong-willed and determined as they are: they cannot easily sway or bowl over Ones. Eights thus admire their conviction and are attracted to the challenge of getting closer to Ones. In many ways, these two types are opposites-the pirate and the schoolteacher-although both could learn a great deal from the other, if they are willing to listen to someone with such different values, reactions, and ways of doing things. </li></ul>
  177. 180. ONE – EIGHT (cont) <ul><li>Potential Trouble Spots or Issues </li></ul><ul><li>What breaks Ones and Eights up is often the very thing that attracted them in the first place: how different they are from each other, like fire and ice. This is a relatively rare romantic pairing; it is easier for them to be friends or colleagues than to live intimately together. Both want to be in charge; both want to accomplish something significant, but they tend to disagree about the means to take. Ones tend to be self-controlled and restrained in their self-expressions and methods of doing things. They will deny themselves the pleasure of acting on their real desires and impulses if they are convinced that something they want is not right according to their moral convictions. While they may admire the brashness and roguishness of Eights and their apparent ease in going after whatever they want, Ones ultimately begin to draw a line if they see Eights going too far in the pursuit of their self-interest. Ones can begin to regard Eights as selfish, insensitive, aggressive, and morally corrupt. They may admire the outlaw's bravado, but abhor where it leads them and how much chaos and destruction it creates in its wake. Ones can begin to see Eights as crude, untrustworthy, and violent. </li></ul><ul><li>On the other hand, Eights see Ones as hypocrites who preach one

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