This is the roses, candy and dancing stage. This is when he declares undying love for you and that he will love you more than anybody else will ever love you. He comes on fast and takes your breath away. It feels like he is your Prince Charming.
He does things to sweep you off your feet. Unfortunately, when you have been swept off your feet, you only have one leg to stand on. At that point he begins to move into stage two.
In stage two, he starts taking advantage of you. In the beginning he does it in small ways. He’s testing to see how much of a fuss/fight you’ll put up. He is testing to see how much he can get away with. And like a small child, the more he finds that he can take advantage of you, the more he does.
When you do stand up for yourself in stage 2, he uses manipulation as a tactic. He may refer to you as his mother, he may complain that you’re always on his case, he may withdraw his attention from you. His objective is to get you to back down and not speak up when he takes advantage.
Now, if you do stand up for yourself through the manipulation, he will use intimidation as a tactic. He may raise his voice, or use a steely tone. He may call you names or make comments in a biting, sarcastic manner. Again, the objective is to get you to back down.
If you continue to put your foot down and he believes you mean it, he reverts back to his hearts and roses behavior in Stage 1 until he feels that he has pacified you. Once you are “happy”, he begins Stage 2 over. Eventually this will wear you down.
Hope springs eternal that Prince Charming will return
Women in stage three have had so much life energy drained from them that they can no longer stand up for themselves. This stage is just a matter of time before the woman develops some life-threatening illness or become mentally incapacitated. Women stay because hope springs that he will return to the man in Stage 1.
Poison Prince Charming Types: Approaches The Prince who wants to be king This Prince favors intimidation over manipulation, and can easily move from quiet to intense intimidation. The Prince who wants what he wants This Prince tends to use prefer to use manipulation, but will go to intimidation when needed.
A. A Poison Prince Charming™ is able to control another person’s behavior by affecting their psychological/ emotional state. He uses behavioral tactics to trigger a negative emotional and psychological state in the person; such as a feeling or fear, low self-esteem, or a belief that she will be abandoned.
For many people it is uncomfortable to tolerate unpleasant states like the above, so instead they change their behavior to escape the circumstances that are “causing” their negative state. “They join the madness to get out of their misery.”
Let’s say that in conversation that you tell your boyfriend that you’re frustrated because he has not kept his agreement to do something. He then accuses you of being critical just like his ex-wife always was. Bingo! He instantly deflects your issue with a manipulative comment designed to get you to drop the subject.
Unless you can manage your emotional and psychological stage and see his behavior for what it is (an attempt to get you to change your behavior), his comment may cause you to question yourself, bringing up self-doubt. This is very likely to trigger a bout of low self-esteem supported by a belief that you will be unlovable if you continue to do this.
So, you let the matter drop with him because it is so uncomfortable, almost to the point of it being emotionally incapacitating for you to feel this way. In essence, he is playing your emotional state against you
Work on healing the remaining wounds you have. Once they are healed them, the poison cannot have the same affect on you. See Bibliography of books with (*).
Practice increasing your tolerance of uncomfortable emotionally/psychological states.
Look for The Poison Prince Charming Syndrome™ in books, movies, life.
Learn how they work.
Learn to become emotionally impenetrable, impermeable, impassable, unpierceable unresponsive, immune to his tactics and secure in yourself. See next page on how to handle their them.
Beware of any man coming on strong to you. Poison Prince Charmings ™ use intensity as a substitute for intimacy. If the new relationship is moving fast this is generally not a good sign. Most healthy relationships develop over time.
Ask your friends what they think of the men you date.